


These Four Walls

by daddyheloveshim



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Art Student Harry Styles, Cheating, Closeted Character, Codependency, Complicated Relationships, Cooking, Depressed Louis, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Topping, Fluff and Smut, Grief/Mourning, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Making Out, Male Homosexuality, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Oral Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Secret Relationship, Social Media, Strangers to Lovers, Top Louis Tomlinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:00:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 258,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22991359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddyheloveshim/pseuds/daddyheloveshim
Summary: Harry is a twenty-two year old Art Student in need of a model to help him complete the assignment. In last desperate attempt he decides to deserte all of his ideals, turn to Facebook and lure a willing participant with a promise of money and pasta...
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 50
Kudos: 173





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I don't know how you've ended up in here but I'm really glad you did! This is my attempt to get back to writing after a long break, hope at least some of you will enjoy the story I've planned for the boys and stay with me along the ride.
> 
> This is the first thing I've ever done in English so please forgive small errors that may occur along the way or the lack of sophisticated vocabulary, I'm sure I'll improve as the time goes by.
> 
> This is obviously a work of fiction, none of the situations happened in real life.  
> In the end I just wanted to say that this is my original work and as of now I don't consent to reposting it either in the original or translated form.

"Have you completed your assignment yet?" Harry heard behind him and threw his head back to check who it was coming from. It was Luna, one of the girls he was attending sketching course at University with.

“No, not really.” He sighed and slowed down his pace to let his friend catch up with him, his long legs were far more efficient in walking than ones of his five-foot-two friend. It was getting late, to the point where the hallway they were in was dim but it wasn't dark enough for the staff to put the lights up. "I don't know how the fuck do they expect me to find a young guy willing to pose bare ass naked.” Harry continued complaining. Saying that he wasn’t happy with that assignment would be a vast understatement. He was fine with these usually, it was just another sketch to do, but normally, the school provided with models. Not this time though. When he asked for one, he was told there were none available. With the deadline approaching and no perspective of obtaining a model, he was almost starting to panic.

“I think I’ve finished mine yesterday, kinda hoped you would give it a look and maybe tell me what you think of it? You’re the best one in the group in that kind of stuff, so I’d really appreciate your feedback.” They turned right. Harry didn’t know if his colleague was heading to cafeteria too or she just followed him to get his opinion on her sketch. Probably the latter, considering the fact that everything he has said went above her head and she not-so-smoothly moved on to asking for his help. Oh well…

"Sure, I can check it out. Was just heading to the cafeteria so maybe you'll join me?" He proposed and heard his stomach gurgle as he spoke. Shit, he really was hungry. No wonder, he hadn't eaten since nine, and it was a few minutes past two already.

“I mean, I have French in like thirty minutes but sure.” The girl shrugged, and Harry opened the cafeteria door in front of her. It was past lunch break, so the place was close to empty. There were a few anonymous silhouettes napping on the sofas placed along the windows though. Harry was dreaming of quick power nap too but wasn't that hopeful since these couches were pretty much always occupied.

“I’ll get myself tea, do you want something?” Harry proposed, already looking at the vending machine. He dropped his backpack onto a table he was passing.

“No, thanks though” Luna got herself seated on one of the chairs and Harry, in few long steps found himself in front of the machine. He searched the pocket of his jeans and found a few coins he always kept on him for the sole purpose of buying hot beverages in machines scattered around the campus. He took one of them and pushed it into the slit, pressing the button corresponding to a cup of hot water and waited for his order.

The machine went silent for quite a while, definitely more time than it usually would and he started to get impatient thinking that it just took his money and wouldn't give him his drink. He shoved the tall device with his foot, and it must've worked because the thing started buzzing, a paper cup was dropped into the bracket and then filled with hot water.

Relieved, he took the cup, turned on the heel of his foot and got back to Luna, who had her sketches all over the table already.

“You better gather those a bit. I’m too clumsy to be trusted around them.” The blonde smiled in response and complied, gathering scattered pieces of paper into a neat pile.

"I know I told you I wanted your opinion on one thing, but maybe you could give me your feedback on these too?" She pointed to a small pile in front of her. Harry sat on a chair and searched his rucksack for his lunchbox. He took out blue Tupperware, opened it and retrieved a single teabag, closing the box right after. He ripped the paper packaging and submerged the tea in hot water to let his beverage steep.

“No problem, I have time.” He said sleepily. “Can I?” Styles asked and reached his hand for her artworks.

“Yes, obviously” The girl chuckled and slid the pile towards her colleague who took the first one and started studying it closely. He was focusing so much, he furrowed his eyebrows and slid his tongue out a bit.

"This is the one for Ms Harris, right?" The girl shook her head. "It's good, I like how you did the shading on his back. If anything, you might work on the right hand, it looks a bit… floppy." Harry continued to critique her sketch, and his friend noted everything he said on a piece of paper. "Who modelled for you? Would he be interested in doing that again?" Harry asked, hoping that the person who posed for Luna would be willing to do the same for him.

"It was my brother's friend. I don't think he would be up for it though." She sighed. Harry nodded, accepting the defeat and moved on to the next piece of paper. It was something very different from the previous one, more Luna’s style than the sketch. Instead of graphite, it was made with watercolours, it was some kind of summer scene with a bunch of flowers, a meadow and a girl in a white dress sitting on a swing.

“I like this one, the colours immediately make you miss the summer." Harry glanced at the windows and sighed, seeing that it was raining again. It was nothing out of the ordinary, considering it was late November and they were in Manchester. Living in Britain his whole life, he probably should’ve been more used to this type of weather than he actually was. “Nothing bad to say about this one, I really like it.”. His friend shifted in her seat and smiled, cheeks blushing slightly.

“I could ask my brother to pose for you.” She proposed when Harry gave feedback on all five of her artworks. She put them back into a violet folder, which she then placed in her bag.

“I thought you said your brother is younger than you? How old is he?” Harry asked, hoping that this time it will work and he wouldn’t have to worry about finding a model on such short notice.

"Seventeen, I bet he'd be more than excited to do this. He always wanted to model for me, but for the obvious reasons, I was reluctant to this idea." Harry smirked because he understood why she wouldn't let her brother pose for her, especially naked.

“I can’t do anyone less than eighteen, sorry.” The student sighed disappointed, re-evaluating the conscious decision he made to stay away from working with minors. Deciding to stick with it, subconsciously getting ready for begging his best mate to pose for him, he wrapped his skinny fingers around the cup. Taking a sip of his earl grey tea, Harry observed his friend who was gathering her belongings with a puzzled look on her face.

“I’ve got to bounce. Thank you so much. Maybe you should try searching Facebook groups or something? There have to be people willing to get naked for you. Hell, if you can’t find anybody there try Tinder, I bet you’d get a ton of applicants if you’d post a selfie or something.” She proposed and stood up from her chair, sliding it under the table.

“Ah yes, modelling in exchange for sexual favours, sounds amazing.” He chuckled. “I’ll figure something out, see you Tuesday?” The blonde nodded and sped off to her next class.

While the second idea seemed completely idiotic, the first one wasn’t that bad actually. Harry took a bite off his sandwich and pulled his laptop out of the backpack. He turned it on and waited a bit for the software to load while chowing down his lunch. 

Setting up his Facebook account was surprisingly quick. He didn’t use his real name and email address, obviously. He wasn’t desperate enough to give Mark Zuckerberg’s lizard ass all of his private information, but it's not like anybody would ever check if he used real name or email address.

The more complicated part of the plan was getting used to site's interface. With some fumbling, Harry found quite a few local art groups and submitted his requests. Well, everything that was left to do was to wait for a response. He closed his laptop and shoved it back into his bag, he did the same with emptied Tupperware and stood up from the chair.

Harry took his brown paper cup, scrunched the empty vessel in his large palm and chucked it into the bin on his way to the library. It took him maybe three minutes to get there. The place was actually quite busy, especially since midterms were in full swing. Thankfully students that were present seemed to be actually studying, so Harry had high hopes to find a place to nap for a bit before his next class, which was Philosophy. 

He dragged his feet to a place where he usually slept. It was a secluded, beaten up couch in between two huge bookcases filled with history books. There was never a single person in there, so Harry just assumed that everybody was as interested in History as he was.

Harry pushed his backpack under the couch and laid down on grey, partially caved-in couch. He placed a hand under his head to form a pillow of sorts. Maybe It wasn't the most comfortable set up, but he was just too tired to care. He took the phone out of his pocket and set up an alarm in case he actually fell asleep. With everything ready, he closed his heavy eyelids and drifted off into sleep.

“Shit” He cursed at the sound of his alarm. He didn’t want to disturb people who were actually using the library and turned off the sound immediately. He had a class in five minutes, so he dragged his heavy legs off the couch that at the moment, seemed like the most comfortable piece of furniture ever created. Harry grabbed his bag and left the library in a hurry.

On his way to Philosophy, he stopped to get himself a cup of coffee from the vending machine. He wasn't really a coffee drinker, but espresso was the only thing that could actually get him through a boring lecture. With a cup of hot liquid in his hand, he entered the classroom and seated himself in his usual spot in the last row.

Not long after a chubby man in his late fifties arrived and started the lecture, Harry opened his laptop in order to pretend like he’s actually paying attention to the stuff the professor was babbling about.

Not having anything more interesting to do, the man logged back onto his newly created Facebook account, and sure enough, some of his requests have been accepted already. Hopeful, Harry clicked on the biggest from the groups. There were almost sixteen thousand members, so he surely had to find at least one person willing to help him, right?

"Hello! I'm a second-year BA Art History student at The University of Manchester in desperate search of a male willing to model for an act sketch. It’s urgent, so I need somebody free during the weekend. If interested, please contact me via email: greencauliflower@gmail.com. Over eighteen only, I can compensate with thirty quid and a home-cooked meal." After proofreading what he wrote, Harry clicked a button, and the post was sent to be accepted or declined by moderators.

Harry downed the entire cup of lukewarm coffee in one go and hoped that it would help rid of sleep clouding his vision. With another hour of lecture still ahead of him, he pressed his cheek to the desk and actually listened to the professor, hoping he would remember anything by the end of the day.

It was almost eleven pm when Harry decided to check his Facebook notifications. If there was anybody interested in his offer he would surely write already, right? He picked up the laptop from under his bed and set it down on his belly. He logged on the website and got hopeful when he saw that there were over forty comments under his post. He scrolled through them and realized that there was not a single serious offer, only people making fun of him because his post looked super sketchy. Well… they weren’t wrong, his account was created the same day, he had no friends, no profile picture, so it wasn’t surprising that it raised red flags.

He decided to check his email, still delusional that maybe somebody answered his ad. He was hopeful when he saw three emails waiting to be opened amongst countless junk mail. He clicked on the first one.

Nope! The first thing that he saw was a blurry dick pic attached to an email. Not having great expectations for this person, Harry hasn't even read the message and put it in the bin immediately.

The second one wasn't much better, really. The only advantage was the fact that it didn't contain a picture of sender's genitals. But it still was full of innuendos implying that the person was willing to do the job but was counting on some action afterwards.

Harry sighed and clicked on the last email, it was sent just twenty minutes ago, titled "What's for dinner?". He didn't have great expectations after the other two messages he read, but the title of that one was intriguing, to say the least. The man scrolled through the paragraph of text, and when he made sure there was no nude attached, he started reading.

"Hey! I've seen your ad on the group and thought I might be able to help you out. I'm free this weekend, and I’m down for some nudity and free dinner. I have to warn you that I’ve never done this type of thing, any modelling really so keep that in mind. If you’re interested, hit me up to arrange the details.

Ps. What’s for dinner?”

Harry smirked at the dumb question at the end of the email. He didn’t expect any serious answers, so he was very glad that he potentially found someone willing to help him. The matter was so serious that he immediately started to type out his response.

"Hello! I'm really glad you've responded to my post. Your lack of experience is nothing to be worried about, you'll get the hang of it quickly. I have the whole weekend free, starting Friday evening. We can meet at my place, or I could arrange a studio if you feel uncomfortable coming to my flat. 

Suggest time that suits you between 6 pm on Friday to 10 pm on Sunday, and I will adapt. I am available from early morning hours to very late at night. Keep in mind that I'm only able to arrange the studio between 10 am and 3pm though. Hope to hear from you soon.

Ps. I make a killer pasta, is pasta okay? Do you eat gluten? Dairy? You aren’t vegan, are you? Vegetarian?”

Harry read his message two times to ensure that he didn't write anything alarming, but it seemed okay to him. He pressed the button on the screen and sent his message to an anonymous model.

Sleep started to cloud his exhausted brain. Harry got up from his bed and stripped naked, then he walked the short distance to his bathroom, put a dollop of blue paste on his toothbrush and started brushing his teeth.

It didn’t take him much time to do that, perhaps he was a bit sloppy due to the fact he was extra tired that evening. Harry leaned over to the faucet and rinsed the leftover foam out of his mouth. He put the toothbrush back into the cup on a counter and got back to his bed where he fell asleep as soon as his eyelids met.

-

"Class dismissed, see you next week." Harry closed his laptop and shoved it back into his backpack, which he slung over his shoulder and left the classroom, trying to avoid the crowd, which was bound to gather in the hallway. He power-walked through the hall, avoiding groups of people who started spilling out of the classrooms. It wasn't long until he found himself outside the building, standing amongst smoking students.

Harry pushed his long arms through the sleeves of his coat and started walking towards a bus stop. The rain drizzled ever so slightly covering his dark, curled locks in a mist.

He was approaching the bus stop when he saw his usual line standing on a red light. His pace quickened a bit when he saw the light change and the vehicle started moving again. By the end, he just straight-up ran to catch the bus, but it worked. He stood near the door, panting and cursing his lack of stamina.

Harry looked over the bus, searching for a place to sit but he wasn't really hopeful, it was rush hour after all. He was right. Every single sit was occupied either by students or old ladies who insisted on keeping their groceries on the seats next to them. Harry was too polite to confront these women, so he just stood there, clenching cold railing in his palm.

The man felt buzzing in the right pocket of his pants and reached his hand to retrieve his mobile. He unlocked the phone with his slim fingers and checked his texts. The message came from his mother, with whom he had a very close bond.

“ _Are you coming home for the weekend? I could cook something good. Gemma is going to be home too._ ” He smiled slightly at the thought of heading home for the weekend, but then he sighed when the realization he couldn’t go caught up to him. He was even more bummed out since his sister, whom he missed very much, was going to be there.

“ _Sorry mum, can’t do this weekend. I have quite a bit on my plate at the moment. Maybe in two weeks when the midterms are over. Missing you, H_ ” he sent the message back and got his earphones out of his pocket. Putting each earbud in he shuffled his playlist but wasn’t really paying attention to music flooding his ears.

All he could think about was the fact that he really missed his mum. He hasn't seen her in nearly three weeks and wasn't going to see her for the next two. They were always really close, and during his first year of Uni, Harry always made sure to visit home at least twice a month. Now that school got more serious, he was struggling with time management a bit, and his trips home were really sparse.

As he tried to actually pay attention to the lyrics of the song, he was listening to in order to clear his mind, the door in front of him opened, cold air blowing into his face. Harry saw a young redhead, struggling to get a pram into the bus. As soon as he regained his consciousness, he rushed to the rescue and helped the petite woman. The girl thanked and gifted him a smile, but then moved to the designated space. Harry turned on his heel and glanced at the babbling toddler in the pram.

A little boy turned his head and gave him an interested look. Harry smiled and was kind of hoping the child would find another object to focus on but no, his hazel eyes were still plastered to his face. The mom was searching for something in a green diaper bag attached to the pram, so Harry decided to risk it and made a funny face, which obviously worked because the boy started giggling at him. He turned on his heel again, he didn’t want to push it too much and make it awkward with boy’s mother but that one, small giggle was everything that he needed to cheer him up.

Next stop was his, as the bus rolled into it, Harry jumped out and started walking down the well-known path to his favourite coffee shop. As he approached the entrance, he brushed his boots against the doormat to remove all of the grime that stuck to them and then pushed the heavy wooden door. The little bell over the door clinked and announced his arrival to everybody that was there.

He sat at one of empty tables, took out his laptop and plugged it in into the socket. He disconnected his headphones from his mobile and plugged them into his computer. Then, he went on YouTube and chose his usual studying playlist with chill piano tracks, particularly heavy in Chopin.

In the next tab, Harry opened his email and waited for it to load. His computer was kind of old, so he couldn’t really open more tabs to pass the time as his patience was tested by out-of-date technology.

“Hello, dear." His head rose to meet the eyes of an older lady that ran this business. She was medium height, back slightly hunched with her long, grey hair put into impressively thick braid slung over her left shoulder. The woman put a cup of steaming liquid on his table.

“Thank you, Theresa. You’re an angel.” Harry joined his palms in thanking gesture. “How are you doing today? The weather is quite atrocious, isn’t it?” The student shivered theatrically as he continued the small talk. Harry knew Theresa ever since he moved to Manchester, it was his third day in the city when he stumbled upon her small café, and from then, he was a very frequent guest. He loved the private atmosphere of the place, very helpful when he was studying but couldn't focus on doing that in his flat.

“It’s almost December, darling, it's going to get even worse." She smiled and backed out a bit. "I'm doing fine today, hope you're okay too. I'm going to leave you alone, looks like you're busy." Harry nodded and smiled in response, and the woman was gone. He glanced on the screen and found a new message from his potential model.

“What do you think about meeting me today around nine? I could drop by on my way from work, could really use that dinner. If you're fine with that time, send me an address, and I'll be there. Do I need to prepare somehow? Bring something?

Ps. I don't have any special dietary restrictions. Don't panic."

Harry didn't expect the guy to come that day, but hey, he was the one who proposed Friday. It's not like he had any plans, he was just not prepared for the whole cooking debacle. He hovered his big palms over the keyboard as he wondered what to write.

“Nine is good. You don’t have to bring anything, don’t have to prepare in any way.” Harry kept the message brief, at the bottom of it he provided his address and instructions how the man could get there by public transport.

Harry drank his tea in a hurry, he had way less time than he anticipated, so it was the end of his studying session that hasn’t even started yet. He gathered his belongings, brought his cup back to the bar to save Theresa the trouble of retrieving it, paid for his beverage and left.

Five minutes later, he was standing in front of a huge shelf full of colourful cardboard boxes filled with pasta. It was a tagliatelle kind of night, so he grabbed a box and put it into the basket he had hung in the crook of his left elbow.

Next, he headed to the produce aisle, he glanced at the generic kind of tomatoes, but they were pale, so he chose a bunch of the expensive ones, he advertised his pasta very highly, so he had to deliver. A head of garlic, a bunch of basil, three onions and four lemons later he was checking out. It was almost 5pm, he still had some time, but he was the person who liked to have everything prepared in advance. Not to mention that his apartment was a mess, so he had to tidy it up at least a bit before the unknown guest came over.

Harry placed his groceries on the counter and took his coat off. Standing in the middle of his messy place, he tried to assemble a game plan. He soaped his palms generously and rubbed them together for solid thirty seconds to get all the germs out. He rinsed them under hot water and dried with a tea towel hung over the oven handle.

He needed to season the meat so it had a while to absorb the flavours. Harry put his usual blend of spices and massaged it into ground beef with his right palm. He hated the way cold, raw meat felt on his hand, but it was the method that undoubtedly worked the best. When he finished, he slid the bowl to the side and again, washed his hands thoroughly.

In the next step, he did a lap around his studio and picked up every piece of clothing that was laying on the floor, ready to get washed. When every piece of dirty fabric found its way into the hamper, Harry realized that laundry was long overdue, but he couldn't be bothered at that point, so he just planned it for Saturday.

It took him fifty minutes to get his flat to a place when he wasn’t embarrassed by its state. He vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom and even changed the sheets for some reason, he was just on a cleaning roll and took advantage of that rare occurrence.

Harry heard the piercing sound of his alarm and woke up in a split second. He reached his hand and grabbed the phone from the coffee table. This meant only one thing. It was eight already, and he had to get the dinner ready. He dragged himself off of sofa he was napping on and found his way to the fridge. He took out the necessary ingredients and started chopping everything that needed to be chopped.

When the prep was done, he heated a bit of olive oil in a deep pan and dumped seasoned meat into it. The protein started sizzling aggressively, Harry stirred it to brown every single bit of it, and when he was done, he added veggies and covered everything with crushed tomatoes. He put a lid over the pot, lowered the heat and left the sauce to simmer.

It was too early to cook the pasta, there were twenty minutes till nine, and he didn't really know what to do with himself. In few, long steps, he crossed his apartment and approached a small table which was occupied by his record player. He placed the needle at the smooth ridge of the vinyl he was listening to before and pressed play, letting the sound of jazz music fill this small space.

Harry swung his hips around to the sound of music and got back to the fridge. He took out those lemons he bought a few hours ago and placed them on the cutting board. He opened the cabinet and reached for the pitcher he was keeping on the top shelf. He pressed on one of the lemons and massaged it for a bit to make it easier to get the juice out, then did the same to the other ones. With a knife, he cut them in half and with the help of the fork, he took an impressive amount of liquid out of the fruit.

He tossed the skins into the bin and proceeded to make his staple margaritas, but this time he made them virgin. He didn’t know if his guest was up for binge drinking with a complete stranger.

It was a few minutes before nine when he heard knocking on his door. He got up from his seat and opened it.

"Hi, I'm Louis." He heard as soon as he met the gaze of the man standing right in front of him. He was a couple inches shorter than Harry was, his brown hair was messy atop his head. Blue eyes pierced into Harry's green ones.

"Harry." he nodded after an awkwardly long pause.

“You’re not going to kill me, are you?” Louis asked and checked the stranger out top to bottom. He smirked and walked into the apartment; Harry closed the door behind them.

“Don’t you think It’s quite late for this kind of questions?” Styles asked and took Louis' jacket from him, then hung it by the door. "I was actually surprised how fast you've agreed to meet me here. Are you on a deathwish or something?”

“No, not really. I think it’s my positive outlook on life that makes me miss a lot of red flags. Now that I think about that I’ve missed a bunch of those with you, haven’t I? Well, thank god I’m scrappy, you couldn’t handle me.” Louis walked to the stove and uncovered the only pot that was on it. He leaned towards the simmering liquid and smelled it. “Yum, smells divine.”

Harry chuckled and took a large pot out of the cabinet. He poured a bunch of water into it, salted it generously and lit a burner under it.

"Do you want anything to drink? I have tea, virgin margaritas, beer, some wine probably and water, obviously." Harry turned his back to the man standing a few steps behind him and took out the pitcher from the fridge. He retrieved two handfuls of ice cubes out of the freezer and put them into the beverage.

“Is there any way to make those any less virgin, though?" Louis chuckled "Don't judge me, I've had a long day." He sighed. Harry couldn't have been happier, he was secretly hoping for that outcome.

“You’re really reckless, aren’t you?” Harry laughed. “You come to a stranger’s house, no questions asked, ready to pose naked and drink margaritas. Your mother would be disappointed.”

“Those aren’t the eyes of a predator." Louis observed Harry, who was currently filling tall glasses with an ice-cold drink which he spiked with alcohol. "But me mum would probably be livid, you’re right about that.”

“Famous last words.” Another deep chuckle escaped Harry’s throat. “Do you have any questions now? About the job?” They sat on a couch and started drinking.

"I mean… it's pretty straight forward, right? Oh, I have one question, though. Is there a way I could grab a quick shower here? I know it's rude, but I really had quite a long day at work, and I feel disgusting." Louis settled himself deeper into the couch and took a sip of his ice-cold drink.

“That’s not rude at all. Of course, you can shower in here. I want to make this as comfortable as possible." Harry stood up and disappeared into the bathroom only to come back a few seconds later. "There are clean towels in the cabinet, feel free to use anything you please. I’ll get the pasta started, you must be starving after work.”

"I actually am, thank you." Louis drank the last of his beverage and put the glass on the coffee table. He got up and walked towards the small bathroom.

“Oh, beware of the faucet. It goes from zero to a hundred real fucking quick, don’t get burned.” Harry warned the boy and took the pasta box out of the cabinet. Louis hummed something back, but he didn't hear him. The door to the bathroom closed and Harry thanked god and himself that for some reason, he decided to actually deep-clean in there too.

Styles leaned over the big pot standing on one of the burners and observed small bubbles that started breaking the surface of the water. It wasn't properly boiling yet, so he decided to wait a bit more, still watching the bubbles since he didn’t have anything better to do.

The smooth sound of jazz music helped him calm down a bit. He wasn't really shy or anything, but usually, he didn't meet new people one on one, so that was a making him nervous. Thankfully Louis seemed really chill and outgoing. It would be dreadful if the conversation didn't stick between them. They had to spend the next two hours together, maybe even more.

When the water finally boiled, Harry dumped the pasta into it and lowered the fire beneath the pot. He closed his eyes, tilted his head back and started swaying his hips to the rhythm. He loved that record, got lost in the music and stopped paying attention to anything else, the melody completely devoured him.

"Is that a part of standard pasta cooking experience? I think I've been doing it wrong the whole time." Harry jumped at the sound of Lou's voice, and he felt the heat of embarrassment flooding his face, travelling through his slim neck.

“Um… sorry, I didn’t hear you leaving the bathroom.” He stuttered and started stirring the pasta to seem busy.

“Sorry? What are you on about?” Louis chuckled and Harry finally got the courage to look at him. A small sigh escaped his lips when he saw him standing in the doorway, only towel wrapped around his hips. “I figured there was no point in getting dressed. I mean… I can do that if it makes you uncomfortable…”

“No, I don’t mind.” Harry took the pot off the burner and poured the contents into a colander placed in the sink. While he was plating their dinner, Louis opened the fridge and poured them another drink. “Sit down, I’m done here. Sorry, I don’t have a table, I usually just eat on the couch.” He explained and walked to the sofa, holding two bowls in his hand.

“Don’t worry, I don’t have one either. It’s redundant since I barely eat at home nowadays." Louis took one of the bowls from Harry and waited for his company to sit before he dug the fork into the dish. He twisted the pasta around the stainless-steel tool and put a big glob of carbs into his mouth. "You didn't lie, fuck this is amazing." Louis basically moaned in delight and licked his lips clean from the sauce.

“Why don’t you eat at home?” Harry asked simply smirking from Louis’ reaction to his cooking. He was eating quite quickly for his standards; he didn’t want to keep his model in his place more than it was necessary.

"Well, me and my roommate both suck at cooking. Preparing food costs pretty much the same as eating out, so why bother.” Louis explained and took another bite of pasta. This time a speckle of bright red sauce slipped from his fork and landed to the right of his left nipple. Lou swiped the dirty skin with his thumb and sucked it clean. Harry observed him carefully, not realizing that he was staring. When it got to him, he glued his eyes to the bowl with a weird feeling in his gut.

“Maybe you’re right but eating like that is not good for you. You really are on a deathwish, huh?” The student said between the sips of his margarita.

"I'm not, I swear! I can't cook for shit. At this point, it's too late to learn." He shrugged, took a gulp of citrusy goodness and went back to his meal.

“It’s never too late, don’t you have anyone to teach you? Mom? Grandmother?” Harry asked and kept looking at the person on his couch. Something he could not define really intrigued him about this boy.

"I'm not really close with my grandmother, my mom uh… she has other things taking up her time." His smile faded away; Harry wanted to ask so bad, but he resisted. He barely knew this guy, and he clearly was not enjoying that topic.

“I’m offering free cooking classes if you’re down.” Brunette proposed and ate the last of his dinner. Louis smiled at him and put his empty bowl next to his glass.

“I’ll consider.” He shifted in his seat, ran spread fingers through his slightly damp hair.

“How old are you?” Styles asked all of a sudden, he stood up, took their empty bowls and moved them to the sink where he quickly washed them.

“Nineteen, well… almost.” The boy rolled his eyes and joined the taller one in the kitchen. He poured them yet another drink, took a kitchen towel and started drying wet dishes Harry placed on the counter.

“Thank you.” The host left him in the kitchen and went to the small desk standing next to his bed. He pulled one of the drawers out and grabbed a canvas roll he stored all of his pencils in. It was old, dirty and worn down but it still did its job so why would he replace it?

From beneath his bed, Harry took out his main sketchbook and moved both things to the coffee table. From the linen closet in the bathroom, he brought a cream coloured bedsheet and draped it over the furniture standing opposite of the couch. Next, he took a plant off of a high, wooden stool and dragged the seat in front of the cream fabric.

"Are you ready? I think I can start." Harry sipped his drink and looked at Louis, who started walking towards him.

“Is there any certain way I’m supposed to stand? Sorry, never done this before.” The boy took Harry's sketchbook and opened it. He turned a few pages and stopped on one of them. He dragged his fingers along the lines of illustration and gasped. "You're a real deal, aren't you?" He asked and continued looking through Harry's works. "Fuck, those are amazing." The artist smiled but didn't reply to his compliment.

"Come here, I'll just show you." Louis put the book back in its place and dropped his towel, exposing himself completely before Harry. Harry, who tried not to stare at the pale, creamy skin stretched across his model’s body. His average built top and his substantial legs. Those thighs… wide and muscular, covered with thin dark hair. It took all of Harry's will to keep his eyes on the legs, restraining himself from looking higher. He hasn't, but the temptation was severe. He knew he will have more than enough time to get a glance at his whole body later.

“Can I?” Styles asked, reaching his hand for Louis' arm. When the boy nodded, Harry wrapped his big palm around his forearm. He tugged him delicately and led where he wanted him to be. “You can lean over the stool when work on the top to get the weight off of your legs.” Louis stood in front of the stool and was instructed to put his right foot a bit forward and twist his body a bit into sofa’s direction.

“I’m sorry, I can imagine this is uncomfortable.” The student apologized and without thinking, grabbed Lou’s leg just above the knee and placed it where he needed it to go. He felt a weird tingle travelling through his body, starting at the fingertips that touched Louis' soft skin. "I'll try to be as quick as possible, I promise."

"Don't worry, it's not bad at all." Louis smiled at Harry, trying to cheer him up a bit. "Take your time, I bet the end result will be worth it."

“I’ll try my best.” The artist nodded and slipped his hand between Lou’s brown hair to fix it. When he was satisfied with the outcome, he went back to the coffee table and sat on an old armchair.

“Why art?” Louis asked when his companion was sharpening his pencils with a razor.

“Um… That’s a hard question.” He chuckled. “I’ve always loved expressing myself through art. Whether it were my horrible attempts at making music, writing cheesy poems or drawing. Not going to lie, the whole graduation thing kind of snook up on me, I didn’t really know what to do, so took some time off, but then I never really figured it out, and by the time it came to applying I was just as clueless as I was when I've graduated, so I went with the one thing I was okay at.”

“Okay at." Louis scoffed, and a smirk welcomed his thin lips.

"So, I applied to a few colleges, got into a few scholarships and ended up here." He shrugged like it was nothing.

“Why Manchester?” Louis continued his questioning, Harry didn’t mind. He just hoped that there would be a time for roles to switch. He wanted to get to know more about his subject.

“It was closest to home, I’m just a big mama’s boy… and Oxford seemed too intimidating.” Styles grabbed a pencil between his slim fingers. He opened the sketchbook on a clean page, bent his knee and placed his foot onto the edge of the chair he was sitting on. He secured the sketchbook on his thigh and transferred his eyes onto Louis for a long while.

“Where are you from?” The model asked, and Harry could see that some thought just went through his head. "Should I be silent? I don't want to distract you with my babbling." The brunette started moving the pencil. The tip touching smooth surface of cream paper ever so slightly, leaving a thin outline of Louis’ silhouette.

“I’m from Cheshire.” More lines added to the sketch, every new one making it look more and more like a person. “You’re not disturbing me, ask away.” Louis chuckled but stopped immediately after he realized that his body shaking with laughter was probably not ideal.

“It’s only you and your mum?” Harry smirked slightly when Louis’ accent got particularly northern.

“No, I have an older sister, Gemma. We’re really close too.” Harry stood up and approached his subject, he traced man's jawline with his index finger to get the angle right. A shiver went down Lou's spine, but he composed himself before Harry could notice, or he thought he did. "Are you cold?" The student asked. So, he did notice…

“No, why would you think I was?” He shook his head and acted like he is clueless about what the artist was talking about.

“Your nipples are all perky and shit.” Louis could literally feel the capillaries under the skin of his cheeks dilating, his face flushed red.

"Fuck I'm so exposed!" Lou laughed it off, and he succeeded, Harry caught the virus and started chuckling too.

"Your knob is hanging out, and you're worried about your nipples?" Styles distanced himself from his guest. He knew the end of the record was approaching, so he went to change it. "Is this okay?" he showed Louis a vinyl of The Beatles' Yellow Submarine. Louis nodded.

"Cute, artsy guy who cooks, loves his mum and has a great taste in music… where have you been all my life?" Lou sighed jokingly. Harry put the record on, and music flooded the room.

“In Cheshire.” Harry scoffed and sat back on the armchair. He changed the pencil for a softer one and started dragging it across the paper frantically. “What do you do for a living?” Brunette asked, he was genuinely interested, it wasn’t his attempt to break the silence between them because it wasn’t uncomfortable at all.

“I manage a small warehouse for a publishing company.” He sighed. “Maybe not a dream job but the money’s decent. I needed something desperately after I finished school.”

“A manager? At eighteen? That’s impressive.” Louis chuckled at the way brunette’s eyebrow rose.

“Not really… They’re underemployed. That’s why we sometimes get days like this one. There’s too much to do and not enough people for the job.”

“We could meet tomorrow, or even Sunday if you’re tired?” Harry proposed and gave his guest a worried look.

“Don’t be silly, I’m going to be just fine.” Lou’s face brightened with a big smile.

“You need to get a proper sleep tonight, eight hours, at least. Promise me.” Harry changed his pencil again and started working on outlining Louis’ muscles.

“Yeah, that’s not happening.” The model sighed. "I have to go home in the morning, have some stuff to take care of." Louis looked at Harry, his eyes glued to the plain sketchbook, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“Oh, where are you from then?” Brunette lifted his eyes from the sketchbook and looked at the boy opposite him.

“Doncaster, it’s not that far from here. Just have to drive east for a bit.”

"I know where it is. So, you're driving there? I'll try to finish quickly so you'll get at least some sleep, I don't want you to risk it because of my assignment." Harry glued his eyes back to the paper and started scribbling even faster than before. He was sure that if he got the outlines right, he would be able to finish it without Louis being in his place.

“So, you’re good at geography too, is there something you can’t do?” The boy asked jokingly, he kicked his leg in the air to relax it.

"Math. I can't do math for the life of me."

“I failed my A-levels because of this shit.” Louis sighed and smirked lightly.

“A-levels don’t mean shit.” Styles reassured him and continued drawing hastily.

“Yeah, but it still makes me feel dumb sometimes.” He shrugged. He was embarrassed, he never really told people that he didn’t pass his exams because there was no need to do so. Louis didn’t know why he was so open with this guy, maybe because he knew he won’t meet him again and he needed somebody to listen to him for once? Probably… He had some friends, but those weren't the type of people who would pay attention to his rants and offer advice.

"As I said, they mean nothing. I passed, and I can barely form a cohesive sentence." Harry laughed. "If it's important, you can always take them in the future. If you decide to do so, feel free to hit me up. I'll help you. I might not be a math genius, but I know the basics." Brunette glanced his eyes over Louis’ nude body. He tried to copy the exact curve of his bottom but failed at first. He erased it and tried again; he was happy with the result. He wanted to get the key features right, the rest could be done without the boy in there.

“Don’t be surprised if I take you up on that offer.” Louis’s ringing laugh flooded Harry’s ears.

“I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t want you to.” The host moved to the outline of Louis’ dainty feet and started giving them more detail.

“Why did you choose me? Was I the only one dumb enough to reply to potential murderer’s post?” The boy laughed again. Styles got up from his seat and sat on the floor, crossing his legs. "Are you a feet freak or something?" The model asked when Harry tried to portray every detail of his subject.

"There wasn't a lot of applicants, to be honest. And I can't really blame them." He shrugged. "I got four messages in total. Two were middle-aged men proposing to pose in exchange for sexual favours. One was okay, but he was late, you got the job already. I'm not complaining, I made a good choice." Louis' body shook a bit, he was laughing silently. "I'm not a feet freak, it's a part of the assignment."

"Yeah, right." Louis scoffed. "For all I know, there might not be any assignment at all, no art school either!" Harry didn't respond, he just smirked and continued working on his sketch. "So, you're not one to have one-night stands with guys for posing? Seems fair." The boy nodded. “I wouldn’t exchange that pasta for a blowie either way.”

A deep laugh escaped Harry's gut. He shook for a bit in laughter and got up off the floor. He moved the armchair a bit closer and sat back on it, focusing on the sketch.

"I'm not the one-night stand type of guy, to be honest. I'm old fashioned. I want to meet the right person, fall in love… sex is just a nice bonus I guess." Harry said without even thinking that he's revealing himself to a complete stranger.

The hour had passed since he started working on his sketch, he was somewhat done. At least the parts he needed Louis for were done.

“I’m finished I think, would you mind if I took a picture of you? Just a face, so I can finish on my own.”

“Sure. Can I see?” Louis approached Harry and reached for his sketchbook. “Are you sure you don’t need me to stay longer?” He smiled, looking at his silhouette traced on paper.

“No, I can finish it on my own, you should get some sleep.” Styles went back to the desk and took his polaroid camera from one of the drawers. He stood on Louis' left side and took a picture of his profile. A bright flash lit the dim apartment for a split second.

“Okay, I’m going to get dressed then.” The man started walking towards the bathroom. It took all of Harry’s will not to watch his bum while he did that. The door behind him closed. Harry boxed leftover dinner in a Tupperware container and placed it in a plain, paper bag which he left on the countertop.

In a few long leaps, he made it to his backpack. He took out the last fifty he had left in his wallet and put it into the pocket of his jeans.

“It was really nice to meet you.” The boy’s face brightened with a wide smile looking even younger than earlier.

"It was mutual, I was expecting some freak to come over." Harry laughed. "Look at us, neither got murdered, so that's a win, I guess."

“Thank you for the dinner, it was amazing. And the leftovers too, my roommate will be amazed. I doubt he ever had real food.” Harry watched Louis put his jacket on. He reached into his pocket and took the crumpled bill, he put there before.

“You did great.” He handed the money to Louis after smoothing the bill between his fingers. “Promise me you will get at least six hours before driving though.” The guest smiled, money still slipped between Harry’s fingers.

"Keep it, the food and your company were more than enough."

“I insist. You stood there patiently for over an hour even though you were exhausted. I won’t let you out if you don’t take it.” Louis rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Fine, just as I thought I was safe, here you are threatening me.” He shook his head in disapproval but finally took the money from Harry. “Thank you.” Louis turned on a heel of his foot and opened the door.

“No, thank YOU. You’ve literally saved my ass today.” The student smiled at him, and his guest reciprocated.

"Goodnight, Harry." He waved and started slowly walking away from his door.

“Goodnight.” Brunette answered and closed his apartment. He locked it and swiped the studio with his eyes.

He dragged his feet to a window and opened it, letting crisp air into his apartment. It wasn’t awfully late at all, he decided to quickly tidy up the place and go back to drawing.

While he was taking down the sheet he used as a background, he found a notebook underneath it. It had a worn down, brown leather cover and was tied with two brown strings.

It wasn’t his, he knew that. There was only one person it could belong to. Harry put it back where he found it. Louis was probably going to be back sometime soon to retrieve it.


	2. Chapter 2

“Show me.” Harry heard as soon as he sat down in his usual spot. He looked at his friend sitting beside him.

"I don't know if I should." He opposed, placed a paper cup with hot tea on the desk and took out his sketching equipment from the backpack. The dark-haired guy looked at him, confused. "I never asked his permission." Harry shrugged and thought if he should share his work with his friend, Zayn.

An idea came to his head, and it seemed good enough of a disguise. Styles grabbed a post-it from his rucksack, opened the sketchbook and stuck the paper note covering the face of his subject.

“If you remove this, you’re cursed for life.” He warned his friend who took his sketchbook and studied it for a bit.

“How long did it take you?” Zayn asked, his eyes still glued to the paper.

"Umm… I had little over an hour with… the guy. Then he left, and I worked on it for two more hours maybe." Harry reached to his cup and lifted it to his lips. He tested the temperature with his tongue, but it was still too hot to drink.

"I've sat with this guy for like five hours, and it still looks shit. I hate you, why can't you just suck like all of us?" Zayn threw a folder in front of his friend. Treating this gesture as permission, Styles opened it and shuffled through pieces of loose paper. He passed a bunch of graffiti designs before he got to the artwork, he was the most interested in.

"It's not bad at all." He commented, dragging his fingers across smooth, white surface disturbed by dark lines. "The shadows seem a bit harsh, though. You were high drawing this, weren't you?" Both laughed, knowing that it was the case. "You're missing a toe."

Zayn took the sketch out of Harry’s palms and added the missing toe immediately. He tried to improve the shadows a bit, so none of them spoke for a bit.

“Where did you find a model after all?” Harry turned his head to a sound and found Luna standing above him. Her eyes focused on the opened page of his sketchbook.

“Facebook. Thank you for the idea.” He smiled and closed the opened book.

“Next time try Tinder, you wouldn’t struggle so much.” Zayn commented, lifting his head from above his work.

“That’s exactly what I’ve said!” Luna got excited and laughed loudly.

“I was looking for a model, not an STI.” Harry rolled his eyes and Zayn gave him a stare.

“Yeah, like you didn’t fuck him.” Malik scoffed and put his pencil down.

"With an ass like that he wouldn't have to ask me twice." Luna joined Zayn's side, and Harry started wondering if his friends actually knew anything about him. They have never seen him in love. Did they just assume that he was as loose as them both? Probably… it was how normal people behaved in college, right?

"I'm not having this discussion." He sighed in relief because the professor called him to grade his sketch. Harry kicked the chair from underneath his body and took the sketchbook with him. In a few long leaps, he was already at the woman's desk.

The student handed his sketchbook in, and brown-haired woman opened it. He tore off the post-it he forgot about and stood there for a solid minute when the lady looked at his work.

"I don't have anything negative to say." She shrugged but didn't take her eyes off of the sketch. "You've chosen a very good pose for your model. Making sure that every asset is visible." The woman closed the book and put the grade into her notebook. "Few of my students thought about organizing an exhibition of submissions for this assignment. Yours is by far one of the best ones I've received so maybe you would be interested?" She asked, and Harry smirked a bit.

"No, sorry." He replied. "I didn't ask him if he was okay with me showing the sketch to anybody else besides you." He raised the post-it to her eye-level. "Hence this." He explained it and took his sketchbook from her. "Thank you for your opinion, though."

“I respect your decision but please, reconsider. You can’t let all that talent go to waste by keeping all your art in the drawer Harry.” She smiled and looked up at him.

“I’ll think about it.” He promised and turned on his heel to get back to his seat.

Harry knew he was full of shit. His mind was already made up. He could never exhibit bare ass naked Louis to people without his consent. That would cross so many lines… just no.

Harry and Zayn got up from their seats as soon as the professor dismissed them and headed towards the exit.

“We were thinking about going for a drink today, are you down?” Zayn asked while they were walking towards the grand hall of the building.

"We as in?" He asked, knowing that either way, he wasn't in the mood.

“Me, Luna, Victor and probably a few people they’ve invited.” Malik shrugged and put his leather jacket on.

"I'd love to, but I have plans today." He sighed, thinking that it will make him more convincing.

“Don’t lie to me.” Zayn scoffed. “If you’re not in the mood just tell me, I won’t blame you.”

“Okay, I’m not in a mood.” Harry admitted when they were already standing outside of the building. Zayn lit his cigarette and inhaled the smoke.

“I can call it off and come by if you want? We could grab some beers, maybe get high? Are you down?” He proposed giving Styles a worried look.

"I like the plan, but there's no need for you to cancel the evening. We can do that sometime later. Maybe on the weekend?" Harry asked and put his freezing palms into the pockets of his coat.

"Sounds good to me." The companion smiled, seeing that his friend was actually okay. They both walked towards the same bus stop, separating eventually when Zayn's line arrived first and left with him inside.

Harry didn't know Zayn long, but as soon as they met during their first year of Uni, they clicked. There were two sides to his friend. He could be either quiet, closed off to strangers or a total party animal, an embodiment of charisma. That second side usually came out while drunk, but that was not always the case.

Zayn was also very passionate about his art. He loved graffiti, especially. Sometimes he would hit Harry up in the middle of the night and drag him somewhere to paint some walls. His friend was also very down to earth. He was financially much better than Harry was, but he never acted like some of those entitled kids with rich parents.

Styles didn’t have many friends he would just casually hang out with, especially not in Manchester, but Zayn was definitely one of those people. They would just sit at either one’s apartment and watch tv, drink, smoke weed if Harry was up for it. Sometimes they would just get high and talk for hours about everything and nothing.

Harry’s thoughts were interrupted by his bus, which obviously arrived late. He hopped inside the vehicle and squeezed the railing next to him.

An hour had passed. Harry was again sitting alone in his favourite coffee shop, sipping his peppermint tea. He observed the world outside through the large window opposite him. People were strutting down the street to find a shelter from the pouring rain. Some of them chose the café and stood in the doorway, hoping that the weather clears up soon.

The student remembered about something that he had on his mind since Friday. He reached to his backpack and grabbed the notebook that Louis had left at his apartment when he visited. It looked like something important. Harry gave him three days to contact him before he was going to start looking for clues inside. He even considered the fact that the guy was out of town for the weekend! He didn’t reach out though…

Brunette, still feeling guilty untied the strings keeping the notebook closed. He leaned over it and opened it on the first page. The place that a normal person would place some kind of contact information. Unfortunately, Harry had already established that Louis was reckless and wouldn’t probably bother doing this kind of stuff. He was right. The page was clean, except for a stain in the corner indicating that something was spilt on the notepad.

An hour and two more teas later, Harry was still digging through the archive of Louis' brain. There was everything! Random notes, song lyrics, attempts at journaling… and his deepest thoughts. Styles felt guilty, so fucking guilty, but everything in him wanted to know more about this guy. He was just so interesting to him for whatever reason.

He wasn't that far gone, to be honest. Pages were covered in dense handwriting, and the man turned them slowly, to give himself enough time to soak up all of the information he was discovering. He analysed every piece of text he laid his eyes on. The writing was messy, the more emotional part- the messier the writing. That notebook was an old one. The oldest note he found was from four years prior.

Next page revealed a bunch of text blocked out with black ink. There was only one sentence that wasn’t blacked out. “MOM IS DYING” written in bold, messy letters. Harry’s first instinct was to close the book. And so, he did. He felt like he crossed the line. No, he crossed the line as soon as he untied those strings.

Suddenly the guilt wasn’t the worst thing he felt. His throat almost closed off when he imagined what Louis has been going through. Harry couldn’t stand the thought of losing his mother, not to mention her actually passing away. He didn’t know if the woman died, he wasn’t going to read more to find out. It was not his place to snoop through the deepest thoughts of a guy he barely knew. He felt like an intruder, he was an intruder.

Harry grabbed the notebook by the spine and fanned it out, looking for clues as to where he could find Louis. He sent him a couple of emails but didn't get a response to any of them. Styles was going to give up when something caught his attention. Small, messy, upside-down letters at the end of the notebook. It was an address! Louis thought about signing the book, he's just mistaken the front with the back… Oh, Louis.

The man put the notebook back into his rucksack. He drank the last of his lukewarm tea and grabbed the cup, which he dropped off at the counter. After paying for his order and engaging in small talk with the owner, Harry ran out from the shop into the pouring rain.

His apartment was just around the corner, but he still ended up getting soaked on his way home.

The man kicked off his brown, leather shoes and didn’t even bother taking his coat off. He walked to his desk and sat down on a chair. His hand reached one of the drawers and pulled out a piece of stationery he bought almost a year ago. He never got the chance to use it before, so even though his mood was miserable, he still got excited when he felt the silky texture of cream paper under his fingertips.

He grabbed his fountain pen and hung the nib above the sheet of paper. He was lost, didn’t know what he wanted to say. What was appropriate to say in the situation he found himself in? How to apologize for invading someone’s privacy in such a way but still sound compassionate and supportive?

“Dear Louis.” he wrote. Yeah, that was a good start.

“First of all, I wanted to apologize. The mission of finding your contact information quite quickly escalated into a condemnable invasion of your privacy. I am incredibly ashamed of what I’ve done, I’m surprised that I acted this way and I will understand if you get mad, I would too.”

Harry sighed deeply and scratched his head, thinking about what he should write next. He was lost for words, so keeping it brief seemed like the best idea.

"I did not read the whole thing, though. I promise that I have stopped as soon as I realized how disgusting it was. I've crossed the line. I feel like a complete piece of shit.

I just hope that you are doing okay, Louis. I know that we barely know each other and maybe I am acting out of line, but please know, that you can reach out to me if you ever feel like talking, I am a very good listener.

PS. It was very rude to put that money in my mailbox, Louis. Also, that offer on cooking and math classes still stands.

PPS. I thought you should have your own copy of the sketch. My professor loved it, we made a good team.”

Harry signed the letter and wrote his phone number underneath the signature. He put his pen back in the drawer and took out his second sketchbook. The one he copied the artwork in. He opened the book on the right page, tore it out, folded in two halves and put it into an embellished envelope with his messy letter, and the fifty quid Louis had slipped into his mailbox on his way out of the building.

Fifty-two minutes later, Harry was walking down the street he’s never been on. The whole district was completely new to him, even though it wasn’t even that far away from his place. Yeah, he probably should leave his apartment more often and get to know the city better.

The brunette was wandering around the block for a while but still failed to find the right building. He asked a man walking past him for directions and only then he was able to locate the place. No wonder he wasn’t able to find it, the entrance was hidden so well, he would’ve never stumbled upon it without help.

Just as he approached the door, an old lady slowly walked out the building he was headed to. Harry took the opportunity and slipped inside after her. Right around the corner, he found mailboxes hanging off the wall. The building was quite run-down, but Harry wasn’t the one to judge since his own was far from pristine. When the man located the right box, he tried to slip the envelope containing the journal and the letter inside but to no avail, the opening was too narrow to do so.

Styles sighed, he thought he could just drop it in there and avoid the embarrassment of actually meeting Louis. Oh well... he already took the time of his day to travel there so he might as well climb some stairs and face the guy to give back his possession.

Those few stairs turned out to be quite a bunch actually. Harry climbed three stories. He started panting halfway up, clinging to the railing by the end of his journey.

He always knew he wasn't the athletic type, but he never actually realised how bad of a shape he was in. Brunette took a mental note to work out more for the third time this semester. Maybe this time he would act on his resolution? He knew damn well that was unlikely, but he was only letting himself down, so there was no harm, right?

A few minutes passed before his breath was close to normal, and his face wasn’t incredibly hot. He was sitting on the windowsill, clenching his slim fingers on the envelope he brought. His eyes were looking around the hallway until a stranger climbed up the stairs and looked at Harry with a question on his face.

“You’re alright mate?” He asked, thick unidentified accent spicing his words.

"Yeah." The student nodded when he registered, he was spoken to. "Just not used to that much exercise, I guess. Thanks, though." He shrugged.

“Ah, yes. The stairs take some time to get used to.” He laughed. “Anyways, see ya around!” The man started walking down the hallway. Styles hummed something back in response and watched brown-haired guy disappear around the corner.

It took a few more minutes before Harry gained the confidence to face Louis. He got back up on his legs and turned left to look for the right door. When he noticed that he was past the right number, he turned around and proceeded to go right. There it was. Beaten down, wooden door with aluminium number 17 on it. There was no doorbell in sight, understandable considering that there was a buzzer downstairs.

Harry took three deep breaths and clasped his fingers tighter around the notebook he was holding. Then he folded his right hand into a fist and knocked three times, feeling the door shudder under his knuckles.

A minute went by, but nobody was answering the door. Harry exhaled in relief, but at the same time, some kind of unexpected disappointment welcomed his mind. Yeah, maybe he was hoping a little bit to see Louis...

Just as he was going to head back home, he heard a commotion inside, and a few seconds later, he heard the door being unlocked.

Harry's heartbeat quickened a bit when he realized that he will have to explain his invasive behaviour, and he didn't even have the time to think of what he was going to say, stupid... He should've rehearsed earlier.

But then the door opened, and it wasn't Louis that greeted him. It was the same brown-haired man with whom Harry had a brief conversation in the hallway.

"Hey... again." The man seemed disoriented, his blue eyes glancing at Harry, who was just as surprised. This wasn't the shade of blue he was expecting to see. "Can I help you with something?" His voice pulled Harry's focus back on his pale, pinkish face.

"Umm... Yeah, sorry." Harry stuttered and looked deep inside those blue eyes. He always does that when he talks to people to see if they're genuine. The man didn't look away, and that was always a good sign. "I don't know if I'm at the right place, sorry to disturb you... Must've messed something up." He explained and smiled apologetically.

"Who are you looking for? Maybe I'll be able to help." The man proposed, and Harry was finally able to pinpoint his accent to a certain location. It sounded pretty Irish to him, could be Scottish though, since he sometimes had problems with telling those two apart.

“I’m looking for Louis. Louis...” Harry paused and just then realized that he doesn’t even know Louis’ last name. It wasn’t written on the back of the notebook, just the first name and address.

“Oh, Louis!” The man smiled widely. “No, he lives here. I’m his roommate. Niall.” Harry shook the hand that was reached towards him.

“Harry.” Brunette felt relieved that he found the right place.

"Louis is not here though." Niall explained, and Harry started to calm down. "He's with his family, and I'm not entirely sure when he's going to get back, sorry."

"Doesn't matter. I just... Louis left this at my place, and I thought he would like to get this back." Styles spoke faster than usual and reached the envelope towards Niall. "Could you maybe give it to him when he gets back?"

"Oh, sure. You're the pasta guy, aren't you?" Niall asked, and the student smirked at his new nickname.

“I guess I am.” His smile widened. Brunette put his palms into pockets of his coat.

"That pasta… DUDE!" Harry wanted to thank him for the compliment, but he was interrupted. "Wait a second." Niall turned around on the heel of his foot and disappeared behind the door.

Out of curiosity, Harry swept his eyes across the visible part of the apartment. The walls were painted beige, brown carpet covering the floor. From what he was seeing, he could assume that neither Louis nor Niall were the pedantic type. The place didn't look disgusting or anything, he had seen far worse flats of his Uni friends, but undeniably, the place could use some tidying up.

Before he could analyse the place further, Niall came back, holding a familiar Tupperware container in his hand.

“Louis wasn’t sure if he should waste your time returning it.” The man explained and handed the plastic vessel to the stranger.

“Oh, I forgot about this already.” Styles smiled. “I’m not going to bother you any more, thank you for making sure that this… envelope finds its way to Louis though.” Brunette reached his right hand and exchanged a handshake with the guy opposite of him.

“No problem, mate.” Niall put both of his palms into the pockets of his sweatpants. “It was nice meeting you.”

"It was mutual." Harry smiled and turned on his heel. After three steps, he heard the door closing behind him.

“ _Don’t feel like coming out tonight, sorry._ ” Styles typed on his old-fashioned cell-phone and send the message to Luna. He knew it was rude of him to decline for the third time in a row. Next time he will have to agree; if there was going to be next time. There’s only so many times people could stand his lame excuses until he stops getting invited, right?

Harry returned to the kitchen and uncovered the glass bowl to check on the dough he left to rise. It looked ready to work with, so he generously floured the countertop and turned the dough onto it. His big palms were soon covered with flour to avoid sticking. The cook placed the ball of his left palm in the middle of the dough to hold it in place and started stretching it, rotating ever so slightly to avoid tearing.

He hated this part, the dough was resisting his efforts to shape something at least resembling a circle, so he gave it more time so the gluten structures could relax. He remembered that the sauce he made was lacking salt, so he focused on that. The man took a big pinch of salt and stirred it into the bright red sauce.

A full song passed before brunette took the second attempt at moulding the dough. Giving it a few minutes was a good idea, now it took way less effort than before.

When his pizza was shaped, Harry gripped a spoon and smeared some sauce onto it, sprinkling shredded cheese on top of the red substance right after. He kept his toppings simple, not exactly by preference, more the necessity since his fridge was close to empty. It was a full week till he was going to get the money for the month and his budget was tight, to say the least.

After placing a few slices of green bell pepper, which he found shrivelled in the drawer of his fridge, Harry took the baking sheet into his hand and opened the oven. Yet again, his face was burned by hot air coming from the appliance, he was probably never going to get used to it… oh well.

When the pizza was in the oven, Styles decided to take a quick shower. He turned the music louder so it could be heard in the bathroom and undressed, making sure to put his clothes into the makeshift hamper situation he had going on.

He kept his shower short, he had around fifteen minutes till his pizza was going to be ready, so he skipped washing his hair that day. Maybe it wasn't the freshest, but then, he didn't plan on being seen by anyone for the remainder of the weekend, so he could postpone washing it to Sunday.

The student dried himself off and heard the oven beeping. With a towel wrapped around his hips, he left the bathroom and panicked for a split second seeing a man stretched on his couch. It didn’t take him long to realize it was Zayn, but the initial terror still clouded his thoughts.

“You scared the hell out of me.” He looked at his friend with a complaint, his face still pale from the fright.

"You wouldn't open the door, so I've let myself in, it's on you for leaving the door open." Malik shrugged and stood up to take his jacket off, he threw it over the armrest.

“Why aren’t you at Luna’s?” Harry asked and approached the oven. This time he took caution of the hot air and didn’t lean over until all of it escaped the oven.

“I wasn’t in the mood.” The man approached the record player and turned it off, only to replace the record to something he was fonder of.

"Are you okay?" Styles asked, he always did. And the answer was pretty much always the same. But sometimes it wasn't okay, and Harry was at peace with asking a hundred times and getting the positive response because the next one might be negative and he never wanted to be the friend Zayn feels alone around. He sure had some of those, Harry wasn't going to be one of them.

“Yeah.” He heard in response.

The cook took out a knife and split the sizable pizza into more manageable slices, which he divided in two and placed on two plates. He took the leftover sauce and brought it with him to the table.

"A bell pepper pizza?" Zayn laughed, looking at his contraption. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised knowing you as long as I do, should I?"

"No." The host replied and walked back to the kitchen to get himself a glass of tap water. "You want something to drink? I have water, tea and some apple juice, I think." He proposed, slightly abashed. He was never the one to complain about his financial situation. He'd rather starve than borrow money from his friends or family. That's why he usually stayed at home right before he got paid and struggled, just as he did at the moment.

"No beer?" Zayn asked, surprised as if beer was the most essential product to every household.

“None. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you.” Harry explained and bit the inside of his cheek. He always did that when he was nervous.

“Water’s good.” Zayn smiled, he just remembered that it was the end of the month and instantly linked it to the sad-looking pizza in front of him. He wasn’t going to mention the money though, he knew that his friend didn’t even want to hear about Zayn helping him out. He would gladly do that, his financial situation was comfortable enough to do so, but Harry’s pride wouldn’t let him.

He tried before; two months into their friendship. This was the first and the last time they fought. Zayn never talked about Styles’ money issues again. It was not worth losing a friend insisting on helping him out when he wasn’t up to it.

Harry sat down on the couch and placed two tall glasses of water on the coffee table. He was very hungry. It was one of those days when he started reading right after breakfast, and it consumed him completely until he realized it was dark out.

“How do you manage to make stuff like this taste good?” Zayn moaned with a chunk of semi chewed-up pizza in his mouth. “You’re wasting away in that school, you should be a chef.” Harry smiled in response to this compliment.

"I'm not good enough for art school?" The man teased his friend, who just now realized how backhanded his compliment sounded.

“You know I didn’t mean that, you dick.” Zayn laughed and stabbed Harry’s ribs with his elbow. “You’re out there doing shit like that and I can’t do scrambled eggs, life’s unfair.”

“You want to change lives?” Harry joked and bit into his dinner. Zayn was right, it was tasty and was surely enough to fulfil his pizza craving at least until he gets paid.

"What you've been up to?" Malik asked after they've finished eating. Relaxing rhythm of R&B record filled the room, preventing the silence. It wasn't necessarily Harry's type of music; he got some records from a charity shop for a bargain, and this is how that particular one landed in his collection.

“I’ve been reading.” He pointed to the open book on the table. The spine was facing the ceiling, Zayn immediately recognized the book they were assigned to read.

"Are you kidding me? You're almost finished." He commented. "When did you start?" The guy asked, amazed and took a sip of his lukewarm water.

“This morning.” Harry shrugged and took their plates to the kitchen. Then he approached his bed and picked up his pyjama pants, which he put on in the bathroom.

“Fucking nerd.” Zayn joked and successfully made Harry laugh. “Do you feel like getting drunk?” He asked. “I could arrange someone to pick up some booze.”

“Not really.” The taller one paused and rinsed the plates he was washing. “I’m in this weird mental place right now. I feel like I would just get sad smashed.”

“And we don’t want it to happen?” Zayn made sure and reached for his coat. “How about smoking?” He proposed and took a girthy joint from his pocket. “It’s the good stuff, will calm you right down.” He promised and stretched his legs out.

“Sounds good.” Styles got back to his friend and sat down by him. He grabbed the lit joint from Zayn, squeezed it between his fingers and inhaled slowly.

“What’s on your mind?” Zayn asked. Harry was sitting upright on the couch, with his head thrown back, eyes plastered to the ceiling. Nobody said anything for at least five minutes. They were both high as a kite, getting lost in their thoughts.

“Louis.” Harry shrugged. In his mind, this was enough explanation.

“What about him?”

“I’m wondering if he’s okay.” The man answered. It was over a week since he went to Louis’ place to return the journal. There was no way the man didn’t come back till now, right?

"What makes you think he wouldn't be okay?" Malik didn't understand his friend's sudden concern with stranger's wellbeing, but he did not know that the concern wasn't sudden at all. Every now and then Harry caught himself thinking about the man he met a few weeks ago, especially since he learned that he has been through some stuff.

Harry was always very compassionate. Ever since he was a kid, he always put other people’s problems above his own. But he usually knew the people whose problems he was concerned with. He did not know Louis, though. They barely met, and somehow this man haunted Styles' thoughts ever since.

“I don’t know, I’m high.” Harry cut the questioning; he knew damn well that it wasn’t his place to tell Zayn about this boy’s problems. He, himself shouldn’t even know about any of them.

"Yeah, we both are." The shorter one giggled and bit into one of the pizza edges he always left behind. "Why won't you reach out to him if you liked him so much?" Zayn asked as if it was so easy… For him, it was. All he needed was three shots, and he turned into a walking representation of charisma. Harry was never like that. Harry worried more than he would like to admit how much other people's opinion affected him. Harry hated the thought that he could come off as invasive if he contacted Louis somehow. That's why he wasn't going to do that.

"If he wanted anything to do with me, he would've called me. I gave him my number, so he has to know I'm up for meeting him again." Styles sighed and glanced at the clock hanging between two pairs of doors. It was almost three in the morning. "I'm going to sleep, are you crashing?" The man asked, and his friend nodded in response. He stood up and poured himself another glass of water. It was something that he did. His weird habit, he HAD TO have a full glass of water on his nightstand when he was going to bed.

On his way to the bed, Harry locked the main door, and a few seconds later he was digging himself under the covers. Zayn took his clothes off, folding them neatly and leaving on the couch. He approached the record player in the corner of the room and turned the music off. Then he closed the window, and only a few minutes later, he was laying next to his friend, fast asleep.

“I’m going to head out.” Zayn said when Harry was still eating the breakfast his friend had ordered for both of them. There was so much food on the table, way too much for both of them. Too much for the family of five to be honest. Zayn said something about the guy messing up his order but Harry wasn’t entirely sure if it wasn’t his friend making sure that he has something to eat at least for three next days.

"You have plans?" The host asked, chomping down his breakfast burrito.

“I’m meeting with Don for lunch, have to go home to shower and change.” Zayn smiled. Don was short for Doniya, his older sister. Styles could see how excited his friend was, he was a big family man, and he knew that the separation from his family was the worst thing Zayn had to endure when living in Manchester. Harry understood him, he was just the same. But Zayn was way better with that whole visiting family stuff, and his friend secretly hated it.

"Is she staying?" Harry asked and sighed when he realized how much he actually missed his mother and sister. He was supposed to go home this weekend. Unfortunately, he kind of had to choose between groceries and the tickets.

"No, I think she has a client in here, but then she has another tomorrow morning back in Bradford."

“Cool that she still found time to catch up with you.” Harry smiled into his next bite and chased it with a gulp of his sugar-free lemonade.

"She knows I'd kick her ass if she wouldn't." Zayn laughed and put his coat on. "Anyways, have a nice time reading, you nerd. Maybe I'll drop by in the evening, I don't know." Styles simply nodded in response and half a minute later, his friend was out of the door.

The place was a mess. Harry had those frequent spurts of inspiration for a few weeks now, and he really couldn't be bothered with cleaning his apartment. He needed to take advantage until the next block, right?

But there were no excuses anymore. The place was trashed with art supplies laying everywhere, the easel in the middle of the room, paint tubes scattered at the bottom of it.

The first step Harry had partaken was placing all of the styrofoam containers with leftovers in the fridge. There was so much food it could feed two people for at least two days. Well… at least he didn’t have to worry that much about starving to death.

It was ten in the morning. His neighbours were probably awake already so in a few big leaps he approached the record player and put on one of his favourite records by Fleetwood Mac. Yes, he needed something to keep him motivated to clean the place up. When the record started spinning, and the sound of guitar flooded the place, Harry felt a new dose of energy entering his body.

With the “hamper” in his left hand, the man was roaming around the place and putting all of the laundry in the container. When he thought he got everything, he took the sheets off his bedding and put it in the laundry as well.

The laundry basket filled quickly, so the student put everything into the washing machine, not separating anything at all. He always washed his clothes like that and nothing ever happened, so why should he unnecessarily complicate his life, right?

All that was left to do was to put detergent into the drawer. Harry brought an appropriate amount from the bathroom and dropped it where it belonged. One press at the right button and the machine started filling with water, loud humming noise announcing the process.

When he checked laundry off his mental to-do list, he proceeded his cleaning routine. Next step was picking up his supplies off the floor. That was the worst place for them to be. The man brought back a memory of that one time when he stepped onto a tube with yellow paint, and it burst under pressure, bright stain on the rug still reminding him of the incident.

It took him around twenty minutes to put everything back in its rightful place, mostly into his desk drawers that were full to the brim with stuff. That’s what you’re dealing with when you work with mixed mediums, oh well…

It was almost nine in the evening when Harry finally gathered some energy to hang his laundry up on the dryer. He finished cleaning around noon, his place was pretty much as good as it ever got and he was proud of himself. Not living in filth felt refreshing, to be honest. But then he got lost in his book, and when he finished it, the inspiration struck, and he was back at the easel, painting for hours, still nowhere close to finishing.

His back was killing him though, there was only so much time he could endure leaning over the canvas, placing soft, careful strokes onto it. Hanging laundry was the last thing he had to do before he could shower and go to sleep. Yeah, he planned on going to sleep on old people hour.

Half an hour later, Harry came out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, soaking wet hair dripping on the laminate floor. He approached the fridge and took out one of the leftover containers. He plated something that looked like eggy fried rice and placed it in the microwave to heat up.

He was devouring the second meal of the day on the couch when he heard quiet knocking on the door, barely even detectable between smooth music in the background. Harry got up from the couch and opened the door certain that he was going to see Zayn. He warned him that he might come over, so that wasn't unreasonable of the man to expect him, right?

The confusion clouded his expression when he opened the door. It was not Zayn. Out of all people he knew, the person who was standing in front of him was somebody he would the least expect to come.

“Louis.” He nearly gasped, the corners of his lips curving up to the ceiling ever so slightly. His smirk was gone as soon as he realized that his guest looked something between sad and embarrassed.

“Hey, I…” Louis started, his eyes travelling from Harry’s face to the laminate floor underneath Styles’ feet. “I don’t know what I was thinking coming here, sorry to bother you. I’m just stupid, I should go… Sorry.” The boy drawled, not raising his eyes even for a second. He definitely looked like something was bothering him.

"What are you talking about? Don't be silly, come in." Harry stepped to the side to make room for Louis to enter. His face was puzzled for a split second, but then a silent sigh left his lips, and he dragged his feet into the apartment.

“I thought I would never see you again.” Harry said. He took his guest’s coat and hung it by the door. “Sit down, would you like to eat something? I was just having dinner. I have an assortment of leftover breakfast food from some healthy restaurant.” He proposed and looked at Louis getting settled on his couch.

“No, I can’t eat right now. I could use a glass of water if that’s not a problem.” The boy answered and pressed his thighs against his chest.

Harry quickly poured him a tall glass of cold water and brought it to the table.

“Excuse me for a minute, I’ll get dressed.” Harry got a fresh pair of pyjama bottoms from the chest of drawers and some t-shirt. He went to the bathroom and closed the door behind himself. When the towel was off his bottom half, he twisted it around his dripping wet hair and soaked as much moisture off of them as possible. Then he draped the towel over the shower curtain railing and went back to his room.

He was confused when he didn’t see Louis sitting on the couch, for a split-second disappointment took over when he thought that the boy had left.

The feeling went away as soon as Harry noticed that his guest was standing in front of the easel, observing the painting he's been working on. He was really curious why the man decided to come here. He didn't reach out to him all this time, and now he's visiting out of nowhere? It was too early for the questions, though. Especially when Louis' radiated some serious unpleasant vibrations.

“Oh, that’s nothing. I was just playing with some paint and…”

“Stop being so humble, it’s beautiful.” Louis interrupted him. “My mother loves those flowers. I have no idea how they are called but… she loves them.”

“Peonies.” Harry explained.

“Oh, right. I’ve heard that name before. She used to keep them in the garden every summer.” Louis came back and sat on the couch in the same way he was sitting before. Harry joined him and quickly finished his dinner. He didn’t want to come off rude.

“You know, that was the plan.” Louis spoke after the long pause in the conversation. Harry was in the kitchen, leaning over the sink and rinsing the plate off of soap suds.

“I’m not sure if I understand.” Brunette admitted and came back to the couch with glasses he refilled with water. He sat sideways on the couch, his back pressed onto the armrest, observing Louis’ every move.

“I never planned on seeing you again.” Louis confessed and plastered his eyes to the painting. He was too embarrassed to look at Harry.

“Oh…” The student sighed in surprise. “What changed your mind?” He asked, still not taking his sight off of Louis, who started squirming in his seat, puzzled look on his face.

"It's stupid…" He spoke. Brunette did not say anything, he felt like there was more coming. "I was at home ever since we saw each other for the first time, it's been rough for me lately and something about you… I felt comfortable in your company. You have a very calming presence, you know?" He asked, and Harry couldn't help the smirk that welcomed his lips. Thankfully, Louis still wasn't looking at him, it could come off disrespectful for him to smile when this boy was opening up to him. He could see that it didn't come easy.

"It's not stupid at all." The student said after a few seconds of silence. "As I've written in my lousy letter I… I'm always here if you need somebody to talk to, or somebody to listen. Doesn't matter." The man settled deeper into his seat and pulled his damp hair back. "I'm glad that you came here. I know that reading your journal was a total dick move, but ever since I did, I was thinking about you. Didn't want to be invasive though so I didn't reach out."

“I’m not mad at you for reading it, I’m the idiot that left it in here in the first place.” Louis smiled and turned his body, now he was sitting in the same manner as Harry was, they were facing each other.

“What’s happening in your life? Why it’s been rough?” Styles asked; he tried to read emotions off Louis’ face but to no avail. He had an idea why the boy was bummed out but did not want to make assumptions.

"It's just. My mom… you've read about my mom?" Louis asked, and grim expression welcomed his face.

"I only got to the part when you wrote that she was sick, then I realized what I was doing and stopped immediately." Styles confessed and looked at the floor, ashamed.

Louis sighed and hid his face in his palms for a few seconds.

"That was quite a while ago. She's… she has leukaemia… She had worse and better days but now… It's just getting worse and worse. The chemo only makes her suffer more, and I'm just… I'm just overwhelmed with the thought of losing her." Louis' eyes become glossy with tears which he struggled to keep in his eyes. Harry's eyes were no different. He sniffled and raised his hand to wipe the tears breaking away with the top of his palm. "I know that it's hard stuff that I'm laying on a stranger but… I have nobody to talk about this… I don't want to talk to my sisters, with mom we're acting like everything is fine, the last thing I want is for them to worry as much as I do." A single tear rolled down the boy's cheek. "There's also Niall… you've met him, haven't you?" Harry nodded, still trying to compose himself. All he could do is think about what he would do if he found himself in a situation like this. He would probably kill himself, that's what he'd do.

"He's a good lad, but I don't know if he's the one to talk about that stuff with… And there was you. A guy that… seemed so out of place, you don't belong in this world. I don't even know you, but something tells me that you're one of the good ones. And something in my dumbass mind told me to come here today and bother you with my problems. It was stupid of me, I'm sorry."

“That’s sweet that you think so highly of me but… there’s a lot to me that you don’t know about.” Harry managed to dry his eyes. The saltiness of his tears stung his cheeks just a little. “But that doesn’t change anything, I still am here to listen to whatever you have to say. I’m not the one to back away from difficult topics.”

“Yeah, you seem like the kind of guy you could talk about everything about.”

“I’d like to think that I am that guy.” Brunette chuckled. His eyes were still on Louis’ face, a gallery of expressions welcoming it only to disappear and free space for the next one. His cheeks flushed when he realized that his companion was looking at him so blatantly.

“How many siblings do you have?” The host broke the comfortable silence between them. Louis seemed to be deep into his thoughts, it took him a second to realize he’s spoken to.

"Six. I have a different father than them, though." He confessed, playing with his fingers, flustered.

"Six, wow." Student gasped. It would drive him crazy if there were five more of Gemma in his life. "Does that change anything? That you have a different father?" He asked. Even though his mom had her fair share of long-term relationships, he shared both parents with his sister.

“No, not really. I love them to death. I never knew my father.”

“Would you like to?” Brunette asked.

"Not gonna lie, there was a time in my life when I wanted to reach out to him, but that was brief. He didn't want to know me, so why would I want to know him, right?" The boy grabbed his glass from the coffee table and took a sip of water that had already come back to room temperature.

"You're right, I haven't had a great relationship with my father either. But okay, as much as I would like to keep the interrogation going, it's extremely rude of me to question you like that." The men exchanged smiles and a few, powerful knocks have broken the silence. "I'll be right back, sorry."

“Are you expecting someone, I can go… I don’t want to…”

“Don’t be silly.” Styles interrupted and slipped outside the door into the hall, surprised Zayn standing in front of him. He took a few steps back to distance himself from his friend, who was way too close.

"What are you doing? Let me in." Malik demanded, but Harry wouldn't take his hand off the doorknob.

“I would but I really can’t.” Styles felt guilty and stupid. He should’ve messaged his friend and tell him not to come.

“Who’s there?” The shorter man asked, a smirk welcoming his lips.

"Louis." He admitted. "I'm sorry. I should've texted you."

“What is he doing in here? Are you finally getting laid?” Zayn asked, his smile deepening. He squinted his dark eyes, analysing Harry’s expression very carefully.

“No, I just… He needed to talk to somebody.” Harry said like there was nothing weird about a complete stranger coming to his flat in the late evening to vent.

“Oh, he really has to hate you so much then.” Zayn mocked and put his hand into a pocket of his leather jacket. He took out a baggie with one, fat joint he brought with him and handed it to his friend. “Have fun, relax. You both sound like you need that. Oh, and this.” The brown-eyed man handed his friend a paper bag with something quite heavy. On closer inspection, it turned out to be two bottles and a bag of crisps. One of the bottles contained tonic water, the other Zayn’s favourite brand of gin.

"I can't take that." Harry tried to decline his offer, but Zayn with small, backwards steps started drifting away from him. He wouldn't take no for an answer.

“Am I seeing you tomorrow at school?” Friend asked when he was good six feet away.

“Yeah, of course, you are.” Styles scoffed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. He never missed a class; Zayn’s question was just plain stupid.

“Alright bro, see you tomorrow then.” His friend winked and disappeared before Harry could protest further.

With a long sigh of defeat, the man opened the door to his flat and slid back into it.

“Sorry it took so long.” He apologized and placed the paper bag into the fridge, leaving the joint on the kitchen counter. He was not going to offer drugs to this boy he barely knew, he was better than that.

“I’ve brought the money back.” Louis confessed, embarrassed look on his face.

“Why won’t you just accept it?” Harry sighed, a smirk curving his plump lips. “You could’ve taken your siblings to get ice cream or something. That was a part of the deal. I got my good grade, you got the money. Wasn’t that the reason that you responded to my post in the first place?”

"No, I'm just on a deathwish." They both laughed. "It's just a part of my weekly routine to go to stranger's places, hoping that somebody will end me." The boy joked and stretched his legs on the couch. "Are you sure I'm not disturbing you? Don't you have classes or something tomorrow?"

“No.” The student lied. Okay, technically he didn’t lie. He said that Louis wasn’t disturbing him, not that he didn’t have classes. Brunette leaned over to one of the cabinets and took a bowl out. He placed the plastic vessel on the counter, ripped open the pack of crisps Zayn brought and filled the bowl with them.

“Do you want to talk some more?” Brunette asked when he sat back on the couch, placing the bowl on the table.

“Can we just hang out?” Louis squirmed in his seat his feet pressed to Styles’ thigh. “Sorry I’m wasting your time like that… I just need something to take my mind off all the… stuff.”

“Of course, can I offer you a drink? My friend just brought me a solid bottle of gin, what do you think?” Harry proposed and sprung back on his feet to fix himself a drink.

"Sure, that will work." The guest followed along to the kitchen and leaned over the counter, observing his new friend's every move.

Beverages turned out to be chilly, thankfully. Either way, Harry still put some ice in two tall glasses and uncapped the heavy bottle of alcohol.

Styles tipped the bottle and started filling glasses with more gin than he would usually use. He topped the glasses with tonic and squeezed some lime into his glass, then he glanced at his new friend with a question in his expression.

"Me too." The boy said, and the student proceeded to squeeze the fruit into the second drink.

"I thought I had you somewhat figured out, but you've surprised me today, not going to lie." Louis said between the sips of his second, strong drink.

“Yeah?” Harry asked, not entirely sure what he had in mind.

“You didn’t strike me as a pothead.” The guest smiled and sipped his beverage.

“Do I really look like this good church boy?” Harry laughed and bit the inside of his cheek. “Surprisingly or not, you’re not the first person I hear this from… I do smoke sometimes, only in good company though.” Brunette brushed spread fingers, moist from the light mist covering his glass through his hair and got some loose strands off his face. “Like… when I do drugs with somebody that has to be the person I trust. Somebody that won’t leave me to die if something goes wrong, you know?”

"You're one of those responsible ones, huh? Can't say I'm surprised." Louis smirked and gripped his glass tighter. "I've done shit with some questionable people back in the day, but now it's mostly Niall. Sometimes guys back home but it's not often I can even find some time to relax like that." The boy complained and threw his head back, plastering his eyes to the ceiling. He stayed like that for a minute but then got his head to the normal position with a sigh.

“How about now? Do you feel like getting high?” Harry asked.

“Am I worthy?” He joked, frightened look in his blue eyes.

"Yeah, my mom wouldn't approve of me putting my guard down around a stranger like that, but something about you makes me feel safe." Styles confessed. Louis felt his face flushing red. "And I know my friend wouldn't bring me any dodgy stuff. And he knows I'm with you so yeah, I feel pretty safe."

“Let’s fucking do this then.” Harry laughed at Louis’ response and got up to retrieve a joint he was gifted.

“Do you have a lighter by any chance? I’d rather avoid lighting it with the stove… let’s just say the last time I did that I didn’t have eyelashes for six weeks.”

“You wouldn’t have any pictures from that time, would you?” Louis asked, laughing loudly. “Yeah, I have a lighter in the right pocket of my jacket.” The taller man walked to his door and fondled with Louis’ jacket for a bit until he found the pocket. He slid his hand into it and navigated a small lighter alongside a pack of cigarettes.

“No pictures, sorry.” Harry turned the light off, leaving only two lamps on. He sat back on the couch and stretched his legs, putting his feet onto the table. “If I had any, I would’ve burned them a long time ago.” They both laughed, brunette handed the joint to Louis, allowing him to light it and take the first hit.

“Do you do anything besides weed?” Boy asked. “You’ve said that when you do drugs…”

“I’ve done shrooms a couple of times.” Styles confessed. “We would just sit with my school friends, get high out of our minds and just paint shit.” Louis pulled himself up in his seat.

“A competition who’s going to create more fucked up shit?” He asked smirking ever so slightly when he looked at Harry with amusement.

“Not much of a competition. Zayn is a king of wacky art, he would’ve beaten us even sober.”

“Do you have anything you’ve painted on shrooms in here?” The boy asked glancing at the pile of colourful canvases leaning against the wall behind the easel.

"No, sorry." He said, taking another hit and passing the weed to his mate. He was surprised that the boy seemed actually, genuinely interested in his creations. "I have a little storage space at Uni, and I store everything in there. My teacher wouldn't let me trash it." He sighed. "I could take you there sometime if you're down."

"I would love to." Louis admitted with a bit more enthusiasm than he planned to, making himself sound like a dumb teenager trying to impress her crush while pretending she was interested in the same stuff as he was.

But the truth was that Louis was actually interested. He was interested both in Harry as a person, he never met somebody as intriguing as this guy and curious with this guy’s art. He’s seen a small portion of it and even when he wasn’t necessarily an artsy type, he was fascinated with both the process and the outcome. Something about Harry’s focused face and frantic pencil strokes made Louis feel some type of way ever since he posed for him.

“When are you off work then?” Harry asked, getting subconsciously excited about the plans. Up until this point, he wasn’t sure if he would see the boy again.

“Thursday?” Louis asked. “I’m free for the whole day.” He proposed, hoping the student would say yes since he had quite a busy schedule. He still had to overcompensate for the family leave he took when he went home to spend time with mom.

“Thursday it is.” Harry’s lips curved to the ceiling. “I have a break between classes at two. Does two sound alright?”

“Two sounds perfect.” The boy accepted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... I broke and uploaded quicker than I've anticipated.  
> And again, thank you for taking your time to read my stuff.  
> The support I've been getting whether it was here or on twitter has been appreciated, very motivating tbh  
> For any questions head to my twitter @gerardisonfire  
> Take care!


	3. Chapter 3

"Ugh." Harry moaned as soon as he regained his consciousness. Blearing headache blocking every thought in his head. He squirmed in his bed, wrinkling the bedding, taking some time before he decided to open his eyes. After a few blinks, his vision stopped being blurry, and he looked around his apartment.

Seemingly everything was in its rightful place, deep down, Harry knew something was missing. More like somebody… Somebody that was with him when he went to sleep but wasn't when he woke up.

Brunette got up, making sure to not move too rapidly so he wouldn’t make things worse. He felt a heavy weight in his stomach, stinging his insides like a red-hot iron rod. For the first time in a while, he cursed out the fact that he never really threw up. He went to his bathroom, evacuated an impressive amount of liquid from his bladder and swallowed two pods of liquid ibuprofen because that’s all he had in his cabinet. 

It was almost three in the evening, the sky was already grey, getting ready to welcome the darkness of the night. Harry was in desperate need of a bath. He undressed, folded his pyjama neatly, set it on the counter and filled the bath with hot water. 

At least a part of unpleasantness had left his body when it submerged in clean, warm water. He leaned his head back and sighed deeply in regret of last night's actions. But then he remembered everything that occurred, and he couldn't bring himself to regret anything at all.

This wasn't just a simple drunken night with Zayn, like many others before. No, he was with Louis. They got high, they finished the whole bottle of gin and were talking till the brink of the morning. They were sharing stories, talking about their families, getting to know each other on levels he did not know many people on. They laughed, they cried… until Harry fell asleep. He didn't remember how he found his way to the bed, but there was no way Louis would manage to carry him so he couldn't have been that drunk, right?

Styles was deep into his thoughts when a loud sound of his ringtone brought him back. He was in the bath for at least half an hour now, so he just stood up, hopped out of the bath and dried himself with a towel. Then he ran naked to the sound of his cell. It was buzzing on the coffee table. 

“I thought you died.” The student heard on the other side. Zayn sounded amused, to say the least.

“Don’t be disappointed, I’m currently in the process of dying.” Brunette went to his bed, squeezing the phone against his ear with his right shoulder. He sat down on the hard mattress and collapsed his head on the bed.

“That bad?” Malik asked. “Or that good?” Harry started to get pissed off at that mocking tone in his friend’s voice. “How was that ass?” 

“We didn’t do anything!” He snarled into the phone, regretting it immediately because his head did not appreciate it.

“Okay, okay. I believe you.” The friend tried to calm him down, it kind of worked.

"We just got really drunk and high, and now I'm dying." Harry sighed, smiling lightly with a thought of yesterday's night.

“Drink some water, lay down and just wait it out. You want me to come over?” 

“No, I can’t handle entertaining guests right now.” He denied and slid himself under the covers.

"Yeah, because I'm so demanding." Styles could basically hear the way his friend rolled his eyes. "Stay hydrated. See you tomorrow." The call ended, and the brunette turned onto his belly. He pressed his face onto the chilly pillow and screamed into it as loud as it was possible.

He could not fall asleep. God knows he tried, he tried so hard. He was thinking too much. He did not recall a whole lot from the last night, unfortunately. He barely remembered the second part of the evening. 

He recalled Louis scribbling something with his expensive watercolours. He remembered how youthful and genuinely happy he looked in that moment. Drunk, high of his mind but happy. A great contrast to the state he was in when he knocked on Harry’s door.

He remembered them both giggling like crazy when Louis put a compilation of something called "vines" on his phone. Their silhouettes pressed against each other to get a glimpse of the small screen of Louis' phone. The heat coming from Louis' body, making Harry feel some type of way, his arm pressed against the host's back, soft, heated breaths against his cheek.

Harry started thinking thoughts… bad thoughts. Heat pooling below his navel, blood rushing through the veins in the most private part of his body, getting trapped in his shaft that kept on swelling. He pulled himself up on his arms, accidentally brushing his erection against the mattress. The friction causing him to shiver, a deep sigh escaping his parted lips. He changed his position, now half-seating with his back pressed to messy pillows. Eyes closed, thinking what could happen if he acted on his recurring desire to kiss that boy.

Heavy, heated weight on his thigh demanded his attention. Unsure of the moral consequences of his sinful act he slid his right hand under the cover, brushing against the hair covering his lower belly and palmed himself three times until he felt he wouldn’t endure much more.

It was a long time since Harry pleasured himself. Definitely over a week. While he had a very romantic idea about love and physical pleasure directly linked to each other, he was still a guy in his early twenties. He was in his sexual prime, not acting up on his desires as frequently as normal guys would. 

Three deep breaths brought him back to the state he could control himself in. Reassured that he won't finish at the touch of his hand, he gripped himself at the base, and a shaky breath of relief vibrated through his throat. His head tilted back, pressed into the pillow, deep in the thought of touching Louis. He already saw pretty much everything there was to see, that provided him with a lot of material to project in his fantasy. 

He imagined himself stroking those muscular thighs, kissing every inch of their surface, soft hair pressing on his lips. His hand started moving abruptly, tightly gripping the length of his cock. There was nothing other he could think about but those thunder thighs and plump bum Louis was blessed with. He would do anything to have just a little taste of him, his mouth, his neck, his small, loose belly, the skin on the inside of his thigh, his cock…

Harry shuddered at the thought of Louis' body, squirming under his touch. He slid his thumb over the head of his cock a few times and proceeded to stroke himself rhythmically, left hand fondling his heated balls. His mind travelled to Louis' face, a product of Styles' imagination; the boy biting down on his lip in reaction to Harry's fingertips sliding up and down his pale body. His dick rupturing in Harry's throat. He wanted to please him more than he desired to be pleasured by him. He wanted to make him scream for more. The last thought of Louis gasping for air, pulling on Harry's hair when he blew him brought the man over the edge. Three last strokes and Harry spilt all over his hand.

Styles fell on his bed, exhausted. His chest was rising and falling frantically, his breath uneven, his shaft still throbbing on his belly. He felt relieved but also guilty. He always felt guilty when he brought back faces of actual people when he masturbated. He never watched porn anymore, so he needed something to get himself going. Usually, he resorted to fictional characters, though.

Some of the heavy weight lifted off his insides, he stayed in bed for seven more minutes, calming himself down almost completely. He still thought about Louis. Not in this filthy, shameful way but the boy still hasn't left his mind. He was excited about meeting him on Thursday. 

Harry got off the bed and dragged his feet to the bathroom. He grabbed a wet wipe and cleaned himself off, washing his hands thoroughly. He heard knocking on his door. Unaware of who it could be, he put his pyjama bottoms on and walked to the door, only to find a delivery man outside of it. 

“This has to be a mistake. I didn’t order anything.” Both he and the delivery guy were equally confused.

“The address is right, it’s paid off just take it, man.” Blonde teenager handed Harry a paper bag.

“Thank you?” The student said dumbfounded and the man opposite of him nodded in response and walked away. Styles pushed the door closed and settled the bag on the counter. He took a peek and immediately knew who was behind the secret delivery.

He recognized the logo printed on the cream coloured napkin. It was Zayn’s favourite hangover food place. 

Brunette sighed in disapproval and emptied the bag onto the counter. A recurring theme with his friend- way too much food was scattered on the counter. He picked the salad that he liked from the place, poured dressing all over it and ate the whole thing, standing over the sink like a mess he was.

“ _I’m going to kill you._ ” He typed and texted Zayn, taking a sip of green celery juice.

His friend responded with a stupid, winking emoji making Harry even more annoyed with Zayn’s charitable ass.

“ _Thank you._ ” He texted him again, without the response this time.

He was grateful for a friend like that. While he was very annoyed with Zayn's constant attempts to better his life with money, he was thankful. In Malik's defence, he pushed only when he knew Harry was broke and this time, his help was very much appreciated and needed. 

The student sat on the couch, still drinking the juice that was supposed to make him better. So far to no avail. He was staring into the painting of peonies on his easel and felt a sudden, unexpected inflow of creative force flooding his body. Unusual considering how miserable he felt.

He was not the one to ignore his creativity outbursts, so he got back to the easel and started mixing the colours needed to complete his artwork.

-

Harry sat in his usual spot and pulled out a sketchbook from his tan backpack, which he placed on a windowsill to his left. He was early for class, a class that he didn't feel like attending, but he wasn't one to miss his lectures, so he suffered through ninety minutes of roman art history every week. It was one of few courses Zayn didn't attend with Styles, so him not being there was only adding fuel to the fire. 

Few minutes that felt like ages passed before the lecturer arrived. Taking him even more time to start.

Harry was scribbling random lines in anticipation of a meeting he had scheduled for after that class. He was squirming in his seat, unable to pay attention to anything, like a hyperactive kid. His right leg kicking under the desk, annoying the hell out of Luna, who asked him to stop at least two times in the twenty-minute span they were there.

“Why are you so giddy all of a sudden?” The girl leaned over and glanced at the page of his sketchbook. “That’s an unusual enthusiasm for a history lesson, very unlike you.” She mocked, well knowing that Harry was not excited about the lecture.

“Giddy? Haven’t noticed.” Styles shrugged and composed himself, not raising his eyes from the sheet of paper he was halfway done covering in black ink. “I’ve had espresso before the lecture, that’s probably it.” He excused himself and calmed down his uneven breath. He felt his heart beating faster than usual, not sure if it was in anticipation to see Louis or an effect of instant coffee he had half an hour prior.

“Sure.” The blonde sighed and came back to taking notes. She knew that further questioning wouldn’t bring her any answers.

Styles proceeded with his task and by the halfway mark of the lecture he was done, the page of his sketchbook completely covered with an even coat of ink from his ballpoint pen. 

He left the book open so the ink would dry, not destroying the backside of his previous artwork. The potent smell of ink present in the stuffy air. He laid his head on the desk, thinking that maybe that way the time would pass quicker, he couldn’t be more wrong. Every minute dragged for eternity, the hands of his wristwatch rolling seemingly slower than usual. 

"See you next week, you can go now." It was only when he completely lost count of time that he was blessed with long-anticipated words. He threw his belongings into his backpack and stormed out of the classroom, dismissing Luna, who tried to start a conversation with information that he's in a hurry.

He wasn't lying. It was already two to two, being late, making Louis wait for him was the last thing he wanted. Despite that, he found a moment to visit a bathroom. Thankfully he was fast enough, and nobody was in there. 

Harry stood in front of a mirror and fixed his messy hair, but the improvement wasn't significant. He rubbed the ball of his palm across his forehead to rid the red mark that had occurred as a result of him pressing his head onto the desk, at least this succeeded and he looked a little less like an idiot. 

He pulled at his sweater, flattening it down on his stomach and accepted the fact that he looked as good as it was possible at the moment. In the last attempt to compose himself, he leaned over the sink and rinsed his face with cold water, dabbing the moisture away with a paper towel right after. Only when he dragged the fingers over his cheeks, he felt small stubble under his fingertips. Fuck, he should’ve shaved.

People started gathering in the bathroom, so it was the cue to leave. He kicked the door open and stormed through the corridor to get to the entrance, where he was supposed to meet his friend.

And there, he was. Leaning, back pressed on one of the concrete pillars, a cigarette between his slim lips. Harry’s face brightened at the glance of the petite man waiting for him there, observing passing students. The dimples in brunette’s cheeks were as deep as they got, no matter how hard Harry tried to soften his smile, his lips wouldn’t obey. He didn’t want to seem like a total creep. After all, this was only the third time he was meeting the boy. He shouldn’t be that excited.

But then, Louis noticed him walking in his direction and his lips curved towards the grey sky, squeezing the filter of his half-finished cigarette tighter. So, Styles wasn’t making as big of a fool of himself as he thought, good.

"Hello." Louis said flippantly, and Harry's smile grew even bigger if this was even possible. 

“Hi, how’s your day?” Styles asked and watched Louis inhaling smoke once again before the boy extinguished a cigarette on a trashcan and only then threw it away. The last of smoke seeping through his parted lips.

“Better now.” He admitted and gripped Harry’s elbow, pulling him into the building. “You’re must be freezing.” 

"Eh, not really." Harry gave in to the force of Louis pulling him inside, feeling a pleasant tingling on his bare skin when they got to the main hall, and Louis let him out of his grip.

“Wait a second.” Brunette left his friend under the notice board and took a course to the janitor’s office. “Hello Robert, how are you today?” He asked the man stretched in his rotating chair; his eyes plastered to the monitor broadcasting the image from some of the cameras placed along the hall. 

"Harry! Hey." He got up and approached the boy to squeeze his hand in a welcoming gesture. "I'm fine. Bit sleepy, but who isn't today, right?" Styles nodded in response.

"The weather is tragic, and it doesn't seem like it's going to improve before Christmas." Styles complained. "Can I please get the key for the storage room?" He asked, glancing at the box with all the keys.

“Of course, going to take a nap?” The balding man asked and handed Harry the brass key with a purple tag hanging off of it.

"Not sure yet, I have to organize the stuff a bit. It's a mess." The student lied and stepped out of the door. "Hang in there, you'll be free in an hour!" He cheered the man up, and Rob cheered back in anticipation of the end of his shift.

“Come on.” This time it was Styles who grabbed Louis’ elbow and pulled him in the right direction. Louis resisting as much as a raggedy doll would. “What have you been up to earlier? You’ve told that you’re okay now… did something happen?” The man asked when they were storming through the corridor, avoiding the people crowding the space.

“Let’s just say that we’re not getting along with one of our new neighbours.” He sighed and proceeded to pretty much run after Harry since his steps were much smaller than his friend’s and he had to overcompensate for that. 

"You are the new ones, or they are?" The man asked when they finally got to the right place. It was in the middle of the maintenance area, so there weren't any people in the hallway. 

"They are." He answered. "Niall hoovered the place before he went to work, around eight in the evening maybe and that was enough of a reason for our new sweet neighbour to call us a pair of filthy faggots." He laughed and observed Harry who unlocked the door, a deep wrinkle between his eyebrows appeared when he heard the slur, but he didn't comment on it, at least not right away, he just let Louis come in first.

"Jesus, where did she get the faggot from?" The man finally asked and closed the door behind them. He flipped the switch, and yellow light flooded the narrow room filled with canvases piled against the chipped walls.

“Don’t ask me.” Lou smiled and shook his shoulders. “So, this is the place I’m going to get murdered in, huh?” He joked and sat on a table that was the only furniture standing in the room. 

"Yep. Isn't that what you wanted?" Harry laughed, maybe louder than it was appropriate. "No complains, they are not giving these away to everybody. I think there are three people currently in the Uni that have gotten one of these." brunette took five steps and that was all it took for him to reach the other end of the room, the man presenting the space like he was on MTV Cribs.

Louis hopped off the table and dragged his feet on the scuffed linoleum floor to join his friend.

“So, you’re something of a big deal here, I feel honoured.” The smaller one smirked and watched Harry sort through the canvases, searching for something particular.

“This.” Brunette took out medium-sized painting and held it in the light of a window outlooking the empty garden area. “This is the first time I got high on mushrooms.” He proudly presented the… thing he painted in his freshmen’s year.

Louis approached the canvas and delicately pressed his fingertips to it, sliding his fingers, exploring the texture of the paint.

“What is it?” He asked, still following bold lines with his fingers. Harry, amused observed every expression on his face. Short fingers dragging over the surface of the canvas made him feel… things. 

“Don’t ask me.” They both laughed, the artist put the painting down when Louis’ eyes focused back on his face.

“You have a lot of those?” He asked and looked at the rest of the canvases. There had to be over fifty of them. “You get high a lot?” He followed his question with another one.

"No, not really." Harry denied. "At least not on shrooms." He added and pulled more coloured canvases from the same place he took the first painting out. "I might have painted over like three more, that's it." Louis grabbed another, bigger painting and this time, he was able to recognize something that looked like an elephant with squirrel's tail? 

The sight was so confusing, yet funny that he snorted, his body shaking with laughter. 

Harry watched Louis react to the art he has created both high and sober, his blue eyes glittering with excitement from time to time, when a piece particularly caught his attention. 

He seemed to be particularly fond of things painted under the influence, either drugs or alcohol. They were bolder, daring, out of Harry’s comfort zone, so he wasn’t very surprised. 

“What are those?” The boy asked when they were both sitting, legs dangling from the table. He saw everything there was to see besides the few canvases covered with a sheet of grey material. An hour had passed since they met, now they were just sitting in there, comparing their Monday hangovers.

"These are Zayn's. He usually keeps his stuff at home, but sometimes he doesn't feel like carrying the bigger stuff back there." Styles explained and got back on his long legs. 

He pulled the material delicately, trying not to agitate the dust collected on it too much. And there, they were. Four, big pieces Zayn had left there God knows when.

"He's way more out there when it comes to art. I think you might like these even more." Harry turned around one of the paintings, and Louis released a small sigh at the sight of Zayn's painting, his small palm covering his lips right after. 

“These are so cool.” Louis summed up Zayn’s art in one sentence. He was helping his friend cover the canvases with the sheet.

“He will kill me if he finds out that I showed them to you.” Styles smiled and sat on the table, quickly joined by Louis.

"Let's just keep it our secret then." He shrugged and leaned to the floor, trying to catch his backpack.

"You're going to fall and split your skull open." The older one scolded his friend, sounding like a worried mother. "You will actually die, and it won't even be my fault."

But he wouldn't listen. The boy was sliding even further over the edge of the table, and in desperate attempt to save him, Harry placed his big palms on Louis' calves, pinning them to the tabletop.

"I got it!" Louis triumphed and started pulling himself up, but his efforts didn't do much since he had only one hand free and not that much leverage. Brunette stepped in, yet again and pulled on the boy's legs to get him back onto the table.

And then he was back up, the time to break the physical contact has come too fast, leaving Harry craving more.

He hated the thoughts that flashed in his brain. The thoughts of pulling the boy harder, trapping his petite body under him and touching in the way he has never touched anybody before. The fantasies leftover from his sinning sessions that grew more and more frequent ever since brunette delved into Louis territory on Monday.

Harry’s face flushed red, the sudden heat causing him to jump off the table, pretending he was in desperate need of opening the window. And so, he did. Icy blows of fresh air have licked his face, bringing him back from the lustful place his thoughts wandered to. Making sure Louis was still not looking in his direction, the man fixed the softening erection in his underwear and thanked himself for choosing to wear the only pair of blue jeans he owned. He did not trust his body around Louis, especially after all of the sinful acts in which he imagined them engaging over the course of the last four days, the most recent incident just after he woke up that morning. His usual loose pants would make his boner obvious for everybody in the range of three kilometres.

“I’ve brought lunch.” Louis admitted when Harry came back to him and looked confused at the food spread on the napkins. “Thought you might be hungry.” He explained and Styles’ lips curved upwards at the thoughtfulness of his friend.

“You were right, I am starving.” He hopped back onto the table and picked up one of the triangular sandwiches that looked too sloppy to be bought at the store.

“I’ve tried, I promise.” His blue eyes rolled to the ceiling but then came back to Harry’s smiling face. He grabbed one of the mini carrots and dipped it into the store-bought hummus. Wrapping his tongue around the vegetable as he sucked off the paste only to devour the carrot right after.

He had to know what he was doing, right? Styles swallowed heavily and brought his eyes back to the spread that was the only thing standing between him and Louis. He poured some tea that the boy brought in a thermos into a paper cup and sipped the hot liquid observing his friend who was already finishing his ham and cheese sandwich.

“Didn’t you say you had a class to get to after the break?” The shorter one asked three sandwiches later. 

“What if I told you I don’t really feel like going?” The student squirmed in his seat and slid his numb bum off the table. He gathered the napkins and cups into a plastic bag and put it on the table with the intention to discard it later. 

“Please, don't go truant because of me.” Louis pleaded and hopped right off the table as well. “I can go.” He reassured and grabbed his backpack off the floor.

“What if I don’t want you to go?” Styles asked, bringing himself closer to his friend, standing directly in front of him. He felt Louis’ soft, shaky breaths on his chin. The boy took a step back, trapping himself between the table and the larger man.

"And you won't get in trouble for missing the class?" Tomlinson took a deep breath, and that seemed to help his racing heart.

"I haven't missed a single class since school started." Harry assured him and distanced himself from the boy. The heavy atmosphere between them loosened up a bit. "Oh, besides Monday." He corrected himself.

"You lied to me, you dick." Louis' palm flattened on man's chest in an attempt to punch him. The hit was only somewhat successful, thick sweater blocking pretty much all the force that the boy put into it. "You said you didn't have classes." This time, a tight fist has hit brunette's chest, and now the friend put more force since Harry's body stumbled ever so slightly.

“Hey!” Brunette shouted with a smile on his face. He trapped Louis’ wrists in his hands, the boy’s attempts to free himself were pointless. When he noticed that Harry wasn’t even putting too much force into holding him in place, he gave up. He was just throwing thunders at the guy with his blue eyes that have darkened just a bit.

“Just don’t lie to me. Why would you do that?” He squirmed and looked deep into Harry’s bright, green eyes.

"You wouldn't have stayed if you knew." The student shrugged, and Louis did something Harry would never expect him to do. A puzzled look welcomed his face, and then he moved. He didn't step back, though. He did the exact opposite. His folded arms were the only thing separating both men.

And then a sudden wave of confidence took over Styles' mind, and he leaned over to reach shorter man's lips. It was too late when he realized what he was doing. He did the only thing that he could do at the moment, closed his eyes and hoped he's not fucking everything up in this very moment.

Harry’s lips met with Louis’, his wrists still trapped by brunette’s tight grip. Shorter boy’s lips parted, allowing his friend to place a gentle kiss onto them. Thoughts racing through both of their heads, blood pumping through their bodies with increased speed, rumbling in Harry’s ears. Louis pressed himself closer to his companion, who finally let go of his wrists.

One of them sprung back where it belonged, second hand stayed raised, gripping tightly onto Harry’s woollen sweater. Styles cupped Tomlinson’s face in his big palms and proceeded to gift him with small, delicate kisses. The taste of sweet tea lingering in his mouth. Louis nibbled onto Harry’s bottom lip and embraced it with his swollen lips. 

The shorter man placed his free hand on his friend's waist and tried to bring him even closer as if it was physically possible. The brunette smiled into the kiss, noticing the attempt to close the non-existing distance between them and separated their lips, the gesture not appreciated by Tomlinson, who sighed in disapproval. 

Harry stood straight, his lips completely out of Louis' reach even if he stood on his tippy toes. He tried to pull him down by his sweater but to no avail. Pouting his lips like a disappointed toddler, he admired the blushed tone of his friend's cheeks, his irritated, even plumper than usual bottom lip tucked under his upper teeth. 

And then Harry raised his right hand to Louis’ cheek and cupped it yet again, smiling like he never smiled before. The boy was anticipating another kiss, slightly self-conscious about his unimpressive abilities but all he got was a small peck on the tip of his small nose. A gesture so endearing his heart skipped a beat.

"I guess this is where the faggot came from." Louis whispered when his shallow breaths calmed down and returned to normal, at least partially. A wide smile welcomed his flushed face, his eyes squinting from the expression. "The lady must have a working gaydar, well, at least fifty percent accurate I guess." He added, and Harry smiled at his friend's not so subtle attempt to romantically distance himself from his flatmate.

"Fuck her." The taller one scoffed, the unusual, angry tone in his voice. He rarely lost his temper, but he was not going to stand for some bitch using homophobic slurs on anybody, especially on this boy that somehow seemed even more innocent and brittle after they shared their first kiss.

“Don’t worry, I’m a tough chap.” Louis snarked and slid away from Harry. “You’ve got a class to get to.” He put his coat on, followed by his backpack.

“No, please.” The taller one pleaded. His eyes lost the last reminder of brightness sparked by Louis’ presence.

“This is what you get when you lie to me.” The boy shrugged and took the plastic bag laying on the table. “Come on, you’re going to be late.”

“When will I see you again?” Brunette asked, complying to his friend’s orders. He closed the window, turned the light off and pushed the door open to check if there was anybody in the corridor.

“Why so sneaky?” Louis touched the man’s elbow, following Harry onto the hallway.

"Well... technically, you shouldn't be here."

“I really have a bad influence on you, huh?” They laughed and headed back when Harry locked the door. “You don’t have to escort me to the door.” Louis said, worried that his friend is going to be late. He was rushing behind Harry, his hand still on guy’s elbow.

“I have to give the key back either way. Not gonna lie though, your company is a nice bonus.” Tomlinson’s face flushed red, he immediately let go of Harry’s sweater, becoming even more embarrassed when a stranger gazed at him weirdly. Okay, maybe he was in his head a bit…

"You haven't answered my question." Harry said when they were saying their final goodbyes under the same notice board, Louis was standing earlier.

“You will see me soon.” The boy promised. “Do you have my phone number?” He asked.

“I don’t think I do… wait.” Harry’s hand found his way into his pocket, he grabbed the small, plastic device and handed it to his friend, who looked at it in amusement.

"I don't even know why I am surprised right now. Of course, your phone is ancient, you don't own a TV for God's sake!" He still laughed, his fingers trying to unlock the mobile following the instructions on the screen.

Harry's lips curved, watching Lou's clumsy attempts to gain access to his cellphone.

“Need help?” He asked with mocking tone in his voice.

"No, I've got it." His friend answered in a sharp voice. "I just haven't used one of those in ages, nobody has." Blue eyes rolled and finally, on the fifth attempt, he succeeded. Apart from the process of unlocking the phone, he navigated through it relatively quickly. "Here." He handed the mobile back to Harry, who blocked it and slid it back into a big pocket of his blue jeans.

“Thank you for coming here. Do I have to say that it was extremely nice to see you?” Brunette mocked himself, his right hand found its way to Louis’ forearm and gripped it for a bit. But then, Harry saw an uncomfortable look on boy’s face, his blue eyes making sure that nobody’s looking at them, which resulted in him hanging his arm back on his side. “Sorry.” The apology met with a deep sigh escaping Louis’ lips.

“No, I’m sorry.” He brought a smile back on his face. But it was bitter, a caricature of the one Harry has seen barely a few minutes prior. “I’m just dumb like that.” He squeezed his lips in a thin line.

“See you soon?” Styles asked, glancing at his wristwatch.

"Soon." Louis answered, and this time his smile was brighter.

Harry turned around and started running to the class that was about to start in less than a minute. Louis observed him, wide smile not coming off his lips.

But then, his friend disappeared behind the corner, and it was officially the time to get back to reality. Tomlinson left the building, getting a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it in a matter of seconds as if he could die from the deprivation of nicotine. He inhaled the smoke slowly, his mind going through the events of the evening.

He didn't expect Harry to kiss him, what a nice surprise it was though. That must've meant that his silly crush was at least somewhat reciprocated. But was it a good time to fool around? Romance would just distract him from everything he had on his mind at the time, and he had a lot. A lot more than he could handle.

Louis pushed another cloud of smoke out of his lungs, zipped his jacket when goosebumps surfaced on his arms and walked through the campus’ gate leaving all his feelings behind, at least he thought so…

-

Harry opened the class door and bolted to his chair, sliding into it as quietly as he managed. The class has started already, an unusual occurrence for the professor not to be late… Eh, that’s just his luck, the only time he was late, the lecturer was not.

The lecture dragged even more than the previous one did. Even if he had nothing to look forward anymore, at least not that day, it was still a philosophy lecture. The one he dreaded the most.

He was scribbling in his sketchbook, lines forming an image of two petite palms trapped in bigger ones, the fingers wrapped around the wrists. He was an adult. He shouldn’t be acting like that. How far he was from practising a signature consisting of his name and Louis’ surname? He wasn’t sure.

But there was something about that boy, something peculiar. Harry always felt like he was older than he actually was but with Louis… this guy’s youthful aura somehow engulfed him when they were together. He was amazed at how the boy managed to stay so positive given the stuff the life has put him through, so innocent, so giggly.

Harry’s sketch was not finished yet when the lecturer let them go. It seemed like getting stuck in his thoughts was a good way to push through annoying lecture because the student barely felt like any time passed. He gathered his belongings and left the room. He wasn’t in a hurry, there was still twenty minutes before his bus arrives so he dragged his feet across the hallway.

Brunette pushed the main entrance open, still struggling to put his right arm through the sleeve of his coat, the loose sleeve of his sweater bunching annoyingly, making the task even more dreadful. He took a few steps, looked around to observe the weather around him and nearly choked when he saw what he saw...

Louis, sitting on one of the benches placed along the sides of the walkway. His legs crossed on the seat, the hood of his jacket blocking his vision, the cigarette smoke surrounding him every time he exhaled. He looked small, deep in thought, eyes plastered to the path.

“What are you still doing here?” Harry asked as he sat beside the boy. “It’s freezing, are you out of your mind?” He scolded the boy for the second time that day, the boy who slid the hood of his hair, leaving it all messy.

“I’ve said you’d see me soon.” He shrugged and dropped his feet on the paved path.

“You should’ve waited inside. You will get sick.” The deep groove appeared in between Harry’s eyebrows yet again. 

“I won’t. I don’t get sick.” The boy chucked the finished cigarette in the bin and stood up. “So? What are we doing?”

“You haven’t given me a lot of time to think about it.” Brunette smiled and joined his friend. They were both walking to the gate. “How do you feel about mulled wine?”

“Sounds good.” And in the same exact moment, as the words left Tomlinson’s lips, Harry’s phone started buzzing in his pocket. In fast motion, he retrieved it, looked at his companion apologetically and answered the call.

“ _What are you up to bro?_ ” He heard as soon as he answered, Zayn’s warm voice bringing him back to the reality. “ _You’re done for today, right?_ ” Another question.

“ _I’m off school, yeah but…_ " Brunette thanked God for his usual slow pace when it came to talking. It gave him more time to think of an excuse. " _I have this assignment for a history class that’s due…_ ”

“ _Okay! I don’t want to hear more._ ” His friend sighed into the cellphone. “ _Maybe tomorrow? Are you going to Winnie’s birthday?_ ”

“ _I don’t know about that…_ ” Harry started searching his archive of usual excuses. 

“ _You can’t skip everything. I’m running out of excuses for your antisocial ass._ ” Malik complained.

“ _Okay, I’ll go._ ” He was so not looking forward to the party. “ _Please remind me where is it?_ ”

“ _I’ll come to get you around eight, be ready. And don’t you even think about cancelling last minute!_ ” The man smiled at the warning, Zayn knew him way to well to get fooled by the act.

“ _I'm going on the bus, sorry, bye!_ " Harry hung up, put the phone back on its place and looked at Louis, who was looking at him mockingly.

“What?” Brunette asked when nothing came out of his companion’s mouth for half a minute.

“You are a compulsive liar, aren’t you?” The boy joked, Styles’ face grimacing a bit.

“I didn’t want him to know that I’m with you.” He explained and boy’s face fell immediately. “No, not like that!” He quickly corrected himself. “I didn’t know if you wanted him to know.”

"Why wouldn't I?" Tomlinson asked, pushing his cold palms into the pockets of his jacket.

"I don't know… You seemed weird when I… when I touched you in the hall." The shorter one said nothing. They approached the right bus stop, and the boy leaned over the glass wall of the construction.

“It’s just that… I can’t talk about this right now.” He glanced at people surrounding them.

"It's okay. Whenever you're ready." Harry reassured him, and they hopped on the bus to Albert Square. There were no seats available, as always. That gave them an excuse to stand pressed against each other without it looking weird. Styles scolded his creepy ass in his thoughts when he caught himself smelling Louis' hair. It smelled like… the city.

“Can I see your ID?” A middle-aged lady asked Louis when he was getting mulled wine for both of them. “I’m sorry, it’s just that the restrictions have gotten unbearable at this point and I can’t risk the fine.” The woman filled two cups with a beverage and put them on the counter.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing.” Tomlinson smiled, pulled his wallet out of the pocket and took out his driver’s license alongside the money he was going to pay with. It was a fifty quid bill. Harry was pretty sure that it was the same one he gave to him, a distinctive blue speckle under the queen’s nose.

"Thank you." The woman said, giving Lou his ID back with the change. He was handed two maroon, paper cups and gave one of them to Harry.

It was dark already, even though it wasn't late at all. Perhaps around five-thirty when they perched on a windowsill of one of the buildings surrounding the square, observing people passing right in front of their eyes. Secluded enough to have a conversation without a risk of being eavesdropped on. The square dripping with festive, lights galore covering every piece of railing available, wintery figurines scattered around the square to bring the Christmas spirit to the people; ill-fitting snowmen stood on the bare cobble since Manchester was yet to see the first snow sprinkle the streets.

Stands upon stands with people ready to sell you a Christmasy delicacy or a trinket that would break as soon as you left with it. People spending hundreds of pounds to feel festive for once; escape their stress and worries, the grey of the city they lived in. A round carousel lighting up the very corner of the square, ringing laughter of children audible even over the cheerful music everybody heard at least once in their life. And in the centre of everything, a heavily embellished tree, branches bending under the weight of mismatched ornaments, a big, glowing star on the top. 

“I love Christmas.” Louis said when he took the sip of the wine. “Do you?” He asked a man who was staring at the arrangement in the shape of a reindeer, the lights dimmer than other pieces, ready to retire after when the season ends.

"I appreciate every excuse to meet my family." He smirked ever so slightly, thinking that he'd much rather be looking at his companion, but somehow, he could not bring himself to do that, captivated by the depressing aura of the dying reindeer. 

"Ah yes, you're a family man as well." Louis laughed, but the laughter faded into nothing unnaturally quick. "You know…" He started. "It's just that I still am new to this thing like… I'm not even out yet." He admitted. Weighing every word, he was going to let our into the air, he proceeded after a few, long seconds. "There are maybe two people that actually know, and now there's you. Hell, I don't even know fully. It's just overwhelming, and I need time to…" He stopped, his eyes plastered to the cobbled walkway darkened by the reminder of drizzle, hovering in the air, threatening to fall again.

“You don’t need to rush anything. You’re still so young, Louis.” They weren’t looking at each other. Both sets of eyes focused on a fair going on in the distance, colourful lights dancing in the darkness. “I can’t imagine how hard it has to be, to… question everything you’ve ever been taught about yourself.” Harry dropped his left hand and found Louis’ palm, resting in the space between them. Then, he intertwined their pinky fingers, a gesture so insignificant, yet so intimate, sending warm shivers down Louis' spine. 

He never felt so supported. Yes, his mom and sister knew, but they didn't know how it was like. They loved him unconditionally, but they could never understand him like Harry could.

“How was it for you? Coming out?” The boy asked, curling his fingers to discretely rub on his friend’s chilly hand.

"I never had a coming out." He admitted. "My mom and sister… I think they knew before I did. There was never denying that I was… special." He smiled at the memory he brought back. "My mom used to always pressure my sister into giving her a grandchild. I think she was joking. She couldn't have been serious when she started including me, her sixteen-year-old son in her rants. I think she thought I was bi… Then she suddenly stopped mentioning me in those, and that was it." The man shrugged and gained the confidence to finally look at Louis. Their fingers still intertwined on the seat between then, covered from the public eye by the darkness.

“Your mom sounds like a nice woman.” Tomlinson smiled and looked back into his friend’s eyes, sparkling at the thought of two most important women in his life.

"She really is great. She supported me in every decision I have ever made. Maybe she was not thrilled with me studying art, but she never tried to make me change my mind." The man tilted his cup all the way up, and the last of his lukewarm drink flooded his mouth. He swallowed the beverage and sighed at his own stupidity. He was not seriously imagining introducing Louis to his mother, was he?

“My mom is like that too.” Louis nearly whispered. “Although she always calls me out on my bullshit.” Unintentional smile bent Styles’ lips. “Let’s just say she was not happy with me failing my A-levels. She turned into a literal devil when I told her. It took Dan, my stepfather to even get her to talk to me.” Lou also finished his drink and Harry grabbed his cup. He pressed one vessel into another and stood up, his friend following him right after.

“She sounds like a scrappy lady.” Brunette smiled and watched his friend’s face brighten at his comment.

“Yeah, that’s me, mum.” Tomlinson took the lead and went to the claw machine he spotted while sipping his wine. Harry’s warmth fading from his skin.

“You know these are fixed?” Harry looked at the boy with endearment as he was pushing coins into the slot. The age difference between them never more apparent. Okay, maybe it was not about the age. He still had friends who went ham in the arcade. Lou did not respond, focusing on getting one of the toys at the top of the plushie mountain.

“Fuck.” He cursed when the claw came up empty. Harry looked at the pile, assessed the situation and grabbed a coin from the pocket of his jeans. The target seemed pretty easy, a yellow plushie pretty much begging him to get it.

The man slid a coin into the slot and quickly set the claw in the position he was happy with. Louis observed as the claw grabbed the stuffed… thing and dropped it into the dispenser.

“Fixed, you say?” The boy asked as the brunette grabbed the plushie from the machine.

"For the most part, yes." He handed the toy to his friend, who looked at him, unsure. 

“It’s yours. You’ve earned it.” Lou protested and extended the hand holding the plushie in Harry’s direction.

“You’re saying it as if I know what the fuck this thing is.” He laughed. “It’s yours, I want you to have it.”

"Fine." Tomlinson grabbed the toy by its arm, and they walked away from the machine, a cold mist started settling on their blushed faces. "It's raining." He noticed and Harry hummed in response.

"Let's just go, there are too many people in here anyway." Styles said, and they set the course to the bus stop. "What's his name?" Brunette asked, pointing at the yellow thing hanging between them, bumping into their legs now and then.

"Jake." Louis responded, his friend looking at him weirdly.

“Jake? That’s the dumbest name for a stuffed animal.” He snorted when they were approaching Tomlinson’s bus stop.

“No, it’s its actual name.” The boy explained, eyes rolling when he swung the toy between them, hitting Harry’s left thigh with it. “It’s a cartoon character.”

“Okay, fair enough. At least it’s not you who’s to blame for the ridiculous name, I was disappointed, I knew you were better than this.” He chuckled while buying a ticket for his friend in the machine standing by the stop.

“So… I guess it’s time to say goodbye?” Louis sighed, gripping the plushie tighter in an attempt to hide at least some of his reluctancy to the idea.

"No way, I'm dropping you off… but by bus." He smiled, and the companion could do nothing but reciprocate the expression.

“You really don’t have to I can…”

"But I want to." He cut the conversation, and they got on the bus that rolled into the stop. It was past rush hour, so they sat in two vacant seats in the back end of the vehicle, making sure to validate Louis' ticket first.

Smaller man made sure to press his body into Harry’s as hard at it was physically possible, his friend pretending that he’s not aware of what the man is doing. It felt like they’ve spent so much more time together than they actually did. The entire span of their meeting a little short of four hours that felt like four minutes and four days at the same time. 

“This is the best thing I’ve ever gained by showing my ass.” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear, stroking the head of his plushie, trying to pose as if he was talking about the toy. They both knew he wasn’t. His warm breath caressed Styles’ earlobe, a tingling sensation flooding brunette’s entire body.

"Was there a lot of these things?" The student asked, amused. He felt the heat radiating from Tomlinson's body even through both of their outerwear.

"A couple of drinks… A ride home maybe." He shrugged, and Harry couldn't help but wonder where the sudden confidence came from. "In first grade, some girls gave me a Snickers to show them me bum." He laughed maybe a little too loud, considering that they were far from alone, yet Styles couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge that this sound might have been disrupting.

“What was the reasoning?” Harry’s body shook as he joined his mate in laughter, much more considerate of other passengers though, less snorting… no snorting.

"I think they've heard that girls and boys were different under the pants, you know." Louis' snorts ceased, and Harry started missing them the second they went away. "I mean, they weren't wrong just… they picked the wrong side I guess." He shrugged, still smiling at his friend, both sets of their eyes beaming at each other.

"Let's just hope the education system hasn't disappointed them because if it did… Oh boy, they were in for a surprise." Harry joked, and they slid off the chairs when Louis finally took his eyes off his companion, seeing that they were approaching the right stop. 

When they left the bus, Harry was disappointed to see that it was just outside of Louis' building, unfortunate, to say the least. He kind of hoped he'd have a chance to stick around a bit longer, have a little walk where he could soak in this bubbly side of Louis he encountered for the first time.

“Are you going to find your way to the apartment from here?” The taller one asked, Louis’ back pressed to the brick wall, a cigarette squeezed between the fingers of his hand. “I will die if you make me climb those stairs.” A warning caused the boy to smile even though he would gladly make his companion take the stairs if it meant they would stay together for however much time it’d take his friend to climb upstairs.

“Well, you will have to do that eventually.” They joined in a chuckle, Harry carving into his brain the unspoken invitation to his friend’s apartment.

“Time to sign up for the gym membership!” Louis put his cigarette out and threw it on the ground, his eyes plastered to the green that was near invisible in the dark. Styles looked around to make sure they were alone, they were, as far as he could tell. Nobody would ever see them from any of the windows either way.

He brought himself closer to Louis, put his straightened right hand on the side of boy’s head, pressing it to the grimy surface of the wet brick, sand prickling his delicate hand when he leaned down. Impatient Tomlinson rising onto his tippy toes, unable to stand the anticipation and linking them in a kiss after hours of looking forward to the next meeting of their lips.

The cold from their bodies evaporated as soon as their lips started rubbing against each other, Harry taking the lead much to Louis' relief. This time it was the shorter one's fingers that gripped onto, the older one's face. The tips of them sliding down the stubbly cheek, until he pinched the chin and pulled him even deeper, unpleasant taste of cigarette smoke invading Harry's mouth when he licked into the unknown territory.

But then they both heard footsteps just around the corner and Styles, perhaps more aware of the surroundings than his companion, pulled away immediately, distancing himself from Louis who was left gasping for air, his lips longing for Harry’s.

"Goodnight, Louis." Brunette said as one of Tomlinson's neighbours almost caught them in the act. Thankfully, Harry's consciousness saved the day, and to the stranger's eyes, they might as well be concluding some very weird business discussion, not recovering from the kiss they both could still feel on their lips.

“See you soon.” The boy answered, with one, short sentence embedding this tiny, yet prominent tingle of anticipation deep into Harry’s chest, before he slid into the hallway of his building, following the man that interrupted their farewell.

Harry stood there for a bit more than it was necessary, collecting his thoughts and only when another person saw him creeping around the building’s entrance, he decided to head home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, uploaded again since I'm an impatient bitch.  
> Hope you're enjoying the story so far, thank you for taking you time to read the things I write.  
> The support is very much appreciated, stay tuned for more.  
> As always, any questions or updates on my twitter @gerardisonfire


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploading yet again because I have no life and I feel like doing so.  
> Not doing any summary because spoliers, duh.  
> As always, thank you for being here, enjoy ;)

“Why are you so bummed out?” Zayn asked as Harry finished his second beer. They were sitting on a couch, pressed to each other since there were fewer seats available then people present. Loud music blaring from the speakers, making it seem like the walls were trembling, fancy china clinking ever so slightly from the vibrations, enhanced by the stomping of strangers attending the party.

“I don’t know what you’re on about, I’m fine.” Styles’ phone vibrated in his pocket, a hand bolted to retrieve it only to find a text from his sister, definitely not a person he was excited to get a message from. He quickly typed out the response and slid the cell back where it belonged.

“Yeah, and that’s why you almost got a heart attack like three times because your phone buzzed.” Zayn scoffed and nudged Harry with his elbow, still not taking his eyes off his friend who was playing with his fingers, the empty bottle squeezed between his lower thighs. “I see that you’re hiding something, I know you.” Friend’s tattooed palm squeezed Styles’ knee to encourage him to share whatever was occupying his mind.

“I’ve met someone.” The taller one admitted after a while. It was refreshing to tell somebody; he was so tired from keeping it all to himself when all he wanted to do was talk about it, about Louis.

"What's their name? Do you like them?" The cinnamon-skinned man asked, jumping in his seat from excitement multiplied by drinks he was consuming faster than his friend. It was a new situation for them, he has never seen Harry having a crush on anybody, not even mentioning actually falling in love. It was usually the opposite situation, Zayn gushing over his new crushes while his friend listened patiently.

“Yes, I like him. Of course, I do. That was a stupid question.” He rolled his eyes, threw his head back, eyes stuck to the ceiling while he thought whether telling his friend was a good idea after all, especially that he was quite tipsy already. He should’ve waited till they’re sober, but now, the ship had sailed.

“Where did you meet him? Did you fuck?” Harry’s chest rose as he sighed, annoyed with Zayn’s intrusive questions. Yeah, that was a viable option, considering that some relations are based on sexual favour but that was not Harry, and Malik should’ve known that better than anybody else. The regret of actually admitting he’s seeing somebody doubled. Or maybe the ‘seeing somebody’ part was a big overstatement.

"We met on Facebook. We didn't have sex for fuck's sake." He exclaimed, still not loud enough to bring people's attention to himself. His right fist clenched with anger he was shocked to have deep in himself. "I've seen him only three times. I kissed him yesterday."

“So, now you’re lying to me?” Harry didn’t get the bitter tone in his friend’s tone for a bit until he did. A situation seemed comically similar to the one he found himself just a day prior. There were no hands taking hits on his chest, though; no kisses shared by the sides of this, particular conflict and no pulling desire for that pair of lips to meet. “Do you think I would be mad if you’ve told me you’re with someone and couldn’t meet me? We’re not exclusive, I have other friends too.” He laughed. “I’m happy for you man, I hope this works out for you.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Harry got up from the couch, leaning over the coffee table in need of another beer.

"It's that ass man, isn't it?" Zayn connected the dots and Styles just smiled, not responding to his question, but the silence was loud enough for Malik to know he was right.

"Could you not tell anybody, though?" Harry asked when he joined his friend back on the couch, his voice barely a whisper when loud cheering broke out in the kitchen where people were playing with a makeshift beer bong, which somebody probably made in a garage. Thankfully, the atmosphere in the living room was way more relaxed; the side-party consisting of people who just wanted to chill out, get a little tipsy and talk, there was not much talking in other parts of the house they were in.

"Don't worry about me, I can keep a secret." They both smiled, knowing that it was true. It's not that Harry had a lot of friends who might be interested in his love life either way.

"Oh, I was about to ask you something." Zayn looked at his friend, confused. Harry's hand squeezed the beer bottle tighter. "I was looking at the stuff in the storage room yesterday, and I was wondering if you had any plans for that graffiti with the weird monster thing and the geometric pattern… the one you've done in march I think?" The man asked, tapping his fingertips on the neck of his dew-covered bottle.

“It’s yours if you want it.” Malik shrugged and took another sip from his cup, pulling his unbothered act yet again even though he had to be just a little surprised with the question, they’ve never shared their art between each other. Well, Harry painted a piece for Zayn’s sister’s birthday once but Styles, himself never really expressed interest in possessing any of Malik’s art.

“How much do you want? I can’t just take it.” The taller one asked, receiving a dirty look in response.

“It’s yours.” The tattooed man cut the conversation and turned away from Styles to keep him from resisting, joining a conversation between two people sitting to his left.

-

Twenty-first of December snook up on Harry, meaning that it was the time for long-anticipated Christmas break.

The man was sitting on his couch, unsure of what he was supposed to do. He never had enough time for anything when he had school to worry about, but now that he had all the time in the world, he couldn’t think of anything to occupy himself with.

He hasn’t seen Louis in four days already. Contrary to what he was saying before, the boy did, in fact, get sick. They have texted back and forth, each of the sessions a true highlight in Harry’s day, next one anticipated from the second the one prior ended.

But it wasn’t enough, Harry craved the contact, the smiles, the giggles… oh, the giggles. That’s why he decided to do what he did. He stood up, grabbed his wallet, put the coat on and left the apartment, leaving a record spinning on the player.

Six minutes later, he was browsing the shelves in a grocery store next to his building, putting an assortment of snacks and ingredients he needed for his mom's staple chicken soup. The one that never failed to make him feel better when he was sick.

And there he was, thirty minutes later sitting on the same windowsill he sat on before, the straps of his canvas bag intertwined with his lean fingers. Panting, yet again he tried to calm his breath down before he made a complete fool out of himself in front of Louis with the stamina that belonged to a retiree, not a young man who theoretically was in his physical prime.

When his face had a chance to come back to its normal colour, he got up and approached the door he was familiar with. Few deep breaths and he knocked, perhaps a bit too hard considering that his knuckles hurt by the third time he did. Not long after, the door opened, and Harry's face welcomed the biggest smile, quickly reciprocated by the man across him who stood there looking at him surprised.

“This is a contamination zone.” Louis warned, the remainder of a smile still on his face, but then stepped aside and let his friend in. The warning not doing good enough job of discouraging Harry, he walked into the apartment, quite a bit bigger than he imagined it to be.

"No virus is going to keep me out, you've fucked up letting me into your life. You won't get rid of me now." Harry laughed, fingers travelling to the boy's hung arm when he saw that they were alone, a pleasant tingle snapping under his fingertips when their skin connected. "Please tell me that you have a stockpot." Louis looked at him, confused and searched his brain for an answer.

“Stalker.” Tomlinson scoffed and took Harry’s coat, hanging it on the back of one of the barstools pushed under a small kitchen island. “We have one, the pot. It was here when we moved in.”

“Perfect, I’m going to need that.” He said and started unpacking the bag, washing the meat and vegetables thoroughly in the next step, putting everything in the vessel Louis set up for him. “Cover everything with water, please.” The boy obeyed and set the filled stockpot on the biggest burner. Harry put the usual blend of spices, consisting mostly of bay leaves and allspice and lit the fire underneath the pot.

"You are crazy." Louis laughed, looking at Harry, who was cleaning up the mess he made. The boy's legs dangling from the kitchen counter he was sitting on.

"Never said I wasn't." Harry shrugged and approached his friend, fitting his hips between boy's thighs, the feeling of them tightening around him, making his mind go hazy. He smiled, loving seeing Louis like that, in his pyjamas, his hair messy, eyes sleepy and couldn't help himself but touch his rosy cheek. "You have a fever. What did your doctor say?" He asked, sliding the top of his flattened palm across Tomlinson's heated skin.

"I didn't go to the doctor, I'll be fine." He answered and touched Harry's hand that was still resting on his face. Not thinking too much, the standing one leaned towards Louis and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I will rest here over Christmas, and I will be okay." He finished when Styles straightened his posture, the green of his eyes vibrant as ever, golden speckles glittering in the light cast by a lightbulb.

“Wait, you’re not going home for Christmas?” A question made the boy squirm in his seat, his expression darkening, eyes focused on the floor. It was enough for Harry to know the answer. Suddenly, he felt so sad for the boy. He couldn’t imagine spending the holidays away from home, not to mention alone.

"I can't go there like that. I can't risk my mom getting sick." Styles' eyes dimmed at the thought of his friend sitting alone in an empty apartment. Not on Christmas… He loved Christmas. Even worse, it was his birthday. Louis didn't know Harry knew, but he did, he saw it on boy's driver's license when he got ID'd few days prior. "Don't worry, it's not that big of a deal. I'll get pizza and watch some TV, I'll be okay." The smaller one tried to convince the brunette, but how could he do that if he wasn't even convinced himself?

“I’m sorry you’re sick because of me.” Harry pushed a deep sigh out of his lung after a few seconds of silence and distanced himself from Louis to tend to the soup. He was skimming the scum that came up to the surface, the thought of Louis alone on Christmas still occupying his mind.

“I don’t regret getting sick.” Louis said as he stood next to Harry, observing how Styles manoeuvred the spoon he was holding in his right hand. “That was the best day I’ve had in a while.” He pressed himself to his friend’s left side and observed the cook’s focused face.

"You could've waited for me inside, though. This wouldn't change anything about the course of that day." Harry wrapped his left arm around Louis' waist and held him like that still clearing up the soup.

"Yeah, you're right. That's on me." Louis laughed, and Harry finally put the spoon down. "Niall is not going to be home till tomorrow, you want to play Mario Kart?" The boy asked and was met with his friend's confused face. "It's a racing game, a Mario one. You know what Mario is, do you?" Harry nodded and followed Louis to the couch.

“I only know how to play FIFA… well, I kind of do.” He confessed, Louis gave him a controller and sat right next to him, leaning against his body. “Zayn makes me play with him sometimes.”

"I like this Zayn guy already." Louis laughed and showed Harry a quick tutorial of the game, quickly explaining the controls. "You'll get the hang of it quickly, you're a smart cookie."

And there they were, four hours later still sitting on that couch playing a game that much to Harry's surprise, turned out to be quite entertaining. He wasn't an avid football fan, so he was indifferent about FIFA, but cartoon characters racing in goofy cars was something he could get behind.

"Wait, I need to check on the soup." Harry stood up, and Louis was left alone on the couch, a box of cheese crackers in his hand. He licked his fingers off the bright orange, artificial seasoning and got up as well, disappearing behind one of the doors only to return right after with a fluffy, yellow blanket swallowing his petite silhouette.

"Where you keep bowls?" The cook asked, looking at his friend who reminded him of the big bird from the muppets. Louis came back to the kitchen and stood right beside his friend, soft bristles of the blanket caressing Styles' arm.

“Here, let me get them.” Tomlinson opened a cabinet hanging on the wall and struggled to get the bowls that were on the top shelf, out of his reach even standing on his toes.

“Why would you have them there? Neither you nor your mate would be able to reach them.” Harry laughed and retrieved the dishes without problems.

“We barely eat in here.” Louis scoffed. “And if we do, we just use the takeout containers not to make a mess.” The boy explained as Harry was filling the bowls with steaming, golden soup.

“Not much of a vegetable guy, huh?” The taller one asked when they were sitting on the barstools, eating soup; Louis doing everything in his power to avoid eating a piece of celery, his face grimacing when one flew under his radar.

“I like some. Not celery though.” His feet were kicking under the counter as he sipped the soup, pleasant warmth spreading throughout his body. “Especially when they’re deep-fried.” He smirked at his friend.

"Fries are not vegetables." Brunette kicked him in the shin, he finished his soup first, which gave him time to clean up. The pot of hot soup the only thing that was left on the counter.

“They are potatoes.” The younger one insisted. “Potatoes are vegetables.”

“Is the soup good?” Styles asked, knowing damn well that this argument was headed nowhere. He sat back on the barstool sideways, observing his friend finishing his first bowl.

“It really is.” He admitted. “Could I possibly get a refill?” The question only met with a bright smile on the cook’s face.

"Of course, you can." He exclaimed. "There's plenty left, I think you will get sick of it before you eat it all though." Harry poured his companion another bowl and set it in front of the boy. "I will take a portion out for breakfast tomorrow, but then you could freeze it if you won't be able to get through it." Tomlinson noted the tip and got right back to eating, appreciating silently how Harry took his time to avoid putting celery into this second serving.

"There are jars in this cabinet." Louis pointed to a cabinet on the right of the one with bowls and the rest of the dinnerware. "For your soup." He explained as if it was necessary. Harry took out a big jar with a corresponding lid and filled it with golden liquid, grabbing the glass through a towel not to burn himself. When the jar was full, he closed it and set on the counter. "It just seems like so much hassle, though. The whole cooking thing. Don't get me wrong, the takeout one wouldn't be even remotely as good as this is but I would pay like three quid and it wouldn't take me five hours to make it."

“You would get it when you were on the opposite end. It’s very rewarding to spend time preparing something and seeing people enjoy it so much.” Harry explained and went back to his seat.

“Maybe, I wouldn’t know about that.” He laughed. “I once tried to make pancakes. It was not that long ago, to be honest when I first moved in here. Let’s just say it didn’t go as well as I’ve anticipated.”

“It takes a special kind of talent to fail at making pancakes, especially with a recipe.” Louis finished his second bowl, hopped off the stool and put the vessel into the sink. “Now I know what to teach you first. Brace yourself for some pancakes!”

“Yeah, good luck with that.” Tomlinson scoffed and took a few sips of water directly from the tap. “I’ll be right back.” Once again, he disappeared behind another door. Deducting from the tiled floor Harry got a glimpse of, he went to the bathroom.

Styles went to the sink and cleaned up after his friend, a wet bowl placed on the drying rack. Then he picked up the blanket that Louis has left on the floor and brought it to the couch where he sat waiting for him.

Three minutes later, yes, he was staring at the clock hanging above the TV, Louis came out of the bathroom, his hands still wet after he washed them.

“You want one?” The boy asked, showing Harry one of mini Snickers’ from the care package he was given.

"I'll pass, but thank you." The brunette stared at his friend, who was still standing in the kitchen, unpacking the candy and eating it all at once. Louis was staring at him too, his eyes squinting as if he wasn't seeing him correctly. "You better get back here." Harry exclaimed, and Tomlinson complied, not forgetting to grab a bag of Haribo Gummy Bears.

The boy wrapped the blanket around them both and ripped the bag open searching for the right colour of a bear before he put two red ones into his mouth.

"How are you still cold? You're burning up." Harry's fingers wrapped around his friends' arm to make sure he wasn't too hot. Louis squirmed in his seat and slid away, creating an empty space between them. "No, that's not what I've meant." Styles brought the boy back, closing the distance between them. "I'm just worried."

“I’m okay.” He was reassured for like a sixth time that evening. “What’s your flavour?”

"My flavour?" Harry asked, looking at Louis in confusion. But then he shook the bag, and everything cleared up. "The clear ones are the best. Green close second." He admitted. The blue-eyed boy reached his fingers into the bag and retrieved one of the clear gummies, bringing it closer to Harry's mouth, his friend grabbing it between his teeth and chewing for a bit until he swallowed only to get a green one right after.

“Glad you haven’t said red. This whole thing would be over.” Louis joked, his nose scrunching adorably when he smiled, eyes pinched by his cheeks.

“You’re particular about your candy, are you?” He was asked and nodded in agreement. Harry couldn’t choose but to smile, his arm wrapped around Louis’ body, lips pressed to his right ear, placing small kisses right below it.

"Why hasn't anybody told me that being sick could be this pleasant." The boy hummed pressing his body even closer, few inches, and he would be sitting in Harry's lap. "I hope I get sick more often now that I have you to cook me soup and keep me company."

“I hope you won’t.” Brunette answered. “I can cook for you and spend time with you all you want, there’s no need for you to have a fever.” Louis twisted himself to face his friend, both sets of eyes bright and glittering.

“I really like this… all of this.” He admitted and intertwined his fingers with Harry’s when he finally found them, not taking eyes off his face.

"Yeah, it's not half bad for me either." Louis scoffed at his friend's response, and his hand was squeezed tighter. "Who would've thought I would be thankful to Mark Zuckerberg for something in my life." He showcased his straight teeth in a bright smile, dimples forming in his cheeks.

Louis' other hand travelled to man's face, and he poked one of the indentations with his index finger, a gesture widening Harry's smile even further, deepening the dimples.

“Are we doing this too fast?” Louis asked, squinting his eyes to observe his friend’s reaction. “I’m not too good in the whole… dating thing it’s just… I want to know what you think.” He explained, dragging his fingers over Harry’s clean-shaven face.

“Oh, so we are dating now?!” Styles smirked at his companion. “Is it fast? I don’t know.” He shrugged. “We can slow down if you feel like we’re rushing through this. But for me… when you know you know, you know?” He asked; Louis started laughing, his body shaking in the process, the last words came out sounding so weird he couldn’t help himself.

But he actually knew what Harry was talking about, even if he worded it poorly. For some reason, he felt so comfortable in that man's presence; like he could finally be himself, not stressing about the fact that he could be shunned by people in his life if they knew… Harry was so out of the ordinary, he never met somebody who fascinated him so much, he wanted to keep getting to know that guy, to allow him to get to know himself and that was something he has never experienced with anyone.

“I know.” He simply answered with a small smile, scared to voice the way he felt, scared to even think about it.

And then he kissed Harry. He stretched his neck and reached plump lips that split open with the touch of his own. Eyes closed, bodies pressing against each other, lips rubbing together, sharing the sweetness leftover from the gummy bears they've eaten. Harry smiled into the kiss. It was the first time he let Louis take the lead, and something about his gentle, clumsy pecks caused a wave of warmth to spread in his chest, right beneath the palm Louis has flattened on Harry's heart.

Tomlinson put a loose strand of Harry's hair back behind his ear and looked in his eyes when their kissing session came to an end. Maybe Louis had problems with speaking about his feelings, but his stare was everything Harry needed to know that the way he felt was reciprocated, at least partially. Looking in those eyes, Styles fell into the ocean of their deep blue shade, losing himself in it completely. He was such a fool for this guy, everything he did, making the student's heart race.

"I really like this." Louis repeated, emphasizing the second word to make sure Harry understands his devious way of voicing his feelings, feelings he could not deny anymore.

How does one fall so fast? Harry could not understand, he never caught feelings for somebody this quick. But he knew he was falling, falling so fast and so fucking hard for that boy… He was done for.

“You look tired.” The taller one voiced his observation, Louis’ eyes still lost in Harry’s. Darkening with sorrow at the thought of his guest leaving.

“I’m not.” He shook his head. His companion turned in his seat and then stood up. “No, don’t go.” Pleading voice escaped Louis’ mouth, perhaps a bit of desperation could’ve been heard in the plea.

“I’m not leaving, yet… just going to the bathroom.” Harry explained and found his way to the room Louis had visited a few minutes ago.

There he was, standing in front of the sink, staring into his eyes in the mirror. His face flushed red, lips swollen, eyes glittering in the artificial light of the lightbulb. Looking like a mess, but a happy mess indeed.

He emptied his bladder, washed his hands with some soap that was advertised for men only! As if the normal kind of soap didn’t work on real, manly, lumberjack men. He glanced on the shelf under the mirror and saw a pair of black-rimmed glasses next to the case for contact lenses and immediately connected the dots in his mind.

Harry grabbed the glasses by the bridge and left the bathroom, turning the light off after he closed the door. He approached Louis, who was still sitting on the couch, his body relaxed and spread, a smile welcoming his face as soon as he saw his friend.

“Can I ask you for a favour?” He asked as soon as he sat back down.

“Sure, what’s up?” His enthusiasm disappeared in a split second he saw the pair of glasses resting in Harry’s hand. “No!” He shouted. “No fucking way.” He refused and observed his friend completely ignoring his protests.

"You would really rather not see correctly instead of wearing your glasses in front of me?" Styles asked, amused by the boy's stubbornness.

“I can see you just fine.” He hissed; his arms crossed on his chest.

"Oh, stop being a baby, be still or I'm going to poke your eye out." Harry unfolded the frames and sat closer to Louis, who was still not happy with the whole thing, but he knew that fighting about the issue was pointless. The man would have to see him in his dumb glasses eventually, right?

Brunette leaned over to Louis’ face and slid the glasses carefully making sure to anchor them behind boy’s ears. He pushed the bridge up his nose, and in the attempt to make things better, he flicked the tip of Tomlinson’s nose with his index finger.

Louis was mad at himself for smiling, but there was nothing he could do, his brain just betrayed him like that. It did that quite a lot when Harry was around. 

"See? You look cute." Harry complimented him, but Louis knew he looked awful and his companion was just full of shit.

“These are Niall’s. I don’t have bad vision.” He deadpanned, taking glasses off his face and folding them.

"Yeah, right!" Harry called the bluff, and Louis laughed at his reaction, sliding the glasses back onto his face. "I like these. I really do." 

“What do you want to do now? Niall is not going to be home till seven.”

“Don’t you even think about staying up till seven. You need to rest. Where does that guy even work with those hours?”

“He’s a bartender.”

"Ah, makes sense. Either way, you should go to bed soon." Styles insisted, causing Louis to give him an irritated look, he did not appreciate Harry's tone. He was an adult, he was responsible for his own bedtime and did not need to be mothered like that.

“We can go to bed now, watch a movie.” Tomlinson shrugged with a smug smirk bending his lips, he watched Harry’s face when the man focused on some unidentified part of the décor, thinking whether he should agree or not.

“Fine, one movie then I’m gone.” Louis’ smiled even wider when the feeling of victory hit him, he got up, took the blanket in his left hand, grabbing Harry’s hand in the right one and leading him to his bedroom.

The room wasn’t big. Fitting only a twin bed, a wardrobe, a small desk and a couple of nightstands with a plant that may or may not be fake, standing by one of them. The colour of the walls and carpet continued from the living room, a big window taking up a sizable chunk of one of the walls. The walls were bare, no pictures, no posters. It looked generic, like somebody either just moved in or couldn’t be bothered with making something better of the space. Harry couldn’t say he was surprised by that, Louis seemed like the type who wouldn’t put too much effort in things like decorating and such.

Tomlinson clumsily fixed his unmade bed and hopped onto it, furniture screeching under his weight. He looked at Harry invitingly as he put his laptop in front of him.

“What are we watching?” He asked as Harry joined him on the bed.

“You choose, I haven’t watched much.” Styles admitted and smiled at the sight of a familiar plushie tucked between the pillows.

“You don’t even watch movies?” Louis asked, taken aback, borderline offended and proceeded to log onto his Netflix account.

"No... sorry?" The student laughed, looking at his friend, who was scrolling through selection. "I've seen That Stephen Hawking movie when it came out."

“That was years ago, Harry.” He sighed. “What movies do you like?”

"I don't have a preference. I think I will have a hard time keeping my eyes on the screen either way." Louis felt his face getting hot, even though the rest of his body was freezing. He knew Harry was right, he couldn't see himself focusing either, so he just found in his local files the 1967 version of Jungle Book, his favourite Disney movie.

“I love that one.” Styles admitted and laid down, spreading his legs on the bed.

"We can watch something else if you…" Louis looked at him, uncertainty clouding his expression.

“No, I haven’t seen that in ten years, at least!” The laptop ended up in front of Louis, forcing Harry to lay behind the boy on his side. The dim light from one of the night lamps making the room cosier.

Styles grabbed the fluffy blanket and spread it onto Louis, who still shivered from time to time. The boy made sure his friend was also covered as if he was just as cold. Harry didn't mind, it only gave him access to Louis' arm, which he was caressing with the top of his palm.

“Can I stay with you?” Harry asked in the middle of the movie, pulling Louis from one of the few brief naps he was falling into as they watched. “For Christmas.” He added to get rid of the ambiguity of his question.

"No." Louis denied sleepily, clinging even harder to his companion's arm that ended up wrapped around him. "You're going home to see your family. You haven't seen them in a while." The boy insisted nearly quoting Harry's own words when they talked about Styles' family. Louis was dragging his fingers back and forth on the surface of the delicate skin of his friend's forearm.

“I don’t want you to be alone.” The older one admitted. “We will have a good time… I’ll cook something nice.” Harry promised, humming into Louis’ ears quietly to seduce him into saying yes.

"No, Harry. I won't let you in if you choose to stay." Brunette smiled at the threat and sighed deeply. He felt that it was time to drop the subject in case it got unpleasant, Louis was not going to let him stay. He was stubborn, Harry already established that.

“Go with me then.” Louis heard a quarter of the hour later.

“Hm?” The boy asked, confused since he was deep in his thoughts.

“Go home with me… for Christmas.” Harry proposed, his fingers brushing through Louis’ soft, brown hair.

"Weren't we talking about rushing things just two hours ago?" He laughed, a shiver travelled down his spine as Harry's finger fondled with the tender spot behind his ear.

He continued tickling the thin skin, placing small kisses behind the boy’s ear. The way Lou squirmed under his touch, brought a smile to Harry's face. He bit his earlobe delicately, causing his partner to whimper.

“We don’t have to make anything more of this than it actually is.” He whispered into Louis’ ear. “In fact, we don’t even have to tell them anything. Just friends.” Harry insisted, gently sucking on the patch of irritated skin he was focusing on.

“I never had a friend who touched me like this.” Louis sighed longingly, trying to compose himself before Harry could notice what he was doing to him, the blanket only thing hiding his shame from those bright green eyes.

"Please." Styles basically moaned into Tomlinson's ear, causing him to exhale sharply. "My mom would love it if you joined us." Harry continued persuading his friend into agreeing. "I won't be able to think about anything else than you, being here… all alone. It will ruin my Christmas." The man decided to play dirty, guilting the boy a little bit.

"Fine!" Louis broke and took a deep breath as Styles distanced himself from his neck, only to hang himself above Louis' face and place a supple peck on his rosy cheek. "You are the worst." He sighed, and they came back to the séance, Harry's right hand again in the role of Louis' teddy bear.

Not more than half an hour later Louis was fast asleep, snoring ever so slightly, a string of saliva pooling on his pillow. He turned on his back and released Harry’s hand from the tight grip. Styles almost missing the squeeze he got so accustomed to; like it was an integral part of him; like it belonged there.

The brunette slid off the bed, making sure not to move too harshly so he wouldn’t wake Louis up. He tucked him in with the yellow blanket, closed the laptop and moved it to the nightstand, he didn’t know how much Lou tossed while sleeping, he didn’t want to risk him ruining his expensive device.

And then he stared, he looked for so much longer than he would like to admit, so much more it would be considered normal. The sight was so adorable he would've captured it on camera if only his phone was capable of doing so. It was probably for the better that it didn't, Harry would've entered a whole another league of creepy, snapping sleeping pictures of a boy he barely knew without his consent. 

It was around two in the morning when he left Louis’ bedroom, making sure to turn the light off and close the door behind himself. Harry still fumbled around the kitchen for a bit, transferring the soup into a smaller pot so it could fit in the fridge, washing the stockpot thoroughly, wiping it with a towel and putting back where Louis took it from.

Then, it was his cue to leave. He grabbed the jar he filled with soup earlier and found a bunch of keys hanging by the door. There were five keys hooked on a ring. One looked like a car key, the second was so small it could only be to the mailbox, next one too big to possibly fit the lock. It left only two possible candidates, which Harry checked by sliding them in and twisting his wrist.

The last one turned out to be the one he was looking for. Harry, with the use of his fingernails, took the key off the keychain and turned the lights in the apartment off. The last of Louis' soft snores gracing his ears, filling his veins with the fuzzy feeling, his mind trying to capture those small things for later. The time has come, and the man finally closed the door behind him, locking the apartment by turning the key twice. Then he dropped the key on the doormat and kicked it delicately, so it slid under the door.

And there was the end of the adventure. Harry and his jar of chicken soup left the building, his head still drunk on Louis’ presence. The events of the evening playing back in his memory as he sat at the stop, waiting for the nightline to take him home so he could go to sleep thinking about how much he wished he wasn’t in his own bed.

-

“I don’t know about this.” Louis twisted himself in the passenger’s seat of his car while Harry parked outside of a supermarket. They were already pretty much in Styles’ hometown, at least that’s what the GPS showed, so him complaining wouldn’t change anything, he was just stressed, his stomach tied into a knot.

“My parents are going to love you, Louis.” Brunette faced him, laying his hand on the boy’s knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Gemma’s cool too, I guess.” He joked and opened the door, sliding himself out of the vehicle followed by Louis.

“I should’ve stayed.” Louis broke the silence when his friend was getting a shopping cart. 

“We can still go back if you want.” Harry put his coat into the cart and pushed it.

"You're the worst." Blue eyes rolled to the ceiling, cold, bright light making the boy squint. "Give it to me." Harry complied, and it was Louis who pushed the cart, while the other one was filling it with stuff his mom asked them to get plus some additional things they fancied.

Louis felt better, his flu almost gone, but he still was not well enough to go home. While he read on the internet that he's not contagious anymore, he still was too scared to risk it. Deep down, he was very grateful for the invitation he got from his friend's family. He made Harry call his mom and ask if it was alright if Lou tagged along when he learned that brunette didn't think it was necessary to notify his family. But she said it was more than okay as if inviting strangers to Christmas celebrations was a normal thing that everybody did. But then… Harry was so nice, the welcoming nature of his family was not too big of a surprise.

This was the first Christmas Lou was spending away from home, still feeling a bit uneasy about the sudden change. He missed his family dearly, but at least he was not going to be alone. In the back of his mind, he kind of felt excited to meet the family of a guy he was hoping to keep in his life for longer.

They were heading to the checkout, Harry putting some spontaneous choices into their full cart, Louis riding on the metal construction, wheels rattling under his weight. Two guys laughing in the crowd of serious faces in the midst last-minute shopping chaos, so normal for them, so out of the ordinary for everybody else. 

“Here we are.” Brunette announced when he pulled up on the driveway, the engine going quiet instantly when the key was turned in the ignition.

“What were you saying about the going back thing?” Louis asked; he felt his blood pressure rising, brain malfunctioning in preparation to make him seem like a complete idiot in front of Harry’s mom and her husband.

At least it was only the parents he was worried about right now. It was only twenty third and the sister was going to get there a day later. He would be lying if he said that this fact made him stress any less.

"You'll see how silly you're acting when you meet them." Harry reached for Louis' hand, but the boy pressed it against his body before it got touched, scared that he could be seen by someone. "Mom won't be home till seven, Robin's working till ten." Harry added, not commenting on the bizarre reaction he noticed. "Come on." Styles got out of the car, but his friend didn't, and the brunette had to threaten to carry him into the building before he left the vehicle.

They grabbed the grocery bags, and Harry opened the house with his key, letting Louis go first when he kicked the door open.

“Home, sweet home.” Brunette exclaimed into an empty space. They took their shoes off and left them by the door, following the path to a tight, but cosy living room. Two couches set in an L-shape, facing the TV hanging above a wood-burning fireplace. Shelves full of books and figurines, a picture frame here and there, quite a few green plants breaking through the warm tone surrounding the place due to the yellow hue falling from the lightbulbs. It was cluttered, it was homey, just like Louis imagined it.

“Who’s that guy?!” Louis laughed, staring at the picture hanging on the wall, framed in wood.

"Shut it." Harry hissed at him, cursing his mom silently for not taking the embarrassing photograph down when he asked her to. "Come here." Tomlinson followed him to the kitchen, and they set the bags on the small table, the taller man immediately unpacking everything and putting stuff away without a stumble, like he never left.

"You have a nice home." Louis complimented while he was observing his friend doing his job. He took out a bunch of bananas they bought and hung it on a contraption that Mrs Styles, no… Mrs Twist had for that purpose. It took some time before he found his friend's mom on Facebook since she had her new husband's name, but with the help of his sister's page, he finally did. No doubt in his mind that he found the right person when he saw the smile on the profile picture. A smile so familiar even though he never met her.

Was he proud of himself for stalking Harry's family online before meeting them? No, of course, he wasn't, that was embarrassing, and he was going to keep that to himself. Especially not telling Harry since he claimed to be such an avid social media hater.

“I’m going to give you a proper tour in a minute.” Styles promised and finished unpacking the bags. He folded them neatly, put into one of the drawers and poured them a cup of water each. “Drink, you have to stay hydrated.” Louis rolled his eyes at the tone he was addressed in, so motherly and caring. So sweet and annoying at the same time.

But he complied, he slipped the ridge of the glass between his lips and downed the water looking at his friend with a triumphant smile.

"Happy?" He asked and licked the moisture off his lips, the brunette only smiling at him and nodding.

“I love that you’re here.” Harry admitted when the tour concluded in his bedroom, it went relatively quickly considering that they’ve skipped Gemma’s and his parent’s bedrooms. “I never actually expected you to agree.”

Harry sat on his bed, right beside Tomlinson who twisted in his direction in a split second, not taking bright eyes off him. The look he was given said more than any amount of words, look so loving, so adoring that his heart did a backflip.

“How could I refuse when you were doing those things to me? You’ve pretty much seduced me into saying yes.” Louis asked, swallowing loudly at the memory of that night, his body curled up against Harry’s.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Brunette said innocently, his hand resting on Lou’s waist and pulling him closer; shutting his ready to snap back lips with a kiss. The Ninja Turtles bedsheets Harry was sure his mom put up to embarrass him, shrivelled between their thighs. “You must’ve had a dream. I was a good boy.” He whispered between kisses.

“Always a good boy.” Louis pressed his curved lips back to Harry’s. “What a good Christian boy you are.” Their bodies shaking in a laughter building in their throats, still not taking wandering hands off each other.

Harry’s hands climbed up Louis’ back, fingertips pressed to the soft skin, the thin material of his t-shirt getting caught and riding up, exposing more and more.

"Did your dream go something like that?" Harry pressed a few kisses along the boy's face to get to his neck, gently sucking on the skin behind his ear. Louis hummed, in response, clenching his fingers on Harry's waist, a proud smile forming on Styles' lips seeing his companion's reaction.

He fondled with thin skin behind Lou’s ear, laying him back on his bed, hanging himself above the boy's face, his arm the only thing keeping him from collapsing and squishing a petite silhouette underneath him.

“It must’ve been a nice dream.” Brunette murmured into friend’s ear, Louis’ eyes still closed, the boy irritating his bottom lip even further by biting down on it. He was gasping for air, blood rumbling in his ears, wetness on the earlobe still reminiscent of Harry’s lips.

“It sure was.” Tomlinson squirmed and whined under the man, feeling a hand slipping down his side, resting on his right hip. He raised his palm and tugged on Harry’s sweater until he found the ridge, sliding his trembling fingers under it, touching the man for the first time in this intimate way, trying to imbed the smooth texture of his skin into the folds of his brain to keep for later.

“Someone’s feeling frisky.” Harry laughed and sucked on Louis’ collarbone, hard. He knew that nobody was going to see the mark if he left it there. Nobody besides two of them, another little secret of theirs. “See? I’ve said you’d like it here.” Louis felt a weight pressing him deep into the mattress, Harry straddling his hips. His head started spinning, his breath almost non-existent thinking about how much he wants the guy to continue, but he didn’t; he just sat there, an amused look on his face when he observed the boy beneath him.

“I hate you so much.” Louis complained, panting. His eyes glistening from the excitement. “You fucking tease.” He rolled his eyes at the devilish smile on Harry's lips. The uncomfortable tightness in Lou's jeans the last thing he was concerned about, the first thing concerning the boy though.

Louis' fingers slipped down Harry's spine, causing him to throw his head back, the sight so arousing, Lou's breath caught in his throat. The tired hand fell on the mattress, Styles' back ached for more, but how could he ask for more when he was not going to give any more of his touch?

Brunette laid back next to his friend, their chests rising and falling unevenly, their breaths shaky, the tips of their fingers touching ever so slightly.

He was quite proud of himself, proud of the way Louis reacted to his touch, proud of his ability to stop before they crossed the point of no return. He wanted to go there, he wanted to go all the way with this guy like he never wanted with anybody else, but it was early. Not early for him, he was aware of the way he felt, ready to commit in a heartbeat but he wasn't sure if Louis was.

He wasn’t going to act on his desires, so apparent when he was laying on the bed. His trembling body telling everything there was to say about the way he craved Louis’ touch. Louis had to be sure before they went all the way, however long it was going to take. But it was hard, it was so hard to keep his craving on lock when everything about Lou was making him go haywire, so effortless on the boy’s side it was almost scary.

"I'm sorry." Harry whispered when his breath calmed down. He was laying on his side, propped on the left elbow, a thumb pressed onto Louis' swollen lips, making him smile unwillingly.

“What are you sorry about?” Tomlinson asked disoriented, out of the two of them, he had a harder time composing himself.

"About stopping." He said, guilt flooding his mind. Louis looked so innocent. His face bright red, lips irritated, eyes deep blue, glistening. A bright red mark under his collarbone, not visible under his t-shirt but Harry knew it was there. "About starting, even though I knew I couldn't finish."

"Why?" Harry smiled bitterly, something about the way Louis was there all vulnerable, making him feel like a predator. "Why do you have to stop? What's so funny?" A feisty note snook into the boy's voice. That was Louis, Harry was comfortable with, not all soft and fragile.

“Remember what I’ve said when we first met?” Styles asked, his eyes still lost deep in Louis’.

“Oh.” A small voice escaped Tomlinson’s throat, his eyes going blank when he realized what the man had said back then.

“No, don’t do that.” His thumb slid to Lou’s cheek, caressing flushed skin delicately. “It’s not me I’m worried about.” He explained, the corners of his lips raised slightly. “I just want you to be sure, that’s all.”

“I am sure.” Louis snapped and sat back, leaving Harry behind him.

“Tell me when there’s no boner between your legs.” He reached for Lou’s palm and squeezed it.

“Let me tell you now.” He said, his voice louder than before, face red from the embarrassment mixed with arousal. “I hate you so fucking much.” He exclaimed, making sure to follow every single word with a pause to give the sentence more power.

Contrary to his words, he laid on his side, face mere inches from Harry’s and stared into those green, excited eyes like it was their last day on this planet.

"You're the worst." Louis repeated, a smile on his face contradicting every word. Smile so contagious that only a few seconds later, it found its way onto Harry's face.

“Hope you don’t hate me too much.” Styles brought their joined palms to his lips and started pressing small kisses on Lou’s knuckles.

"So, soo fucking much." He sighed, and they laid there, in the dim light coming from the hallway, getting lost in each other's eyes for long minutes, a growling noise from Louis' stomach interrupting their tender moment.

“Noo…” Louis moaned as Harry tugged on his arms to get him off the bed. Mad at his body betraying him like that, but he finally got up and dragged his feet across the carpeted floors following his friend to the kitchen. 

“What are we eating Mr Tomlinson?” Harry asked, said Mr Tomlinson sat on one of the mismatched chairs, the way he was addressed in making him feel things all over again.

“Whatever you have, don’t trouble yourself with preparing anything. Could be sandwiches for all I care.” He shrugged, looking at the face that with every word he spoke became more and more frustrated. Harry completely ignored his words and started taking ingredients out on the counter, setting up various sized pots on the stove. Definitely not what Louis had in mind when he asked him not to trouble himself.

"Was that better than sandwiches?" The response was obvious, but he still wanted Louis to admit that he liked the rice dish Harry engineered from leftover turkey he found in the fridge, mushrooms and some other basic ingredients like onions and spices.

“Eh, it was alright I guess.” Lou answered when he swallowed the last of the food. “A ham sandwich would suffice.” He kept mocking his friend, who was just rolling his eyes, he was tired of Louis always telling him not to cook for him as if it wasn’t one of Styles’ favourite things to do.

The clean-up was always less pleasant, though. Harry was rushing through it to get back to entertaining his guest. But it was a part of the cooking process, so he wasn't complaining too much.

Less than fifteen minutes later they were laying down in Harry’s bed, snuggled, bellies full after the meal watching a Gordon Ramsay show on the cooking channel. While Harry was interested in the whole food department, Louis was only there for the cursing and drama.

“Why do you even have a TV in here? I thought you hated the media.” Louis asked like he was accusing him of lying, brunette chuckling at his accusatory tone, pressing him even closer with a hand he had wrapped around his body.

“Robin put the old TV up when they got an upgrade on the downstairs one so my mom wouldn't get mad during football season.” He explained. “I wasn’t always like that… See?” He pointed to the desk. “I even used a computer for reasons other than studying.”

“What reasons? I have a hard time imagining you playing video games till the brink of the morning on a school night.” Louis laughed at the visual he created.

"I used to play a lot when I was maybe fifteen, but then got some shit for being a sissy and got depressed." Lou's breath got caught in his throat when he imagined the situation. He squeezed Harry's hand tighter than he ever did. "My mom saw me being weird, she snooped around my computer, which I still haven't forgiven her for." He chuckled yet again, just as if he was talking about a walk in a park. "Then she just asked me to stop, cutting the internet off when I wouldn't. So yeah… mostly porn." Louis snorted at the unexpected confession, still thinking about the bullying his friend endured back in the day, fuming that people do such things to total strangers, not knowing that their words could take a toll on this person's entire life. 

And then everything about Harry’s internet aversion made sense.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you.” He said in a small voice, pressing the top of Harry’s palm to his lips.

"I'm alright now, I'm glad my mom did what she did, wish everybody had a parent like that." Styles' free hand was fondling with Louis' hair. "I stopped going on social media around that time, too. It's not that I've lost anything important." He shrugged. "Yeah, maybe I haven't seen the most recent picture of my ex-girlfriend's toddler, but at least I'm alive, I don't know how much more of that I could've endured if my mom hasn't stepped in."

“I hate this, I hate this so much, Harry.” He cuddled the hand, swiping his fingers across the skin. “I wish this never happened to you.”

“I’m glad that it did.” Louis twisted his head and looked at him dumbfounded. “If I continued wasting my time on World Of Warcraft and Minecraft I would probably never end up studying, definitely not studying art. And then I would’ve never met you.” His lips curved, admiring the angry look on Louis’ face, still baffled by the story he was told. “Everything happens for a reason Lou, and I would gladly get bullied for million times as much if it guaranteed me with meeting you in the end.”

A single tear, summoned by Harry’s confession rolled down Louis’ cheek, his friend sweeping it with his thumb before it could hit the pillow under the boy’s head.

“Don’t.” The taller one pleaded, looking deeply in those blue eyes that were on the verge of tears. “I’m happy now, Louis.” His thumb still caressing the rosy cheek. “So, fucking happy.” He exhaled, a smile so bright, so out of place in juxtaposition to Louis’ tears; curving his plump lips, his eyes squinting, pushed by his dimpled cheeks. “And I know I’m a cheesy mess right now… fuck, all the time but you have no idea how long I’ve waited for something like this… waited for someone like you.”

Louis was speechless, embarrassed and guilty that he could not get himself to say what was on his mind, looking in those bright, loving eyes. He wished they could stay like that forever. He felt so admired, so needed, so loved… like he never did before. A feeling he didn’t know if he could give up now that he had a taste.

"I like you cheesy." He admitted when the tears stopped flowing, a wet stain on the pillow under his cheek. "I like you cheesy. And I like you angry, and I like it when you're teasing me. I like you when you say shit that doesn't make sense. I like your stupid, ancient phone, the way you keep feeding me and making me drink water. I like the way you still have records because getting an iPod seems like the worst thing ever… I just like you, I like you like I've never liked another person and I really fucking hope you like me at least half as much as I like you because if you didn't I'd probably die, and…" Harry pressed his index finger to Louis' lips, shutting down words spilling from boy's lips. Words so unnecessary since they both knew what he meant even if he never actually said the word…

"Jesus, are we crazy?" Harry asked, raising his eyes to the ceiling. "We barely met, and somehow I feel like I've had you in my life for ages." He pressed a small kiss onto Louis' forehead.

"Does it change anything? Doesn't it just mean that it's something special that we have?" Tomlinson asked, his eyes plastered to Harry's face. He hasn't answered, he just pressed the boy closer to himself, and they snuggled like that until Styles heard silent snores muffled by his sweater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed the chapter (or not, i'm down for constructive criticism) please give me some feedback, share with a friend or something.  
> Any questions, updates on my twitter @gerardisonfire  
> See you in like two days probably bc i'm impatient like that.


	5. Chapter 5

“Did you come alone? I thought you’ve said…” Anne looked around the room, disoriented after she hugged her son for all of those weeks she didn’t have the chance to do that. She barely arrived at home, still dressed in her checkered coat while observing the younger of her children.

“He’s upstairs, he fell asleep.” Harry explained as the woman took her outerwear off, hanging it in the closet by the door. The man sat down on the couch, his mom taking the space next to him, her head pressed to the student’s shoulder.

“Poor soul, is he feeling any better?” She asked, looking at her son like she hasn’t seen him in years. “I’ve missed you, baby.” The man laid down, his head placed on mom’s lap, her slim fingers tangled in his hair.

“He says he’s fine and he looks fine too so I guess he’s better.” Styles answered. His mother’s inquisitive look making him feel uncomfortable for the first time ever. For the longest time, he considered his mum his best friend, that’s why her being nosy was never really a big issue. Until now, the only time he ever had something to hide from her.

“When did you meet him? I thought you were so busy with school, too busy to visit your poor mother.” The woman complained, twisting strands of her son’s dark hair around his fingers.

"That's a funny story actually." Harry started, he turned on his back, looking at his mom's face. "We were assigned to sketch some guy, I couldn't find a model willing to pose for me, the school didn't provide me with anyone, and my friend suggested that I post on Facebook. He reached out and… it clicked." Styles told the story, deliberately skipping the part when he saw his new friend naked not even an hour after they met. 

"Are you being safe, baby?" She asked, and Harry squeezed his eyelids close in embarrassment he could feel on his cheeks.

“We’re friends.” He sighed, doing a bad job of trying to convince her. Perhaps it was intentional… He wanted her to know, he wanted everybody to know for fuck’s sake. “Please act like you’re oblivious to this. It’s still fragile.” Harry pleaded; he heard a noise upstairs, springing back on his legs in a heartbeat. “And please don’t mention his mom.” Anne nodded as if him saying this was necessary. No person in their right mind would bring the topic, knowing how sensitive the matter was.

“Did you have a good nap?” Harry asked, crouching beside the bed, Louis’ palms trapped in his own.

“Yeah, I did.” He admitted, his eyes struggling to stay open when he fought the urge to drift back to sleep. “What time it is?” The boy looked at the darkness behind the window, telling him absolutely nothing since it looked just the same when he fell asleep.

“Quarter to eight, we’re going to eat soon. Mom’s making salmon, you like salmon?”

Louis nodded, and his mouth became dry when he realised that the woman was already home. 

“I’m not leaving this bed.” Tomlinson insisted, pressing his body deeper into the mattress. “I’m going to die here.” He sighed, pulling the green cover over his head.

"Don't be dramatic. She's dying to meet you." Harry tried to calm his friend down, unsuccessfully, unfortunately. But Louis eventually got up, and they were standing at the top of the stairs, Louis's legs not cooperating, making him stumble as he walked. 

And there they were, half an hour later sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner. The dreaded moment of introducing himself to Harry’s mom behind them, pretty overexaggerated in his mind, VERY overexaggerated, to be honest.

Everything turned out to be just as Harry promised, his mom an absolute angel, much like his own. The woman closed Louis in a tight embrace, just like she knew him for years, not seconds. He felt welcome, still nervous about meeting the rest of the family but invigorated after meeting Anne.

“How about you Louis, are you studying?” The woman asked after Harry’s extensive summary of his school stuff.

"No, unfortunately, it didn't happen for me." He answered, his neck flushing red from the embarrassment. "My priorities were all over the place at the time, and I failed maths at A-levels." He admitted and smiled when he felt Harry's foot rubbing onto his in a comforting gesture. "I think I'll try this year though, I'll get some tutoring, make me mum proud."

“Aw.” Mrs Twist cooed and smiled at Louis. “I’m certain your mom is very proud of you as it is.” 

"This is very good, Anne." The boy brushed over the words about his mother and slipped the last piece of asparagus into his mouth.

“Would you like some more?” Harry asked, sitting at the table to keep them company since he already finished.

"No, thank you. My appetite is not quite there yet." The boy refused, and his friend collected their plates and put them into the dishwasher. 

“Hope it will recover till Christmas Day.” Styles laughed. “I see a lot of goodies planned for dinner.” He brought two glasses of water, handing one to Lou, who watched his friend lean over his mom’s head and placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Don’t oversell my skills, he’s going to be disappointed!” She laughed, still finishing her meal.

“I can’t see a way I could be disappointed with anything home-cooked,” Louis said between sips of his chilled water. “I don’t eat a lot of normal food back in Manchester.”

"He really doesn't." Harry sighed with a tired tone to his voice. "And don't be so humble, mum. You're the best cook." He added. "Do you mind if we go out for a bit?" 

“No, of course not. I’m going to head upstairs soon anyway. I have an early shift tomorrow.”

“When’s Gemma coming tomorrow?” Louis got up from the seat and cleaned the glass he emptied and left it on the drying rack not paying too much attention to the conversation going in the background.

"I wish I could tell you. She's changed her mind at least ten times now." Anne sighed and finished her dinner, her son put her plate in the dishwasher as well. "The most recent version said around one, but you know her, she could arrive any time."

“Typical Gemma.” Harry concluded more to Louis than to anybody else.

"Goodnight, Anne." Tomlinson said when his friend evacuated the kitchen.

"Goodnight, see you tomorrow, honey." They exchanged bright smiles, and he disappeared behind the wall, following Styles to the entrance where they got dressed and left the house. 

“Where are you taking me?” Louis asked, halfway done cigarette between his lips.

“I don’t know.” Harry shrugged; a slither of disgust surfaced on his face as the smoke his friend exhaled was carried by the wind in his direction. “I just wanted to be alone with you.” Louis felt a touch on his palm that was hanging by his side, only fingertips visible, the rest hidden by sleeves of his jacket.

“We’re not alone.” He sighed and put the hand in a fist, hiding it completely from Harry’s reach. He was right. They were walking down the street, motion-sensor lights snapping on, triggered by them, dark silhouettes observing them from some of the windows.

“It’s good enough for me.” Styles nearly whispered; they were walking silently, thin fog leaving their lips with every single breath. Their footsteps the only thing disturbing the silence of the evening.

“Your mom is lovely.” Louis finally spoke when they were sitting on a bench near an unidentified body of water.

“She likes you too.” Harry smiled, everything went just as well as he hoped it would; his mom possibly adoring his friend just as much as he did. He wasn't surprised. Louis was polite, complimented her, he listened, paid attention to her words, and most importantly, he made Harry happy, and that was what mattered the most. 

“I’m happy you made me come here.” Louis admitted, his hand found its way to his friend’s palm, flattened on the bench. It was too dark for anyone to see them, he felt comfortable showing his affection in a place like that. Their fingers intertwined, exchanging loving looks.

“I didn’t make you do anything. You’ve agreed.” Harry protested. Louis’ eyes raised to the dark sky.

“Oh, are we doing this again?” A sigh escaped Tomlinson’s parted lips. “You’ve manipulated me into coming here. You’ve seduced me into agreeing, you’re not getting away with this. I’m going to…” His threat hung in the air; the boy unsure of how he could end the sentence.

“You’re going to what?” Harry hummed into the smaller one’s ear; their fingers still tied together.

“I don’t know.” Louis finally snarled, defeated.

“I’m going to it up to you.” Another warm breath landed on the boy’s ear. “Even if you ended up liking being here.”

“Yeah? What are you going to do? This was a severe offence, the compensation has to be at least as great.” Louis teased his friend, whispering in a somewhat provoking way.

“I have an idea.” Harry cut the subject. They were sitting in there for more than an hour, enjoying their company in silence.

They were both deep into their thoughts when small, white snowflakes started polluting the air, transforming into small droplets of wetness in contact with either of their skin. Suddenly, the wind started blowing harder, icy licks flushing their faces as they looked at the short waves sliding along the surface of the lake. It was peaceful. They sat on the secluded bench, far from the sight of curious eyes, surrounded by the soothing sound of moving water and cattail that did not get a chance to fully die before the winter struck for good.

It got cold way too quick, their coats doing a mediocre job of keeping them warm. It did not look like the weather was going to clear anytime soon, so they headed back to the pleasant warmth of Harry's family home.

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?” Louis asked when they strutted the street reach the house as soon as possible. The snowing increased by the minute. A thin layer collected on the ground by the time they arrived.

“If there’s anything I’ve learned from religiously watching romantic comedies back in the day it’s the fact that there’s nothing more romantic than a snow scene.” He laughed as he shut the door behind them. The flakes collected on their silhouettes turning into wet spots immediately when it was hit by the warmth of Harry’s home.

Louis tried to reach to kiss him, but his friend distanced himself. 

"Robin's home." The student explained, and the boy's throat closed off at the thought of meeting Harry's stepdad. He didn't know how he missed it, but there was, in fact, another car was parked outside when Tomlinson took a quick glance out of a small window. It's not how he imagined the introduction. It was late, his hair wet, cheeks red; his reflection looked like a child. "Don't be scared, he's a human teddy bear." Harry whispered to his ear, and the visual helped a little. 

Louis fixed his hair as much as it was possible and took three deep breaths, then they walked into the living room, their steps in weird harmony with each other.

The room was empty, Tomlinson relieved when he thought the man went to sleep before they could meet, buying him more time to the dreaded moment. On the other hand, he wished he could have it already past him.

“Harry!” They heard a deep, cheerful voice, Lou’s head twisting in the kitchen’s direction. And there, he was. Standing in the doorway; a man who looked like he had no bad bone in his body, He was shorter than his son, hair silver, matching the colour of his beard, rectangular glasses propped on his nose which rosy hue matched his entire face.

“Hey, come on here, I’ve missed you.” Harry cheered; his face deformed in a wide grin when cuddled the man who raised him. When they finally let each other out of the embrace, the attention shifted to Louis, standing there, obviously uncomfortable but ready to be introduced. “This is Louis, I’m sure mom told you everything about him already.”

“If that ain’t right." The man laughed deeply, something about his voice and appearance, reminding Louis of Santa Claus. Nobody was afraid of Santa, right? "I'm Robin, it's nice to have you here with us." 

“Louis, nice to meet you as well.” They shook hands and there it was, the introduction concluded. It left only the one part of the clan, perhaps the one Louis was the most intimidated by.

They were left alone in the living room, Robin going to sleep since he was also starting early the next day. Louis couldn’t bring himself to touch Harry there because even though they were alone, it didn’t feel like they were. To resolve that problem, they silently climbed the stairs, few of them creaking under their weight and in Styles’ closed bedroom nothing was stopping them from cuddling on the bed in front of the TV.

“Do you want to shower first or can I go?” Harry asked when the clock announced midnight.

“You go, you look sleepy.” Louis’ index finger flicked the tip of his friend’s nose, a bright smile curving those plump lips in response to the gesture, followed by a quick peck.

“It’s not like I’m going to be able to fall asleep without you.” Harry laughed and got up from the bed only to leave his friend right after.

And what exactly was he supposed to do now? How long was Harry going to be gone? Feeling the familiar craving deep in his gut, Louis went downstairs and left the house using the back door. He wasn't in the garden yet, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. He stood there, his back pressed to the bricked wall, smoke seeping out from his lungs. The layer of snow tripled in thickness since they got home. 

Harry got back into his bedroom after he cut his shower to the minimum since he didn’t want to waste a minute of time he was given with Louis. He’d gladly spend the entire break in bed with him, doing absolutely nothing but he knew that it was going to get hectic with preparations as soon as his mother comes back from work the next day and that’s why he was so disappointed when he did not find the boy in his bedroom.

He sat at the edge of the mattress, short towel wrapped around his waist, showing a big chunk of his thigh and waited until Louis gets back from his cigarette, that’s what he assumed the guy was doing.

Harry secretly hated that Louis smoke, that was one of the three things he would change about him if he could. He would change his eating habits, as well. And most importantly, he would love for him to have all things figured out, not for his own pleasure and ease of showing him affection whenever he wanted to. No, he just wanted the boy to feel comfortable with who he was, there's no way he could ever be happy without accepting himself completely.

And there he was, slipped into the room, face bright red from the cold. Smiling so adorably, almost as if he missed Harry as much as he was missed in ten minutes that they haven’t seen each other. They grew attached way quicker than any of them anticipated.

“I wouldn’t have fought if I knew coming here came with views like this one.” Louis stood in front of his friend and leaned over him. The usual set up reversed, now it was Harry who was stretching his already long neck to reach his friend’s lips, smiling when he accomplished the task. 

Something in the way Harry looked right there, sitting on the bed, droplets of water sliding down his exposed chest made the younger one go mad, he kissed like he never did before. Straddling Harry’s lap in the sudden influx of confidence. The way his hands touched the guy’s back, saying everything about his intentions.

“You’re so hot.” The boy whined when he distanced their faces. He needed a moment, a long moment. Still sitting on Styles’ lap, touching the bare skin of his torso, fingertips barely coming into contact with skin riddled with goosebumps raised by his touch.

"You're silly." Brunette smiled lovingly, but something devilish was creeping behind those bright, green eyes. His hand still plastered to Louis' back, making sure he doesn't fall. 

“So, soo hot.” The boy started placing kisses along his friend’s lips, dropping to the neck, making Harry throw his head back, small hum seeping through his nose. “How did I get so lucky?” He couldn’t help but wonder, he adored every single thing about that guy, everything about him just right.

“How did I?” Harry murmured and placed his thumb over Louis’ bottom lip, pulling it down in a pout. “So beautiful.” He sighed, still admiring the rosy tone of boy’s face.

“The best thing that ever came out from undressing for money.” Tomlinson joked. “Let me get into that shower before I can’t leave you alone.” He climbed off Harry’s lap, the guy fixing his towel and smiling at him.

“There are clean towels in the cupboard, make yourself at home.” Louis grabbed a small bag he kept his basic toiletries in and left the brunette alone with his thoughts.

Harry got up and put his pyjama bottoms on before the boy got back, he hung the towel on the radiator and ran downstairs to bring a bottle of water to keep by the bed. He locked the front door and got back. It was very hard keeping the thoughts at bay while not being preoccupied with anything in particular.

The student laid on his belly, phantom touch of Louis’ fingers still on the skin of his broad back, making his whole body vibrate with the simple pleasure. He pressed his head to the pillow and cursed, the material against his lips muffling the sound to next to nothing. He decided to follow through with the decision he made. He needed to go to sleep, fast before he’d do something Louis could regret later.

He slipped under the Ninja Turtles covers, still laying on his front, his eyes facing the wall, body twitching slightly when he heard the door open only to become still right after. He was completely sold on the idea of pretending to be asleep, Louis seemed to believe in the act. All the lights went out in the room, the mattress dipped under the weight of Tomlinson’s petite body as he slid under the cover and Harry could swear it was the boy’s thigh that pressed against one of his scattered hands. The heavens seemed to be mocking his horny ass.

Harry heard little taps on the screen of Tomlinson's smartphone, light from the device bouncing off the dark wall. How could he fall asleep right now? How could he just go to bed when every cell in his body ached for Louis. For Louis, who finally got bored with his phone, silently regretting the unconscious decision to nap in the evening. Sleeping was the last thing he was thinking about at the moment, every thought in his mind focused on the man laying mere inches from him, seemingly sleeping, but something in his complete stillness made the boy doubt that he was actually asleep. 

He decided to risk it and brought his body closer to brunette's, sliding his two fingers alongside the guy's spine. Thin hair raised on the nape of his neck, telling Louis everything he wanted to know.

“Pretending to sleep? How old are you, five?” Louis giggled into his companion’s ear, fingers still caressing the skin on his back. “I’m bored.” He got up and yet again straddled the older man. Tomlinson pressed his palms to the taller one's shoulders and started kneading the muscles of broad back stretched in front of him in an amateur massage.

Harry moaned with the pleasure that the makeshift massage brought him, especially relieving when the hands got to his loins, Louis squeezing every inch of the surface in his small hands.

Twenty minutes later and the boy’s arms were exhausted from the activity, too pleasurable for both sides to call it a workout. Louis leaned over to Harry’s neck and started creating the path with his lips, starting from the earlobe, ending it above the waistband of his colourful pants and coming right back up. His hands wandering along Styles’ sides, raising goosebumps over the brunette’s still body.

“Such a good boy, aren’t you?” The boy whispered to Harry’s ear, twisting the strands of his wet hair around his fingers. “Good boys go to sleep after dinner, good boys don’t have those naughty thoughts you have Harry.” The very edge of man’s earlobe slipped into Lou’s mouth, crooked teeth gently tugging on it. “Touch me, Harry.” Another kiss pressed against the man’s jawline. “Fuck me, please.” Small, pleading voice escaped Louis’ throat. Their bodies shifted seamlessly, now Tomlinson laying underneath the bigger man.

“Such a horny baby, aren’t you?” He growled and pressed his lips to Louis’. Everything in his body resisted the temptation until he heard those last words… the words that were almost enough to make him come in his pants, words that made the blood boil in his veins. But now it was too late, too late to make him stop, too late to make them both stop. Harry’s tongue wandering into Lou’s mouth, reintroducing himself to every inch of boy’s tongue that led by lust wasn’t even remotely as clumsy as Harry got used to it being. “You’ve brought it on yourself, there’s no going back now.” A threatening tone in brunette’s voice made the smaller one's mind get cloudy, a breath caught in his throat.

“Uh, oh.” Tomlinson sighed innocently and squirmed under Harry, feeling swollen lips under his Adam’s apple, man’s very apparent erection pressed against his thigh, thin cotton the only thing hiding it from his sight. He brought shaky hands and buried them into his lover's hair, his man going lower and lover, lacing his body with wet kisses, sucking on the skin from time to time, leaving faint marks as a reminder.

“You like that?” Harry asked a rhetorical question when he heard Louis whine under him as he flicked one of the nipples with the tip of his broad tongue. Boy’s arm snapping at his face, pressed against his lips to muffle little moans that unwillingly left his mouth, unintentionally making Harry want him even more if it was possible.

But then, the student left that area, pressing his tongue against Lou’s belly, leaving a wet trail on his way to boxers that definitely shouldn’t be as tight as they were.

“This is your last chance to say no.” Styles warned as he slipped his thumbs under the waistband of Louis’ underwear. Tomlinson only pulled himself up on his elbows and looked down, not believing his eyes.

“Please, yes.” He whispered out of breath as he nodded frantically, his eyes failing to stay open, his brain overwhelmed with the things he felt, piled up all at once, making him go haywire. He felt like he was going to explode, the emotions too much for him to handle.

"Now hello." Harry smiled when Louis' cock sprung out his underwear, bobbing mere inches from his face. "And what am I supposed to do with you now?" He mocked, but then he totally abandoned that part of the boy's body and brought his lips back to his partner's. "Now what?" He asked, getting some sadistic pleasure from seeing Lou begging for his touch, half of his effort focused on keeping himself at bay.

But Louis didn’t beg this time. He took the initiative and slid his hand down until he found what he was looking for. He groped Harry’s equipment, causing him to exhale sharply with the unexpected stimulation.

“No, no.” He protested, tugging the wandering hand back higher. “Let me take care of you.” The man sat by Louis’ hips and wrapped his big palm around his erection, a soft moan escaping Lou's parted, bruised lips. "Are we okay?" Styles asked, and when his partner's head nodded in agreement, he proceeded to pleasure him.

Brunette’s hand slid up and down slowly, tugging on the foreskin ever so slightly, each move more fluid, lubricated by precum collected around the head of Lou's' cock. He was as hard as he got, gasping for air, trying to keep himself composed. It would be embarrassing to come before his friend could even properly start.

“Yes, yes, yes.” Louis exhaled when brunette fondled his heated balls with his other hand. He couldn’t take his eyes off the man, all smiley, proud of the way the boy squirmed under his touch.

Tomlinson’s eyes fell shut, overwhelmed with the stimulation; he tried to keep his mind off the things that were going on between his legs, tried to keep himself distracted thinking about everything but Harry, his hand grasped around his cock.

But then the time Styles anticipated the most came; he laid between boy's legs and slid his hands between his thigs. The thighs he was daydreaming about ever since he saw them for the first time. The difference was that he was allowed to touch them this time.

He spread them open, exposing the most intimate part of his friend's body right before his eyes. He felt the pressure on his palms that were still exploring the insides of the muscular base of his lover's legs, but when he started pressing kisses on the pale skin, the boy stopped trying to squeeze his legs shut, letting his partner indulge in adoring every inch of them like an addict who finally got his fix after a long break. 

“Beautiful.” Harry sighed, hot breath pooling on the thin skin when he broke the contact between his plump lips and his lover’s right thigh, the boy thankful for the distraction from his throbbing erection, ready to explode. Louis smiled, biting down on his lip and proceeded to tug on Harry’s hair, as he felt broad tongue leaving wet shapes on the insides of his thighs, riding up every few seconds until he found himself in the place Louis wanted him to be. His nose pressed against Lou’s groin, savouring the musky smell of the sweat that started beading on his heated skin.

“Yum.” Styles licked the seam linking Lou’s thigh with his bum, boy’s head threw back at the sensation followed by a tight grip on the side of his bottom.

But then the wetness returned, circling the path around the base of Louis’ cock, flooding the loose skin holding the testicles, sucking gently on each of them.

Harry palmed Louis’ length, a strong shiver shaking his entire body, the boy cursing from the pleasure, the hand quickly joined by the tongue wrapping around the head, licking off the wetness collected around the slit.

Louis speechless, breathless as Harry dug his erection deeper into his mouth, focusing his hand on the parts he couldn't get to. Intricate movements of his tongue, making the smaller one forget about anything else but his boyfriend’s tongue wrapped around him, sucking on his throbbing cock.

Even with his hand still gripping Harry’s hair, Louis didn’t need to instruct him, every movement of his head just right, hot air hitting the base of his length making it even more enjoyable. Louis’ hand clenched the cartoon bedding, his knuckles white from the tension as his head hit the back of Harry’s throat, sending a vibration travelling throughout his entire body.

“Harry, I-” He didn’t have to finish the sentence, Styles perfectly aware of the orgasm he was working on summoning.

He had enough of teasing Louis, his jaw becoming stiff when he decided to finish the boy off. Harry pushed the length up his throat, right before the point of gagging and flicked Louis’ nipple with his index finger. He felt warm cum coating his throat, his friend arching his back on the mattress, squeezing him tight between his shaking thighs.

“Beautiful.” The student concluded when he sat next to Louis, his body still not recovered from the orgasm. Harry was following with his fingers a straight line from the base of his neck, up to the belly button, his silhouette still shaky from the pleasure. “Beautiful, naughty boy.” A smile brightened his face, Louis finally opened his eyes and gave the brunette the most telling look, spilling all of the emotions he felt right before his friend.

Harry laid on his side, his own erection still apparent between his legs, heavy weight resting on his thigh. He followed the length of Louis’ arm and brought it to his lips to kiss it, but then a bright red, somewhat circular mark on his wrist caught Styles’ attention.

“Did you… you bit yourself?” Harry asked, something between worry and amusement spicing his words.

"It was either this or scream." He felt his friend's lips pressing onto the wound. "What now?" Louis asked unsurely glancing at Harry's boner.

"Now we're going to sleep, you filthy boy." Lou's nose was flicked with the brunette's finger. 

“But you…” He was shut down by a gentle kiss on his swollen lips.

"I'm a good boy." The older one concluded and let Louis' head, rest on his chest, arm wrapped around his waist. The erection softening, at last, not meaning he wasn't longing for the touch, his heart beating uneven, exposed right before Tomlinson, whose ear was pressed right below it.

“So, soo good." The boy murmured, causing Harry's chest to shake from laughter.

Louis laid there, cuddled to the man he met not even a month ago, his brain scrambled, listening to his heartbeat and breaths that over the time became more monotone, softer. His thumb glided over a patch of skin on Harry’s chest when a barely detectable snore broke the silence.

“I love you so fucking much.” Louis admitted, testing the words, for the time being, thinking how much time is he going to need to finally say it at loud to a man who's not fast asleep. Styles only praying in his mind that his heartbeat won't expose the fact that he wasn't fully out yet.

Harry woke up, bright sunbeams shining directly in his eyes as he squirmed, bedsheet crumpled on his sides. Wide smile deforming his face almost immediately when he brushed his fingers over Louis’ hand, boy’s body stretched on his belly, fast asleep.

He could’ve stayed like that forever; God knows he wanted to, but he had a job to do. After quite a bit of persuading himself, he got up from his bed, trying to disturb the surface of the mattress as little as possible, his friend’s body still moved from the commotion.

Louis looked so peaceful when he slept, his palm tucked below the pillow, face sound, small red lines imprinted on his cheek from the creases of the pillowcase. Long eyelashes casting shadows on the delicate skin under his eyes, fluttering ever so slightly as his eyeballs moved, covered by the lids.

The sight was so adorable Harry couldn't help himself and reached for Louis' smartphone. He fiddled with the device for a bit until he discovered that he could access the camera without the passcode. His knees bent, and Styles took a picture, choosing an angle with precision just as he would while using his polaroid.

After realising how big of a creep he was, the man left the room silently and headed to the kitchen, including a quick stop in the bathroom on his route. The house was quiet, too quiet. Back in Manchester, he had a record playing in any given moment, and if not, there was more than enough noise from the street that was seeping inside even if the windows were closed. But in his family home, in the middle of a quiet village, there was nothing to break the silence, only sparse creaks from unidentified places around the house, audible now and then.

He put the TV on in an attempt to make himself focus less on the way he missed Louis, silly of him to think about that since the boy was sleeping in his bed, a minute away from where he was standing; but there was something about his partner that made him silly like that, a lot of those things actually.

Harry collected butter, two eggs and a milk carton from the fridge and set the ingredients on a clean counter, right next to the stove. His mom either broke the bowl he was used to using for making pancakes or moved it somewhere, he simply couldn't find it and had to settle on next best one. He sifted flour into the bowl, put in some of the vanilla-infused sugar his mom always made and a pinch of salt. The mixture of dry ingredients mixed with his spread fingers. Two eggs, three tablespoons butter he melted in the microwave, and quite a bit of milk later, he was whisking the ingredients together vigorously, making sure to incorporate all the clumps, creating a smooth, fluid batter.

A silicone brush lubricated the surface of a non-stick pan with butter and Harry poured enough batter do cover the bottom with a thin layer. In the meantime, as the pancake was cooking, he rinsed the strawberries thoroughly and cut off the ends from the fruit.

When the pancake became semi-translucent, the ridges curving upwards Harry grabbed the pan and in one fell swoop flipped it, placing the pan back on the burner right away.

As the stack of pancakes grew taller and taller, Harry as always making more than he needed, the man was preparing toppings, ranging from fresh fruit through various, homemade jams to chocolate spread. He had an idea which one Louis was going to enjoy the most. He started creating different flavour compositions starting from a British staple: lemon and sugar, finishing with a bang: Nutella and strawberries topped with dollops of whipped cream, a true treat for a sweet-tooth like Louis.

The cook set the tray with two plates, fruity arrangements on his, sugar overload on Louis’. He poured two cups of unsweetened tea he steeped in the meantime, brought the can of whipped cream he was going to top the pancakes with and climbed the stairs focused on not tipping the carefully engineered construction to either side since doing that would have tragic repercussions.

“Good morning birthday boy.” Softened voice escaped his curved lips as he set the tray on the nightstand, Louis’ lips curved just as much if not more, manifesting that he was not asleep anymore.

“How do you always know everything?” The boy sighed as his body stretched across the bed. “Oh, something smells delicious.”

“I’m a massive creep, that’s why I know.” Harry sat by Louis’ legs; his friend now looking at the spread.

"I thought you were going to give me a class on pancakes?" Disoriented Tomlinson looked at his companion, his pupils probably in the shape of hearts from the emotions early-morning Louis awakened in him. Okay, it was nowhere near to early morning, it was almost eleven, but still, he never saw him like that, just as he woke up.

"We have all the time in the world for the lesson." Harry smiled, knowing that he wasn't wrong. "I promise, next pancakes you eat will be made by yourself. Now eat up."

Louis placed a pillow on his lap and propped the plate on it, a fork clasped in his hand, ready to help the boy devour all Harry’s propositions.

“Oh, wait.” Styles shook the can and placed big dollops of whipped cream on every single one of Louis’ crepes.

“Now we’re talking.” Birthday-boy cheered as he dug the prongs of stainless-steel utensil into the jam pancake, leaving the Nutella one for later.

Harry held the tip of the cream dispenser between his teeth and squeezed the trigger, cold peaks solidifying in his mouth, oozing out while he tried to close it, Louis giggling at the sight totally in love with the attention he’s been given on his birthday.

“Nineteen, huh?” The student said as he chewed on his lemon-sugar pancake. “How’s your back, knees getting weak already?” His own joke making him laugh more than it probably should. 

“Your jokes are just atrocious.” The boy concluded; half of his meal gone already. “I love them.” He admitted, looking at his friend who sipped his tea. Encouraged by the sight, he took a big gulp out of a yellow mug, his face deforming immediately as the bitter taste flooded his mouth. “Did you run out of sugar or something?” He asked, chomping down on the cakes in an attempt to get the bitter taste out as quick as possible.

"There's a pound of sugar in these alone." Harry explained, pointing at Louis' breakfast. "And I would know, I made them." Tomlinson's eyes rolled at the sudden concern of his sugar intake; it was his birthday for fuck's sake! "There's water under the bed if you're thirsty and refuse to drink your tea." Brunette smiled lovingly, and how could somebody be mad at that man? He had Louis wrapped around his finger. 

Three big gulps of room-temperature water later, Louis was chewing the last bite of his breakfast, Harry still going through his pancakes.

“Thank you.” Tomlinson set the plate back on the tray and spread his body on the bed, taking almost the entire surface. “This is the best birthday ever.” He sighed, dragging his fingers along Harry’s thigh that was still covered with his pyjama bottoms. “And to think I would’ve missed it by not telling you.”

“Thank God I’m such a creep and found out on my own.” Styles laughed and swallowed the last bite. He hurried, trying to get back to Louis as soon as possible to make use of the time they had left before his sister arrived.

"When's your birthday?" A bitter smile welcomed Louis' face when he realised that he didn't even know the basic details of his friend's life.

"February first. Why?" Lou's hand found his phone slipped under the pillow and started browsing the internet, smiling slightly at something he saw.

“When Capricorn and Aquarius join together, they tend to bring out the most positive attributes of one another. Capricorn is a more cautious, rational outlook on life, while Aquarius is insatiable, fostering an idealistic approach to nearly everything. On the surface, they may seem like total opposites, but once these two set eyes on one another, an unbreakable bond is formed.” Louis quoted some website and couldn’t help but smile.

“Tell me you don’t believe in this stuff.” Harry pleaded, laid himself on his side and pressed his fingertips to the bite on Louis’ wrist.

“No, I don’t.” He shrugged. “But I’d like to think this is true.” The boy rolled on his back, his blue eyes level with Harry’s. “Can I admit something to you?”

“Always.” Styles intertwined their fingers and raised them to his lips, placing kisses on boy’s knuckles.

“You won’t laugh?”

“I will never laugh at what you have to say unless it’s a joke. I will always laugh at your jokes, no matter how bad they are.” Louis’ eyes rode up, looking at one of the posters covering pieces of a wall opposite of him, doing everything he could to avoid looking in Harry’s eyes.

“Yesterday when you… when you blew me, I ... I kind of called you my boyfriend in my thoughts. Several times.” Tomlinson confessed, his hand squeezed harder than before.

“Why would I laugh? I thought I was pretty clear about the way I feel about this… about us.” Harry pinched Louis’ chin with his other hand and brought his eyes back to his. “I lo…” Lou squirmed and sighed before Styles could end. “Why won’t you let me say that?” Harry got frustrated. “I’ve been nothing but transparent with the way I felt about you and whether you let me say these words or not it still stays the same. Me saying that I l…” Yet another angry stare, thunders thrown in Harry’s direction. “Me saying I love you, because I fucking do, doesn’t change anything between us. Not on my part at least. Do I want everybody to know? Fuck yes, I do. I want to get on the roof of the tallest building and shout for the entire world to hear that I am so madly in love with that one guy I’ve just met. But in the meantime when I can’t quite do that yet, I just want to tell you because to be honest, you’re the one person my world revolves around right now, the only person that matters.”

“Why do you always have to do that?” Louis asked in a small voice, the knuckles of his hand white from the force he’s been squeezing Harry’s hand with while trying not to weep. “Why do you always have to make me cry and look like a baby?”

“Because you are a baby.” Styles smiled lovingly, his thumb on boy’s cheek catching the tears that broke out. “A baby I love.”

“You are the worst.” Louis sighed and rolled away from his companion, their hands still tied together.

“I know you love me.” Harry pressed a sweet kiss on the side of Lou’s neck, boy’s face puzzled since he knew his friend was right, even though he’s never heard him say it. “You smell so nice.” Brunette moaned; his nose dug into Louis’ collarbone.

“What happened to that good boy that was here yesterday?”

“He went bad.” Styles’ teeth dug into the skin stretched over Louis’ collarbone.

“So, so bad.” Louis sighed, feeling Harry’s hand pressing onto his hardening cock. “Now that’s what I call a birthday.” The student proceeded to kiss his way down Tomlinson’s body, the boy shuddering underneath his lips, craving everything he had to offer. Everything.

Harry’s body dug deep under the covers, Louis’ eyes closed. The only evidence of Styles even being in the room were those plump lips squeezing tightly Lou’s cock as his head bobbed up and down pleasuring the birthday-boy.

“Fuck!” Tomlinson screamed when he felt his partner’s tongue venturing deeper into his intimate parts, the tip of his tongue flicking his tight opening. “Ohmymotherfuckinggod.” He moaned, the cluster of profanity fading into nothing when he felt fingers pressing on the ring of muscles lubricated by Styles’ spit.

Harry lowered his partner’s hips and in one fell swoop turned him on his belly, kneeling giving him access to everything, all there for him to take.

"Who would've thought you'd be so loud." Brunette's hand reached Louis' hard erection and tugged on it, releasing a loud moan muffled by the pillow. Broad tongue pressed on Lou's rim, one long lick making Louis' thighs shake, Harry still jerking him off, the tip of his finger circling the loosening muscles. "You're so pretty." Louis chuckled, but then he felt Harry's finger slipping inside, the sensation unknown to him, awakening something that never manifested its presence.

Harry was in heaven, he laid his head between Louis’ thigs, his cock using his wide-opened mouth just as he pleased, finger dug deep into him, rhythmically fidgeting boy’s prostate, a deep shiver announcing every single one of those hits.

“I’m close.” Tomlinson moaned a warning and started rolling his hips even harder, digging deeper into Harry’s throat, his tongue making him enter another dimension. Styles pressed a second finger past Louis’ opening, another shudder shook boy’s body. He loved seeing him like that. This is all he ever wanted to do, to please him. From the first time he ever saw that guy, all he wanted to do was be used by him.

Tomlinson's back arched as Harry pressed his fingers to his prostate for the last time, a loud scream escaped the depths of boy's body, his cock spilling into his man's irritated throat, sliding out just as he came, leaving a few dots of white cum on Harry's plump bottom lip. Styles sucked at his lip as he slid his fingers out, placing small kisses over the ring as a goodbye.

Harry returned to the surface, Louis laying flat on the bed, shivering, his rim still pulsating from the orgasm he’s experienced.

“Hello there.” He smiled sweetly at his partner.

“I didn’t bite this time.” He panted, showing off his arms to the man.

“I’ve heard.” Harry said, proud of himself. He saw Louis’ cheeks flushing when he slipped his hand underneath brunette’s pants, squeezing his hard boner. “It’s your birthday.” The older one sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying the way he was touched.

"That's why you will let me do this." Louis sat next to him, squirming a bit until he found the right position. He imagined the moment from time to time, always excited to get the glance of Harry's cock. Now when the moment came, he didn't really care about the sight of the erection he gripped while sliding his hand up and down, the faces his man made, were the real treat. Even when Lou's first attempts at jerking another person off were a bit clumsy.

“Don’t judge me too much right now…” Harry moaned and spilt all over Louis’ right hand, coating his skin with a white-ish solution. "You got me so riled up yesterday, I've been on edge ever since." Brunette explained, he grabbed Louis' boxers that were laying at the foot of the bed ever since last night and wrapped his fingers around boy's wrist, wiping his skin with the clean material.

“No judgement, never.” Louis fell back on the mattress, his partner joining him. They were laying on their backs, their breaths coming back to normal, minute after minute, bodies giving the heat away to the surroundings.

“Boyfriends?” Louis finally brought himself to ask the question he failed to ask before.

“Boyfriends.” Harry agreed, the smile on his face probably brighter than the sun seeping in through the windows, bathing their naked bodies in a golden glow.

"Shower?" Styles asked his boyfriend, yes boyfriend, when his heart stopped racing.

"Shower, definitely!" Tomlinson agreed with enthusiasm. And there they were, five minutes later, squeezed into the small shower together, their bodies pressed against each other, barely enough space to clean themselves. It didn't matter, they were the happiest they ever been, exchanging soft kisses and falling deeper for each other every single second. It couldn't get better than this.

“You’re doing it wrong!” Gemma yelled at her brother for god knows which time that evening even though it was Harry who selflessly proposed to help her prepare the filling for the pie she was making when he could’ve just sat back and relaxed or even slipped away upstairs to cuddle with Louis.

But no, he decided to help, like a good brother he was and that was the treatment he got, his older sister critiquing the way he cut the apples as if it made any difference whatsoever. The woman was standing behind the couch, evaluating every piece of fruit the man cut; Louis was occupying the other couch, observing how Harry handled the knife with utmost confidence, like some kind of kitchen virtuoso.

The boy was more than thankful that it was not him who was assigned the task his boyfriend was responsible for, he did not think that Gemma would’ve been quite this harsh with a person she just met, but he’d rather not find out what she was capable of. Louis did not say that, but in his eyes, it looked more like their weird way of showing affection than anything malicious.

"Would you please, mind your business?" Harry sighed deeply, not taking his eyes off the bowl he was dropping small cubes of apple into. He wasn't entirely sure whether he liked how comfortable his sister got, throwing insults at him without a second thought. Of course, Harry knew that it was just Gemma being Gemma, but he was afraid that this whole tough love persona was going to draw Louis away, make a bad impression or even worse, intimidate the boy and it was the last thing the student wanted. 

So far, Tomlinson seemed comfortable enough, sprawled on the couch, face nuzzled into a fluffy throw pillow which tickled his nostrils when he inhaled, making his nose scrunch adorably, Harry beaming at him when he got a chance to catch one of those moments when he took a glance at his new… boyfriend. The word still so new, so weird in his thoughts, it just seemed so mundane, so unlike Louis himself.

They got a bit more time in bed than they thought they would, cuddling and exchanging kisses sweetened by pancakes and the feeling of commitment they grew to love so fast. Laying in there, preoccupied with each other, they kind of lost track of time and even though the woman was late, they still were startled when the front door flung open with a thud of the knob hitting the wallpapered wall in the corridor. Gemma announced her late arrival cheerily, her voice ringing in ears of two guys who were frantically putting their clothes on; pure fear in Louis' eyes made the taller man laugh just a bit, the amusement not appreciated by the younger one who threw a thunder at his partner with an icy gaze while taking deep breaths, just enough to get rid of the nervous blush of his cheeks.

That particular introduction was quite hectic and brief. As it turned out, Anne failed to notify her daughter about the new addition to their celebratory dinner. The woman never said that she didn't know about Louis, but the furrow of her brows, so reminiscent of Harry exposed her confusion immediately. She was just as pleasant as everybody Louis had the chance of meeting since he arrived in Holmes Chapel, well she was until it came to greeting her brother; a quite surprising amount of profanity woven into the words she addressed Harry with.

Then, she disappeared, headed to her childhood bedroom with a suitcase that looked like it weighed more than the woman herself, yet, Gemma denied when both Harry and Louis offered to help her haul the thing upstairs.

Boyfriends were left alone, stealing quick kisses as they stood between the couches, separating when it came to sitting down, keeping a neutral distance even though it might’ve been the last thing both of them wanted to do. Harry proceeded to excuse his sister’s explicit language, explaining their banter which might sound a bit rough to a stranger whom Louis, undeniably was. A sliver of fear hidden behind those green eyes as if he was afraid Louis was going to pack up and leave, offended by the sister’s behaviour. He couldn’t have been any more wrong, Gemma’s relaxed attitude doing a great job of grounding him, reminding the boy of one of his sisters, with whom he had a similar bond.

They were doing a pretty good job of pretending they were watching the telly when the woman finally came downstairs, her blonde hair put in one of those messy buns that, in reality, took quite a while to perfect. She rocked a comfortable outfit consisting of sweatpants and a t-shirt that had just a few holes, scattered around the fabric way too randomly to be intentional, her feet hugged by plushie socks when she propped them on the coffee table after she sat down next to her brother; her head falling to the side, resting on Harry’s shoulder.

An hour had passed while the siblings caught up, the woman making sure to incorporate Louis into the conversation when the boy tried to seem like he was watching TV, in reality keeping a careful eye on Harry and his sister, bickering affectionately. The scene made him quite moody, to be honest. He just missed his family, that’s all. He was immensely grateful for Harry who invited him over for Christmas, though. It would’ve been far worse without numerous distractions he had while in Cheshire.

Louis left the living room, excusing himself when his phone started buzzing in his pocked, announcing a video call from his oldest sister. It turned out to be his whole family, squeezed tightly to fit in the frame when they wished him a happy birthday, Christmas and asked questions about where the hell he was since they could tell it wasn’t his apartment.

He stood outside for quite a bit, ankles-deep in a smooth layer of snow nobody had a chance to disturb while he talked to his family, well… he mostly let them talk. A whole herd of women talking over each other and a pathetic silhouette of Lou’s stepfather, holding his only brother amid the craziness he was probably forced to participate in.

When the call, finally ended, bringing him a migraine as a gift, the boy smoked a cigarette and got back inside, his cheeks flushed profusely when hit with the warmth of the inside. 

Not that long later, there they were. Harry preparing the apples for the filling, Gemma taking upon herself making the pie crust from scratch while Louis did, well… nothing. He was promised a task of cutting out the shapes Gemma was going to top the pie with; she did not hide that using the cookie cutter was the only thing she could trust Tomlinson to do, at least for now. The boy bit down on a comment that she was probably right keeping him out of the kitchen, he was afraid that the honour of punching out stars out of the dough was going to be taken away from him.

“Oh, it smells so nice in here.” The whole three of them was startled by the voice of Anne who snuck into the living room unnoticed, the sounds of her car drowned by the music they were listening to, perhaps a bit too loud. Louis took upon himself lowering the volume, upbeat music from Gemma’s playlist still somewhat present when the girl got up to greet her mother.

Harry was right, as soon as his mother got back from work and had a chance to change into something more comfortable, she immediately went into the pre-Christmas craze. Using both of her children's arms, not that long later assigning smaller tasks for Louis also, after quite a lot of convincing that he was capable and very much eager to help. The boy was pretty positive that him saying that he would've felt more like at home if he was able to help was the last straw, emotional coercing always did the trick. Yeah, maybe Tomlinson was a bit guilty of playing dirty like that, but then, he only did that so he could help, get some work off the woman's hands so, at the end the weight of his guilt was levelled by the work he put in.

“This is the ugliest shit I’ve ever seen.” Gemma commented while she looked in amusement at Louis and Harry who were punching out the sugar cookies. Tomlinson took the only cutter in the shape of a Christmas tree, his partner felt like doing a tree as well. He was positive that his art background was all he needed to freehand the shape as if waiting those few seconds before the utensil was free again was too much of a hassle.

So there, he was. Presenting the questionable masterpiece, he cut out with a pairing knife. The shape loosely based on the cutter that was freed maybe ten seconds into his work. Loosely, because his tree was all lopsided, the triangles were in the wrong order, the biggest one somehow ending up in the middle, the top one was bizarrely obtuse.

“It’s a vanguard.” Anne ruffled her son’s hair as she looked at the creation. It sure was... something.

“Hope you’re doing better than this at that uni.” The sister still commented. “Look at that, perfect!” She pointed at the cookie Louis cut out, the praise made the boy smile just a bit as if it was any of his doing and he wasn’t only responsible for pushing a piece of tin into the dough. Harry caught the smile on his partner’s face, the smirk spreading onto his lips when he blinked at Lou affectionately.

"Gemma, the oven." The mother warned her daughter, and the appliance started beeping, announcing the end of blind-baking the pie crust. Louis tug along since all the cookies were already done. Harry put them into the oven, set the timer and stood behind Louis, discretely placing his fingertips on the boy's hips when they watched the sister remove dried beans, used as makeshift pie weights from the dish, filling the crust with the apple mixture which, in fact, tasted just the same even despite the supposedly 'sloppy' fruit cutting technique. They were still there, looking at Gemma's hands, much to her disapproval when the woman was placing the shapes Louis cut out from the leftover crust on top, creating a mesmerising design. 

Christmas tunes were flooding the downstairs of Harry’s home when all four of them was crammed in the kitchen, preoccupied with various projects. Even despite the music, all of them heard where the door flung open, more than that, a joyful voice of the man of the house who cheered his long-awaited holiday break.

Thankfully, Robin was not nearly as interested in the things happening in the kitchen. He only popped in, greeted everybody, exchanged a hug with his stepdaughter and moved to the living room. Not that there was enough space for him to stay either way. Decently-sized kitchen reached its capacity, any more people and it might’ve exploded. 

The father was reading a book in the living room, his head swinging to the sound of the music, all the essential hits were played through; “Last Christmas” returning for the third time by a special request of Gemma who put it on just to annoy her brother who delivered a whole lecture about how overplayed the song was just a few hours prior.

Somehow, the mother managed to get the kitchen table in check to serve the dinner she quickly prepared. Nothing too fancy, still tasty and solid enough to fill her husband and the kitchen staff.

“I’m going to kill myself!” Harry exclaimed when his sister made use of the fact that it was her phone they played the music off and yet again, replayed the song that Louis could feel pissing him off as well, he wasn’t one to complain though; especially that the irritation on his partner’s face amused him quite a bit and he didn’t even try to hide it, still remembering the way the brunette laughed at the panic in his eyes when they were almost caught naked in one of the upstairs bedrooms.

Nobody said anything at the dramatic reaction to the song everybody was sick of, even Gemma but the joy of pissing her brother off was much greater than borderline nausea caused by listening to the same chorus for god knows which time in a row.

Louis took upon himself loading the dishwasher after they’ve finished eating. When he was done, he slipped away to the backyard, taking a well-deserved cigarette break. He was so lost in the homey atmosphere, he didn’t even notice how much time had passed. His phone showing nine in the evening when he checked the messages. He responded to the birthday text which he got not a lot of. Just Niall and Dan, his stepdad who didn’t get a chance to speak during the call. There were two pictures attached to Dan’s message. Two, colourful birthday cards; carefully crafted by his youngest siblings with crayons on a printer paper. He wasn’t dumb enough to believe that either of twins was capable of writing ‘happy birthday LouLou' at the top of those cards, especially that it oddly enough resembled their mother's handwriting, but a wave of warmth flooded his entire body at the sight. Fuck, he really missed home.

When he won the battle against the tears that tried to embarrass him in front of Harry’s family, he hopped on his Facebook and liked the wishes from his co-workers, acquaintances and people he hasn’t seen in ages or didn’t even remember knowing.

Harry looked at Louis with a question painted in his expression when the boy re-entered the kitchen. The man was sitting at the kitchen table with his sister. Already in the process of uncapping various cookie-decorating devices when Tomlinson joined them, encouraged by Anne, who told him that she was pretty much done for the day. Instructing her son to tend to something she had going on in the oven and then left the kitchen, relaxing on the couch with her husband, watching some Christmas movie together.

"How did you do that?" Gemma asked, looking at the seamless gradient of colours on one of Harry's cookies. Brunette only did that to annoy his sister after seeing how she struggled to create those trendy marble-patterned cookies she could post on her Instagram. When the student succeeded, he came back to creating the staple, ugly ones even though calling them ugly was quite a reach. Louis' were more traditionally unattractive ones, to the point where they could pass as made by children. "Show off. Look at me, I'm Harry I'll be unemployed after school, but at least I know how to decorate cookies!" The woman mocked her brother, Harry's lips curving up at her irritation.

“I’m over this.” Louis sighed deeply when “Last Christmas” played for a fifth time during their decorating process. He put down the cookie he finished decorating and left the last one to be done by either of Styles siblings. The boy stretched his body in on the chair, fumbling with his phone, thoughtlessly opening the pictures he received from his stepdad yet again, his face beaming when he decoded even more intricacies included on the paper.

“What’s so funny?” Harry asked after he nudged Louis’ shin with his foot, successfully gaining the attention of the boy who did not have a reason why he shouldn’t show the brunette those birthday cards. He passed the phone to his partner, observing how his cheeks dimpled while he analysed the artworks. “Oh wow, this is… exceptional!” The man mocked. “True talent, they should get ready for that art scholarship.” He chuckled. “So cute.” He added when he gave back Louis’ phone.

Gemma looked at them, perhaps a bit offended that she wasn’t included in the conversation, hell, that she didn’t even know what it was about. Louis was just about to show her the cards, quite hesitant since he would expose the fact that it was his birthday when Harry stepped up to the occasion.

“Don’t be nosy!” He scolded his sister who got back to decorating the last cookie, not before she could make a case of rolling her brown eyes though.

An hour had passed before Louis and Harry were left in the kitchen. The taller one dry-rubbing the roast with his bare hands, humming “Last Christmas” under his nose but the younger guy wasn’t sure if he should bring that fact up or not, Styles looked like he wasn’t even aware of the melody seeping out of his nostrils.

“I’m so tired, that was quite a busy day. Sorry, you should’ve been relaxing… it’s your birthday.” Brunette sighed from above the piece of beef he covered with seasoning and wrapped in foil to soak the flavours up.

"I had so much fun, though." Louis smiled when the evening played out in his memory. Yeah, it was chaotic, and it sure was busy, but he wouldn't trade it for anything else, well… aside of actually seeing his family. 

“Yeah, I saw you out there… stealing hearts left and right.” Harry winked at his companion when he put the meat back into the fridge, pulling the cake Anne asked him to tend to out of the oven right after, leaving it on the counter when he finally could leave the kitchen. “You’re a real charmer, told you they’d love you.” The man leaned just a bit and pressed his lips to Louis’; the kiss sweet from the remainder of icing which the student consumed quite a bit of, the behaviour quite shocking considering how big of a sugar hater he claimed to be.

"Are we finished here? I need to go to sleep... Soon." The boy emphasised the last word. Harry only nodded and hung the tea towel he had previously thrown over his shoulder on the handle of the oven. 

Brunette took Tomlinson’s hand and pulled him to the table so he could slip one of the cookies they forgot to cover for the night.

“Don’t you like hate sugar or something?” The boy asked a question he had the intention of asking numerous times already.

“It’s Christmas!” Harry rolled his eyes, biting into the cookie which Gemma liked so much, devouring the treat before his sister could post it on Instagram and take the credit for it. He left Louis there when he fetched something to cover the cookies with. When he arrived, he found his companion taking a picture of the plate. “You too?” Styles sighed with a bored look on his face. “What are you, some Instagram personality who I failed to recognise?”

“They’re cute, I like to keep memories like that.” The boy shrugged, opening his gallery, scrolling down for a bit before he found a picture, he wanted to show Harry. “See? I made those two.” He pointed on two cookies, similar to the ones they just finished making on the picture of a batch he made with his family just a year prior.

“Aw.” The man cooed at the sight.

“And while we’re at it…” Tomlinson started scrolling back up. “Would you, please, care to explain what the fuck is this?” The boy tapped on the photo Harry took earlier that day.

“Maybe I like to keep memories too? Did you think about that, LouLou?” Brunette asked, smug smirk bending his lips when he was caught. Well, it’s not like he didn’t see that coming considering that he left the picture on Lou’s phone.

“Or maybe you’re a massive creep?” The boy squinted his eyes, his façade quickly broken by a sweet smile.

“Maybe, guess you’ll never know.” Harry shrugged when he grazed the top of his palm over his boyfriend’s cheek. “Heading up?” The man asked, sweeping the kitchen with his gaze to make sure he did everything that was to be done.

“I need a smoke first.” Louis dodged his companion on his way to the back door, slipping his hands into the puffy coat, taking a cigarette out before he even left. “Wait for me upstairs?” The boy asked, a hopeful note in his voice; quite silly considering that Harry literally had nowhere else to be than upstairs.

“I’ll be in the shower. You can either join me… or wait till I’m finished.” He shrugged when he saw the uncertainty painted on Lou’s face at the thought of sharing a shower when three other people were still in the house.

“Sure thing.” The boy winked at the brunette and left the building, frosty blows stinging his skin the second he stepped outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, a bit short but sweet.  
>  Hope you've enjoyed and I encourage you to leave some feedback after you've finished reading, regardless if it's positive or constructive criticism.  
>  Sorry about skipping the main Christmas event, I'm an avid Holidays hater and to be completely honest didn't feel like getting into the spirit in the middle of February :(  
>  As always thank you for taking your time to read and sticking with me through the story, any questions or updates on my twitter account @gerardisonfire


	6. Chapter 6

“ _Busy day at work? Missing you._ " Harry typed on his mobile and sent the message to Louis, who was in the middle of his shift.

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore if you’re like that.” Zayn sighed and took a sip of his beer which proved to be quite tricky due to the way he shook his head in faux disappointment. They were sitting in a bar after they’ve escaped Harry’s apartment, how much time can you spend in a small studio until you get sick of it? Not that much actually.

"You love to complain, don't you?" A deep laugh escaped Styles' gut. "First that I'm single, now that I'm not, it seems like a problem also. Let me live, let's count how many people have I seen you go through? How many honeymoon phases?" Harry squeezed his palm in a fist, slowly unfolding the fingers like he was counting, the sheer horror depicted on his friend's face made him laugh even more.

“No, no!” Malik slapped the hand, four out of five fingers unfolded, still haven’t finished counting. “I’m happy for you man, I’m just thinking that maybe you’re rushing into this.” The taller one rolled his eyes but still paid attention to what his friend was saying. “I get that in this twisted, old-fashioned noggin of yours you’re probably already planning the wedding but it doesn’t work like that. It maybe did like sixty years ago, not anymore.” Malik shrugged.

"I don't know. There might be some truth to what you're saying. We took a fast pace and are running with this thing but to be honest… it just feels right." A waitress solidified in front of their booth with beers they ordered a few minutes ago.

“Is there something I can help you guys out with?” The small brunette asked them, her eyes focused on Zayn, her lashes fluttering aggressively.

“We’re good for now, we’ll let you know if we could use your assistance, thank you.” The brown-eyed man murmured and smiled at the girl, her face blushed from the slither of attention a hot guy has given her.

Harry’s phone buzzed on the tabletop, his arm bolted to get the device smiling like a fool before he even got to unlocking his phone.

“ _Not that busy actually, have a lot of time to think about my boyfriend_ ” A winky face replaced the dot at the end of a sentence. “ _What are you up to?_ ” Another message received as he was still smiling at the previous one.

“ _I’m in a bar with Zayn. Drinking because I miss you too much._ ”

"When's the wedding, Cinderella?" Zayn laughed at his friend's behaviour; he has never seen him like that. Harry in love, was annoying, cute, but annoying.

“I’ll give you a call when it happens, I’m going to need a best man.”

“If it happens.” His friend corrected him.

“When.” Styles smiled and put his phone back on the table.

"This is what you get when your friend is basically a chick with a dick." Malik pressed his head to the table, he was done with Harry's shit for the day, needed a moment to compose himself, or he'd strangle this guy on sight.

"Shush." Louis silenced his boyfriend's giggles that came out of nowhere when he saw him. Harry let himself into the apartment Tomlinson shared with his friend, and they bolted to boy's bedroom, locking the door after they've entered.

“I feel naughty, all secretive and stuff.” Brunette pinned his partner’s body to the door, placing heated kisses on his neck. Louis jumped and wrapped his legs around Harry’s hips in a tight squeeze, climbing even higher onto his boyfriend savouring the bitter taste of lager lingering in his mouth.

“You’re drunk.” The smaller one smiled into the kiss, feeling big palms squeezing his bum, unexpected touch making him squeal, the sound muffled by Harry’s lips.

“On you.” Brunette murmured as he brought them to the bed, Louis straddling his thigs. “And booze, but mostly you. I’ve missed you.”

“You haven’t seen me what twenty-six hours?” Lou’s hips rolled, pressed hard against his boyfriend’s hardening dick.

“You didn’t miss me?” Harry pouted his lips, he couldn’t keep his act for long, feeling his partner’s teeth pinching the skin on his neck. “I forgot how pretty you were.” Styles sniffled the scent of Lou's shampoo. “The prettiest. God, you smell so good.”

Louis stuck his heated lips to his man's; their tongues fiddling with one another, small hand palming brunette’s crotch, trying to use the short time they had as efficient as possible.

“You should be asleep right now.” Tomlinson heard as he kissed his way down his boyfriend’s chest, a small patch of hair between his nipples tickling his upper lip.

“I have better things to do right now.” The boy chuckled. “Very busy, can’t you see?”

“I’d rather have you asleep, I’m keeping you up.” The older one complained as his eyelids shut, he raised his hips to ease his lover’s struggle to take his pants off.

“You kept me up whether you were here or not. It’s weird not having you here all the time.” Tomlinson confessed as he came back to Harry’s lips.

“Oh, how quick us humans get used to good things.” Brunette hummed and pressed his boyfriend onto the mattress, slim wrists held down with Styles' hand above boy’s head. “I hope you’re as riled up as I am.” A shiver travelled through Lou’s body when Harry groped him, the vibration was the only affirmation he needed. “Get on your knees, I need to eat.”

“Would you PLEASE stop saying that.” Louis sighed since it was not the first time his boyfriend used this sentence, not the first time he was asked to stop either.

“Never.” The brunette laughed and knelt on the floor next to the bed, Louis kneeling right on the edge of it, legs spread just enough to give his man access. 

Harry pressed his tongue to boy's opening, and he heard a squeal muffled by Lou's closed lips, always as surprised with the sensation as for the first time. You would think that after third, maybe fifth time being eaten out, he would get used to the feeling of a wet tongue on his rim but no. That didn't happen even though Styles had been treated to his new favourite activity a lot during the Holidays in his family home, something especially exciting in the possibility of getting caught in the process.

“Fuck.” Louis whispered as he felt the second finger slipping inside, heavily lubricated to give him the most pleasure. He got more and more comfortable with the feeling, the first time he was completely still, letting his man do whatever he wanted to do, scared to even flinch. Now he was more and more adventurous, rolling his hips, riding the fingers as he pleased.

“Are we getting there?” Harry asked between the licks he’s been gifting his kneeling boyfriend with; he felt the way his partner’s muscles were pulsating around his tongue announcing incoming orgasm. The taste of artificial strawberry slightly decreasing the delight he felt when pleasuring his lover, the sight of his shaking, substantial thigs making up for it though.

“Yuh.” The boy whimpered and pushed his hips down, trying to get Harry deeper.

“Bite me today.” Styles reached his arm to his boyfriend. “Hard.” He pleaded and quickened the pace he was pushing into Louis with. Tomlinson held his man’s hand, pressing his lips to the wrist as he shuddered, his legs going limp when he felt the ultimate pleasure. He clenched his jaw around the side of his boyfriend's wrist, digging into soft skin until he felt a metallic taste of blood in his mouth, just as his cock drained all over the yellow blanket he was kneeling on.

"I hate this." Styles complained, holding the lube bottle when he dropped on his back, his knees aching from the time he spent on them. Louis was still on all fours, dripping on the blanket, panting heavily. "Tastes like cough syrup." 

"I thought the taste would help." Tomlinson admitted and laid on his side, facing his boyfriend.

“Why? I love the way you taste.” The taller one smiled at the circular, red mark on his wrist. A perfect copy of Louis’ jaws, on his skin, blood pooling in some of the indentations. A few sticking out from the straight arch as a reminder of Louis’ small, crooked teeth, the same ones Harry adored so much.

“I’m sorry.” The boy glanced at the wound he left on his boyfriend’s wrist, even deeper than he left on himself.

“Don’t be sorry, silly.” Brunette dragged his fingers alongside his man’s spine. “It’s hot.”

“You really are a serial killer, huh?” Louis sighed. “What am I going to do with you now?” He asked, suggestively hanging his eyes on Harry’s throbbing cock.

“Nothing, you’re going to sleep.” The man murmured and pressed a sweet kiss to Louis’ palm, the boy still uncomfortable with joining lips after being eaten out.

The student got up from the bed and folded the fluffy blanket dirtied by his man. He dropped it near the door and returned to his boyfriend.

“What about this? You can’t just pretend it’s not there.” Tomlinson asked, pointing at the boner when Harry was putting his pants back on.

“We’re going to deal with that tomorrow. I like the anticipation.” Styles fixed his messy hair and shoved the lube bottle back into the drawer, creating a mental note to buy something different. The awful chemical taste clashing with the reminder of Louis on his tongue.

“Can I ask you something?” Lou sat on the edge of the bed, his feet dangling in the air.

“You just did.” A silent laugh met with the small one rolling eyes. “Go on.”

“What are you doing on New Year’s Eve?” Blue eyes plastered to the floor beneath Harry’s socked feet.

“I don’t have plans. Why? You want to take me to a rave or something?” Brunette squatted in front of Louis, he grabbed his dangling palms and joined their fingers.

“I wanted to take you to Doncaster. To meet my mom.” The boy admitted, something in the shape of embarrassment clouding his face.

“I would love to. I was a bit bummed out when you told me you won’t be here. Wanted to get that New Year’s kiss.” Harry smiled sweetly, making Louis’ lips curve as well. “Friends?” Styles asked, making sure they’re still on the same page with the whole best mate thing.

“I’m sorry.” Tomlinson’s face fell. Harry hated to see him like that. He didn’t mind keeping their relationship secret from people, he understood that his man is not ready, it was a huge thing. He still got to tell two of the most important people in his life, he was okay with not going public. There was something very romantic about the whole secret romance thing, he enjoyed that.

"Don't do that, I love having our little secret. I love you." Louis' face brightened; his hand squeezed Harry's tighter in a gesture that they both already acknowledged as a silent declaration of love. "Now, hop in. It's late enough." The boy slid under the sheets his man lifted for him and hugged the pillow. He never was a hugger type, but he got used to falling asleep wrapped around his boyfriend's chest when they were back in Holmes Chapel, and there was no going back now. The pillow nowhere near as comfortable as Harry's chest, falling up and down rhythmically as he breathed but it was the next best thing and Styles was already leaving.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Louis whispered as Harry was pressing his ear to the door, trying to assess if Niall hasn't woken up while he was over. He obviously shouldn't, it was two in the morning, and as brunette established already during his late-night visits, that man was a deep sleeper, but you never know.

"How about…" Styles knelt near the bed, his eyes level with Louis'. "After work, you just pack your bags, tell Niall you're going home earlier and just come to me instead?" He murmured, the thought very appealing to both of them. "We'll go out to see a movie, I'll cook something nice, we'll cuddle till we both fall asleep and, in the morning, we'll make pancakes and go to Donny?" Harry put the last word in pretend quotation marks making fun of his boyfriend and his accent, an accent he could listen to till he dies.

“I’ll think about it…” Lou rubbed his chin as if he was having problems making the decision. “Yes.” He nodded aggressively, his eyes glittering.

“So it’s on. A sleepover.” Styles smiled for the last time and took a mental picture of his boyfriend, trying to keep him like that forever in his mind. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. Love you.”

"See you tomorrow." Louis answered, and Harry walked away, taking the blanket with him. In a few silent steps, he found himself in the bathroom, tossed the yellow fabric into the hamper and left the room. He took one last glance at Zayn’s painting, now hanging above the couch, doing a splendid job of making the space less generic.

Harry turned around on the heel of his foot, and as he was unlocking the door, in the corner of his eye, he caught movement. The door to Louis' flatmate's bedroom opened, a silhouette standing in the darkness. Niall looked at him disoriented, silent since he recognised the person that was leaving his apartment.

Panicked, Styles left without saying anything, cursing himself out in his mind for his stupidity. HE SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT. He shouldn’t have wandered around the living room as a dumbass. He should have just headed straight to the exit, not stumbling for a second. Nothing would happen if he did that.

And now it was over, he fucked everything up for Louis. He almost cried, strutting the street in an unknown direction, feeling so guilty for the boy who was probably already asleep, unaware of the storm he was going to face as he wakes up from his slumber. Everything because of his boyfriend that was a complete idiot.

“What are you doing in here?” Zayn asked as he opened the front door of his apartment. Harry standing before him, shaken up. His wet hair dripping on the doormat. “Jesus, come in.” The friend let the taller man pass him and ran to the bathroom to get a towel. “You’re soaked, did you walk here? What happened?” Yeah, he walked. Unable to focus on anything besides the fact how big of an imbecile he was.

It was four in the morning when Zayn was struggling to get his friend undressed, his body shivering from the cold.

“Pants, off.” He commandeered and surprisingly the man complied, unbuckling his belt, letting the tan material fall to his ankles. Zayn draped a blanket over his friend’s body and sat him down on the armchair. “Where have you been? You reek of booze. And what the hell is that?” Friend asked, his eyes plastered to the wound on Styles' wrist.

Harry still hasn't said a word, sitting in his friend’s living room, his body started coming back up to a normal temperature.

"What's the story? Where did you get so plastered?" Zayn pushed, trying to get any sort of information from his friend was exhausting. It was four in the morning, he wanted to go back to sleep, but his best mate needed him, so he stepped up to the occasion.

“I fucked up, Zayn.” Harry finally spoke. “I fucked up so bad.”

“What happened? You broke up?” The tattooed man tried to make sense of Styles’ words.

"Not yet." He sighed. "Soon, probably." Another cryptic message came out of his lips.

“You’re either telling me what happened or I’m going back to bed.” Zayn threatened.

“His mate saw me leaving. I didn’t go straight out as I should have and he woke up.” Styles confessed, his voice becoming weak right in the middle of a sentence.

“And?” An irritated note in Malik’s voice manifested when the reason Harry woke him up turned out to be so minor.

“Louis is not out. We don’t know how Niall feels about gays, I fucked everything up.” Harry finally looked up at his friend.

“You didn’t do anything. He was probably half asleep, he won’t remember any of this.”

“You think? What if he does?”

“He can either be an asshole that will kick Louis out, which I think wouldn’t be the worst thing for both of you.” Corners of Harry’s lips curved upwards just a little at the thought. “Or he won’t say anything. How close are those guys?” Zayn asked, trying to think about how he would act in a situation like this one.

“Pretty close. You and me close, I think.”

"Then they will be alright, don't sweat it. They will either have a little chat, or he'll just say nothing. Neither of those worth giving yourself pneumonia over.” Harry sighed, maybe he was overreacting? It was just that he saw Louis as this small, fragile creature that needed to be protected from every bad thing in this world. “Worst case scenario you’d be getting a roommate.”

“What if he’s mad at me?”

“Why would he be mad? You didn’t do this on purpose, did you?” Styles shook his head, droplets of rainwater sliding onto the furniture around him. “You can’t invite your boyfriend to have sex in a bedroom sharing a wall with your flatmate’s and expect nothing to happen.” Malik scoffed, dim light from a lamp highlighting smug smile on his face. “If he hasn’t seen that coming… he’s just stupid.”

“He’s not stupid.” Harry snapped at his friend. Maybe the man didn’t deserve that, but he was tired of hearing how stupid his boyfriend was; Louis was the one who constantly put himself down like that even though Styles always said how he hates when he does that.

“Okay, he’s not. Chill.” Zayn rubbed his tired eyes. “When do I get to meet him?”

“Soon.” The taller one got up from his seat. “I need to go.” He started picking up his soaked clothes, trying to slide right leg into the pants, losing his balance a few times.

“You can crash in here.” Malik proposed, brought a change of clothes from his dresser and handed it to his friend who started putting them on immediately.

“No, I have to go.” Styles insisted, fully clothed. Zayn’s joggers leaving his ankles bare.

“Let me get you an Uber.” The shorter man said and ordered a ride for his friend. “He’ll be here in four minutes. Silver Honda Civic.”

"Silver, okay. Sorry for… this." He said, guilty; he still felt uneasy about getting caught in Louis' apartment, but now, he could see that maybe he truly overreacted.

“That’s what bros are for.” Zayn shut the door after his friend left and stood in front of his window until he saw Harry getting into the car which he ordered to pick him up. Only then, sure of Styles’ safety, he went back to bed.

-

"What's in them?" Louis asked glancing at the tray of dumplings, ready to be boiled.

“Well, it depends.” Harry set his boyfriend's travel bag next to the entrance. “There are some with pear and blue cheese, some of them have a potato, cream cheese and onion filling and there’s some with leeks and chicken.”

“All of them sound awful.” The boy deadpanned; he looked at his man's creation with something in a shape of disgust painted on his face.

“Sorry, should’ve made some with chicken nuggets.” Brunette smirked and approached his boyfriend. Tomlinson smiled when he saw a streak of blue paint on his lover's nose. “How’s your day so far?”

“It keeps getting better and better.” The boy pressed his fingers to Harry’s cheek, looking deep into those eyes he loved so much. He let himself hang in there for a bit, looking at the veins of pure gold shining, surrounded by the pale green. But there was something different about those eyes, starting with the fact they were horribly blood-shot.

“You haven’t slept well, have you?” The taller one shook his head, his soft curls tossing around his head until he stopped. “Do you want to stay in? We could just cuddle and rest.” The shorter guy proposed and snuggled his boyfriend, arms wrapping around him, his cheek nuzzled against Harry’s clothed chest, making the student feel safe, at last.

“No, we’re going to see a movie. I’m taking you out to get dinner after.” Styles insisted, his stubbornness disappointing his companion just a little, the thought of staying in incredibly tempting.

“What are we seeing?” A question muffled by Harry’s shirt, first five buttons undone.

“I don’t know, you’ll pick something.” The man shrugged; the movie choice was the last thing he was concerned about.

“What are we eating?” Another question, this time more up Harry’s alley.

“I want spring rolls.”

Not even two hours later, they were sitting in a dark room filled with comfortable chairs, a bucket of popcorn in Louis' hand, halfway done even though the movie hasn't even started yet. They were seeing "Moonlight", a movie that the ticket seller recommended to them for obvious reasons as it later turned out.

The biggest advantage was the fact that there were maybe four other groups in the whole room, everybody who wanted to see the movie already did that since it was its last week in the cinemas. They were sitting at the top, closest people sitting five rows down from them.

The darkness surrounding them in combination with the fact that he slept for three hours the night prior, put Harry to sleep mere minutes after the movie started. Louis noticed that his boyfriend dozed off, but had no intention of waking him up after seeing how tired he was.

The boy hated the movie, it was really good, but the topics raised in it hit too close to home, by the middle of the projection he had cried his eyes out at least three times, placing his palm over Harry's, looking for comfort but also trying not to wake him up since explaining his thoughts was the last thing he wanted to do. He wasn't even sure if he could do that in a way his partner would understand, especially when he was so confused himself.

"It's time to go, baby." Louis whispered into Harry's ear when everybody left the room, Styles officially sleeping through the entire séance. The brunette opened his eyes and rubbed them with his fists, trying to rub away the sleepiness.

"I'm sorry, I'm the worst." He apologised.

"Don't worry, we should've stayed home." Tomlinson smiled bitterly, and they went down the stairs to the exit, the taller one stumbling a bit since his brain hasn't fully woken up yet.

“You didn’t like the movie?”

"No." Louis simply answered. Harry saw something unusual in those blue eyes as they found themselves in a lit corridor, but he couldn't quite put the finger on what it was.

“Okay, now food? Where do you want to eat?” The taller one asked, tripping over his own feet right after, stumbling for a second until he managed to regain his balance.

“Home. I want to go home.” The boy looked around to make sure nobody’s looking as his man got a bit close.

"Did something happen? Are you mad that I fell asleep?" Harry's tone seemed panicked as he kept Tomlinson's pace, trying not to invade his personal space.

"No, I just... I'm having second thoughts about that whole taking you home idea." Louis admitted as they were on the escalator, taking them to the underground parking. He was surprised how easy it came to him to say that he was thinking about the trip the whole day. At first, he was excited, but the whole movie debacle had shifted his mood entirely.

“Oh…” A little sigh slipped out of Harry’s mouth, visible disappointment painted on his face. “We can wait, I’ll just stay home.”

“Please, don’t be mad at me.” Louis pleaded as he sat in the passenger’s seat of his own car, he hated driving so much he just let Harry do the job when he got the chance.

“I’m not mad, I’m just a bit disappointed… I was looking forward to that midnight kiss.” Brunette pressed his lips together, an expression reminiscent of a smile; a smile he could not get himself to produce at the moment. He wasn’t necessarily mad, not sad either. He was worried, what was the thing that changed Louis’ mind like that? Was it the movie?

“I promise you a New Year’s kiss next year.” Styles felt his boyfriend’s hand squeezing his thigh in a comforting gesture. “It will all be over in a year.”

"I'm ready whenever you are." They exchanged sombre smiles, both bummed out with the realisation that they will be apart for the next four days.

“I don’t want you to be alone on Saturday.” Tomlinson sighed. “I’m such an asshole for doing this, the worst.”

"Stop." The driver snapped. "I will go over to Zayn's, he's doing something at his place, I won't be alone." He lied, knowing damn well he's not going to be attending his friend's party. "I love you, don't put yourself down like that, I hate when you do that." The student cursed himself out silently when he realised this was the first time he's lied to his boyfriend since they became serious. It was for the peace of his mind though, maybe at least a bit excusable.

“Let’s just go home.” The boy sat back in his seat. “I need to enjoy you for a bit before I go.”

"Buckle up." Tomlinson complied, and Harry turned the key in the ignition only when he heard a click of the seatbelt.

They were driving in silence broken only by the radio playing some romantic rock ballads the younger one liked so much.

“Fine! I’ll try your stupid dumplings.” Lou sighed after countless minutes of the cook pleading him to do so. “Which are the chicken ones? They don’t sound as bad.”

“Open up, here comes the plane!” Styles laughed and pinched a small, slippery shape between his thumb and index finger; his boyfriend’s lips falling open to receive his man’s culinary creation.

“They taste better than they sound like they would.” Louis admitted as he chewed.

“Next flavour?”

“Please, but not the blue cheese one.” This time one of the dumplings was stabbed with the prongs of a fork and brought to Lou's mouth.

“Why won’t you try the last one?” Frustrated tone manifested in Styles’ voice. He knew they were good, his attempts at broadening his man’s culinary horizons were going well until blue cheese has entered the chat.

“The idea of blue cheese is repulsive. Why would you want to eat mouldy food? No way.” Louis laid on the couch, his feet pressed to the wall above it, nearly knocking off a painting that was hung above the sofa.

"Fine, but now that you liked the other ones would you, please eat some more?" Harry got off the couch, leaving his plate on the table. He approached the tray of cooked dumplings and picked out ten, careful not to plate any of the blue cheese ones.

“If you’ve slipped one of the gross ones, I swear to god I will shave your fucking head while you sleep.” The man snorted at the unexpected hostile tone, now really hoping he didn’t mess the order up.

"You're insane." The boy took the plate and started eating, still suspicious, carefully opening every single dumpling to make sure Harry didn't do him dirty. He didn't really think he would, but on the outside, his creations looked the same, regardless of the filling so he could make a mistake, right?

“I have a little present for your mother ready.” Styles confessed as he washed their empty plates. None of the adventurous dumplings thankfully made it onto Louis’ one.

"What a charming little boy... wanted to impress your man's mother?" Tomlinson laughed, his feet on the coffee table.

“I just thought it would be nice. And I already had this, and yes.” The boy snorted as his man retrieved a familiar painting, now framed in birchwood, showcasing every single shade of pink imaginable.

“Oh my god, you’re so cute. She would love that.” Tomlinson found his way to the taller man and wrapped his arms around his neck, pressing small kisses to his jawline.

“You can still take it. I want her to have it.” A faint smile curved his plump lips. “You can say your friend did this, or that you bought it for all I care.”

“I’m going to tell her that my boyfriend painted it.” He wanted to tell his mother; he never kept any secrets from her. The thing he had going with Harry, while crazy, was still, undeniably the most serious relationship he has ever been in. The first man in his life.

He wanted to take Harry home so much, he was just worried that he wouldn’t be able to keep the friendship act in front of everybody else. He got way too whipped around his boyfriend, there was no way his sisters wouldn’t know.

“Now that I think about it…” He distanced himself from the man who gave him a disoriented look. “I’m going to need a proper picture of you to show off the beautiful hunk I’m dating.” The boy winked.

"Should I change?" Harry asked, and while Louis thought he was joking, his expression told him that he wasn't.

“You look just fine.” Tomlinson smiled and took a picture of his boyfriend, the painting next to him. “We don’t want her to fall in love.” Lou approached the man and buttoned two more slots in his shirt, walking back and snapping another pic.

Then he started fiddling with Harry’s shirt once again, this time opening it completely, showcasing man’s chest.

“Now this one’s for me.” The man smiled as Louis took the picture, more from his genuine reaction to his behaviour than posing.

“You’re crazy, I love you so much.” Styles laughed, his boyfriend’s blue eyes squinting with a smile.

"Me too." He admitted, and Harry's heart jumped up to his throat. It wasn't much, but it was bigger than anything else that boy had said before, a true milestone in their relationship. It was the first time Louis had said he loved his boyfriend, the first time he said it when he didn't think Harry was fast asleep, there was a couple of those times too.

“Oh, you do?” Styles took the phone from the delicate palm and tossed it onto the couch, soft pillows making sure nothing happens to the device.

“Let me think… Do I?” Louis mocked as he was pushed to the bed by Harry’s tall body, falling onto the hard mattress a few seconds later. “Hmm…” He hummed into his boyfriend’s mouth, now pressed against his, their tongues rubbing against each other led by passion. 

Both of them trying to keep every moment in the memory, it was hard to focus on the pleasure when they both knew they wouldn't see each other for four days. It didn't seem like much, but you could have a lot of sex in four days, and they were so hot for each other that they had A LOT of sex, whenever they got the chance.

“Yum.” Harry got up from his knees as his boyfriend yet again shot his load into his mouth. Louis sighed deeply, beads of sweat covering his naked body.

It took him some time to compose himself after a particularly strong orgasm he was gifted by his boyfriend, but then he was ready for the next round.

Harry sat back on his bed, still fully dressed as he was the one who fiddled with Louis’ body. He didn’t mind, he loved pleasuring his boyfriend, getting drunk on boy’s reactions to his touch, never getting sick of the taste of his man.

Louis straddled him, rubbing his round bottom onto his man’s erection, leaving wet lube stains on his pants. He effortlessly undressed Harry’s shirt, throwing it behind, now fidgeting with an unruly belt buckle, resisting his impatient tugs.

"Come on, fuck." He cursed, and the buckle released, leaving the pants loose enough to slip down his boyfriend's hips. "Hello, big guy." Brunette chuckled deeply at the greeting, Louis palmed him through his underwear, his erection as big as it ever got, craving the attention it was getting. "Someone's on edge, huh?" The smaller one teased him as he clung to his boyfriend's lips, his hips still rolling, ass grinding on the bulge.

“What a naughty boy we have here today.” Harry moaned into his lover's mouth. He noticed the gradual rise of confidence his man was exuding since he started pleasuring him, each time praising every single of his features. This time was different, Louis was particularly wild, his confidence sky-rocketed, he was touching his man like he never touched him before, making it very hard on Harry not to come into his boxers since he was edging for three nights already.

“A very hungry boy.” Harry chuckled as his partner used the term, he claimed to hate the most. He didn’t get the chance to remind him of that as he was already sliding down his chest, leaving a wet trail after his lips. He was already at the height of Styles' second set of nipples, different from the original ones but the man still insisted they were nipples. His hand groping his man’s crotch, making his body ache for more.

He slid even lower, savouring his brunette’s smell, especially strong by the patch of hair covering his navel, tickling Louis’ nostrils as he inhaled sharply to get the most of man's own, personal fragrance; intensified by droplets of sweat that started appearing on the surface of his skin, hotter than it ever was before.

And then he slid the boxers off, Styles’ hard cock sprung up, almost hitting Louis’ surprised face.

“Hello, buddy.” He whispered as he grabbed the base of the length and started jerking it off slowly, in his regular fashion making his man’s lids drop closed, little moans seeping through bruised, plump lips. 

But then he opened his eyes surprised at the sensation between his spread legs. Louis’ nose pressed into his groin, another sharp inhale, the boy’s own erection started rising again, completely ignored since it was Harry’s time. It was rarely Harry’s time since the man always insisted on making Louis happy.

Brunette observed surprised, yet delighted as his boyfriend was venturing into unknown depths of his body, placing small licks around the base of his cock, mimicking the moves he's been using. It was excellent, a bit sloppy since it was the first time Louis ever blew a guy, but there was great potential in those small lips of his.

“Fuck, yes, yes, yes.” Harry moaned as Louis slid the wet tip into his hot mouth, his face flinching at the unknown taste of precum collected around Styles’ tip. When he got used to the fleshy taste of his boyfriend’s dick, he proceeded to push him deeper, not forgetting about the weird tongue dance his lover always did around his cock that made him go haywire.

"Are you okay?" Louis was asked in a wispy voice as he got a little carried away and gagged on his boyfriend's length. He didn't respond, just proceeded with fondling his man's most intimate parts. "You better stop, I'm almost there." Harry warned Tomlinson, and he slid the throbbing erection out of his mouth, still not quite ready for the whole swallowing debacle. 

He just knelt between his man's thigs, leaned over him and did something that always seemed incredibly hot to him when he watched porn. He pressed both of their cocks together, so different but at the same time similar. The biggest thing in common that they were both about to burst.

Louis started rubbing both of the lengths at once, Harry didn’t know if he was supposed to focus on their dicks pressed together or his boyfriend’s face as he entered a whole another dimension of pleasure.

And there it was, fast tugs on their pulsating cocks made them come almost at the same time. Louis following his boyfriend right after he climaxed, the sight of his man spilling all over his hand, cum smearing on both of their lengths pushing him over the edge, his own seed mixed with Harry’s.

"What possessed you today, Tomlinson?" Harry panted, his boyfriend laying right next to him, admiring the mess he made.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He shrugged and dragged his finger alongside his lover's collarbone.

“Do you want anything to drink? I’m thirsty.” Styles got off the bed, his boyfriend shifted on his side, arms folded in front of him.

"I bet you are." He joked. "No, I'm okay. Thank you, though." Harry downed an entire glass of cold water while he was at the sink, pouring another one for later.

He approached the bed again, ready for a little cuddling session when he bent over and took out his polaroid camera, snapping a quick pic of Louis laying like that, distracted. He looked… Harry didn’t even have words to describe it; his boyfriend’s skin flushed, exposed on the mismatched sheets, contrasting with his pale skin.

“Hey! What’s that?” Louis emerged from his thoughts, the camera already laying back on the desk, a picture developing right beside it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Harry mocked him and hopped behind his boyfriend, taking the position of a big spoon, his left hand brushing through Louis’ messy hair.

Lou tried to leave the bed without disturbing his boyfriend, but Harry still moved when he slid out from his embrace, thankfully he just rolled on his other side but didn't wake up. 

It was nine in the evening already, he got a bit bummed out that they lost those three hours sleeping while he wanted to enjoy his boyfriend all of this time, creating new memories he could keep for later.

It was shower time. While he really enjoyed taking those with his man, he was not going to wait for him to wake up, he felt disgusting. He helped himself with a towel and hopped into the shower, ordering food right before. 

He let the hot water wash away the grime of the day that slipped off his body with the suds of Harry’s fruity soap, a treat after constantly using the one he shared with his roommate in an unidentified “MAN” scent. Such a straight thing of him to do, right? Obviously, the whole fucking brand of it was focused on being straight, the term put right in the name.

He was such a straight little boy, wasn’t he? The only thing that didn’t match that image was the way he craved his boyfriend’s dick, his tongue drilling into Lou's asshole as he begged for more. Yeah, but apart from that? A perfectly straight, generally accepted by society specimen. A guy that will soon find a wife, get her pregnant and help her raise their bubbly kids together when he's off work… 

Oh, how many times he dreamed about being just like that, normal. Not deviated in a way he was deviated in. No matter how many times he pushed himself into a relationship with a woman, in his mid-teens especially, it was nowhere near as passionate as the thing he had with Harry. Just him and a friend he loved. Loved, but not in a way he should love his girlfriend, no passion whatsoever, at least from his side, leaving her hurt afterwards. 

And then he stopped dating at all, his last relationship ended when he was seventeen; this whole dating thing was something he was not accustomed to, that’s why he felt stupid when his lack of experience manifested in front of his boyfriend. Harry was the most understanding person he ever knew, not even once he made fun of the boy, always told him how he loved teaching him everything but deep down, Lou still felt dumb, rarely talking about it since the way he put himself down turned out to be his man’s biggest trigger.

And then Louis broke, again. He did that often when he was alone. Constantly since he fell in love. He was filled with so much conflicted emotions. The love he felt for that guy, contrasting with the sheer disgust he felt for himself, his entire part of the community, which of course, included the man who was giving him so much happiness. 

He felt so fucking guilty, despising himself even more because the worse he thought of himself, the same treatment applied to Harry. To his boyfriend who was the single kindest person walking on this earth, not a single bad bone in his body. Where did all of that come from? Who planted in his head the seed of this internalised homophobia that manifested so loudly, ever since his doubt about his sexual orientation stopped being just a doubt?\

It didn’t come from his home, his mother raised him better than that. In Tomlinson’s house, there was never any hatred towards any community. All of the children raised in the belief that everybody’s equal, no matter their skin colour, religious beliefs or even sexual orientation. As long as the person wasn’t doing anything bad, they were to be accepted and supported, definitely not singled-out.

And yet, Louis ended up like this, damaged. Repulsed by the man he grew up to be, disgusted by the way he felt about his boyfriend.

He was sitting in the bathtub, his knees pressed to his chest, hands wrapped around them, holding in a tight embrace. His whole body shaking as he cried out silently, praying that his man doesn't find him like that. He never wanted him to know about those frequent breakdowns he experienced, it would've killed him knowing how uneasy his Louis was about this whole gay issue. Water that was still pouring down his naked body helped him to compose himself, he had to get out eventually.

He spent at least half an hour in the shower before he felt like he was ready to show his face to his man, in case he woke up. He grabbed a yellow toothbrush Harry gave him when he arrived at his place earlier, his boyfriend all giddy with the idea of the sleepover. He brushed his teeth aggressively, trying to completely undo the disgusting act he committed over three hours prior. Trying to rid of the taste of his man’s cock, his rough strokes resulting in red strings of blood mixed with foam he spat out. The moral dilemma of his action still as present as before. 

Louis sighed when he looked at his reflection in the mirror, his dead, blood-shot eyes especially concerning, so very much unusual. At least that’s what Harry thought, never really had a chance to see his boyfriend like that. He rinsed his face with cold water, hoping it would help with puffiness around his eyes, it didn’t. Oh well…

The door was kicked open, and Lou found himself in the living room, his man still sleeping soundly in the dim light of a desk lamp. He shivered when chilly air collided with his heated skin. He picked up a pair of clean underwear from his travel bag, and he slipped his legs in the same pair of sweats he was wearing before. He was still cold, so he decided to opt for one of Harry's thick sweaters, his palms completely vanished in sleeves that were too long for his limbs.

Just as he got dressed, he heard a doorbell, flinching at the sound he should have expected, yet he didn't. Styles tossed around in bed, his slumber disturbed as Lou approached the door, his feet bare on the cold, laminate floor.

“Thank you.” He smiled at the delivery man; the guy had no way of knowing how forced the expression was. Tomlinson closed the door and set the bag on the coffee table.

“Who was that?” Harry murmured as he rubbed his sleepy eyes

“I might have ordered some food for dinner.” The guest confessed.

“Needed some McDonald’s after too healthy of a lunch?” Brunette asked, mocking his boyfriend, still oblivious to the fact that something was not right. 

"No, it's Chinese. You wanted spring rolls, and I've felt guilty for making you drive home." Louis approached the bed and laid down next to his man, trying not to look into his eyes too much, afraid that his gaze was still as dead as it was the last time, he saw it.

“I liked eating in here.” Harry dug his hand into the sleeve of the sweater his boyfriend was wearing and intertwined their fingers. “Come on, let’s eat.” Tomlinson was dragged to the couch, boxes of various food were unpacked and shared by the boyfriends since it only made sense for them to try everything Louis had ordered.

"I kind of get the appeal of living like that." Styles confessed as they were relaxing on the couch. "You get full, there are no dishes to do, and it can be quite tasty."

“See? I’ve told you.” Louis smiled when he proved the point, he didn’t know he had. 

“I’m not converting.” Tomlinson’s eyes rolled almost to the back of his skull. “I love cooking, I love making you eat the things I made and seeing you enjoying things you thought you’d hate.”

"But the dishes…" Lou moaned, trying to further support his way of living.

“Totally worth it if you like my cooking.” Brunette admitted as he caressed the top of Louis’ bare foot, placed on his lap. He traced unidentified shapes with his index finger on the sole, making the boy giggle as he was just ticklish like that. “Are you going to tell your mom about the exams?”

“Not yet, I want to make sure I won’t fail this time before I do. I don’t want to disappoint her even more than I already did.” Louis’ face fell as he reminded himself of his mother, which provoked the thoughts of her illness, was she even going to be there in august to hear the results?

“I can’t see a world where your mother wouldn’t be proud of you, Louis.” Harry started pressing his boyfriend’s figuratively and literally cold feet with his warm fingers, lending him some of his warmth. “You look incredibly adorable in that sweater.” Styles changed the sensitive subject and proceeded with massaging his man’s feet. A process enjoyable for both of them since the student had a kink for everything that made his man squirm, a foot massage close to the top of the list of things that triggered the strongest reactions. 

"You really are a feet creep." Tomlinson sighed, but he hasn't removed his feet from his partner's lap, loving the way he was kneading his tired muscles, getting in there like a professional.

“Wanna watch me suck your toes?" Harry joked, but then he raised one of Louis' feet to his lips and licked a broad stripe on the arch, making his man squirm even more.

“Ew!” Louis tried to break away but to no avail. The relief he felt from the massage eventually convinced him to stop kicking his feet and let his boyfriend do the job he enjoyed doing so much.

“Oh, stop being a baby.” Brunette complained, his eyes stuck to his boyfriend’s face, pure pleasure controlling his expression. “There’s nothing about your body that would gross me out.”

“Yeah, I guess we’ve already established that. Your tongue in my ass made it quite obvious.” Tomlinson chuckled, he was glad Harry stepped up to the occasion and chased the dark thoughts away, even though he wasn’t even aware of them torturing his boyfriend.

“Stop, you’re making my mouth water.” Brunette licked his lips obscenely and sunk his teeth in his bottom lip.

“GROSS!” The smaller one yelled and closed his eyes; he’d doze off if he didn’t feel small pecks pressing along the bottom of his left foot.

“I need to take a shower.” Styles stood up, placing his man’s feet delicately on the couch, wrapping them in a blanket he had covered his naked body with before. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“Good luck with that, I’m bouncing as soon as these doors close, I’m leaving your creepy ass.” Harry smiled at the love of his life, yeah, he already gave his boyfriend the title and disappeared behind the door he hasn’t closed all the way as if it was going to prevent Louis from leaving if he wanted to do so.

And the boy did leave. He collected all the trash from their takeout dinner, put the jacket on, slid his feet into his shoes and left. 

When he dropped the trash bag into the bin outside of the building, he sat on the bench and smoked two cigarettes in a row. The reason for his action being both stress and the fact that he didn’t want to leave his man’s place for as long as it was possible. 

Harry was already dressed in his green pyjama pants when Tomlinson returned. He undressed but wrapped a blanket cocoon around his chilly body, only feet dangling from the end of his contraption. The sight reminded Styles of something. He reached to the back of his underwear drawer and grabbed a pair of fluffy socks he got from his sister for Christmas a year prior. He squatted in front of his man and slid his petite feet into thick socks, Tomlinson smiling sweetly at the way his boyfriend was taking care of him. 

“What are we watching?” Harry asked as he handed Louis a cup of cocoa he prepared for them; his man’s filled with marshmallows in contrast with his own, plain dark, barely even sweetened. 

Tomlinson started scrolling through the selection of Netflix shows on his laptop and let brunette get behind him on a bed.

“Won’t you judge me too much when I put on something dumb? I need something dumb right now.” The boy pushed a sigh out of his lungs, his partner not questioning why the boy ‘needed something dumb’ at the moment.

"I will never judge you. No judgement zone, remember?" Brunette laid on his side when he was done with his cocoa, Louis put some random season of The Simpsons on and laid on his back, letting his boyfriend's head, rest on his chest as he played with his dark curls.

Styles was laughing, sometimes from the silly comedy of the show, mostly from Louis’ reactions though. He loved seeing him all giggly after the way he was in the cinema, still not entirely sure what prompted the sudden mood change.

"Eleven." Styles announced another hour. They were laying opposite each other, sharing one pillow as if there weren't three more free for any of them to use. It was three in the morning, they were laying in the darkness, only a small lightbulb spreading warm light over the bed. It was the second hour of them getting lost in each other's eyes, both thinking how bad they're going to miss one another. Harry, for every hour that passed not sleeping, announced the time he wasn't going to let Louis out of bed before.

“What are your biggest dreams?” The man asked all of a sudden, still sunken into those blue eyes, glittering in the dim light; their hands intertwined, resting below their chins.

“I want to pass my exams, make my mom proud. Maybe find a better job. And… while the odds are not in our favour, I really fucking want for my mom to recover.” Styles squeezed his boyfriend’s hand tighter, his throat collapsing as he saw the pain clouding the bright blue ocean of his boy’s eyes. 

“I want that too.” Brunette admitted, struggling to talk.

“But what are your dreams? These are mine.”

"What if all of my dreams revolve around you?" Harry asked. "Of course, I want to finish school, maybe make it as an artist, but at the end of the day these are so mundane it's embarrassing. I'd be happy flipping burgers at McDonald's if it was you who I'm coming back home to." 

“What about later? In ten years? What do you see for yourself in ten years?” Louis asked in a small voice, his eyelids heavy as he tried to stay awake. His thumb on his man’s stubbly cheek, caressing the skin softly. 

“What do I see for us in ten years...” Styles wondered. “I see a small house in the cottage, I see a big dog, a kid. I see us being happy together. Me working from home, still painting. Waiting for you with a home-cooked meal as you get back from work that you’re happy with. This is what I see.” Louis’ lips curved upwards as he imagined the idyllic production of his man’s imagination.

“You want kids?”

"Yeah, want some of those." The student admitted, for the first time, he felt kind of silly laying down his stupid, considering the span of their relationship fantasies of life led together.

“It could be a bit tricky with that whole pregnancy thing.” Styles was not amused with the joke, his lips still curved though. He promised he would laugh even at the worst jokes.

“Well, I don’t hate the vision of trying to get either of us pregnant. But there are other ways to obtain a child.”

“A surrogate?” Louis asked, quite freaked out with the whole children talk.

"I thought about adoption. There are enough poor children in orphanages, and I would love to give some of them home, love like my own."

“Of course, that’s what you’d do.” The boy chuckled and kissed his man’s knuckles.

"What we fall out of love? Things like these happen." Tomlinson asked, just as Harry thought he fell asleep. Green eyes opened to look into those blue ones opposite of him.

“I don’t see that happening, not on my side.” Styles pressed the tip of his index finger to the tip of his boyfriend’s nose. “I’ve been falling more and more in love ever since I saw you lying that you didn’t like Zayn’s paintings more than mine.”

"I didn't…" The younger one tried to deny the allegations, but a finger shushed him.

“Ever since then it’s only going up, sky-rocketing. And just when I think I couldn’t love you any more, here you are proving me wrong. So wrong.” Harry murmured and kissed his boyfriend.

“I love you.” Louis hummed, his eyes still closed as if it made the declaration any less real, it didn’t. You’d think that after numerous more or less direct ways Lou has implied that he loves him, Harry wouldn’t freak out, well no… His heart was pounding, making him worry it would break out of his ribcage. He laid like that, all giddy watching his man fall asleep, their noses mere inches from each other until he drifted into the dream realm himself, the happiest he’s been… ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed another chapter of my story. Thank you for taking the time to read it :)  
>  As always, any kind of feedback appreciated so I encourage you to leave a comment when you're done reading.  
>  Any questions or suggestions on my twitter account @gerardisonfire


	7. Chapter 7

“ _R u up?”_ Harry received a message, it was four in the morning, he just got back from the party he ended up going to. Zayn threatened to contact Louis if he stayed home for the New Year’s; it was probably better for him to leave his apartment and see some people who weren’t his boyfriend.

The party turned out to be as enjoyable as things like those got. He was positively tipsy, never really allowing himself to get blackout drunk since he still remembered the first time that he did that. The memory haunting him even years later. 

It was Zayn's party, so it got out of hand relatively quick. The apartment filled with people that neither Harry nor Malik recognised, having fun and mingling with attendants who were invited. Loud music seemed to still blare in Harry's head when he tried to fall asleep. Sleeplessness very much appreciated when he saw his partner's message. He would've missed it if he hasn't struggled.

“ _Yes, just got back_.” He typed and sent it to his man, comforted with the thought he’s not the only one missing being together.

Just thirty seconds later, his phone started buzzing. He turned on his back and picked up.

“ _Hello, beautiful._ ” He greeted his boyfriend, voice especially deep because of his position. “Did you have fun tonight?”

“ _Yeah I did, I miss you though._ ” Louis was mumbling a bit, making Harry wonder how drunk he was. “ _I’ve sent you an email._ ”

“ _You did what?_ ” Styles laughed. “ _Is it important? Can I just check it in the morning?_ ”

“ _It’s VERY urgent._ ” Boy's giggles on the other side made Styles chuckle too. Oh well, brunette slid his laptop from under the bed and turned it on, now he just had to wait for the system to boot, that was going to take some time.

“ _Fine, I’ll check it._ ” The man sighed. A distant sound of fireworks made him flinch. “ _When are you getting back? I miss you like crazy._ ”

“ _Tomorrow._ ” Tomlinson answered. “ _Well, not tomorrow. Like tomorrow if you think about now as a New Year’s Day... The second._ ” Another round of babbling amused the brunette. He wished he was with him to see his red cheeks, the boy always got them when he drank. Very cute. “ _You should come when I get home._ ”

“ _Yeah, I should._ " He nodded, but Louis obviously couldn't see that. Harry logged on his fake email address he made back in the day for spam mail and there it was, a new message from his man, sent half an hour ago. " _Oh, I've just received your message, and it's interesting. Very interesting._ ” Styles was staring at the bright screen, a video of his boyfriend stroking himself was definitely not something he expected to get. A surprise, but a welcome one.

“ _You like it? I wish you were here._ ”

“ _Yeah, what for?_ ” Brunette’s hand subconsciously found its way to his pyjama pants and stroked the raising boner resting on his thigh.

“ _So I can fuck this pretty little mouth of yours._ ” Harry hummed in delight. “ _Make you choke on my cock as you suck the shit out of it._ ”

“ _Jesus you’re into choking now? God, I wish I was there as well._ ” Styles fantasised at loud.

“ _What are you doing?_ ” The boy asked, most likely well aware of the fact that his partner had his hand wrapped around his cock.

“ _Touching myself, thinking about you._ ” He moaned into the phone as he slid his thumb over the slit on his head.

“ _I wish I could see._ ” Louis sighed deeply. “ _Oh, I want you so bad right now, I want your tongue inside of me, your fingers fucking me, hard._ ”

“ _Fuck, I might need that new phone after all. I’m so hard right now, you have no idea._ ” The man jerked himself off, fast strokes making him go ballistic, as he watched Louis’ little video over and over again.

“ _When I get home…_ ” Tomlinson started. “ _I’m going to suck you so hard you’re going to come all over my face._ ” Harry heard his boyfriend panting, so they both were enjoying this late-night conversation of theirs as it turned out.

“ _You will look so pretty._ ” The boy chuckled. “ _I’m just remembering how you pushed our cocks together, it was so hot Louis, so fucking hot._ ”

“ _Can I tell you something weird?_ ” The shorter man shifted the conversation.

“ _Yeah._ ” Styles murmured into the phone.

“ _I might have a sharpie up my ass right now._ ”

“ _Oh, you might?_ ” Brunette laughed, the visual was an absolute turn on, he was not going to last much longer. “ _How does it feel? Does it feel good?_ ” He asked for details as he pulled on his throbbing dick, hard. The foreskin sliding on and off his bright head covered with precum.

“ _It’s tight. Doesn’t feel nearly as good as you._ ” Louis admitted, his breath shaky.

“ _It really is tight, so fucking tight_.” A deep chuckle escaped Harry’s gut as he was bringing himself over the edge, just to stop right before the climax, he loved the anticipation.

“ _Listen to me carefully._ ” Tomlinson warned him, a deep sigh enough of a confirmation. “ _When I finally get to you… I’m going to fuck you so hard_.”

“ _Yeah. I know you will, baby._ ” Styles moaned, at the promise.

“ _No, I’m going to fuck you... for real._ ” And there it was, a single sentence that cancelled Harry’s hardest efforts not to come right there, on the spot. His boyfriend’s soft voice made him spill hot cum all over his right hand, dripping on his belly.

“ _I just came so hard, baby._ ” He whimpered; his mind still fuzzy.

“ _I’m glad you did, you really need to get that phone. I want to see… You look so hot right now._ ”

“ _How’d you know?_ ” The man asked, wiping down his belly with tissues he’s been keeping near his bed ever since he started thinking about his boyfriend in that shameful way.

“ _You always look hot, I don’t have to see. I’m dating the hottest beefcake walking this world._ ” Styles chuckled at the term his man has used.

“ _Did you finish? Do you want me to keep talking?_ ”

“ _I did a while ago. You have no idea how much I miss you._ ” Tomlinson answered, but Harry had an idea, he missed him just as much. “ _I’ll be home soon._ ”

“ _You better be, or I'll drive there to get you_.” Louis just hummed in response. “ _Are you tired, baby?_ ” The tone of their conversation shifted real quick.

“ _Yeah, I’ve been playing with kids all day long._ ”

“ _But it was fun, wasn’t it?_ ” Harry asked, knowing how much his boyfriend loved his siblings.

“ _Mom was mad that I didn't bring you._ ” They both chuckled. “ _I’m sort of mad too. She loved the painting, made me hang it up in the living room right away. She said she’s going to brag that her baby’s friend painted it._ ”

“ _Tell her that I’m going to crash the party next time, whether you want me there or not._ ”

“ _She’ll come and pick you up herself, I’m sure of it._ " Styles felt so happy, not necessarily with the fact that his boyfriend's mom seemed to like him… or at least the picture of him painted by his boyfriend. That was exciting too, obviously but more than that, he was happy that the woman was very supportive of Louis. He needed somebody other than his partner to tell him that there's nothing wrong with the way he was and she still loved him unconditionally.

“ _Go to bed baby, I miss you. I love you very, very much._ " Styles murmured, and he heard a sigh on the other side.

“ _I miss you, goodnight sun._ ” The way he was called by his boyfriend made him chuckle, he stayed on the line for a few seconds but then he ended the call, missing his boyfriend’s virtual presence as soon as he put his phone down.

-

“I got something for you!” Louis squealed, as he threw his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, riddling his face with quick kisses. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“But you’re here right now, we made it.” Harry smiled, his face still kissed profusely.

“Sit down.” Styles complied and sat on the couch in his boyfriend's living room. The boy retrieved a box from his luggage and unpacked its contents right before his man's eyes.

“It’s not new, don’t worry. I just put it back in the box so it would look better.” He handed his boyfriend a rectangular device, much bigger than his usual phone.

“An iPhone? That’s like the peak of invigilation.” The student watched the device, unsure if the dirty videos were worth betraying his ideals over. “Thank you, you didn’t have to though”

“I wanted to, it’s Lottie’s old one. There’s this thing…” He pressed his lips together. “She wants a painting in exchange.”

“What painting?” Harry asked as he watched his boyfriend set up the new phone for him, it was probably for the better since it would take ages if he had to do that himself.

“Something similar to mum’s. But roses.”

“I think I can work with that.” A smile brightened his face when he thought that the first commission he was going to do was for Louis, well… his sister to be specific but that wasn’t bad either.

“Mom’s going to be in Manchester in a week. She has to get some tests done, but she wishes to get the chance to meet you, she’ll even come a day earlier before they lock her in the hospital.” The boy looked up at his partner’s face, uncertainty hidden in his soft features.

“Setting me up with your mother?” Harry chuckled. “I would love to meet her, count me in.” Louis’ face deformed in a huge smile. “How she’s doing?” And he fucked up, smile gone.

“Stable. Not better, not worse. Not good.” The only thing Styles could do was to hug his boyfriend. And so, he did. He wrapped his arms around the petite body and pressed him as hard as he could. He didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t his place to tell that it’s going to be okay because he didn’t know about the future, nobody knew at this point.

“I better get started on that painting today...” Brunette wondered. “What are we going to do with your mom? What’s the date plan?”

“I think we’ll just hang out in here, maybe some café, depending on how she’s feeling.” Louis shrugged.

“I know just the place.” Harry smiled when he remembered his favourite coffee shop, he wasn’t there as frequently as he used to when he was single; Theresa always asking if he’d come back when he ventured there for a tea and a study session once in a while.

“Here you have it grandpa, an upgrade. Long overdue.” Styles squeezed his new phone, the device clunky and heavy in his hand.

“Fine, now I’m going to get murdered by google.” The phone landed on the coffee table right away, Harry had more interesting things to do right now.

“You’ll be sold on the idea by the time you go to sleep.” Louis promised and smiled smugly. 

"Oh, will I?" He chuckled, and then the door opened, and Niall came to the living room. Thankfully he didn't catch them doing anything inappropriate for a straight person Louis posed as. Not that it would change anything since the last time Harry saw that man, he was leaving an obvious dick appointment.

But Louis' friend turned out to be a good lad, indeed. To Harry's knowledge, he never mentioned anything to Tomlinson, he didn't seem to act differently either. At least not to the point that Louis has noticed. The brunette couldn't help but wonder if that was his choice, or he simply did not remember the encounter.

“How was home?” He sat in an armchair, chowing down on a Snickers bar he brought with himself.

“It was cool, got plastered though.” They both chuckled, Harry carefully observing their interactions.

“Yeah, I’m done with tequila for the rest of my life.” The Irish one sighed. “I’m still paying the price today.” Niall’s chubby fingers rubbed his temples, he looked tired, to be honest.

They sat there like that for solid forty minutes, Styles barely spoke. He tried to assess if the Irish guy remembered their late-night meeting, from the way he was acting, nothing was implying that he did. The bartender was working on New Year’s Eve, that occurrence gave him an abundance of stories of drunks wilding out to share with the boyfriends. They were listening carefully, throwing snarky comments about people who cannot handle the booze here and there.

But then, Louis left to the bathroom, and they were left alone, Styles still carefully studying Niall's behaviour. It was silent until the roommate finally spoke.

“Don’t look at me like that, I remember okay?” He admitted.

“Why haven’t you said anything?” Brunette asked, taken aback by the direct approach he was avoiding the entire time they were together.

“He’ll tell me when he’s ready.” Niall shrugged and put the crumpled packaging he’s been playing with into his pocket.

"And you're okay with this?" The student rose his eyebrow when he gave the man opposite him an inspecting gaze. He did not know Niall that well, hell, he barely met him and yeah, he was always pleasant, but Styles still wanted to make sure, for Louis' sake.

“He’s my best buddy, I don’t give a fuck who he’s sleeping with.” The guest smiled, extremely relieved. Horan’s reaction made him regret he did not confront him earlier. He should’ve just come by when Louis was away and ask, it would’ve saved him A LOT of worrying.

“We’re bouncing.” Louis announced just when he emerged from the bathroom, his t-shirt wet with water due to his habit of drying his hands with his clothes. “You’re off work today?”

“Yeah.” Niall declared, stretching his stiff muscles in an armchair.

“I’m going to be home by nine, we’ll hang out, play something maybe?” Tomlinson proposed as he and Harry were putting their coats on.

“Hell yeah, you could get some beer though, I might have dried the entire supply.”

"Sure." Louis rolled his eyes, and they left, Harry’s pocket weirdly full with the new device he was forced to use.

“Where are we going?” Styles asked as he sat in the passenger’s seat of his boyfriend’s car. Very unusual, that’s why he was suspicious.

“To my favourite restaurant, I’m hungry.” His partner declared, his lips curving upwards.

“You’re taking me to McDonald’s, aren’t you?” The taller one sunk into the seat, defeated.

“Hell yeah, I am.” Louis chuckled and left the parking, headed to his favourite place to eat.

“This is not food, you’re still growing, you need sustenance not… this.” Harry complained as he saw his man devouring a second double cheeseburger. He, himself opted for soft-serve vanilla ice-cream because that was the only thing from McDonald’s he liked, Lou forced a small serving of chips on him. Chips were chips, he wasn’t going to act like he didn’t make them at home from time to time.

“But it just tastes too good.” The smaller man sighed in delight, his boyfriend wishing he would ever react to things he cooked in such a way.

“Give me that.” Tomlinson complied, Harry just deconstructed the sandwich, made a note of the ingredients, returned it to the original shape and gave back to his boyfriend.

“What, you’re going to make me a cheeseburger now?” The boy chuckled and dipped one of his chips in Harry’s ice-cream.

“Yeah, I am going to do that. Just with normal food, not like… plastic.”

“This is the first time you got me excited about food.” Brunette looked at his boyfriend, disappointed. “Actually, no. The pancakes were the first time. Those fucking pancakes.”

“I think your judgement might be clouded by another thing that occurred that morning.”

“Maybe, all I know that those were the best pancakes I ever had.” Louis shrugged. “I made some for breakfast, at home. My mom couldn’t believe her eyes.”

“I’m sure she was shocked, see? I’ve told you they weren’t hard to make.” Harry rocked his head to the music flowing from Louis’ car sound system. He knew it was Arctic Monkeys, he had no idea what song it was, he just knew the vocalist because his boyfriend was fond of the band.

“I even did that stupid one-handed egg-breaking thing you taught me, you show-off.” The boy scoffed in between bites of his food.

"And you didn't get the shell in? What a pro!" Louis smiled; it was stupid, but he felt proud of himself.

“Not a single one.” He answered, a smug expression on his face.

“Now we know who’s in charge of the breakfast next time we have a sleepover.” They both chuckled. Harry was serious, even if Louis thought he wasn’t. The student wanted his boyfriend to experience the joy of making something from scratch and seeing people enjoy the fruit of your labour.

Maybe then he’d get why he liked feeding him so much, and he’d stop thinking it was a ploy to get him fat because the brunette was either was a secret feeder, or he didn’t want Louis to leave him as if ever had that idea. Well… he had, frequently but that was something that his man was never going to know about.

-

“ _What’s your mum’s favourite dessert?_ ” Harry messaged his boyfriend, still not entirely used to the new way of typing. He just got out of school; his classes cut short due to an absence of one of his professors. He had some time to kill.

“ _Cheesecake. Why?_ ” He received an answer quickly, too quickly since Louis was supposed to be working at the moment, not texting.

“ _Does she like raspberries?_ ” His shopping basket became heavier as he put ingredients he needed for his new project.

“ _She loves raspberries._ ” And there it was, two packets of berries concluded the grocery run. He checked out at cashier’s, purposefully skipping the machine because the only time he tried to use one of those, he spent twice as much time as he would just doing it the traditional way.

Half an hour later, the man was running around his apartment to the sound of record he put on. He just now realised that the time was not entirely on his side, so he had to speed things up.

He had already prepared the cheese batter from the recipe he liked the most, waiting for the oven to heat up. He washed the raspberries and chucked them into a saucepan, putting the heat on high to speed up the process. He proceeded to squish the fruit with a wooden spoon as he impatiently rolled his hips to the sound of music. When he created a satisfying kind of mush, he just left it to simmer so the liquid could evaporate.

It was the time to bake the cheesecake. He put the ramekins into a bigger vessel, with a towel at the bottom securing the smaller containers. Harry put his creation into the oven and set the timer as he still worked on raspberry jelly.

“How’s work?” Styles asked when his man took his coat off.

“Busy, not gonna lie. My back’s killing me.” Louis complained and approached his boyfriend, who was still fiddling with pink gelly at the bottom of a pan. He slid arms under his Harry’s armpits and embraced him from the back. “What are you making?”

“Cheesecake.” Styles slid his finger over his lover’s hands, crossed on his chest.

“You are serious about that whole impressing my mom thing, huh?” They both chuckled. “Personally, I don’t think it’s necessary. She’s completely in love with you. I couldn’t get her to shut up about you when we came to my place.”

“Yeah? What did she say?” The taller one asked with a smug smirk bending his lips.

“That she’s happy I have someone like you in my life. Someone to take good care of me while I’m here. To force me to eat my veggies, drink water and stuff.” Brunette only nodded, that was exactly what Johannah said to him when they were left alone for a minute or so when Louis went to pay the bill at Theresa's shop only a day prior. She also said something about Harry taking care of her son when she's not there anymore, but it wasn't a thing he wanted to bring up.

The student was happy that she liked him. He was always good with mothers, so it wasn't necessarily surprising, but this time, he was quite nervous about the meeting. It was very important for him to get along with the woman even half as much as Louis got along with Harry's mother. Thankfully, it quite quickly turned out that they were on the same wavelength, in the middle of their meeting making Louis feel like he was redundant since they vibed off each other so well, never running out of things to talk about.

Their "date" wasn't very long, little short of two hours since Jay wasn't feeling very well. Louis said that they could reschedule, but she was too eager to meet the man who made her son so bubbly and happy, so they followed through with their plans. Chilling out with a cup of tea, getting to know each other in pleasant intimacy of Theresa's cafe.

And now they were getting ready to visit her in the hospital, the woman insisting that Harry should tag along with her son. Hence the cheesecake. Brunette thought it would maybe, just maybe brighten her day a little bit and if there was even a slight chance of that happening, he was going to take those odds and make a little treat for her to enjoy.

“Be careful!” Louis yelled when he saw his boyfriend’s fingers coming into contact with a hot vessel that barely left the oven. But Harry hasn’t even flinched, just like he was oblivious that anything happened. “You’ve burned yourself, you idiot!” The taller man continued taking the ramekins out on a cooling rack as his man took one of his hands hostage, placing a delicate kiss on the red mark of his finger. “You didn’t feel anything?” The boy asked, dumbfounded; his man looking like he wasn’t bothered at all.

“I worked at the restaurant, these are heat-resistant." Brunette explained, did jazz hands, and they both laughed at how dumb it looked. The cook started topping little cheesecakes with the raspberry jelly he made, creating a smooth, glossy layer on top of every single serving.

“You never told me.” The smaller one still chuckled, he approached the coffee table and laid down on a couch, placing his tired feet on the armrest.

“Well, it never came up… I did during the holidays and the time between graduation and Uni. There’s no story.” Harry shrugged and left his creations to cool while he sat at the end of the couch, placing Louis’ feet in his lap.

“Do you plan on returning?” The boy asked as he whined, feeling the way his man’s fingers were digging into his tired muscles. That was a little ritual that they had going on, they just did that and caught up on each other’s days.

“Probably, in the summer. Yeah.” He nodded. “I’ll save up some money and take you somewhere in September.”

“You’re going to take your sugar baby for a nice vacation?” Tomlinson laughed, looking at the smirk that entered his man’s face.

“Let’s just switch the roles for once, I’m tired of being broke.”

“You and me both.” The younger one wasn’t necessarily broke, he made good money where he worked, but he always made sure to have some spare funds to help his family out, the medical bills were off the charts.

Neither his mom nor stepfather would let him just give them money though. He was anonymously contributing to the online fundraiser his sister set up for their mom. Surprisingly, more people were supporting the cause, somewhat restoring Louis' faith in humanity.

“This is so pretty. I don’t want to ruin it.” Jay awed as she was going to pierce the spoon through the jelly layer on top of cheesecake. Her eyes twinkling in a harsh light ever since Louis and Harry came to visit her. The blue of her eyes deepened at the sight of sweet treat the boys brought her, making the whole baking debacle worth it.

"It's meant to be eaten, dig in." Harry persuaded the woman, and it worked, the mother taking a spoonful of the desert and slipping it into her mouth.

They were sitting in a generic hospital room, some unknown woman reading a newspaper only a few feet away from them. Harry thought ahead and brought four servings of cheesecake in a Tupperware container so he could gift one to the patient sharing a room with Jay. Such a Harry thing to do.

“This is delightful.” The stranger complimented as Jay was still going through her first bite. The cook threw his head back and brought the widest of his smiles to thank the woman for the compliment, words like that made his heart fill to the brim as if it wasn't already overflowing.

“It truly is good, would be better with some chocolate on top.” Louis added as he tried to avoid the pink part of his dessert.

“Of course, you’d like it better with chocolate.” Styles chuckled as his man’s mom said exactly what he was supposed to say.

“ _Are you free?_ ” The student got a message in the middle of their little hangout. He was fun; they were talking about everything and nothing at the same time, a woman with whom Johannah was sharing a room stopping them from raising more serious topics than those revolving around Lou’s siblings.

"You can go." Louis said when he took a glance at the message his boyfriend got from his friend. He hasn't met Zayn yet, but he knew that his boyfriend felt guilty about neglecting their friendship. Especially that it was just Malik's birthday, he spent it back home, but he and Harry were supposed to grab a drink to celebrate sometime.

"No, I want to stay." Styles touched his man's soft hand, but he retracted it as if he didn't want his mom to see this side of her son.

"Whatever you have to do, you can go sweetheart. I have something scheduled in fifteen minutes either way." Jay convinced him, and he caved.

“It was very nice seeing you today, ladies.” Harry smiled at both women as he was leaving.

“I’ll get the… thingies.” Louis said as if he was reading his boyfriend’s mind, the ramekins the exact thing he was thinking about.

"Thank you. Hope I'll get to see you again before you go back home, Jay." She just nodded, and a bright smile welcomed her face.

“What are we doing for your birthday?” Zayn asked when he was opening the door to his apartment. They had late lunch together, now they were coming back to have some drinks in the privacy of Malik’s flat.

“Do we have to do something?” A deep sigh left Harry’s lips. “Can’t we just like… meet up, drink something, eat pizza and hang out? Just you, me and Louis?” The shorter man took their coats as they entered the living room, hanging them by the door.

"I know it's your birthday, but there's no way you're going to make me sit with two of you like a fucking third wheel, absolutely not." Styles sat on the couch as his friend mixed some drinks for both of them. A minute or so later he already handed the taller one a glass.

“You did nothing for your birthday.” Styles rolled his eyes as he complained, he already knew he lost the battle. Didn’t know why he even tried.

“I was home, yes. But that doesn’t mean I did nothing… I’ll get a small group going, just the people you genuinely like. It would help if you’d give me a list or something.” Zayn kicked his shoes off, placing his socked feet on the bean bag that was taking up a big chunk of space near the couch. “We’ll just go to the club, have some fun.” He tilted his half-empty glass and took another sip. “You’ve been tight lately. I miss my buddy.” That comment stung just a little; that was something Harry hasn’t noticed. Did he change since he met Louis? If anything, it was for the better, at least he thought that was the case.

“Fine, we’ll do that. I don’t know if Louis is going to be down though.” Another sigh was pushed out of Harry’s lungs, not intentional this time. He never gave away how big of a toll his boyfriend’s struggle took on him. But he just did. And his friend caught it. Now looking at him with something unidentified in his intense stare.

"I know you don't want to hear it, don't get mad at me, please." Malik started and lit a cigarette, he inhaled slowly, blew the smoke out, thin ribbons dancing in the air before they faded into nothing while the man tried to think of the best words he could use. "I know that you love this guy, that you're serious about this whole thing but…" Yeah, always a "but". His friend was right, he didn't want to hear it. He was scared he was going to have a good point, he had some of those when it came to Styles' relationship. "You know damn well how happy I am for you. I just think that maybe you shouldn't let his shit affect you so much. You're barely going anywhere now, I know it's not like you were the life of the party before you met him, but you always had time to hang out, and now I never get to see you, and I'm afraid it's mostly because he doesn't want to be seen with you." Harry couldn't get himself to look at his friend, he was mad, yes. But mostly at himself for putting his new relationship above the friendship that they had going on for so much longer.

"Neither of us have the idea of how it is. He just needs some time to come to terms with who he is, it's temporary."

"Is it though?" Both pairs of eyes focused on a football game that was playing in the background. Neither actually interested, just scared. Zayn was scared he's going to say something insensitive, that he's going to lose a friend. The other man terrified about the same thing; he knew he would choose his boyfriend if it ever came to choosing between both men and that realisation stung even more. "Just tell me, is he any closer to coming out than he was when you met him? You've been dating for what, a month now?"

“It’s just that he has so much stuff on his mind right now, his mom… His mom, fuck, Zayn. She’s not just sick anymore, they both know what’s coming.” Another excuse he made for Louis, he was just like that. His boyfriend couldn’t do any wrong in his eyes.

“And what now? Are you just going to be stuck in four walls forever? How do you feel when your boyfriend doesn’t want to look at you when you’re out because he’s scared to even give a complete stranger the idea that you might be dating?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Styles just shook his head; he placed the glass he emptied in record speed on the glass tabletop.

“Now you see? You see how miserable this whole thing is making you? And it’s been only a month, how much of this can you endure?”

“What do you want me to do? Break up with him? You know that I’m not going to do that so just lay off me, okay?” The taller one snapped. He got up from his seat, grabbed his glass and approached the bar cart his friend had stacked with liquor. He filled the vessel with a generous, to say the least, amount of vodka and then topped it with some ice and coke from the freezer.

“I’m not going to let you be consumed by his problems and if you expect me to just stand back and let it tall play out… don’t count on that. I’ve dated a guy like that once, Dylan. By the end of it, I was so fucking depressed, you should have the idea how the thought of your boyfriend being ashamed of you makes you feel… I’ve lost all of my friends back home, constantly cancelling on everything because he wanted to be with me, but in secret.” Harry remembered the story, of course, he did. A guy that his friend dated a while before they met, a closeted one, just like Louis. “He always said how he’s going to come out soon.” Zayn put the last word in pretend quotation marks. “But “soon” never came, I’m pretty sure he lives in denial to this day, it’s been three years since he started promising he’d do it.” Malik refilled his glass as well and sat back in his place, still scared to look at his friend’s face. He was terrified that he might be fucking up everything they built in over a year that they knew each other.

“Louis is not like that, Zayn.” Harry drawled with his jaws clenched.

“I’m not saying that he is. I don’t know the guy.” Friend admitted. “I just hope that if it ever comes down to this, you will pick yourself over him. That’s something I wish I’ve done earlier.” Styles threw his head back, and sighed, once again in defeat. “You’re glad to have my annoying ass to tell you like it is.”

“Yeah, what a lucky guy I am.” A deep chuckle emerged from his gut. A sombre smile on his lips. “This was supposed to be a celebration, we fucked up.” He tried to change the subject; his mood was far from celebratory. He hated himself for how much Zayn’s words seemed to make sense. It’s not like he was going to do something about the issue, he just felt uneasy, like he was betraying his boyfriend.

“I’m just glad I get to hang out with you, I’ve missed this.” Zayn finally brought himself to look at his friend. Harry was smiling, but the expression was forced, something sinister hidden behind those green eyes, darker than he’s ever seen them.

"Go on, buddy. Time to sleep." Harry struggled to get Zayn to his bed, a tattooed arm thrown over his neck, the weight of his friend pulling him towards the ground. Styles' clumsiness, in combination with alcohol that slushed in his stomach, did not make the task any easier. There were two or three close calls before he successfully tipped the barely conscious body onto the mattress, not bothering with taking off Malik's clothes before he tucked him in. He left the apartment right after.

It was two in the morning already, they spent quite a lot of time together. Playing FIFA, eating sushi and just hanging out like they used to. As much as Styles loved spending time with his boyfriend, he couldn’t deny that he missed those meetings with Zayn. Malik’s chill presence always had a great effect on his psyche. Somehow, Harry felt like those hangout sessions he was reminiscing were a part of his old life, like he wasn’t the same person anymore. It was bizarre how much Louis had changed brunette's life even though their paths crossed a mere month ago.

The student decided to take a walk, he could use one at the moment. The distance between Malik's place and Harry's not nearly close to what he needed, but it was a start. He dragged his feet over the cobble below his boots, a rhythmical scraping accompanying his commute in conjunction with distant sounds of cars speeding down the main road. Other than that, it was eerily peaceful. Only Harry and his mind. Left to wander in the frosty, January air biting down on the man's cheeks. Streetlights guided him home as he walked, hazy eyes plastered to the pavement.

For some reason, he couldn’t get the story about his friend’s ex out of his head. However hard he tried to push it out, even resorting to summoning other, more pleasant memories which he had an abundance of, especially since he met Louis, did not work. The conclusion of Malik’s ex’s struggles still prodding on the back of Harry’s brain. Zayn’s words messed with his head. He felt more conflicted than he ever did before. Was Louis going to be the one who says he’ll come out without the intention of doing so?

Of course, the student wasn't going to push his partner, he wasn't even going to mention it as long as Louis didn't. It was not his place to say anything, provide advice as if he knew what the boy was feeling. There was no way he could ever know the struggle his partner was facing, his own process so effortless he didn't even have a proper "coming out". His story was so simple he was embarrassed to even talk about it in front of Tomlinson.

But he had to tell the truth eventually, right? He promised he’d be done by the end of the year. Harry could definitely endure their secret dates for a year, couldn’t he?

Was he hurt when they were out together, his man scared to even look at him when they were talking? IF they were talking. He was, very much so. Was he going to withstand those outings that were quite rare, to begin with, if it only meant his boyfriend gets to come out on his own terms? Absolutely.

Harry realised that he arrived at his place only when it came to opening the door. The man, patting his pockets chaotically, for a quick second found himself terrified that he lost his keys somewhere. But no, he finally felt them under his fingers and with relief unlocked the door, letting himself into the safe space of his studio that despite the usual temperature of around twenty degrees, still felt extremely cosy in comparison with outside conditions. Concerned about the number of hours he was going to sleep through before he had to wake up, he just undressed, delaying the shower to next morning since his classes started quite late.

He was just about to fall asleep, feeling the way the darkness lured him in as he laid there, engulfed in the soft warmth of the bedding he decided to splurge on, when his phone started going off on the nightstand. The violent buzzing on the flat surface startled unsuspecting man quite a bit. He turned on his other side and with utmost enthusiasm, grabbed his smartphone since he knew there was only one person who could be messaging him at this ungodly hour.

It turned out that it was not the first message, more like a fifth. Somehow, Harry missed the prior ones, it's not like he bothered checking his phone before he laid to bed. All he did was take the phone out on the nightstand so it could wake him up when the time was right. 

But there, they were. Five messages he’s been getting throughout the evening. Texts he entirely missed since he didn’t have his phone directly on him and checking the notifications was something, he was still very bad at. Without further ado, he got to reading as he struggled to keep his eyes opened.

“ _Hi, sun. Just got home. Are you having fun?_ ” The first message read, received a little short to seven in the evening, two hours after they split.

“ _You must be having fun, I’m going to punish you for being naughty and not answering_ ;)” Another one, twenty minutes after the first. 

“ _Baby, please just tell me you’re okay._ ” A bigger gap between this and the previous one. The phone informed Harry that this message was received at eleven in the evening.

“ _HARRY_ ” With big, bold letters, arrived around one in the morning.

“ _If you don’t answer in the next five minutes, I’m going to drive to your apartment I swear to god_.” The newest one read; the distress very much visible in the bubble surrounding the text.

“ _I’m okay, just got back home. Sorry!!! I left the phone in my coat._ ” Styles typed out quickly, knowing that Louis was serious. He sent the message.

“ _I’m so sorry, please just go to sleep. You’ll be tired._ ” Brunette sent right after.

“ _I don’t care, I’m glad you’re okay_.” Tomlinson answered.

“ _I’m sorry sunshine. Goodnight, I love you_.” Harry sent and kept staring at the phone as if he anticipated to receive these three words back. It seemed like that because that’s exactly what he wanted to see. It was stupid of him since it was a rare occasion when he got graced by the words. Plus, Louis had no way of knowing his man was feeling blue and could really use the declaration of love. 

When the device vibrated in his hands, he sighed in disappointment as he received only one of his words back. A simple “ _Goodnight._ ”

He needed the reassurance, for the first time in a month he needed to hear those words like he never needed before. It would just prove to him that all of this was worth it. But he didn’t get them. Drunk and disappointed, he laid on his back trying to push away the dark thoughts, doubts which he had for the first time.

But then, he grabbed his phone again and slid his fingers up to find the only time Louis told him by the message that he loved him. After that, the student opened his gallery, full of his boyfriend’s pictures. A feature he loved the most in his new phone, a feature that helped every doubt he had disappear. It was worth it, so worth it. It was Louis for fuck’s sake! He’d do everything for his Louis. Everything… 

-

“ _I like this shirt on you_.” Harry texted his boyfriend, even though they were maybe ten feet from each other. Louis just got there, he was sitting with Niall, the only person he knew in the room full of strangers. The Irish man was invited to keep Lou company since his boyfriend was not very welcome to do that, despite that it might have been the only thing he wanted to do.

In the darkness, he caught a small smirk on his man's face, lit with the light emitted by his phone as he was reading the message he got from his boyfriend, but then Zayn approached him, and there it was, his little staring session was over.

"This was supposed to be a small celebration, you asshole." Styles complained to his friend, who approached him with a drink in his hand.

"Is he here already?" Malik asked, completely ignoring the words his friend just spoke to him.

What was supposed to be a small, intimate gathering somehow transformed into a proper party in a private section of a club the friend rented. Was the birthday boy particularly surprised? No, it always ended up like that, but that fact did not discourage Harry, and he kept on bitching every chance he got.

“Yeah.” The taller one smirked ever so slightly and nodded in his boyfriend’s direction; Louis preoccupied with his roommate. “The one on the right.”

“So, you’re into twinks now?” A derisive chuckle left his friend’s mouth. The birthday boy was not laughing. It was not funny at all. “Don’t be mad, he’s cute.”

The conversation was interrupted by some of Styles' school friends who insisted on having a drink with him. It was his birthday after all, he could've expected the attention, and no matter how bad he did not want any of it, he was kind of obliged to get through the evening.

When he was finally free again, Louis was no longer in his seat, Niall was though. He was sitting with a girl Harry didn't even recognise… here's to keeping a circle of only the closest of pals.

Louis' absence made him worry that he might have felt uncomfortable and left, he wouldn't blame him, to be honest. He felt weird too.

But no, just when he was going to text him, he spotted his familiar silhouette, standing in the far corner of the room with Zayn, bonding over some beers.

It was maybe a quarter to midnight when Harry finally decided to approach his boyfriend. He was pretty drunk already, to be completely honest. It was hard not to be when pretty much everybody he knew expected him to at least take a shot with them. Thankfully, half of the people attending the party had no idea he was the one the event was for, he was still wondering where did all of those people come from.

Everybody was drunk already, some people probably high as well, so he felt safe to sit next to Louis who was left alone by Zayn and Niall whom he was hanging out for a while with. The two left… somewhere.

"Are you having fun? I saw you had a chat with Zayn." Harry giggled at Louis who didn't seem to mind being approached. He would usually. That just proved Harry, that his boyfriend was drunk as well, that and those red cheeks of his, which practically begged to be pinched.

“That was Zayn?” Tomlinson asked in a small voice, dumbfounded. “He never… He’s cool.” The blue-eyed man finished his beer, what a straight thing for him to order.

"I'm sorry, it's boring here." Brunette apologised, he was scanning the room full of people, some of them he recognised, but still, he couldn't put a name of the majority of faces if his life depended on it.

“Don’t worry, I’m having fun observing you.” A chuckle moulded Louis’ face into endearing expression, his fingertips nervously tapping on the neck of his empty bottle.

“Where did Niall go? Did he just leave you here?” Harry asked, infuriated with the sole idea. He was going to have a little chat with his new, Irish friend if that was what he did.

"No, he went with your friend to…" The boy stopped when he realised his tongue got ahead of his brain. It was too late.

“To what?”

“To get the cake.” The boy admitted, playing with his fingers, knowing damn well he fucked up.

“I’ll act surprised.” Styles winked at the love of his life, all blushed and giggly in front of him. In front of people. People who didn’t give a shit about their interaction, either way still a big thing in their relationship.

And there, their moment came to an end when two men re-entered the room, a big, white cake carried between them, those weird, fountain candles pulling everybody’s attention, provoking drunk crowd to cheer some gibberish.

“Will I see you tonight?” Harry asked, knowing that it was his cue to leave.

“Maybe you’ll come by?” Tomlinson proposed, his blue eyes wide and sparkling at the idea.

“I will try.” He promised and lifted his butt off the leather seat.

It took some squeezing through people to get to Zayn, everybody started singing Happy Birthday as soon as he got to the right spot. Harry was so drunk, he started singing too, some people taking videos as if they were ever going to watch them. Okay, he knew one of the videos would be watched, probably even soon. The one Louis had taken, his little lips curved as he hid his face behind the phone.

“ _Happy birthday, you dick!_ ” The message, written in green icing said, letters crooked and all different sizes. Here’s to establishing who was responsible for decorating the basic, supermarket cake.

“Make a wish!” Niall yelled as Harry leaned over the only one, regular candle that was placed in the middle, right next to a penis that somebody clever had drawn on the cake.

The man had a wish all ready to go. The same wish he wished every single time he got the chance, not that many times at all, to be honest since the wish was not even two months old.

And there it was, the crown moment was over. Cake was getting cut in uneven slices by two men, hands shaky when they handled plastic knives, the poor choice of utensils couldn’t have done the job any easier. Harry, thankfully, was saved from the struggle as he was handing the treats to the guests.

Everybody was eating when Styles got approached by a girl he had some classes with last semester, a guy was with her too, a boyfriend as Harry assumed based on the way he was wrapped around her. They handed him a shot of clear liquid, and without thinking too much he downed it, thanking them for birthday wishes just to get rid of them.

There was still one person who didn’t get a slice. That person was sitting where he sat before brunette left him.

Styles plated two slices of his cake on paper dishes and got back to his man, handing him one and smiling at him, the boy all bubbly, just the way Harry loved him the most.

“Happy birthday.” Louis smiled as he took a bite of sweet treat.

“I love you.” Brunette said, voicelessly, knowing well that his message will be understood. “I didn’t get a second spoon.” He declared and not thinking the issue through too much, he started bending the plate with his fingers, biting the parts that were closest to the edges.

“I could’ve given you mine if you just waited.” Tomlinson chuckled as he ate the vanilla cake, a classic one but the one Harry liked the most.

“See? No need to.” Styles proudly presented his clean plate.

"Don't move." The smaller man's index finger travelled to his partner's face and swiped the icing that somehow, both of them knew how, got onto his face. Without thinking about it too much, the boy just slipped the finger into his boyfriend's mouth, his man sucking on it, hard. A familiar sensation awakened deep inside of both.

But then, Louis realised what he's done and retracted his hand right away, looking around to check if people weren't looking. It didn't seem like they were, but he still had to be cautious.

“I’m going to find Niall. Head home.”

“Okay, have a good night.” Styles answered and was left alone on the sofa. He just stayed there, the only reason he enjoyed attending the party gone, leaving Styles bored and much to his own surprised, quite irritated even if he didn’t even know why. 

He wished he could’ve just left with Louis. All he wanted to do is to tuck the boy in, kiss his temple and cuddle him till they fell asleep. It was one in the morning, the boy had to be dead on his feet, especially after work. But he came, that was all that mattered.

Harry got bothered by some more people, wanting his attention more than he wanted theirs, one even taking a selfie with him as if they had an account to tag on it. It got annoying, quite quick, strangers approaching him in masses when the cake cutting debacle revealed that he was, in fact, the anonymous birthday boy. Well, all he could do was smile and nod, act like he had any interest in any of those people or intention to remember their names.

But then, when he finally had a moment to get used to solitude, his phone buzzed. His hand found the pocket in record-speed and retrieved the device. Excited, the student opened the message he got from Louis.

“ _Bathroom, now_ ” Two words made him spring back to life, an emoji sticking its tongue out instead of any interpunction.

The alcohol-induced clumsiness made it hard to strut to the restroom. Harry tripped over his legs at least two times before he got there. He ignored the line completely, thinking about the stupid emoji that Louis sent him. He knew that he probably got excited over nothing, but try telling that to his cock that started filling with blood, buried in the material of Styles’ loose pants.

The man took a peek under every single door, feeling like a complete creep till he found the pair of familiar trainers and none of that mattered anymore. Just as he got there, the stall unlocked showing the man that he was very much anticipated. Harry slid through the gap to find his boyfriend sitting on a closed lid of a toilet, all smiley and blushed. Perhaps he underestimated the state of his lover’s intoxication, round cheeks even brighter red when they weren’t subdued by the darkness. 

They knew they did not have much time before people get impatient. Louis clung to birthday boy’s lips with utmost urgency, their wet smacking covered by loud music pumped through the speakers. Harry could sense how horny his man was, Lou’s teeth digging into his bottom lip, tugging on it. Tongue pleasurable, yet aggressive in his mouth.

With no time to lose, Louis sat back, his legs crossed so they couldn’t be seen from the outside. The boy unbuckled his boyfriend’s pants and let them fall to his ankles, sliding his boxers right away to join the pile of fabric.

"You look so pretty." Harry whimpered when he felt a firm grip at the base of his cock, Louis leaned over, and his soft, heated mouth joined the party, Styles' head thrown back in the sheer pleasure he felt from the way his boyfriend's tongue danced on his length, his head bobbing up and down on it.

Two small hands were placed on both of brunette’s hips as Louis pushed his boyfriend’s throbbing erection deeper, fighting his gag reflex, taking the bigger part in when he let his man use his mouth as he pleased. Harry didn’t have to be told twice, his hips thrusting forward, the very tip colliding with the back of Lou’s throat, causing the student to shiver.

“You like that?” Tomlinson asked as he stopped deepthroating his man, tears were slipping down the reddened cheeks, a single string of his warm, sweet from the dessert saliva still attached to his man’s head.

“You’re so hot, so fucking hot right now. Always…” Harry complimented as his petite boyfriend was sucking on his head, the tip of his tongue tickling the slit which provided a generous amount of precum for his man to feast on.

Styles wasn’t going to last any longer. His arm was pressing on the wall as he got sucked to oblivion, his breath uneven, hands shaking from the stimulation. His cock was still in Lou’s mouth, pulsating ever so slightly, announcing incoming climax.

“Lou, I’m gonna…" He didn't get a chance to finish before the sucking got stronger, tongue swivelling around the length. Lewd noises covered by the music, left only for the two to hear. Tomlinson got warned, he always pulled away and finished with his hands, not this time though. He focused his delicate palms on Harry's balls as he pushed him deeper into his throat, letting the man shoot his load into his mouth, for the first time ever as if the whole encounter was not already the hottest thing.

"Happy birthday." Louis smiled into the kiss while he was buckling his boyfriend's pants, his voice sweet, yet raspy from the strain his partner's cock put on his throat. Harry moaned into the kiss as Tomlinson palmed him for the last time before he just escaped, leaving his boyfriend all shaky and needy, his whole face flushed red as he craved so much more.

Somebody knocked on the door of the stall, impatient man rushing Harry to leave. He flushed the toilet and complied, washing his hands thoroughly to keep the act of innocent bathroom break.

"Have you seen Louis?" Harry asked his friend when he couldn't find the boy anywhere. It was foolish of him to hope that he did not leave after their little meeting, but the unfavourable odds were not enough to stop him from looking around.

"He took Niall, and they went home, right after he left the bathroom. Just before you did the same." Zayn squinted in justified suspicion, and Harry felt his dick spasm, something extremely arousing in the fact that somebody knew about what had transpired just a few minutes ago.

“Oh, okay.”

“Happy birthday to you I guess.” Malik chuckled as he drank the toast for his friend.

“I think I’ll bounce, I’m tired… and drunk.” Styles nodded for no reason, having troubles keeping his head up straight.

"I’ll get you an Uber.” His friend offered and immediately did as he told, only later did it occur to Harry that he also had a phone capable of doing that. Oh well…

Not even fifteen minutes later, the birthday boy was already in his apartment. The place so dark and unwelcoming without Louis in it. Sleepiness got ahold of him as soon as he laid on the mattress, his naked body draped with a comforter.

But then, as he laid there, drifting into the land of sweet dreams and fantasies, his phone lit up and got him excited again.

“ _I can still taste you_." Louis messaged, a picture of a hand wrapped around a penis Harry would recognise everywhere attached.

“ _Fuck, should’ve come to see you. Take care of that thing._ " Harry replied. He turned on the lamp on his bedside table and fiddled a bit to find the face time button, but Louis was turned out to be quicker, he always was. Harry accepted the call immediately.

“ _Oh, hello there._ ” Deep chuckle greeted Louis who stroked himself, camera pointed right at his hand, slipping up and down his thick cock.

“ _Am I a slut?_ ” The boy asked as he jerked himself off. “ _It felt so hot, sucking you right there with all of those people around._ ”

“ _You might be a little slutty, yeah._ ” Harry murmured. “ _But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the hottest thing that ever happened to me._ ”

“ _Were you surprised?_ ” Tomlinson asked, panting heavily.

“ _I was, very positively surprised._ ” The man admitted, his hand back at his cock that hasn’t even got enough time to recover completely from being sucked off.

They spent the next ten minutes talking sinfully, bringing each other over the edge, both ending up coming, only a few seconds apart.

Tired from the events of the day they fell asleep, still on the line like they sometimes used to… 

-

"You got a phone case!" Louis shouted as he was sitting by a pile of birthday presents. Harry couldn't force himself to open them even if a week had passed since his party. Styles was in the bathroom, folding some towels he just retrieved from the dryer. "I think it's hand-painted." This little fact certainly struck his interest. He put all of the towels back into the cabinet and in few leaps, closed the distance between him and his boyfriend. He squatted by his man who sat cross-legged on the floor, and took a rubbery plastic from him. 

Sure enough, on the back of the black phone case somebody painted a little scenery. The signature at the bottom was unnecessary since Harry already identified Luna’s style.

"Where's my phone?" He asked, and Lou pointed in the right direction. Mere seconds later, the case was already protecting the phone, which housing was far from pristine either way. "It fits." Harry hummed. Out of every gift Louis has opened, he liked that one the most. It was thoughtful, his friend took some time to tweak the basic case. 

“Of course, it fits, silly.” Tomlinson giggled, his petite body shaking just a little when he proceeded to rip open packages that were gifted to his boyfriend. There was a weird occurrence where Harry got more gifts than a year prior, even though he told Zayn to tell people not to bring him anything, his place was already cluttered as it was. “Train vouchers?” The smaller one said confused as he gave his man an envelope. Yet again, Styles knew who the gift was from even though, this time, it was not signed.

“They’re from Zayn.” He explained, Louis ripping another, small box open. “So, I can go home when the money’s tight.”

"This is so sweet." Smaller one cooed. It was sweet, indeed. Things like that always made Harry realise why he and that guy got along so well. Yah, he got annoying from time to time, sticking his nose where it didn't belong, but he was always respectful while doing so, not pushing anything on his friend. Brunette wanted to think that he's just the same.

“Yeah, it is.” He just nodded and placed the envelope into a drawer where he kept “the important stuff”, his adult drawer of sorts. “What are these?” Louis was asked as he held a big pile of cardboard.

“Scratch cards.” The boy got up on his legs, all excided even though he could barely walk, his legs asleep from the position he was stuck in for so long. He even stumbled at first, but thankfully Harry was there to catch him. He always was. “Twenty-three scratch cards to be specific.” 

“I see those math exercises are working, I’m impressed.” Styles joked.

“Fuck you.” Tomlinson chuckled and sat on the couch, a penny squeezed between his fingers. “Can I?” 

“Sure, have at it. You know I don’t believe in that stuff.” Harry shrugged and distanced himself from his boyfriend, leaving him to his own devices. A pile of lost cards already growing on the table.

He just gathered numerous liquor bottles he received, a standard gift for somebody you don’t know, and put a few in the fridge, finding a spot in one of the cabinets for the rest.

“Harry.” He heard his name and his head twisted to see what his boyfriend needed him for, but nothing else emerged from Louis’ mouth, his lips parted as he was looking at a green piece of cardboard with confusion painted on his face.

“What is it?” Louis was asked when he hasn’t explained what he was on about.

"You either have a dumb boyfriend, or you're rich." The boy struggled through his throat that suddenly tightened at the sight before his eyes.

“Well, I have to be rich then. My boyfriend is one smart cookie.” Harry smiled and approached the couch. He sat right next to his man who handed him a card. 

The more he read, the more believable the idea got. By the second time, he was already pretty sure that they won. It wasn’t one of those big Powerball prizes, no. Five thousand quid still seemed to be a fortune for a student who struggled to make ends meet pretty much every single month.

“We’re rich.” A deep chuckle escaped Styles’ gut when he was looking at the piece of paper, he called stupid just a few minutes ago. Louis cheered his silly little “oii oii” that Harry grew to love so much, it was a northern thing as he understood. He cupped his love’s face in both of his hands, a ticket now laying between them and they linked in a kiss, pressing their lips together, hard. “What are we going to do with it?” Harry asked, quite overwhelmed with the possibilities.

“What are _you_ going to do? It’s your money.” Tomlinson corrected his boyfriend, smiling. He secretly loved the way Harry included him without even thinking about it.

“You’ve scratched it.” Styles insisted.

“The result didn’t change just because I did that, you’d still win.” Louis linked their lips yet again. They were so happy, not entirely believing in their luck. 

“I’d probably chuck them right away, to be honest.” 

“Yeah, well you’re lucky to have me. Your silly little boyfriend that believes in stupid stuff.” The boy snickered sweetly, his hand resting on his man’s thigh.

“Don’t know who you’re talking about.” Harry gave him a weird look. “I just know my very intelligent little boyfriend that believes in luck.” He placed a small kiss on the top of Louis’ nose. “And he might be onto something, seeing how lucky I was to meet him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for still following the story, I strongly encourage you to leave a comment :)  
> For any additional stuff like questions, updates or my unnecessary rants head to my twitter account @gerardisonfire


	8. Chapter 8

"I think this is it." Harry said, looking around the place. He parked just outside the gate and left the vehicle, sleepy Louis following his lead. "The address seems right."

"We are going to get murdered here." Tomlinson predicted as he scanned the premises. A dark, eerie building surrounded by a lavish garden, keeping the backyard hidden out of reach of potential curious eyes. Vines of poison ivy, climbing up the sides of the house giving the place a vibe between a secret oasis and a haunted house. "I watch a lot of horror movies; I know how this works." Brunette chuckled at the comment, and he pushed a key they got from a woman they've met an hour prior into the gate's lock, it fit.

They were right in front of a small house Harry rented for the long weekend, spending a portion of the money he won two weeks earlier. There was nothing around, just trees, bushes and green. That’s just what they needed, a little time off from the hustle and bustle of Manchester. A place where they could just relax and be together, without thinking about being seen by people. There were no people around.

A change of scenery was very much appreciated, especially by Harry, who was exhausted of four walls of his studio. He barely left it at this point, the only place him and Louis could be together without the risk of getting caught.

Well, they weren’t risking anything really at Louis’ either, Niall knew to keep out when he saw Harry’s shoes by the door. But the younger boyfriend didn’t know that. He still flinched and panicked at every single noise outside the door when on the rare occasion they’ve ended up in his bedroom. Totally unaware that his friend had no intentions of disturbing them, he wanted to spare himself the trauma.

“This is nice.” The smaller guy commented on the living room they were standing in, their bags left by the door. His partner didn’t necessarily agree. The place was plain. It was a nice, old cottage back in the day, as the exterior indicated. Somewhere along the way some tasteless people got ahold of the property, stripped it out of its originality and decided to replace everything with pages from annual IKEA catalogue. The place seemed artificial, cold; like it was not meant to be lived in.

But he was with Louis, so nothing else mattered, he wouldn't mind sleeping in a tent if it was with his man, never mind that it was February.

“I hate it.” Harry admitted. “But I love this.” He approached the smaller man and pressed their lips together, his hands resting on Louis’ waist. “I love all of this.”

“What’s the game plan?” Tomlinson asked as he broke away from his man’s embrace, leaving him in there as he got to the kitchen, equally cold and plain.

“Dinner.” Styles nearly shouted as he followed his boyfriend, heavy grocery bags in both hands. “Burgers.”

“Is this finally the day?” Louis’ butt plopped onto the counter of a big, kitchen island covered with something that impersonated marble. His eyes glittering in excitement at the thought of those godly cheeseburgers which he was promised quite a while before.

“It is, it sure is.” The boyfriend grinned while unpacking the groceries they’ve bought for the weekend. He left all the ingredients he was going to use for their dinner on the counter.

“Can I help you with anything?”

“No, I’m on my own. You just keep yourself busy or something.” Harry commandeered, his man hopped off the counter and started fiddling with sound system, not more than two minutes later smooth sound of “One For The Road” by Arctic Monkeys flooded the entire downstairs.

“How many guys have you been with?” Louis asked as they were relaxing on the hardwood floor topped with a blanket, heat beaming onto their naked bodies from the fireplace maybe two metres away from where they were laying. Harry nearly choked on his spit, taken aback by the question, certainly not a topic he would consider pillow talk friendly.

“Where did that come from?” He laughed and linked his palms with his boyfriend’s, braiding their fingers together, Lou’s few degrees colder, as usual.

“I don’t know.” The little one shrugged. “I’m just sometimes wondering about this, like… If we’re going to do this thing…” This thing as in try anal for the first time. It was a month after Louis promised that they would go all the way that the topic returned, summoned by Tomlinson himself when he got daring amid phone sex. “I just don’t want to make a fool out of myself, you know that I haven’t really…”

"I know." Harry interrupted him, he held their joined hands up, and just looked at their intertwined fingers. "And I'm honoured." Lou scoffed thinking that this is it and he's not going to get the answer to the question he asked. His partner never really said anything about his previous relationships, from the way he was in bed, Tomlinson had figured that his man was quite experienced, but he never gave a number. "Well…" Styles picked up again, in his staple, slow fashion he always talked in when he didn't have an answer ready. "I dated three guys, only one of them serious. So… I only had sex with one guy before, if that's what you're asking."

“One? That’s it?” Louis looked at his man, a visible confusion painted on his face.

"Why are you so surprised? Do I come off as a bit of a slut?" Harry snickered and placed his thumb over his boyfriend's swollen bottom lip, dragging it down slightly, so it looked like he was pouting, very adorable.

“I just… I thought it was more because you… know stuff.” Tomlinson fell onto his man’s chest and started drawing random shapes on the flushed skin with his index finger.

“I picked up what I liked from… the guy I was dating.” Something bitter in brunette’s tone made the smaller one wonder about the ex. “And porn, lots of porn.”

“What’s the story?” He asked blatantly even though Harry’s demeanour told him that he probably shouldn’t.

“It’s a long one, one that makes me look dumb I… don’t know if I want to talk about it.” This was the first one… Louis couldn’t think of the time his man refused to talk about anything, always very honest, open. Gladly talked even about the most embarrassing stuff.

“Okay.” Tomlinson sighed; he wasn’t going to push, showing his partner the same respect he was shown when it was he who did not want to talk about some stuff.

"I was your age, maybe a little younger when I met him." He exhaled sharply as first words left his lips after quite a bit of a pause. They were laying in silence, interrupted by the crinkling of wood before the student spoke. "He was older, quite a bit older than me. Twenty-seven, I think. We met in a club; this was the first time we drove to one with my pals. There was no place like that in our town. And there, he was. All tall and interested in what I had to say." The man chuckled, his boyfriend's head bouncing a bit on his exposed chest. "He bought me a few drinks. It was super weird meeting a gay person in the wild. I didn't think it was that common, it certainly wasn't back there. Or maybe I haven't realized… Well… Somehow, I fell in love, what now seems like the dumbest thing I've ever done. But I did. We went out a few times, he always picked me up in his nice car, bought me things, seemed like a really good guy. Like he cared."

“How long did it last?” Louis asked, sensing a sombre tone in his man’s voice, one foreshadowing a bad ending.

“It’s embarrassing to even say…” Tomlinson’s finger traced a heart around Harry’s bottom right nipple. “It went on for almost eighteen months, eighteen fucking months wasted.” He scoffed.

“What happened? Did he do anything to you? Please don’t say he hurt you…” Lou pleaded and clung to his boyfriend’s chest, terrified to hear that the stranger somehow hurt his man.

“No, he adored me.” Styles’ eyes rolled just a bit, a mocking smirk bent his reddened lips. “He was married… his daughter was born right around the time we started going out.”

“He was married?!” Louis choked on nothing, struggling to talk as he coughed.

“I don’t know if I was just dumb or choose to ignore the red flags. I should’ve introduced him to my mom, she would’ve known right away.”

“Why didn’t you?” The boy’s breath was coming back to normal.

"That's the thing... I never wanted to. I felt… embarrassed, maybe." Harry's body shook with a shrug. "That's the reason why I'm not sure if I ever actually loved him. That and the fact that I got over this quite quickly." They said nothing, just cuddled. All four eyes plastered to the fire dancing right next to them, crinkling of wood, making the scene even cosier. "You know when I've decided I wanted you to meet my mom?" Harry chuckled. His question met with a confused gaze. "When we were sitting on that damn windowsill, drinking mulled wine."

“Really?” The smaller one smiled, endeared. He placed a soft kiss onto his man’s chest.

“Isn’t that creepy?”

“Just a little bit.” Louis chuckled. “But I’m glad I met her. I love your mum.” Harry smiled sweetly, his eyes glittering as he was looking at the love of his life.

"She loves you too, baby. She really does. You were sleeping upstairs, she hadn't even met you, and she already said how happy she is that I've got you…" He added, in a split-second, Lou's expression changed, something inscrutable deformed his smile.

“You told her?” The boy pulled back, now sitting on his bum, legs pressed to his chest as he leaned his back on the side of one of the couches.

"She kind of figured it out herself, I'm not lying to her. Wasn't going to start doing that then." Harry tried to calm his boyfriend down, he reached to touch his bare foot, but he dodged his touch. "You've told your mother too, I thought it was fair."

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Louis asked, Brunette never heard that harsh tone in his man’s voice. Very unsettling; surprising, considering that they were yet to have their first fight.

"Because you'd start doing exactly what you do when somebody knows about you? Acting like this big, straight man. You always do that, Louis. You act so weird around people who know about us. Around Zayn, around your mom for God's sake! Your own mother! She's been nothing but supportive of us but you won't even look at me around her. You barely acknowledge my existence." Styles has snapped, for the first time. He lost patience with his partner, something he said he'd never do. Yet, he did.

"You think it's that easy? Just because everybody in your life was so supportive of you being a faggot doesn't mean it's that effortless for all of us." A wave of daggers was thrown by Lou's icy gaze. "I'm not ready. I've told you so many times, Harry. Why won't you just listen?" Tomlinson's voice was getting louder, thinner as he shouted these words. The worst thing was that he only told him once or twice, he told him that he needs some more time, that he's almost there, and that was clearly a lie as it just turned out.

“And you think it’s easy for me? Watching you turn into a stranger when there’s anybody else but us? How do you imagine us being together when we barely leave my apartment!? I don’t want that Louis, hostile, embarrassed of me. I want the one I know, the sweet one, bubbly Louis I fell in love with.” A hysteric note started manifesting in Harry’s voice. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want to fight with his man, not now, not ever. He fucked up, he fucked up big time. He should’ve just apologized for telling his mom and not dig into the issue.

"Sorry I'm such a burden." Louis drawled through his clenched teeth, putting as much venom in those words as he could. Then, he just got up and left; abandoning his boyfriend who was still laying there, defeated, guilty, on the brink of tears.

This was not supposed to be like this. They were supposed to have a nice weekend, it started out so nice; they had a nice dinner, great sex… but then everything went off the rails. Emotions he’s been suppressing for quite some time now took over him. He was hurt, every time his man had pushed him away when they were somewhere other than in either of their flats. He felt like he was taken advantage of, used.

But he was also fully aware that Louis struggled so much, afraid to be exiled by his family, by his friends. Harry knew that Jay would never let any of that happen, he doubted that she would have to intervene at all, it twenty-first century for god’s sake! Yet, no matter how many times he told that to his partner, reminded him that he’s loved by his family and friends, by his boyfriend; the boy wouldn’t listen.

Either way, he felt miserable. With just a few words that slipped out, produced by his emotions, he just cancelled all of the times he told his boyfriend that he was going to wait for him, that he doesn’t care if they’re both out. He meant that; he didn’t care. But sometimes he was just conflicted like that, overwhelmed.

“Louis…” Harry gently knocked on the door when he finally located his boyfriend, he heard him in one of two bedrooms. Louis was crying, the sniffling was muffled but still audible before it cut quickly as Lou heard that Styles was outside.

“Leave me alone.” Already aching heart broke in brunette’s chest when he heard his man’s voice. He made him cry, he hated himself so much for it. He was both glad he couldn’t see Louis right now and felt like he deserved to watch him cry since it was he who caused the tears.

"Louis, please." He insisted as his body slid over the door, he just sat there, no answer from his partner. Something broke inside of Harry, he started sobbing quietly, cursing himself out in his mind. It was his fault, and he couldn't even apologize; couldn't say he didn't mean any of the things he said. He did not deserve Louis.

-

“Leave.” Louis snarled as soon as he opened the door, Harry felt like his heart was ripped from his chest when he saw him like that… his voice stripped of any emotion, his eyes surrounded by grey, skin resembling parchment.

“I’m not leaving. We have to talk.” Brunette put his foot in the space between the door and the frame so his man couldn’t lock it, he did that every time Styles came over, trying to make things right.

“Niall’s home.” The shorter one just whispered through clenched teeth; he was still mad, so mad.

"I don't give a fuck about Niall right now. Move." Harry pushed the door and let himself in, he's had enough of this. It's been a week since they fought, the longest week in his life. They barely spoke. The only thing Louis had said to him was a day after the fight; when he finally left the room, he locked himself in. He demanded to be taken back home, and Harry obviously complied; he couldn't see how keeping them there could possibly make anything better.

The taller man, without saying a word headed straight to Louis’ room. He didn’t want to enrage his boyfriend even further by exposing his presence to Niall; after all, Louis was still unaware that his friend knew about the relationship.

The student just sat on the bed, waiting. Minutes he spent on the unmade bed felt more like hours, days even when the time dragged mercilessly as he sat and waited for Louis to join him in the bedroom. He was not going to leave, not this time. He’d spend the entire weekend on that stupid bed if he had to. It wasn’t him who he was worried about, it was Louis. He wanted to patch things up because, from Niall’s updates, which Harry has forced him to send even though they weren’t close, it looked like his man was not doing well, his mental state slowly deteriorating even though he excused his behaviour with working too much.

The silence broken by the muffled sound of the telly, seeping through the cracks from the living room was particularly heavy, torturing the student who laid on the bed; his face nuzzled against a pillow that smelled like the man he loved.

It was something around two hours later that Louis finally entered his room, sitting on the edge the bed, his feet kicking in the air as he looked at a not particularly interesting spot on his carpet.

“Are you ready to talk to me now?” The student asked; keeping his tone neutral not to trigger his man.

"Whatever gets you to leave." Louis scoffed and… it hurt. Styles could understand why his lover was hostile right after the fight, but now it became apparent that Tomlinson was the type to hold a grudge, he never came off as such. Perhaps this making amends thing was going to be harder than brunette anticipated.

“I am sorry for what I’ve said Louis, I feel horrible. It was never my intention to put pressure on you, especially when I’ve always said I wouldn’t do that.” Harry sat on the bed, his man as far away from him as it was possible, closed off, his hands crossed on his chest. “I will never do that, I will never put you in that spot again, and you can slap me if I try."

“Okay.” The smaller one just mumbled and shrugged flippantly, a true war going on inside his mind, even if he never let that be seen.

Louis did not elaborate, he just sat like he was sitting the entire time, waiting for Harry to leave him alone.

“Louis I’m not leaving till you either forgive me or dump me.” Brunette broke the uncomfortable silence that hung in between them for a while. The air in the room heavy, making it difficult for both to breathe. A deep sigh left Louis’ parted lips; his hands were shaking. He was on the verge of breaking down just as he was every single day since their fight.

“I’m not going to break up with you.” The smaller one admitted, focused on pushing back the tears that started pooling in the corners of his eyes while he fiddled with his trembling fingers to keep himself occupied.

"Then what are we doing right now? We're not talking, how is this a relationship?" Brunette dared to decrease the distance between them. Louis felt his boyfriend getting closer, the mattress dipping under Styles' weight, but he didn't move. He had enough, the whole pushing him away thing drained him, he felt like a shell of the man he was a week prior.

"Was sort of hoping you'd break up with me." He whispered. Something about the whiling tone of his voice, making Harry's heart fall apart for whichever time that week.

"You can call me a faggot all you want… I am not leaving, I never thought about leaving. I love you for fuck's sake, and I am not a quitter." Styles admitted and placed his head on his man's shoulder as he hugged Tomlinson's body from behind, his silhouette seemed even smaller than before.

"You should be mad at me." They both sighed, brunette's hand dragging over Louis' arm, his body language telling everything about his reluctancy towards being touched.

“I was mad, or am… I don’t even know right now. I’m just relieved, to be honest. I was terrified this is the last time I’m going to see you.” He shifted in his seat and forced his man to look at him. “You have to take that word completely out of your vocabulary.” Harry looked in those blue eyes, the ones that he knew so well, but somehow, they seemed foreign. “You’re beautiful, you can’t think of yourself like that. Nothing good comes out from putting yourself down like that, I won’t let you do that.”

“I don’t know if there’s anything you could do to help me at this point.” The younger one sighed deeply, shaky wave leaving his lungs which capacity seemed to shrink significantly ever since Harry came over.

“It was good before… this happened, was it?”

Louis did not answer, giving Styles a clear idea of how much he let slip through his radar. Something in Louis broke, tears started streaming down his face, his whole body shuddering. He felt weak, he was embarrassed, making a fool out of himself in front of his partner. His partner who just squeezed him tighter, his muscles muffling the shudders that shook his body as he wept. Even with everything that was rumbling against his skull, he could still appreciate how good it felt to be held so close. To have somebody near even when it was bad. The bad has never been so good when he was all alone.

Harry was biting back the tears as he stroked Louis’ head, soothing the boy who was going through something neither of them could understand. He couldn’t believe that he let his partner hide that part of himself from him. He kept cursing himself out in his thoughts because he should’ve known better, even if there was nothing that would indicate that something was wrong, that Louis was broken.

“We’ll get through this, whatever it is, baby. You’re not alone.” Styles whispered, trying to calm his partner down. He was so fragile in his arms, so brittle… as if he was going to shatter if he said something wrong. “I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much.” Brunette rocked his boyfriend to comfort him, his entire world nestled in his arms. It was bad for now, but Harry was going to do anything in his power to make things good again. Whatever it takes…

-

“Would you look at that, somebody’s smiley today.” Harry noticed as soon as he sat on a bench next to his boyfriend, a smile appeared on the boy’s face immediately when he saw his man approaching.

"It's a nice day today, a good one." Wide grin brightened brunette's face, it was a while since Louis had a good day. Usually, they were just "fine", but they weren't really fine.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. The weather's nice, isn't it?" A stranger passed the bench they were sitting on, and Tomlinson hasn't even flinched, even though they were sitting quite close; the lack of space between them would've been unacceptable for the boy two months earlier.

“Yeah, I’ve missed the sun.” The smaller one threw his head back, eyes closed. He let the sun warm his pale face.

“I did too, you have no idea how much.” Harry smirked at the second meaning of his words, he looked at his man, soaking up sunbeams. “What are we doing today?” Louis opened his eyes, squinting from the light shining directly into them, blue eyes finally lit up a bit after a long period of being dark and empty.

“I don’t want to say.” He chuckled, oh how sweet the sight was.

Styles was still not used to that Lou. Ever since the boy started seeing a therapist, there were two sides to him. The one he was then. The bubbly, relaxed boy who seemed not to give a damn about what people might think about him; Louis who even outside acted the way he did when he and Harry were alone, at least for the most part. Public displays of affection were still off-limits, but the student wasn't bummed out about lack of them, he wasn't a fan of these either way.

He loved that Louis, this was everything he ever wanted for them to be. Doing normal relationship stuff, going out… but for real this time. Talking, even touching from time to time.

But there was also “bad days” Louis. Distant, hostile. Not necessarily sad… just empty. He would just roam around like a ghost, barely speaking or eating. Harry would stick around so he wouldn’t be alone, to make sure he’s eating and taking care of himself. It was hard for him to see his man like that; battling with his thoughts, the twisted hatred he felt for Styles, for himself. For the entire community.

It was maybe two weeks from when they’ve made up that Louis finally brought himself to tell his boyfriend about the dark thoughts that tortured him ever since they started dating. He had his first appointment with a therapist that Harry persuaded him to go to. Just to see if he liked it. And he actually ended up making progress.

But the first day was the worst they have ever been through together. The boy just came back, looking completely normal, he told that he needed a shower which wasn’t weird since he was after work. But he wouldn’t leave the bathroom for half an hour, water still running, not answering when Styles asked if he was okay, so he got worried. He unlocked the door with a butter knife, let himself in and he just found him right there, sitting on the tiles, naked. Shaking, not even sobbing anymore. There were no tears left in his eyes at this point.

And then they were just sitting there, Louis closed in his boyfriend’s embrace. For a full hour. Harry never felt more useless, powerless, not able to do anything to help the love of his life through his crisis.

But then Tomlinson finally got the things that have been bothering him off his chest, confessing to the way he’s been feeling about this whole thing. It wasn’t easy. Telling the man, he loved that he just can’t help but feel disgusted by him; by the way, he was. The way they both were. With every word, Harry's face flinched; he felt like he was being punched. To be completely honest, Louis would rather beat the shit out of his boyfriend than tell him about his struggle, his thoughts. It would hurt less, both of them.

He was shocked that Harry was not angry at him. He was listening to Louis' rant like it was nothing, or at least he did not let the boy see that it wasn't. Louis was ready to get cursed out, thrown away to the curb because to be completely honest, he'd probably do that if the situation was reversed.

But it wasn’t, Harry wasn't an utter piece of garbage, unlike him. He just held him close, whispered how he loves him and that he’s always there if Louis needed him. That they will get through this. Together.

And there they were. Getting through this, together. Little steps…

Styles had no idea how to help his man with the whole internalized homophobia issue, that’s where the therapy came useful. They were nowhere near “fixing” Louis, the sessions were going on for way too short. But there were some changes, like the whole going out thing. They started slow, Harry walked his boyfriend home, late at night when there were barely any people on the streets. Then they went to the cinema, actually talking. Not acting like complete strangers. A small thing that was so major for the older one, the first real sign that it was getting better. He couldn’t be happier.

“Come on, what do you want to do?” Harry laughed, what could be so bad? He had some ideas, yeah but most of them unlikely since Louis’ sex drive suffered through this whole thing that was happening in his head.

“I wanna go to McDonald’s.” The boyfriend answered as if it was the worst thing he could possibly say. Well, it was not good. He was after a streak of “bad days” when he struggled to eat anything; now that he regained his appetite, Harry would rather have him eat something healthy, something that would help to bring back colour to his grey complexion but with how Lou’s eating got as of late, he wasn’t going to complain about McDonald’s.

"We can go to McDonald's." A small sigh left Styles' lips. "But we're eating healthy for dinner." He made a condition. How could he say no? Now that he had "his" Louis back, all he wanted to do is to make him happy, keep him like this for as long as it was possible.

Tomlinson just nodded in response and got up. He grabbed Harry’s hand and pulled him off the bench, a gesture so minor yet the only thing the student needed to know that his boyfriend was getting better, that it was going to be good someday. Good days only.

“Here you have it, sir.” Lou chuckled when his boyfriend placed a tray with his order right in front of him. “Your usual order of fake food.”

“Oh, give me a break!” Tomlinson dismissed the taller one’s complaints, digging right into his chips, dipping them in Harry’s ice-cream, something that his boyfriend taught him to do.

"Yeah, enjoy this because you're having a salad for dinner." Brunette's body shook a little when he laughed, looking at his boyfriend who was acting like he hasn't seen food in months. "With every vegetable, I can think of." He added.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Louis sighed deeply; mouth full of chips. He leaned a bit into his man's body, and Harry was afraid that he'll start crying because to be completely honest… he missed his boyfriend. Even if they still saw each other every day, he hasn't seen that Louis, his Louis in almost two weeks.

As it turned out, he was not the only one who felt like that. The boy must’ve felt similar given that he decided to press into his boyfriend’s body even though they were not alone.

“I love you, baby, that’s the whole reason why I want you to stay healthy.” Styles whispered, his warm breath brushing his boyfriend’s cheek, corners of boy’s lips curved just a little. He missed that too.

Bad days were exhausting, he didn’t want to have bad days. Especially when he knew that these took a toll not only on him but on Harry too. That was the worst part, seeing his man, miserable, trying to do anything he could to help, but the thing was that nothing could help on bad days.

“What are we doing next?” Louis asked as they left McDonald’s, they were walking to no apparent destination, their hands brushing against each other, something comforting about the warmth of Harry’s skin on Louis’. Very unusual since there were passing quite a bit of people. But there was one thing that his therapist taught him. She just asked him if he ever paid attention to any random people, he was passing on the street. The answer was negative, that was the thing that helped him realize that people didn’t give a fuck about him. The biggest thing he took away from his appointments, something that seemed so obvious… but for him, it never really was.

“You’re not tired? How was work?” Brunette asked, still very cautious around his boyfriend.

"Work was… boring." Lou shrugged. "They hired two new guys, so I had to give them training. It was an easy day, but a boring one."

"Are they cute?" Harry chuckled; he didn't have any plans for them. To be honest, he'd gladly just hang out with his man. Just the two of them on a good day seemed like a godsend.

“They’re both like twenty years older than me. But to be honest… they could probably get it.” A joke! Harry got a joke out of his boyfriend. The first real joke he got in two weeks, excluding the awful, self-deprecating ones that brunette refused to even acknowledge.

“Excuse me?” Styles scoffed, a smug smile on his love’s face made him feel so warm inside. “I need to get some supplies, are you tagging along or do you have plans with any of your new boyfriends?” An exaggerated sigh left Louis’ parted lips, pulling Harry’s attention back to his face.

“I guess I’ll go.” He said; a complaint in his voice.

“They all look the same, Harry.” Tomlinson sighed when his man was carefully comparing four shades of blue paint, tubes stuck between his fingers.

“If they were, the numbers would be the same.” The student cut him off and put a tube of paint the closest to his boyfriend’s eye colour into his basket filled with other tubes that he didn’t pick so carefully. It was tricky, because Lou's eyes always changed, but he settled on the usual

“Is this everything? Are we done yet?” Yeah, the art supplies shop was not a place where the boy could spend more than fifteen minutes in. There’s only so much time you can entertain yourself with paint swatches.

"I just need some brushes and canvases, that's it." Lou smiled at the promise of leaving soon, and they shifted the lanes, now standing in one that was filled with brushes that for him all looked the same.

The brunette seemed like he knew what he was doing, putting a bunch of brushes into his basket. He was able to splurge a bit for better stuff since he still had the money they won in a scratch card. He blew away about half of it, well… blew away might be the wrong term to use in this situation. Harry was quite responsible when it came to his budget. He spent some on the weekend getaway fiasco that he didn’t even want to think about, it brought too many bad memories.

He contributed quite a big chunk to Jay's fundraiser, although his man told him not to. He did that when Louis wasn't talking to him. Used the opportunity, contributed anonymously. He told his boyfriend eventually, but it was a bad day, so it just fell over him like water off a duck's back. They never talked about it since.

“When is Zayn going to be here?” Louis asked as they cuddled on a couch in his apartment. He was laying on his boyfriend’s chest, the furniture too narrow for them both.

“When he feels like it. You know him.” Yeah, he did. They hung out quite a bit together already. Mostly just sitting at Lou’s and playing video games. Harry was glad that these guys got along so well, he was worried if they would since his friend didn’t seem to be fond of his boyfriend before they met. But they got along just fine, bonded over their mutual love for cigarettes and playing games; something Harry could not relate to.

“Will you stay the night?” Styles chuckled silently as a soft brush his boyfriend was dragging along his face tingled his nostrils, his nose scrunching when he tried to get rid of the itch without involving his hands that were wrapped around his boyfriend.

“Of course, I will, sunshine.” Soft bristles were still outlining every feature of Styles’ face, his eyes closed as the brush swept his eyelids. They were just laying in there, unbothered and happy. Celebrating a good day not sure how the next one was going to be; there was no rhyme or reason to them, came all of a sudden, unannounced.

“I love you.” The smaller one whispered and placed a small kiss onto his partner's jawline. One of the home assignments he got from the therapist was to tell his boyfriend that he loved him if he ever felt like doing so. It was to reassure him that he’s loved and appreciated, very much needed because it was not only Louis’ struggle, they were in this together.

“I know baby, I love you very much too.” Brunette pressed his finger onto the top of Tomlinson’s nose, making him crinkle his eyes, the most adorable sight. “I’ve missed this.” Big palm dragged along Louis’ spine; a shiver followed the touch.

“I’m sorry.” The boy whispered; his words barely audible over the TV that was playing in the background even if nobody was interested in whatever was playing.

"What did I tell you?" Harry asked. "You have nothing to be sorry about, you are doing amazing, and I am so, so proud of you." The smaller guy didn't answer. He just nuzzled his nose in between loose material of his boyfriend's shirt and his bare skin. They enjoyed their time together, both of them taking in as much of this moment as possible to keep for the rough patch that was bound to come.

“How long are they going to sleep for?” Harry heard a familiar voice, spiced with a thick Irish accent when he was still in between the dream realm and reality.

“Ah, give them a break.” Another quickly identifiable accent joined the conversation. He opened his eyes and his lips curved upwards when he saw Louis, who clung to him for dear life. He wished they could stay like that forever.

But he woke up. And now, he twisted his head to see the rest of the apartment. Zayn was sitting right next to them, stretched in an armchair, his face lit up as soon as he saw that his friend was awake. He knew more than Niall about the things that were happening in Harry’s relationship. He always was there if Styles needed a shoulder to cry on, a buddy to hear him out and not judge too much. Still judge just a little bit though. Inevitably, he learned about more and more stuff that his friend dealt with on the daily.

Louis finally got caught up with the fact that his friend knew about his sexuality, he was shocked but relieved, all of this time he thought he’d have to search for a new place to stay when Niall finds out… the actual outcome exceeded all expectations. His friend just didn’t care; in his eyes, Louis was still the same guy he was even before Harry came into any of their lives even if it might not have been necessarily true. But they didn’t talk about any of it later, neither of them the type to discuss emotions and such.

Horan was in the kitchen, fixing both guys with a beer, a bowl of potato crisps in his other hand when he approached the sitting area. His ass found a place to sit on a carpet, back supported by a bean bag that apparently was a worse spot than the floor.

Zayn threw a controller at Niall, and they started setting up the game; Styles not taking his eyes off of his boyfriend whose body was moving ever so slightly as he breathed.

“How long have you been sleeping here?” Niall asked when it finally got to him that the tallest one was not asleep anymore. The man raised his wrist so he could see the face of his watch.

“Two hours.” Harry responded.

“There’s a bed in that room, you know? You’d be more comfortable in there probably.” The Irish one chuckled and took a sip of his beer, the bottle covered with a thin mist.

“Doubt it.” Styles answered and regret struck him immediately, his boyfriend squirming, his eyes opening when he heard a familiar soundtrack from the game.

“Hello princess.” Niall cackled as soon as he noticed that his friend woke up.

“Fuck off.” Tomlinson snapped back at him in his staple, northern accent. Great contrast between his words and the way he was rubbing his eyes, trying to get rid of the sleepiness. His eyes were dry, a result he had to deal with; a consequence of his habit of taking naps with his contacts still in, something that he probably shouldn’t do.

Lou slipped off his boyfriend’s body and greeted Zayn with a simple nod, heading to the bathroom right after.

“A good one?” Malik asked as soon as the door closed after Tomlinson. Harry got up and just sat on the couch, still not used to the lack of the pressure applied by his partner's body on his chest.

“A great one.” He just answered, eyes plastered to the screen with small football players running around green grass. A tiny, digital ball kicked between them.

Louis joined them soon after, glasses on his nose. He looked self-conscious, it was the first time Zayn has seen them. He relaxed when his boyfriend's best friend just smiled at him when he saw the frames, he couldn't care less.

This was the thing Louis liked that guy the most for. He was just so chill, never acting like he’s better than anyone even though he could make a good case for it. Always completely nonchalant.

"I missed them." Harry whispered, leaning towards his boyfriend's ear, his warm breath falling on Louis' earlobe. He just smiled, feeling genuinely happy, relaxed around people whom he'd never relax around before. Not when he was practically sitting on another man's lap, his man's lap.

“I like this.” Louis smiled to himself as he stroked Harry’s exposed belly, his head was resting on his chest. Boyfriend’s fingers tangled into his hair, tickling the nape of his neck.

“But do you REALLY like this?” Tomlinson’s palm flattened on brunette’s belly, making his tummy flutter a bit from the impact. His boyfriend did not appreciate the way Styles mocked him.

"Ouch." Haz complained even though his smile was as wide as it got. "Shouldn't we go to sleep? It's late." It was late. Zayn left over three hours earlier, and they were just laying there, in Louis' bed doing absolutely nothing, soaking up every second of the time they spent in each other's embrace, in the back of the head a dreaded wonder how much this was all going to last.

Tomlinson, instead of responding, just pressed his lips to man's stomach and started placing sweet kisses all over it. Louis had noticed that his boyfriend gained some weight lately, never said anything, only secretly adored those little handles that poked out from the sides when his man wore jeans.

“Can’t we just skip everything tomorrow and stay in bed? I’ll take off work, can you stay?” Something desperate appeared in Louis’ small voice, a tone that completely ruined the older one's mood. He couldn’t stay. Even though his boyfriend needed him so much, he couldn’t. He had already used his absences in one of the classes he had that day, used them up on bad days. Days when he was scared to leave his man alone because he was afraid, he might do something stupid.

“I wish I could, Lou.” Styles slid his thumb over his lover’s cheek. “But I’ll leave early, you won’t even know I wasn’t here. I’ll come back before you wake up, make you something good for breakfast and we’ll just spend the entire day in bed, how do you like that idea?”

"Well, it's not a bad idea either. I wanted to keep you up for a bit more, but I guess I'll have to change my plans and tuck you in instead. Maybe sing a lullaby." Tomlinson sat back and started fluffing the pillows, leaving only two of them on the bed. As if they were not going to end up sharing one anyway. "Clothes, off." The smaller one commandeered and with a deep sigh, Harry complied, sliding his pants off his body, dropping all of his clothes on the floor.

Louis didn’t keep his promise of tucking his boyfriend in. They just laid there, both heads on one of the pillows, looking into each other’s eyes.

“How about that lullaby?” Styles asked, his hand squeezing his boyfriend’s. Louis just smiled and started humming the first song that came to his mind. Something so soothing about the whole scenery made brunette fall asleep almost immediately, the smaller one wasn’t that lucky. He was looking at his man’s sound face and thinking, thinking too much. Thinking how Harry did nothing to deserve the things he’s been put through by his boyfriend…

Subtle sunlight was flooding Louis’ bedroom when Harry woke up just when his alarm started going off. Six in the morning, way too early for anyone to be waking up. Especially when they fell asleep around three.

Tomlinson was laying to the side of the bed, quite far away from the second man considering how close to each other they were when Harry drifted into sleep. His hair was all over the place, hands twisted around his body in weird positions. He squirmed and moaned when his boyfriend was getting off the bed, trying not to disturb his slumber.

Oh, how bad he didn’t want to leave, especially that he had his hopes up for another good day. Over time, he learned not to count on anything when it came to his man’s mood, there was absolutely nothing to predict it but Styles still caught himself anticipating a good day.

“What time is it? Are you back yet?” Brunette chuckled when he heard the quiet voice of his boyfriend, his head still buried into the pillow

“I haven’t left yet. It’s six, baby, go back to sleep.” In few leaps Styles approached the window and drew the curtains closed, hoping that the darkness will help Louis fall back to sleep. As soon as he turned to look at his man, he realized that it wasn’t necessary. Tomlinson was already back in the dream realm.

Harry left the bedroom and headed straight to the bathroom. The place was quiet, except footsteps, he could hear from the upstairs apartment. Ah, at least he was not the only one awake on this ungodly hour.

Without thinking too much, he hopped into the shower and turned the water on, instantly regretting his action. Cold water sprayed all over his naked body, causing him to jump back, which ended up in his back pressing on the tiles that seemed just as cold as the water. 

After a VERY refreshing shower, all woken up, Harry brushed his teeth with a brush that was a permanent element of this particular bathroom ever since his boyfriend officially came out to his roommate. Styles combed his damp hair with his fingers and put yesterday’s clothes on, upon looking at himself in the mirror, he realized that his t-shirt was wrinkled to the point of making it useless, he probably shouldn’t have thrown it on the ground like he did.

Harry knew for a fact that Niall and Louis never got to buying another iron after their old one broke six months prior, so the only thing he could do was to head back to the bedroom and search of something he could borrow.

His boyfriend hadn't flinched when the student opened the door to his room, he was snoring ever so slightly. He always did that when he was really tired. That's what motivated Harry to stay quiet even more. He approached the dresser that Louis kept his clothes in and pulled the right drawer. There were a lot of t-shirts, Tomlinson wore them almost exclusively. But the boy was quite significantly smaller than Styles was, which cut his options to two t-shirts that were big on Louis. One had a hole in it, so the man resorted to a white t-shirt with some logo he was not familiar with. He just hoped it wasn't offensive and slipped the shirt on his exposed torso, fit almost right. A bit tight around his belly, but it had to suffice.

The commute to campus was a bit longer from Louis' place, so Harry had to leave without breakfast. Something he never really used to do, but he wasn't going to risk being late, he had an exam that day. Quite an important one too.

He ran down the stairs that he got used to eventually, the only thing he dreaded about dating his man; only two minutes later he was already on a bus that fortunately took him directly to the school. To pass the time on his commute, Harry took out his phone, the one he secretly hated and kept it only for maybe two or three features.

One of those was the music player, which was a great upgrade from the one on his old cell phone. Now, it only took him a few seconds to find a song he felt like listening to, instead of minutes it took him on the old mobile. Just like on autopilot the man chose a track he especially gravitated towards at the time and closed an app only to hang his eyes for a bit on his home screen, a picture of Louis, all smiles on Valentine’s day.

This was by far his favourite feature. Unlimited access to pictures of his boyfriend, pictures which Harry took an abundance of, doesn’t matter if they were candid shots or means to immortalize some important moments they shared. Harry opened his gallery and scrolled through pics of his man mixed with shots of his culinary achievements. His lips curved up just a little as he found a shot connected to a particularly pleasant memory; he shook his head and locked the phone before he got the chance of getting a boner on a bus.

It took an absurdly long time for the man to get through morning traffic to his school, leaving him only five minutes to get from his stop to a classroom, absolutely not enough time to get something to eat on his way there.

He was strutting, manoeuvring through groups of students that for some reason weren’t in that big of a hurry to get to the class. Harry only stopped by the vending machine to get himself a bottle of water so he could get through the lecture.

Thankfully, Zayn was already in his seat when Styles got to the room, not even a minute before the class started. Harry wasn't so sure that his friend would be there, it was the only class Zayn attended that was this early, and he got pretty drunk at Louis' the day prior.

“Why did you do this to me?” The man complained just as his friend took the seat next to him; he looked rough. Still better than anybody present in the classroom though, in the whole building probably. His deep, brown eyes had dark circles around them, his cinnamon skin a bit more grey than usual. He even had a cap on his head, probably choose sleeping ten minutes longer over sorting his hair out. This wasn’t very surprising though; he always wore something on his head on the day of his most dreaded early morning class.

“Hey, I told you to slow down. Louis and I were good, you two were the ones who got plastered.” Styles refused to be blamed for something he was not guilty of. He and Lou were only hanging out and drank maybe five beers each, by the end of the night still absolutely fine. It was Niall who brought a bottle of whiskey just when Malik was leaving, causing him to stay for two more hours.

“That guy is going to be the death of me, there’s no outdrinking that motherfucker.” Zayn moaned and pressed his forehead to the desktop. “Still your fault for introducing us.”

"If I remember correctly, you were the one who introduced himself just to spy on my boyfriend." Harry reminded his friend, and he only got a chuckle in response, Zayn remembered.

The lecture started; Harry had nothing better to do than to note on a page he tore from his sketchbook. The sleepover at Louis’ was spontaneous, he didn’t have his laptop with him. By the middle of the class, he had two pages covered with his clumsy handwriting. Only then brunette realized how he doesn’t even write anything by hand anymore and that it’s the reason why his neat handwriting went to shit.

Harry’s stomach was gurgling violently. Chugging a whole bottle of water didn’t help that much. Every single noise more embarrassing than the previous one, Zayn found them hilarious for some reason, his mood way better from the one he started with.

Right after the middle mark of a class, the professor handed out tests they had to solve; Harry sighed when he glanced at the sheet of paper. He probably should’ve studied more. But he didn’t, he had to make do with the knowledge he possessed from the lectures, his whole studying routine was pretty much scrapped since he had a boyfriend.

Styles’ stomach wouldn’t shut up the entire time. Fellow students were giving him amused looks, Malik nearly died from trying to stop his laughter. Harry took a mental note to wake up a bit earlier if he ever ended up sleeping at Louis’ the night before his early morning class to ensure that this doesn’t happen ever again.

"Where the hell are you going?" Zayn asked when, after being dismissed, Harry started heading in the wrong direction.

“Home. Louis took a day off so yeah… I’m going to join him.” Corners of his lips lifted ever so slightly when he realized that he called Louis’ place “home”.

“So, now you’re skipping school because of him?” Zayn gave him a disappointed look to mock him just a little. “Is it even a good day? You should at least get laid for skipping.”

“I don’t know yet.” Styles shrugged and put hands into the pockets of his wrinkled pants. “I guess I’ll find out when I get there. I have to bounce before I starve to death.” The shorter one chuckled at the memory of performance Harry’s stomach gave.

“See you tomorrow?” Malik asked as he started distancing himself from his friend.

“Yeah, probably.” Harry responded, he didn’t promise anything in regards to his attendance at school; Louis’ mood swings were too unpredictable to do that.

Little short of an hour later, Harry was browsing shelves of a grocery store located two streets from his boyfriend's place. He was putting various vegetables and thought about the way how he could smuggle them into Louis' breakfast. Styles himself craved eggs, so he kept in mind a simple veggie frittata.

Not even three songs have passed before the man found himself outside of his boyfriend's apartment, carrying a paper bag of groceries in his right arm. The dreaded moment has come; he had to climb the Everest of the building's staircase. It took him some time to get to the top, a significantly smaller amount than it used to take him right when he started visiting his man. Niall was right when they met for the first time. You get used to it eventually. Another bonus was the leg workout that those stairs provided.

Out of breath, Harry approached the door and unlocked it with a key he got from Louis. It was more convenient for him to just give a spare one to his boyfriend since sometimes, on particularly bad days he couldn’t be arsed with getting up to let him in and Niall wasn’t always there to do that.

The apartment was still silent, even more than before he left. Brunette took out the stuff he bought, and from the cabinet, he retrieved a pot which he filled with water, placing onto the stove and lighting a fire under it.

While he waited for the water to boil, Harry washed the veggies and cut the amount he needed in small, bite-sized pieces and put them aside. Next, he started cracking eggs into a bowl. When the whole dozen was already in, he started whisking them with a bit of milk, added salt and pepper to taste.

Harry put the eggs in a pan and started cooking them on the middle burner, agitating them constantly, so nothing gets stuck to the bottom. He quickly blanched the vegetables and put them into the pan, mixing to incorporate them quite evenly. The last step was to sprinkle some cheese into the dish, and then, the pan landed in the oven to cook through. 

He had twenty minutes to spare, so he cleaned all the dishes he managed to dirty, trying not to be noisy during the procedure. It was already eleven in the morning, it wasn't very early, but he knew that neither of the tenants was a morning bird. Harry placed half of a bread he bought into the oven to make some toast, doing it with actual toaster seemed like a big waste of time.

And there it was, twenty minutes later the breakfast came together. Styles flipped the frittata onto a big plate, cut it into triangles and plated two servings, placing them on a tray with some toast and orange juice.

He left the rest laying on the counter so Niall could enjoy some when he wakes up. Styles always made too much food, and Horan wasn't very disappointed with that fact, to be honest.

When Harry buttered the toast and placed two forks on the tray, he balanced it on his big palm and opened the door to his boyfriend’s bedroom.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." He murmured as he placed the tray on a nightstand. He approached the window, nearly falling over Louis' clothes that were scattered around the room. In one fell swoop, he slid the curtains and sunlight lit the entire room with warm light. The man pulled the window open and crisp air started seeping into the bedroom.

Brunette looked at the love of his life, sprawled on the bed like a frog ready for dissection and smiled. He wasn't wrong when he called Louis' place his home. Just now, he realized that his home was where the boy was currently located. Louis was his home.

“Are you back yet?” The younger one moaned, rubbing his eyes violently, still getting used to the light.

“Yeah.” Styles slipped under the covers next to his boyfriend and placed a small kiss in the corner of his lips.

“Stop, I need to brush my teeth.” He complained and yawned, stretching his body at the same time. The start of the day seemed to be promising for Harry, who admired the beauty of his man, eyes sleepy, hair messy, lips chapped. He still looked as beautiful as ever, at least in his eyes.

“I don’t care.” Styles got even closer, cupped his man’s face and held it in place as he started riddling Louis’ blushed face with small kisses. They were interrupted by the boy's stomach that started gurgling loudly. “Let’s eat.” Brunette chuckled and put the tray between them. Louis looked at the dish like he was assessing its edibility and then hesitantly took a bite of the thing.

“I like this.” He finally admitted and took a sip of the juice to lubricate his throat so food could slip down easier. “Did Zayn make it to school?” He asked, his mouth filled with toast, crumbs all over his bare chest.

"Surprisingly, he did. I don't know how he got up, he looked miserable, though." Harry briefed his boyfriend on their shared friend's state.

“It’s his own, damn fault. We’ve warned him.” Louis raised his palms, getting rid of any responsibility for Malik’s suffering.

"How are you feeling today?" The student finally had guts to ask the question. He had high hopes, but it wasn't always that obvious.

“I feel fucking good right now.” Louis admitted and for the first time, got a better glimpse of his boyfriend. “Oh, now you’re stealing from me?” A smirk welcomed his lips when he saw his t-shirt, tightly hugging his man’s body. “You look better in it.” Louis winked at his man who smiled at him, happy to see him all flirty.

"Liar." Harry scoffed and stuffed his mouth with food yet again, struggling to chew it all up. He probably shouldn't be eating that fast, but he was just incredibly hungry.

“Do we have any plans today?” Tomlinson asked in between bites, he was almost done with his meal.

“Didn’t you want to stay in bed for the whole day?” Confused look welcomed Styles’ face. “I thought we’d order pizza for dinner, or maybe make our own and cuddle. Cuddle a lot.” He smiled at his boyfriend; his expression immediately reciprocated.

“I still like the idea.” Louis put his empty plate back on the tray and fell back down on the bed, he was stuffed. He reached his right hand behind Harry’s silhouette and started stroking the skin on his lower back.

"You're so beautiful today." Styles murmured into his boyfriend's lips. After they finished their breakfast, they just went back to bed, laying mere inches from each other. "Each day, you just end up being more beautiful than you were a day before." Louis squeezed his lips together, smirking ever so slightly at the compliment. He knew his lover was full of shit, he looked awful.

“Now you’re the liar.” Tomlinson whispered and slipped his hand under Harry’s shirt. No, his shirt that Harry happened to be wearing. He flattened his palm on man’s belly and pressed a kiss onto his lips, sneaking his tongue inside, clearly stating his intentions as he tugged on Styles’ lips with his teeth.

"I've never lied to you." Brunette chuckled, and his boyfriend immediately had something to say about that.

Louis flipped their positions, pinned Harry down to his mattress, trapping his wrists next to his head as he straddled him.

“Never?” He asked, his eyebrow raised as he looked down on his boyfriend, smile not leaving his plump lips. “You’re lying yet again, a compulsive liar that’s what you are.” The boy dipped down and joined his lips with Harry’s. At first, he was delicate, gently rubbing his small lips against his boyfriend’s. Then the kiss transformed into a more passionate one, Louis’ intrusive tongue dominating over brunette’s like he never did before. They wouldn’t stop, linked for solid two minutes, pulling away only for spit seconds, struggling to catch a breath.

Harry wanted to touch his boyfriend so bad. He was just sitting on him, completely naked, teasing him like a little piece of shit he sometimes liked to be. He was stunned when he saw little those blue eyes glittering as his man looked down at him, his face flushed red, looking livelier than Harry has seen it in a month.

But Louis was stubborn. The more Styles tried to free his hands to lay them on his body, the more force the boyfriend put into holding them down. He smirked, completely aware of the things he was doing to his man, grinding his ass onto expanding erection in Harry's pants. The brunette knew his partner felt proud of himself.

“You’re going to drive me crazy.” Styles moaned into Louis’ lips as the boy, yet again dipped to invade the privacy of his mouth, the older one obviously didn’t have anything against his tongue being tackled by his boyfriend’s.

Tomlinson only smiled, not saying anything and brought Harry's hands up his head to free one of his hands, which he used to unbuckle his partner's pants and retrieve the belt that he immediately wrapped around his man's wrists, tight. Styles took advantage of the opportunity he got, and when Louis got distracted with tying his wrists to the headboard, he licked a broad stripe along his man's hardening shaft that got a bit too close to his mouth.

The unexpected sensation made the boy shudder; he pushed all the air of his lungs at once trying to compose himself. Oh, he was very much thirsty for the touch. He had other plans, though.

Louis got to undressing his boyfriend, but he caught himself puzzled as to how the hell was, he going to take the top off. Not thinking too much, he grabbed onto the edge and just ripped it. It was an old t-shirt, so the fabric gave way quite easily. Tomlinson pushed flaps of material to the sides and exposed his man's chest.

“You’re insane.” Styles tried not to give away how hot it was to be dominated like that, bound to the bed, deprived of all the control. He was sure that one particular part of his body, heavy weight on his thigh has already told his partner everything about the way he felt about this little game of his.

“Shut up.” Louis scolded him, trying to keep a straight face as he tore a big piece of his t-shirt, put it in a bundle and shoved into Harry’s mouth, leaving him dumbfounded.

The boy stuck his lips to his lover's neck, riddling his way down with love bites, dark shapes on the skin present as soon as he moved to another spot. Styles threw his head back, giving his man better access; his eyes shut as he was enjoying every little touch he was gifted.

When Tomlinson finally got through the patch of hair on his man's chest, he met with his nipples, the real ones. Harry whimpered when Louis' teeth pulled on the right one, sucking it soothingly right after. After quite a long break from having sex with his boyfriend, the student was twice as sensitive as normal, which was already a lot.

An inhuman sound slipped out from Harry’s vocal instruments as he felt a small hand slipping under his underwear to grope his heated cock. Jesus, he missed those touches so much.

“Shush.” Louis admonished his boyfriend as his hand emerged back to the surface, immediately joining the other one in a task of pulling down the rest of Styles’ outfit. Harry lifted his hips to help his man when he was struggling, his face more and more frustrated with every move. But then it worked, pants alongside underwear were thrown back at the door, leaving Styles exposed, all for Louis to take.

Harry was looking at his man, uncertain of his next move; his eyes devouring every inch of his man's skin while his hands were struggling to free themselves. His effort was useless, he felt how the belt dug into his wrists while he was fighting it, but it didn't budge, the grip as strong as in the beginning, if not stronger.

"Someone would like a little touch, huh?" Louis teased and dragged his hand down the path of hair leading from man's belly button all the way down. Styles whimpered both from the touch and in answer to his boyfriend's question. Fuck, he did want to touch, he wanted to dig his fingers into Louis' back as he fucked him. Fucked him for real this time.

Tomlinson climbed off his boyfriend’s body, brunette missing the weight pressing him down into the mattress even before he fully got off. But then, he just laid between Harry’s legs and his chilly hand wrapped around the base of his cock, a sensation that made man’s back arch just a little bit, a moan blocked by the fabric in his mouth.

Louis pressed his nose into man’s groin and inhaled sharply, savouring the distinct scent of his skin, moistened with a layer of dew that started beading on his skin while Lou had his fun with him. Tomlinson missed this, while he was the sole reason why they weren’t as sexually active at the time, it didn’t mean he didn’t dream about his man’s body, late at night while playing with himself to get rid of the tension that made him even more irritable.

But there, he was; all sprawled beneath him, longing for more of the touch. Silent pleading in his gaze, he begged for Louis to use him as he pleased.

“Fuck, you smell so good.” Lou growled into the thin skin of Harry’s groin; small chuckle shook man’s body. “What am I supposed to do with you now?” He continued, his head raised, staring on his hand wrapped around Harry’s cock, his length tilted left just a little, wide vein poking out from under the soft skin.

The hand started moving, pumping up and down along brunette's dick, making him go crazy, unable to vocalize any of the things that were going through his head. Probably for the better, he wouldn’t be able to keep quiet; he’d just wake Lou’s roommate up while spewing obscenities blocked by the makeshift gag. Blood was pumping through his body in record speed, rumbling in his ears. His eyes half-lidded, fighting the urge to shut closed. But the sight of Louis with a cock in his mouth was almost as arousing as the feeling in between his legs.

Harry bit into the fabric that stuffed his mouth as his man started sucking him off. He sucked hard, his tongue performing the dance he’s perfected in the course of their relationship, taking him as deep as he managed. The part that wouldn’t fit into boy’s throat was still fondled by his fingers that heated up as Louis was jerking his man off.

It was a long time since Styles relieved himself for the last time. This only made him even more susceptible to his boyfriend’s touch. He was very close to the edge a few times already. The first time embarrassingly early. His cock throbbing in Louis’ mouth only made the smaller one pull away immediately. He was playing with him, which felt more like torture to the taller one. He didn’t know this side of his boyfriend, but he sure loved it.

Harry's tip was colliding with the back of Louis' throat as brunette found himself on the brink of ultimate pleasure yet again, for the fourth time already, if not fifth. He was desperate, fighting for every single breath, feeling like he was not permitted to inhale; unable to do anything to ease himself. Long moans slipped through the makeshift gag, he felt like he was going to explode, he felt the way his cock was quivering, surrounded by heated walls of his man's mouth. He felt everything, he was almost sure he felt the way the dust suspended in the air was settling on his dewy skin, glistening in the light of sunbeams peeping on them through the window.

Louis looked up at his man and read the plea in his gaze, he had his fun. Harry was begging to let him finish. And he was going to do that. He decided to try out something he read on the internet about. He started quietly humming and pushed the entirety of his man’s length deep into his throat, throbbing cock pushing deeper as Harry in desperate attempt to finish started throwing his hips forwards. It worked; Louis didn’t choke as his man was fucking his mouth deeper than he ever did before. It didn’t take long till Lou felt his boyfriend’s erection twitching and hot come spilling on the back wall of his throat.

Styles was fighting with the belt as he climaxed; his back arched, eyes closed shut. The buckle was knocking at the wooden frame of the bed when Louis finally felt his man falling on the mattress, drained. Tomlinson slipped out softening erection from his throat and choked violently as he was doing so, tears moistening his blue eyes as he coughed.

He sat back on his bum and soaked up the sight. Harry’s legs thrown open, twitching ever so slightly, apparently still not over the climax he was gifted by his boyfriend. He was beautiful. His body shimmering in the light seeping through the opened window; flushed tone up from his neck, eyes closed shut. Neck covered with dark maroon bruises in a pattern that was far from random. His chest rising and falling frantically, without any fixed rhythm.

Louis slipped his thumb into Harry’s mouth and parted his bruised, bitten lips even wider. He removed the bundle of white fabric, now soaked with saliva and threw it on the floor, clinging to those lips he loved so much. Styles lazily reciprocated the kiss, still not fully in control over his own body.

The smaller one laid on the side, his head propped on his right arm. He watched his boyfriend’s body slowly calm down, tracing with his left hand the pattern of bruises he left on Harry’s body. Only then he realized that his man was still tied down to the bed.

He scooted himself up on the pillows and started untying the knots he made in order to hold his lover in place. It was easier said than done, nodes tighter than he left them, clasped even harder from Harry’s struggling. But after some fiddling with the leather belt, he freed brunette’s wrists, which fell onto the pillow, strained from all the pulling.

A broad strip embellished each of man’s wrists, two darker lines outlining the stripes where the edges were chafing the skin more than in the middle. Sudden remorse welcomed Louis’ thoughts as he was looking at how bruised he left his man’s body. Was it the post-orgasm clarity that came too early?

Tomlinson lifted both wrists to his lips and started kissing the circumference of each mark, delicately not to do any more harm.

“Jesus.” Harry sighed deeply, finally able to vocalize some of the thoughts that were rushing through his brain.

The boy brought his head back on the pillow and observed his man who was just blinking, getting his eyes used to the light.

“I don’t know what I am going to do… how do I even match the stuff you’ve put me through today?” Still panting, Styles looked at his boyfriend with admiration. “Do you want a car? A house? Fuck, it’s still not enough.”

“I got a bit carried away.” Louis admitted and nodded at bruised wrists.

“That’s so hot, baby.” Harry panted. “So fucking hot.” He cupped his boyfriend's face and pulled him back onto his body, kissing him with a passion he never kissed him with.

“I need a shower first.” Tomlinson smiled into the kiss when he felt his man’s fingers creeping down his bottom.

"Now I need one too." They chuckled, and Louis got off his boyfriend's chest. Harry squeezed his palm, their fingers intertwined, joined hands placed on Styles' belly; still moving without any detectable rhythm.

“I love you so much, Harry.” The boy declared as they were just laying flat on the bed, their breaths in sync with each other.

“There’s no word to describe the way I feel about you, baby.” Harry answered, his eyes closed shut.

“You know what? Fuck you. Why do you always have to outdo me?” The boy sat back and flattened his palm on his man’s chest. He was looking at him angrily, a smug smirk on his boyfriend’s lips.

“Fine, I love you. I just love you.” Brunette budged and chuckled, his smile finally reciprocated. “What about that fuck you, though? Is that a promise?” He murmured; smirk still plastered to his face.

“Soon.” A loud thud disturbed their little exchange. It was Niall leaving, Harry doubted if the man was even capable of using a doorknob since he always slammed the door shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated early bc why not :)  
>  Thank you for being here, I encourage you to leave some feedback.  
>  As always, for updates, questions or random ass rants head to my twitter @gerardisonfire


	9. Chapter 9

“It won’t fit.” Louis growled; frustrated note manifested in his voice. Harry heard how done he was with his task already.

“It has to, just push, it will fit.” Soft voice tried to calm down enraged Tomlinson.

“What the fuck do you think I’m doing right now? I’m pushing.” Stubbornness presented on Lou’s flushed from the effort face, little growls seeping through his tightly pressed lips as he pushed.

"You're a bunch of fucking idiots." Zayn emerged from the building and set on the ground two boxes he was carrying. He approached the side of the automobile and dented a corner of the mattress the two guys were trying to force into the vehicle Louis borrowed from work. "Now push." It worked, the subject of their hassle effortlessly slipped into the boot, leaving a bit of space which Malik filled with the boxes he carried down.

“That’s not embarrassing at all.” Harry joked and closed the hood. “I’ll stay and box the rest of the stuff. You go drop this off, okay?” He threw his boyfriend a key to his new apartment.

His lease expired with the end of March, and his current landlord decided he wanted to remodel the place, so Styles was forced to find something else. This was only for the better; he already outgrew the studio he's been renting since his freshman year of college and could move into something bigger.

Without any complaints, Zayn slipped into the driver’s seat; Louis, as always taking up the passenger’s side. They drove away, leaving brunette alone to sort his mess. It was the second day of his move, most likely the last one since there were only some odd pieces left scattered around the apartment.

The place looked bigger without Styles’ stuff in it. He looked around the space he grew to love so much. Mainly because of the memories associated with this flat, especially the ones from the last four months. But the change was good, very much needed since there was no room for him anymore in this place.

Harry unfolded a box and taped the bottom shut. Without rhyme or reason, he started putting everything that was left into the cardboard vessel. There was everything, the rest of kitchen equipment, loose art supplies and the last of his bathroom stuff. He was lucky to have Louis who let him stay at his while he was packing all of his belongings. Not that Tomlinson ever complained about having Harry at his place; Niall grew to love him too, probably more the food he made than him as a person but they were getting along pretty well.

All that was left to do was to roll up the yellow-stained rug Styles bought a year back and drop it off to the garbage. That was it. Everything he owned was out of the place he used to call his, now ready to be remodelled and inhabited by another student. A sudden nostalgia struck his thoughts. The first memory of him and his mom coming to see the flat made him smile ever so slightly. It seemed like it was ages ago. Like he wasn't even the same Harry, he was now.

It didn’t take long for Louis and Zayn to get back, a long honk announcing their arrival. Harry circled the place to ensure that he did, in fact, get everything out. He closed the window, thrown the rolled rug over his shoulder, a box of random stuff in his other hand. One last look at the place and he was already locking the door, slipping the key deep into the mailbox as he left the building.

“This is everything.” Styles dropped the half-filled box onto the seat next to him when he slipped into the backseat of a car.

“Are you going to cry?” Zayn teased him, gazing at his friend in the rear-view mirror. The joke made Louis chuckle. Yeah, there was nothing Malik could say that wouldn’t make Harry’s boyfriend laugh. They got along very well, maybe even too well for Styles’ liking. He wasn’t jealous, he knew that Zayn wouldn’t ever do anything to sabotage his relationship. He just wished that the banter between him and Louis would come so effortlessly, even on bad days.

One last glance at the building and Zayn rode off to the new place, leaving Harry’s old life behind.

Styles was dramatic about that change, even though it wasn't even that drastic. His new place was great. He got a bedroom for pretty much the same price he paid for his studio. He was located three streets from where Louis lived. Yeah, his commute to school was going to be a bit longer, but he was happy with sacrificing twenty minutes of his time daily for the comfort of having a real bedroom and living in walking-distance to his boyfriend.

“You should’ve just moved in with us.” Louis said while dragging wooden easel to the place Harry indicated. The bigger stuff was already set up around the apartment; by the end of the second day of the move, there were maybe ten boxes of smaller items to unpack.

“I’ve told you already, your place is too small for the three of us.” This was one reason for Styles still finding his own place even though he was asked by his boyfriend to move in with him. The other one was that he sometimes needed quiet time when he could focus on being creative. That was not something he was good at when Louis was in proximity; his mind wandered a lot when his man was nearby. Not to mention that Tomlinson himself was unable to focus on one thing for too long, and when he was bored, he got fussy and would just mess with his man for the sake of having something to do.

"Fine." The boy sighed and approached his partner who was setting up books on shelves of his home library. He wanted to help, but Styles has dismissed him, saying that he has a specific order he wanted his books to be in. "Just don't think I won't be spending every single minute of my life here." They both chuckled as the smaller one wrapped his hands around his boyfriend's chest, pressing his face to Harry's shoulder.

“I don’t think I will ever complain about having you here.” Styles smiled as he filled another row with books, colourful spines arranged neatly right before his eyes.

“Yeah, don’t jump the gun just yet.” Louis left his partner and entered the kitchen part of the apartment. He opened a box laying on the small island and looked into it. “Where do you want these… whatever the fuck they are.” He held up a bunch of kitchen utensils, Harry looked at him and smirked.

“Second drawer, please.” Without a lot of thought, Tomlinson started grabbing fistfuls of stuff and just chucked them into the drawer, there wasn’t much space left when he finished. The boy grabbed an array of big bowls and climbed on his tippy toes to place them on the top shelf of one of the cabinets; that’s how brunette stored them in his previous apartment.

“Are we staying here today or at mine?” Louis asked when the hand of a clock passed one in the morning. They were laying on a couch, exhausted but satisfied with what they’ve accomplished that day. Harry’s hand was fiddling with his man’s hair.

“Yours. I don’t even know where my sheets are at this point.” Styles sighed deeply and got up from the sofa, his boyfriend still sprawled on the furniture. “Come on, we had a long day.” Brunette grabbed his man’s cold hands and pulled him up, their noses almost touching. “You look very cute today.” A little peck graced Lou’s forehead, small smile welcoming his narrow lips as he scoffed in response to the compliment. He felt disgusting and knew he looked far from cute.

“Let’s just go home.” Tomlinson picked up his windbreaker and put his arms into the sleeves, leaving it unzipped. He took a loop around Harry’s new apartment, switched off every light that was on and joined his man who was waiting for him, key stuck in the lock ready to close the place down.

An elevator was another great feature of the student’s new building. His place was on the fourth floor, he would’ve never rented it if he had to take the stairs every single time. The place was silent, nobody in sight as they quietly got into the lift; the doors separating them from the outside world. As soon as they were left alone in the capsule sliding down the floors, Louis’ hand gravitated towards his boyfriend’s. He intertwined his short, cold fingers with his man’s that were absolute opposite. He didn’t even look at him; if he did, he’d see that sweet smile which curved Styles’ lips but the whole action was so instinctive he only realized he was holding Harry’s hand when he tried to get ahead of his man while leaving the lift.

But he didn’t let go, even when his body stumbled back at the elevator’s exit; hands still stayed linked, Louis’ palm warming up a bit from the heat provided by his boyfriend’s body. The streets were nearly empty as they walked, hand in hand. There was no need for talking. They were too comfortable with each other to force babbling only to rid of the silence. Harry rubbed his thumb onto his boyfriend’s palm as they walked in a gesture of fondness.

This was a big thing. They never manifested their relationship so openly in public, even though the whole experience seemed so natural; like they’ve been doing this forever. They weren’t. As immense as this whole holding hands thing was for Harry, it was even bigger of a milestone for Louis. Something he would never think about doing two months ago. His progress in therapy was mixed. While he still wasn’t ready to come out to the rest of his family and friends, he felt almost comfortable evincing his affection towards his partner in a public space.

His therapist successfully taught him that no stranger cares about him, whether it may be about what he’s wearing or who he is with. That helped. But the difference was that his family actually cared, that’s why it was so terrifying to even think about telling them the truth about his love life. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever grow balls to do that, to come out. Despite what he promised to his boyfriend.

Harry was patient, he didn’t even address the topic anymore. It was Zayn that tried to convince the boy to come out, Louis knew he’s doing this for Styles’ sake but he never actually said that; always claiming that Tomlinson himself would be so much happier if he finally came clean about his sexuality. While the whole “reveal” wasn’t at all traumatic for his man, which made him unable to identify with Lou’s struggle; Malik’s journey was a bit more complicated.

Zayn was born into a very religious Muslim family. His whole life, he was taught that being gay is a punishable sin. When in early teens he realized that he's not only attracted to girls, things started to get rough for him. He kept his discovery to himself, scared of becoming a child his parents would be ashamed of. He put up a front of this straight, religious guy up until he was eighteen. His mental state was the lowest it has ever been. He was an adult, able to provide for himself if he had to. One evening he just decided that it's time, to tell the truth.

And he did that. His parents were shocked, yes. But after they had some time to think things through, they turned out to be very supportive of their son. Religion was important for Malik's parents, but there was nothing more important than their children.

As far as Louis knew, Zayn never told that story to Harry. He wasn’t the type to give people reasons to pity him. But with Tomlinson, it was different. He could benefit from hearing his tale. Not to mention that those guys “clicked” almost right away, so the whole sharing thing was not that awkward.

“I can’t. Let me just die here.” Louis panted halfway through the stairs. His calves were burning as he climbed. An exercise not that tiring on a usual day; drained all the energy from his already exhausted body.

“Never.” Harry bent his legs in the knees, weirding his man out with his position. “Hop on.” Tomlinson complied. He got on a step ahead of his boyfriend and climbed onto his broad back, his hands crossed around his partner’s neck, legs wrapped tightly around Styles’ hips, big hands on Louis’ bum, securing him in place as brunette started to struggle up the stairs.

The job was not easy in his normal state, not to mention when the weight he was hauling upstairs was almost doubled. But he was stubborn, his legs weak as he took one step at the time; Louis’ giggles brushing on his ear distracting him from the pain. He was always there to pick him up and get through every obstacle he was facing, both figuratively and literally.

But then, they reached the third floor, and Harry still didn't let Louis go. He approached the door, trying to stay quiet not to piss off the annoying neighbour even more. Tomlinson reached into his back pocket and pulled out his keys, opening the door still on his boyfriend's back.

The place was dark, only a few orange beams falling onto walls from the streetlights. Louis didn’t get the chance to turn the lights on before his man, with the last of his energy took him to the bedroom and threw the boy off his back onto the bed, loud thud emerged as Louis’ body hit the mattress.

Harry was trying to get a glimpse of his boyfriend’s face but to no avail; it was too dark. He just fell back onto the bed, right next to him. Shallow breaths clashed with his neck, that’s how he knew Louis was staring.

“I love you.” Styles felt wetness on his bruised neck as Louis pressed his lips to it, placing a sweet kiss on the skin heated from the exertion. “You’re my favourite person on this goddamned planet.” Tomlinson whispered, his fingers gripped Harry’s chin and turned his head to the side, gaining Lou access to those soft lips he loved so much. He pressed his body closer to his boyfriend’s and kissed him. Something very intimate about the way Louis was spilling all of his feelings without even saying a word. “The best person… my person.”

Harry's teeth clashed with his boyfriend's after he unwillingly smiled into the kiss, the sheer purity of the moment, making the heart flutter in his chest.

“I love you.” Styles responded and pressed a peck onto his partner’s lips. “So…” Another kiss. “Very…” Yet again. “Much.” The last kiss finished with the tap on the tip of the smaller one’s nose.

Louis tossed his glasses onto the bedside table; he was forced to wear those since he failed to order his lenses ahead of time. He pushed the pillows away, leaving only one in the middle of the mattress, the one they got used to sharing throughout their frequent sleepovers.

Tomlinson squirmed for a bit until he got undressed without leaving the bed. He piled his clothes by the side of the bed and curled up in his usual position, facing the window. He heard his man’s steps as he took his clothes off, folding them neatly because… he was Harry, that’s just what Harry did.

The boy felt chilly air, brushing his back as his boyfriend slipped under the covers; sudden coldness immediately replaced by pleasant warmth as Harry pressed his belly to covered by goosebumps skin on Louis' back. Styles curled his legs up in a similar fashion and fully clung to his boyfriend's silhouette, lending him some of his heat.

With his fingers, the brunette started tracing shapes onto his lover's chest, his face nuzzled into brown hair that smelled like cigarettes, shampoo and polluted air. The smell Harry grew to love because this was the scent of his boyfriend…

-

“What did I say? No gifts!” Harry complained when Zayn handed him a gift bag, he managed to keep hidden from his friend the entire party.

Styles threw a little housewarming gathering when he finally got himself settled in his new place. Just a few people from school, his sister with her boyfriend and Niall. Louis couldn't be there. Unfortunately, he was working late that evening.

“Yeah, as if anybody else didn’t bring you shit.” Malik looked at the small pile of presents lying near the couch. “When is Louis getting back?” The man asked when his friend put the present on the pile.

“I don’t know, he said soon like two hours ago. They’re in a bit of a turmoil since the company has a major release next week.” Styles sighed and sat on a couch. Everybody had left by then, it was only him and Zayn, just like in the old days.

“How is he? I haven’t seen him in a week.” Tomlinson was either at work or too tired to attend any social meetings. Even Harry didn’t see him for two days already, which felt like an eternity for them both. They only had those longer breaks when either went to see their family, the situation uneasy for both of them.

"He was fine on Wednesday when I saw him. We've been texting, and he didn't complain, so I guess he's okay." The taller one answered, trying not to give away how frustrating it was for him to live so close to his boyfriend and not being able to see him. "Niall says he's fine. Tired but fine."

“How is therapy going?” Another question from a friend, who now was sipping his lukewarm drink; his eyes focused on his painting that was hung over the TV, yes Harry had a TV now, but only because it was already in the apartment when he moved in.

"Honestly? I have no idea." A deep sigh escaped taller one's gut; his face fell from the realization that it was the truth. "He seems to be doing progress, you know he's a lot better with this whole showing affection thing, but then I don't think he's any closer coming out to his family. He says he's getting there, but I think he's lying both to me and himself."

"What if he never does it? How long can you live like this?" Zayn went into the intrusive mode, yet again. Styles knew that he has good intentions, but it was a difficult topic.

“Then we’ll just live like this forever or just full-on move somewhere far away. I don’t see myself leaving him, I know it’s stupid but… I couldn’t.” The phone buzzed on the coffee table, announcing a new message. Harry grabbed the device quickly, knowing that it’s his boyfriend. He was right, it was Louis. A bright smile welcomed his face when he read the text, which just said that his man was off work.

“He’s coming, isn’t he?” Malik asked, something sinister in his tone. “I’ll leave you to it then. But this conversation is not over.” The man downed the rest of his drink, put his jacket on and left, leaving his friend alone with his thoughts.

It was too quiet, brunette needed something to distract himself from his overthinking. It was late though, half past midnight. Way too late to play something on his record player.

Styles resorted to his phone. He slipped the device into his back pocket and put on headphones, blasting loud music before he could ruin his mood with unnecessary thinking. He was happy to see his boyfriend, it had to stay like that.

He was roaming around the apartment, gathering every single piece of trash into the bin, taking all of the glasses on his second pass. His guests didn’t make a terrible mess, the party was small and pretty chill, so there was not that much clean up.

Small hums escaped Harry’s nostrils as he was washing the dishes that didn’t make it to the dishwasher. He was tired, the day quite intensive with school and the party afterwards. He regretted he didn’t choose the Saturday instead of Friday, oh well…

He felt the soul leaving his body when he felt a blow of hot air on the nape of his neck. His pulse sped up, heart jumped to his throat before he realized that it was Louis.

“Do you want to give me a heart attack?” Harry asked when he dried his hands and turned to face his man. Somehow, he looked smaller than he remembered him to be. His eyes glistening in the dim light as he stared at Styles.

“I’ve missed you.” Louis rested his head on the taller one’s shoulder, squeezing his body tightly, using up the rest of the energy he had left after a long week at work.

“I know, baby. I did too, so much.” Brunette’s big hands cupped his lover’s face, thumbs caressing the cheeks as he closed the distance between their smiling faces in a delicate kiss. “But now you’re stuck with me for the whole weekend.” A smaller peck on the tip of boy’s nose, even cuter now that it was blushed.

“Oh no, what am I going to do now?!” He joked and distanced himself from his partner. “I’m going to run myself a bath. It was a long day… feel free to join me though.”

“I think Gemma bought me some bath bombs thingies if you’d like to try one.” Styles remembered as he dried off the counter from droplets of water that splattered onto it when he was washing the dishes. Louis started going through the bags piled beside the sofa and grabbed the present he was looking for.

“How do I choose?” He chuckled at the paper bags he was holding. “Never knew you were a bath bombs kind of guy.” He finally picked one without even looking into the packaging.

“I’m not. Not even a big baths kind of guy, to be honest.” Harry shrugged as Louis walked into the bathroom, holding the bags of bath accessories in his hands. He put them on a counter, plugged the drain and pulled the lever of a faucet, hot water started cascading into the bath.

"Are you hungry?" Tomlinson heard from the living room; he left the door open, so it's not like his man was shouting, he was relatively quiet. Harry didn't want his new neighbours to hate him.

“No, I ate before I got off work. Figured you’d be after dinner already.” The boy answered.

It took some time before the bath filled with the desired amount of water. Louis was just sitting on the edge of it, checking on his social media platforms. Nothing important happened, as always.

Right in the middle of the filling procedure, he dropped the chosen bomb into the water, and it started fizzing like crazy, turning the water pink. The boy ended up just staring at it like a hypnotized child until it fully dissolved. Then, he just undressed; his clothes put in a pile on the floor and submerged himself in water that ended up being blush colour, quite boring for his liking.

He was in the bath for three minutes maybe when he heard some glass clinking and Harry entered the bathroom with a bottle of champagne and a glass for each.

“Classy.” Tomlinson chuckled when his man put the glasses on a small stool he had in the bathroom. He poured them some alcohol and looked at his man, adoring the sight right before his eyes. Before Louis caught, what he was doing, Styles already ended up snapping a photo of him. Submerged in pink water, champagne in his right hand… he looked heavenly, regal.

Without thinking too much, Harry stripped and put both sets of clothes in the laundry before he joined his man, slipping his feet under Louis’ bum.

"This is nice." Lou commented; his man hasn't said a word; his phone still in his hand, snapping candid pictures of the love of his life, all smiling and pretty. He was so beautiful. "Can you stop with that already?" Harry complied and put his phone on the stool only for it to get snatched by Louis, who now took a few pictures of his boyfriend. He sent them to himself before the phone's owner got a chance to delete them and put the phone down for good.

“Did you have a good day?” Styles asked, took a sip of chilled beverage and put the glass down to free his hands. He grabbed his boyfriend’s petite foot and started rubbing it. Firm but at the same time delicate movements caused the smaller one to whimper, he needed that.

"It was okay. Couldn't stop thinking about you, though. I can't go this long without seeing you." Louis vocalized pretty much everything Harry had to say. He just smiled and watched his boyfriend squirm under his touch, switching feet every now and then.

“You should’ve come after work.” Styles kept pushing all the right buttons with his firm fingers. “You have the key.”

They just kept on staring at each other; soaking up every single second of this tender moment.

“How much prettier can you get?” A soft sigh escaped Styles’ lips when he watched his lover emerge from the bath, quickly wrapping himself with a towel, the speed of the action met with a disappointed grunt from the older one.

“You’re so full of shit.” Tomlinson scoffed and left the bathroom. “Can I open these?” He asked and sat on the floor, knowing damn well that he was going to get permission. He didn’t know what it was with his boyfriend that he didn’t like opening gifts. Everybody likes that!

"Sure, have at it." Harry grabbed the bottle they've managed to empty before bathwater got cold, two glasses in his other hand when he joined his man in the living room. The smaller one was already tearing the packaging open, revealing various gifts.

“Ew.” The quick sound caught Styles’ attention right away. What gift would get that reaction? This was bizarre, to say the least.

"What did we get?" Harry asked and approached his boyfriend, who already got used to his partner talking about them as if they were a single unit.

Louis was sitting on the floor, his legs crossed. He was holding a picture frame. Brunette leaned over to see what picture was there and only smiled. He recognized the scene immediately. It was not that long ago, the day when they fell asleep on a couch at Lou’s place while waiting for Zayn. The gift-giver was revealed immediately.

“That’s cute.” Harry retrieved the simple frame from his boyfriend’s hands and took a better look at the picture. Louis laying spread on his chest, his face buried in the material of Styles’ shirt.

“I look horrible, hide it somewhere.” Contrary to his boyfriend’s request, brunette approached his little home library and put the picture on one of the shelves, right beside a cactus his boyfriend bought for him. “I will murder you.” The threat coming from Louis sounded hilarious. He looked so harmless. Something child-like in the way he was sitting there, his cheeks flushed from the excitement he got from opening gifts.

“I would like to see you try.” The man kept staring at the picture, bringing back a fond memory; one of many.

“I will murder him.” Tomlinson threatened yet again, Styles was curious what would make his boyfriend so mad at the man he was getting along so well with.

“Oh, go ahead. You have my full permission.” The taller one chuckled when he saw a small box his man was holding. Such an obscene sight. Louis with his boyish charm, looking as innocent as always, holding a sex toy impersonating a “personal massager”. In simple words: a butt plug. Zayn gifted them a butt plug. Talk about a housewarming gift.

The boy's fingers slipped between the cardboard packaging and took the subject of his inspection out. Harry just stood there and observed how his man traced with his fingers a simple construction of the product he was holding. A black matte colour of the toy stating boldly that this is a product for real, manly men only! It was a good call, though. The vibrant pink that usually formed sex toys, probably wouldn't have interested Tomlinson in a way the black one did. It's not like they were going to use it, but if they were, the colour was a good decision.

“This is supposed to go up…” A concept of ‘personal massager’ seemed difficult for Louis to comprehend even though they talked about anal sex numerous times, not to mention that the boy had studied some articles on his own. He wanted to be ready for it whenever it was going to happen, but the whole concept of treating his man like that… in his head, it still felt weird… like a violation, profanation, something borderline disrespectful to Harry.

While his partner always reassured him that he was ready whenever he was; that he loved the idea of crossing the last line with his boyfriend, getting their relationship on another level, Louis still couldn’t fathom how the hell anybody could enjoy the feeling of… No, it was weird; off-putting.

"Let's just get rid of it." Brunette proposed when he saw the concerned look on his boyfriend's face. Tomlinson's mind stopped wandering, and he put the massager back into the box.

“Put it somewhere. We might use it eventually.” The boy shrugged and tossed the cardboard packaging to his man who caught it and put into a drawer in his bathroom. Now his mind started wandering with a possibility of putting the gag gift to use.

“I’m tired.” Harry yawned, his mouth opening widely in the process. The yawn quickly spread; Louis’ jaws agape as he infected back his boyfriend. When their yawn exchange came to an end, the smaller one just stood up and turned off all the lights before he took his boyfriend’s hand and led him to the bedroom.

Tomlinson climbed on the right side of the bed, his side. Harry laid flat on his back; he wouldn't do that in a normal setting, but Louis liked to rest his head on his chest, so he was willing to make sacrifices. Just as if he was asked to do so, the smaller one took his usual spot. His cheek pressed to warm skin as he was dragging his thumb, caressing the skin right below brunette's right nipple. Both men were tired from an intensive week and fell asleep at the same moment, lulled by their synchronized breathing.

-

"Why are you not asleep?" Harry murmured just as he woke up; Louis sitting by his side, appreciating the view. "Stop staring, you creep." He laughed and brought his hand to his boyfriend, squeezing his thigh just to feel him.

“I’ve made breakfast but didn’t want to wake you up.” He confessed and put his hand on his boyfriend’s; yearning for the contact with the man he loved even though they had more than enough of that right before they went to sleep.

"You made breakfast?" A smile brightened Styles' face; it was not often that his man took upon himself preparing food for them. Harry tried to make him more capable in the kitchen, he taught him to make some easy dishes, but Lou still preferred for brunette to cook.

“Don’t get your hopes up. It’s just porridge.” Louis said with the most neutral tone he could bring himself to use.

“I love porridge!” Styles’ enthusiasm was maybe a bit exaggerated. He sat on the bed, his back secured by the pillows. He was handed a bowl of greyish substance, heavily embellished with fresh berries. “Looks amazing.”

“I haven't even used the microwave!” Tomlinson dug a stainless steel utensil into the breakfast and put a heaping spoon into his mouth, chewing just a bit since everything was pretty soft already.

"Yum." Harry acclaimed his boyfriend's creation. It was a simple breakfast, but more than enough on a Sunday morning like this one. "What are we doing today?" The man asked as he sipped the tea, the smaller one brewed for them.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Maybe later we'll sit and do some maths?" Brunette nodded in approval. The time of a-levels was approaching quickly, and their lessons were… difficult. Absolutely not because of Louis; his skills weren't even half as bad as he painted them to be. He benefited from individual tutoring, picking up things relatively quickly with the help of his boyfriend and YouTube tutorials.

The fact that both men had trouble focusing on anything near each other was the biggest obstacle. There were days when everything went up to plan; they watched some lessons, did some exercises together, then Louis did some alone and things like that. But there were also days where they couldn't keep their eyes off each other; quickly joined by hands, leading only to them doing absolutely no work, just making out in front of textbooks, not a great studying method.

“Can we stay here for a bit longer?” Harry asked as they both finished their breakfast. Now laying down, exchanging kisses sweetened by berries and honey Louis used in the porridge.

“You don’t have to ask me, I’m always up for cuddles.” Tomlinson smiled and tucked a loose strand of dark hair behind his lover’s ear. His fingers caressing the tender skin making brunette squirm from the simple pleasure.

He was right, he loved to cuddle. Didn’t matter if it were good day cuddles or bad day cuddles. They were quite different from each other, obviously, but he just loved being held in his man’s embrace; his skin caressed to show affection and support.

“Focus, for the love of god!” Harry grabbed his man’s wrists and shook him jokingly, screaming in his face, both of them laughing. “This is the last thing we have to do today, the faster you finish, the faster we can do something else.

“Do what?” Louis asked, a pencil squeezed between his fingers as he tried to work out the length of one of the square's sides using trigonometric functions. He struggled, quite a bit. Mostly from the fact that he wasn’t paying attention before, and now he was paying the price. He knew he would have to repeat the lesson on his own, he always did that.

"I don't know, that's not important right now." Harry glanced at the sheet of paper in front of them, scribbled with various triangles and calculations. "You have that one right. This is diagonal, getting the side from that is easy. Go." He instructed and completely ignored Louis, who was still staring at him. Seeing that he's not going to make his boyfriend participate in his procrastinating, he started writing something.

“Seven.” He sighed finally. His boyfriend took the sheet to check his answer.

"See? Not that hard." A slight smirk bent Styles' lips. "You're going to do those two at home." Harry circled two exercises and closed the book. He was proud of his boyfriend but tried not to express that too much. As much as it was possible, he wanted to keep "boyfriend Harry" and "tutor Harry" apart. The second one way more strict, which as it later turned out was a big distraction to Tomlinson as the boy found this persona "hot". The brunette could not blame him, he loved to be bossed around by his man in bed, but the switched position didn't do anything for him. Ever since he met that boy, he wanted to do everything to please him, that was how he wanted things to be. Not the opposite.

"What is that?" Tomlinson asked when he woke up from the nap he took on a couch. They were supposed to go out somewhere, but Harry's man fell asleep while they watched TV. He had no heart to wake him up, so he just tucked him in and let him rest.

He finally got bored with watching his man sleep, like a creep he was, so he just pulled out the easel, new canvas and started painting. But the boy finally woke up, almost four hours after he dozed off and found his man placing short strokes on a dark canvas. Something familiar about that scenery made him think he was there, but he couldn't quite remember what it was.

“This is the pond we… where we went during Christmas break. That little bench, remember?” The student glanced at his boyfriend quickly, he was still laying down, observing his man working.

“You’re such a sap!” They both chuckled, it wasn’t new information for any of them. Yeah, Styles was sentimental. There was no denying that.

“I’m bored.” Louis sighed after ten minutes of looking at the painting coming together. He got up from the couch and hugged his boyfriend from behind, his head fitted on his shoulder.

The brunette knew damn well that there’s no way his boyfriend would let him work on his piece when he had nothing to do himself. He would always bother him until he stopped so, the taller one decided to save him the trouble and postpone finishing his painting.

“What do you want to do then?” Styles asked when he finally faced his boyfriend. Louis chuckled at dots of dark blue paint speckled all over his boyfriend’s face.

“I don’t know.” The boy touched his lover’s face with his index finger and started smearing the paint, making matters worse. “We can play Mario Kart?” He proposed and looked at the console he brought from his place since he spent the majority of his free time at his boyfriend’s.

"Sure, why not." Harry shrugged and felt his stomach gurgling. He put the easel back in its place and in few, big leaps approached the fridge. Just as he remembered, it was pretty much empty. The only things occupying the space were condiments and various alcohol bottles leftover from his housewarming party. "Do we go shopping or just order something?" Styles asked and poured himself a glass of tap water, downing the thing before he even got the answer to his question. "Why am I even asking." He rolled his eyes at his boyfriend, who was setting up a game for them to play.

“Pizza? Indian? Chinese? Salads?” Brunette chuckled at the last proposition, knowing that his man could not be serious.

“Indian.” The taller one made the decision. Both of them reached for their phones, ready to order dinner.

“You’ve paid the last two times, my turn.” Louis objected and started frantically tapping the screen of his phone.

"Fair enough." Harry gave up and tossed his phone on the kitchen counter. He didn't need the damn thing when his boyfriend was with him. He barely contacted other people. One of them was Zayn who knew that his friend was unavailable this weekend, other was his mother, but he called her a day prior. 

“I’ll be right back.” Tomlinson informed, grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the windowsill and slipped out on a poor excuse of a balcony his boyfriend’s new apartment came with.

Instead of staring at his boyfriend smoking, Harry grabbed two clean glasses from the cabinet and put a handful of ice cubes in them. Then, he just prepared each of them a drink, using the recipe Niall taught him some time ago.

He was sitting on the couch before Louis came back; drinks standing on the coffee table, thin glass covered with dew that collected due to temperature difference.

"Best boyfriend ever." The smaller one sighed as he grabbed one of the glasses and took a sip of his beverage. "Do you want to get me drunk, sir?" Accusatory tone laced his words when he realized how strong his drink was. "Men are the worst!" He exclaimed, still in his character. "They will get you plastered and take advantage of you! I'm calling the police." He shook his head, and contrary to his words, he took another sip of cold liquid. With the glass still in his hand, he straddled Harry's lap and kissed him, the drink hovering behind Styles' head.

Louis rested his free hand on the back of his lover’s head, pressing him deeper into the kiss; the sharp taste of tobacco smoke overpowering the taller man’s mouth. Tomlinson felt fingers riding up both of his sides, resting on his waist as his man tried to close the nearly non-existent gap between their chests. Lou read his intentions and pressed himself closer, parting their lips only when necessary, striving for every single breath.

"Mario time." Harry chuckled into his man's lips as he felt the familiar pressure in his pants. His man gazed at him, disappointed, eyes hazy from the excitement. "We'll get back to that later." The older one promised, and his boyfriend climbed off him, nearly spilling his cold drink all over his partner.

He took one last sip from his glass before he set it back on the table, grabbing the controllers he prepared for them, giving one of them to Harry.

"Fuck you!" Tomlinson drew through his teeth when he was hit with a blue shell his boyfriend has launched at him. Styles used the opportunity and took the lead, leaving his man behind, frustrated. Yeah… Lou was not a great loser. That's why they didn't play this game as much as they used to. At first, it was fun for him since he won every single race. But then, the brunette started improving, and it didn't take long until he became an opponent equal to Lou, who had way more experience of playing the game.

"I'll get you another drink before you punch a hole in the wall." The taller one chuckled, enraging his boyfriend even more. "Mind that I'd like to get that security deposit back." He was gifted with the coldest stare Louis has ever given him. He only lost once! They played maybe ten rounds, and every single one was won by the younger guy, but one was more than enough to irritate him.

Harry grabbed their empty glasses and refilled them with another drink, a recipe for which he got off some YouTube channel.

He was definitely more tech-savvy ever since Louis practically forced him to use a smartphone. Sometimes, when there was nothing better to do, he would just browse culinary videos and learn new things, implementing the techniques and recipes later into his own kitchen. Way better than the actual cooking channel he used to watch frequently back in the day. Fewer ads, more actual knowledge in brief, ten-minute videos.

Just when he was bringing the drinks back to the table, rushing to get his boyfriend another dose of alcohol so maybe he’d calm down a bit they heard a doorbell. He set the beverages down and opened the door, greeting the young ginger at his door with a smile.

He didn’t get that greeting back. In return, he got a weird look, sheer judgement on boy’s face made him wonder what did he do to deserve the cold treatment.

“Thank you, have a nice evening.” He proceeded to smile even though the man never reciprocated his expression. Then the guy left, leaving Styles still oblivious to what caused that unusual reaction.

Just as he closed the door, he found his boyfriend giggling on the couch, a glass clasped in his small hands.

"What's so funny?" Brunette asked as he set the bag on the table. He headed to the kitchen to grab some cutlery, and only when he saw his reflection in the stainless-steel front of his refrigerator, everything became clear. He had a plethora of blue stripes all over his face and neck.

“Great! Now the guy thinks I’m either a weirdo or have some disease.” Harry sighed as he fell onto the couch next to the guy who still had a smug smile plastered to his face.

"You are a weirdo, though." Louis shrugged and opened the takeaway boxes, spreading them all over the table. "This is what you get for blue shelling me." The boy flicked his man's nose with his finger and took a spoon from him, digging into some soup since he was so hungry.

“It’s just a game. And you won all but one.” Styles grabbed a container of other soup and started eating it, taking bites of provided bread between the spoons of viscous liquid. Men ended up switching the containers when they were near the halfway mark.

“Shit, this is so hot.” The boy complained as he sipped the soup, taking big gulps of his drink as he went, to soothe the burning sensation in his mouth.

“It wouldn’t be as bad if you ate some bread.” Brunette smiled at his boyfriend’s reddened face, his tongue hanging in the air as if it was going to help.

"I have no space for bread." A stubborn look welcomed Lou's face, and he proceeded to eat the spicy soup. He gave up eventually, grabbing the container with yellow curry which turned out to be much milder.

“I’m dying.” Tomlinson moaned as he sprawled his body on the couch, unfinished dishes still spread in front of them.

Harry got up from the sofa, feeling much better than his man. He didn’t set himself a challenge to finish every single dish Louis had ordered. It would be too much for four people, there was only two of them. He gathered the boxes and shoved the leftovers into the fridge; taking upon himself preparing another drink for them as some of the dishes turned out to be spicier than anticipated; good, but challenging.

“A lifesaver.” The smaller one smiled when he was given a refilled glass, downing half of the contents at once.

“Slow down, big guy.” He was warned, the boy was on his third drink; strong drink. Tomlinson was never very good with his alcohol, maybe because of his compact size, maybe some other reasons. “We don’t want you to get drunk.” Harry sat back, pressing his body to Lou’s. “Hold on.” The boy became still as his man swiped a bit of sauce that was left in the corner of his lips with his thumb and sucked it off his finger.

“Are we still playing?” The smaller one asked nodding in the direction of the TV, their game still paused on the screen.

“No, I don’t want to get beaten up.” Brunette rose his hands up and surrendered. He turned the console off, the TV shutting down on its own. “How about some cuddles and then we’ll just go to sleep.” Harry looked at his boyfriend; his gaze foggy from the alcohol he consumed. Louis just nodded with enthusiasm; a vision very appealing for him too.

“What about a shower?” The boy asked and finished his drink, setting the glass back onto the table.

“I showered when you were asleep.” His partner confessed but then regretted it, realizing that he wouldn’t mind taking another one, especially in his boyfriend’s company.

“I’ll be quick, wait for me.” Tomlinson snogged his man briefly and headed to the bathroom, taking his clothes off on the way there; his step wobbly, making Styles regret putting that much booze in their beverages.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Harry reassured his lover and got off the couch to clean up the mess from the coffee table. As a result of his alcohol-induced inattentiveness, one of the mist-covered glasses slipped from between his slender fingers and fell on the tiled floor of his kitchen area, shattering with the impact.

“Are you okay?” He heard right after the water stopped pouring in the bathroom.

“Yes, I just dropped a glass. I’m fine.” The man answered and started gathering bigger chunks of broken glass in his left hand.

"Don't cut yourself." He was warned, and right after he heard those words, he pierced the surface of the skin on his palm with a sharp piece. The blood started pooling in the hollow of Harry's hand. He dropped the chunks of glass into the bin and headed to the bathroom, still not safe to even set a foot into the kitchen. He took out the first-aid kit from his cabinet and proceeded to stare at the wound. Blood dripping into the washbasin, contrasting with white surface of the ceramic.

Harry turned the cold water on and dunked his bleeding hand under the stream. Deep red diluted with water, giving the translucent liquid only slight tint.

“What did you do?” Louis asked as he slid the shower curtain and jumped out of the tub, not even bothering with drying himself off. He immediately approached his boyfriend, put his glasses on, grabbed his wrist and assessed the situation. “I’ve warned you, you clumsy…” The boy didn’t finish. Instead, he ripped the package of sterile gauze and pressed it onto the wound, applying the pressure to stop the bleeding. Harry couldn’t take his eyes off his boyfriend who looked so concerned, even though the cut was very minor; the bites he sometimes gave him were more serious than that.

“Here you go.” Tomlinson smiled when he finished bandaging his man’s wound. Only then, he wrapped himself in his towel which was a permanent fixture in Harry’s bathroom, alongside the yellow toothbrush that the boy was already putting toothpaste onto. Then, he did the same with his boyfriend’s brush, moistened the bristles with water and shoved it into his mouth without any warning.

Louis sat on the counter as he observed his man brushing his teeth, an activity so mundane but still fun, he’d watch paint dry if only Harry accompanied him.

“Wait.” Styles stopped the boy who already tried to jump off the counter; his mouth rinsed with water as he finished brushing. Brunette reached into the cabinet behind his mirror and squeezed a big dollop of his moisturizer onto his fingers, dotting white substance all over his boyfriend’s face, taking his time rubbing it into his skin as he smiled at the boy; blue eyes throwing thunders at the taller one.

Louis hated this part, Harry always bugged him so much to take care of his skin since he was rubbish at that. His skin care routine consisted of washing his face with his shower gel, that was it. And it was enough.

“You’re all pretty now.” Styles placed a peck onto his lover’s lips and distanced himself, letting the boy hop off the counter.

The older one was left alone in the bathroom as he washed the paint off his face, rubbed the same moisturizer into his skin and brushed his hair back, tucking unruly strands behind his ears.

When he came out from the bathroom after stripping his clothes off and putting them into the laundry joined by Louis’ outfit that he collected from the tiles, he found the boy sweeping the kitchen floor.

“Get away from there. Do you want to have glass stuck in your feet?” Tomlinson dumped the scoop into the bin, putting it back under the sink as if he never heard his boyfriend’s words. He grabbed a clean glass and filled it with water. Then, he just locked the door, turned the light off and headed to the bedroom, followed by Harry.

He set the glass on his boyfriend’s bedside table and hopped into the bed, curling on his side, facing Styles’ side of the bed, clearly indicating that he’s in the mood for their frequent talks about everything and nothing.

Brunette slipped under the covers and instinctively hooked his big feet with his boyfriend’s petite ones. It was the thing he always did since the boy was always cold but refused to sleep with socks on. That was for the better, Harry liked their way more; rubbing their feet together was something intimate, something theirs.

“How are you still sleepy?” The older one chuckled as he watched his boyfriend struggling to keep his eyes open, failing miserably. “You don’t have to fight it, just go to sleep. Staring at me isn’t worth it.” Styles swiped his thumb over his lover’s lips, moving to his cheek, caressing the skin soothingly.

“It is worth it… You’re so handsome.” Louis complimented his boyfriend sleepily, his half-lidded eyes focused on his boyfriend’s face.

“You’re drunk, silly.” A sweet smile turned into a yawn, Harry, yet again infected his boyfriend, his mouth wide open not even five seconds after. “I love you.” The man never moved his thumb from Louis’ cheek, still rubbing gently the skin along his cheekbone. “Beautiful boy.” The student awed as he watched his man fall asleep right before his eves.

There it was, the boy fell asleep, lulled by his boyfriend’s touch. His soft breaths landing onto Harry’s face. Delightful moment asking to be savoured, kept in the box of memories alongside all of the nights similar to this one. Every single one worth keeping, each of them so alike yet so special and unique. The purest of moments shared between two of them, mad in love with one another…


	10. Chapter 10

“Hello, sunshine.” Harry murmured into his boyfriend’s ear. He was pleasantly surprised seeing his man, laying next to him, his eyes nearly shut as he was still sleepy. Maybe surprised was not a fitting word to use in their case though…

Their schedules were not very compatible with each other; Louis was still working evening shifts, taking overtime almost every day since the warehouse was yet again underemployed. So, instead of going back to his apartment, he would just go to Harry’s and slip into his bed while he slept, just to spend at least some time together. It was the best they could do. Tomlinson was barely even visiting his own place anymore. If he ever wandered there, it was purely to hang out with Niall or take some of his things and bring them to his boyfriend’s place.

Styles didn’t mind their arrangement. He thought it was unreasonable that Lou still paid his part of the rent on the apartment he barely was at instead of just moving in with him, but his boyfriend was stubborn. He said that he won’t move out until he finds somebody to take his place, and he needed time to do that. Time, he didn’t have.

Tomlinson hasn't fully woken up yet, Harry didn't know when his man got home, but it was past two in the morning since he got up to use the bathroom then and he was still alone.

“Poor baby.” Brunette sighed and got off the bed. He had some time to spare before he had to go to school, so after taking a shower, he decided to treat his man to breakfast. He opted for scrambled eggs since they were good enough for them both and didn’t take long to make, giving Harry some time to spend with his man before he had to leave.

“When did you get here?” The taller one asked and set one of the plates onto his boyfriend’s nightstand, accompanied by a cup of tea.

“Around three.” Louis groaned as he stretched his stiff body, his half-lidded eyes still getting accustomed the light. Sunbeams bouncing off white walls, brightening the entire room. He got up eventually and took a sip of his sweet tea, staring at his man who was sitting cross-legged, right beside him, scooping eggs onto his toast. “When do you get off today?” The smaller one asked and started working on his warm breakfast.

“Four, you? Are you staying late today too?” A pensive expression welcomed Styles’ face when he realized that it was probably going to be the case.

“I’ll try getting back on time. But don’t get your hopes up, it’s a mess in there.” Louis sighed and smiled at his boyfriend; he hated the fact how little time they spent together. Anything besides weekends was off-limits, sometimes not even that since Tomlinson visited his hometown as much as he could.

“You better try hard because I will be waiting with dinner ready.” The smaller guy chuckled and took another sip of his warm tea. “You should sleep some more when I leave.” Harry's recommendation prompted by the dark circles under his man’s blood-shot eyes, he didn’t get enough sleep lately, for obvious reasons.

“I’m meeting Emma in two hours.” Lou put his empty plate on the nightstand and fell back down on the mattress, pressing his face to his man’s thigh.

"Your nose is cold." Harry snickered and grabbed the cold part of his boyfriend's face between his fingers. "You should nap when you get back, though. Before work."

"I'll see, maybe I will just clock in early so I can leave by ten." Tomlinson wondered, and his alarm started going off. He reached for his phone; his nose slipped out of his boyfriend's embrace before the boy turned it off.

“You should sleep… my mom called yesterday.” Styles started to approach the question he wanted to ask his boyfriend the entire morning.

“Yeah? How are they?” Louis got back under the covers, pulling them up, almost completely covering his face

“Fine. My mom asked if we’d like to come over for the weekend. Both.” The older one said shyly, his boyfriend hasn’t visited his family after Christmas, so he wasn’t sure if he’d be up for it.

“Why?” A puzzled look took over Lou's face as he reached for his man’s hand, taking advantage of the fact that they were together.

“Well, my mom is doing this thing where she invites some people over on the first weekend of May. Mostly just close family, twenty people at most.” Harry explained, each sentence lowering the chances of his man agreeing. “You don’t have to agree, I’ll just go alone if you…

“I’d love to go.” Tomlinson smiled as he interrupted the older guy. “Want to show me off in front of your family?” He joked and got up. He sat next to his partner and kissed him briefly, his mind riddled with doubt if he made a good decision.

“Something like that.” The taller one chuckled and gazed at the face of his wristwatch. “I have to go.” Brunette sighed and placed two more kisses on his boyfriend’s pale lips. “I love you baby, have a nice day.”

“You too.” Louis simply answered and fell back onto the bed.

Harry grabbed his backpack from the living room, put his cardigan on and left, slamming his door shut as he was running late already.

“ _Why’d you skip?_ " Styles typed as he was walking to the grocery store. Zayn failed to show up for any of his classes. It wasn't really unlikely of him, but usually, he would at least let Harry know he won't make it.

The brunette was already in between shelves in the store, putting needed groceries into his basket when his phone buzzed announcing a message.

“ _Sick._ ” In typical Zayn fashion, the text was brief, only necessary details provided.

“What are you doing here?” Malik asked when he opened the door to his apartment.

“You said you’re sick, so I brought a care package. But now… I see you’ve just lied to me, you fraud." Harry assumed that his friend had company. The main giveaways in the form of fresh love bites around his collarbone, his lips deep red colour.

“Should’ve known you’d come here.” The shorter man sighed and smiled at his friend. “Sorry.”

"I guess we're even now." They both remembered the situation when the roles were switched. "I brought you some soup, enjoy, I guess." Styles shrugged and handed his friend a bag of goodies. "Who is it?" He asked, curious if he knew the person that kept his mate from going to his classes.

The only answer he got was gesture Zayn made; acting like he’s locking his mouth shut and throwing an imaginary key behind his back.

“Fine, I’ll leave you two alone then.” The taller one shrugged and left his friend’s doormat, leaving Malik to his business. It was for the better. Yeah, he was a bit irritated that he took the time to get to Zayn’s and keep him company only for the whole sickness to turn out being made up to cover his sexual adventures but oh well… He couldn’t be very mad since he’s been guilty of doing the same thing a few months back.

“ _How’s your day? What are you doing?_ ” Harry got a text when he sat on a bus stop, waiting for his line to take him home.

“ _I’m good. Went to Zayn’s since he lied that he’s sick because he didn’t want to tell me he’s fucking someone_.” Only after he pressed send, he realized how bitter his message sounded. “ _Are you on a break?_ " He sent another text. He could've assumed that himself since it was right around the halfway mark of Louis' shift.

“ _Yes, thank you for lunch. It's delicious :)_ ” Harry chuckled at the stupid emoticon that brought back the images of his boyfriend’s smile. He got into the habit of packing lunch that Louis could take to work. It was way better than those ready meals he would usually buy on his way there. Oh, what a good housewife he was; preparing lunch for his man, attaching cute sticky notes to the Tupperware lids. “ _I’ll be back on time. Get that dinner ready._ ”

The second message brought the widest grin onto Styles’ face. This was going to be their first evening together that week; their contact usually cut to those sweet mornings right before brunette got up for school; Louis still barely conscious since he went to sleep much later than his boyfriend did. 

It didn't take too long for Harry to get back home; his new place was closer to Zayn's than his old one. Not to mention that rush hours were coming to an end, and the roads were clearing out slowly, making his commute quite a bit shorter.

Oh, how excited he was for the dinner with his man. He even took out the never-used tablecloth, ironed it and spread onto the small table that was in the flat when he moved in.

Habitually, they still ate at the coffee table; something very much theirs about sitting on the couch and eating heaping amounts of food, sharing every dish, so each could try everything.

But he enjoyed the romantic dinners with his boyfriend from time to time. This was going to be the third one, the first two happened quickly after Harry moved in; all excited with the possibility of having proper dinner dates with his man, even if they were to happen without them leaving the serenity of his apartment.

Yet again, he set a small vase with a single red rose in the middle of the round table, not doing any more flowers since they would only obstruct his view of his lover’s pretty face.

The time has come to ladle more broth into the risotto that was simmering on the stove. He approached the pot and mixed a bit of liquid into the rice that started becoming creamy but still needed more time.

A single candle in a simple holder concluded the decoration of the table, modest but effective. The furniture too small to do anything else.

There was still quite a lot of time till Louis gets off work, so Harry decided to finish the assignment he had to do for school; still paying attention to the dish bubbling in the kitchen.

His timer went off, startling the man when he got perhaps too focused on his project. The brunette got up from his desk chair, tucking a pencil behind his ear as he approached the stove. He tasted the product, and the rice was done, so he turned the burner off. He salted the dish, put some white pepper into it and grated some parmesan cheese to complete the dinner.

He popped a bottle of white wine into the freezer before he got back to the desk to his sketchbook.

An hour before Louis got off work, Harry stopped working on his assignment; a big chunk of work done, still, some things to tweak. He wanted to get all handsome for his man, so he headed to the bathroom; blasting music throughout his entire apartment to make the process more enjoyable.

Styles lathered his chin with shaving gel and quickly got rid of his unimpressive caricature of facial hair. Then, he sloppily brushed his teeth since he knew that he’d be doing that again later. After all of that, the time has come for a shower. A quick one since he wanted to give his hair the chance to dry before his man got there.

After he showered, Harry brushed his hair back; letting them air dry and fall wherever they wanted to fall. He spritzed some cologne onto his wrists and rubbed them behind his ears. Not too much, though. He didn't want the fragrance to be overpowering. A small dollop of moisturizer rubbed into Styles' irritated skin concluded his not very extensive date night routine.

On his way to the bedroom, the brunette turned on a burner below the pot of risotto he's cooked before to slowly reheat it. Just a few seconds later, he found himself in front of his wardrobe. Picking out the outfit didn’t take him much time at all. He slipped his legs into his new pair of jeans that he got while shopping with Louis and put on a patterned blue shirt his mom got him for Christmas. He tucked the bottom of the top into his black jeans, leaving three top buttons opened.

When he finally decided that he looked decent, Harry left the bedroom, closing the door after him. There was still some time until Louis was going to be there. Not knowing what exactly to with himself Styles just sat on his couch and listened to the music, browsing news on his phone.

Just as the hand of his watch passed ten in the evening, the man became very exhilarated. He got up from his seat, stirred the rice once again and turned the heat off since it was already hot. He changed a record for the same smooth jazz one that was playing when he met Louis, very pleasant memories related to the music that broke the silence as soon as the record started spinning. Harry turned the volume down not to interrupt any of his neighbours whose kids were most likely already asleep.

A flame on the top of a single, ivory coloured candle started fluttering frantically when the air started moving as Louis entered the apartment. A smile on his face indicated that he was just as excited as his man.

“Oh, you look handsome.” The boy complimented his partner as the taller one approached him and laid a quick kiss on his lips. “I feel underdressed. This is fancy.” Tomlinson inhaled sharply and relished the smell of his boyfriend. Perfume mixed with Harry’s own musk, creating intoxicating blend on man’s skin. “And you smell so good too.” Small nose brushed against the skin of the taller one’s neck, tickling brunette just a little.

"Go wash your hands, the dinner's ready." The blue-eyed man headed to the bathroom. As soon as he turned his back, his man's hand, fired in his direction, slapping him in the bottom that jiggled just a little from the impact.

“Hey!” Louis chuckled and ran away from another slap that his lover was going to give him.

The student plated two servings of the dish he made, grating some cheese on top of each portion; placing a few whole pieces of parsley for decoration. He would chop them normally, but it was easier for Louis to pick them off when they were whole, and it didn't really matter to him that much.

Tomlinson was already sat at the table when his man placed a plate in front of him; the dish he prepared familiar and very much liked by the younger man. He didn’t start eating right away, he waited for his boyfriend who went to grab the bottle of wine he chilled and poured them a glass each.

“You’ve googled what wine goes with this, didn’t you?” Louis joked as he took a sip of transparent yellowish liquid, moistening his lips before he started eating.

“Yeah, I might have.” Harry admitted and smiled back at his man who took a spoonful of his dinner, not forgetting to pull the green leaves to the side before he started. “How was your day?” He asked as his bite of creamy rice practically dissolved in his mouth. He followed the food with a sip of cold wine, not the best idea since the temperature change made his teeth ache.

“Work was pretty chill actually; they hired a new girl. I got to train her.” The boy shrugged and put another bite into his mouth.

“Is she nice?”

"Yeah, she brought cookies for everybody… good cookies. Her name's Nellie, she's around my age, at least I think she is… I didn't ask obviously." Harry felt something weird, taking up his thoughts. He knew the feeling, but it was ages since he felt like that. Was he… jealous? Of some random cookie girl? It couldn't be.

“What cookies?” Styles asked his boyfriend, trying to push the unfounded feeling out of his head; he wasn’t going to let this ruin his date. “How was therapy?” He added when he remembered about his partner’s appointment.

“Chocolate chip.” At first, it looked like Louis was going to completely brush over the second question, leaving Harry to wonder what happened. “Therapy was… okay, I guess. We talked about visiting your family.” This was it, the boy wasn't going to say anything more. He usually kept the issues he discussed with his therapist to himself, Styles didn't know why, but he was not going to pressure him into sharing.

“Did anything change in that matter?” The older one’s face fell at the thought that his man could’ve changed his mind yet again. It wouldn’t have been the first time. He was supposed to visit Harry’s hometown twice after Christmas but then chickened out right before.

“No, I’m going.” They exchanged a smile, the taller one’s mood improved right away. He reached his hand and poured Louis another glass of wine, filling his halfway-done along the way. “This is so good...” The cook just kept grinning; this was the matter he liked to be complimented on; something that took some skill, unlike the fact that he apparently looked good.

Neither of them realized that their feet were linked under the table until it was time for brunette to get up. He untangled himself from the embrace and took their dirty plates, placing them in the dishwasher. Out of the fridge, he grabbed two servings of chocolate pudding he prepared before leaving for Zayn's, so they had some time to set up.

Before he brought them to the table, he took out a handful of pretzels and crushed them with his cutting board. The cook topped both of the desserts with whipped cream and sprinkled with pretzels, adding to the texture, salt enhancing the flavour of dark chocolate.

"Enjoy." Styles set the decorative glasses on the table, and Louis gave the dessert a surprised look.

“Pretzels?” He asked and slowly scooped a spoonful of the dessert, Harry carefully observing his reaction.

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. It will work, I promise.” Still uncertain, Tomlinson put the bite into his mouth. His man’s attention still fully on him, observing how he chewed on the crunchy pretzel pieces until his lips curved up a bit.

“You’ve done it again.” Lou slapped his hands and proceeded with eating his treat, the other man joined him right after he was reassured that his boyfriend liked his creation. “How about the whole Zayn situation?” The smaller one broke the silence interrupted only by the smooth sound of jazz music, barely detectable.

“He wouldn’t say anything.” Harry shrugged. “Very unlike him, to be honest. Like he’s fucking prince William or something.” They both laughed at the idea of Zayn’s secret romance with a member of the royal family.

“Maybe he is. It’s not like he couldn’t get it.” Tomlinson kept the subject while finishing his dessert, sipping his wine in between the bites.

“He could?” The taller one raised his eyebrow. “If he’s so hot why aren’t you with him? I’m sure he’d be down. He was when he saw the sketch of you.”

“Oh shit, let me hit him up then.” The boy chuckled, his eyes glittering in the light provided by the flame dancing between both men. Brunette didn’t expect him to completely ignore the fact that Zayn had seen a realistic drawing of his naked body. “Ah, I’ll pass. Not my type.” Lou shrugged flippantly, not taking his eyes off Harry who was on his last bite of chocolate dessert.

“Yea? What’s your type then?” The man provoked his boyfriend and started sipping his chilly wine, trying to get rid of at least part of the sweetness of his dessert.

“I love me a weirdo… That bat shit crazy type where you don’t even know if he’s not going to murder you in your sleep.” Louis joked; his northern accent heavier than before. His right foot started riding up between Harry’s legs. The man just smiled at him. “Horrible feet creeps, borderline stalkers.”

“Where would you find a guy like that? Must be hard getting laid.” Styles mocked his boyfriend, petite foot still riding up his leg. But the student was faster, right before Louis could start massaging his crotch, his boyfriend caught his foot under the table and locked it in his hands.

“On Facebook.” Tomlinson started kicking, trying to free himself from the man who started tickling him in retaliation for his games. But then, he completely stopped; he refused to make Harry believe he won. “They have some of those. Creepy old dudes preying on small innocent boys trying to make some money. Disgusting.” A deep chuckle escaped the student’s gut as he tried to make his boyfriend react to his touch, still nothing. Obstinate look on Lou’s face, fighting the urge to burst out laughing; his leg completely still, determined to deprive his partner of the satisfaction of making him squirm. 

"I can't imagine how such beasts can even exist." Harry shook his head, still tracing his index finger along his boyfriend's sole. "Poor innocent boys…" He let go of his partner's foot, and it snapped right back on its place, next to the other one.

Louis got off his seat and refilled their glasses with the rest of the wine, downing the liquid in a few seconds. Fuck it, he drank his boyfriend’s glass too, he needed all of the liquid courage he could get.

“We’re getting drunk tonight?” Harry murmured into his boyfriend’s ear when the shorter one was preparing drinks for them; deliberately pouring smaller amount of booze into his man’s glass, making sure he didn’t see him doing that.

“Don’t judge me.” The smaller one sighed and pressed the rim of the glass to his lips, sipping the beverage that turned out to be stronger than he anticipated. “I’ll go shower, don’t go to sleep just yet.” The boy took his drink with him and closed himself in the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror, looking himself deep in the eyes and gave himself a silent pep talk, emptying his glass in the process.

While his partner was showering, Harry took upon himself cleaning his apartment up. He put the leftover risotto into the Tupperware, yet again he made way more than they could ever eat. He washed the pot and set it on the dryer, the rest of the dishes put into the dishwasher which the man turned on after placing the detergent in the right compartment.

Tomlinson took his sweet time showering. Surprisingly since he always rushed when he was in there alone. Brunette blew the flame on the tip of a candle and left the decorations where they were, thinking that they might be useful for their breakfast.

When there was nothing left to be done, the older man locked the door to his apartment, turned off the record player and just headed to the bedroom. He laid on his bed, still fully-clothed waiting for his man to finish his routine.

There he was, only a few minutes later. His body flushed red from the hot water he showered with; naked, as pretty as ever.

"I'll go brush my teeth. It won't be long." Styles promised when he felt Louis' minty breath on his neck. He vanished behind the door, leaving the boy alone. Was Lou stressed? Of course, he was. Some irrational fear making it hard for him to breathe, he felt like his lungs had shrunk. But he was ready, he had a talk with Emma when they met earlier that day, and she reassured him that there was nothing degrading about the thing he was about to engage in. If he was ever going to do it… the time was as good as ever.

The boy laid on his side, his back to the door as he tried to plan out the events of the night as if he was even able to predict how anything would transpire. It didn’t take him long to realize that it was stupid, considering how big of a wildcard his lover was.

"Look how pretty you are." Harry slid behind his boyfriend. His arrival was unnoticed until he laid on the mattress, his weight denting the hard surface. He pointed at the mirror Louis hasn't realized he was staring into. He looked completely normal, his man, on the other hand…

Tomlinson twisted his body, now facing his boyfriend who had his green eyes set on him, his gaze so soft and adoring. The smaller man placed a few, gentle kisses onto his boyfriend’s lips, every next one a bit deeper, their tongues in a synchronized dance. Louis didn’t know it he was just making things up or there was something different in those kisses. It was probably all in his head.

The smaller one’s face was cupped by his lover’s big hands, pulling him even closer, eventually leading to Louis straddling his boyfriend yet again. He didn’t complain, he was familiar with this position, he knew what to do.

“You smell even better than you did before.” The boy murmured, the voice muffled by his lover’s shirt as he proceeded to unbutton it; his nose pressed into his collar, savouring the distinct scent of Harry. His favourite fragrance.

After every button he got through, he lifted his head and placed heated kisses onto his man’s lips; lips that craved more every single time the smaller one dipped down, even though brunette knew he’d come back.

"You little fucker." Harry chuckled when he felt teeth on his left nipple, typical Louis, always getting his teeth involved. "You're impatient, huh?" The man asked when his partner started fiddling with his belt buckle, which gave way quickly. "My innocent little boy wants to get into my pants..." He shook his head. "Unbelievable."

“Oh, shut up already.” Tomlinson scoffed as he unbuttoned his man’s pants and slid them from his raised hips, accompanied by his underwear; both items of clothing laying on the rug just second later.

At this point, Louis still knew what he was doing; tugging onto his boyfriend’s length wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, he still couldn’t focus, unfortunately. He didn’t know if Harry had noticed that he was out of it. He hoped he couldn’t while he tried not to give away how stressed he was. He just didn’t want to hurt the guy that was laying down below him, so delicate, so fragile.

“Oh.” Harry whimpered as he felt his partner’s wet tongue venturing further back than it ever did before; a small hand was still wrapped around the taller man’s throbbing cock as the smaller one licked his way to Styles’ opening.

Lou had stopped pleasuring his man, leaving him panting; sprawled on the bed, desperate for next touch as he put a pillow under his man’s hips to gain himself better access. Styles whined as he felt Louis’ tongue brush over his rim; his cock twitching in his boyfriend’s left hand. It was a long time since he was rimmed, nearly forgot how he liked the feeling of the wet tongue down there. Almost as much as he liked being on the other side, making his partner’s body go limp from the pleasure.

“Fuuck.” Brunette moaned, muffling the sound with his own arm; pressing it against his lips to shut down short wails that either way managed to seep through his barricade as his partner slipped his finger into him, uncovering the last of the secrets of his man’s body. “Fuck, Louis. Fuck.” He continued whimpering as he thrust into Louis’ hand, feeling two fingers invading his privacy in such a pleasurable way.

His body was shaking from the arousal, naked body moistened by the layer of sweat that started beading onto it; more and more emerging with every move of Lou’s fingers massaging him from the inside, loosening him up for something Styles had no idea was coming. Dark hair sticking to his damp face, he could barely see his man since his green eyes just could not stay open; his focused dipped between his thrown open legs.

Louis' lips clung to Harry's shaft as he started bobbing his head up and down, sucking onto his man's erection. His fingers still dug deep into his man's hole; brushing onto something that he could only assume, by the way, the brunette reacted was his man's prostate. He let his man thrust deeper into his throat as he fingered him. He finally got the hype, seeing his partner shaking uncontrollably from the way Louis touched him was a feeling he couldn’t compare to anything else.

Styles’ cock hit the back of Lou's ’ throat as he released into his boyfriend’s mouth, a deep vibration travelling through his body as he squeezed the bedding so hard his knuckles turned out. His legs fell limp, exhausted as he panted, still unable to fully breathe.

“You’re ready, aren’t you?” Harry smiled when he finally regained control over his speech, he looked at the love of his life; the boy still hovering over him, looking very proud of himself.

“Only if you are.” Louis answered and looked at his man with uncertainty hidden in his gaze. 

"Do you think I'm ready?" Styles asked, looking at the hand, three fingers still deep inside of him. The smaller guy only chuckled and nodded his head. “We’ve talked about this… you know how this works? Is there anything you want to ask before we…” Louis shook his head, he felt like he’s done enough research on the subject.

“Do you want me to use a condom or…” This time it was Harry who shook his head. In February they went to donate blood together. Doing something good and getting tested in the process since they’ve planned to do this way earlier.

"Don't be scared." Styles tried to calm his partner down as he looked a bit terrified with the idea. "It will be fun." He added and kissed his lover's free hand, which he later squeezed; their fingers intertwined.

“You will tell me if anything’s wrong?” Louis took a deep breath as he warmed up a heaping amount of lube between his fingers. He’d rather have too much than too little. He circled his boyfriend’s opening, spreading a generous layer of slippery substance along Harry’s rim. The man winced under his gentle touch; he was so ready.

Tomlinson covered his tip with the lubricant and hovered his hardened cock over his man's hole. He swallowed loudly; his hands shaking just a bit. He hated new situations, and this was one of them. He felt his hand being squeezed in a calming gesture; the man he loved nodding, encouraging him to start. And so, he did.

Harry’s expression changed as soon as Louis pushed his tip into him. A visible discomfort on his face scared the boy, making him stop immediately.

“It’s okay, I just need a moment… it’s been a while.” The taller one pulled his boyfriend closer; their bare chests coming into contact; lips linked in a kiss more intimate than ever as Louis started slowly pushing into his man, feeling him clench around his cock. “I love you so much.” Harry whispered into his lover’s mouth as he started rolling his hips in a slow pace. He relished the feeling he was familiar with but never before as passionate and beautiful as with Lou. His eyes teared up, he was overcome with emotions, bombarding him all at once.

Tomlinson misread the tears in his boyfriend’s eyes and stopped mid-stroke, even though every single cell in his body told him to continue. He was surprised he could bring himself to stop, check on his partner even if all he wanted to do was to take the most out of the pleasure, as he never felt anything like that.

“Don’t stop, I just love you… so much.” Brunette reassured his partner who started yet again, pushing into him only to pull himself almost completely out; his thrusts looped as he kissed the man he was making love to. “Fuck.” Harry cursed when his lover’s tip hit his prostate, making his legs clasp around the shorter one, pushing him deeper.

Louis didn’t speak a word the entire time; focused on his partner’s face and making sure he doesn’t get carried away. He wasn’t going to get cocky and go deeper than half of his length; he read too much horror stories. But even that, with only the top half of his shaft, he felt a pleasure greater than anything he’s ever experienced. Half of which directly linked to Harry’s muscles clenching around him; the other part from the connection he felt between him and the man who trusted him so much, he hasn’t even hesitated before exposing himself completely, letting his partner do whatever he felt like doing to him.

The boy had no idea how did it happen, that the activity that seemed so obscene on the movies he saw on the internet, turned out to be so romantic; their bond stronger than ever when Louis thrust his hips, placing heated kisses on his boyfriend’s lips.

“I love you, Harry, I love you so fucking much.” The smaller one declared and pinned his lover’s right hand to the mattress. His grip tightened when he felt his whole body shudder as his climax approached; his cock spilling inside of the man who just kissed him as he felt his boyfriend reaching the finish line. “You are so beautiful.” Louis whispered when he slid his erection out, looking frightened at the damage he’s done.

The older man didn’t say a word until his man joined him, his head resting on the pillow, still carefully observing the body of the man he loved so much.

"See? Wasn't that bad." Louis was surprised by the fact that even after all of this, Harry was still in a mood to make jokes. Styles smiled, even though in Tomlinson's mind, he had nothing to be happy about. He was wrong, the brunette was just as thrilled, if not more than his lover was. He felt so many things at the moment, overwhelmed with love and the feeling of being loved. Lightheaded from the experience.

“Do you want me to…?” The boy asked, his hand travelling down to Harry’s erection that had risen while he was getting fucked. Only that thing, lying lazily on his boyfriend’s belly convinced Tomlinson that his man found the activity at least somewhat pleasurable.

“I’m tired.” Styles shook his head, his curls shaking around it. “Let’s just cuddle and ignore it.” Harry got his body up from the covers and slid under them, placing his head on the pillow he was soon sharing with his boyfriend; his back pressed to brunette’s belly as they spooned, yet again falling asleep, lulled with each other’s breaths.

-

"This is the last one, stop whining." Harry chuckled as his boyfriend scribbled furiously on the sheet of paper lying in front of him. They were relaxing on a blanket spread on the green grass in the garden of Styles' parent's house. "How much more do you have left?" The taller man tried to look above his partner's shoulder, but as soon as Louis had noticed, he flipped the page to the clean side.

“Three million questions.” The boy drawled, irritated. “Why do I even bother, I’m too dumb for this shit.” Brunette’s hand went flying into Lou’s direction and gently smacked him in the head, the boy knew why his man did that, there was no need for explanation. 

“The weather is so nice.” Harry changed the subject when he fell back fell on the blanket, next to his man who was still struggling with this maths exercises; becoming more and more frustrated with every passing minute. Styles started tracing his boyfriend’s calf with his fingers as he closed his eyes and let sunlight flood his pale face. 

"Yeah, it could've been like that yesterday." Tomlinson smirked as he remembered the events of the day before. Anne's family dinner went great, Louis was introduced to more of his boyfriend's family. Without any particular title though, just Louis. Everybody already knew what was going on. Surprisingly, the boy was barely even stressed uncovering the secret he's been keeping from his family in front of complete strangers. The whole dinner was ruined when a sudden storm caught them outside, forcing them to continue inside where there wasn't nearly enough space for everybody.

“What do you mean? The weather was perfect for grilling!” Harry laughed, his body vibrated as he still laid, stroking his man’s leg in an affectionate gesture. It was their last day in the man’s hometown. If Styles had anything to say in that matter, he’d just stay in there forever, all of his favourite people in one place.

But Louis had to get back; he had his a-level scheduled for Wednesday and that was the only thing on the boy's mind at the moment. The brunette knew that his boyfriend's fear was unfounded, he passed every single mock exam that they have done in the span of three weeks. Styles was confident that he's going to pass. Unless the stress completely takes over, but that was unlikely.

“You were supposed to do maths, not doodles.” Tutor-Harry came out to the surface when the man heard a pencil scribbling frantically on the paper.

“I finished.” Louis shrugged and threw the bundle of sheets into his boyfriend’s face. Now, he was the one laying, soaking up the sun as his man was checking the answers with the help of Louis’ laptop.

“How much, do you reckon?” Styles asked with a slight smirk on his lips. A smirk that the smaller guy couldn’t see; his eyes closed as he listened to music played from his laptop. 

“Dunno, forty?” The shorter man guessed flippantly, as always underplaying his abilities.

Harry hasn’t answered at first. He flipped his body and moved to his man’s eye level. He raised his top half and placed a quick kiss on his boyfriend’s heated from the sun lips.

“Seventy-two, you nerd.” Tomlinson tried not to give away how proud he was of himself but his disobedient lips curved into a wide grin, his front teeth exposed right in front of his boyfriend who adored the sight. “You’re so smart.” The taller one placed another kiss on his lover’s face. “I’m so proud of you.” 

"Do you feel like going on a walk?" Louis asked when he opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was his partner’s face, staring at him lovingly. “I need to buy smokes.” Brunette just nodded and got up from the blanket, the smaller one reached his hands, so his partner would help him up.

Louis locked his man’s palm in his as they walked the pavement in the direction of a grocery store. Whether they held hands or not, the town was small enough that Harry’s sexuality wasn’t necessarily a secret and people would just make assumptions either way. In the middle of their walk, Tomlinson got hot; the sun shining directly in their backs. He let go of his boyfriend’s hand and took his hoodie off, wrapping it around his waist as he recaptured his partner’s swinging palm. 

“I wish we didn’t have to go back.” The younger man broke the comfortable silence between them as they were walking back home from the store, a bag of groceries in Harry’s free hand. 

“Never saw you as a village kind of guy… we don’t even have McDonald’s.” Styles seemed both amused and genuinely surprised; like he thought he knows everything about his man already. “I was thinking about that too, earlier. That I’d gladly just stay with you here, forever.” Brunette rubbed his boyfriend’s hand with his thumb as he looked at him, all smiley and… happy. He looked pretty happy.

“You don’t know a lot of things about me.” A devilish smirk welcomed Lou’s face as they reached the driveway of Harry’s family home. “I’ll be in the garden.”

“I’m not gay enough for that.” Louis chuckled when Harry got back to him, his body already sprawled on the blanket, golden from the beams of setting sun. His man brushed over his protests and ripped a plastic packaging with his teeth. He unfolded a thin piece of paper, drenched in creamy grey liquid and without even asking his permission, pressed the face mask onto his boyfriend’s face; aligning the holes with corresponding features of his man’s face.

"Do mine." Styles laid down and gave his boyfriend the second mask he purchased in a drugstore on their way to Holmes Chapel. Louis regretted that he didn't take upon himself the task of buying lube when their bottle finally ran out; they were going through quite a lot of it lately. Oh well… the damage was already done. He opened the package, and without putting too much effort into adjusting the moist paper, he put the product onto his boyfriend's face.

“Don’t move.” Tomlinson commandeered and grabbed his phone, snapping a quick picture of his man with a mask painted like a tiger. “Fuck.” Louis cursed as he felt the paper on his face slipping off and just decided that he should probably lay down. “It tingles.” He complained as his boyfriend pressed himself closer to him, their fingers intertwined.

“It should.” A deep laugh shook the older guy’s body when he stared at the crown of the tree above them; green leaves dancing, ruffled by a slight breeze. “What are you thinking about?” Styles asked as they just laid there, saying nothing. 

“I just… nothing to be honest. I love being here.” He sighed, focused on a melody whistled by an undefined bird.

“Yeah, me too.” Brunette admitted. “I used to spend a big chunk of my summer holidays right in this spot. Just reading, or drawing… Never as good as this though.” Harry turned his head and started hysterically giggling at the sight of his boyfriend with bubbles forming on his face. In retaliation, he took a picture of Louis; his skin golden since he started developing his tan, partially covered by a face mask. “You look so pretty.”

“If you think I don’t realize what’s happening on my face right now, you’re mistaken. You’ve ridiculed me, Harry. I will never forget this.” The younger man deadpanned, his face as still as ever; eyes closed as more and more grey bubbles puffed on his face.

“Oh, shut up already. You’re adorable.” Brunette hovered above his partner’s face and stole a quick kiss from him, dipping the tips of his hair into the bubbles, some of which transferred onto his face.

Tomlinson’s expression blank as he fought the urge to pull his boyfriend closer, longing for more of those beloved lips. But he was stubborn, not going to budge.

“Are we going inside?” Harry asked as they were still on that blanket, barely speaking. Complete darkness surrounding their bodies as they laid there, the ground getting colder, followed by the air, blows of which raised goosebumps over the taller one’s skin. Tomlinson cosy, covered with his boyfriend’s cardigan. 

“What time is it?” Louis murmured as he got pulled out from his thoughts; he started dozing off. 

“Half-past ten.” Styles answered and got pulled closer by his boyfriend’s arm, wrapped around him. “We can stay some more.” The man slipped his hand under all of the material his partner was covered with. He placed his hand on Louis’ ribs and started grazing the thin skin with his fingers.

“Is this what you want?” Another question broke the silence of the garden where both men were looking up; the blanket moved further back so the tree wouldn’t obstruct their sight of the stars that were particularly bright on the night sky. “You want to live like this… in the middle of nowhere? Off the grid?” 

“My home is wherever you are.” Brunette admitted; his eyes still plastered to the sky, riddled with small white dots. “I’d move to London if you’d want me to. To Dubai, Tokio even if that’s what you want.” He didn’t feel stupid anymore. A few months back, he would feel so embarrassed to voice his thoughts like that; thinking that his long-term plans for them were ridiculous considering the duration of their relationship. 

He was always certain of the way he felt about that boy, sprawled under him on a blanket; his chest moving ever so slightly as he respired. But he was not always sure if Louis took him as seriously. That little date night they had just a few days back reassured Harry of his partner’s intentions. A certain event brought them so much closer, they had nothing to hide from each other anymore. This was it. Styles hoped that Louis was the endgame, so much better than he could’ve ever imagined it.

“You always say that you’ll be happy with whatever as long as we’re together but…. What do you want? You never tell me what you dream about.” The boy complained as he slipped his parted fingers into his partner’s hair. The tips massaged Harry’s scalp, the man whimpering under his touch.

“Yeah, I want something like this.” Styles chuckled. “Us, in a house in the suburbs. I’ve told you once. I want to raise the kids we’d eventually get. Cook for you, do your laundry, be there for you whenever you need me. Isn’t that just a fairy tale?” Harry’s head started shaking as his man chuckled; his reaction disappointing the older guy. He was serious about that, his partner apparently thought he was joking.

“I just got myself a housewife, haven’t I?” He kept chuckling, his finger travelling to his boyfriend’s cheek. “I want this too. Sounds like a dream.” Tomlinson reassured his man, fondling the skin of his boyfriend’s face with his fingers. 

“I love you, Louis. So much…” Harry kissed the top of his lover’s palm.

“I love you just as much, maybe more. Perhaps a little too much…”


	11. Chapter 11

“How did you do?” Harry asked as soon as Louis crossed the threshold of his apartment. His face completely blank, no expression whatsoever.

“I need to change first.” The younger man sighed and started unbuttoning his shirt.

“You look so handsome.” Styles complimented his man as he approached him, placing a brief kiss on his chapped lips. His hands dropped as he helped his boyfriend get through small buttons; their fingers meeting in the middle. “Tell me, please. I’ve been going crazy in here.” The man complained into his partner’s lips as they parted after a kiss.

“What smells so good?” The shorter one changed the subject as he draped the shirt and his suit jacket over the chair. Harry immediately got it from there and hung the jacket in his wardrobe alongside pants, which Tomlinson has stripped too, the shirt was thrown into the laundry.

“Cookies. I couldn’t focus on anything so… I’ve made you a little treat.” The man shrugged as he came back to the kitchen, he leaned to see into the oven, so he could check on his creations.

“What cookies? If some healthy, granola ones I don’t want them.” The attitude made Styles chuckle as he observed his man putting his clothes on, sitting on a couch right after he was finished.

“Chocolate chip.” The taller was pretty positive that he saw a slight smirk on his partner’s lips before he composed himself and turned his console on. His eyes still focused on the TV since he was in the process of setting up a grand-prix in Mario, so he could play with some online people. “You want me to play with you?” Harry asked as he sat next to his man, resting his head on Lou’s shoulder.

“I need the win right now.” Tomlinson shook his head and proceeded to race with his opponents that were probably a bunch of prepubescent children. But he did, in fact, win; every single round. A wide grin on his face as his partner told him that he’s amazing.

“Tell me already!” The older one snapped, grabbed the controller from his boyfriend’s hands and hid it behind his back. “You did good, didn’t you? Stop messing with me.” Louis was still silent as to how his exam went. Instead, he just pressed his body into his man’s and tried to retrieve his controller, ineffectively; the device still stuck behind Harry, digging into his back.

“I did good, okay?” The smaller one exclaimed, and his man gave him a little peck on the lips, the controller found its way to Lou’s hands right after.

“I’m proud of you, so proud.” Harry wouldn’t take his eyes off his man; he was staring at him with the widest grin on his face. “You’re so smart, so pretty. I love you so much.” Brunette straddled his boyfriend’s lap, his hands trapped Louis head as he tried to look at the TV. As soon as their lips brushed against each other, Tomlinson parted his ones; granting his man access. Access, Styles took full advantage of, invading the space with his broad tongue, rubbing against Louis’s smaller one. Their eyes closed shut.

“You know I love you.” Lou whispered as he pulled back from the kiss, fighting the urge to continue when his air supply has run out.

“Yeah? Why won’t you remind me?” Harry smirked and pulled his man closer, their lips again pressed against each other; teeth nibbling on the taller one’s bottom lip. A small whimper escaped Lou’s lips, getting lost in the moment as brunette started rolling his hips, rubbing onto his partner’s crotch. “Fuck, you’re so hot.” The man murmured as his lips dropped to his lover’s neck.

Louis’ thin skin was riddled with kisses, his boyfriend careful not to get carried away since he liked his man’s skin pristine; he was the one who liked to be bruised, marked as Lou’s own. Just as he was going to take off his partner’s t-shirt, the material restricting his access to the body he craved so much; the oven started beeping, announcing that his project was ready.

“Cookies!” Tomlinson shouted and pushed his man off his legs as he bolted to the kitchen, opening the oven right away. “They smell so good!” He nearly moaned when the intensified smell of his partner’s creation hit his nostrils; his mouth watered instantly. The boy pulled the tray out on the countertop, the way he grabbed the thing through a tea towel only made the older guy panic for a split second as he still sat on the couch, his breath shaky for whole another reason.

Louis just put four hot cookies on a plate and came back to the couch. He broke off a piece of the treat and put it into his mouth, scorching his tongue with molten chocolate. A long moan escaped his gut as he broke off another piece, this time giving it a bit to cool.

“Better than Nellie’s?” Harry smirked looking at his man, knowing damn well what the answer to his question was. Louis stared at him; his eyebrow raised as he chewed on a sweet treat.

“Since when do you get jealous?” The smaller one scoffed and cooled the reminder of his first cookie before he put the plate down, straddled his boyfriend’s lap and shoved the treat between those plump lips of his. “These are out of this world.” Tomlinson’s teeth gnawed at his boyfriend’s earlobe, heated air brushing against brunette’s skin.

“Jealous? Never.” The older one denied the allegations and threw his head back, making it easier for his boyfriend to feast on his neck; fresh love bites surfacing between the older, faded ones. Some of them overlapping creating a deep red mosaic all over Harry’s pale skin, one that he wore with pride.

Even though the older one denied the accusations, Louis knew damn well he was jealous. He was so obvious, asking about his new co-worker every time he came back from work. As much as this whole jealous Harry turned him on, Lou knew that he has to tell him finally how groundless his feelings are. All of this because he complimented some girl’s cookies…

“She’s cool and all but you have something she’s never going to give me.” The smaller one whispered as he kissed his man. His right hand slipped down Harry’s body and groped his stiffened cock, a long hiss emerging as Styles inhaled sharply through his teeth.

“So that’s it? All of this because of my dick?” The man asked sneeringly, his bottom lip sucked between his teeth as he was palmed through his pants.

“Who said anything about your dick?” Louis acted clueless, his lips moving down on his boyfriend’s exposed chest, the flaps of his shirt thrown open. But then he found his way back to his partner’s lips and started kissing them; brief, passionate pecks before either got too carried away. “You make me feel like I’m the most beautiful creature in this world.” Another kiss. “Like I’m important, loved.” Their lips met, yet again. “Like I matter. You make me happy, for the first time in years I’m genuinely happy. All because of you. All because I chose to show you my ass for money.” They both chuckled. Harry’s hands rode up from the boy’s hips and cupped his face.

“You are all of those things.” Brunette smooched the smaller boyfriend, shutting him up as he was going to protest. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, you’re the most important person in my life. I love you so much, you have no idea.” The man shook his head and smirked, still lost in those deep, blue eyes, darkened with lust. “I’m really glad that you’re so keen on showing your ass to strangers.” The smirk transformed into a grin, showcasing all of man’s straight teeth. “I hope you found another hobby, though.” Big hands dropped down and slid underneath Louis’ bottom, squeezing his muscly cheeks, wide smile settled on Tomlinson’s lips.

“Oh, I surely have new hobbies… I think you know which ones.” Their bodies shook as they laughed, Lou’s thin lips getting back down where they last brushed against his partner’s skin. Harry only hummed when his man was still fondling with his bulge, more and more prominent with every single touch.

“I’m glad you do. You’re a natural, it would be a shame to let this talent go to waste.” Louis smiled at the compliment as he unbuttoned his man’s pants, sliding them down, exposing his man’s engorged cock before his eyes. A sight so frequent, yet still making Louis’ own dick twitch in his pants. “Someone’s hungry.” Harry chuckled as he felt his boyfriend’s lips embracing his shaft, going down on it as he jerked the bottom half of it with his hands.

“If you won’t stop saying that I will bite your dick off, I swear to god I will.” The boy snapped as he raised his head above the shaft.

“Okaay, and I’m the psycho?” The student laughed, his body shaking as he thrust his hips, digging himself deeper into his boyfriend’s mouth; Lou’s tongue swivelling around his perimeter. Shallow breaths escaping Styles’ lips as he was getting pleasured. “Jesus fucking Christ.” The man moaned as his tip was graced with a series of small licks, making his head spin; blood boiling inside of the vessels buried under his skin, shining in the light falling through the open window.

“Let’s not bring him into this.” Tomlinson smirked as he took a few deep breaths and licked around the base of his man’s cock, still tugging the length with his right hand. His head dove deeper, the man’s pelvis at the very edge of the sofa, Louis kneeling on the floor as his tongue wandered around his partner’s rim, making him whine from the sensation that he still hasn’t gotten used to.

Harry’s toes curled up when he felt Louis’ finger slipping inside of him, massaging the circle clenched around it. The moves still a bit clumsy since this was a new thing for the smaller one, still more than enough to get brunette where he wanted him to be. Both of Louis’ hands found themselves on Styles’ rear end as he was spreading him open; two fingers dug deep into the man, nudging his prostate, his body quivering at the touch. Harry’s hand subconsciously gravitated towards his cock, throbbing weight laying on his navel. He wrapped his fingers around the erection and started jerking it up and down as his man fingered him, working him open for the final act.

Just as the student felt his climax coming, triggered by fingers clashing with the tender spot inside of him, he let go of his cock. The flushed length falling back where It was before, slapping onto his dewy belly.

“Just fuck me already.” The man pleaded, doing everything in his power to push back an incoming orgasm. “Please.” A desperate note in his voice convinced Louis. He slipped his fingers out, gave his man’s opening a few more broad licks as he took his t-shirt off and dropped his pants, which fell to his ankles only to get kicked off with the underwear. Harry’s exhausted legs resting, his feet flat on the ground as he watched his man rub his cock; something about the way he applied the lube very arousing, causing the man’s finish even harder to postpone.

Harry pulled himself up on the couch, his back supported by a pillow as he pulled his legs back up, letting his man in. He squeezed his limp limbs around his partner as the boy aligned himself, his hand supporting the top of his body, pressed right next to brunette’s head.

Tomlinson dipped his head, linking their lips in a passionate kiss; eager look on the taller one’s face making the smaller one push his head past his rim. Another kiss muffled the pained moan that slipped through brunette’s lips. Harry’s body trembled as his man pushed deeper into him, a sigh left his gut as his lover started thrusting into him, their bodies shifted in a fixed, synchronized rhythm, led by the movement of Louis’ hips.

“Is it alright?” Louis asked as he got a bit carried away, digging himself deeper than usual; a visual discomfort painted on his partners’ face. But then, the student nodded, the tears evaporated from his eyes, and he could get back to observing every change of expression on his lover’s face. His man extremely evocative while he experienced the ultimate pleasure, Harry’s muscles wrapped around his erection tighter than anything ever before.

Tomlinson started thrusting deeper, his strokes more rhythmical while he continued prodding his partner’s button. Harry gave up, he bit deep into his lip and spilt on his belly; hot come smeared by Louis’ tummy as he kept thrusting, extremely turned on by the sight of his man climaxing. Styles felt the metallic taste of blood on his tongue as he tightened his legs around his partner, inviting him even deeper, seeing the characteristic face his boyfriend made when he was close.

And he was right. His body still shivering, Harry pressed his lips onto his man’s arm and started pressing kisses on his soft skin as Louis rolled his hips three more times and shot inside of him; few additional thrusts for good measure before he pulled himself out. Exhausted, he brought himself to pull himself up so he could rest beside his partner.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Louis whispered as he watched his man calming down. His body still trembling, exposed right before Tomlinson’s eyes in its most vulnerable state. “I love you so much, you psycho.” He chuckled and placed a gentle kiss on brunette’s lips; a nauseating taste of blood entering his mouth.

“You’re the psycho.” Styles smirked as they shifted their bodies. “A whole nutcase.” The look he gave his boyfriend was enough to say how he feels about that boy. “Shower. I’m taking you out today. We need to celebrate.” The taller man stood up on his weak legs and pulled his boyfriend up by his arms, leading him to the bathroom.

“Oh, now you’re the prude?” Harry laughed when he noticed that his boyfriend tried to cover the bruises on his neck by buttoning his shirt all the way up. “No way, baby.” He shook his head and unbuttoned three top slots, maroon red marks at the forefront, just as he liked them.

“Is Zayn coming?” The boy asked as he fixed his hair. Considering the fact that his routine consisted of a bare minimum, he was ready before his partner was. He ended up passing the time observing Harry as he was rubbing the cologne he got from his boyfriend for birthday, on certain spots on his body, Louis had no idea why those particular ones.

“Yes, he’ll meet us there.” Styles finished sorting himself out. He fitted himself between his man’s legs, dangling from the counter the boy was sitting on and closed the gap between them. “You better not get too drunk.” He murmured into the boy’s ear. “I think it’s my turn, I’m starving.” His big palm slid down to his lover’s crotch and squeezed it gently, unamused look on Tomlinson’s face.

“You’re such an idiot.” Lou shook his head and jumped off the counter, he didn’t give his boyfriend the satisfaction of making him squirm under his touch.

“So? Did you guys get engaged or something?” Zayn asked when they sat in a booth of the bar Harry frequented with his school friends. Louis thought it was a place for hipsters that had something to prove, but his man liked his place, and the booze tasted the same everywhere, so he was not going to complain.

“No.” Tomlinson denied quickly, something about the speed disappointed his partner. Would it be so horrible if they did? For Louis, apparently yes. “Well, the results won’t be here until august but I’m pretty sure I’ve passed my exam.” Three men cheered loudly, their group standing out in the bar; the place wasn’t necessarily crowded in the middle of a week.

“Congratulations man, I knew you could do this.” Niall hugged his friend, tapping his back with an opened hand.

“Okay, don’t get emotional boys, we’re drinking. Tonight it’s on me.” Malik exclaimed when he high-fived Tomlinson as a congratulation, nonchalant as ever.

Niall took their drink orders and went to the bar to get them, leaving three men alone. Louis pressed to Harry’s side when Zayn was sitting opposite of Styles.

“I see somebody has already celebrated.” Malik teased as he was looking at the fresh set of marks on his buddy’s neck. He got used to seeing those on his friend. Personally, he considered marking your partner quite childish but as far as Harry had explained it to him, it wasn’t Louis’ fault. At least not fully.

“Oh, shut up.” His best friend silenced Malik when he felt his man squirm in his seat, his face blushed profusely. Louis was two different people when he was alone with Harry and when they had company. The improvement in his confidence was staggering, he felt so comfortable, especially when they were hanging out with Zayn and Niall. The four bonded quite fast actually, the hectolitres of alcohol they’ve consumed together speeding the process up. But when he was alone with his boyfriend, a little devil possessed his body, making him seem like a whole another guy.

“You better spill about the guy you’re fucking… or a girl.” Louis shrugged as he yet again pressured Zayn to give him an answer to a question that has been bugging him for a while now. To be completely honest, Harry was almost equally as interested; something very unusual about his friend keeping that kind of secret. He never hid details of his sex life from anybody, he was extremely liberated, no taboo with his man.

“There’s nothing to spill.” He shook his head as Niall came back, carrying their order on a tray; the beverages undisturbed since the man had his experience when it came to balancing trays on his hand. “We’re just having fun. If this becomes more serious, you’re going to be the first people who will know.” The man grabbed his scotch and sipped the drink without even flinching.

“He or she?” Louis insisted, slipping the rim of his beer glass between his lips, taking a gulp of bitter liquid.

“He.” The man admitted and shut down further questioning with a gesture of his hand. “I’m done talking about it so better shut it.”

“What is this about?” Niall asked, his staple accent flavouring his words.

“The guy Zayn’s fucking... or that fucks him, I don’t know.” Tomlinson shrugged and answered like it was the most mundane topic ever. His roommate almost choked on his beer, still not entirely accustomed to the company of three queer men who were this open around each other. He needed at least four beers before the topic stopped intimidating him.

“You better shut up if you want to live to the results day.” Zayn spoke. His face emotionless, venomous words seeping through his lips like he was reading a news handle, not threatening to kill somebody. “If there’s anything to talk about, I will talk. Now let’s just remember how long it took you two to tell me, to tell Niall!” Horan shook his head, false disappointed look on his face as he gazed at his best friend.

“Fair enough.” Louis sighed and fell back into his boyfriend’s body. He didn’t even realize he sat straight while interrogating his friend.

“Watch out.” Harry whispered when he carried his man back into his apartment. While they only had to make it from their Uber to the lift and from it to Styles’ apartment, it still posed quite a challenge for the brunette who was far from sober.

Instead of struggling with guiding his man through the corridor, Louis following the wall, bumping into it since his step was everything but balanced; Harry decided to carry his boyfriend to the bed yet again. The problem was that he already forgot that Tomlinson was heavier than he looked; a big chunk of mass accumulated in his bottom half, those thighs Harry had a soft spot for, that ass… well, neither of those helped when the man struggled to carry the love of his life to his place, full bridal style; Lou’s head resting on his shoulder.

Thankfully, the distance wasn’t terribly long. A minute later, Styles was already unlocking his door, which also proved to be tricky with Louis snoozing in his arms. But they’ve made it. The taller man knew his apartment as his own pocket, so he headed straight to the bedroom, not even bothering with turning the light on and delicately put his lover on his side of the bed.

After he calmed his breath down, his arms weak from the struggle; he lit the lamp on the nightstand, he already assigned the title of ‘Louis’ nightstand’. The brunette started undressing his partner, he didn’t really try too much not to disturb his slumber since he knew that there was nothing that could’ve woken drunk Louis up.

Harry smiled at the love of his life, sprawled on their shared bed and just now, he realized that his feast had to wait at least till morning. He was so in love with that guy, sure that he could not afford to lose him. He was his entire world; everything came down to Louis. His Louis…

-

“Don’t stress, we’re just going to sit and watch.” Harry tried to calm his boyfriend down as the younger man spread a blanket on the perfectly trimmed grass below a big oak tree that cast a shadow on ‘their’ part of the park.

“Yeah, as if us being here is not obvious enough.” A nervousness shook the boy’s chuckle when he tried to pose like this whole thing didn’t make him uncomfortable. Out of all of their dates, this one definitely took the cake as the one that made him feel the most awkward.

The first part was the fact that they were far from alone; tens of pairs similar to them, spread on the grass alongside the road, gathered to observe the event that was about to happen. A whole bunch of people in colourful clothing, staring right at them as they set up their sitting area.

“And why is that so bad all of a sudden?” Styles laid back on the blanket, his body propped up on his elbows, eyes plastered to the bright, blue sky. Harry’s second favourite shade of blue. “Are they back? The bad days?” Brunette’s hand subconsciously slid towards his boyfriend’s, the boy sat as far from him as he could, his legs crossed. His whole demeanour enough confirmation. “We can go back home, it’s not important.” He proposed, but Louis shook his head and looked around the place, stubbornly trying to convince himself that everything’s alright, he’s capable of doing this, for Harry.

Tomlinson mimicked his partner’s stance and just looked up at the leaves pushed by the wind, letting through just a bit of sunlight that fell onto his face. They were silent, every single cell in Louis’ body wanted to bolt out of there, leave the place where he felt so exposed. But he didn’t. He knew that this whole thing was important for his partner. Something he just used to do annually, Lou taking the place of Zayn who accompanied his partner a year prior.

Of course, he was aware how unreasonable his whole behaviour was. As if they weren’t strutting down busy college campus, hands tied as Louis dropped off his boyfriend at school just a few days prior. Idiotic, but there he was, yet again. Terrified of what strangers could think of him, what they think since his sole presence in there said everything about him, everything they wanted to know.

As Harry was laying flat on the blanket, listening to music blasted by one of those people surrounding them, a sudden commotion broke out on the street just a few metres from them. He propped himself back on his elbows and watched as annual pride parade started flooding the road with people, colourful in the best type of way. Couples holding hands, demonstrating their love for others to see. Unwillingly, his lips formed a grin on his face. He loved to encounter these kinds of things with his boyfriend. People being loud and proud of who they are, accepted, not repressed.

The student wished that perhaps someday he and Louis could do that. Not necessarily because public displays of affection were his forte, he just wanted to show his man that people are not as hateful as he thinks they are. Of course, there are still bad apples in the bunch, but the world had changed for the better for people like them both.

While his lover seemed endeared with the idea of them, out and proud walking with all of those people, Tomlinson looked at the scene from the whole another perspective. Something in the shape of disgust painted on his face, unreasonable revulsion dominating his thoughts as he saw two middle-aged men kissing; standing out from the colourful crowd in their clothes that seemed oddly pedestrian for the occasion, very much conflicting with the stereotypical image of people taking part in that kind of parades.

He looked at all of those people, his eyes shifted from face to face as he tried to push away those hateful thoughts that came back from the retirement. Louis thought he was over the issue, he didn’t have those ideas for a long while already, but the sight of people manifesting their deviation so loud triggered them all back. He couldn’t help but wonder why did all of those people choose that lifestyle. But the thing was that they didn’t choose shit, the other side of him was perfectly aware of the fact.

“I need to go.” Louis broke the silence between two men, the parade already passed them. Now, they were still laying on the blanket, relaxing, enjoying the weather.

“Did something happen? Are you okay?” The other man asked when he sat down, immediately shifting all of his attention to his boyfriend. He looked normal, his face blank. Or maybe not normal, after all.

“Are you coming with me? I’ll drop you off at your place.” Harry stood up, his partner picked his phone up and folded the blanket right after, pushing it under his arm as he started walking towards their car.

For any other person, Louis looked normal, neutral. Thankfully, Harry was able to spot those subtle differences in his usual behaviour that gave away that something was wrong. The most prominent one being the fact that he took the driver’s seat, even though he never did that when they were together. He was also silent, and Styles was the one to know that his boyfriend wouldn’t shut up when he’s with people he’s comfortable with. Apparently, the brunette was not that person at the moment.

“Will I see you again today?” Styles asked, leaned over the opened passenger’s window when he got dropped off in front of his building. Their drive, while quite brief, dragged for an eternity; Louis didn’t say a word, Harry neither, scared that he could make things worse. “Tomorrow?” The man asked again after his partner shook his head, not even looking at him.

“I’ll see.” Louis pressed his lips in a thin line and just drove off, not gracing his lover with a look, leaving brunette right there, on the curb. Confused, guilty since it was probably his stupid idea that prompted this whole sudden change.

Harry got back to his apartment, laid on his couch and started tapping aggressively on the top of his coffee table; his snappy body couldn’t stay still for some reason while he just stared at the ceiling, no thought in his mind. What happened? Everything was going so good; really amazing and somehow, he managed to fuck everything up. Despite Louis’ words, he knew damn well that nothing was okay. This is not how his boyfriend acts. He doesn’t just cancel all of their plans on a whim without any explanation. He doesn’t even go to his apartment anymore, it was weeks since he spent a night there, and he surely wasn’t alone then.

After some battling with his thoughts, Styles just got up, locked his place and started walking in a known direction. Maybe bad days Louis didn’t want him there, but this was not enough to make Harry abandon his partner in his most fragile state. Just no, he knew better than that.

With the fast pace, he took; brunette got to his partner’s place in no time. He stuck his key into the lock and let himself into the seemingly empty place. But then, he found him; laying on his bed, shaking as he sobbed and Harry’s heart broke in a million pieces at the sight of the most important person in his life hurting like that. It was a long time since the last “bad day”, the recent days never got worse than “fine”. And yet, he was there, his body trembling as he wept, his back turned to the door. Louis didn’t look back when the door opened, he was certain who it was.

Styles didn’t say a thing, the best he could do was to be there for his boyfriend. Words wouldn’t help a thing. Instead of saying anything, the man just laid behind his partner and wrapped his arm around the boy, swaying their bodies back and forth trying to calm the younger man down as he whispered that he loved him, the familiar feeling of helplessness struck back with tripled power.

“Do you ever just wish you were normal?” Louis finally spoke, a small voice emerged from his chest as he ran out of tears, a wet stain on his pillow that submerged all of those he could produce.

“No, I don’t.” The taller guy responded truthfully. His fingertips brushing against the top of his boyfriend’s palm, slender fingers slipping between Lou’s shaking ones. “If I was normal, I would’ve never had this, would’ve never had you.” Brunette murmured into his boyfriend’s ear, both sets of eyes focused on hands in front of them, fingers intertwined. “There are things way stranger about me than the fact I’m gay.”

“Yeah, there sure are.” Harry managed to get a smirk from his boyfriend, his blood-shot eyes contrasting with the expression. “I wish I was normal; wish I didn’t feel sick to my stomach at the thought of who I have become.” Styles sighed, his expression bleak when he imagined how miserable his boyfriend had to feel at the moment.

“Do you always feel like that? Do you feel sick when I kiss you? Does my touch feel disgusting?” Brunette asked, his fingers entangled tightly with his boyfriend’s as the possibility of an affirmative answer, terrified the hell out of him.

“Not always, not when you touch me… no.” Tomlinson shook his head. “But later, sometimes it just strikes out of nowhere, unannounced and I feel so ashamed. Harry, I don’t want to feel that way. I hate myself for even telling you these things but I… sometimes I can’t help it. I’ve been doing good lately, I was so happy but this part of me will always be there, I can’t control it.” A single tear rolled down the boy’s face, his whole body curled up as his inner suffering found its way out, his head pounding with an ache. “I wish I wasn’t like that. I wish I didn’t feel that way about me, about us… sometimes I wish we never met, you don’t deserve this. It would be easier if I never existed.”

Now it was Harry who started shedding tears, salty solution soaked up by his boyfriend’s t-shirt. His throat closed off, heavy weight blocking his breath as he pressed his partner even closer, his face pressed to Louis’ shoulder. How could Louis even say those things? The ease with which he said the last part shook the brunette to the core. Just as if he was thinking about it frequently; as if he truly dreamt about not existing.

“The problem is…” The taller man started talking, struggling his words out through this imaginary object blocking his airflow. “I’m not interested in living in a world without you, not anymore.” His breath started slowly coming back to normal. “You have no idea how much you’ve changed my life.” A bitter chuckle shook Harry’s body as he remembered how boring his daily routine was before that boy came into his life and shifted everything. “Now I feel like I’m alive... like I have something worth living for, something worth dying for if it ever comes down to this.”

“You’re wasting your time, I’m a lost cause.” Louis said, choked up from the words he just heard. He didn’t deserve this. He did nothing but complicate his boyfriend’s life, and the man still loved him so much, overlooked every single red flag that riddled Louis’ psyche; conflicting thoughts buried deep into his brain, manifesting loudly, eager to be voiced in the most disgusting way.

“Sucks to be us then.” Styles shrugged and pressed a small kiss on the back of his boyfriend’s neck, their hands still linked right in front of them. “There are not many things you could do to make me leave. I’m too far gone.”

“If only you knew how fucked up in the head I actually am… you’d be packing your stuff. That’s what a smart person would do, get out before it’s not too late.” Tomlinson shook his head gently but didn’t let go of his man’s hand. Seeking comfort in his touch, the touch he might feel guilty about later.

“Call me dumb then, because it’s too late already. Fuck, it was too late six months ago.” Brunette smirked at the memory of the night that sealed the deal for him, the first time he visited his partner’s apartment. That was it. “What are we doing about this thing?” He asked, knowing that nobody knew better than his man.

“You should leave me alone.” Tomlinson started. Harry immediately wanted to oppose, but he was interrupted. “But thinking that you would listen... I’d have to be delusional.” They both chuckled, grim atmosphere suspended in the air. “So, if you have to… just be here. This is all I need, some peace and quiet… I need to think.”

“I won’t say a word.” Styles agreed. And he kept his word. They just laid there for a few hours until Louis’ tummy started rumbling, only then, the older man ordered something for dinner. He forced his partner to eat, still not a single word leaving his lips. Then, they just laid back; their bodies pressed as close as it was possible.

It was almost ten in the evening when Harry finally spoke. It was when Niall came back home, surprised with the presence of two men that were rare guests, even though one of them still technically lived there. Horan’s return a big relief to brunette since he had somebody to talk to when he somewhat explained the situation, purposefully missing the details.

He shared their leftover pizza with Louis’ roommate and got back to his boyfriend, cradling his body in his arms as he fell asleep; exhausted from the emotional hurdle he’s been through that day.

-

“When am I going to see you?” Harry sent another text message to his boyfriend, his friend looking at him concerned as he typed while sat on his couch, a drink in his hand.

“Nothing?” Zayn asked, his tone soft as he tried to sound empathetic. He was feeling for his friend who was doing miserably lately. Styles just shook his head and threw his phone back on the glass table. Not even a minute later, the phone was already back in his hand as if it was going to speed things up. It was the third day since he heard from his boyfriend, the fact slowly driving him insane. Unable to even check up on his man since he went home without telling him.

“Shit, man that’s fucked up. Sorry, god knows I like this lad but you just can’t do shit like that. Doing this whole mental episode shtick and then disappearing from the face of the earth? That’s just brutal, you don’t deserve that.” Zayn took a hit of his blunt and passed it to Harry who did the same. He needed everything that could relax him at the moment, make him stop losing sleep over his boyfriend’s wellbeing.

He knew that Louis was not well. Two weeks after his first in a while, serious episode were a nightmare. Styles was pushed away in every single way possible; when his partner ran out of excuses not to see him, he just left, without even saying a word. Abandoning the man, he claimed to love, making him deranged since he knew nothing more than the fact that Louis was back home. Niall had enough decency to tell him that the boy has left. Apparently, Horan agreed with Zayn that Tomlinson’s behaviour was straight-up cruel.

“He just needs some time, I’ll be fine.” Harry said; shaky hand brought the glass of whiskey to his lips, taking a big gulp; booze burning his throat on its way down.

“Stop making excuses for him.” Malik shook his head, exhausted of hearing his friend trying to make up reasoning behind his partner’s actions. How could he ever believe Harry? Not when he looked like he did, eyes blood-shot, grey skin nearly translucent, deep shadows under his dull eyes. He was losing sleep over the guy that didn’t care about him enough to tell him he’s leaving. He was skipping school, the only thing saving him from getting kicked out was the fact that he had his way with people, most of the professors adored him. “If that was me… he wouldn’t have anything to come back to.” Zayn passed the weed to his friend, another cloud filled Harry’s lungs as he inhaled, keeping the smoke for a bit before he let it all out.

“I’m not leaving him.” Styles drawled, his hand squeezed around his phone, knuckles going white as he did. “We’ll get through this. We did once already.” He tried to convince more himself than his friend, he kept repeating those words in his mind for days already.

“Oh, did you?” Zayn stood up and took their empty glasses, he headed to his kitchen to refill their drinks. Before he even got back, Harry managed to vanish; the only thing that indicated that he left in the form of the door that hasn’t completely closed behind him.

“ _Don’t ignore me or I’ll just drive there and make a scene._ ” The man threatened in a text. He was on the brink of losing it. Four in the morning as he was laying in his bed, wishfully thinking about falling asleep after hours of scribbling in his journal.

Yes, he journaled now. This was a solution he got recommended by a school therapist he once saw. Every thought he couldn’t for some reason vocalize, landed on the cream pages of his journal; something extremely remedial in ranting on those pages, the stack of paper that held his deepest secrets.

But then, a sudden, unforeseen sound broke the complete silence of the night; his phone lit up on the nightstand and buzzed, disturbing his thoughts. His hand grabbed the device before he could even comprehend what was happening. His threat worked; it was Louis. Oh god, it was really him. A huge weight lifted from Harry’s shoulders as he saw the first notification from him in a while.

“ _I’m ok._ ” A brief message, so unlike his boyfriend made Harry’s heart ache even more; showing him loud and clear how much the boy did not want to talk to him, at all.

“ _When are you getting back?_ ” Styles took the opportunity and asked the only question to which answer he was interested in. “ _I miss you._ ” He added, not realizing that his cheeks have become wet yet again, something that they did a lot since their relationship became rocky.

“ _Don’t know._ ” The student found himself getting choked up at the brevity of the answer, the soulless manner those texts exuded broke him. Before he even realized, he was already weeping. He looked pathetic in the mirror that seemed to be mocking him; salty tears dripping onto the side of his journal, paper wrinkling from the moisture as he held his head in his palms, sitting cross-legged on the mattress he used to share with the love of his life. The space to his side empty, the most depressing feeling not having the boy there. Not feeling the cold of his man’s feet when he fell asleep.

Exhausted, Harry fell back on the bed, still fully clothed, not even delusional that he’s going to get some sleep. The room flooded with a silver light provided by a large face of the moon, shining directly into his bedroom as he dove deep into his thoughts. Trying to completely blank his brain; his efforts proved to be futile since as soon as his eyes closed, a familiar face of a boy he’d take a bullet for popped up. His heavy eyelids not making forgetting any easier…

-

“What’s your poison?” Harry heard from the stool to his right, a familiar man took the place beside him not even a minute ago.

“Whatever’s the strongest.” He answered, his body shook in a bitter chuckle, ice rattling in his nearly empty glass as he took a sip of his whiskey.

“I like your style.” The guy smiled and with a gesture of his hand brought the bartender’s attention to himself. “Another round for this gentleman, the same for me.” A deep voice ordered the drinks, Styles’ companion almost immediately focused his eyes back on his companion.

Harry was aware of the reason why this man would join him. He was a frequent guest, just like himself. They have seen each other here and there, the student regularly catching the man staring at him. But this was the first time Styles was alone, without the companionship of his boyfriend or pals.

Louis was still gone. From what Niall was saying, he came back a week after he’d left, took more of his stuff and returned to his hometown. Not giving Harry even a chance to contact him; their mutual friend’s propriety the only reason why he found out that his boyfriend popped into the town in the first place. He appreciated Horan’s updates, even if the news he got only further crushed him.

He was exhausted. Both physically and mentally, every day not hearing from his boyfriend taking an even bigger toll on his wellbeing. His progressively worsening mood resulted in him having a fight with his best friend. Zayn was pissed at Louis; his juvenile behaviour might have just revoked every single positive thing both men were through. But Harry wouldn’t let his friend insult his partner. Not then, not ever.

“Tough day?” The blonde sitting next to Styles asked after a brief silence. Their drinks already delivered, a full glass quickly replaced the empty one.

“More like a month.” Harry sighed and twisted his body ever so slightly not to seem rude. He was certainly not interested in man’s endeavours, but as much as he wanted to just be left alone to dwell in his depression, he also felt like he needed company. It was four days since he spoke with a person other than the bartender in his favourite place, Zayn not really in a mood to hang with him, considering that their last session ended up with the biggest argument they ever had. Uncertainty, if they will be able to patch things up only added to the list of things that were slowly suffocating the student.

“What’s your name, I’ve seen you here before, haven’t I?” Harry inhaled deeply, muggy air filling the place not enough to bring him the relief he needed. He was nauseous.

“Harry, yeah. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you too.” Styles pressed his lips together to mimic a smile, his eyes spilling the truth about the credibility of that expression. He reached his hand, skin cooled down by the glass he put down on the bar and squeezed the stranger’s reached hand. A handshake was firmer than he expected.

“Jonah. Nice to finally meet you, Harry.” The smile he wore seemed authentic, a row of straight, white teeth peeking from under rosy upper lip. “Troubles in paradise, I assume?” The man sat sideways; his head propped on his fist as he observed his companion’s every move.

“Good guess, Sherlock.” Even though he was miserable, brunette tried to keep his tone at least neutral. His appearance was repulsive enough. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Harry shook his head when he sensed another question coming. He took another gulp of his drink, familiar burning in his throat when he swallowed.

“Understandable. What are you doing on the daily, Harry? You know, when you’re not getting drunk alone in a bar in the middle of the week.” The man ordered the refills of their drinks as he sat there, looking genuinely interested in what his companion had to say.

“I’m an art student. Second-year. I go to classes from time to time; I paint some things, I cook… yeah, mainly that.” Styles listed the things that before so important, now seemed insignificant.

“What things do you paint? People? Nature? Abstract?”

“Little bit of everything. Depends on a mood.” He shrugged as he finished another drink; his thoughts getting woozy from the alcohol he consumed. “What do you do for a living?” Harry shifted the conversation, not keen on talking about himself. Something extremely depressing about reminiscing his old life, oh how much everything changed.

“I’m a software engineer. Hence, the flexible working hours.” The man chuckled, the skin around his brown eyes wrinkling from the expression.

“Why the suits? I’ve seen you wear them… That’s not how a programmer looks in my eyes.” That’s absolutely not what Styles would think this guy’s profession was. From what he observed, the man always looked distinguished. Like some government official, someone high up on the ladder in some private company. Not a computer nerd.

“Sometimes you’ve got to meet the clients, make a good impression. I probably wouldn’t make much money showing up to meetings in my normal attire. Not everybody can appreciate a humorous t-shirt.”

“Fair enough.” The student nodded; he brushed the hair off his face with his spread fingers. “What made you approach a guy that looks like he’s on a verge of dying? Is that some kind of kink?” The man snickered and sucked an ice cube into his mouth, crushing the solidified water with his molars, swallowing right after as a substitute of a meal.

“There’s just something so fascinating about you. This whole vibe you have… vintage, for the lack of a better word.” Jonah shrugged, taking a sip of his scotch. “This is the first time I see you without the little guy or the too cool for school one, so I’ve decided to shoot my shot. But the timing seems to be off, am I right?”

“Your timing couldn’t have been any worse.” Harry scoffed and chewed up the last of his ice cubes. “It’s time for me to leave, thank you for the drinks, Jonah.” Styles stood up; his legs weak after the time he spent on the barstool. Perhaps he was a bit beyond tipsy at this point, but he knew where to draw the line. He decided to go; he knew that he’d end up making a pathetic mess out of himself if he stayed. He was desperate for somebody to hear him out, he wasn’t above spilling his deepest thoughts to a stranger.

“It was nice to finally meet you, Harry.” The man reached to his pocket and retrieved a black leather wallet. He took a piece of cardstock and handed it to the boy he just met. Taking his phone number was the least brunette could do after drinking on his tab. “Hit me up if you sort out the things with the little guy, or rather without him.” Jonah winked, and Harry felt the return of that heavy weight he was pushing off his shoulders this entire time.

“Sure.” Styles murmured and left the bar, not looking back once, his wobbly step carrying him home.

The first thing he did when he returned was turning to his only friend; a journal laying on his desk. Half of the pages already filled even though Harry started writing maybe three weeks prior.

Brunette scribbled his scattered thoughts on the pages of his notebook, putting so much pressure on his ballpoint pen that he managed to pierce through the paper in some spots. But words weren’t working this time. He spilt his emotions on the empty sheets, filling them one by one, but the relief was not there.

He was desperate. Petrified that his boyfriend might be feeling even remotely as bad as he was feeling, not even caring about the fact that he, himself was a shell of a man he was before. The worst thing was that there was nothing he could do to check on the boy. Well, he technically could’ve called his mother but involving the woman in their situation seemed like something the biggest asshole would’ve done, and he wanted to think that he’s far from being one, even though he wasn’t necessarily sure whether it was the truth. 

Styles poured himself a drink so he could get some sleep for once. The most effective way of falling asleep turned out to be drinking until he passed out. So, he was doing exactly that. Chasing a drink with another, dwelling in his bitterness while laying in his bed, loathing himself more with every passing second. Longing for even a sliver of attention from the man he loved, afraid that the moment he was always terrified of has come and Louis just simply got bored of him.

His state got progressively worse. He was neglecting his classes, especially the ones that required him to do anything besides making art. That, he did. Pushing new works faster than he ever did before. His entire style shifted since pleasant emotions, the feeling of being loved was replaced by this gaping hole in his heart, his life so empty without Louis. He barely ate, didn’t leave his house until dawn and put on a brave face while he was lying to his mother. Exam season turned out to be just the thing he needed. The convenient excuse for him to use so he didn’t have to visit his mother; the woman would’ve known that something was wrong the second she laid her eyes on Harry.

“ _I can’t do this._ ” Sending a despaired text to his boyfriend was the last thing brunette remembered doing before the alcohol took claimed his consciousness and successfully put him to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

“He’s back.” Zayn tried to take a delicate approach when he bore the news that would probably interest his friend very much. Harry’s head lifted to look at his friend as he ate the meal Malik brought, the whole misunderstanding already behind them. Yeah, Zayn was mad at his friend, but he couldn’t just refuse to talk to him, especially knowing that he’s needed by his friend who was still buried deep in his despair. “I’ve seen Niall yesterday. I’ve been in his bar with…” The man stopped as he realized he was going to slip the name of his secret hook-up. “He just told me. He’s been home for two days already.”

Styles’ reaction to the news was nowhere near as enthusiastic as Malik anticipated; he just nodded and got back to his burrito. Something about his composure extremely unsettling, considering how desperate he was to see his partner throughout his absence.

“Drink something, you look like shit.” The older guy shook his head as he looked at the shadow of a man who resembled his friend to a certain extent. His skin grey, cheeks sunken. Barely anything left from the handsome man he was just a month before.

Harry complied, he brought a smoothie his friend bought for him and gulped the viscous liquid, downing it like he didn’t eat for a week. In reality, he didn’t eat for maybe thirty-six hours. He completely forgot about doing that when he was painting.

Zayn tried not to convey how concerned with his friend’s state he was. The last time he attempted to have “the talk” ended in an argument, and it was the last thing Styles needed at the moment.

“Are you going to go there? See him?” The shorter man asked, still observing his best mate devouring the takeaway he brought. The man thanked himself silently that he ordered too much food since everything was pretty much gone already. He dreaded the sight; how could Harry do this to himself? The thing was… Zayn perfectly knew how he could do that. Not that long before he was in a situation eerily similar to this one. By the end of his relationship, he was only skin and bones. No matter how many fights it was going to take, he was not going to just sit back and watch his friend slowly kill himself. Not because of some asshole kid that is too self-absorbed to apprehend that he’s not the only one who is hurting. That his childish behaviour affects other people.

Malik felt ambiguous about Louis, to say the least. While they got along, a seed of something that could easily sprout into a full-fledged friendship planted already; he also despised the boy for the way he acted towards his boyfriend. As Harry said, it was none of his business, that was true. He had no right to stick his nose in their relationship, but he saw everything that was happening to his friend. The cold, cruel treatment Harry got from his boyfriend had taken a toll on the way Zayn perceived the boy.

“If he wanted to see me, he’d say he’s back.” Zayn pressed his lips into a thin line as he sat on the armchair, his eyes plastered to a big canvas held by an easel; something very disturbing in the darkness of the work. “You like it?” Styles asked as he caught his guest staring at the painting he just finished. “I did that for the final assignment for Blaire’s class.”

“It’s amazing, man.” He wasn’t lying. The artwork was beautiful, something very hypnotizing about it. Malik stood up from his seat to have a better look; careful not to touch the wet paint, his eyes followed bold brush strokes on the canvas. “Luna said that you have to email Gubby to arrange the retake of that exam you’ve bombed.” Styles chuckled at the nickname they gave his philosophy professor. Still dreading the amount of work, he had to put into the exam he had to repeat… well, he had nobody to blame but himself.

“Right, thanks.” He nodded; Zayn obviously not able to see him since he was still uncovering new depths of his friend’s painting. “Any plans for today?” The taller one asked to break the unbearable silence. He wiped his lips with a napkin and got to finishing his fruit cocktail, finally full after stuffing two people’s amount of food into his stomach.

“Well, kind of. I was going to meet someone later.” He admitted, not sure if he should follow through with the plan. Perhaps he was needed here more.

“Someone as in that guy?” Styles interrogated even though he already knew the answer. Malik barely spent time with people other than him, the man and his family since the mystery guy came into his life.

“Well, yeah.” The man got back on his seat, taking a gulp of his cold water as he crossed his arms on his chest.

“You’ve been seeing him for what? Two months? And there’s still nothing to say?” Harry’s eyebrow raised as he didn’t believe in his friend’s claims. If that was only friends with benefits thing, they wouldn’t spend so much time together. Zayn wouldn’t keep it such a secret either. This whole thing was just suspicious.

“Sorry.” Malik shrugged, tugging nervously at the sleeve of his t-shirt. “How about your plans? Are you staying in, working on your creepy paintings, or…”

“I think I’ll finally get to study a bit. I can’t fail a year because of a fucking philosophy lecture.” Harry sighed and got up from his seat.

“So, what now? This is it? You’re not going to see him, he’s not going to see you… you’re just splitting without even a word?” The guest asked. It was more making sure that his friend was really not going to visit his boyfriend as soon as he leaves than actual curiosity.

“I wish I had an answer.” The younger guy threw his head back and squeezed eyelids closed, a simple thought of this whole thing being over, still made him feel like he was dying; even though he tried to get accustomed with the idea of an inevitable breakup. Their relationship purely fictional at this point. “I’ll leave this for… him to decide.” The familiar obstruction in his throat appeared yet again when his partner’s name almost slipped through his lips.

“Do you think you could go back to normal after this?” Zayn scoffed; his words came off more pointed than he intended.

“If that’s what he wants, yes.” Harry admitted, his eyes still closed as he was on the verge of tears ever since he heard that Louis was back in Manchester. Just a few minutes from him, but he never came to see him. Maybe it was his fault, the numerous drunk texts couldn’t have been helpful.

“And you’re just going to act like this whole thing didn’t happen?”

“Please, I don’t want to talk about it.” A begging note manifested in Styles’ hoarse voice.

“Somebody has to talk about it. This is fucked up, pathetic. You’re doing everything for that guy and he won’t even reach out to you. Like you’re some kind of fucking robot without feelings. Is he even serious? Look what he’s done to you! You keep making a fool out of yourself, running back to him whenever he needs you but the one time the script is flipped, he’s nowhere to be seen. He bounces to another fucking town not to deal with you! What else do you need to understand how fucked up it is? Dying? Is that what you need?” Zayn snapped; he’s had enough of Tomlinson’s bullshit. Harry was humiliating himself for that guy, numerous times. Stuck with him through every idiotic thing he’s pulled off, and he was just postponing the inevitable. Malik knew damn well that he was not going to come out. Not by the end of the year, probably not ever.

Harry didn’t say a word, he did not want to argue. Every single one of their fights was a strain on his psyche, which was already fragile as it was. He just sat there, his back straight; head still thrown back, his hair squished on the headrest. With no intention of further yelling at his friend, Zayn just left. Slamming the door shut behind himself. Cursing out his friend’s excuse of a boyfriend; every single cell in his body fought the urge to storm into that guy’s apartment and beat him black and blue for the shit he put Styles through.

“I need to see you, right now before I kill somebody.” The man messaged the first person his phone suggested, just the one he was looking for. There was nobody who could’ve calmed him down like the man he was seeing; his stoic attitude everything Zayn needed at the moment.

“Yours?” He got in response when he stormed off from his best friend’s building. Everything in his body told him to turn left, to confront the man who was destroying his best mate, day by day shutting down another part of Harry. But he didn’t, he knew that it would only make things worse.

“I just wanted to kill him… off that motherfucker, poor excuse of a human being. Harry is the sweetest man you’ll ever meet… he did nothing to be treated like that.” Zayn finished his rant, his head resting on the lap of a man taller than him; slender fingers brushing against Malik’s temple, trying to calm the man down since he never saw him that angry.

“I know that this is the last thing you want to hear right now, but it’s better not to get too involved. I don’t know your friend but from what you’re saying, he still loves that guy. Would you give it all up if you were him?” Zayn couldn’t answer. Didn’t know what he would do. He once chose his own wellbeing over a guy but did he love him as much as Harry loved Louis? How could he possibly know? “The best thing you can do right now is just to hang out with that Harry guy, be there for him to listen, to give advice. He sounds like he needs a friend right now.” A big palm reached down to catch Zayn’s, his cinnamon skin glistening in the beams of the summer sun, falling onto the couch from the skylight.

“You should be supportive of me. Tell me to go there and strangle him or something.” Malik scoffed and pressed his face against his man’s belly, his breath muffled by the material of a black t-shirt.

“Remember, if you kill him, I won’t be able to see you anymore. I can’t date a convict.” The taller man tittered; his body shook just a little as he stroked his partner’s scalp.

“It would be embarrassing to get arrested by your own man, wouldn’t it?” A smug smirk welcomed the dark-skinned man’s lips. The sole presence of the man he was seeing was enough to calm him down. He still could not think of anything other than the tangled web of his best mate’s relationship, but now, the hostility towards Louis declined; sometimes even something in the shape of compassion seeped into his thoughts, who better than Zayn knew the struggle of being terrified to come out?

-

“I’m always going to want you back.” Harry whispered, fighting an unfair battle between his mind and the imaginary object blocking his trachea as he spoke in a voice smaller than he ever thought he could produce. He felt like he was being scolded, very unusual since he was the one being apologized to.

Louis finally came. It was a day after Styles learned that he’s back in town when he knocked on his door; scared to even let himself in. Feeling like he has no right to deprive Harry of the decision whether he wanted to see him or not. The sheer guilt on his face automatically revoked every word his friend had said about the boy. The first instinct was to throw himself in the arms he missed so much. The sole presence of his partner improving brunette’s whole mood, making him immediately forget about the turbulence their relationship went through throughout the last few weeks.

He looked good, as opposed to Harry, who looked like an extra from the zombie apocalypse movie. Was he just pretending to be fine? Did he suffer on the inside as much as his boyfriend? Or was he just fine, taking the whole thing as a vacation?

Tomlinson didn’t know what he could possibly say. No words seemed to be big enough to even remotely portray how shitty he felt about his behaviour. His guilt at least tripled when he saw his boyfriend, looking even more miserable in person than he did in the texts he sent Louis throughout his absence.

He just wanted to make things right between them. But how do you apologize about doing this kind of thing? Quick sorry and going back to life before the whole hurdle? That just seemed unrealistic.

While his reason for leaving, at the moment seemed reasonable… it didn’t anymore. He left because of how miserable he felt, tormented by the dark thoughts all over again, unable to cope with his identity. He thought that maybe spending some time with his family would help. That maybe if he took a break from Harry, from creating a new list of things he could beat himself over, the episodes would stop.

His way somewhat helped, he felt much better than he did when he left. But what was the point if his agony shifted onto his boyfriend? That unforeseen outcome made things even worse than if he was the one suffering. The thing that he was the cause of his man’s terrible state was something he was not going to ever forgive himself for.

“How will I ever apologize to you?” Tomlinson approached, something hesitant in his demeanour. Not entirely sure if he was allowed, he sat on the bed, right next to his boyfriend and bashfully reached for his hand. He slipped his fingers between those familiar ones of his partner. Something extremely harrowing about the way how visible the bones were, covered by greyish skin, sunken into every depression in the structure.

Harry didn’t answer. He didn’t want any apology, he just wanted things to be like they were before Louis left. Was that even feasible? Will they both be able to put this whole thing aside and continue with their lives as nothing happened? As much as Harry tried to act like he’s indifferent about the future of their relationship, pretty much ready for the breakup… he wasn’t ready at all. He was desperate to make things work between them, he could not even think about them splitting without giving himself a breakdown.

“How’s your family?” Styles finally asked, his eyes still stuck on a certain spot on his floor, legs crossed as he sat on the edge of the bed, his left hand caressed by Lou’s fingertips. Every time their skin came into contact, something in the shape of electric shock travelled through his body, providing fuel to his drained body, a reason for his heart to keep beating.

“Good, I guess. Mom’s feeling fine by now, they started her on some other medication and it seems to be working better. At least with the symptoms.” Louis pressed his body into Harry’s. Surprisingly, instead of effortlessly holding the entire weight of the little man, like it always did; the man’s figure caved, almost collapsing onto the mattress before he composed himself.

“I’m glad she’s doing better.” The man answered, not addressing his weakened state at all. Something in the way Harry talked seemed forced, the conversation did not stick naturally like it always did. This was the only thing Tomlinson needed to realize how broken his boyfriend was, and all of this because of him.

“Did you eat anything today?” The younger one asked, twisting his partner’s wrist to gaze at his watch. It showed four in the evening.

Styles just shook his head, his answer negative. Not only he hasn’t eaten that day, but his last meal was also somewhere in the middle of the day prior when he ate with Zayn. He didn’t feel hungry, though. Didn’t feel much at all, other than the happiness he felt when he finally reunited with the boy he loved; the happiness he couldn’t express for some reason.

“Why haven’t you answered my texts?” A desperate note slipped into Styles’ deep voice. His eyes still focused on the hardwood floor.

“Because I’m an asshole.” Louis scoffed, still playing with his boyfriend’s lean fingers. “Selfish fool; not once did it occur to me that you might be affected by the shit I did.” A bitter caricature of a smile bent his lips as he shook his head at his own ignorance. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think I could hate myself any more for what I’ve done.”

“It makes me feel worse.” A reserved smirk curved Harry’s lips upwards. “I don’t think Zayn will be as happy to see you as I am though.” He finally brought himself to look at his boyfriend. He almost forgot how beautiful that guy was. His face tanned from the sun, freckles speckled all over his nose and around it, making him look even more youthful and innocent.

“I don’t blame him.” Tomlinson chuckled shyly, he finally lifted his eyes off his partner’s lean palm, his fingertips still circling the man’s ring finger. “You should curse me out, punch me and throw on the curb. I don’t deserve… this.” Their gazes met, and everything seemed to be in its place. Harry’s flat finally became his home again, the presence of that little guy he loved, the only thing needed to make him feel like he’s where he belonged.

“I would never hit you.” The student shook his head; his messy hair bouncing in the air. “I’m just happy that you’re back, I’ve missed you so much.” Unexpected wetness that fell onto his pants was the only indication that he started crying. Ashamed, he swept the tears from his cheeks with the top of his right hand. The last thing he wanted his partner to see was him crying, not because it was something humiliating, no… just because he didn’t want him to feel even worse for letting him down.

“Will you believe me that I did too?” Louis asked; he twisted his body, now facing his lover as he gently cupped his face and brought it closer to his own. His man parting his chapped lips without hesitation, he finally got a taste of what he was longing for the entire time. And as soon as they linked in a kiss, everything seemed to be right all over again. The events of the weeks prior left behind, a new beginning for them both, hopeful that their relationship could be mended; Louis praying to god that his boyfriend could learn to trust him again.

“I believe you.” Harry murmured into his partner’s lips as they parted. Tomlinson sat back on his bum, still fiddling with the fingers he held for some time now. “I’m sorry that I made you leave.” Brunette mumbled; he didn’t know exactly why Louis has left, but he couldn’t help but think that he was the reason, at least a part of it.

“Me leaving had nothing to do with you, Harry. I just… needed some time to think things through. To be alone.” Tomlinson had created numerous scenarios to how this whole conversation was going to look like. The real exchange was both more and less difficult than he imagined it to be.

It would be easier if he was just broken up with, left alone to deal with his struggles. He wouldn’t blame Harry if he did that, but he knew his boyfriend well enough to know that chances of that happening were close to zero. That outcome would be easier, he wouldn’t have to look in those dead eyes, so lively before he left even though it was far from perfect when he did. This was the hardest part, realizing how big of a toll his little getaway took on his partner, something that he never actually thought of before he disappeared.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Did I do something wrong?” Styles asked, sounding even more pathetic than he did before. Desperate to know how he was at fault. To understand why his man felt like he had to escape him.

“You did everything right, so right Harry.” Lou’s head dropped; he was so ashamed. “It’s me. I’m just… I’m such a mess. I wish I wasn’t. I really do wish I could be normal, wish I could be the man you deserve but… but I’m not. Don’t know if I’ll ever be. I will die trying though.”

“Oh, would you just shut up?” The taller one chuckled deeply, his hands gripped his boyfriend’s waist and pulled him onto the mattress, closing in a tight embrace. “You are normal, maybe a little lost but we’re working on it. Aren’t we?” Louis nodded, his head resting on his partner’s chest. “But don’t do that again, I’ll follow you and make a scene. I swear to god.” Tomlinson’s hand found its way to his boyfriend’s, intertwining their fingers yet again. They had a lot of catching up to do.

“I won’t, I promise.” The smaller man threw his head back, stretching his neck to find those lips which so familiar, still felt different when he kissed them. He knew that it will take some time before his boyfriend will get over being abandoned, ignored like he was. He couldn’t blame Harry; he’d probably act similarly if the roles were switched. But the thing was… Harry would never do such a thing, and that was something that bothered Tomlinson the most. The realization of how shitty of a boyfriend he’s turned out to be.

-

“So what? Everything’s back to normal?” Zayn asked after his friend briefed him on the events of the last few days. A derisive smile on his lips after he scoffed in reaction to a fairy tale life his friend apparently was back to living.

“For the most part, yes.” The taller man shrugged, his eyes focused on the friend, sitting right before him; a familiar silhouette on a barstool, maybe four metres from where they were sitting. Harry was aware that the man with whom he had a few drinks while they chatted twice was gazing at him, the way he twisted his head was quite obvious.

“But are you back to normal? Without any bullshitting.” Malik took a sip of his whiskey; an inquisitive look still in his dark, brown eyes.

“I guess.” Styles paused and took a sip as well, his drink stronger than usual. “I still need to be careful what I’m saying, I don’t want to scare him off. It’s been hard for him.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Zayn snapped, his golden-hued hand tightening around the glass containing his chilled beverage. “Hard for him? Oh, what a poor baby! Maybe I should go apologize to him too?” The man shook his head, took another gulp of caramel-coloured liquid, slamming the glass maybe a bit too hard onto the table, which only resulted in bringing other people’s attention to their booth. “Stop making a victim out of him, Harry. It was him who acted like an asshole, not you. He should be begging you to forgive him, not you tiptoeing around him like he’s some kind of volatile load!” His voice was pointed yet quiet. Zayn wasn’t necessarily the one to make a scene.

“Us having the same argument over and over again won’t change anything. I’m not going to leave him because he did one stupid thing in over six months, we’ve been together. If you ever expected me to do so, it just shows that maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” Harry twisted his head not to look at his friend; the sheer anger in his eyes intimidated him.

“Did you ever talk about the shit you went through when he was gone? Did he even ask?” Malik’s voice came back to normal; he didn’t want to argue just as much as his friend, he was just frustrated. Torn between being a friend Harry needed and a friend Harry wanted. He decided to take his partner’s advice and just be there for his dumbass of a friend. His feelings about Louis was still ambivalent. As much as he got along with him before his getaway, this whole thing made him more aware of how big of an asshole that little guy could be. His frail psyche did not justify the cold treatment he served his boyfriend who was nothing but supportive through his every struggle.

“We haven’t talked. He asked, though. I just didn’t want to make him feel any worse. It’s not like he went on a tropical retreat and now he’s fixed Zayn. He’s still losing sleep over the shit that torments him, none of that left.” A deep sigh emerged from Styles’ gut, the whole issue with his boyfriend’s mental state still tormenting both sides.

The brunette never told his boyfriend about the psychological turmoil he’s been in while he was gone. His desperate attempts to contact his man were blamed on the alcohol he’s consumed, which was only partially true. But those were the things he left to his journal, his only confidant. If he ever tried to tell Zayn about the thoughts that were haunting him before Louis came back, he wouldn’t rest before he’d separate the two. That was not something Styles was going to risk. He still needed both men in his life. Even the thought on losing any of them was unbearable.

“But are you fixed? Are you just going to act like you haven’t starved yourself for almost two weeks? Like you’re not a shell of the man you were before he left? He can’t be oblivious to how skinny you’ve gotten, can he?” Zayn pressed his lips together, stopping himself from saying words he’d regret later.

“Do I really look that bad?” Styles chuckled. He knew he did look like shit; his hair was thinner than it used to be, matte. His skin was still sunken in every spot possible. But he was back to eating regularly. His skin slowly regaining its natural colour, the glimmer in his green eyes returned with Louis.

“Yeah, you do.” Both men chortled at the direct approach Zayn had chosen. “Look, if you feel like that’s what’s the best for you… go for it. But don’t come to me crying next time something happens.” Malik finished his whiskey and put his phone into the pocket of his distressed jeans. “I mean come, but I will be super annoying about it.” The man slid himself out of the booth.

“So… you’re going to just be yourself then?” A smirk bent the corners of Styles’ lips upwards. His friend’s hand went flying and hit him bluntly in the back of the head. 

“Here’s that dick I know!” The shorter man laughed. “I’ve got to bounce, see you at school?” His friend nodded, confirming that he was, in fact, going to be present for his next classes. He had quite a lot of work cut out for him, and there was not that much time before the semester ends. That’s why he couldn’t allow himself to skip any more days. He still was blessed with light treatment from most of his professors.

And there he was, strutting out of the door. Rushing to another of his dick appointments with the man Harry knew nothing about.

He didn’t have much time to enjoy the solitude though. Zayn’s seat didn’t get the chance to come down to room temperature, and it was already taken by a man built so differently from his friend. The broad chest of familiar blonde almost twice the size of Malik’s scrawny frame. The man seemed comically oversized in comparison to Harry’s lanky friend even though he wasn’t even that large. Not that much bigger than Styles himself, in his usual state.

“Are you busy?” Jonah asked as he put down two glasses he’s brought, one of which containing brunette’s drink of choice.

“Not really, no.” Harry shook his head when he looked at his watch, it was still early. He could hang out. “How you’ve been? Haven’t seen you in a hot minute.” Slender fingers wrapped around the chilled glass; the rim slipped between chapped lips, not even a second later the sip was travelling down student’s throat.

“It’s not like I’m the one who’s not here. I’ve been quite a frequent guest lately. I’m not an addict, I swear!” The man laughed. “I just need something to depressurize after a workday. My team is developing an app for some serious assholes so yeah… alcohol is always the answer. And good company, but haven’t had any of that recently. Until now, naturally.” Styles sighed at the obvious pickup line, but he wasn’t going to call the man out. The last thing he liked to do was to make people feel awkward. He was going to act oblivious to the endeavours and just be polite; like he always was.

“Ah, you’re right. Have been busy lately. School and… stuff.” Harry answered; a smirk welcomed his lips as he thought about that other “stuff” that was keeping him busy. The “stuff” that he missed, the one that wasn’t responding to his texts, making him impatient. But it was bearable since Louis was still at work.

“The little guy is back, huh?” Despite his efforts to keep a friendly face, something dark appeared in those eyes when Styles confirmed his companion’s supposition with a simple nod. “Good for you.” The man shrugged and took a gulp from his glass. “Wouldn’t he mind that you’re talking to me?”

“Don’t think so, we aren’t doing anything bad. Why would he mind?” Brunette asked, and his phone lit up on the table; strong vibration carried by the top of a wooden table. “Sorry.” The smaller man excused himself and got to his phone. Finally, the message he waited for came, his finger unlocking the device in record speed.

“Staying at mine today, sorry. Plans with Niall.” Well… that was not the answer he anticipated. Their sleepovers were sparse since Tomlinson returned. Sparse was an understatement; the boy spent one night at his boyfriend’s since he got back. Mostly excusing himself with the overwhelming amount of work. As if he had forgotten about the way they used to hack that issue before he left.

“Tomorrow?” He responded quickly, not letting go of his phone.

“Tomorrow.” A wide grin welcomed his lips as he put his phone down, only for it to buzz again right after.

“Thank you for the lunch, I love you.” The smile grew even bigger. Between all of those things that changed between them, one was especially pleasant. Louis developed a habit of telling his man that he loved him way more frequently. Probably his therapist had something to do with it, but Harry was not going to complain.

“Love you too, have fun with Niall.” Harry’s message concluded their brief exchange. Styles missed his partner a lot, even though he saw him that day; the man dropped by his place between therapy and work, hence the lunch that he had a chance of packing for his lover.

“Must be nice… being in love and shit.” Student’s companion sighed and sprawled on his seat. His stance seemed relaxed, even though his advances were shut down before they even properly started. Ah, maybe Harry misread his intentions.

“What’s wrong with you then? You’re good looking, nice… why aren’t you taken?” Styles asked, and right after he stopped talking, he started wondering if it didn’t come off a bit harsh.

“Maybe I’m not as cool as you think I am.” The blonde shrugged, the way he looked deep into Harry’s eyes made him a bit uncomfortable, for the first time ever. Usually, he was the king of intense gazes. “I don’t have much free time to date either. I spend most of it, well… here. And it’s not like there’s a lot of people worth knowing in places like this. And yeah, I also have high expectations… at least for current standards.” A bitter smile deformed Harry’s friend’s face as he fixed his hair, tossing blonde strands to the side.

“Don’t bullshit me, I know I’m far from the top of the most interesting guys that come here.” Styles chuckled as he finished his drink. Not even a minute later, he was given a refill; not entirely sure how his new friend managed to order their drinks without him realizing.

“Why? You’re fascinating. With your big pants and that old brick phone you’ve swapped lately… You stand out, and you love it. Who would unbutton their shirt that low if they didn’t?”

“So you’ve been stalking me for a while now?” Harry’s stance tightened when he heard the man’s view of him. Was he really the attention whore he was seen as?

“I’ve been looking for some time, yeah.” The blonde admitted. “Even tried to find you on Facebook, found the mysterious guy but not you. That’s when it occurred to me that you’re probably not even on it.” Jonah shook his head. “I know that I sound like a complete creep, I was just curious. This is what us nerds do.”

“Well… I’m not on Facebook. I’m not anywhere, to be honest, it’s just a waste of time. Keeping up with people who wouldn’t even recognize you on the street… Not for me.” Styles took the last sip of his drink. “I should probably get going, see you around I guess.” He nodded and left the booth, approaching the bar and paying for drinks. Zayn’s, and all of his. ALL, he was not going to drink on this man’s tab anymore.

-

“I don’t think this is where this screw goes.” Louis sighed in frustration and threw a small piece of metal onto the pile with the rest of the parts.

“Defeated by a piece of Swedish furniture? I thought you were better than that!” Harry chuckled as he continued working on the base of his new dresser; his boyfriend failed to put the drawers together and just sat on the floor, anger spewing out of his eyes.

“It’s too hot for manual labour. Let’s wait with this till October.” The boy pulled himself up and stood up on his legs, stumbling just a bit before they were ready to fully support his weight. Without even asking, he swiped his boyfriend’s empty glass off the floor, brought it to the kitchen and refilled it with margaritas they’ve made two hours prior. The pitcher nearly empty since the sweltering heat provided great conditions for icy beverages.

Tomlinson opened the freezer, retrieved one of those homemade ice-lollies his partner made for him and popped it into his mouth to cool himself down.

“Thank you, you’re an angel.” Harry said when he took a sip from his refilled glass. He was tired, building furniture in over thirty-degree heat was not something very relaxing. The sun shining directly into his living room didn’t make matters any better.

“You can do this!” The smaller one provided encouraging words as he sat in a safe distance from his partner. If he was not going to help, he might at least try not to disturb the other one’s work. He just looked at his man, something incredibly alluring in the confidence with which Harry handled power tools. Well… a cordless drill wasn’t much of a power tool, but it still provided a nice visual. His man leaned over, putting together his new low-quality chipboard dresser, dark hair bouncing around his tanned face, some strands stuck to his dewy face.

Louis once again got up from the floor; with the lolly still in his mouth, he went to the bedroom and from his man’s wardrobe retrieved a handkerchief he knew he saw there once.

“Hold it for me.” The boy handed the older man his cold treat, and Styles started sucking at the thing in desperate need of a cooldown. “Hey!” Lou scolded him as he brushed his overgrown hair to the back, securing it with the red bandana. “Give it back.” He demanded when his job was done; hair successfully pulled away from his partner’s face. His handsome face in full view.

Louis returned to his spot on the floor, his back secured on the armchair he was leaning on. His hand started blindly patting the coffee table next to him until he reached the object he was looking for, his phone. He fiddled with the device for a bit, giving his boyfriend some time to get back to his work and only then, the boy started taking candid pictures of him.

“Are you having fun?” Harry asked, a playful note in his raspy voice, still not taking his eyes off the project he was working on. The dresser started coming together right before their eyes.

“I do, thank you.” The boy admitted. “You look hot. Very hot.” He winked at his man who finally raised his head, a wide grin on his glowing face.

“Because I am hot. Working, while you are slacking!” Tomlinson got up again, he put the silicone packaging of his ice lolly into the sink and got himself another one of the fruity treats his boyfriend made for him so he wouldn’t resort to those heavily sweetened ones from the store.

Louis approached the record player that was set up a few steps behind his boyfriend and picked an Oasis record Harry got only because of him. He retrieved the album that was finished playing and replaced it with the one chosen by him. When the music reached his ears, he went to the balcony which his boyfriend kept open almost the entire time to provide some air circulation to his apartment that got particularly hot in the evening.

The sun was nowhere near setting even though it was almost seven in the evening; the kids were kicking a ball on the cobbled street beneath him. The air completely still. Too still, something eerie about the absolute windlessness. The boy closed his eyes and turned his face to the sun; the beams soaked up by his skin, prevented from doing any serious damage since every piece of Lou’s exposed skin was covered by a thick layer of sunscreen. Harry was very annoying about that sun protection thing. That’s what mothers are for, not boyfriends.

“Don’t look into the sun, you’ll go blind.” Louis heard from the living room, Harry looking over his shoulder at his man, taking advantage of the sun while it lasted.

“How stupid do you exactly think I am?” The boy chuckled as he crossed the threshold, getting back into the apartment. Styles was hard at work; the entire frame of the furniture was built. Now he was just mounting the guides to the drawers, finishing the task his partner failed at. “Never knew you’re so handy.” Tomlinson knelt behind the taller man and placed his palms on the broad shoulders; he started kneading Harry’s tired muscles in an amateur massage. “I mean I knew but not like… that.” They both tittered, a deep sigh escaped brunette’s lungs as his boyfriend located a tender spot with his fingers.

“Well… Wouldn’t go as far as calling me handy but I know my way around some tools.” The student shrugged and kept attaching metal parts, his muscles tensing up when he applied pressure on the drill.

“What a catch.” The smaller guy whispered into his man’s ear, his hands still massaging his sore shoulders, gifting him great relief.

“Do you want to go out to eat or we’re staying in? I can cook if you…”

“Out.” Harry got cut off before he could finish. Did Louis want to go out? No. But more than that he didn’t want to make his man cook for them when they had quite an intense day already. “We can go to this new Italian place, I want pizza.”

“Pizza it is.” Styles straightened his back as he finished working on the furniture. He twisted his head and met with Louis’ loving gaze. His boyfriend read his intentions perfectly and kissed him. Some of the sourness of the drink still on Harry’s lips.

Men got up from the floor, the taller one stretching his stiff limbs before they moved the newly built dresser into brunette’s bedroom and placed the thing into space his old one used to occupy.

What happened to the old one? Nothing, it was just not capacious enough. A lot of Louis’ stuff, somehow found its way into the student’s apartment and they needed more space to store it.

“I’ll take a quick shower and then we can go.” Another quick peck on the shorter one’s lips and Harry was gone, taking his shorts off before he even reached the bathroom.

Without anything better to do, Louis put the drawers into the frame of the furniture, therefore concluding their work. Well… his boyfriend’s work since he hasn’t contributed too much. When the boy finished, he just poured himself the rest of the margaritas and quickly made another batch, finishing just in time to see his partner leaving the bathroom, not even a towel wrapped around his hips. Only bandana still on his head.

Short to ten minutes later, they were walking down the steep cobbled street leading to the Italian restaurant that had opened on the first weekend of July. The sky took on a deep, orange hue, some pink mixed in around the clouds. Something very peaceful about the evening; the only thing distracting the men were those kids Louis saw from the balcony before. Their laughter ringing in their ears even though they were quite far away from them.

“Are you staying over today?” Harry finally asked the question that was bothering him for a while now.

“Do you want me to?” Tomlinson asked, pretending to be shocked. As if brunette was ever going to say no. “I’ll stay, but I’m seeing Emma early tomorrow so I’ll probably wake you up.” The taller one didn’t answer, a simple shrug implied that he didn’t care about being woken up early on Saturday if it only meant Louis would stay.

They were slowly getting back into the routine they had going on before that unfortunate event in the middle of June. In Harry’s opinion, the sleepovers weren’t nearly as frequent as he’d like them to be. Coming down to three, maybe four nights a week. If he could have his way, he’d make his boyfriend move in with him. But Louis was reluctant to the idea.

Was everything the same as it was before Tomlinson left? No. It was both better and worse. The good thing concerning the smaller guy, he seemed to be doing much better than after his infamous pride parade breakdown. Why seemed? Because Harry knew that the way his boyfriend acted and felt could’ve been two, different things.

Perfectly reflected by himself. While Styles behaved like the whole catastrophe of the second part of June never happened, there was something that taunted him constantly. The thought that was always there, in the back of his head. The realization that his partner could at any given moment, decide to pack his bags and abandon him yet again for god knows how long. Maybe forever.

“How are things with Emma going?” Brunette asked as they were sat at the table, the waitress had already taken their orders. Now, the girl was placing their beverages on the table, alongside the complimentary bread basket with fragrant olive oil to dip it in.

“We’re doing okay I guess.” Tomlinson shrugged as he dipped the breadstick in the greenish liquid, chomping down on the piece of bread. He never realized how hungry he was until then. “It’s just annoying how slow everything is happening.” A disappointed sigh left his parted lips.

“Little steps, remember?” Harry asked and started tearing pieces of rosemary bread which he later dipped in the dish with oil and ate. “You’re doing great.” One of the phones laid on the table buzzed briefly; both men brought their attention to devices. The older one received a message. He grabbed his mobile and read the message. “Zayn asks if we’re down for some drinks and games tonight.”

“Are we?” Louis asked; an uncertain note manifested in his voice. He was a bit scared of a confrontation with his boyfriend’s best mate. He knew that Malik is not lenient towards his little escape, he explicitly made that clear in few enraged texts he sent them throughout his absence.

But it couldn’t be that bad if he reached out to hang? Maybe he was ready to put that past them? Or Harry just, in his usual fashion paraphrased his friend’s words, and he only wanted to hang with him? That case seemed more probable, that’s why Tomlinson reached for his partner’s mobile and read the text himself. He was wrong, Zayn actually seemed to be willing to hang out with “his boys”, which before Lou left meant them three, plus Niall. Was he still a part of “the boys” though?

“What do you think? I can tell we’re busy if you don’t…”

“No, let’s hang out. I will have to face him someday, might as well be tonight.” Styles quickly responded to the text and just stared at his boyfriend till their order arrived.

“He won’t murder you, don’t stress too much.” The older man smiled at his man while he was piercing pasta with his fork.

“Yeah, right.” Tomlinson chuckled and invaded Harry’s plate with his piece of cutlery. Pasta vodka his partner ordered looked very appetizing, maybe even more than his pizza.

“Hey!” The younger one received a kick under the table; his boyfriend acted surprised as if he didn’t do that always when they’ve ordered two different things.

“Oh, that’s good.” Lou practically moaned as he licked his fork clean of the sauce. Then he just returned to his pizza, a good one, but nothing to write home about.

“You want to switch?” Brunette asked. The boy shook his head. “We have to pop into the store on our way back, we’re out of beer.” Louis nodded; his mouth stuffed with pizza. He knew that their friends will probably bring more booze than they could ever drink, but he also needed cigarettes, so he had to go either way.

Just as they were leaving the restaurant, Harry noticed a “help wanted” ad hanging on the main door of the restaurant. He tore off a loose piece and put it into his wallet.

“Job hunting?” Louis sighed when he realized that their carefree start of the summer vacation was coming to an end. Styles was off school, Tomlinson himself took a week of his complimentary leave, and they were just living their best lives; spending pretty much every hour of the day together. But the money Harry had saved was not going to last forever, hence the job hunting.

“Well, I have to find something eventually.” The man shrugged, the store was right around the corner; it didn’t take them long to get there. The setting sun shone directly into Lou’s eyes, the boy squinting so hard that he barely saw anything. He ended up tripping on the protruding piece of cobble. “Here.” Harry chuckled when he helped his lover regain balance. He took off his sunglasses and slipped them onto the boy’s face. Now he was squinting, but eh, it was worth it if Louis wasn’t going to die on their way home.

Their “grocery” run was quite brief, they didn’t have much time before their friends were going to arrive and that’s why after getting exactly what they came for plus some snacks, they left; their steps livelier than before, the shorter man struggling to keep up.

When they were already approaching Harry’s building, the football their neighbour’s kids were kicking for some time now bounced off their field. Tomlinson ran to get it for them, assumed the position and kicked it; the object bolted right under the crossbar of their makeshift goal.

“Show-off.” Styles chuckled. Louis joined him at the entrance; sliding before his boyfriend, who held the door for him.

“Faggots.” Tomlinson froze when they heard the slur spewed out by children who couldn’t have been older than thirteen. His partner reached for his hand, pulled him in the direction of the lift and pressed the button.

“Are you okay?” The taller one finally asked when the elevator door closed, isolating them from the ringing laughter of the kids that have just ruined his partner’s mood.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” The boy forced a smile onto his face, but both men felt the storm brewing in the younger man’s mind, neither of them powerful enough to do anything to prevent it.

“That’s not even a word! You’re full of shite!” Louis exclaimed as four men were sitting on the rug in Harry’s living room. Some of them took their round of scrabble more seriously than others.

“It is a word.” Niall insisted as he took a sip of his chilled lager.

“What does it mean then?” Zayn intervened as he saw deep red hue seeping onto the youngest guy’s face; he was ready to fight.

“Like a redneck, I dunno.” The Irish lad shrugged but still hasn’t removed the tiles he placed on the board.

“Is it in the dictionary though?” Harry joined the argument.

“No! It’s not. I’ve googled it. We’re not playing made-up words, Niall.” Tomlinson activated again, removed the plastic cubes that were placed by his friend and threw them straight at Niall who just laughed, in his usual obnoxious fashion.

“FINE!” Horan lifted his hands as he surrendered, accepting the loss of the round. “It’s just a game, mate. You’re going to have a heart attack.” Zayn joined their Irish friend and also chuckled, Harry not really in a mood to make fun of his boyfriend since he suspected why he was on edge the entire evening.

“I’m bored.” Malik laid back on the floor, waiting for his next turn as his best friend was placing another word that seemed fake but at the end of the day would be found in the dictionary if they even bothered to check it. The outcome of this game was obvious as soon as it started.

“Me too.” The smallest one seconded and unfolded his crossed legs to let them rest, shifting his body to take the pressure of his bum. “Can we do something else?” He complained and completely stopped paying attention to the game while Zayn was composing his word, the board full for the most part.

Harry, without saying a word, grabbed the canvas baggie and put his letters inside of it, passing the sack to his right, the game back in the box not even a minute later.

“I still won.” The tallest one bragged, as per usual. If there was something, he loved doing it was beating everybody at board games.

“What now?” Niall asked when they sat back at the mismatched furniture in Harry’s living room. Louis in the kitchen getting himself another drink, forcing his best friend to scoot away from his boyfriend when he returned. He pressed his body into his partner’s, clinging to him for dear life. Zayn as always, distanced in the armchair, sipping his whiskey.

“Can we just chill?” Malik proposed and started skipping over TV channels until he found some second league football game that was enough to engage the most of the audience. Styles found himself scribbling in the sketchbook he propped on his knee, his boyfriend grazing his fingers over Harry’s thigh, exposed by his shorts that rode up a bit.

“Thanks, I’ll pass.” The host denied a joint that his boyfriend tried to give him. He still had horrible images of the last time he got high. It was right after his partner left him without a word. Zayn thought that he was doing the right thing, weed usually helped his friend relax. Well… not that time.

After getting some weird looks, the man focused back on his sketch. Scenery reminiscent of the view from his balcony outlined with his pencil. The roofs of neighbouring buildings took the majority of the space. He drew from memory, that’s why the art wasn’t completely accurate, but he did good enough job for it to be recognized by Louis who spent much more time on that balcony than Styles himself.

Only later he added the actual railing, a silhouette of a man leaning onto it; a cigarette in his hand. Louis appeared in a big bunch of Harry’s artworks ever since they’ve met. Whether he was there literally, his figure present in more or less noticeable places, or it was just something that reminded Styles of the man he loved. A place, a colour or an object he associated with the boy.

Styles finished drawing. He threw the sketchbook back on the coffee table and only then brought back his attention to the rest of the guys. Louis was dozing off, his head propped on his boyfriend’s arm. Two other guys were just sitting there, laughing for no apparent reason.

“What’s so funny?” Harry asked; he felt fingers intertwining with his own as his boyfriend woke up. He lifted his head and looked around himself, disoriented as to where he was; only a few seconds later, he regained full consciousness, his eyes still sleepy.

“Nothing.” Zayn looked at Niall, and both men started laughing hysterically yet again, Niall folding in half while he croaked loudly.

“Hello, sleepy princess.” The Irish lad still laughed as he mocked his roommate. “I think it’s time for me to leave.” The man got off his seat and collected the trash from his beers which he then put into the bin.

“Yeah, I’m bouncing too.” Zayn got up. “You little shit.” He ruffled Lou’s hair with his hand, his own, twisted way of showing affection. He smirked at the boy when he looked at him, Tomlinson looked livid. Malik’s arm wrapped around Niall’s neck when they left the apartment. Loud cackling audible, even with the door closed.

“Sleepy?” Harry asked when he collected the bottles they’ve emptied throughout the evening. Lou was sitting on the couch, using his fingers to fix his hair that was messed up by his nap and Zayn, of course.

“Yeah, I’ll take a quick shower and head to bed.” The boy got up and without saying anything more, closed himself in the bathroom, leaving his man with the mess he was partially responsible for.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Tomlinson asked when after a bit of contemplation whether he needed a third shower that day, his partner slipped in to join his boyfriend; chilly water brought him a huge relief when it hit his heated body. The temperature still unbearable even though the sun had set a long time ago.

“I needed a shower.” The man lied, his hair stuck to his face as he cupped his lover’s face and kissed him; the simple intimacy of a joined shower was everything the older one needed at the moment.

“No, you didn’t!” Louis chuckled into his man’s face as he dragged his hands across Harry’s wet chest, leaving a trail of soap suds behind.

“Okay, I wanted a shower.” The taller one admitted as his body was soaped by his boyfriend. Moments like this were the most cherished by him. Soft, fond touches that had more to do with the way Tomlinson adored his man than the way he desired him. While those second caresses were amazing, nothing ever came close to dethroning those innocent, caring ones.

“I love you.” Harry whispered while they were laying in the darkness. Their naked bodies uncovered; sheets kicked to the foot of the bed so they wouldn’t disturb their slumber. He wasn’t entirely sure if Louis was asleep or not. Hands tied, resting on Styles’ flat belly. All the weight he managed to gain throughout their relationship lost during the involuntary separation.

But the mystery was uncovered when Tomlinson’s grip tightened, his thumb delicately caressing his boyfriend’s in an affectionate gesture. Even though they were both sweltering, Louis decided to turn on his belly, his hand wrapped around his boyfriend, reaching for his other hand which he soon tied with his own. His head rested on Harry’s chest, intertwined palms right beside his face as both men struggled to fall asleep, focused on each other’s sound breathing.


	13. Chapter 13

“Where’s Niall?” Zayn asked when he returned from Lou’s car, carrying a cooler they’ve brought with them from Manchester. He set the heavy object on the grass and took three beers out. Throwing two at men sat on the caricature of a pier, their feet submerged in the cloudy water of the river that marked the border of Zayn’s family vacation property.

“He went inside to take a leak.” Louis answered and laid back on the wooden construction he was relaxing on with his boyfriend. The “pier” looked quite wobbly but Malik assured that it’s safe to use. The boy soaked up the sun and kicked his feet in the water enjoying their last weekend before Harry and he got to work. “It’s so nice.” The boy murmured but without saying a word, his man got up and left him in there.

“Did we bring enough booze? How many people are going to be here?” Styles asked his friend, who now was sprawled on the blanket, shaded from the sun by one of the trees surrounding the premises. He leaned over to his backpack and retrieved a fresh bottle of sunblock which he bought just before the trip. 

“It should be enough, people will bring shit with them. And how much… I wish I knew.” Malik answered truthfully and took a big gulp of his cold beer before he pulled a cap onto his face.

“You’re not swimming?” Harry asked as he walked away, he only got a grunt in return but he read the answer from it.

“Not this again.” Louis complained as his boyfriend started smearing a big dollop of sun lotion on his bare chest and belly. “Why do you have to be such a mum.” The boy sighed, brunette’s hands rubbing white substance into his arms, limbs falling back onto the wooden planks as soon as he let go of them.

“You’re going to thank me when you’ll see our friends suffering from a sunburn… Legs.” The man demanded and his partner complied. With a compliant in his stare, he pulled his legs up and let them be slathered with the cream that left white streaks on his skin. “Sit.” Lou listened yet again, big hands massaging the sunblock into his back, gifting him with a brief massage.

“I feel like a baby right now.” Tomlinson whined when he felt thumbs stroking his heated face, leaving a trail of white substance behind.

“And you act like one.” The student chuckled and when he finished covering his boyfriend’s skin with sunscreen, he jumped to reapplying it onto himself. 

“When can I go in?” The boy nodded at the water; the river lazily flew right under them. A sight extremely inviting in the sweltering heat.

“Fifteen minutes, that’s what the bottle says.” The smaller one grunted angrily and fell onto his back yet again; the wooden planks probably not the most comfortable thing in the world but it could be worse. He pulled his sunglasses back on his nose and started kicking the water, splashing droplets which brought him at least some relief from the heat. “Fifteen minutes with your boyfriend, what a nightmare!” Harry joined his partner as they soaked up the sun that shone especially bright that summer.

“I know, a tragedy!” Styles lifted himself up when he heard music; the volume increasing as the seconds passed. It turned out to be Niall, carrying his Bluetooth speaker, a beer already in his hand. 

As soon as he emerged from the house, only swim trunks on his hips, flipflops shielding his feet, Harry offered him the sunblock he brought, but it was denied. With his pale skin and Irish descent, Harry was sure that he’ll regret that decision later but the man was stubborn and headed straight into the water, leaving his booming device on the picnic table. Music didn’t seem to disturb Zayn, who looked like he dozed off already.

“Can I go now?” Louis asked as he looked at his best friend, splashing him from the water, provoking him since he loved to see the boy pissed off.

Harry sat up and assessed the situation, the lotion seemed to be already set, so he just nodded; his boyfriend’s face lit up immediately. The smaller guy started to get up from the floor but he wasn’t even fully up and his partner pushed him into the water, his body collapsing. Loud, heavily spiced with the northern accent cursing announced that he was okay; familiar cackling pulled Zayn’s attention and at this point, even he was laughing at the smallest guy, still getting used to the chilly water. 

But then, Tomlinson got busy with retaliating for everything Niall did in an effort to make him mad; now fully chasing the man so he could dunk his head under the water. Styles sighed in amusement and laid back on the makeshift pier, his long limbs dangling off of it, submerged in the water to the ankles.

Maybe fifteen minutes passed. Niall and his best friend still acting like a bunch of children in the water, their behaviour the only reason why Styles hasn’t joined them yet. He was too old for this. He was listening to music, his eyes shut as he soaked up the beams; his peace disturbed from time to time by the cackling of his Irish friend or ringing laughter of his partner, the laughter he loved so much.

But then, the two became quiet; the only audible noise came from the speaker near the house. At first, the tallest one was a bit suspicious but then, he just assumed that the water wore them out and now they resorted to something more relaxing. And that’s where he made his mistake. Out of nowhere, he felt four hands wrapping around his ankles and before he could do anything to stop his fate, he was pulled into the water, his body shocked from the temperature change.

“Fuck!” He joined two men in laughter, they looked very proud of themselves. “I guess it’s my own, damn fault.” Styles shook his head and pushed his wet hair back. His companions didn’t look even close to being finished fooling around, so he just laid on his back and swam away from them, leaving friends to their own devices while he relaxed in the cooling river.

“Dinner’s ready, you fools!” Zayn exclaimed when Harry took the burgers off the grill. The spread of toppings was quite modest, to be honest, but they were on vacation; not the time for elaborate cooking projects.

“Finally.” Niall moaned as he emerged from the water, followed by Louis.

Before Styles took care of his burger, he assembled two according to his boyfriend’s usual order. The whole group sat at the table and started chowing down on their dinner, the water activities fully emptied their stomachs.

“Looking a bit red, aren’t we?” Harry teased the Irish pal as the light from two garden fixtures fell on his silhouette, revealing red patches on his forehead, nose and shoulders.

“Oh, sod off.” The man spewed, visible regret on his face when his skin dried and started burning. “You were right Mr Responsible, we know.” Four men joined in a chuckle, their mouths stuffed with food. 

“I’ve put aloe in the fridge, Zayn can help you apply it if you want.” Styles offered, thoughtful as always. A full assortment of typical mum stuff in his luggage.

“I bet he can.” Louis chuckled at his own joke, sipping his beer in between bites. Music still blaring from the speaker despite the late hour. The closest neighbour was too far away to be disturbed by them being loud.

Zayn only shrugged, showing how completely indifferent he was to touching Horan; straight guys were not exactly his cup of tea, not to mention that for the first time in a while, he was a part of something serious. But that was the thing that nobody knew in that group. They were pushing, especially the smallest one; little shit Zayn couldn’t stay mad at, even though not that long ago he was ready to strangle him with his bare hands. 

“I think I’ll head upstairs, a long day ahead of us tomorrow.” Malik announced when he finished eating. He collected the empty dishes and carried them home, leaving his companions behind. Then, he just took a brisk shower and headed to his bedroom; waiting impatiently for the phone call which was the sole reason why he left so early. 

“I’m knackered too, I better go. I don’t want to look at… this.” He pointed at Louis, the boy looking sweetly at his boyfriend, his legs thrown over Harry’s; the student tried to divide his attention so he wouldn’t seem rude. He didn’t do that great of a job, unfortunately.

“Jokes aside, better put that aloe on. I can help you if you can’t reach. Or Louis, I don’t care.” Styles advised and brought a bottle to his lips, the last of his warm beer slipped down his throat.

“I’ll manage. You lovebirds just better entertain yourselves or something.” Not even a minute later, Niall vanished in the depths of the cabin they were occupying for the weekend. And the “lovebirds” sure started entertaining themselves. Their lips pressed together as soon as they were left alone.

“Aren’t you sleepy yet?” Harry asked as they were laying back on the pier, this time on a blanket to avoid splinters. Their feet submerged in the river; the water seemed colder when the sun was down. 

“Not really.” The boy shook his head, he kept his attention on the stars that dotted the dark sky especially lavishly that night. Or maybe that’s what he thought since the celestial bodies weren’t nearly as visible in the city. They were so peaceful, just lying there in silence broken only by the loud chirping of crickets, hidden in the high grass around the river bank and croaking of the frogs. The complete darkness disturbed only by the moon and the faint light from the garden fixtures that almost completely faded before it got to them.

“What are you thinking about?” Styles asked, his head propped on his hand as he observed his boyfriend’s concentrated face. 

“Nothing really. Was just thinking that you can’t see the stars back home.” A wide grin appeared on Harry’s face when for the first time, he heard his boyfriend addressing Manchester as his home. He always used that word carefully, reserved only for Doncaster. It might have been just a slip-up but considering that it never happened before, brunette doubted it. “What are you so happy about?” The boy asked, a surprised look on his face.

“Nothing, I just love you.” The man cut the topic and dipped his head to place a kiss on his lover’s lips. The smaller one pulled him deeper than he expected, invading the privacy of his mouth with his wandering tongue.

For some reason, this likely mistake on Louis’ part was the biggest giveaway that the boy was making progress in his therapy. While Harry himself, called his partner his “home” a while ago, it was still something so exhilarating to hear him do the same, even though it might have been accidental, or not related to Styles at all. Deep down he wished that it was though.

“Please, don’t fuck in there.” They’ve heard an unexpected voice when Niall came down to get his phone from the table. The encounter messed a bit with the mood but as soon as their mutual friend went back into the house, their lips gravitated towards each other, agitating one another right away.

“Didn’t you hear him?” Harry chuckled when their lips parted, wet sensation reminiscent of Louis, whose hand slipped under his boyfriend’s swim trunks, stroking his thigh in a spot dangerously close to his semi-hard dick.

“Do you think he would return after what he saw?” The smaller one asked. He was right, there was no way Niall would expose himself to the trauma of catching somebody having sex, not to mention his best friend and his gay lover. “That’s what I thought.” Tomlinson reunited their lips, silent smacks joined the surrounding sounds of the night, creating their own music as he caressed the thin skin on his partner’s groin.

One last time, the older one considered the probability of them getting caught; after the chances turned out to be slim, neither of their friend’s windows outlooking the river, he gave into the lust. Something incredibly arousing about the way he was touched right there, in the open.

“Who would’ve thought that I’m dating such a daredevil.” Brunette laughed, his body shaking just a bit but then, he laid back on the planks, surrendering fully to his man, who knelt to his side, sliding the trunks from Harry’s bony hips. “What a naughty boy.” The man shook his head, a wide grin on his face when he felt a fist tightening around his shaft, bold strokes bringing the man’s erection to full fruition.

“You smell like a swamp.” Tomlinson laughed as he slipped his boyfriend’s length deeper into his mouth, fondling it with his tongue as he sucked. 

“Is that a good or a bad thing?” The taller one chuckled, everything in his brain focused on not making a Shrek reference that would probably ruin the mood. But the laughter still shook his body, he couldn’t shield his thoughts from the green ogre.

Louis didn’t respond, his mouth was preoccupied at the moment. He only shrugged, the fact that he kept on pleasing his lover with his mouth was a clear indicator that it couldn’t be that bad. The tip popped out of Tomlinson’s mouth, a sound carried by the silence accompanying the occurrence. He stopped moving, his hand still wrapped around Harry’s cock as he looked at the man who wouldn’t stop laughing.

“What’s so funny?” He asked; an unusual note in his voice made him sound almost offended.

“Nothing, sorry it’s stupid.” The taller man tried to compose himself, focusing his attention on the small hand clasped around his shaft. It helped.

“Tell me.” Louis demanded, his hand not even twitching, taunting the aroused boyfriend.

“Shrek.” Styles admitted, knowing damn well how it sounded. But instead of getting weirded out, the smaller man just chuckled and proceeded to tug onto his boyfriend’s dick.

“You’re such an idiot.” He shook his head, dropped it lower and licked a bold stripe around the base of the erection he was massaging.

“Oh… fuck.” Brunette cursed; this was the thing indicating that he was getting close, Styles always polite, wasn’t really the type to excessively curse.

Instead of pulling out, giving his man some time to cool down, Louis just dug his throbbing cock into his mouth, making sure to press his lips tightly to the length as his head bobbed up and down, his fingers gently fondling with his partner’s balls. The stimulation in all the right places made him go haywire, his body pressed firmly to the blanket as he grunted, his swollen lip bitten as he let himself go, releasing his come into his boyfriend’s throat. The substance swallowed by the smaller man, his lips still tight on the shaft as he slid it out from his mouth and let it fall onto Harry’s thigh.

“Now I’m tired.” Louis announced as he rubbed his jaw, aching from the activity that just concluded.

“Shower and then…” The older one wondered, suggesting the outcome he was secretly hoping for.

“And sleep, Niall asked us to be good! Don’t you remember?” Lou pretended to be outraged by an unsaid proposition. He threw his boyfriend’s swim trunks onto his belly and left him there, the man quickly catching up with him, shorts back on his body.

~*~

_“Where are you?”_ Harry sent the text as he waited for his boyfriend quite a long time already. Was it totally uncharacteristic for Louis to be late? No. But he was supposed to pick Styles up from work over thirty minutes ago and he hasn’t even sent a text.

It was the second message Styles had sent. Neither of them answered. He started getting nervous, as much as he tried not to, he remembered the last time his partner has gone silent on him like that and those memories made him panic internally.

While he knew that it’s probably nothing, he’d like to at least know what’s happening with Louis. He knew that he was not in his flat, he called Niall already, so that was out of the way. Was he still at work? He shouldn’t be. His shift ended over an hour prior.

_“I’m going home.”_ Brunette sent and sighed, irritated with his boyfriend’s behaviour. He checked if everything was how it’s supposed to be, scooped some gelato into a plastic container for Louis to enjoy later since it was the sole reason why he liked visiting his man at work and left, closing the place down because it was his turn.

His legs were tired from standing the whole day but he still strutted the street to get the treat he’s packed for his boyfriend into the freezer as soon as possible. Thankfully, it only took him five minutes to get to his flat. As he predicted, it was empty. He hoped that Louis would be there. But no, this occurrence made him even more anxious.

_“Is Louis with you by any chance?”_ In the last, desperate attempt, the student texted his best friend, Zayn. It was unlikely that they would hang out without him but it happened a few times. Still, nothing to excuse Tomlinson not answering his phone.

Malik was quite lousy when it came to keeping up with his texts. That’s why Harry threw his device on the coffee table and started pacing as if it would speed up this whole process.

Surprisingly, the mobile buzzed while the man was on his sixth circle.

 _“Yeah, in a pub. I’ll drop him off at yours later.”_ A heavy weight lifted off student’s shoulders as he read that his boyfriend was safe. Why would he just ditch him and go hang out with his friend instead? He could’ve just said something… right?

To be completely honest, Zayn’s message didn’t help that much with the anxiety Harry was experiencing. While the question of Louis’ whereabouts was answered, the new one emerged. 

Why?

Louis never stood up his partner like that, he often picked him up from work; they had a little stroll down the street while they ate gelato and just caught up on each other’s day. Maybe the man was reading too much into it and the boy just forgot. His nature did not let him just let the issue go, he couldn’t help but overthink the whole thing; his hand scribbling frantically on the pages of his notebook as he spilt his thoughts on the paper.

It was past three in the morning and Harry was still wriggling in his bed as he tried to fall asleep. Well… tried to convince himself that he was struggling to fall asleep. To be honest, he knew damn well that he’s not going to succeed before the space to his left is occupied by his boyfriend. The moon shone directly into his window, a big silver face flooding the room with light, not making his bullshit task any easier.

But then, he heard a commotion, the door to his flat opening and a familiar giggle that made all of his worries vanish into thin air. The man sprung out of his bed and quickly put on a pair of boxers. He heard his friend’s voice, trying to silence his boyfriend without much success. That didn’t matter, Harry was not asleep either way.

Brunette left his bedroom and walked in on Zayn struggling to transport Louis to the bedroom. Seeing that both men were in different stages of intoxication, he quickly approached them and hung his boyfriend’s arm around his neck, doing way better of a job keeping him standing up

“Are you crashing? The couch is yours if you want it.” Styles asked his friend, who without Tomlinson dragging him down didn’t quite as drunk.

“Nah, my Uber’s downstairs. Night, Louis.” The smallest man mumbled something in response as their mutual friend left. Harry locked the apartment right after him.

“Somebody had fun.” The taller man chuckled as he basically carried his partner to the bedroom. He sat him on the mattress, the boy collapsing onto it right away. “Wait, we have to get you undressed.” Louis smiled when his boyfriend struggled to get him out of his shorts, denim material snuggly hugging his sizable bottom.

When he finally managed to dig his partner under the covers, he laid right next to him; the boy reeked of cigarettes and booze but that was not important. The presence of those small snores, not that far from Harry’s ear was everything he needed to fall asleep…

“All I’m saying is that you could’ve just texted me. I waited for you like an idiot and you went to the pub with Zayn. How is this fair?” Harry sounded irritated when he confronted his boyfriend about the way he was stood up a day prior. He had a good reason though. Mostly the fact, how worried he was because of his boyfriend’s irresponsibility; not even the fact of him not coming to the meeting.

“I had to talk to someone, sorry. Should’ve texted you, you’re right.” Tomlinson apologized; his expression equally as blank as his words. Saying that he was hangover would’ve been an understatement.

“Why couldn’t you just talk to me? Did something happen? Tell me.” Brunette insisted as he was stirring the eggs he was scrambling for breakfast.

“Nothing happened, I just needed to talk to Zayn. You wouldn’t get it.” The words caused a sudden sadness flood the taller man’s mind. He always thought that they could talk about anything, apparently, this was not something that his boyfriend agreed with.

“Okay.” Harry dropped the topic and plated the breakfast for them. They didn’t bother eating at the table, they just sat on the couch and ate in silence. For the most part. “Are you going to be home when I get back or do you have any plans that I should know about? Maybe you’re leaving for a trip around the world or something?” Styles’ petty side came to the light as he was gathering their dishes. That part of him manifested quite rarely but it was there, both men already knew that.

“You don’t have to be an asshole.” Louis answered. “What? I’m not allowed to have anybody besides you? You realize how fucked up that sounds?”

“I never said that you’re not allowed to have friends besides me for fuck’s sake!” Styles raised his voice and went to his bedroom to get dressed before work. “It’s just… I thought we’re not doing that. Or are we? Just keeping stuff from each other? Thought we were better than that, apparently not.” Louis was not in a mood to be yelled at; if there was ever a time he was in the mood for that. He just left on the balcony, sat on the tiles and started smoking. Two cigarettes after, Harry was already out of the apartment; Lou observing the man as he walked to the restaurant, his steps heavy. He was angry.

He had every right to be mad, that was not something that Louis questioned. But how was he supposed to tell him that he just forgot to cancel on him when he knocked on Zayn’s door after another breakdown he went through on his drive home? This time there was nothing that triggered it, it just happened.

While Malik made quite good of a job taking Tomlinson’s mind off the dark thoughts, he only postponed the whole debacle. As soon as the boy sobered, all of it came back. His misery doubled by the scolding he got from his boyfriend…

Harry got back to his apartment a bit later than he usually used to. He felt incredibly guilty for snapping at his boyfriend before he left. That’s why he ended up taking a stroll around the neighbourhood to clear his mind and think of an appropriate apology because he owed Louis one.

But when he opened the apartment, it turned out to be empty. Something that he didn’t expect.

_“Where are you? I want to talk.”_ He texted his boyfriend immediately and put the bunch of sunflowers he picked up for his man into a vase with water; the flowers set on his kitchen island.

While he waited for the response, if there was ever going to be any; Harry decided to spill the thoughts that were bugging him while he was at work into his notebook; most of the pages already filled with his frequent rants. He didn’t know if they helped, it was nice to have an output for them but other than that… he was not sure about the method. He’d much rather have a friend he could tell about all of his doubts. He had one, but Zayn was not always there to listen to him and he couldn’t be blamed for that, he had his life after all.

Styles was scribbling in his notepad for twenty minutes but still didn’t get an answer to his text. He didn’t know if Louis just missed the message or was mad at him to the point of ignoring his text. Probably the latter considering how childish brunette acted before he left for work.

After a long while of thinking, the contents of Harry’s brain constantly filling more and more pages of his notebook; he decided to give his boyfriend a moment and not bother him anymore. It hasn’t come easy to him, not at all. He liked to at least know where Louis was but at this point, he decided not to add fuel to the fire.

~*~

“Who’s Jonah?” Harry heard even before he realized that he was not alone in his bed. A beloved voice filled with something that the man hasn’t heard yet.

“Jonah is a guy I met in a bar. We chatted maybe three times.” It took Styles some time to fully wake up from his slumber and answer the question. His voice even raspier than usual.

“You’ve chatted?” Louis scoffed; his back turned to his boyfriend. He was mad, yet again. Mad for a good reason, at least that’s what he thought. “What did you chat about?”

“Nothing really, just small talk.” Brunette sighed and got up from his bed, leaving his partner because the boy's pointed tone clearly indicated the direction their exchange was heading in. And Harry was not interested in another pointless argument. But he wasn’t mad at Lou for trying to start one, he did the same thing only a day before.

“Why don’t you want to talk about it? I thought you wanted to talk? Or are you just exclusively having chats with your new friend?” The taller one couldn’t help but smirk. Thankfully, his back was turned to his partner. Brunette’s expression would just infuriate the boy even more if he caught it.

“You sound ridiculous, Louis. Just yesterday you were saying that we’re allowed to have other friends. Or does that just apply to you?” Styles took out a takeaway container and popped it into the microwave, reheating leftover pasta he brought from the restaurant.

“My friends don’t flirt with me, they don’t buy me drinks.” Tomlinson left on the balcony; clouds of white smoke emerged around him as he started smoking.

“How did you even… oh, fucking hell.” The student cursed as he shook his head after he realized how his boyfriend even learned about his new friend. No… a friend would be an overstatement.

But then, he started panicking, struggling to keep his anxiety hidden as he ate his breakfast on the couch, fighting through nausea. He wasn’t nervous about the Jonah issue, he had nothing to be guilty about in that case. He felt awful about the other things he wrote in the journal that his boyfriend got to. Not that it was hard for him to find it, Harry left the damn thing on the desk like an idiot he was. If his boyfriend got to the part when he mentioned his new bar companion, he was bound to see those rants that Styles wrote on the pages, drunk out of his mind when Louis was gone.

Now, everything was clear. In Harry’s opinion, his boyfriend reacted incredibly mildly considering the things he wrote in his notebook. Or maybe he didn’t and the true storm was raging on the inside… that was probably the case, knowing the boy. The brunette knew his partner too well to lie to himself that it wasn’t the truth.

“Can you just sit with me for a bit? Give me a chance to explain myself.” Louis was pulled away from his thoughts. His arms pressed to the railing as he smoked his third cigarette, postponing the unavoidable moment when he had to return to his man. His efforts ruined by his partner, who came out to get him.

Without saying a word, Tomlinson put his cigarette out, left it in the ashtray and followed the other man. He sat on the couch, his arms crossed on his chest as he pressed his body to the corner; the distance between men as big as possible.

“First of all, I want to say that there’s nothing between me and that man but I know that it’s not the real reason why you’re mad at me.” Harry shifted in his seat, struggling to even find words to apologize for the shit he wrote in the journal. It wasn’t necessarily anything pointed at Louis himself; Styles could never bring himself to say a bad word about his boyfriend, no matter how poorly he was treated by the boy. “I don’t know how far you’ve read but I just want you to know that it’s a bunch of bullshit I wrote when I was drunk and hurt. I don’t think like that, neither of those things I wrote reflects the way I feel about you.”

The smaller guy sat still; his lips pressed in a thin line. Something cold in his stare made his boyfriend’s body react with a shiver.

“The only thing that was true is that I love you so much and you mean the world to me. Fuck, more than the world.” Nothing brunette said got any kind of reaction from his partner; like he didn’t even hear him. “I know that you probably hate me right now, I deserve that just… please don’t take anything I wrote to yourself. This is a bunch of utter garbage.”

“How am I not supposed to take it to myself? You wrote that we’d be better off without each other.” A hysteric note in Louis’ voice showed that he was not as indifferent about his boyfriend’s words as he posing to be. He was hurt. And Harry wasn’t surprised, there was some vile stuff in that notebook.

“I was hurt, Louis. You’ve just left. I didn’t know where you were, didn’t know what to do., I know that it doesn’t excuse writing any of that but you have to put yourself in my position. I had nobody to talk to, so I’ve started writing whatever my mind spewed out, ranting to a piece of fucking paper until I’ve passed out drunk because nobody would listen...” Styles realized that his hands were shaking as he spoke, he squeezed them in between his thighs as he leaned to his boyfriend to close the gap, even a little bit.

He hated bringing up the topic of Louis’ absence. He knew how guilty his partner felt about abandoning him like that, but he needed to do that to convince the boy that he didn’t mean any of the things he wrote. Mostly drunken rants about the toxicity of their relationship.

“You could’ve talked to your new friend, couldn’t you?” A deep sigh emerged from the taller one’s gut as his partner returned to the topic that brunette thought was finished. Something so insignificant in the context of all of the contents of his journal. Harry knew it was just a ploy to deviate from the real problem but what else could he say? It seemed like all of his words just fully missed his boyfriend’s ears.

“I can’t do this Louis. I can’t bear arguing with you right now. I feel like a complete dipshit if that makes you feel better. Honestly, there’s no way I could feel any worse about the damn thing, especially that I’ve hurt you like that with things I didn’t even mean.” The man got up from his seat, a few steps later he found himself in the kitchen as he filled a glass with water. “I’ve said what I had to say about that stupid journal. If you don’t believe me just break up with me, ignore all of the ways I’ve ever expressed how much I love you because of a fucking notebook. I don’t know why would I even stick with this if you were such a nightmare but you seem to have an answer.” Brunette finished talking and closed the door to his bedroom, leaving his boyfriend sitting on the couch to make the decision.

But the verdict was not going to be announced just yet. He heard the door closing after his partner left. Instead of crying, Harry just screamed into the pillow, mad at himself for causing the whole thing. Not even a minute later he found himself in the living room, tearing his “friend” to shreds. What a great friend, one that just most likely ended the best thing that ever happened to him.

~*~

“So what? He just left and you haven't seen him since?” Zayn asked as he leaned towards his friend over the table, a drink squeezed between his slim fingers.

“Well… yeah.” Harry admitted, trying not to express how mentally draining this whole experience was for him. “I was sort of hoping he’d call you or something. You’re kind of close and with Niall, he never really talks like… that.”

“No, he hasn’t… sorry. I can try to hit him up if that helps?” This was the third evening Styles spent in a bar. The third evening since Louis left without saying a word. Something that was not exactly surprising for him to do since the boy tended to avoid difficult topics by fleeing.

“No, don’t.” The taller one shook his head frantically. The last thing he wanted to do was to involve their mutual friend in their disagreements. “If he wants to talk… he knows where to find me.” A flippant shrug shook his body; the façade he’s put out not fooling the man opposite of him, Zayn knew those eyes too well not to read the darkness hidden behind them.

“And you’re completely okay like that? Not even worried?” The shorter man interrogated, slowly getting annoyed at a stranger sitting at a bar. The blonde bloke was evidently eavesdropping on their conversation.

“Well… no, but what can I do? I’ve apologized, I’ve explained myself… the next step is on him.”

“You’re spying on him, aren’t you?” Zayn shook his head as his friend’s face flushed, giving him the answer, he was seeking.

“I just know that he’s in the city.” Harry said and finished his drink. “Are we doing that wall or what?” He asked, the sole reason the men met was to paint something but it was late and they haven’t even left the bar.

“Ah, not today. I need to head home. Maybe Saturday?”

“You could’ve told me that you want to check up on me instead of making excuses.” Styles’ eyes rolled as he checked on his phone, purely out of habit. Nothing, for the third day. The only thing he received was a call from Zayn.

“Yeah, probably should have.” The shorter man admitted. “So… you’re good for now? Not going into a breakdown?” Malik looked at his watch, he seemed nervous.

“I’m okay. You can go get that dick.” Styles lied and smirked at his friend who almost immediately slid out of their usual booth. “But this is the last time I’m letting you go without telling me anything about that guy. It’s been long enough.”

“FINE.” Zayn growled jokingly and put his jacket on. “Next time.” He messed up his friend’s hair with his palm and left the bar, throwing on the table a few banknotes to pay for the drinks.

Solitude was everything Harry needed at the moment. He knew damn well he was not going to get it in that bar. His new “friend” waited the entire evening for Zayn to leave, and just as the student has predicted, he took the seat that became available just two minutes ago. A stranger was grinning at the brunette, who had nothing to be happy about.

“You should stop eavesdropping so much. Or do a better job of it.” Styles spoke as soon as Jonah slid a full glass towards him. A glass he accepted. “Next time you’re going to get punched by my friend, I’m surprised he hasn't done that yet. He has quite a temper.” Haz chuckled as he sipped his cold drink. The alcohol slowly seeping into his mind, a sweet distraction he needed.

“Well… good luck to him I guess.” The man shrugged, not concerned with the threat. “Haven’t seen you in a while. It was boring in here.”

“I was here yesterday and the day before… which is stupid of me, to be honest.” Harry realized how dumb he was, he shouldn't even entertain this man with small talk. This random acquaintance was not worth hurting Louis over.

While the man knew that his boyfriend’s jealousy was unfounded, he still decided to end the friendship that hasn’t even sprouted yet.

“Now I’m regretting I've stayed at home. Didn’t expect you to be here.” Brunette’s words seemed to completely miss his companion’s ears as he kept on babbling. “Good to see you today though, what about tomorrow? Should I bother?”

“No, you shouldn’t.” Harry cut the man off. “I really shouldn’t even be here in the first place. Sorry, Jonah, you’re a nice guy but I think you have a wrong idea. I’m not looking for anybody, I’m in a relationship, I’m happy… I have to go.” The man gathered his belongings from the table, downed the rest of his drink and stood up.

“Are you happy though?” The man asked; a bold note in his voice indicated that he knew the answer already as if he had any idea about his companion’s love life.

“I am. Thanks for your concern and for keeping me company.” Brunette left the booth, taking his empty glasses to the bar, where he paid for the drinks he had with Zayn and the one Jonah has brought him. Not looking back, Styles stormed out of the building, livid that somebody had the audacity to even question his happiness in a relationship with Louis.

_“Please, just tell me you’re okay.”_ Harry typed as he was on his way to his apartment. He was desperate at this point, it was the third day he had to live with himself after hurting his partner. An unbearable feeling in his gut as he lived in uncertainty regarding Lou’s wellbeing. A pain far worse than any kind he ever endured. But the student was left on read, yet again. 

Fifteen minutes after sending his text he was already at his door, his head hung as he wondered if he should turn back and go straight to his partner’s apartment. What could he possibly do there? He already apologized, saying it more wouldn’t make Tomlinson’s stubborn ass budge. Not when Harry was clearly in the wrong and he fucked up big time.

This was the first time Styles was guilty of something that put a strain on their relationship. While he was partially responsible for the fiasco that came out from their getaway in February but that time, Louis was at fault too. Making the whole notebook debacle the first time brunette had fucked up so much.

Styles pushed the door to his apartment and was immediately alerted by a lamp that was turned on, even though he was certain he hasn’t left it on. But then a familiar smell of tobacco smoke hit his nostrils and his heart jumped to his throat. Without thinking too much, he headed to the balcony and there, he was. Sitting on the tiles, the love of Harry’s life. 

He just sat there, next to the smoker. Pressing his head onto his boyfriend’s shoulder when he didn't react to his arrival. The tears he didn’t even realize he had in his eyes have broken the border and started slipping down his face, wet trails leading to the material of Louis’ t-shirt.

“I’m sorry.” The taller one just whispered; his voice weak.

“I’m okay.” Louis finally spoke, his free hand found its way to Harry’s knee, squeezing it in a comforting gesture. “I mean, I’m stupid... but okay.” The boy chuckled, smoke seeping through his lips as he did. “I overreacted. You were right. We’re not good for each other.”

“No… don’t say that.” Styles pleaded, his palm covering the one resting on his knee entirely. He missed those touches so much. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“All of those other things had to be pretty shitty then.” Lou pressed his head to his boyfriend’s. Suddenly, everything was alright. Without the thought of possible breakup, Harry could breathe again; the void in his heart filled immediately by the boy he loved.

“My life has been amazing for the most part. So that says a lot about you.”

“Yeah, right.” Tomlinson scoffed.

“I think you should keep doing it.” Louis broke the silence after they sat on the tiles for over half an hour that felt like nothing. The time flew when they were together, longing for one another after the separation.

“Do what?” The older one was pulled away from his thoughts, his mind wandering as he clung to his partner.

“Write, you should keep writing.” The smaller one’s body stretched as he stood up, his hands reaching for his boyfriend’s palms, lifting the man up when he got ahold of them. “I got this for you.” Lou said as he pulled his partner into the apartment. A notebook in his hands. The same, exact type as the one that started their whole relationship.

“Thank you, I don’t know if I should though.” Harry sighed and retrieved the fresh, leather-bound book from his boyfriend’s hands. He untied the strings and flipped the empty, cream-coloured pages until he found one that was already inked. “For when you can’t stand my annoying ass. Love, Louis.” The man smiled as he read out loud the words written in attempted cursive.

“I thought this was the end, I love you so much. I’m so sorry.” Styles whispered in his partner’s ear when they spooned in the bed, struggling to fall asleep from the excitement they felt from being back together. The man felt the imaginary object obstructing his breathing as he recalled the things he felt when he thought he lost Louis.

But Tomlinson didn’t say a word. Instead, he just squeezed the hand he was holding even tighter, his finger grazing the delicate skin under his fingertips as they fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

“What are we having for breakfast?” Harry asked as he was looking through the contents of his refrigerator. “Eggs? Pancakes?” The man proposed over the sound of gunshots from a game Louis was playing for the last... god knows how much time.

“I’m not hungry, eat what you want.” The boy murmured, his sight focused on a herd of inhuman creatures he was shooting at.

“Did you eat?” Styles inquired, knowing that his boyfriend was on his another no-eating streak. The shorter man just nodded, not convincing his partner. “What did you eat?”

“Ice cream.” Louis mumbled after a while, a defeated note in his voice as he realized that he had fucked up and now, he’s going to be forced to eat.

“Ice cream is not a breakfast.” The taller man, without asking any further questions started fixing them a meal. After a bit of thinking, he settled on sandwiches since he had some good quality sourdough he brought from the restaurant a day prior.

“I’m not hungry.” Tomlinson whined when his man gave him a plate to empty. Instead of eating, the boy started sipping the tea Harry brewed for them.

“I don’t want to hear that.” Styles shook his head as he took a bite of his sandwich. Lou knew that he had lost that battle, so he just started picking off some of the vegetables his boyfriend incorporated into their breakfast. At the end of his modifications, it was just a ham and cheese sandwich with some lettuce. Here’s to a healthy meal.

Harry was not going to complain though; the sole fact that Louis ate something was good enough. Ever since they reconciled after their latest argument, the boy was practically living in his boyfriend’s apartment. That’s what gave Harry a good opportunity to observe his behaviour. And just as he thought, it was bad again. And brunette knew that this time, he was responsible, which made the whole thing even more devastating.

They were basically back to the beginning of their relationship, staying home as much as it was possible. Most of the time not even talking since Louis kept distracting himself with video games. In desperate attempts to interact with his boyfriend, Harry got back into playing them, but that was not enough for him.

And while he could endure the lack of affection, the way Louis was neglecting his basic needs was too much. He had to be pretty much forced to eat and sleep, most of which he got on the couch, right in front of that damn TV when he finally gave in to the exhaustion after countless hours of playing games.

He also developed a habit of lying to his boyfriend. Lying whether he ate or not, the same went for sleeping. He would make up stories about how he slept the whole night on the couch as if Harry didn’t hear him play when he kept waking up to check on him. But he wouldn’t intervene at that moment, this would just be asking for another argument. Styles would just call him out on his bullshit later, thinking that maybe he’d stop lying eventually. Well, the strategy proved ineffective, the boy never seemed to learn.

That’s why it was so important for Harry to keep his boyfriend close, take good care of him while he couldn’t be bothered doing that himself. That’s what he promised Lou's mom after all. The first time they met, and the last time they’ve talked on the phone. The woman called Styles after she couldn’t reach her son. Maybe this wasn’t very fair to do, but he couldn’t help himself but share his concerns about his boyfriend’s state. Regretting it right after since worrying about her son was the last thing Jay needed at the time.

But he was exhausted; tired of watching the love of his life hurting like that, neglecting everything important for the sake of playing video games. In a desperate attempt to distract himself from the storm that was happening in his head. His life looked like it was on the autopilot ever since they've made up. He went to work, got back and played video games till he fell asleep on the couch. With infrequent breaks to pretend that he’s eating or for a cigarette. And that was on a good day. The good days were the ones when their schedules matched one another, making it easier for Harry to keep an eye on his man.

When Styles wasn’t as lucky and their shifts haven’t matched, he’d resort to sending food to the apartment, making Louis send him photos of emptied dishes. But he couldn’t be sure if the boy truly ate. That’s why, whenever he could he’d ask either Zayn or Niall to come by with unannounced visit and keep his boyfriend company. That was a second-best thing.

Malik also came in handy when it came to getting Louis out of the house. The thought of a walk with Harry didn’t seem too appealing to the boy, so Styles very much appreciated whenever Zayn would take his boyfriend out to watch him paint or for some drinks. Whatever got him off that damn couch, which already developed an imprint of Louis’ ass on one of the cushions.

And this was how they were living for some time now, one day at the time. Harry in constant fear that it could get worse. That he’d come back from work one time and just not have Louis there, his man yet again vanished somewhere. That’s why he didn’t complain about the current state of things. Now he knew that it could be far worse than having his boyfriend in his apartment pretty much all the time.

“Here.” Tomlinson sighed as he slid the plate on the table, it was empty for the most part, the only thing left was a pile consisting of pickles and tomatoes but Harry knew he was foolish for even thinking the boy would eat them.

“See? Wasn’t that hard, was it?” The older one chuckled as he took the last bite of his sandwich, finishing his breakfast with the vegetables taken off his boyfriend’s.

Louis didn’t answer, he was already back into the zone, controller vibrating violently in his small hands as he slashed more and more monsters.

After he was done with his meal, Harry occupied himself with cleaning the apartment. It had a tendency of becoming pretty messy with two men living in it, one of which particularly disorganized.

He got the weekend off work, something that was a rare occurrence in the restaurant business. That’s why he was a bit bummed out that instead of taking advantage of the weather, he was stuck in the apartment, cleaning the place up.

But that was his life now, he was not going to complain as long as he had the company of his boyfriend. Well… company was a bit of an overstatement but Louis' disjointed, irritated grunts fine for the time being. 

After Harry made his apartment presentable, a load of laundry already in the washing machine, another one ready to go in as soon as the first one finishes; he sat next to Louis and just observed his blank face as he got through the game. Cursing from time to time when the things didn’t go to his plan.

“What do you want for dinner?” The man asked when his boyfriend came back from the bathroom, his belly wet from the water that splashed on it while he was washing his hands.

“I don’t know.” Tomlinson shrugged and got back on the couch, his head rested on Harry’s lap as he curled his legs up to his chest. The behaviour very surprising, yet incredibly appreciated by the man, whose fingers were now entangled in his boyfriend’s overgrown hair, gently massaging his scalp with his fingertips.

“Are you tired?” A silent sigh escaped Louis’ mouth as he nodded. “Maybe you should take a nap.” Styles proposed, one of his hands slid down Lou’s back, grazing the skin ever so slightly in a soothing motion. Everything in his power to make the boy fall asleep.

“Maybe.” He murmured, as he yawned. “Are you very busy?” He asked his boyfriend who grinned widely at the possibility of a nap.

“No, let’s just lay down.” Harry proposed and Tomlinson got off his lap, dragging his feet across the apartment to get to the bed. His man followed right after, opening the windows as Louis climbed onto the bed. For the first time in at least three days, two men were laying next to each other, their bodies pushed together as they cuddled. Something about the way the boy himself reached out for the affection made the man hopeful about his actual mental state. Maybe it wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought?

All that mattered was the fact that they were there, together. The fact that Harry was everything but sleepy was irrelevant. He just laid there, stroking his partner’s side as he dozed off in his embrace, soaking up the tender moment while it lasted.

~*~

“Are you hungry?” Harry asked as they left the restaurant he worked in. A cone of gelato in Louis’ hand was not enough to satisfy his stomach which was rumbling aggressively.

“Not really.” The boy either lied or just got accustomed with the feeling to the point of not noticing it.

“We can go to McDonald’s.” The older one proposed, desperate to get his boyfriend to eat. Junk food was better than no food at all.

“Fine.” Tomlinson sighed as if he hated the idea of eating at his favourite place.

“I’m worried about you.” Styles finally admitted after over two weeks of suppressing the urge to have this conversation. Something about them being in a public setting, made him think that Louis would be less confrontational.

“Why? I’m fine.” The boy answered automatically between bites of his burger. He twisted his body towards his boyfriend and watched the man carefully selecting his words.

“It’s just… you’re different.” Brunette sighed and sipped his orange juice. “Ever since you’ve read that damn notebook.” Another dose of sorrow has greeted the student’s thoughts, he knew well enough that he was guilty of causing this… thing that Louis was going through. Even though the boy has repeatedly reassured him that he’s over the issue, the words he wrote still weighing on his consciousness. He was desperate to make things better, but he was also useless in the duel with Tomlinson’s damaged psyche.

“What are you talking about? I’m not different.” The boy scoffed. He finished his burger, now picking up fries by the bunch and devouring them quickly to get out of the conversation.

“You’re not eating, not sleeping, not going to therapy… Tell me what’s wrong. I’ve told you numerous times that nothing I wrote in that fucking thing was true. I don’t feel that way about you, about us…” Louis looked at the man, he seemed confused with the words that were spilling out of his boyfriend’s mouth. “And to be completely honest… I’m terrified right now. I know that I am responsible for whatever the fuck is happening to you. I hate seeing you on that couch, day and night playing those fucking games but at the same time I’m scared that one day I will wake up and you’re not going to be there.” A desperate tone laced Styles’ voice as he spilt his guts in front of his partner. The words he had written in his new journal for weeks, finally had an output.

“I am okay Harry, you’re overthinking again.” Tomlinson pushed himself towards his boyfriend in a comforting gesture. “I’m eating. I’m sleeping. And the therapy… It didn’t work, it was a waste of money and time.” He shrugged and crumpled the paper packaging left from his meal in a big pile. Without saying a word, he got up from his seat and headed to the exit, followed by his boyfriend.

“It worked Louis.” Harry continued when they left on the street. “But then you shut down and everything came back to the starting point.”

“Are you not happy?” Louis asked and brunette felt his heart sink at the thought that his boyfriend might think that he’s not.

“Of course, I am happy. I haven’t been happier in my life it’s just… I wish you’d feel the same way.” Their arms grazed upon each other and a spark travelled through their bodies. Styles wanted to grab the hand he got so used to holding some time before, but he knew he couldn’t. They were back at the point of not doing this sort of thing. At least they were talking…

Nobody spoke until they got back to the apartment. A bag of snacks dropped on the floor as Louis clung to his boyfriend’s lips just when they closed the door when they entered.

“Of course, I am happy. I might be doing a bad job of showing you how much I love you but… you make everything feel so right even when it’s wrong.” The smaller man pressed his body closer to his boyfriend’s and just hugged him. A dose of innocent closeness they both needed so much. They just stood there, at the door, for solid two minutes, only to move to the couch and continue enjoying their company in silence. Gifting each other those gentle touches that always said so much about the way they felt.

Deep down, Harry couldn't enjoy the moment completely. Couldn't give himself a break since everything he could think of was the fact that it's just a distraction. Louis always got clingy whenever his partner voiced his concern. He tried to pretend that everything is fine when it wasn't. Brunette caught his act a while before, he wasn't going to push him away though, so he let the boy sidetrack him. 

~*~

“He won’t do that, I can bet you everything. There’s no way.” Zayn shook his head, his hands crossed on his chest as he talked to his best friend.

“I know he won’t. I’m not that naive.” Harry sighed and settled deeper into his friend’s couch, his drink almost empty when his friend took his glass to refill it.

“What are you going to do about him? About the whole situation?”

“Nothing.” The taller one shrugged. “I don’t even know what more I could possibly do. I’ve tried everything. We’re on the fourth therapist and he’s still complaining.” Styles admitted. He felt guilty sharing the private aspects of his relationship like that but he needed to vent. Writing his thoughts down in a notebook was not enough, especially that now, that he knew his boyfriend was capable of reading it, he filtered the things he spilt on the pages.

“So, you’re just going to stay like that forever? You’re not his babysitter.” Malik once again provided unbiased insight into his friend’s relationship. Thankfully, despite the friendship that developed between him and Louis, Zayn was still able to keep it real, with both Harry and Tomlinson himself.

“If I have to, yes.” Styles retrieved his glass from his friend. “Why the green hair?” He asked in an attempt to change the subject. While Malik was prone to sudden hair colour changes, this was the first time he ventured into more unusual palette.

“For the fuck of it, I don’t know.” The smaller man chuckled. “Are you staying over?” He asked when he received a text from somebody that Harry has assumed was his new boyfriend. Actually, not a new one. Just the one that Styles only recently got the news about.

“No, Louis is probably waiting for me.” Brunette answered and took two gulps of the whiskey, emptying the glass in one go.

“Oh, I'm sure he can't wait for you to get back.” Malik scoffed, he knew how Tomlinson’s current routine looked like. There was no way that the boy was looking forward to his man's return. More likely, he enjoyed the alone time he was given, without Harry who couldn't bug him about stupid stuff like eating or sleeping.

“Don’t even start.” The taller one cut his friend off and got up from his couch. “When am I going to see you? You should drop by sometime.” Styles proposed. “I know that you’re too busy dating Mr Policeman but find some time for your normal friends.”

“We should hang out, just the four of us. On the weekend?” Zayn completely brushed over the mocking tone in his friend's voice. 

“Sure, I’ll invite Niall, I think there’s a game on Saturday. We’ll go to the bar, drink some beers. It will be cool.” Brunette planned as if a football game wasn’t near the top of the most boring ways to spend time with friends. Unfortunately, he was the only one who thought like that, the rest of the group were avid fans of that particular sport; that’s why Harry just got used to being bored for two hours straight during some of their meetings.

“Sounds great, see you on Saturday then.” Malik smiled at his friend, something in his behaviour indicating that he wanted to get Styles out of his apartment as soon as possible. Hearing the panicked note in the man’s voice, Harry gathered his belongings and left.

He didn’t leave fast enough though. On his way out, he passed a man dressed in a police uniform. The way the officer was attentively scanning student’s face as he walked by, gave Harry a clear understanding that this was the man behind his friend’s secret love affair. And he knew damn well that he had been identified too.

“I saw Zayn’s boyfriend.” Harry announced as he entered his apartment. Louis still in the same position he was left in, over five hours later.

“Yeah? You did?” The way the boy paused his game and brought his attention to his partner was a clear indication that he was curious. This was one of the prime ways Lou has shown interest over the course of those few weeks since the things got… weird. “Is he hot?”

“Yeah, I guess.” The taller man shrugged as he poured himself another drink, making one for his boyfriend as well. “I didn’t get a good look, I’ve just passed him when I was leaving. Zayn didn’t introduce us, he doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of his grown-up boyfriend.” Brunette laughed as he sat on the couch, he anticipated a cuddle session but that didn’t happen; Louis practically leaning away from him, his body wrapped in a blanket.

“He’s old?” Tomlinson asked as he got back to playing his game, his short fingers fidgeting with the buttons as he continued murdering nazi soldiers. He went still when Harry’s hand found its way to his thigh, the top of the palm grazing the naked skin as he sat in his boxers only.

“Old enough to be a police officer. He looked serious so maybe he has some experience… or it’s just the uniform. He had a gun, they don't give them to just anyone. I don’t know.” Styles pulled his hand away, discouraged by a complete lack of reaction to his touch. He was hurt. He knew that Louis still had a sex drive, not longer than three days prior he caught him masturbating, even though he cut Harry’s attempts to seduce him just the night before. He didn’t understand the reasoning behind his boyfriend’s actions, whatever it might have been, it took a toll on his confidence. Questions were popping into his head, most of which doubting that his partner still finds him desirable. Apparently not. “Did you eat when I was gone?” The taller man sighed deeply and pushed away the tears, which unwillingly flooded his eyes; thankfully, they went unnoticed by Lou who remained focused on his video game.

“Yeah, I did.” The boy nodded at the empty crisps bag laying on the coffee table.

“I meant real food.” Harry got up from the couch, knowing the answer to his question. It was almost one in the morning, that’s why he just heated a serving of ravioli he brought from his work a day prior.

“I’m not hungry.” Louis complained as his partner set the plate in front of him. The brunette wasn’t going to argue, his mood ruined by the way he was shut down, once again.

Without saying a word, he left the living room and entered the bathroom he locked the door behind himself, which was something that neither of them did without a reason. But there was a reason. Harry needed to be alone. Sitting in a bath, his mind woozy from the alcohol he poured into himself; he dozed off for a quick minute.

Not that quick, to be honest… he was in the bath till the water chilled. The duration of his nighttime routine not even once questioned by Louis, who was still on his virtual killing spree.

He left the bathroom, his body fully nude as he crossed the path to his bedroom; he didn’t get a single look from his partner. His eyes searching for the plate he left there almost an hour ago. The only thing interesting him was the amount of pasta left on it. It was still all there, not even touched.

Discouraged, Harry closed the door to the bedroom behind him to isolate himself from the sounds from Louis’ video game. He has learned already that thinking the boy would join him was delusional, most of the nights the boy spent on the couch. That didn’t stop Harry from still restricting himself strictly to his part of the bed, hoping that one day maybe the other side wouldn’t stay empty.

“Oh, sorry.” Harry heard when he got pulled back from his slumber. It was pitch black in the bedroom. Curtains were drawn, only the smallest amount of light seeping through the cracks. It must’ve been around four in the morning when Louis slipped on his side of the bed, waking his boyfriend up in the process but Styles himself couldn’t imagine a better way to be woken up at this point in their relationship. “Hello there.” The boy chuckled as his palm brushed over his partner’s morning wood, that had awoken right with him. Embarrassed, brunette pushed it down, trying to hide it from his boyfriend as if it was something shameful.

“I’m sorry.” The taller one mumbled, still half asleep as his boyfriend reached deeper under the covers, his hand wrapping around Harry’s engorged shaft. An unexpected touch made the man shudder. It has been a while since they had sex. Maybe four in the morning was not an ideal time to do that, but he still gave in to the pleasure, uncertain as to when he would get a chance next time.

“Stop. You did nothing wrong.” Louis cut him off, tugging on his erection as he reached for his bottom, slipping a salivated finger past brunette’s rim. Usually pleasurable sensation replaced by discomfort as his boyfriend seemed to be rushing to get him ready.

Harry panted heavily when his boyfriend pulled his hand away from his throbbing cock, leaving him wanting more as he squeezed some lube onto his fingers and traced man’s rim, leaving a layer of the substance on his partner’s opening.

“Get on your knees.” Tomlinson instructed and the older man complied, getting on all fours, back arched right before his lover who now knelt behind him, his lubricated head brushing against Harry’s ring.

Styles muffled a scream with a pillow when his boyfriend pushed into him. The lacklustre preparation resulted in the experience being unbelievably painful for him, not even the biggest amount of lube could’ve made things better. Coincidentally, Louis was unusually stingy with the product this particular night.

But he didn’t seem to notice the way brunette reacted to his thrusts. Brunette's throbbing cock went limp as Tomlinson rolled his hips, his hands resting on love handles Harry developed while working at the restaurant. Everything about the encounter was a nightmare for the student. Starting from the position. He hated doing it doggy style, he loved the connection they felt while facing each other in the process, their hands usually clasped together on the mattress. Another thing out of the ordinary was the way Tomlinson moved his hips. His thrusts fast, deep. Something robotic in the way his tempo hasn’t changed. Like he had his mind set on performing a task and nothing else mattered.

After further reflection, Styles decided that the position might have been the best choice for that specific night. At least Louis couldn’t see his face, deformed by the excruciating pain he felt with every stroke, something deep inside of him refraining his protest. Instead, he just buried his face in the pillow, his tears soaked into the material as he fully surrendered his body to his boyfriend, who just loved the way Harry was wrapped around his shaft, tighter than ever when he pushed the entirety of his length inside of him. Brunette only focused on muffling his despaired whines he was unable to stop from emerging as he felt his rear getting mutilated by his boyfriend. 

And then, Harry felt something he was waiting for since Louis’ cock broke the barrier of his rim. A warm come spilling inside of him, the painful obstruction leaving his body right after. The last of Styles’ clarity told him to get a tissue and act like he’s wiping his own load from his hand. The last thing his partner needed was self-consciousness about his sexual performance.

When it was all done, the taller one just fell back onto the mattress, setting his body on his belly since the feeling he experienced when he sat down made him want to screech. Lou didn’t even seem to be interested in whether his boyfriend came or not. He probably just assumed that he did, normally there were no problems like that between them. Harry easily climaxing at least once in the process.

But that night was different. Everything was so out of the ordinary. Starting from the way Louis touched him, ending on the way he just fell asleep right after leaving his boyfriend aching, both physically and mentally. Styles haven't managed to fall back to sleep. He just laid there, feeling used; reduced to a function of a sex toy by the man he loved so much until it was time to get up and pretend like everything was normal; like he didn’t feel humiliated by the experience, borderline dehumanized.

~*~

“Where are we headed?” Zayn asked when he got to Harry's apartment, in his usual fashion being the last one to arrive. Niall and Louis already drinking beer in front of the TV, watching pre-match studio.

“I don’t know, ask them.” The brunette shrugged and proceeded to sketch random shapes as he sat by his kitchen counter; not even remotely interested in the conversation going on between two lads sat on the couch.

“To the bar, where else could we go?” Niall answered as if it was the most obvious thing ever. It wasn’t. At least not for Harry and Louis who kind of blacklisted the spot from the list of possible hangout places but neither of them wanted to explain that decision, that’s why they’ve ended up in their usual location.

Styles sat on the seat next to the wall, granting his boyfriend a better view of the TV that was hung above the bar; the boy far more interested in the game than him. They weren’t talking, for the most part. Just loud cheering in the packed bar as the match progressed. Niall wasn’t a fan of either of the teams but it didn’t stop him from becoming the loudest one whenever it came to cheering. 

“Why the long face?” Zayn asked his best friend when the other two went to fetch them a refill of their pints. Brunette did not know what he could say that would make any sense. He felt blue for quite some time already. From the day he saw his friend’s boyfriend for the first time, the event unrelated to his mood though. He tried to work through it, he really did. He was more upset with himself than with Louis, though. Yeah, his partner shouldn’t have been this rough with him but on the other hand, Styles never said anything and it’s not like they haven’t gotten carried away in bed ever before.

He wished he had somebody to talk to about what happened that night. He obviously couldn’t say anything to Louis who to this day, lived in blissful ignorance about what transpired. He knew that speaking to Zayn about the issue would’ve further complicate his relation with Lou, so he just kept it all to himself. He couldn’t even vent in his journal since his boyfriend could get to it again and Harry decided that it’s better if the boy stays unaware. It wouldn’t do any good if he knew what he did; it wasn’t Louis.

“I’m just bored.” The man finally answered and his attention was brought to the door that flung open; a group consisting of three men and a woman walked into the already crowded bar. In one of those people, Harry quickly recognized Jonah; the man he used to see so frequently, now completely out of his life. But he was seen too, a wide grin on the blonde’s face as he walked deeper into the bar. Styles expected him to just pass their booth without saying a word, that’s what a normal person would do. But no, the man stopped, almost entirely obstructing the view of the bar with his broad silhouette. Haz only thankful that due to high demand, getting the drinks refilled took longer than usual.

“You’re enjoying the game, guys?” The blonde asked in his deep baritone, a wide smile still pinching his chubby cheeks.

“Yeah, I guess.” Styles shrugged; he was annoyed with the man. He gave him a clear indication that he’s not interested in his company but his polite nature just wouldn’t let him be rude to the man. Unlike Zayn, who couldn’t even be bothered with taking his eyes off his phone; he refused to give any attention to the man whom he remembered eavesdropping on the conversations he had with his mate. “Thought you’ve said there’s nothing interesting in here.” Harry inquired, the green-haired man raised his head, only then learning that his friend knew the man he always considered random.

“Looks like I was wrong.” The blonde smirked and turned his head when he heard his name; loud and clear for everybody to hear. It was his female friend, calling him over since the group finally found a place to sit. “I’ll better go… Have fun, guys.” The muscly bloke turned on his heel and just as Styles murmured something in response, he left, unveiling Louis and Niall who stood behind the guy. The expression on Tomlinson’s face was not even close to anything Harry has ever seen, the sheer fury in his eyes clearly showed that he heard the name of the man who just left.

But he took a deep breath and composed himself before any of their friends could register that’s something was wrong. He thought that he did that before his boyfriend noticed, but no. He was mistaken. 

“Who was that?” Niall asked as he slid next to Zayn, putting two of the heavy pints on the table, followed by Louis, who sat on the very edge of the seat. Visibly distancing himself from the brunette.

“Harry’s friend, I guess.” Zayn shrugged and took a sip of the cold lager that he just got delivered, a strip of foam stuck above his upper lip before he licked it off with the tip of his tongue.

Lou’s body tensed up as he heard the answer to the question, his leg nervously bouncing under the table; the reaction visible only to Harry who instantly regretted the day he met Jonah. 

It was weird for Louis to get that mad about the encounter. When they reconciled after their last big fight, the boy had reassured brunette multiple times that he doesn’t mind if he keeps seeing his friend because he trusts him. Apparently, that was another thing that his partner had lied about. Not the first one, and most likely not the last one.

The game came back on after the break and Harry returned to playing some puzzle game on his phone to kill the time that was left. The atmosphere in the bar shifted when the opponents scored two points in the first fifteen minutes of the second half. The bar was filled with a whole bunch of enraged men, their moods worse and worse every passing minute of the match. Their chances of winning significantly decreasing. 

And Styles couldn’t care less about the outcome. Niall and he seemed to be the only ones still unphased by the sudden change of leaders. The same couldn’t be said about Zayn and Louis who cursed under their breaths and downed their drinks, which due to the depressing feel become stronger. Now, double shots of whiskey brought to the table by the Irish lad who desperately tried to relax the half of their group.

“Maybe slow down a little.” Harry murmured into his boyfriend’s ear as he saw Louis’ face become redder with every next drink, his body progressively wobblier. 

“Maybe mind your business.” The boy snapped at his partner, bringing Zayn’s attention to the encounter. Niall still at the bar, waiting for the refills of their drink. And brunette shut up immediately; at peace with his inevitable fate of carrying his man back home. It seemed better than arguing.

“This will make you grumps feel better.” Niall laughed as he brought another round of booze to the booth. Louis downing the drink immediately, slamming the glass back onto the table, focusing his attention back on the TV.

_ What’s up with him?”  _ The phone vibrated in Harry’s hand, a text from Zayn interrupting his gameplay.

_ Don’t know. He’s mad about the game probably.”  _ Malik looked at Styles and shook his head, giving his best mate a meaningful stare. Brunette’s lips pressed together in an expression resembling a smile.

The phone laid flat on the table, the screen facing the ceiling as the conversation emerged after the game finished, the mood grim as the team everybody was rooting for lost the match. Niall and Louis deep into the conversation of what could’ve been done better. Zayn sat, grieving the outcome in silence as he scrolled through his phone, still somewhat attentive to the conversation, providing some insight from time to time.

But then Harry’s phone lit up, the light pulling Louis’ attention for a split second, his eyes back on Niall after he read Malik’s name on the display.

_ Home?”  _ The message read; the friend eager to get to his man for very needed distraction. 

Styles didn’t answer, he just shrugged knowing that Zayn looked at him. He’d rather stay for some more, his boyfriend not drunk enough for his liking. He’d prefer not to be left alone with Louis in his current, feisty state. Nothing good would’ve come out of that.

“Sorry.” Brunette excused himself, took their empty glasses to the bar to get refilled, brought them back but instead of sitting down, he headed to the bathroom. Locking himself in one of the stalls as he emptied his bladder. He heard the door opening and closing a few times before he chose to leave, not entirely looking forward to the sour atmosphere in the bar. 

Just as he was spreading soap suds on his hands, he heard a commotion behind the door; loud cheering hit his ears. Curious, Harry rinsed his palms quickly and left the bathroom to see the scene he’d never expect to witness. Right next to their booth was standing Jonah, his friends a few steps behind him. If that wasn’t unnerving enough, right in front of the man stood Louis, shouting inaudible insults at the man; his pose offensive, as if he was getting ready to throw a punch. He looked especially tiny next to the bulky blonde whose companions were just observing, looking amused, to say the least, finding something comedic in the encounter.

That’s not how Harry felt. He was terrified, his eyes shifted to the booth. Niall nowhere to be found, Zayn in a pose seemingly relaxed but his body indicated that he was ready to step in if it ever came down to it.

Styles struggled to get through the crowd that looked at the scene, interested in the outcome. Nothing got the bar going like a fight. 

When brunette finally got there, he stepped right in between both men. Looking at his partner, furious. Then, his eyes found their way to Jonah; it was only then when it got to the student that he was punched already, a thin string of blood flowing from his reddened nose as he rubbed the feature with his palm. 

Harry put his hand on the chest of a taller man, something in his eyes made the student think that he’d murder his boyfriend if he hasn’t intervened. Right around the same time, Niall also got back from the bathroom, standing a few steps back from the main event. Disoriented.

“Take him out.” Styles addressed his friends, who obeyed immediately as they dragged the ballsy little one out of the bar. Northern accent still prominent in the room as he spewed out every single insult he could think of at the blonde, who still had Harry’s hand between his pecks. Brunette pushing ever so slightly not to make him think he had other intentions than to only pacify the situation.

“Jonah, I’m so sorry. I have no idea what got into him.” Styles tried to explain his boyfriend's behaviour even if he had no idea what happened; a hysteric note in his voice as he was still unsure if the much bigger man wasn’t going to follow Louis outside. But then, he sighed and the hostility in his eyes disappeared. 

“No worries, glad that you’ve come out. Didn’t want to hurt the little guy.” A deep chuckle emerged from the blonde’s gut. “Keep an eye on that one, he’s scrappy.” Styles tried to force a smile on his lips but his efforts were ineffective 

“I’m sorry you guys, hope we didn’t ruin your evening.” Now, brunette addressed the whole group.

“You did when you came back.” The strangers chuckled as if it was the funniest thing that ever happened to them.

“See you… someday.” Brunette greeted his bar friend, swiped the empty glasses as the crowd booed him for stopping the escalating fight. Ignoring the sound, the man proceeded to return the glasses and paid the bills for both them and Jonah’s group, thinking that it was the least he could do to apologize. His wallet depleted from over a hundred quid when he left the building.

He strutted the pavement as he had to catch up with his friends who distanced Louis from the bar; still uncertain of what the attacked stranger could do. When he got to them, he hasn’t said a word. Neither did Zayn, he didn’t know what would be appropriate to say in the situation. Niall, on the other hand, complained that he missed everything, just as the rest of the clients, seeing a fight as a highlight of the evening. Not even willing to comprehend that nothing happened. And Louis… was still cursing as he stomped his feet on the way to Harry’s apartment. Harry never had a reason to feel embarrassed for his partner’s behaviour, well… until then.

“What happened?” Harry finally asked when he was left alone with Zayn outside of his building. Tomlinson already went upstairs, Horan headed home.

“I don’t know. He was on the edge the entire evening. Then that man followed you to the bathroom and he got so mad… Then they were leaving the place and as they passed us, he just snapped and sucker-punched the guy. You could see that he was trying to stay calm but then Louis started cursing him out and I thought we’re over. We had no chance with those fucking blokes.” Malik shook his head as he finished the story. “You should do something about him, Harry.” 

“What am I supposed to do? Any ideas?” Brunette asked, frustrated. He could use some suggestions. But his friend was out of those. “Thanks, man for… everything. And I’m sorry. Really fucking sorry.” Harry sighed and patted his mate’s shoulder.

“You’re not the one who should be apologizing. Goodnight man.” The shorter man got into the car that pulled up and left, leaving his friend on the curb; hesitant to if he was ready for the clash that was bound to happen upstairs.

Thankfully, when he finally got to the top of the stairs which he took to postpone his arrival, Harry heard snoring which made him sigh in relief as he found Louis sprawled on the bed, still in his clothes. His shoes thrown around the bedroom. There was nothing Louis ever did that made him so mad, for the first time ever he had the urge to call his boyfriend out on all of his bullshit. Everything, not only the fight.

But it was late and he was tired. That’s why he just swiped carefully one of the pillows from the bed, undressed and curled himself on the couch; his body covered with a blanket when his feet dangled from the furniture that was too short for him. Either way, Styles had no choice but to go to sleep…

~*~

Harry got back to his apartment later than usual, stopping on his way home pretty much everywhere; starting from the grocery store, ending on taking a detour to have a stroll around his neighbourhood. He had the early shift, Louis was still dead asleep when he woke up, that’s why he was so anxious about meeting him. If he was even going to be there.

But then, the dreaded moment finally came. Styles turned his key in the lock, announcing his arrival and slipped inside with a bag in his hand. He found his boyfriend in his usual spot. Looking as uninterested as ever, playing yet another game with online opponents that consisted mostly of kids. Whatever made him feel better about himself…

Brunette hasn’t said a word when he entered, leaving the groceries on the kitchen island as he went to take a quick shower, his after-work routine unchanged for the most part. Except for the kiss, he got used to greeting his boyfriend with, no kiss that day.

“What, you’re not talking to me anymore?” Louis scoffed as his boyfriend was unpacking the food he bought, putting it where it belonged. The boy still not taking his eyes off the game. His tone clearly indicating that he was searching for confrontation. Not something that Styles was looking forward to.

Instead, the student just dragged his easel to the bedroom, put on headphones; loud music pushing away his rushing thoughts when started painting… something. 

It got dark before Harry dared to leave the bedroom, his stomach demanding to be filled motivated the decision. He was standing by the microwave, heating yet more restaurant leftovers; his diet consisting mostly of the Italian dishes he made at work. He had the headphones on as he swayed his hips to the music blasting into his ears. 

Right by the end of his meal, the brunette felt his headphones being ripped off his head, landing on the wooden floor accompanied by his phone. The device being kicked away by Louis who stood above him.

“What is your problem?” Harry asked, confused as he studied the expression on his boyfriend’s face. He had that furious look from the night before.

“Are you fucking with me? Is this some kind of twisted punishment?” Lou scoffed; his hands crossed on his chest. 

“Would you be surprised if it was?” The taller one asked, still acting unphased by the whole situation as he approached the dishwasher and placed his empty plate on the rack.

“Why did you even have to get involved? Who asked you to?!” Tomlinson snapped yet again; his hands clenched in the fists he held down by his body.

“What? Was I supposed to let him kick your ass? Was that the conclusion of your elaborate plan to get killed?” Brunette sneered and passed by his boyfriend, not giving him a single look.

“Oh, sorry! I forgot I stood no chance with your new, buff boyfriend.” The boy hasn’t moved. “Is he better than me in everything? Does he fuck you better too?” 

“Stop embarrassing yourself Louis, you’re acting like a child.” Unbothered, Harry got back to the bedroom where he tried to work on his painting. Unsuccessfully since he was followed. “I wasn’t going to let Zayn get beaten because of your stupid ass. What do you have to prove?” The man added, still not taking his eyes off the paint he spread on the canvas before his dinner.

“If I’m so stupid why do you even put up with me? Why bother?” Something in the boy’s voice made his partner think that he was fishing for reaffirmation of his feelings. But the man was furious at that point. All of the frustrations coming from living with Louis have piled up, finally finding the outlet in the argument provoked by the guy himself.

“I don’t fucking know anymore!” Brunette shouted, his tone staying steady up until this point. “All I do is put up with your bullshit, withstand every single of your moods and all I get in return is being treated like shit. If that’s what this caricature of a relationship is supposed to look like than I don’t want it! Can’t you see what you do to me? Are you so fucking focused on the tip of your own nose that you don’t see that you’ve destroyed me? You’re not the only one in this thing. Maybe it’s time to grow up and make a decision Louis, you can’t keep me forever with your unreliable promises.” Styles felt the tears pooling around his eyeballs, his throat closed off as he struggled last words through. Louis looked flabbergasted with the confession. He’d never expect his boyfriend to attack him like that. 

“Then go if you’re so miserable!” The boy shouted back. “We’re in this together, I’m here for you.” He quoted Harry’s words, mocking tone in his voice. “Fuck you, Harry. You were never really here for me.” Louis’ head shook as he still clenched his fists, fighting every urge to relief the fury on his boyfriend’s face. “We should just end this here, why would I keep you in this nightmare any longer? You’re such a fucking pussy, fleeing as soon as things get rough.”

“It’s been nothing but rough this entire time Louis.” Brunette brought his attention to his boyfriend’s face. “We had maybe a month of good days, we’ve been doing this for what now? Nine months?”

“Then just call it off, what’s the point of struggling through it?” Styles felt his body tremble when he got ready to ask the only question he needed answered before he made the decision.

“Do you love me, Louis?” He asked in desperation. This was the only thing he wanted to know. “Are you ready to get your shit together and work on this? Go to therapy? Get help?” He proceeded to ask, each inquiry just as important in his decision making.

“No.” Tomlinson simply answered. Harry had no idea which question he was addressing. It didn’t matter. While he loved the guy to death, he had to put himself first. He would never be happy in a relationship like that. He realized the bitter truth quite a while prior. Empty promises that never actually carried any value were the only thing that stopped him from leaving.

“Then leave.” Styles spewed, biting down on his lip as he tried not to burst out crying. There was too much happening in his head. The volatile mixture of anger and the deepest sorrow he’s ever felt threatened to blow up. The action would only result in him taking everything he said back. But the thing was… he didn’t want to take anything back. He finally grew balls to lay his feelings out in the open in front of a man that made him both the happiest and the saddest he’s ever been.

Without thinking too much, he passed the boy who just stood there, disoriented as to what happened and stormed out of his apartment; leaving everything behind, crossing the bridge as it was burning, not seeing a way their relationship could possibly recover from what has been said that evening. 

His body was shaking as he took the route to the only place he could think of. His mind was rushing, reliving every single good memory associated with the boy that was still in his apartment; somehow, he fully ignored the abundance of the bad ones that caused him to make the decision to cut the ties before it was too late for them both. 

Harry fought every cell in his body that urged him to get back there and apologize, try to work things out. But he also knew that there was no fixing this. Not when Louis was rejecting every single person that tried to help him with his issues. This would only progress, making him bluer and bluer. Depressed, that was not the person Harry wanted to be. Restricted to the walls of his apartment, he didn’t want to live his life like that… at that particular point, he didn’t want to live it at all. Fully admitting that he didn’t know how to live without that boy anymore. 

The man finally burst when Zayn opened the door to his apartment. A surprised look on his face and the fact he was wearing his underwear only was a clear indicator that he caught him in the bad moment. But the look shifted into something that Harry has never seen before. While always very sympathetic, Zayn’s face was pretty much always blank. Not in that moment though, his expression concerned as he opened his arms to hold the man, the tears already slipping down his face.

Zayn knew what happened. He saw this coming for a long time. He also knew how it felt. To decide to put yourself before the person you loved to save yourself from becoming just as damaged as them. 

Harry laid on the couch, his head resting on his friend’s lap as he was comforted with gentle strokes on his back. Words would just make things worse. Both him and Malik knew that. He felt so stupid. His friend always telling him that it would end up like this, every single time being shut down by Styles who believed that Louis could change and they could get the happy ending. Apparently not.

A tall man came out of the bedroom and watched the scene with concern in his brown eyes, not seen by the brunette who closed his; comforting images of his past life lulling him to sleep, his body weary from everything that happened that day. 

“Is he ok?” The tall man mouthed, trying not to disturb the fragile moment. His boyfriend only shook his head and gave him a sombre look. The man slowly approached the couch, placed a tender kiss on his partner’s forehead. The officer cupped Zayn’s face and with the most loving gaze, silently declared his feelings before he left, leaving his man to be there for a friend who clearly needed him more at the moment…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... so that was a journey.  
>  Honestly, I was wondering if i should post a trigger warning before the chapter but I've decided against doing so because those summaries just spoil everything. If me not doing that offended anyone or made you uncomfortable in any way, I am really sorry and that was absolutely not my intention. If you feel like I should have issued a warning, please reach out to me on twitter or post a comment and I will do so.  
>  As always thank you for being here, all the love .xx


	15. Chapter 15

Harry got up from the couch in his friend’s apartment as the alarm Malik has set for him announced nine in the morning, his cue to get ready for work. His head was pounding as he recalled the events of the last night, not entirely sure as to what happened after he got to Zayn’s. Somehow, he ended up sleeping there.

Without any of his stuff, everything he could do was to get dressed in the same clothes he wore the day prior and head to the restaurant, opting for eating in there since he needed more time to get to the place. Malik was still dead asleep when the man left, storming down the stairs since he was rushing.

Every single brain cell focused on keeping the thought of Louis from fully flooding his mind as he walked down the street. The weather seemed to take notice of his heartbreak, the usual swelter replaced by the drizzle falling from the grey sky, providing a great background to everything that was going on in his life.

His ire had faded significantly while he slept, leaving him in the deepest pit of woe he had ever been in, not even comparable with anything he felt before. He was thankful for leaving his phone on the floor of his apartment. If that wasn’t the case, he’d already be sending a bunch of text in a desperate attempt to revoke everything that has been said the day prior. But that way, he had no way of contacting his… his who?

The absence of his mobile also meant that he was not able to suppress the thought of yesterday’s argument by blaring music into his ears. His mind fully occupied with the event as the non-existent dam collapsed, letting the thought of the boy spread all over, pushing the brunette deeper into his despair.

But he had to put on a brave face, at least for the sake of not looking like a psycho in front of the staff of the restaurant he worked in. That’s why he leapt his thoughts around the least significant topics as he did his job, the sheer joy he always got from cooking vanished, leaving the man working on an auto-pilot till his shift ended.

The way home was yet again, full of detours as Styles tried to delay the moment when he had to face a new reality as if postponing his arrival was going to help with anything. The thought of the boy he loved still looped in his mind, every single moment they have ever shared remembered so vividly by the man.

Harry roamed around the neighbourhood for solid two hours after his shift ended, not paying any attention to his legs, exhausted from the day; the pain not even remotely as nagging as the one he experienced on the emotional level.

But then it started raining again, the man got soaked before he found shelter in the building he lived in. Surprisingly, the feeling of misery that accompanied him the whole day became less and less prominent with every step that brought him closer to his pad.

Styles opened the door with a key that was left for him under the doormat; his heart filled with unfounded hope of finding Louis inside. Oh, how much Harry wanted to see that his partner hasn’t obeyed him yet again and stayed… But no, the place was dark and silent when he finally got the guts to enter.

The complete tranquillity of his apartment brought back everything he managed to repress. The situation became even more real when the man realized that Louis had already taken his belongings, leaving it feeling incredibly empty without his stuff and bubbly presence.

Without anything better to do, Styles poured himself a drink. Or a few drinks at once, filling the glass with whiskey as he sat down on the couch. His attention grabbed by the beeping device laying on the ground right in the spot where it was kicked the night prior.

Harry knew what would happen if he got to his phone, and he was not mistaken. As soon as a smiling face of Louis lit up on the screen the man’s heart broke into even more pieces, shattered at this point, stung like a bitch. There were seven texts and four calls ready to be answered. Neither from the person, he was looking forward for them to be from.

The distressed messages were all coming from Zayn. The friend trying to check up on his brunette throughout the day, ever since he woke up around noon. But Harry had no way of seeing that, his phone laying forgotten on the floor of his living room.

Not bothering even answering, brunette laid on the couch. He covered himself with a comforter and nuzzled his nose in between the crumpled fabric, savouring the familiar smell he associated with home, trying to remember the scent before it faded. The last of Louis he had left in the apartment…

~*~

“How are you hanging?” Zayn asked as he entered Harry’s apartment, letting himself in like it was his place. Styles hasn’t answered yet. It was very much visible how he “was hanging”. The flat still in the same state of messy Louis had left it in after he packed his stuff and walked away, not to return ever again. There was not much opportunity for the brunette to make a mess. The restaurant he’s been working in had some problems with plumbing and he was off work for at least a week as the management was sorting things out. That made things even worse for the man. He had plenty of time to overthink and dwell in his sadness, spending his entire days on the couch, distracting himself with alcohol and abundance of internet content revolving around true crime cases, trying to convince himself that there are people who have it worse than he has.

“Alive, so… bad.” Harry sighed and pulled himself up on the couch, his back aching from the nights he spent on it; the pain was barely noticeable in comparison with the psychological agony he’s been going through. He rarely left the sofa, every time he did he stumbled upon things that just reminded him of Louis and made everything worse. In an attempt to push the memories away, he went back to his old mobile; only when he changed back to the old-fashioned device he realized how fast he got accustomed to the iPhone he’s been gifted. But now, the lack of functionality of his phone had no importance, he had nobody to call either way. Only mom and Gemma, in front of whom he put on a brave face, not even telling the women that the most precious thing he ever had in his life has come to an end.

“It reeks of booze in here. Get up, we have to get this place cleaned.” Malik complained and approached the balcony window, pulling it open, letting the hot air do the job of getting rid of the smell. The cheerful chirping of birds sitting on the trees growing along the street even enhanced Styles’ grim mood. Not even the melody and the bright sunlight could cheer him up.

“Don’t worry about it. Do you want a drink?” Harry proposed as he approached the fridge and filled a third of a mug with vodka, topping it with lemonade. He was out of glasses which were now piled in the sink.

“No, and neither do you.” Malik took the violet cup and put it on the counter. “It’s noon.”

“Oh, is it?” The man chuckled and rubbed his neck. Then he fact-checked the time on his wristwatch and it proved to be noon indeed. “I just woke up.” He admitted, the rasp in his voice a clear indicator that it was the truth.

Zayn started roaming around the apartment, shoving trash into the bag he carried in his left hand, filling the thing almost immediately. Harry looked at him, his fingers clenched back on the mug, sipping the strong drink, not even flinching as he had time to get used to the burning in his throat.

While the shorter man was not the type that would even clean his own apartment too much, he could not let his friend live like that. He knew how much surroundings can affect a person’s mood and in this particular apartment, he could feel himself getting depressed. When he was more or less done with tidying the flat, two full bags of trash near the exit ready to be taken out, Zayn tried to take the bedding Harry has been sleeping with to the balcony to let it air out. Only then, he was faced with sudden hostility from his friend who insisted that it was not necessary, snatching the blanket from Malik’s hands and folding it neatly, leaving the pillow on the couch which clearly showed that the comforter was the subject of the dispute. The green-haired man let it go, it was not worth fighting about a piece of fabric.

“What are we eating?” The shorter one asked as he looped through the apartment, finishing his cleaning spree.

“I’m not hungry.” The brunette shrugged as he placed dirty dishes in the dishwasher, trying to at least seem functional in front of his friend who was so nice to him.

“But I am.” Zayn laughed and took his phone out, ordering the food to be delivered.

“We should get these out.” Zayn suggested after they ate, Harry was full after not even one wrap he was forced to eat; his stomach shrunk after days of barely eating anything. Brunette looked panicked at his friend, who clearly meant the pictures of Louis and him that were scattered around his place. The thought of taking them down terrifying him, as if having those in the apartment somehow made their separation any less real. But on the other hand, he knew that those little details associated with the boy were stopping his wounds from healing as he stumbled upon them. And that’s why he didn’t protest when his friend started putting the stuff into a box.

“This is everything.” Harry lied as he put a yellow toothbrush into the box containing numerous framed pictures, his “old” phone, the math textbooks that were left behind and Louis’ spare contacts paraphernalia. In the other box, they’ve put the gaming system that the boy left, few pieces of his clothing that were in the laundry when he collected his stuff and Tomlinson’s journal that was laying in the same spot for over two months, forgotten by the owner who didn’t feel like writing.

“What do you want me to do with these?” Malik asked looking unsure at the first box of stuff they decided not to return to Louis.

“I don’t know. Put it in the closet.” Harry instructed and pointed at the storage, built in the wall beside his door. The one where he stored things like his winter clothing or other stuff he didn’t reach for frequently. And that was the place where the box was put, hopefully, to be forgotten, but knowing himself as well as he did, Styles could tell that it was likely that the contents would be unpacked soon, especially considering the amount of free time he had on his involuntary vacation.

“I’ll drop this off when I leave, are you sure this is everything?” Zayn asked shaking the other box. To be completely honest, Harry would rather have Louis come to his apartment to retrieve it, but considering how addicted to his console the boy was and how much time has passed since their ways parted, brunette knew that it was unlikely that he’d come. So, keeping in mind how reliant Tomlinson was on the system to keep his spirits up, he decided not to hoard the thing anymore and give it back if it had any chance to even remotely better the mood of the boy Harry still cared so much about.

“Yeah, this is it.” The man answered, trying not to sound suspicious. “Don’t you have anything better to do than babysitting me? Aren’t you in a healthy relationship by any chance?” A grim laugh seeped through Harry’s parted lips, his body falling back on the couch; head thrown back as he stared at the ceiling.

“I have time for both, don’t you worry about that.” Zayn put the box down by the door and joined his friend on the sofa. His deep brown eyes focused on the TV, some wildlife documentary in the middle of a broadcast. “What now?” The shorter one asked; his mind absent of ideas as to what they could do.

“Well… I have mental breakdown scheduled in thirty minutes would you like to join?” Styles laughed at the joke his friend apparently didn’t find funny; his expression still as ever.

“We need to get you out of the house. When were you outside for the last time?” The green-haired one asked but never got an answer. Harry knew it was better to say nothing, rather than saying that it’s been almost a week since he left his flat. If he ever got out, he knew he would just end up circling his ex’s building yet again, as he did the day after they cut ties. “Go shower, we’re going out.” Zayn slapped the brunette’s thigh.

“Where?”

“Don’t know, on a walk, for all I care. The weather is great.” Styles knew he lost the battle. He just got up and went to take the very much needed shower. It was three days already since he bathed the last time, his hair greasy, practically asked to be washed.

“See? Wasn’t that bad.” Zayn chuckled as they got back from their stroll around the neighbourhood. Purposefully keeping to “Harry’s side” while they circled the streets, ending up in the grocery store by the end of their journey.

“Are you kidding me? It was hot, I’m sweaty and my legs hurt. A nightmare. I’d rather stay on the couch.” Styles complained as he watched his friend unpack the groceries, stocking up the kitchen so his friend has something to eat if he chooses to do that.

“Of course you would. I’ll drop by tomorrow so don’t get too crazy.” Malik warned his mate as he was leaving.

“When?”

“Who knows, I could visit any time.” The shorter one shrugged, a smug expression on his face. “You’re okay?” Harry nodded trying to get his friend out of his flat as soon as possible. “Call me if you need anything, alright?” Another nod. “See you man, hang in there.” Zayn patted his companions back and escaped with the box he had to deliver, leaving his friend alone. Feeling guilty for doing so but they’ve spent pretty much entire day together, there was not much more he could do.

“How are they?” Zayn’s partner asked as soon as he entered his apartment. His grim mood lightening up immediately as he saw that innocent face of his, those puppy eyes never failed to make everything feel alright.

“Not good. I only saw Louis for a moment, he seemed to be holding on better than Haz, but I wouldn’t put pretending past him. He always was the one to do that.” 

“Ah, that’s rough.” The taller man sighed. “You’ll be partying the day you dump me, won’t you?”

“Yeah.” Malik laughed and approached his partner, straddling his lap as the man leaned his back, pressing it into the pillows. “I don’t plan on doing that though. Do you?”

“Never.” The officer snickered and intertwined his fingers with Zayn’s; their eyes plastered to each other as they closed off the distance between their faces, blushed lips joined in a gentle kiss. “You’re such a good person baby.” The scrawny guy on top smiled into the kiss. “So considerate and empathetic. I love you.” The taller one praised the man while he squeezed his hand.

“Yeah, but don’t tell anyone.” Brunette chuckled as he clung to his partner’s chest, finding comfort in the tight embrace. Those touches enough to give him the spirit to live yet another day, splitting his share of strength between him and his best mate who needed that quite bad at the moment…

~*~

“Jonah asked about you yesterday.” Zayn announced just as he took the seat beside his friend, in his usual fashion arriving right before the lecture started.

“Where?” The taller one asked, his body sprawled on the chair as he sketched female silhouettes; something that he was not as good at as it turned out in one of his classes. Still decent, just not as good as in those of males, which was quite understandable considering… everything.

“In a bar, are you dumb?” The taller one sighed as he got pulled away from the concentration. “Saucy.” Malik chuckled seeing the naked bodies, covering a page of the sketchbook.

“Of course, he would do that.” Styles shook his head and proceeded to detail his sketch. “Why can’t he just let it go?” He continued complaining, his eyes still stuck to the paper.

“Hmm, let me think.” Zayn pretended to be wondering about the issue. “Maybe because you’ve fucked and you ghosted him? This guy was obsessed with you before you even talked, why would you think that was a good idea?” The friend kept scolding his mate. It didn’t matter that he already gave Harry a bunch of reprimands about that decision, starting from the day the man admitted to having sex with his drinking buddy.

“There wasn't very much thinking involved. I was drunk and lonely, don’t judge me.” Brunette used his usual explanation. That was the truth, the breakup shook him badly. Sometimes, when he felt particularly miserable and Zayn was not there to keep him company, he just headed to his usual bar and got drunk there to forget. Most of the time Jonah was there to partner his endeavours. He turned out to be a nice guy, their chemistry was undeniable. Harry wouldn’t rule out them becoming an item someday when thought about romantic relationships didn’t cause turning of his stomach. But the whole thing was ruined when Styles got a bit too drunk, which didn’t help the horniness that was building deep inside of him from the day he had sex for the last time, well over three months prior. The liquid courage only pushing him to act out on his lust, causing the whole random sexual encounter.

But the problem was that Jonah wasn’t willing to classify it as a one-time thing, treating the sudden occurrence caused by Harry’s raging hormones as a start of their relationship. Something that Styles never anticipated, nor agreed on. He just needed to get laid. It was on him for choosing the guy with an obvious crush on him, but no matter how many times he told the man that he’s not looking for anybody; the wound in his heart left by Louis still very much fresh, nowhere close to being healed; the man would just brush over his words and proceed with calling him names like “baby”, which in itself caused more and more pain, since the word so widely used as a nickname brought his mind to one place, only one person.

That’s why Harry fully stopped going to that place, thankful to the gods that they ended up in blonde’s apartment that night. If he’d known brunette’s address, he would never let him go like that. The fact that they’ve exchanged phone numbers was problematic enough. Styles endured random calls for some time before he decided to block both numbers from which his “friend” was trying to reach him. The harassing of Zayn only added to the rage that was building up in relation to that man. Maybe Louis wasn’t wrong about Jonah after all…

“And was it worth it?” Malik chuckled, knowing the answer already, well aware of how much Harry has struggled to get the stubborn man out of his life.

“Shut up.” The taller one hit his friend’s shoulder with a fist. How many times he had to say that this wasn’t “it”, for Zayn to give him a rest? Nothing was “it”, because “it” turned out not to come down to performance but the person. “Are you busy today?” The man asked, hoping he’d get a chance to hang out with his friend, maybe get high together. Weed was a big part of Harry’s recovery, as it did wonders when it came to providing a distraction.

“Well… yeah, kind of.” The friend admitted, looking at his phone, as he expected a message from his boyfriend, who had a habit of virtually keeping him company during his classes whenever he didn’t have anything better do to at work. This time nothing came forward, apparently meant that the officer was on a case.

“It’s fine, I’m just asking.” Harry lifted his hands, trying to somehow show that he’s okay with his friend spending time with his partner.

“Are you okay, I can cancel if…” Styles just shook his head frantically, his locks bouncing around his pale face.

“I’m fine, but consider me for a hangout next time, okay?” Zayn just chuckled and brought his attention to the professor who pretty much asked for it, raising his voice to stop their babbling.

“No cuddles?” A tall man asked Styles, who was now laying on his bed, sprawled naked on the mattress, the bedding kicked off not that long ago.

“Still no.” Harry chuckled, his smile reciprocated as he watched his “friend” get dressed. The clock indicated that it was almost two in the morning when men finished their date.

“Cool.” A man whose name was Thomas sorted his hair and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. “This was fun, see you sometime maybe?” He proposed as he was walked to the door by nude Harry, chilly air licking his feet, causing his nearly translucent skin to cover in goosebumps.

“Maybe.” Styles smiled and closed the door after the companion he met two hours prior. The ineffectiveness of his first one-night stand haunted him to this day. That’s how Harry learned to do those things. From time to time, he just met with people from a dating app he had installed on the smartphone he bought for himself; his first one still buried in the closet, too many memories associated with the thing as mundane as a phone. While his heart was strictly out of business, not foreshadowing a sudden change of things, brunette’s sex drive was way more prominent than it was before he got used to having sex as frequently as he had with Louis.

That’s why he resorted to hook-ups with strangers. Always keeping his intentions clear from the get-go, to avoid another Jonah kind of tragedy. Harry from a year before would probably be disgusted with the things current Harry did. But the difference was, that his past self was in love with the idea of finding this one true love; the present-day Styles fully admitted that he was stupid and true love was something fictional, everything came to an end eventually, leaving at least one of the sides hurt and unable to function properly.

While he was tired, Harry still found enough stamina in himself to take a quick shower, rinsing the remainder of a stranger with the soap suds, leaving him clean again. When he got out from the shower, he opened the windows in his bedroom, airing the lingering smell of sex from the place. He didn’t change his sheets immediately, like he used to do around two times a month, right after his random hook-ups; the awareness of a stranger sweating into them making him feel uneasy. He still had a somewhat ambiguous relationship with those one-night stands. While they were very helpful with taking the edge off when his hand just wasn’t enough, he always felt dirty after the encounter.

But this time he was too tired to be arsed with searching for his clean sheets. That’s why he ended up curled up on his couch, just a pillow under his head, as he clung to the blanket that for a change, hasn’t been washed even once in months. The faint smell of Louis still somewhat present in the material. The scent kept him awake, yet again reminiscing the months they’ve spent together. The happy moments, the bad ones, the sex that was so out of touch with one he was having now. No size or technique could stand up to the deep personal connection and the love, shared by two people who genuinely cared about each other, trying to please one another, instead of focusing on their own pleasure only. That’s why the hook-ups were never enough and Styles found himself yet again reaching for his cock, his mind unwillingly wandering to the territory Harry restricted in his day to day life, leaving the man exhausted both physically and mentally as he fell asleep right after the conclusion, carefully bursting his load on his belly, wiping it right away, preventing his seed from staining the blanket that he took very good care of, not sure if he could ever bring himself to wash it…

~*~

“It’s just that whatever I do, he somehow still lingers in the back of my head. However hard I’m trying, I keep going back, wondering how he is. Comparing Alex to him even though I know how much of an asshole move that is. Nobody is good enough.” Harry pushed a sigh out of his lungs as he observed a woman sitting across him, her expression as blank as ever despite the things the man was sharing with her.

“Do you ever try to find out how he is? Go on his social media or ask your mutual friends about him?” The grey-haired woman asked; a pencil stuck behind her ear as she focused on listening, that was her job at the end of the day.

“Would it be so bad if I told you that I've made a Facebook account, only to see how he’s doing? He never posts anything but I tried to check on him, I can’t say that I haven’t. Zayn and I sometimes go to the bar, where his roommate works. When I get really drunk I tend to ask questions. I’m trying not to but I can’t help myself.”

“This is not ideal, no.” The woman shook her head and pushed the bridge of her glasses up her nose. “Don’t you think it’s been long enough? Maybe it’s time to let Louis go. You’ll have to, eventually.”

“What do you think I’ve been trying to do? What if he’s just the one that got away and he’s always going to be in there, stuck?” Styles asked, nervously fidgeting with his ring finger. A gesture that he might have taken from his ex-boyfriend. The name of which still ringed in his ears, a whole segment of his wound opening when the one word he’s been desperately avoiding slipped from his therapist’s mouth.

“I think you’ll be just fine.” The woman reassured him and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall behind Harry. “Some people just need more time to heal, that’s it. Before we finish, why won’t you tell me about Alex? Any updates?” She shifted in her seat and flipped some pages, recalling everything she knew about the whole Alex situation.

“I haven’t seen him much this week so nothing changed.” Brunette shrugged. “They visited with Zayn on Friday, to keep me company but we just ended up getting drunk. He’s not as straightforward when we’re not alone.”

“Are you still on the same page when it comes to Alex?”

“Yes, still nowhere near ready to commit to anything. Not even sure if I want to. It’s not ‘it’, you know?”

“While I understand that you need more time, tailoring your standards to one, specific person doesn’t seem to be a good idea. You’ll never find what you’re looking for.” Harry’s listener furrowed her brows, clearly not liking the thing she’s been told during the session. Well… it wasn’t always going to be pretty. He was in therapy for a reason.

“I won’t take more of your time, see you next week Betty. It was nice seeing you.” Styles smiled and left the room, his efforts to get out of the conversation panned out, he was free at last.

Yet another therapy session had significantly brought his mood down. That was what happened when Harry thought about past too much, especially about one certain period, directly associated with the person he tried to desperately rid his mind of.

That person turned out to be right yet again, the conversations Harry had with his psychologist had not helped with anything so far, maybe just because the school therapist seemed to not be very passionate about her job. Or perhaps, that’s how every counsellor acts? The man had no idea, Betty was the only one he had the chance of meeting.

Instead of heading to his place, Harry waited for a bus that would take him to a different part of the city. His eyes focused on passing cars that kept him distracted, as he sat on the bench, the slight drizzle setting on his skin in a cold, thin layer of wetness.

_ “Do you want me to pick you up?”  _ Styles got a text from one of the subjects of his yet another overthinking sessions, that used to follow up a meeting with Betty every single week, thirteen of those weeks already.

_ “No, I’m on my way already.”  _ Styles lied as the thought of being stuck in traffic with Alex seemed like a torture.

Who was Alex? Alex was a man who started his MA studies in art management in October. Why was he significant in any way? He wasn’t, at first. But one day, Harry was napping in his usual spot, between the history books rack and Alex was the only person that has wandered in there, probably ever. He was searching for something chaotically, waking brunette up in the process. That’s how they met. Harry helped him find the book he was looking for, way more accustomed with the layout of the titles in this particular section than he’d like to admit he was. Solely because of the countless hours he spent staring at the exposed spines, as he tried to fall asleep.

That was their first encounter, right at the start of the school year. Simple small talk, nothing worth remembering. They haven’t talked after that for over two months, their next interaction on the faculty Christmas party, that Zayn had forced him to attend for whatever reason. Knowing the man, only to get him out of the flat. During the event Styles was targeted by Alex in his social mingling session, the man extremely outgoing; the complete opposite of brunette.

At first, it was Zayn who hit off with the man particularly well. That’s how Alex found himself in their friend group, very slim one considering that it’s been cut in half after one exceptionally bitter breakup in August. Niall still popped up to meet with the men from time to time, abandoning friends like that was not exactly in his nature. They would just get drunk, like they always used to, which only ever lead to Harry asking him about Louis, getting even more miserable in the process. That’s when Irish lad started distancing himself from Styles. As far as Harry knew, Zayn and Horan still sometimes met to hang out, without him though.

On one occasion, when Malik was out of town, unable to be there to comfort his distressed friend, he delegated his new mate, Alex to take the place. Not taking under consideration that Styles tended to be a messy drinker at that point of his life, sharing his life story with whoever was there to listen to it. That was what brought the men closer. Later it turned out that they had more things in common than they thought at first.

That’s how Harry got himself a new friend, he was kind of in need of those at the moment. But friend was the keyword which later proved to be problematic. Styles ending up in a less extreme Jonah kind of situation. Without the sleeping together part, he knew better than to make that mistake again. Mostly just shy attempts at flirting, which with every time they were shut down by brunette somehow got bolder. But only when they were alone, Zayn never present to witness the attempts.

The man kept insisting that those are just harmless jokes, and he’s ready to be stuck in the friend zone for however long it took for Harry to get ready to go on a date with him. But the problem was, that it has been over six months since his heart went out of business and he was nowhere close to the day he’d be ready to give love another chance. Arguably still stuck in the same spot where he found himself in August.

That’s why Styles got into a habit of getting late to the meetings Alex was also a part of. Of Zayn was already there when he arrived, there was no awkward flirting brunette had to endure and the evenings were pretty enjoyable.

“What took you so long?” Zayn asked as Harry sat down on a teal-coloured couch right beside him, fully ignoring the empty loveseat when he realized that his difficult friend was not in the room.

“Um, the traffic was bad.”

“There was no traffic, I drove here too, you dick.” Malik chuckled and fixed his blonde hair with parted fingers, a remainder of green still lingering in the tips. “How was the appointment?” Man’s tone grew more concerned. Out of their not that big group of mutual friends, Zayn was the only one aware of the fact that brunette was seeing a therapist. Always very cautious, since he knew how triggering those were for his friend. Very conveniently, always initiating a hang out with his guys on Thursdays, the day Harry had his appointments.

“Okay.” Styles answered, very much thankful for the effort his friend was putting in to keep his spirits up, his endeavours worked for however long their meetings lasted, everything coming right back when he was alone again.

Their conversation was cut short when the rest of their group entered the room. Two men and Luna, who somehow wiggled her way into the circle after her boyfriend joined, maybe two weeks after Alex. Companions carried bowls with an assortment of snacks, something in the shape of disappointment painted on Alex's face when he saw where Harry was sitting. His reaction very contrasting with the relief Styles felt when he first realized that there’s no space for anybody else next to him.

With the company being present, restricting any kind of heartfelt conversations the topic has shifted into a very mundane territory. Starting from school, as per usual, then skipping all over the place. Mostly entertainment; TV shows, movies or new music releases Harry was not familiar with, leaving him silent for the most part.

“You were so quiet today, are you okay?” Alex asked when despite all of his efforts, they still ended up alone in his new friend’s apartment. Everybody had bounced, as soon as he went to the bathroom. Not Zayn though, he left earlier to meet his partner. Malik would never leave him exposed to another uncomfortable situation but as it turned out, this was not the case with his other pals, not that he could ever blame them since they were most likely not even aware of the awkwardness Harry felt around Alex.

This was the worst thing. He genuinely liked that guy, apart from his inability to comprehend, that Styles was not interested in any romantic endeavours at the moment, not only his. The number of sexual innuendos he managed to wove into the conversation, absolutely not affecting his reluctancy towards romance.

“I’m fine, just tired, I guess. Been working on a painting for like five hours today.” Harry pressed his lips together forming something resembling a smile.

“And you still came. You’ve missed me that much?” The tipsy man started subtly for his standards. Brunette fought the urge to roll his eyes at the embarrassing line.

“Sure, why not.” He snickered and downed the rest of his drink.

“I’d like to see that painting. I’m sure it’s beautiful.” The man complimented, his dirty blonde fringe fallen on his face that somehow, despite it being February remained tanned. “I’ll get you another one.” The boy proposed, his hazel eyes sparkling brighter since they were alone.

“Thanks, I think I’ve had enough. I better head home. I have an early class tomorrow.” Harry slipped his phone out of his pocket and quickly ordered himself an Uber, Alex carefully watching his every move, making it impossible to hide that there was still a bit of time till the driver was to arrive.

“How about that painting though? Tomorrow at your place?” The shorter man eager to set the date.

“It’s actually at school. I was painting between the classes. In the storage.” Styles admitted, successfully chilling his friend’s enthusiasm with the revelation. “But you’re welcome to drop by during any of the breaks. I might use some insight, there’s still something weird about it.” Harry shrugged and looked at his phone to check the hour. Still, at least four minutes before he could go out without raising suspicion.

“Sure, the lunch break? We’ll eat together and then go?” The blonde proposed, finally pushing the fringe back, exposing his sun-kissed face.

“Lunch’s good.” Brunette nodded and approached the door, putting hands into the sleeves of his coat.

“It’s a date then. Have a good night Harry, are you sure you don’t want to crash?” The older man proposed yet again, like he always used to after they hung out at his place. Coincidentally enough, never giving the same option to any of their friends.

“No, I’m fine. Goodnight Alex.” He smiled as he left the apartment, storming down the stairs, immediately getting into the car that was already waiting for him.

Harry politely apologized for being late, the driver reassuring him that he just pulled up and it was not the problem. Then he just gave the address and they left in the direction of his neighbourhood. A grim mood taking over Styles’ thoughts instantly when there was nobody to distract him. The driver completely quiet, only the barely audible radio breaking the silence that got particularly heavy that night.

The most efficient way to get to his building lead through a street Harry has been purposefully avoiding for months. Unwillingly, the man found himself looking right into the window, which he knew was Louis’ as they passed, deep down hoping that he’d see something. Not this time though, complete darkness, only street lights bouncing off the dark slate.

He was oblivious as to why he still did that. Had he saw anything, it would only make him lose his shit yet again. Just as this one time, when he actually saw something, a dark silhouette he couldn’t have mistaken with anybody else leaning out of the window, gusts of white smoke getting blown away by the wind as he smoked in the apartment, something that he remembered the boy doing only on rare occasion. The event conveniently colliding with even more unusual one, Harry finding himself passing the street, coming back from the bar that came to take the title of his new spot after the whole Jonah debacle.

This was one of three times he saw Louis after they broke up. Every single one of the sightings followed by full-on mental breakdown, doesn’t matter how much time has passed. The decision about moving in so close to his partner backfired on him really bad, Styles just waited not that patiently for his lease to expire so he could get the hell out of there and leave his flat without a threat of falling apart upon seeing his ex.

The first time he stumbled upon Tomlinson was when he walked from the bus stop after he hung out with Zayn and his boyfriend at his friend’s place. Mentally, he was in a fairly good spot, even though it was only around the time the school started. His mood was alright, at least considering the state he was in for the most part back then. Initially, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him but the characteristic jacket his ex bought, when they were still together proved him wrong. It was him, indeed. Buying a flower bouquet in a florist’s across the street from Styles who managed to slip past him, unnoticed; his eyes plastered to the back of the boy he still had so many feelings for. The encounter shook Harry so hard, he burst into tears as soon as the elevator door closed behind him, luckily nobody was there to watch him humiliate himself yet again because of a guy that didn’t care about him anymore, if he ever truly did.

The second time was in November. The dark silhouette he saw in the window had put him out of business for three days straight, seventy-two hours he spent on the couch, laying just as he did right after the breakup. He pretended to be sick, conveniently Zayn was in Bradford when it happened. Harry didn’t have any other people who would be willing to check in on him back then, so he just ended up dwelling in the pit of sorrow, clinging to Louis’ blanket, scrolling through texts and pictures that were still stored in the phone which usual resting place was in a box at the bottom of the closet.

It was the most recent encounter that had the biggest impact on Styles. For three reasons. First as simple as the fact, that for the first time, he had a chance to glance at that beautiful face of Louis’. The second reason was the fact how completely unphased the boy seemed to be when they’ve passed each other on the street, his eyes focused on the space right before him when Harry registered every feature of his face, which started slowly fading in his memory. Blue eyes duller than he remembered them to be, running away from his as soon as he was caught looking. No expression whatsoever, just as if he was passing a random person, not a man he went through so much with. The ringing of his laughter, emerging just as he disappeared from Harry’s peripheral vision, the sound almost made brunette physically sick, his stomach twisted in a knot, his legs struggling to support his weight.

The last reason proved to be a likely answer to a question Harry has been asking himself since he saw his ex in October. A petite girl with strawberry blonde hair and a Starbucks cup in her small hand was wrapped around his right arm as they walked the pavement, enjoying their evidently pleasurable chat since both were smiling right before Louis had noticed his old friend, the grin vanishing when spotted brunette. Harry just assumed that she was the one for whom the boy was buying flowers. His shattered heart had fractured into even more pieces when he saw the scene. The sheer betrayal he felt when he realized that this was who Louis had chosen to be broke him. The tears flowing into his eyes when he saw how comfortable the boy was publicly holding a hand that was not his.

This was the day Harry for the first time called his best friend for help. His body shaking as he wept into the phone, begging Zayn to come and see him before he’d do something to himself. The first time in a while when the man thought about dying because it seemed better than whatever he was going through, not able to function properly without the boy that seemed to have moved on so soon. Harry’s wounds still just as prominent, as the day his whole world fell apart. That’s why Styles could not bring himself to remove Alex from his life. The man dropped everything he’s been doing and came to the rescue when he got a call from Zayn. The selflessness that shone so bright when he drove to Harry’s apartment even though they weren’t close at all, just to bring him comfort, proved the brunette that behind those bold attempts at seducing him, there was still something worthwhile about that man. He knew it was not fair to lead him on, promising god knows what to keep him on the side if he ever decided to venture into the romance again, but he did none of those things and Alex still was trying to prove he’s worth the risk, his efforts having an opposite effect on his chances of ever sparking any kind of feeling in Harry’s heart.

Malik asked his older sister to give him a ride to the city as he kept comforting his friend over the phone, making sure he doesn’t do anything stupid before Alex could get to him. He felt guilty for invading his best friend’s privacy and giving his new mate the necessary details. He tried to contact his partner at first, thinking that his man’s calming presence and mediating skills would be perfect in the situation, but then he remembered that Liam was in court, testifying in some domestic abuse case he worked on quite some time before. Alex was the next best choice, Styles didn’t have many friends at all, not to mention ones who would go to such extent to help him out. He later came to regret the decision of asking the older guy but there was nothing he could do at this point.

Harry’s mood was bound to be miserable. Had he seen the silhouette in the window, he’d be yet again crying about the boy he had no right to call his anymore, his ex has moved on with someone else. But now that he saw nothing, he was disappointed with the outcome, the likely answer who Louis was out with too painful to even acknowledge it. Perhaps he needed something that would trigger the breakdown that was sneaking up on him for some time already.

He finally got to his apartment, once beloved place that he grew to dread the most. Depressing space, ever more lonesome after the one-night stands ceased after he realized that they brought nothing but new doses of self-loathing. He was better off alone; he had to get used to the feeling. The thought of ever settling down with somebody and not living by himself seemed like the most unrealistic thing he could think of.

Instead of pulling out the stashed box yet again, the man decided to retrieve almost equally cursed journal that laid deep in the desk drawer, unbothered for three weeks already. Harry’s fingers brushed ever so slightly over the surface covered with Louis’ handwriting. Then, he moved on to a clean page, carefully selecting the thoughts he wanted to share with his ‘friend’, saving the space for only the deepest of reflections, the threat of running out of pages always in the back of his head.


	16. Chapter 16

“I should just scrap this one, shouldn’t I?” Harry asked looking at the canvas placed on his easel that somehow ended up in the middle of the living room, restricting access for anybody who wanted to get to the bedroom or balcony. Him included, the man barely regaining balance after he tripped on it more than once.

“I think it’s dope but if you don’t feel it then maybe just give it a rest. How long have you been working on it? You’d have the whole collection done by now if it wasn’t for that one.” The man sitting on the couch shrugged as he sipped the apple juice he’s been served by his friend. “How much time do you have left? How many pieces you’ve done?” Zayn inquired, relaxed as ever when his friend started going crazy because of this one, particular painting that he never seemed to be satisfied with. It’s been months since he started that damn artwork, it never seemed right.

Harry knew the reason why the painting never was good enough but he refused to tell his friend, he’d just make him toss it, just like everything that was even remotely associated with Louis. He even managed to get rid of the blanket that was a permanent addition to Styles’ couch for so long. One day, when he woke up from the drunken slumber the piece of fabric was nowhere to be found. Brunette went ballistic when he learned that it was Zayn who took it when he dropped Harry off after he got a tad too drunk.

Everything was gone. The box finally taken away too, the only things left were the journal and the small cactus gifted by Louis. This was only because Malik had no idea that those are gifts from him. If he knew, he’d get rid of both instantly. Well… the numerous pieces of art Harry had done while in relationship, most related to the boy were still left, including the one fixed on the easel. The one started back in August, the night they broke up.

“I didn’t get a deadline. I don’t think I even want to do that anymore. Not without that one.” Brunette sighed as he fell on the couch beside his friend, turning the easel to the wall since even looking at the painted canvas made him feel uneasy.

“You’re joking, right? This is a huge opportunity for us, Harry. I won’t let you skip on this.” The blonde was stubborn, however much times Styles mentioned not wanting to follow through with the thing, he snapped at him, bringing him back to earth right away.

The thing being a series of exhibitions for the best students that were graduating that year. Each professor that handled practical classes had to choose one person that would be given a space in an Art Gallery. A huge deal for Zayn who got a chance to do that too, his works were finished and selected three months in advance.

It was different in Harry’s case. Still focused on his sorrow, he could not think about the exhibition. His reluctance to pick up ten canvases he wanted to show people only made him think that maybe he didn’t deserve the chance and there were probably people who should get it instead of him.

The most important part of his show was still in the making and the time was running out. His professor getting less patient with every passing day she didn’t get to see the things Harry selected. As everything in his life, the story he wanted to tell with his art was a tale of Louis. Styles had this big plan of the event being the closure he needed desperately, but there was not going to be a show without the main attraction, the canvas still unfinished even though it has been on and off the easel for ten months already.

“Why won’t you ever let me do what I want to do?” Harry sighed, a smirk on his lips as he knew damn well that he was lucky to have somebody like Zayn. The man kept pushing him into things because, at the time, he knew better than Styles what’s the best for him.

“You’d die without me, you’re glad that I’m here to get your annoying ass out of the bed.” Malik laughed even though they both knew this was not exactly a joke. There was a high probability that Styles wouldn’t have made it through this hard time in his life without his best friend who was always there for him.

~*~

“Maybe we’ll eat out after we’re done?” Louis proposed as he slipped out of the driver’s seat, he circled his car and opened the passenger’s door so the small blonde could get out as well.

“I’ve already started the dinner. We can eat out next time, okay?” Nellie asked as they climbed the steep stairs, their fingers intertwined when they stood outside the building, soaking the sun that pleasantly warmed their pale faces, the summer not particularly warm that year.

“It’s okay, next week is fine.” Tomlinson chuckled and looked around to see the people whom he saw frequently, at least once a week. Even the most devoted members of their church decided to get outside and enjoy the weather while it lasted. “Everyone is looking at you, did I tell you that you look very pretty in this dress?” He complimented and separated their linked hands when the time has come for the service to start.

“They better be, I’ve spent so much time sewing it.” The girl’s porcelain face flushed pink as she smirked and fully focused on the mass; as if she didn’t know the script by heart.

That was the way Louis spent his Sunday mornings now. Did he suddenly get blessed with the grace of lord and converted into a devoted catholic? Not exactly. His girlfriend turned out to be raised very religious and as soon as they became somewhat serious, she started dragging him to those things. He didn’t mind that much, he could sacrifice two hours of his life if it makes her happy.

“We’re going to get home soon, I’ll try to keep this brief, I’m sorry.” The blonde explained as they entered something in the shape of a conference room where the ‘church moms’ were meeting after the service to discuss the recent events organised by them. That particular week it was a fair that doubled as a fundraiser for one of the families from their parish whose house burned down.

Louis obviously was not a part of it, Nellie on the other hand very dedicated to the cause. That’s why they were spending two hours at church instead of one for three weeks now. Knowing that he has some time to spare, Tomlinson sat down in the area where husbands usually socialized and grabbed himself an issue of a local newspaper to look like he’s busy. He wasn’t really great when it came to socializing with men who were spending time there.

He flipped through the pages, his eyes mostly occupied by ads and irrelevant news from the past week. But then he found something that interested him very much so. An article seemed tailored to him so much, that a shiver travelled through his spine, but that might’ve been as well the blow of chilly air that slipped through the window and licked his neck. Either way, Louis started reading carefully, thanking the lucky stars that he finally found something since otherwise, he’d have to entertain those middle-aged men with conversation.

It was a report from an exhibition that happened in a local art gallery. Louis wasn’t especially interested in art himself, it was the person whose works were shown that struck his attention. A very familiar name, Zayn Malik, caught his attention instantly. Something warm spread throughout his body, maybe pride. Regardless of his past with Zayn’s friend, whose name he still had a hard time even bringing up in his memory; he still had nothing but sympathy for that guy, one of the hardest things that came out from the breakup was the separation from a friend that he hasn’t seen in months. The last time when he came to drop the remainder of Louis’ things off.

After he read through the article, he slid his eyes down to the pictures. He was curious to what his friend decided to show people, he was always a fan of Zayn’s art. Something extremely fascinating in the way he pushed the boundaries, creating some truly unorthodox pieces. But after five pictures of paintings, the time has come for an image of a proud creator. The one Louis regretted that he set his eyes upon. He should’ve predicted that he was going to regret his curiosity. The picture of his old, close friend accompanied by his close circle brought Lou’s mood down quite a few notches. Zayn was the absolute centre of attention, his extremely attractive physique enhanced by the aggressive pink tone of his hair, made it hard to take the eyes of the man. But when the Lou finally did that, there was only one person who pulled his attention immediately. A piercing feeling somewhere in Louis’ gut returned when he saw a smiling face of a man he’s learned to despise so much.

The man slapped the paper closed, returning it to the table and got up from his seat, leaving three men who sat there behind.

“I’ll be outside, don’t hurry. I’ll take a walk.” Louis forced a smile and two minutes later he was on the pavement with earphones stuck in their rightful place, aggressive rock music contrasting with the slow tempo he walked in, appreciating the views of a summery scenery as he tried to push away the melancholic mood he found himself in.

It was quite some time since Tomlinson thought about his first boyfriend. Must’ve been at least two months since he got into one of those weird monologues he used to have so frequently after he’s been broken up with. Desperately trying to convince himself that he hates every aspect of that man. Harry sometimes returned in the most unforeseen ways. Like a smell that brought back a memory associated with the guy, or something as ridiculous as a colour.

But that was his old life, now Louis was a whole another person. The most ordinary man you could ever meet. A dream come true for the boy he was only a year prior. The thing he has going on with Nellie was something he never expected to happen. It was right around the time the things ended with Harry that the girl had noticed Louis’ miserable mood, asking him out to get a drink, relax since she has been going through something too. That’s when they started talking about serious stuff, their acquaintance quite rapidly transforming into a friendship. One that was very much needed, considering that the boy was somewhat forced to cut ties with one man he got along so well with. Even though Zayn has reassured him the day they met for the last time that he’s still there if Louis needs him, staying involved with Malik seemed inappropriate, he had no right to make the man pick sides.

His roommate still was a very good friend of his, an unexpectedly concerned one, when he learned from either Zayn or Harry about the breakup, since Tomlinson himself never actually told him. His life a bit of a blur since he practically shut down after the incident. But with Niall there was never really talking about serious stuff, he was not a great listener, and that’s what Lou needed at the time. Louis’ family was a big factor in his recovery, even though not everybody knew what was going on. Only his mom and the oldest sister aware of the relationship he had been in. Well… at least in the beginning.

Then the moment the man dreaded the most came. Him being exposed to all of his family because of his own stupidity. Something as mundane as a screensaver on his laptop, which he forgot to change after Harry and him separated ended up being his coming out. Just as they were all getting ready to watch a movie together during the holidays, every member of his immediate family sat down on the couch when a very unambiguous picture of two men, taken by the lakeside was blasted on the big flatscreen. Every single pair of eyes glued to him right after. The state of sheer panic he found himself in made him speechless. That’s how he came out to his family… as bisexual. This didn’t sound in his head nearly as bad as gay.

Turned out that most of his family already had their suspicions that were somewhat confirmed. Only mom and Lottie were surprised with the revelation, the bi part in particular. The reaction was so mellow in comparison to what he’s been expecting. Starting with the fact that he was never going to come out. It would be unnecessary since he never intended to get involved with a man again. But even with him finally being out, something deep inside of his head still blocked him from living his truth. Not that much later Nellie became something more than a friend, at least that’s what she saw it as.

Louis felt like the biggest asshole yet again, the extreme self-loathing he felt whenever he got into a relationship with a woman clearly indicated that his psyche was not agreeing with the choice he made. But it was easier that way. He was still nowhere near healed when they kicked things off. That’s where his acting skills came useful. He always had a great talent for pretending that everything’s okay. But he really liked the girl which made it even harder on him, when he thought that he was never going to be able to give her the love she wanted from him.

The religious background the girl was raised in only made pretending easier to Louis. The girl had her mind set on waiting till the marriage to lose her virginity. That fact just made the man wonder how did he get so lucky, the heavens truly blessed his path to salvation. Louis figured that if things went according to plan, he might learn to love the girl before they get married. The sex couldn’t be that much different, right?

By the fourth lap around the neighbourhood, Nellie emerged from the staircase, her blue dress ruffled by the wind joined by her shoulder-length hair. After they got to the parking, she waited for Louis to open the door for her before she got into the car, the man taking the dreaded driver’s seat right after. The vehicle driving off in the direction of the girl’s apartment right away…

~*~

“Fuck, that’s amazing.” Zayn complimented as he glanced around the room. “I don’t know what it is but it just hits different when it’s displayed properly, you know?”

“Yeah, it’s unreal.” Harry chuckled as he admired his own art on the display, after a lot of struggle even the main piece hung on a wall of the small gallery he had all to himself for two weeks. The most tremendous moment for him as an artist. If anybody was going to show up, obviously. His stomach was tied into a knot as he anticipated the opening night that was about to start shortly.

“Fuck I’m scared. I’m gonna puke.” The man sighed as he sipped the chilled champagne he got offered to calm his nerves a bit. The attempt unsuccessful.

“Breathe, everything’s going to be cool. You’ll see in just a few minutes.” Malik tried to soothe his friend in a stressful moment, the man himself the only one who could relate to Styles. He was in the same situation just two weeks prior.

“How did you do it? How the fuck was you so calm through the whole thing?”

“I was high as fuck.” The pink-haired man laughed. “I can get you stoned if you want to.”

“What Liam has to say about this little past-time of yours?”

“He chooses to turn the blind eye on the issue… How’s Alex?” Zayn decided to ask a question only to keep the conversation going. The truth was that the initial magic of their friend has faded already, joined with the shorter one’s interest in the guy.

“He’s somewhere in Italy, I think. Thank god.” Styles sighed thinking about the subject of their conversation. “He still calls me from a phone booth sometimes, but it’s better than him physically being here.”

“Could you remind me why are we still talking to him?” Malik rolled his eyes as he finished his drink.

“Wouldn’t it be rude to ditch him after everything he’s done for me?”

“Well… that sounds like your problem. He’s done nothing for me.” Zayn laughed at his own joke. “But for real, I think you’ve paid him back by tolerating his annoying ass for as long as you did… You should find yourself a man before he’s back from his backpacking trip. Or make up one, for all I care. You know that he won’t shut up about that trip when he’s back.” The shorter man gave Harry a fearful look, maybe he wasn’t wrong. Maybe it was a time to actually move on and look for somebody new. Harry was desperate to get Alex out of his life.

“I’m not much of an art kind of guy but I like those Harry, you’re talented.” Styles heard from a visitor he hasn’t really expected to see during the opening night of his exhibition. There he was, dressed in one of his suits, a blonde man that with his muscly physique stood out from the crowd.

“Thank you, Jonah. That’s nice of you to come here today.” Brunette smiled and searched around the room for Zayn, who would help him to get out of the trouble. The last thing he wanted, was to spend this very important evening glued to his persistent admirer who apparently couldn’t take a note.

“Jonah! Didn’t expect to see you here!” A sigh escaped Styles’ mouth as he heard the familiar voice behind his back. Malik already shaking hands with the blonde when Harry shifted his attention. “I’m so sorry but I’m afraid I will have to steal him from you. There’s this one guy who asked about you. I think he’s interested in buying some pieces.” The pink-haired man used his most charming persona, one that he barely even reached for.

“Sure, business is business. I’ll stick around a bit. Maybe we could grab a drink when you’re over?”

Zayn didn’t give Harry a moment to respond. Thankfully, this would be tough to get out of.

“He’s stubborn, there’s no denying that.” The shorter man sighed as he still dragged his friend somewhere, two of them dodging people when they distanced themselves from the harasser.

“Thank you for saving me.” Harry chuckled and closed one of the buttons of his shirt as it came undone when they struggled to get through people gathered in a building. “Who knew that you’re such a good liar.”

“I wasn’t lying.” Zayn scoffed and put his most charming face back on as they approached a man, who looked like he was in his mid-thirties. A fitted suit with a bold tie indicating that he means business. “This is Robert, he wanted to meet the talent. This is the talent, also known as Harry.” Malik introduced the men and slipped out from the circle to let them chat.

“Harry, nice to meet you, Robert.” The men exchanged a handshake, something about the man’s whole demeanour intimidated Styles just a bit.

“It’s mutual.” Rob became quiet for a bit, his eyes stuck to the canvas in front of them. The happy part of the exhibition. “What’s the inspiration? No, let me guess. Is it a girl?” The man looked pretty confident in his guess, a smug smirk bent his thin lips.

“Something like that, yeah.” Harry admitted, his plan to get cryptic with the focus of his exhibition had been exposed quite quickly actually. Zayn has caught up on Styles’ actions immediately, making him drop the secrecy. He tried to convince the brunette not to make the most important event in his life about Louis, but his mind was already made. The official title of the exhibition ended up being ‘closure’.

“Closure, huh?” The man asked. He was maybe two inches taller than the artist, towering above him just a little bit.

“Hopefully. What brings you here?” The shorter one asked and crossed his arms on his chest, both men still focused on the painting. Bright yellow colour bounced off the canvas onto their faces.

“I’m a frequent guest in here. Whenever there’s some young prodigy showing his stuff, I’m there. I like your vibe, Harry. The way you operate the brush gives me something Monet-ish. It’s bold, it’s now or never. Are you willing to part with some of your works? For the right price obviously.” The taller man asked and grazed his buzzcut with his right hand, making Harry think that he only got rid of his hair recently.

“Sure, I can’t keep them all either way.” Styles shrugged and looked around at his paintings. It would be hard to let go of any of the paintings he’s done. Some more than the other. Every single piece had an important memory associated with it. But wasn’t that the part of closure? He had to let those moments go, he had to let Louis leave his mind just as he left his life short to a year prior.

“Can we talk about the numbers over a drink when it’s over? It’s on me.” The man proposed and brunette felt extremely professional at the moment. It was going to be his first serious transaction; if the man actually followed through. They’ve sold a few paintings before with Louis, online to get some money to contribute to Jay’s fundraiser, but the amount they sold them for wasn’t really that great. It barely covered the cost of materials, not to mention countless hours Harry spent making them. But between throwing them out and selling, the latter option seemed better.

“Sure, I’ll find you when the party’s over. Sorry, I have to abandon you, it’s kind of required of me to mingle.” Harry smiled apologetically and drifted off into the crowd, initiating small talk with people that came to see his works. Around half of them consisted of professors from the college Styles just graduated from, the other half was some random art lovers. From students to more serious connoisseurs, interested in a young talent. Some of them were also present at Zayn’s opening night.

Harry’s family insisted on coming to the opening night, but brunette strongly advised against it. After Zayn’s exhibition, he predicted that his first evening would be busy and the last thing he wanted to have his mother and sister in Manchester and not being able to spend time with them.

“So, which ones?” Harry asked when he sat on a barstool, no tables available, due to the crowd that occupied bars especially heavily on Fridays. Ten in the evening snook up on him when his new acquaintance drove him to the nearby establishment.

“Straight to the case, I like it.” The man chuckled and ordered a drink for Harry and a glass of Coke for himself since he was driving. “I really loved the one we were looking at when we talked. Something so… vibrant and positive about the piece. I would love to have it in my collection. It would fit just perfectly in my living room.” The man kept talking as he, yet again stroked his almost jet-black hair.

“This one I can let go, I don’t have much space to store them, to be completely honest.” Styles admitted and took a sip of his gin and tonic, the bitterness of the drink made him flinch just a bit.

“What do you think about nine hundred? I can offer you two thousand for both I want.” The artist nearly choked as he tried to figure out if he heard the numbers correctly. It didn’t seem like it. He could not believe that any of those paintings were that good. Not a thousand quid good.

“What is the second one?” Harry asked trying very hard not to seem excited about the possibility of selling his art for such high of a price.

“This one.” The man pulled out his phone and showed his companion a picture. It turned out to be exactly the piece he was scared he’d see. The dreaded canvas that spent the majority of the year on the easel, painting so close to his heart even though it brought only negative memories. One memory to be exact.

“Ah.” The shorter one sighed and twisted on his stool, downing the rest of the drink in one go. “Not gonna lie, this one would be a hard one to get rid of.”

“Don’t think about it as getting rid of it. I assure you that where it lands, it will get love and attention it deserves. It would be a shame if it wasted away stuck in some storage unit.” Rob persisted and slid his card over to Harry, who grabbed it between his fingers. “Think about it and let me know, I’ll be waiting for your call. Do you need a ride?” Styles shook his head and the man paid for their drinks, leaving Harry at the bar as he headed back to his car…

~*~

“Do you have any plans for the evening? We could go out and see that new Ryan Gosling movie.” A high-pitched voice pulled Louis from his thoughts; a phone clenched in his small hands. “Can we do that tomorrow? I kind of made some plans with a friend already. We might hit a pub or two, get some beers in me, you know?” The man recited an excuse he had ready in case that exact thing happened. He had plans but they didn’t involve any friend. Ones he’d rather keep to himself since they only made him seem pathetic.

“Sure, no worries. Who are you going out with though?” Nellie asked as she lifted her head from above the sewing machine, the rhythmical noise produced by the device stopped when she took her small foot off the pedal.

“Danny, I’ve met him last time I was out with guys. You don’t know him yet.” Tomlinson lied, at first his mind gravitated towards Niall, but involving him in this seemed quite risky. Not to mention, putting him in a position where he’d have to lie for Lou, especially when his friend was too embarrassed to give him a proper reason as to why he needed an alibi.

“When are you going to be back?” Another question that Lou had a ready answer for.

“I might crash at mine actually, it’s just closer to the bar and I intend to get pretty smashed. Maybe I’ll get back but that’s unlikely. I have a key, don’t wait for me.”

Louis walked around the block, thinking whether he should follow through with his plan or not. He didn’t have much time, there was maybe half an hour before the opportunity would be gone forever.

But he was terrified. Not exactly of getting caught, the chance of that extremely small on the last hour of the last night. He was more scared about the reaction he’s going to have to the art he was going to indulge in, from reasons far different than his appreciation of culture.

It was now or never, by the third loop Tomlinson finally got the guts and climbed the four steps that lead to the gallery. Three deep breaths and he followed the arrows which indicated the direction he was supposed to take to get to the exhibition.

There were two more people besides him, his prediction about it being empty pretty much turned out to be on point. The middle-aged pair was still enough to get him distracted. The first thing that hit him was a sound. Styles being his sentimental self has put the jazz record they’ve listened to through so much of milestones of their relationship on a loop. The melody he grew to hate so much made him very nostalgic for some reason.

Quite a few paintings turned out to be ones he was familiar with, painted right before his eyes in some cases. Up until the one that made his stomach turn, the canvas, covered with thick layers of navy blue, grey and black paint. It looked different from the last time Louis has seen the piece but still unmistakable with the one Harry started on the exact night they broke up.

He didn’t know why he came there, didn’t know what he expected to get out of the trip, other than the pain that surely has struck him now when he followed the path to the ‘closure’, the last painting of the exhibition. Something quite different after a whole bunch of dark, depressing canvases. Still far from the bright, colourful ones hanging by the start of the journey, but still something hopeful in the way brighter hues were seeping from behind those dark, heavy ones.

Regardless of the things that occurred between him and the author in the past, he still was proud of the man. This was quite a big deal for a newbie artist, his own exhibition in a pretty popular place for people who knew a thing or two about art. Not only those who ventured into the place from sheer curiosity, like he did.

The heavy feeling in Louis’ gut has returned, yet again after a quite lengthy absence. It was close to ten in the evening, the final hour of Harry’s show was coming to an end when the boy had left the building, hoping that just as for his ex, this could be a closure for him.

Tomlinson shoved the earbuds deep into his ear canals and returned to the playlist he’s been listening to before. One of those upbeat tracks that always got him going. The vibe of the music flooding his ears very much contrasting with his mood.

Louis sat in a booth of the first pub his feet took him to. He wasn’t aware that he was searching for one until he found it. His eyes plastered to the bottle clenched in his right hand. Now he was certain that he was going to need something stronger than that to get through the night.

But then, an unexpected glass found its way right next to Louis’ hand, another one right opposite of him as a silhouette slid into the other seat of a booth. Tomlinson’s breath catching in his throat as he saw the man he saw in person for the last time around Christmas. His whole body reacted to the presence, making him feel like he was falling from a cliff before he composed himself and brought his eyes to the gleaming green ones opposite of him. Looking into each other with something mysterious.

“So, now you’re stalking me?” Louis brought himself to start the conversation since Harry wouldn’t; his lips pressed to the glass as he sipped his chilled booze.

“Are we skipping over the fact that I literally just saw you in the gallery? Oh, Louis! What a coincidence!” A wide grin brightened the face so familiar, yet different as he pretended to be surprised. The boy’s blood rushed just a bit when he heard his name fall from the plump lips he once couldn’t get enough of.

“You don’t have to be an asshole about it. Sorry, I thought you wouldn’t be there. I don’t know why I came.” Tomlinson blushed and switched his beer for something stronger, contained in a glass he was gifted.

“Don’t be sorry, it was there for people to see.” Brunette shrugged and pushed some unruly strands of hair, tucking them behind his ear. “Did you like them?”

“No.” Louis shook his head, something about the way he denied reminded Styles of their last conversation. “I liked the paintings, they’re beautiful. But closure?”

“Some people don’t cope as well as you did, Louis. I needed to do this one last thing before I put us behind.” Harry started circling around his ring finger, a smirk crept on Lou’s lips when he noticed. “Look how well I’m doing, actually talking to you. I didn’t think it would ever be possible.”

“You seem very dramatic for a person who ended everything.” The boy noticed, his bitter tone surprising even him.

“You still don’t get it, do you?” Styles chuckled deeply as he shook his head, a grim expression on his face when he tried to find the best words. “The fact that I was the one who asked you to leave doesn’t mean that it was only your heart that got broken. You have no idea how hard it was to put myself first. We were going nowhere, Louis. Regressing even. You have no right to say that it didn’t affect me.” Harry’s jaw started trembling ever so slightly as he pushed away from the breakdown that was bound to return later.

“We were working on it, you gave up so easily.” The shorter one shook his head as he finished his drink. His companion ordering refills with the gesture of a hand immediately.

“Did I? I know you don’t owe me nothing, but I just want you to answer me honestly…” The older one started, still playing with his fingers. His little game completely negating this unbothered act he was pulling. “If it continued, would you be out by the end of the year like you’ve promised?”

“No.” The boy shook his head as he admitted the truth. Only then did it occur to him that maybe the whole breakup wasn’t exactly Harry’s fault. That was what he always thought, making it easier for him to cope. His boyfriend got bored of him, just like that. But the thing was that this whole realization only made his feelings more complicated as if that was even possible.

“Here’s to Louis. Congratulations on actually achieving your biggest goal. For whatever it’s worth, I’m happy for you.” Harry said bitterly after a moment of silence. A fresh drink in his hand as he made this weird speech in honour of a guy who looked at him, confused. “You’re normal. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? The most average Joe out there.” The man raised his glass and took a sip of his cold drink. Louis followed but he hasn’t said a word. Is this what he always wanted? Whatever the fuck he had with Nellie?

“Does she know?” Styles proceeded interrogation after he accepted that Louis was not going to answer this little toast of his. “About me?”

“No.” The boy shook his head and felt the sudden rush of guilt he felt whenever he thought of how unfair he was using his girlfriend to prove a point to himself.

“How does that even work? You just get up in the morning and decide that you want to be straight from now on? Or is this just a bunch of bullshit? Why didn’t you do this before if it was so easy?” Brunette continued asking questions, for which his companion had no answer. “Do you love her?” Harry asked the question he wanted to ask from the moment he learned about his ex’s new girlfriend. “What’s her name?” An insignificant one to take the load of the previous question.

“Nellie, and I do love her.” The taller man nearly gasped at the sound of the name. He was surprised that he never connected the dots before, now that he heard the familiar name, everything made so much sense.

“But do you really love her?” Styles insisted. “Do you love her like you loved me when you told me that you want to grow old with me? Or was that just a bunch of meaningless lies? Does she love you like I did? Would she die for you? Because you know I would.” The man was going too far, unable to stop. He just ended up spewing out everything that has been going on deep inside of his head for the last… however long.

“What are you trying to do? Prove how much happier I was with you? What difference does it even make? You’ve left, you didn’t want me. She did.” Louis snapped and got off the seat, leaving his unfinished drink and the man who, for some reason decided to mentally torment him in front of everybody unwinding in the pub. He felt the tears rushing into his eyes, that’s why, instead of heading straight out, he chose to go to the bathroom to compose himself.

Tomlinson stood in front of a mirror, gathering the moisture that seeped from his eyes with a paper towel, regretting every decision he’s made in correlation with that damned exhibition. He should’ve never come there. He should’ve let Harry be the thing of the past. Let his mind hate him for something that he was not entirely guilty of.

And there he was, crying like a fucking fag he was in front of a mirror in a bar, ashamed of the state he was in because of a guy who should have no effect on him, especially not one that strong.


	17. Chapter 17

“It’s taken.” Louis growled when somebody struggled to enter the stall he ducked in before he was caught crying. Thankfully, he held the handle closed since the lock was busted. Louis let go when the pulling stopped, right at that moment the door opened, concerned Harry slipping into the stall.

“What do you want? Make me cry? Good job, you’ve done it. Now you can fuck the right off.” The smaller one cried out, trying to hide his face from the man who wouldn’t leave him alone. Why would he do that? Was this who Harry was now? An asshole?

“I’m sorry. I really am.” His hand found its way to the wet cheek of a boy standing mere inches away. Grazing the velvet skin with the top of his flattened palm. “I’m just… I’m frustrated. I’ve been thinking a lot, asking questions I didn’t know answers for and maybe I’m just a little bitter that you’re happier now, with her…” Harry swallowed, the imaginary object blocked his throat ever since he saw Louis shut off right before his eyes.

“You can’t do that. You can’t just come into my life after a fucking year and say those things as if nothing happened. You’re not allowed to do that. I have a life now, maybe it’s time for you to get one too.” Tomlinson argued but at the same time, he did not oppose Styles’ hands cupping his face. Before he could say no, a gentle, yet very much needy kiss was laid on his trembling lips. Then it was over. A series of pecks, progressively hungrier exchanged between two men in a stall of a filthy pub, guilty tears mixing with their saliva, giving the kiss an unusual taste. Nothing mattered, not the place they were in, not Nellie, not the year that went by.

“Hell of a closure.” Louis scoffed; his body pinned to a wall in a place he never expected to return to. There was nothing going on inside of his mind at the moment. Only his legs, wrapped around Harry’s waist as he was pressed into the flat surface, his lips sore from the kisses that were stolen to keep for later, the intrusive tongue swivelling around his own in the way it never did before. Starving for the attention of one particular person only.

Harry shushed him as he squeezed his palms on the beloved thighs, bringing the man to the bed, their chests pressed together as they couldn’t get enough of each other’s lips. The importance of breathing pushed to the realm of secondary matters; their hands wandering over each other’s bodies, the temperature of each spiked with the excitement.

“Fuck.” Styles cursed as the swollen lips sucked in a fragment of the skin on his neck, Louis straddling the man how he always used to. The lips retraced the path they haven’t wandered in almost a year, giving it the usual shape of dark red bruises, proudly exposed on man’s pale skin. The skin which scent had already evaporated from Tomlinson’s memory, giving it twice the usual kick now, the fragrance prominent as ever, intoxicating blend making Lou’s head spin.

“Fuuck.” The taller one moaned as his tip slipped past the heated lips. There was something about those lips that made them so superior to any of ones that had ever wrapped around his cock. The struggle to keep his body at bay took every single unit of energy left in Harry’s body. His first instinct to come immediately, overwhelmed after the lack of action he’s been getting lately, the intensity of the feeling even further exaggerated by the awareness of whom those skilled eager belonged to.

But he persisted, pushed through the arousal, trying to take as much as possible from the experience. From the tongue winding around his shaft just the way he liked it, just as if it was tailored specifically for him; that’s because it was. Harry’s cock the only one Louis ever knew, the one on which he learned all his tricks; his catalogue of things that made brunette squeal still far from forgotten. Louis’ head bobbed up and down the painful boner, lewd smacking noises the only thing disturbing the silence of the night.

“You smell so good.” Louis praised as his tongue wandered further back, brushing against Harry’s tight rim as the man took over jerking off his own cock, his partner focused on getting him ready. If they were already doing something bad, they might as well go all the way.

“You do It so well…” Styles complimented feeling the intrusive fingers reaching deep inside of him, massaging at his tight muscles as he pulled on his erection. The activity so much more arousing with Louis’s tongue circling around his fingers, prodding his prostate. “Fuck.” The man moaned and threw his legs even wider, the fingers not nearly enough.

Louis returned to his partner’s throbbing cock just as it was let go of in a desperate attempt to push back an orgasm. The boy still drilling into his lover’s hole as the shaft disappeared in his mouth, provoking the man to spill into Tomlinson’s mouth. The muscles loosening even further as he came.

“Please.” Brunette pleaded when Louis returned to his lips, still palming his semi-hard length that slowly got ready for the next round.

Harry reached to his bedside drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube joined by a condom, which they never really used before. The smaller one didn’t seem to care that much, his clothes immediately landing on the floor as he slipped the latex barrier onto his throbbing cock, slathering it with the translucent gel right after, the remnant left on his fingers brushed against Styles’ rim.

Louis hovered above his partner’s body; supported by an arm resting next to the man’s head and aligned his tip with his lover’s opening. Pushing himself inside, giving them both a moment to get accustomed with the feeling all over again. But then, Harry’s expression permitted him to proceed. And so, he did. He thrust his hips deep into the territory he once was so familiar with. Something in a shape of fear clouding his scattered thoughts as he gave himself to the pleasure, his eyes focused on the ones right below him. Quiet moans seeping from the parted lips of a man Louis thrust into. The sounds getting lost into the shorter man’s mouth as he linked their lips in a passionate kiss, feeling the climax approaching embarrassingly quickly. It was way too long since he felt like this.

Tomlinson kept rolling his hips, heated kisses exchanged between the partners as they engaged in the most intimate of activities. The blood was rushing through his body in record speed. Their dewy bodies glistening in the moonlight as the boy started jerking the heavy erection that raised back, resting on Harry’s belly, the length twitching between his fingers. Just a few quick thrusts and Louis has released his load into the condom when he observed hot come lazily sliding down his hand.

“I’ve almost forgotten how beautiful you are.” Harry admired, his lips riddling Louis’ thighs as he grazed them with his fingertips only. “So pretty.” The man complimented as they were laying, exhausted, one of his hands trying to force another round on his partner’s semi-hard cock.

“I need a moment.” Tomlinson sighed when he felt his lover’s nose digging into his groin, savouring the cherished scent of the boy, his legs thrown open, fully surrendering to his touch.

“Don’t worry. We have all the time in the world. Who needs sleep either way?” Both men chuckled and the older one returned to admiring the base of his partner’s legs, the delicate hair tickling his upper lip as he placed small kisses on the pasty skin.”

“Is this the closure you were hoping for?” Louis asked, a smug smirk on his face when he was still focused on regaining full control over his body, his breath shaky after the activity he didn’t know he missed so much. Or he knew, he just desperately tried to convince himself that he didn’t.

“I was delusional thinking that I could ever forget you." Styles sighed thinking that this was everything he always wanted. Louis was back, for however long he chose to stay it was the best thing that happened to brunette in a year...

~*~

“I see this closure shit really worked, huh?” Zayn chuckled nodding at Harry’s exposed neck. “Why do you always date fucking cannibals tho?” The shorter man shook his head; brunette’s fingertips gravitated towards his jaw, following the dark red path, grazing the marked skin ever so slightly. A slight smirk on his lips as he remembered the events of the closing night of his exhibition, his artistic accomplishment definitely not a reason why that particular night was so important.

“That’s my luck, I guess.” Styles shrugged and kept his eyes on the TV.

“Is that mister businessman? I knew he wanted more than the paintings from you!” Malik interrogated but his mate didn’t respond. While he didn’t want to lie to his friend, saying the truth was not even an option. He promised that he’d never tell. “Fuck you and that secrecy. I guess I deserved that though.” The man returned his eyes to the TV, the wildlife documentary not enough to keep his attention for a long while. “I’m bored. Do you want to go out? For a drink or… five?” He proposed.

“I kind of have plans for later.” Harry admitted and started fidgeting with his fingers, eyes plastered to his hands as he circled his ring finger. “Sorry, next time?”

“Say no more.” Zayn smirked and got up from his seat. “But we’re going out sometime next week.” He warned his friend and left the apartment before Styles could even answer.

Without his friend, who kind of forced him to act normally he became giddy yet again, pacing his flat in anticipation of a visit he wasn’t even sure was going to happen. He sure hoped it will.

To pass the time he decided to hop into the shower, rinsing his body off the grime collected during an intensive workday in the restaurant. He stood in the shower and lathered his damp hair with shampoo, dunking his head under the cold water, letting it cascade over his back, bringing the relief from the scorching heat of the evening. It was almost ten when Zayn left, the sky close to being pitch black when the man got out from the shower. He let the moisture evaporate from his body when he dried his hair with a towel, brushing it away from his face as he looked at himself in a mirror.

Harry couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the lengthy path splitting his torso in two, stopping right where his underwear would start. He missed the sight of those marks his man loved to leave on his skin, except it was not his man anymore. Just one that liked to pop up into his flat from time to time, relieve himself and go back to his normal, ordinary life. Styles knew that there was going to be a time he’d have to pay for those visits but strong willpower was something he never possessed. Especially when Louis was involved. 

The man rubbed the wrists he spritzed with cologne behind his ears, distributing the scent evenly on his pulse points. His face slathered with moisturizer right after.

Harry debated whether he should dress up or not, considering that the last visit was quite brief, both sets of clothes on the floor before they even got to the bed. That’s why he opted for a pair of linen shorts with a vintage t-shirt he got from the thrift store.

Just as he was putting the pizza he made in the oven, he heard quiet knocking on his door, heart skipping a beat as his prediction of a visit turned out to be correct. It was the third of those late meetings the men had. After the first one, the closing night; Harry thought it was the one-time thing, the closure of sorts. But then, a week later Louis came back, apparently, it was going to be a frequent occurrence and the man couldn’t be happier. To his own surprise, he didn’t even feel guilty for the girl his lover was cheating on. This was none of his concern, Tomlinson seemed to think it was worth it.

“Hi.” Louis pressed his lips together in an expression resembling a smile. “Can I come in?” He asked, his face almost as flushed as a week ago. Without even a word, Harry stepped to the side and let him in, locking the door after he entered. “Are you busy? I don’t want to bother you… you look nice, are you leaving?” The boy couldn’t stop talking, his eyes bouncing from one thing to another as he just couldn’t bring himself to look into those green eyes of Harry’s.

“I hope I’m not leaving, no. I was just making dinner. I hope you’re hungry.” Styles chuckled at the borderline embarrassment painted on the shorter one’s face. He thought he was clear enough last week about his stance on those visits. “Sit down, pizza will be done in around fifteen minutes.”

“Oh, I can’t say no to pizza. I’m not a monster.” The boy relaxed and sat on the couch, putting the TV on. Harry liked how after the initial shyness, Louis seemed very comfortable in the flat. Like he never left.

Styles dragged his feet to the kitchen and poured the margaritas he made after work into two glasses, bringing them to the table.

“How was your day? What did you do?” Brunette sat sideways; his eyes stuck to the face of a man whose attention shifted from the TV to his companion.

“It was… boring.” The boy shrugged and took a sip of his drink. “I went to church.”

“Is this where people can find you nowadays? Church?” Harry scoffed, the chilled drink bringing him a great relief during what it felt like the hottest day of the year.

“What a good church boy I am, huh?” Tomlinson chuckled as well. His hand travelling towards Styles’ thigh, which he grazed with his palm. Something in a shape of electric load rushing through their bodies, when his fingertips slipped off the material, grazing the bare skin just a little. “Hope the lord and saviour doesn’t get to see through the ceiling.” The small hand slipped under loose material and travelled higher, much to Louis’ surprise not finding any kind of barrier between his fingers and the man’s length, resting lazily on his thigh. “Excuse me? You’re going commando?” Louis snickered, a smug smirk on the taller one’s lips as he felt curious fingers on his privates.

“Figured there was no point in getting too dressed.” Harry shrugged and brought himself closer to his partner, kissing the lips he missed so much since the last time he got the taste.

“So, you’ve been expecting me?” The boy nibbled on the taller one’s bottom lip, smiling when he realized that he was not the only one anticipating the evening.

“Yeah, I hoped I’d get to see you today.” The man murmured, his hands wandering over Louis’ sides as he pulled his lover into yet another kiss. “Should I reserve the Sunday nights for this?”

“A way better tradition than the church.” Tomlinson chuckled as he palmed brunette under his shorts. A sudden violent gurgle emerging from Harry’s stomach loosened the heated atmosphere. “You’re hungry, aren’t you?” The boy slipped his hand from under the material and sat back on the couch, distancing himself from the man.

“Starving.” Harry agreed and knelt by the couch, blindly fiddling around to find the button of Louis’ denim shorts, their lips linked in a passionate kiss.

“I already forgot how annoying you get.” The shorter one sighed; his clothes landing on the floor, his legs thrown open, resting on brunette’s shoulders.

“Yummy.” The kneeling one licked his lips to annoy the younger guy, very much successfully. The irritation vaporized immediately when the boy felt a wet tongue on his length. The blood started rushing through Louis’ vessels, getting trapped in one particular place. Throbbing erection ready to receive all the attention Styles had to offer. The man not wasting a second, his big palm wrapped around the cock as he pushed the head past his lips, the familiar taste, so unique to Louis invaded his mouth, making him crave even more, pushing him deeper, his tongue swivelling around the circumference.

“Ohmyfuckinggod.” Tomlinson exhaled, his head thrown back as he thrust deeper into Harry’s throat. The feeling far superior to what he remembered. Or maybe it was actually better... The man only chuckled, his throat pleasantly vibrating as he sucked Louis off.

Styles felt a palm resting on the back of his head, holding it down as he pushed the length deep into his throat, the silence broken only by the aggressive beeping of the oven announcing that the dinner is ready. Neither of men interested in stopping right now, they had better things to do.

“Harry…” The boy moaned, barely vocalizing the warning as if it was needed. Styles knew his body too well to dismiss the twitching of his cock buried in his throat. He backed off, his hand returning from where it wandered before, tightly gripping the base of Lou’s dick as he fondled the smaller one’s tip with his restless tongue, the slit tickled just before a particularly hefty load gushed on the wide tongue, slipping down Harry’s irritated throat as he placed small kisses along his partner’s groin. A thin layer of dew beaded on thin skin intensifying Lou’s own, personal fragrance. One that brunette has been starving for, given that it was the first time he got to wander in those regions since they broke up.

“How about that pizza?” Styles asked as he brought himself up on the couch, pressing a small kiss onto Louis’ dewy neck before he got off to finally cut the annoying alarm…

“Do you think we could ever be back to being just friends?” Louis asked when he finally could breathe again, his index finger slipping up and down the tanned skin of Harry’s arm.

“No.” The man answered truthfully. “Were we ever just friends?” Harry tried to reach for the hand tracing the path along his side but his lover dodged his fingers, flattening his palm on his pale belly.

“Oh, right.”

“Do you have to go?” The taller man asked, trying not to give away how much he wanted the boy to stay. The sky becoming progressively bluer, the sunrise approaching as they laid sprawled on the bed, their bodies still calming down from the marathon they’ve put each other through. Trying to get enough to last them a whole week of separation. “I could make us pancakes in the morning.” Styles tried to bargain with the boy, not even thinking about how pathetic he had to sound.

“I can’t stay, no.” Tomlinson shook his head, his wet hair still stuck to his forehead; body heated even with the fan Harry had pointed at them, the slight breeze not doing much for either.

Could he stay? Yes, once again he told Nellie that he’d be staying in his own place. But doing that would be admitting that this whole thing was so much beyond just sex. Harry was obvious with his feelings, spilling everything during their first night back together. Promising that it doesn’t have to be anything more than Louis wants it to be. Just sex, the chemistry between both of them undeniable. Just two guys helping each other take the edge off.

That’s why he had to leave. Fast, before he loses the battle between his head and his heart. Hopping off the bed on his stiff legs, reaching for the t-shirt laying at the foot of the bed.

“Am I going to see you next week?” Styles asked as he followed the guy to the door, trying to remember as much of his features as possible. Louis just nodded and slipped out of the apartment, leaving his lover lonely in his apartment. The solitude even more apparent after he got the taste of the good thing. But this was what friends with benefits did, they left. No strings attached, right?

~*~

“How much longer?” Zayn asked as the men sat in the booth. Just them this time, their pack scattered across Europe on their vacation trips. The man still interrogated his friend about the deep red bruises that kept on appearing on his neck.

“Let me think… six months maybe, seven.” Harry chuckled and wrapped his lips around the rim of the bottle, taking a sip of a bitter liquid. “It’s nothing. A guy I met on Tinder. Just sex, nothing more.” He lied, he was concerned just a little bit about his friend’s connotations with the police. He didn’t think that Zayn would ever as far as to spy on him, not entirely sure how willing Liam would be to do that sort of thing for his partner, but he’d rather just make it seem like nothing. Which it was actually, at least for one half of the arrangement.

“So, fucking random dudes is the closure you’ve anticipated? What do you expect to get out of that? Gonorrhoea? Because that’s what you’re going to get.” Malik complained about his friend’s supposed way of living. Harry was confused. First, the man tells him how he should go out more, have some sex to make him forget and then critiques him about doing exactly what he said?

“Let me be loose for a while, I don’t need a relationship right now.”

“Fine, maybe it’s for the better. Dealing with relationship Harry was a nightmare.” The shorter one kept complaining, his eyes shifting to the TV screen as he kept up with the score of some insignificant game. “Just be careful, I hope you know what you’re doing. We don’t want another Jonah type of situation.”

“I always am careful.” Both men chuckled knowing that this was actually true or at least was some time ago. The dynamic in their friendship shifted a bit after Zayn got into the relationship. The mature boyfriend grounded him, calmed down, domesticized. “I think I’ve used up my share of stalkers for the lifetime.”

“What are we going to do about Alex? I’m a peaceful man but his face becomes more and more punchable right before my eyes. I’m sorry I’ve brought this curse upon us.” Malik sighed and took a sip of his usual beverage, a big ice cube clinking in a glass of whiskey. “Can you imagine all of those stories from his backpacking trip he’ll have to share with us? All of those pictures taken on his analogue camera? I’m so excited!” The man kept mocking their mutual acquaintance. “It’s so liberating! Leaving your phone at home and hitchhiking! What’s more freeing than exposing yourself to getting murdered by some psycho, Harry? It doesn’t get better than this!”

“Fuck, you know that I will be the first one he comes to with all of this bullshit.” Brunette shook his head and finished his beer, the bottle left abandoned on the table as he ordered another drink for both of them, the pub close to being empty on a Wednesday night.

“Why can’t you just tell him that he’s not in your type or something?”

“You think I didn’t? I really do attract psychos, don’t I?” Both men chuckled, Harry’s mind wandering to the past when he and Louis would argue which one was the bigger weirdo. It always ended up being him, apparently, psychos gravitated towards other psychos.

“Get a restraining order for all I care.” Malik rolled his eyes as he played with the ice cube melting in his empty glass. Their drinks still not ready despite the lack of clients.

“And you happen to know a person who’d help me with getting one, right?”

“Hell yeah, I do.” Zayn smiled at the bartender who finally brought their refills. “No, but for real, we need to cut this guy off. If he doesn’t get murdered before he returns… which wouldn’t be the worst thing.” The air got caught in Styles’ throat in reaction to the joke his friend made. He really underestimated the hatred his mate felt towards Alex. Harry himself quite a few notches down the intensity, far from a point of wished the man to die.

Brunette found himself in his apartment, alone by ten-thirty in the evening. From the man who loved to be alone, the most extreme case of an introvert, he transformed into a person who just couldn’t stand solitude. Doing everything in his power to seem less lonely. The TV spewing out nonsense pretty much the entire time he was alone. Anything to keep his mind off the fact that there was nobody in his life to keep him company when Zayn was busy. He knew he couldn’t demand the constant attention from a friend that unlike him, had a regular life. A job and a boyfriend to come back to.

Just as Harry was about to lay for the night, the eight hours very much needed before the early shift in the restaurant, he heard knocking on the door, unexpected to say the least. He prepared apology in his head as he approached the door, slipping his naked body into a robe, thinking that it was a neighbour with a complaint about his TV being too loud, yet again. It wasn’t even that late, the zeal of a person trying so hard to make him dread living in the apartment annoying him just a touch.

His lease had expired just a week after he graduated, but then Harry decided to renew it as he intended to continue his education. One family not enough to make him leave the place, it was way too big of a deal to skip on because of some people whose main problem seemed to be Styles’ sexual orientation which was not exactly a mystery to the anyone at this point.

But the irritation has evaporated in a split second, the beloved face smiling at him shyly as he opened the door.

“Um, am I confused? I thought it was Wednesday?” Brunette smiled, uncertain to what prompted the unannounced shift in their schedule. Louis dismissed his question and got into the apartment.

“Shut up, I don’t have too much time.” The boy sighed as he clung to the lips of a man who stumbled just a bit, startled with the unforeseen eagerness; his bottom pressed to a table, lips parted granting the access to the man who stole quick but passionate kisses from him, his hands slipping under his lover’s work t-shirt, sliding it off his body when their lips parted for a brief moment.

“Thank god Zayn is such an old grump now, few minutes and you would’ve missed me.” Harry snickered, his companion preoccupied with untying the knot holding the robe closed. His trembling fingers struggling until the other man got involved, untying the thing for the smaller guy.

“The lord seems to be on our side then.” The boy’s body trembled as he laughed at his own joke, his wandering hands trying to remember as much of brunette’s exposed silhouette as if he could grab a handful and keep for later. “I’m sorry I’m rushing. I will make it up to you.” Tomlinson promised and without a warning, Harry switched their positions, fumbling with the button of the shorter one’s pants as he let the loose material drop to the floor, joined with his red boxer briefs.

Louis’ hands clutched the edge of the table as his lover knelt in front of him, not wasting a single second before his head started bobbing, his plump lips hugging his engorged cock tightly. A series of small breaths emerged from Louis’ gut as he tried to postpone his orgasm just a little to enjoy the moment for a bit longer, even though he didn’t have too much time to spare. His delay in getting to Nellie’s probably enough to get her worried. But when Lou considered the pros and cons of his evening escapade it was worth the risk. 

“Oh, fuck.” Tomlinson cursed as he felt his body react to the tongue brushing against his head, a warm viscous substance shot out from the slit on the broad tongue of a man who swallowed with utmost pleasure.

“You’re getting naughty, aren’t you?” Styles chuckled as he helped his partner work the button of his pants. Shaky fingers of a boy not doing the best of a job. Harry dipped his head down and placed a gentle kiss on the lips which tried to pull him deeper, but he had to be reasonable for them both. The kisses Louis craved would leave apparent bruises on his lips, far from something any woman would want to see her boyfriend come back home with. “Such a naughty little boy.” Brunette nibbled on the tip of his companion’s nose and fixed his hair so they looked presentable. “You’re ready. Thank you for that little visit. Very appreciated.” The man smirked, his heavy erection apparent as ever, peeking from behind the flaps of the dark robe.

“I’m sorry, I will make it up to you. Thank you.” Tomlinson said between the goodbye kisses he placed on the man’s lips as he slipped out of his apartment, rushing down the hallway to get to his girlfriend’s apartment without raising suspicion.

Harry still smiled as he locked the door for the night. Anticipated fight with a neighbour turned out to be something so much more pleasant. The little visit has rid his body of the sleep that was slowly taking over before. Now fully erect, Styles tugged on his length as he brought back the memories from just a few minutes before. Coming all over his hand before he could finally fall asleep, Louis yet again the only thing that wandered his thoughts…

~*~

“Were you in the middle of something?” Malik asked, suspicious as he got settled on the couch, his friend running to the kitchen and stirring contents of a pot to seem busy.

“Um, no. Not really.” Brunette lied. His mind rushing trying to think of a way he could get rid of his friend, the unexpected visit the last thing he needed at the moment. “Did Alex get to you? He’s back, you know?”

“No, haven’t heard from him, thankfully. Maybe he’ll just focus on getting into your pants. Not gonna miss that guy a single bit.” Styles sat next to his friend, bringing two glasses of cold water to the table, downing his one in one go; his breath still just a bit shaky from the activity he engaged in before he was disturbed.

“Why are you so out of breath? Is there somebody in your bedroom?” Zayn inquired, an untrusting look on his face as he glanced at the door. The only thing easing his suspicion was the fact that the bedroom was not fully closed. Harry not doing his job properly when he rushed to the door.

“Um, no. I was exercising.” The man shook his head as he kept lying, knowing damn well how ridiculous he sounds sitting on a couch in a robe covering his naked body, doing a really bad job of covering his raging boner.

“In this?” The shorter one scoffed at his attire, the robe bringing new doubts about the story as if Harry actually exercising wasn’t unlikely enough.

“I’ve just finished, you caught me getting into the shower. I have to be handsome for when my lover comes to tell me the tales of his trip, don’t I?” The student chuckled and a sheer panic emerged on his friend’s face.

“He’s coming here? When?” Malik asked as he looked at the clock hung above the door.

“Soon, ten minutes maybe. But you know how he is, he tends to be early.” Brunette shrugged and the expression on his mates’ face gave him a clear indication that he succeeded, Zayn downing the last half of his water before he approached the door. “How could you expose me to the risk of getting involved in his bullshit? You really hate me that much?”

“Yes.” Styles smiled at his friend as the man bolted from his apartment, leaving the door closed after he disappeared. Harry turned the lock and returned to the bedroom where Louis sat on the bed, still in the same position he was left in, terrified that he could get caught in his ex’s bedroom.

“Exercising?” The boy scoffed as his partner dropped his robe on the floor, his body exposed right in front of his companion.

“Guess my friend will now think that all I do with my free time is wanking.” Brunette sighed in relief as he returned on the mattress, the beams of setting sun falling on their nude bodies through the window, their lips linked back in a kiss. “That was close.”

“Too close.” Tomlinson whispered when plump lips found themselves back where they were disturbed, sliding down his tanned neck, placing delicate pecks on the dewy skin.

“Who’s Alex?” Louis asked as they were winding down from the rush brought by their little activity. His head resting on Harry’s chest when the man stroked his back with his fingertips, fondling lovingly with the soft skin.

“A guy I’ve met at school.”

“Why does Zayn hate him so much?” Another question left Louis’ lips; his voice quiet in the complete silence of a bedroom.

“Because he can’t take no for an answer.” Harry sighed, his chest rising just to fall a second later, followed by Tomlinson’s head. “He keeps insisting that we’d just be perfect together. I’m tired of this already.”

“What if he’s right? Maybe he’d be good to you.” The boy wondered, the tip of his index finger drawing shapes on the pale skin of Harry’s belly. A fit of irrational jealousy seeping into his thoughts as he learned about another man in Styles’ life.

“What if I don’t want him? What if I don’t want anybody new?” Brunette shrugged, his eyes plastered to the ceiling. The word ‘new’ still suspended in the air. “I don’t mind being single. Yes, I get lonely but to be completely honest, being single is so much better than I remember it to be… don’t know why.”

“Yeah, I have no idea… you get lonely? I always thought you liked your alone time.”

“I did too. But then you left and it turned out that I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m alone anymore. Nobody to annoy me, nobody to cook for, I guess I’m not such a loner after all. That’s why I didn’t tell Alex to fuck off yet. Zayn’s so mad at me for keeping him around but I feel like I owe him this.” The taller one sighed remembering the days when Alex’ company was so helpful.

“What for?”

“He was there for me when it was rough. In December, when I saw you and you seemed so unbothered.” Harry shook his head. “Zayn was at home back then, he asked him to come, keep me alive till he got back. And so, he did. Now I’m stuck with him.” Styles reminisced, the feeling of soft skin under his touch taking all of the power those memories possessed when he was by himself.

“I looked unbothered?” Louis scoffed remembering the day he saw his ex for the first time after the breakup. Unbothered was the last word he’d use to describe himself. Brunette didn’t answer, he didn’t want to ruin the mood. Bringing back the hardships of their breakup completely unnecessary, both men knew exactly what they were through.

“When you left…” Tomlinson broke the silence hanging in the air for quite some time as they simply enjoyed each other’s presence before Louis had to leave. “I froze, didn’t know what to do. So, I took the anger, the sadness I felt and convinced myself that you hate me, convinced myself that I hated you. It was easier that way. I didn’t think I’d see you again… But I was far from through at the point.”

“Aren’t we just the kings of moving on?” Harry shook his head; his nose buried into his partner’s hair, savouring the distinct scent of the boy. “Just so you know, I could never hate you.”

“You really like to complicate things, don’t you?” The shorter one twisted his head and pressed a kiss onto his lover’s lips.

“Maybe. But look at us now, how nice is this?” Louis sighed in a silent agreement that it is, in fact nice. But doesn’t matter how pleasant the setting was, it was bound to come to an end. Another period of feeling guilty until he could go back and stain his conscience yet again. Yearning for the man that was once his, bringing him back more and more frequently as the time passed. New excuses he had to make for his absence at his girlfriend’s apartment. “Do you think we could ever get this back?”

“Why would you want this back? We were awful together.” Tomlinson sneered, squirming on the mattress as the conversation shifted into the dangerous territory.

“Can’t live with you, can’t live without you…” Harry smirked and kept fiddling the skin under his fingers. “Can I ask you a question?” He asked; a deep sigh brushed on his chest as Louis felt a troublesome topic coming, Styles just loved to ask him difficult questions.

“You’ve just asked me one.” He chuckled, delaying the inevitable moment when brunette actually asks a difficult question. “Ask away.” He surrendered, his fingers still caressing the pale skin of his partner’s bare chest.

“Are you happy?” The taller man asked, his other hand finding his lover’s; intertwining their fingers. Linked hands resting on his chest, small pecks pressed on Styles’ knuckles.

“I am now.” Louis responded, still brushing his swollen lips over the soft skin of Harry’s palms.

“You know that’s not what I’m asking.” The student rolled his eyes as he stroked the skin of his partner’s back, his relaxed expression vanishing as he felt the warm surface slipping away from under his fingers, Louis stood up by the bed, putting his wrinkled clothes on. Brunette didn’t say anything, he knew that trying to make him stay was futile, the lonely nights the only thing that was left differentiating the thing they had going on from one they had just a year prior.

“Do you think you’ll feel particularly naughty this week?” The taller man asked, hopeful that he’s going to get a chance to see his lover earlier than for their scheduled meeting. They were already standing at the door, the dreaded moment of separation speeded up by his intrusive question.

“We’ll see. I’ll let you know earlier if I do.” The boy kissed his partner goodbye and slipped out of the apartment, taking half of the grim atmosphere with him.

It was late. The visit took Harry’s mind completely off the mundane things like his hunger; stomach raging in demand of nutrition. The dinner was postponed just a bit when the man decided to take a brief shower, refreshing himself after the exhausting activity he indulged in before. The lukewarm water slipping down his pale body, bringing him back to reality, where he was a pathetic man, alone in his apartment yet again. Pushed to the side after he provided a sexual relief to a man who now was on his way back to the woman who had the privilege of calling him her own. But he had no right to complain about his fate, that was exactly what he agreed on, brought the whole thing upon himself, desperate to bring back at least a part of Louis into his life.

Styles stood in front of a mirror, looking at himself with pity. Oh, how much more time will have to pass before he’d stop humiliating himself in front of a man who had a whole another life, using him only to ease his sexual frustrations? At the same time, he was terrified of the possibility of becoming redundant when Louis’ girlfriend finally agrees to have sex with him. The boy proved that he’s perfectly fine living his life without his ex, something that brunette himself could not pride himself in.

It took him a minute to stop staring at the red mosaic left as a reminder of his visitor, the faded marks mixed with the fresh ones, embellishing the long neck of a man who still adored the sight, even more so after the separation. But then he dragged his feet out of the bathroom and audibly gasped as his heart rushed at the sight of a man sitting on his couch. The initial terror quickly replaced by the sheer joy he could not hide.

“Can I stay?” The boy asked shyly, his hands occupied as he played with his fingers. Ashamed of how weak his will was, unable to resist the temptation, possibly exposing the way he still felt about the brunette.

“Of course, you can stay, silly. Go wash your hands, I’m going to heat the dinner.” Styles grinned when he realized that the night was going to be far from lonesome. The entire inner monologue from the bathroom forgotten at the sight of the beloved face of a man who went to wash his hands. The loud noise coming from the room announcing that he opted for a shower instead.

“Which one do you want?” Harry left the choice of the dinner open as they both sat naked on the couch. Louis took the plate with pasta that looked less risky in his eyes, the red sauce familiar, in contrast to the other one that seemed dangerously green.

“I almost forgot how fun this is.” Tomlinson chuckled regarding their returning tradition of eating dinner, nude on the couch with some dumb cartoons playing in the background. It was far from the dinners he was used to eating with Nellie, the atmosphere not even remotely as pleasant as this…

~*~

_ “Can you meet me at the bar? Today at eight?”  _ Zayn typed out on his phone and dug a bit in his contacts to get to the number he hasn’t used in months.

“Maybe you’re getting too involved in this…” The man heard from the kitchen, his partner stirring something frantically in the pan as he worked on their lunch. “I think it would be better if you let them sort this out on their own. They’re adults, baby.”

“They’re not, apparently. Nothing good will come out of this. He was doing so well… I can’t believe this guy.” Malik complained, his feet propped up on the top of his coffee table. “It’s too late either way, I’ve already texted him.”

“Perhaps he wasn’t doing so well after all?” Liam sighed and plated the noodles he prepared for them to eat. In a few big leaps, he closed the distance between his boyfriend and him, giving one of the servings to the man sprawled on the couch. “I don’t think you should meddle in this. If he gets hurt again, it’s his own fault. He’s a grown man, capable of making his own choices.” The officer sighed and stuffed his mouth with the hot dish.

“Doesn’t matter, I’ve meddled already.” Malik shrugged. “Let’s just hope he actually responds.”

“Hi.” Louis greeted his old friend shyly, standing by their usual booth when Malik hugged him, an appropriate greeting after over a year of separation. “Not gonna lie, was a bit surprised when I got your text.” Tomlinson’s hand wrapped around the neck of a bottle that was already waiting for him. A big gulp to soothe his nerves, the message did not bode well, not after the man was quiet for a year.

“Would you care to explain what the hell you two are doing?” Zayn cut to the chase immediately. His voice firm, but not hostile whatsoever. He knew that whatever was happening between his friends was not entirely Louis’ fault. “Listen, man, I know you’re fucking.” The taller man sighed, a tense look on his companion’s face persisted.

“How do you know? Did he tell you?” An irrelevant question the only thing the boy was able to struggle through his throat.

“I saw your shoes at the door. Exercising my ass.” The man rolled his eyes until he brought his attention back to the younger man opposite of him. “It’s not my place to tell either of you what to do but you should stop this, immediately.”

“You’re right. It’s none of your business, Zayn.”

“You know what’s my business? Struggling to get him through the hell he’s bound to fall back into when you get bored again. This is not right, Louis. Why won’t you just let him move on? You did, with your… girlfriend.” The man scoffed, putting as much venom in the last word as possible. The whole straight guy persona pissing him off, proving even further how selfish Louis turned out to be. Hurting two people he claimed to care about for his own gain. Seeming like this decent, straight man and still fucking his ex. Best of both worlds, right? At least for him.

“He’s a grown-ass man, he knows what he’s doing. You don’t get to control his life, you better mind your own.” A hostile note manifested in Tomlinson’s voice. He refused to acknowledge his companion’s right, even though he had the same doubts about his whole situation with Harry.

“Oh, does he now? Because he never before let himself get hurt for the sake of keeping you, right? He still loves you; he hasn’t moved on. He probably won’t for a long time and you coming here and fucking up everything we’ve been working on for the sake of getting your dick sucked won’t make the process easier. How much more of a fucking asshole can you be Louis? Go to your house, fuck your girlfriend’s miraculous pussy and leave Harry alone, he doesn’t need this. Not now, not ever.” Malik snapped and slammed his empty bottle on the table, blood rushing through his body, rumbling in his ears as he threw a banknote on the table for the bill and left, feeling that staying would only result in either of them getting punched.

“How did it go?” Liam asked even though from the heavy steps he could already make up his answer. “I should be happy you didn’t get arrested?” The man successfully lightened the atmosphere, the slightest of smirks present on Malik’s face when it got cupped. “You’re such a good friend.” The taller man admired the face he loved so much, the anger in those brown eyes of Zayn’s vanishing in thin air when his gaze met with his partner’s.

“Let’s hope I still have a friend after this, Louis didn’t seem keen on letting him go.” Zayn sighed deeply before he nuzzled his face into his partner’s chest.


	18. Chapter 18

_ “Louis, please.”  _ Harry sent another text, one of the bunch he sent over the course of the last week or so. He didn’t bother his lover with messages when he didn’t pop in for a quick meeting in the middle of the week, thinking that maybe the man was busy, or just couldn’t think of an excuse to come by. But it was the second consecutive Sunday night Styles spent alone, sitting in his living room all dressed up, with the dinner ready on the stove; a single rose decorating the small table waiting to be eaten at. The scenery magnifying how pathetic it was of him to still anticipate the visit, even though he was stood up a week prior, no word of explanation whatsoever. 

It was well after midnight when he finally gave up. He dragged his feet to the wardrobe and unbuttoned his ironed shirt, hanging the top that didn’t get a chance of getting dirtied back on the hanger, the pair of jeans folded neatly and left on the shelf. The grim thought seeped into his psyche which still tried to fight the idea of everything being over. Leaving him hanging without a word was more in Louis’ style than Harry would like to admit. 

Maybe a minute later, he was back on the couch, eating the dinner in his boxers since sitting alone at the table he set for a date seemed too depressing. The TV blasted maybe a bit loud for the late hour, some alien documentary on Discovery channel not enough to distract brunette from the familiar feeling of loneliness he grew to loathe so much. 

After the meal, the man decided to head to bed. Delusional that he’d be able to fall asleep after getting so excited to see Louis, the foolish anticipation still somewhat present deep inside of his brain when he fought the uneven battle between wanting to end his suffering by going to sleep and clinging to the hope of seeing the boy he missed so much since the last time he saw him.

~*~

“What’s up? The honeymoon phase is over?” Alex asked as they hung out on Harry’s couch. Zayn on the other side of the brunette who sat in the middle, having more than an inkling of the reason why his friend was so tense all of the sudden, giddy as ever the last time they met. 

“Shut up, Alex.” Malik rolled his eyes at the man, the blonde tried to brush his hostility off by engaging in the conversation going on between a pair of their other friends. Lovey-dovey nonsense he shouldn’t have any interest in, enough to get rid of him just for a bit. 

Styles didn’t say a word, a grateful gaze thrown at his best bud, his head falling onto Malik’s shoulder. The shorter one couldn’t help but wonder if brunette would be as friendly if he knew that he had his friend to thank for the miserable state he was in, yet again ditched by the man just after the first full night they spent together after reuniting. The abandonment was the last thing Harry thought that was going to happen after how affectionate the boy seemed to be that particular night, falling asleep squeezed in a tight embrace, in case he got the idea to slip away before Harry woke up.

The sweet morning, they shared together, yet again naked, eating pancakes on the couch with the cartoons playing in the background. The difficulty it brought for men to separate after the sleepover, the way Tomlinson refused to take his hands off his lover made the student realize, that maybe Louis was already aware that it was going to be their last night together. He just wished he knew also, he felt betrayed, the opportunity of keeping as much of those moments for later taken away from him by the guy who had more than enough stored for later. Harry left with nothing. 

While he was devastated by the abrupt end of their little affair, it was nowhere close to the way he felt after they broke up. The whole time he was aware that for Louis it was a sex thing, the boy kept it clear from the start. It was his own, goddamned fault for getting too emotionally involved. But how he could not get attached when he never detached after they split? His feelings as strong as the day their paths parted when they met again, the closing night of his exhibition. Hell of a closure, as the boy used to say.

He was too well accustomed with the lack of Louis in his life; if that wasn’t the case he’d be flipping out right now, externalizing the emotional torment he was going through, something he knew was bound to return when he made the decision to follow the man to that pub when he saw him in the gallery. Those few weeks together more than worth the price he was going to pay in exchange for them. 

“You’re not exercising anymore, are you?” Zayn asked as they were left alone in Styles’ apartment, their friends bouncing when they finally caught the wind of their friend’s miserable mood. Harry didn’t answer, somehow, he was not even surprised that his friend saw through his bullshit. “Niall told me he moved out, he’s gone for good. Maybe it’s for the better.” 

“It’s not.” The taller one shook his head, his arms crossed as he dealt with the news in his mind. Now he really knew it was over. Just like that, without a warning. 

“You deserve better, man. You should be so much more than the second choice when his girl won’t put out.” Malik pushed a deep sigh out of his lungs as the thought of Louis got him irritated yet again. “I’m here for you. Hell, we can get you another ‘closure’ if you need it.” Harry’s body started shaking, his friend ready to confront the man that he thought was crying. Much to his surprise, Harry turned out to be laughing. 

“Isn’t that ironic that just when I was ready to let him go, he yet again wiggled his way into my life?” The laughter ceased. “Maybe I’ll never get to move on…” 

“Not when you keep going back to him whenever you’re close to the getting over that relationship. I get that it’s hard, I get that you love him but at the end of the day, you will never be happy with him; unless he stops pretending and grows balls to come out to his family.” The pointed note in Malik’s voice manifested again, getting pushed back immediately. The hostility not needed in the conversation.

“He actually came out to them. Well… kind of.”

“What do you mean?” Zayn asked, pretty surprised as he never believed that Tomlinson would come out to his family.

“Well, it was an accident but he told them he was bi.” 

“And is he bi? What is this girlfriend nonsense? He’s clearly not that happy if he runs back to fuck you when he gets the chance.” Harry couldn’t bring himself to answer, mainly because he didn’t know what he could say. He asked himself the same thing ever since he learned about his ex switching teams. The whole situation confusing the hell out of him. But what would be the point of dating Nellie if he didn’t love her? He was already out, free to be whoever he wanted to be. Apparently, Harry lost the battle with a small, blonde girl. What was the point of making better chocolate chip cookies than her if she was the one with a privilege of falling asleep next to him, hearing those soft grunts when he woke up?

~*~

“Here you have it, the official prize for the biggest grump of the party.” Harry heard an unknown voice when he laid on the wooden planks, a bundled hoodie stuck under his head as he swirled his feet in the chilly water flowing beneath the wonky construction, he spent the entire evening on, undisturbed because nobody had the guts to come up. 

Even Alex left him alone after the little chat they had some time prior, when Harry, in particularly bad mood finally snapped at him and set the record straight, turns out that the blonde was not really that willing to hang without the possibility of a future relationship. Styles wasn’t going to lie that he was disappointed after losing that ‘friendship’. 

“You’re saying that whatever is happening there, is better than this?” The man chuckled as he retrieved a beer from a girl who sat next to him, her warm-hued skin glistening in the light cast by the round face of the moon, hanging above the woods ahead.

“Only if you think that a herd of filthy drunk people is better than whatever the fuck you are doing.” The girl shrugged and gathered her braids in the bunch, hanging them over her shoulder, exposing her slim neck as she looked at the sky. “What are you doing actually?” She asked and took a sip of her beer, her gesture mimicked by Styles.

“Reminiscing, I guess.” His honesty surprised him, this was the first time he saw this person, and yet he didn’t lie to her about the matter he even lied to Zayn about. 

“A sentimental one, huh?” The woman reclined, still counting the stars on the night’s sky; completely ignoring the blaring music from the party raging in Zayn’s holiday cabin. “You don’t meet guys like that anymore. What a shame.” 

“You do, gay ones.” Harry scoffed, his feet still disturbing the lazy current of the river underneath.

“Of course, you have to be gay.” The girl sighed; a slight giggle ringing in their ears. “I’m Eden, and I warn you that any jokes about my name may result in me drowning you in that river.”

“You’re that short-tempered?” Styles smirked, hugging the rim of the bottle with his lips, taking a big gulp, his beer halfway empty at that point. “I like your name, it’s different. Would you rather have a boring name like… Jessica or something?” 

“Back in the day, yes. But now I got used to having asshole, hippie parents and I can’t imagine having a different one.”

“It sure is a conversation piece, isn’t it?” The man flinched as they heard loud cheering from the event, which kind of got out of the control. “How did you end up here? I don’t think we’ve met?” 

“Well… I kind of happened to tag along some with some friends. And who are you, the host?”

“No, just his best mate.” 

“Shit, don’t snitch on me nameless man.” Eden joked, her empty bottle set on the pier as she laid back on the planks, followed by Harry who returned to his previous activity and observed stars, the same ones he watched with Louis back in the day. 

“Your secret is safe with me… I’m Harry, by the way.” 

“Talk about a boring name.” They both laughed at the joke. “You’re not doing the justice to this party, it’s not that bad.”

“Perhaps, not a big party kind of guy, to be honest.” Styles shrugged. 

“What are you doing in here then?”

“Asking myself the same question.” He sighed, his right arm extended, hanging off the pier. “Zayn wouldn’t let me stay home.” Another sigh when he recalled the hurdle he had to go through before he lost the battle with his friend, coming to this place the last thing he wanted to do. 

“What is he, your mom or something?” The companion scoffed.

“Honestly, kind of. Keeps me in check, been kind of blue lately.” The man admitted, playing with a piece of cane that ended up by his side, carried all the way to the pier by the wind. 

“Men ain’t shit, am I right?” The girl sat back and took her shoes off, dipping her feet into the water. A short hiss seeped through her teeth as the cold temperature of the river surprised her.

“Eh, I don’t know about other guys… mine was pretty awesome.” Styles sighed as every good moment he had with Louis yet again rushed through his mind. 

“If he was so cool why is he not here today?”

“Because he’s with his girlfriend.” Harry pushed a heavy breath out of his nostrils, frustrated with the thought of Louis being with his new partner, sleeping peacefully before his weekly church visit. 

“You fell for a straight man? Boy, you’re in trouble.” Eden snickered just a little bit, trying not to seem rude.

“I fell in love with a gay one, at least that’s what I thought.”

“Damn, this sounds like a whole soap opera plot. I want to know more.” The girl laid back on the hard planks; her dark brown eyes stuck on a star that shone especially bright on the dark sky.

“This is a long story. I don’t want to bore you with my suffering.” The man chuckled bitterly, still reminiscing about the past. “Also, I don’t talk. I’m the listener, just fyi.” 

“Listeners need somebody to listen to them too, I have time. It can’t be more boring than the shit that’s going on in there.” Eden insisted and to be completely honest, Harry was actually glad that he found the audience for his bitter rants. The fact that he won’t probably meet the girl again made it even easier for him to open up.

“Strap in then, this is going to be rocky.”

“Aye, aye Captain!” 

“Fuck.” Eden cursed as she was interrupted by a group of friends who wanted to head home, Harry still around the middle of his tale. “Are you from Manchester? I wanna hear the rest.” 

“Yeah, do you have your phone? I can give you my number.” Styles proposed.

“Give me your last name, I’ll just find you on Facebook.” The man gave her a doubtful look as she put her shoes back on. “I won’t find you there, will I?” Harry just shook his head. “What a fucking granddad.” She laughed and gave him her unlocked phone. The man typed in his phone number, signing himself as a ‘grandpa harry’ and returned the device to the girl, who disappeared in the darkness leaving him alone with his thoughts…

~*~

“How do I look?” Harry cackled, showing Zayn his new nails. A solid inch of hot pink acrylic hanging off his nailbed. His friend laughing as soon as he saw the fruits of the labour of their new friend, Eden who forced Styles to let her practice her art as Malik wouldn’t budge. 

“How do you even wipe your ass with those?” The other man, sprawled on a couch asked, his hair covered with a tin foil as he was in the process of getting his hair done. The atmosphere much better than in an actual saloon, a beer in his friend and a pleasant banter between friends. 

“Girls don’t poop, remember?” Styles reminded his mate as he admired the intricate placement of crystals on his claws, the thing was far beyond nails at this point. 

“Oh, right.” Malik scoffed and took a sip of his beer.

“Go wash your hair out.” Eden instructed him and so, he did. Taking off the foil before he could wash the dye off, tossing the bundled aluminium into the bin. “You seem to like them, maybe we’ll just leave them?” The girl joked as she already got her drill ready.

“Don’t think I want to get my mug beaten because of those.” Harry chuckled, resting his hands on a rolled towel, laid on the table.

“You have pretty hands.” The friend complimented as she took pictures of her creation to put on her website. 

“Um, thanks… I guess.” The silence got interrupted by the sound of a hairdryer, howling in the bathroom as Zayn couldn’t wait to see the effect. 

“Guys get their nails painted too. Maybe they’re not doing… this. But even straight guys do that now. I can paint them if you want, with normal polish so you can get it off if you feel uncomfortable.” Eden proposed and turned on the drill, taking off the fresh set with precision, one by one. 

“Sure, why not.” Harry shrugged and relaxed in his seat as the stylist took off the design she worked so hard on. 

“Why do you keep this shit?” She asked, nodding at the cactus standing on the shelf. “It’s so ugly, I think it’s dying.”

“Relatable.” Styles scoffed. “It’s kind of fitting that it’s dying. I got it from Louis, it’s one of two things Zayn didn’t make me throw away after he left. Mainly because he doesn’t know that he was the one who gave it to me… I’ve tried everything to keep it alive but I guess I have to let die eventually.” The man rolled his eyes.

“Don’t. It needs to be moved into a bigger pot. I will come by with some fertilizer and we’ll see what can be done. Also, move it on the windowsill, let it get some light.” Eden advised as she finished taking off Harry’s nails. Smoothing his nail plate with a soft file. 

“Didn’t know you’re such a green thumb.” Styles shook his head as he observed his friend pack her nail art paraphernalia into a bag. 

“My name is literally Eden.” The girl sighed and set three shades of regular nail polish on the table.

“Black.” Brunette answered the unasked question, his friend carefully painting his neatly manicured hands.

“This looks sick.” Zayn emerged from the bathroom, his fingers still tweaking the hairstyle. The strands in two different shades of blue carefully styled on his head. When he was finally satisfied with his hairdo, the man snapped a selfie and sent it to his partner, thinking that Liam would appreciate it while he was on duty.

“This really looks cool, maybe I’ll get something crazy on my head? What’s better for a breakdown than a makeover? That’s what every person on TV does.” Styles wondered, twisting his overgrown hair around his finger. 

“No way, I’m not touching these. I can give your hair a trim at best.” Eden shut his idea down. To be honest, Harry didn’t see himself in some crazy hair colour. He was not bold enough for things like that.

~*~

“Which one do you want?” Eden asked as they were browsing the shelves of a garden centre. Everything they needed already in the basket when Harry stared at the colourful array of plant pots. One gripping his attention immediately. He rearranged different vessels to get to the bright one standing in the back. “Are sure? You have absolutely nothing yellow in your place.” The woman shed doubt on his choice, but her comment only reassured him that he chose right. He missed the yellow that used to be in there all the time. Louis flooding the flat with sunlight even if the sky was cloudy. Harry always thought this man was so fucking yellow.

“I want this one.” The man insisted and headed to the checkout, where he scanned everything himself at the machine; forced to use one by a woman who kept him company.

“The roots don’t look too bad. We might be able to save it.” The girl said when she looked at the little threads hanging off the base of the cactus Harry held in his hand before he put it into the bigger pot. It was a bit big for the plant but hopefully, it was going to grow into its new house. Styles fiddled with the soil to cover the roots and pressed on it with his bare palm. Eden covering the ‘ugly’ soil with little rocks they bought. 

“If it dies, I’m going with it.” The man sighed as he rinsed his hands from the soil.

“Don’t be so dramatic, you’re gonna be just fine.” His companion rolled her eyes, Harry unable to see the expression since he was already in the cooking zone, preparing a dinner for them to eat. 

“Give me a deadline because I’m getting tired. How long? Two years? Ten?” He scoffed and squeezed the potato peeler harder in his hand as he prepared the vegetables. 

“It takes some time, it doesn’t help that you’re such a sentimental grandpa.” The girl started cleaning the mess they made while repotting the cactus. The yellow pot already set on the windowsill, its new place.

“How am I supposed to just move on?” The man sighed as he drizzled the cut potatoes with oil, a light sprinkle of seasoning landing on yellow pieces scattered over the baking tray when he exposed his feelings in front of his friend. “I will be alone forever, how do you move on from that?” He popped the tray into the oven and took out the meat to give it a chance to warm up before frying. 

“You’re smart, you’re dapper… you’ll find the love of your life in no time.” Eden pinched Harry’s cheek as she wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face to his chest in a comforting embrace.

“I already did, that’s the problem.” Styles’ chest puffed up as he took a big breath only to push the air out in a sigh, the girl not saying anything because, from the way her friend talked about his ex, she had established that this might be actually true...

~*~

“You suck at this! Shouldn’t you be better, considering that it’s literally your area of expertise?” Eden taunted Zayn who with every comment saying how bad of a job he was doing, became more and more annoyed. As if he didn’t already know that he’s not doing very well.

“Hey, lay off him. He’s doing great.” Harry commanded from the kitchen, where he was preparing food for the group, that somewhat voluntarily was helping him repaint the apartment he was renting.

“How long is the food going to take?” Zayn asked, focused on dispersing whiteish paint properly on the wall, trying not to give their friend any more reasons to complain.

“Twenty minutes or so.” The cook answered and only then registered, that somebody changed the record which was playing before, putting on one from Louis’ collection.

“I’m going to the bedroom, I’m not going to sit through this slander.” Malik shook his head and left to the other room, taking his painting supplies with him. A wide grin appeared on his partner’s face as he was joined by his boyfriend; the officer stood on the ladder, working on covering the wall with paint, two rollers at once.

“I think a big ass dick would really tie the room together.” The shorter one scoffed and proceeded to work, not accustomed to this kind of ‘painting walls’.

“What did Harry do? I’ve heard him defending you.” Liam asked, a confused look on his face as he kept moving the rollers up and down, the majority of the room already painted. Out of four of them, it was Payne who did the best job. Working more efficiently than the rest. 

“Nothing, it’s just my inner interior designer manifesting.” Zayn shrugged and continued his work, acting oblivious to the fact that he saw his man fixing his mistakes.

“How’s the cactus?” Eden asked when Harry returned to help with painting, the pizzas already in the oven.

“Better, I think.” He shrugged and glanced at the windowsill, unable to locate his plant since everything was all over the place, the furniture dragged to the middle of the room as they painted.

“And how are you?” The girl proceeded inquiry as this was the first time they’ve seen each other in two weeks, the girl came back from a trip only a day prior, more than happy to meet with her new set of friends, even if it came with refreshing the walls of her Harry’s flat.

“I don’t know, fine I guess.” Another shrug shook his body, a roller pressed tightly to the wall, focusing on the higher parts his companion couldn’t reach.

“Are you still thinking about him?” The friend interrogated; her braided hair gathered on the top of her head as she tried not to get them dirty.

“No, he doesn’t!” They heard a voice of protest from the bedroom, Zayn’s eavesdropping exposed by the offender himself. “Are you going to stop talking about him or we’re switching?” The friend threatened.

“OKAY, we’re not talking.” Eden surrendered and got back to painting.

“Sometimes.” Styles just whispered, not wanting to leave the question unanswered.

Even though it was a long time since he saw Louis, he still tended to reminisce about the boy from time to time, mostly when he was alone. That’s why he rarely let himself be on his own, at least during the day. Doing all sorts of things to get his mind off the memories. Volunteering in various places, meeting friends, even dropping by at Teresa’s if there was nothing else to occupy him. The cafe owner still welcoming him with open arms, the banter between them as natural as always. 

At night the loneliness was inevitable, that’s when he’d sometimes just lay in his bed and think about how good his life was before he fucked it up… Before they both fucked it up, Harry only later realized that it was not only him who was responsible for splitting up. Neither of them was a bad person, it was just that together they formed a volatile mix. The tragedy already predestined when they laid their eyes upon each other for the first time.

But now, even when he was with friends, he still got reminded of the boy. He kept thinking about everything, wondering if he’ll ever be able to move on as he painted wide strips on the wall of his living room. The room was done, for the most part, only some meticulous work to do near the floorboards and the area that couldn’t be reached from the ground. They needed a ladder for that, the one Liam has been hoarding all the time.

“Shit, that’s spicy.” Harry complained about his own creation as he chewed on the pizza he made for dinner. A soft sound of music breaking the silence as they all ate, sat on the floor.

“This is spicy?” Eden asked, the company mocking the cook as he gulped water to soothe the burning sensation in his mouth. He didn’t know if his friends were just pretending for the sake of making fun of him, or their taste buds were immune to the spice level. “What a baby.” The girl cackled as she pretended to choke on the pizza, taunting her friend.

“How’s your family, Harry? Did you have fun seeing them?” Liam, being the nicest person ever, ended the streak of abuse by shifting the conversation to a different topic. He ate his meal in peace, his face splattered with paint as he leaned on the couch that was now covered with plastic.

“They’re all good, thanks for asking.” Styles answered with a faux bitter tone in his voice as he implied that his other friends should’ve asked first. “Yeah, it was fun. I should be visiting them more, though. I was scared my mum won’t let me back on the train.” He chuckled as he remembered the tight embrace he was closed in as his train was leaving. His mom insisting that he has to get back as soon as possible.

“You should, it’s better than spending all of your weekends in here, dwelling in your sorrow like a sentimental ass.” Zayn joined the conversation, the plate with dough edges set on the floor in front of him.

“You’re probably right.” Brunette chuckled. “I actually told them this time.”

“Told what?” Eden asked; confused look on their face.

“That he’s not with Louis anymore.” Malik shook his head in disbelief.

“You never told them? It’s been what? A year?” The girl couldn’t believe her ears. “How do you even keep that a secret for so long?”

“Months of experience in making excuses for his boyfriend.” The blue-haired friend interfered and a deep sigh was pushed out of Harry’s lungs when the topic was brought back, even though the subject was not present in their lives for four months already. For half of their group, he wasn’t even present in the first place. Harry had no idea why his friend was so hostile towards his ex, as far as he knew there was no bad blood between them when they separated. Something changed along the way, around the time of the little affair he got into with Louis. Maybe that was the thing that got Zayn so heated.

“Why are we still talking about him?” Liam, yet again tried to keep the conversation in check. Knowing damn well that a single thought of this Louis guy got his boyfriend triggered, due to their last interaction.

“You really can’t let him go, can you?” Styles mocked his best friend; Zayn’s lips pressed in a thin line, his eyes spilling the truth about his worsening mood. He did not find the joke funny.

Harry’s phone, violently vibrating on the hardwood floor pulled the group’s attention, doing a good enough of a job loosening the tension between the host and his best friend, who for some reason was moodier than he was when he arrived.

“Tinder?” Malik asked when he unplugged his mate’s phone and threw it at his pal, who caught it without any problems.

“Who are you talking to?” Eden lit up immediately and snatched Harry’s phone, distancing herself from the group, so nobody could retrieve the mobile. Brunette sat still with a tired expression on his face as his friend invaded the privacy of his conversation with a guy he talked to in the app.

“You’ve been talking for two weeks and he hasn’t sent you a dick pic yet? Marry that dude, he’s the one.” The girl exclaimed as she scrolled through the conversation. “He’s so funny, I love him!”

“Who’s that?” Zayn asked, his stance visibly more relaxed as he sat cross-legged next to his boyfriend, their knees pressed together as the only physical contact between men. The shorter one not really prone to public displays of affection but even without that, Styles knew that his friend was a softie when left alone with his partner.

“I don’t know, I couldn’t be arsed with deleting the app and one day I started getting notifications all of the sudden. Then I thought I might start looking, see who’s out there and we started chatting.” Brunette shrugged, completely unphased with his friend digging into his dating profile.

“He’s a veterinarian! Look, he has a picture with a little piggie. You have to meet him!” Eden insisted, passing the phone to Zayn who took a quick glance at the man his friend was talking to. He was as different from Louis as it probably ever got. His skin in a rich, dark colour, his hair in a buzzcut and a big, inviting smile on his face as he posed with a piglet.

“He’s cute.” Liam commented when he looked at the man over his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Oh, is he now?” Malik joked, in the gesture of solidarity he blocked the device and returned it to the rightful owner. A betrayed look on their intrusive friend’s face.

“Why won’t you go out with him?” Zayn asked, completely brushing over his friend’s accusatory expression when he deprived her of the pleasure of snooping in Styles’ phone.

“I don’t know, I just don’t want to.” Harry sighed when he realized everybody was looking at him, the last thing he needed was another interrogation.

“So what, you’re going to celibate for the rest of your life now?” The blue-haired one continued his inquisition, a mocking smirk on his face.

“Why not, who needs sex anyway?” The tallest one shrugged and got up from the floor, gathering the dishes as he headed to the kitchen in a desperate attempt to escape the conversation.

“Well… the one-night stand Harry did. Or are we not talking about that?” Malik scoffed when he joined his friend in the kitchen. “Why not give it a go? Just go get a coffee or a drink, he seems nice.” Malik insisted as he dried the dishes his friend washed by hand.

“You’re not going to shut up until I go out with him, are you?” Brunette sighed as he rinsed his hands.

“No.” Zayn answered, a smug smirk on his face; the man already knew he won.

~*~

“Oh… you’ve never told me you were such a hipster.” The man chuckled as he traced the arm of Harry’s record player with his finger. The host still in the kitchen preparing drinks for them to indulge in.

“I guess you could say that I am one of those.” Styles shrugged, he was used to being called a hipster. That wasn’t necessarily how he thought about himself but oh well, who cares.

“Those are some good records.” Daniel complimented as he looked through the collection set on the station that the student had set up for all of his records. “Do you have anything more recent though, Beyonce or something?”

“No, not really. Sorry.” Harry apologized and got back to his couch, two drinks set on the coffee table. He quickly gathered pieces of paper with his sketches, scattered over the table. He didn’t expect having company over in his apartment, that’s why it was far from pristine.

When he got back to the living room after he left the artworks in his bedroom, he heard the painfully familiar note of a record that was stuck on the player for some time already. Styles always seemed to gravitate towards this particular one during his overthinking sessions.

“Noo… not this one, please.” He pleaded as he quickly approached the small table in the corner of the room, stopping the record just a few seconds after it started playing. Desperately trying not to taint the particular album with more memories than the ones he already associated with it. “Is that one alright?” He showed his companion another album, quite similar to the one he just stopped.

“Never heard of it but sure, we can give it a try.”

“Why not that one?” The date asked as Harry sat next to him, still leaving some room between their bodies as they sipped their cold drinks.

“It’s quite an important one, a lot of personal stuff. Never fails to make me blue.”

“Oh, sorry.” The man apologized, even further convincing the student that he had a problem with excessively apologizing. Just as he thought that he really met a perfect man, well… at least on paper. He proved to have this one little quirk that was not something worth crossing him over for.

“Don’t worry, you had no idea.” Styles shook his head. “So, Beyonce? What else do you listen to? As much as I don’t like to admit it, I kinda judge people based on their music taste.” Harry shifted the conversation in fear that his new friend was going to dig into the issue of the infamous record.

“I listen to pretty much everything, to be honest.” Daniel shrugged and slid closer to his companion who acted oblivious to the change. It was their third date, by that time they probably should have any kind of intimate contact behind them… yet, they didn’t. Harry shutting down every attempt. “Whatever is on the radio when I go to work. I used to listen to a lot of R&B back in the day, something to chill out, relax. That’s my vibe.”

“I never asked about your work, you’re the veterinarian, right? Working with animals has to be so cool, do you have any of your own?” The student interrogated as the older man slid his hand over Styles’ shoulders, setting his muscly arm on them as he embraced Harry’s unimpressive frame.

“Yeah, I love my job. It’s probably not as glamourous as you might think it is. But it’s not bad, I’m working with household pets only. I wouldn’t change it for anything. And yes, I do have pets. Two dogs I was fostering but then… plans changed and they’ve stayed. I have some fish too.” Man’s face lit up as he was talking about his job, the twinkle in his deep, brown eyes showed that he’s passionate about his profession.

“You better stop fostering those dogs then.” Harry chuckled. “But honestly, is there a thing such as too many dogs?”

“Well, according to my landlord, one I too much already.” Daniel laughed. “What are your plans for the future? You get your master’s and then what?”

“Wish I knew.” The student sighed. “Guess that’s what happens when you set all of your plans around a particular person… I would love to work creatively, either art or even cooking. I’m quite good at that too. And if not… anything will do if it puts food on the table.”

“How long have you been single for?”

“I’ve split with my last partner in August… last year.” The younger one answered truthfully, dreading the fact that despite his hardest efforts, he still ended up talking about Louis.

“So what, sixteen months? Wow, that’s a long time. Nothing for that long? Why not? You’re so handsome, interesting and genuinely nice. I don’t get it.” The man shook his head, his skin glowing in the dim light flooding the room.

“I am also very sentimental. It’s hard for me to move on.”

“But you have moved on? I don’t want to get mixed into your issues if your ex is still in your life…” A visible hesitation on Daniel’s face as he distanced himself just a bit.

“He’s not in my life anymore.” Harry squirmed in his seat as he found himself under an intrusive gaze. His companion only nodded and kept staring. In desperate attempt to free himself from the analysis he was put under; he brought his right hand on the man’s waist and pulled him closer, a kiss pressed onto the plump lips of his new friend. One so much different from those he was used to, those lips of Daniel’s taking over as the kiss grew deeper.

“Now I believe you.” Dan smiled as their faces parted, their breaths just a bit heavier than before. Brown eyes glistening in the light in anticipation of another round, their bodies closer than ever as they made out on the couch. Not the ending of the date Harry was expecting…


	19. Chapter 19

“Hey, you’re asleep?” Harry heard a deep voice right next to his ear; a warm breath brushing against his skin as the question brought him back since he actually dozed off for a bit.

“No, not at all.” His body shook as he chuckled; the silhouette of a man laying behind him moved too. Their bodies pressed together. Styles’ head resting on his date’s extended arm as they laid in bed, watching a movie. “I warned you. This one always bores the hell out of me.”

“I am utterly offended, it’s almost Christmas! It’s a tradition to watch Home Alone at least once a year.” Daniel shook his head vigorously. “I will keep you awake the whole time, this is more than just a movie!”

“Yeah? And how are you going to do that?” Harry provoked his companion but regretted his daring tone right away, a big palm sliding down his chest, getting buried under the covers when the man set his hand on his partner’s nude thigh.

“Oh, no. No, no, no!” Styles squirmed, laughter emerged from his gut when the slim fingers tickled his skin. “FINE! I’m not going to sleep.” He surrendered, his legs still kicking under the bedding as the tickling didn’t stop. “Hey! You can’t do that… Oh.” He sighed as he felt his partner’s hand creeping around his crotch, unexpected touch causing a twitch of his cock, Daniel clearly aware of the reaction. “No, really. I can’t do the next round right now. Later.” Harry opposed and sure enough, the hand slid up his body; a flattened palm resting on the smaller one’s bare chest as they cuddled. Small kisses pressed to his neck as they still laid in the bed after a sleepover; didn’t matter that it was four in the evening already.

“Later.”

“Aren’t you hungry yet? I’ll fix us something to eat.” Harry slid off the bed and cracked his spine, it felt stiff after spending over fifteen hours in bed.

“I’d rather have you stay here.” The companion murmured, his stubbornness pulling a chuckle from the younger guy, his dark hair bouncing in the air as he shook his head.

“You’re not going to have me here much longer if I starve.” Styles just answered and finally stood up, his legs struggling just a bit to support his weight. “Watch your movie.” The man scoffed as he headed to the kitchen, practically feeling Daniel’s eyes on his bare ass.

“Fine...” He heard a groan of response and disappeared behind the corner.

“Do you have to go? I’m going to miss you.” Daniel complained, his head pressed to Harry’s thigh as they relaxed after the third round, still laid on the bed they have barely left, even though midnight was approaching.

“I’m pretty sure my mom would come here and murder you if she knew you are trying to keep me here for Christmas.” Harry shook his head, a smirk on his face as he realized that this could be the truth. “You’ll be just fine, you can call me if you miss me too much.” The man stroked his partner’s head, still not used to not feeling silky hair twisting around his fingers when he did that.

“You can expect me to call.” Daniel promised. “Hell, I’ll probably call you right after I drop you off at the station.”

“Oh, so now you’re dropping me off?” Styles smirked since they never discussed that particular issue. “I guess you can do that, it’s better than dragging my suitcase by tube.”

“Thank you so much!” Men joined in a chuckle, their fingers gravitated towards each other, intertwining as they laid in the darkness interrupted only by Daniel’s laptop from which they played music pretty much the entire evening.

“Are you working tomorrow? Should I expect to see you?” Harry asked when he walked his partner to the door. One in the morning snook up on them as they enjoyed each other’s company.

“I am working but I will drop by in the evening. I could never let you go without a proper goodbye.” The taller one answered, his big hand grabbed his partner’s nude butt as he pulled him closer, linking their lips in a kiss. “Or do you have something against it?” Daniel teased Styles, who with disappointment reacted to their lips separating.

“Um… let me think. I’ll get back to you via text, does that sound alright?” Harry continued teasing.

“I think I already got my answer.” The man looked down, fully focused on his lover’s stiffened length which hung lazily between his legs. “You want me to stay a little bit longer? I can take care of this for you.” Dan winked and licked his lips in an obscene gesture.

“I think I’ve had enough for today, need to get back in shape for tomorrow. Can’t wait for that farewell.” The student swung his arm and slapped his partner’s prominent butt. He really had a thing for those as it turned out.

“We need to repeat this sleepover when you’re back. I had so much fun.” The older one chuckled as he reminisced everything that happened since he got to his friend’s apartment.

“Yeah, we do.” Harry nodded. “Goodnight Daniel, drive safe.”

Daniel finally left the apartment after the prolonged goodbye caused by both of them not wanting to separate just yet. Now it was back to just Harry in his empty apartment. Thankfully, despite the fact he spent the entire day in his bed he was left pretty worn out, the active leisure enough to drain the energy from both men.

Styles circled his apartment just for a bit before he hopped in the shower to quickly rinse off his body of the grime that collected on it throughout the day. Without anything better to occupy his mind with while he washed his hair, he started thinking, yet again. But the thoughts didn’t revolve around Louis anymore. They were focused on the man that barely left his bedroom, leaving brunette hopeful for the future. And very much thankful to his friends for pretty much forcing him to go out with Daniel, since the guy turned out to be very close to what he wanted. 

The thing between Daniel and him still very much fresh, neither of them willing to commit to something serious that soon. They just kept dating, getting to know each other and having good sex. As much as Harry thought that they’ve rushed with the whole intercourse thing, he could not deny that his new friend could be found on the second spot on the list of Styles’ best sexual partners if he was ever going to make one. The winner quite obvious, without the huge chance of being dethroned anytime soon…

~*~

“I told you not to get me anything.” Harry sighed deeply as he retrieved a gift bag from his friend’s hands. “Thank god I got something for you too. That would be awkward if I didn’t.” Styles got up from the bed and started shifting stuff in his desk to find a box which he wrapped in plain wrapping paper.

“You liar!” Daniel shook his head as he accepted the gift that was not supposed to exist. They both agreed on not giving each other anything for Christmas, both decided to ignore their plans.

“It’s nothing really, I like giving gifts.” The smaller one shrugged and opened the bag he was given. A piece of beige fabric was placed at the bottom joined by a box of chocolates which in particular pulled his attention; the man chuckling hysterically for an unknown reason.

“What’s so funny?” Dan asked unsure to the source of the laughter.

“Open yours.” Harry just shook his head and just as the man complied, he joined the laughing session. An identical box of chocolates in his present.

“Now I can be certain that you’ll enjoy at least that part of the gift.” The taller one kept smiling as he observed his companion unfolding a piece of fabric. His face lighting up when he recognized a logo of one of his favourite bands on a vintage t-shirt. The gift proved to be far more personal than he anticipated. “I thought about you immediately when I saw it in the hipster store.” The man mocked his friend who now punched him in his arm for doing so.

“I love it, thank you so much.”

“See if it fits.” Daniel encouraged; his brown eyes flickering in the light falling from a night lamp as he watched his lover changing shirts. “Like a glove.” His smile grew wider when he realized that he made a good call.

“Open yours, it’s not as cool as this is but I’ve tried.” Harry pressed his lips together as he observed his friend opening a plain box containing the main gift. Delicately, the man dropped a mug into his hand and scanned the ceramic surface covered with artwork.

“You’ve painted this?” Styles just nodded as he observed the cutest reaction to the gift as simple as a mug. “I love it. Oh god, this is the best thing ever.” Daniel continued smiling as he still couldn’t believe how absolutely amazing is the gift he was given. A simple mug that was greatly improved by an artwork of his pets, which Harry had a chance to meet once when they hung out at Dan’s place. “I’m taking this to my work, thank you this is so cool. I’m going to be scared to drink from it. I don’t want to break it.”

“Then I’ll paint you another one, don’t worry about it.” Styles shrugged and laid down on his back, his eyes plastered to the ceiling as his friend was clearing the bed from the packaging before he hung himself over the smaller guy and started placing kisses on his pale neck, starting their farewell as they didn’t have too much time to spare…

-

“Oh, this is fancy. I’m not used to something this lavish.” Harry laughed as he twisted a bottle of expensive Champagne in his hands before he put it into the fridge.

“I figured I’d spoil you just a little bit. God knows you deserve that.” Daniel sat on the couch, took one of the sketchbooks laying on the table since Harry was sorting through them and started flipping pages, admiring the art created by his friend.

“Are you sure you don’t want to bounce? Me being sick doesn’t mean that you have to stay bored with me. You can leave me with that bottle, I won’t complain.” Styles joined his companion on the couch, his head rested on the other man’s arm when he started reliving the stories associated with the artworks created on the cream pages.

“I have never been bored in your company and I don’t think it will change today.” The taller one kept his eyes on a sketchbook. “We’ll watch a movie, have a drink, see the fireworks and go to bed. No party is better than this.”

“Maybe you’re right. I can’t promise that I’ll last till the fireworks though. I’ve slept through the entire day and somehow I’m still tired.”

“I’ll come up with an idea, I can’t let you sleep through the New Year’s kiss, can I?”

“I guess you can’t.” Harry laid back on the couch, his feet resting on his partner’s lap as the older man still flipped through his sketchbooks, one by one, the serenity of the apartment disturbing only by music.

“How come you haven’t drawn me yet?” Daniel asked after a bit of silence, Harry pulled out from his thoughts.

“Huh?” He asked, disoriented.

“You have a bunch of random dudes, bare ass naked in there and none of them is me? That’s just rude and unfair!” The man joked as he threw a book at the student, opened on the page with a man who was far from random. One of the sparse remainders of Louis still present in Styles' life, has doomed the entire evening when the man got reminded of his might-have-been first New Year’s kiss.

“Never knew you were up for it. It’s quite annoying to pose, but if you’re volunteering I will take you up on that offer. You’re going to regret it though.” The brunette just tore out the page with Louis’ silhouette drawn on it, got up after giving the sketchbook basck to Daniel who kept looking at his friend with confusion painted on his face. Styles approached the bookcase and pulled out his special journal, a layer of dust collected on the top since it wasn’t touched for quite a while. Then he just slipped the piece of paper between the pages of the notebook and returned it to the rightful place, still not entirely ready to put his last relationship behind.

“What was that?” The taller man asked, something between mocking and puzzlement in his voice.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Harry pressed his lips together in an expression resembling a smile and went back to his couch, laying down next to his date. Yet another New Year’s Eve spent thinking about Louis, not leaving a lot of hope for the year ahead.

“That guy wasn’t random, was he?” Daniel started a conversation after they sat in silence for quite a while, the guest still occupying himself by watching his friend’s artworks.

“No, we dated for a bit.”

“How long?” Daniel asked, attempting to explore a territory Harry had no intention of venturing in.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Styles shook his head. “What are we watching?” He shifted the conversation away from the topic he wanted to leave behind so bad, yet he was full of doubts to if he was ever going to be strong enough to do so.

-

“You’re not telling me you want to go there.” Zayn looked at his friend angrily as he sipped his beer. Two other people gathered with them sat silent, neither of them knew enough about the issue to get involved.

“Why would you tell me if you think it’s such a bad idea?” Brunette asked, his knees curled up to his chest as he still processed the news he got from his friend, who got those from Niall during their infrequent hangouts.

“I thought you should know. I didn’t think that you’d actually want to go there.”

“Of course, I want to go there. Do you even know me?” Harry scoffed and looked at the rest of his friends in search for support on the issue, both people dodging his gaze as soon as their eyes met.

“You’re doing so good with Daniel, why won’t you just leave him alone? It’s none of your business Harry.” Malik tried to persuade his friend to change the decision he already made. Both of them knew that his efforts were futile.

“I’m not doing this for Louis, she was my friend. Am I supposed to just ignore the fact that my friend passed away because she happened to be his mother?” Styles’ tone grew progressively more pointed. Not louder, just irritated.

“Yeah, and you’re not going to run back to him as soon as you lay eyes on each other?” Zayn mocked him, his boyfriend left him and headed to the bathroom in an attempt to get away from the awkward conversation. “He doesn’t want you there. If he did, he’d tell you she died.”

“I know he doesn’t, I don’t care Zayn. I am going and nothing you say will make me change my mind.”

“What does Daniel think about this? Are you going to bring him along?” Zayn asked, his voice filled with derision as he relaxed in his seat.

“He doesn’t know yet. And no, why would I bring him there? Is a funeral your ideal date?”

“Of course, you didn’t tell him.”

“Can you both just shut up?” Eden snapped at them just when Liam came back with new beers for the group.

“No! Because he’s going to go there, fuck him yet again and screw up everything with Daniel for a guy who can’t give him what he wants.”

“How can you know what I want though? Why does it even matter so much to you? You’re happy, enjoy it and please let me live my life how I want.” Harry shook his head, his lips pressed together as he tried to compose himself.

“Maybe because I’ve seen what this guy does to you? Maybe because I care and don’t want you to go back to him to get hurt like you always do?” Malik’s voice grew louder, his partner’s hand clasped on his arm in a calming gesture.

“I think you both have good points but as a person who had lost a parent… I don’t think he’ll be in a mood to fuck anybody.” Eden tried to loosen the tight atmosphere. The deep sigh that left Zayn’s lungs indicating that she triumphed, at least a bit.

“Do what you want, it’s your life but I’m going to murder you if you come to me crying about him yet again, I’m through.” Malik rolled his eyes and got up from the couch, his partner looking at him confused as he put his coat on.

“You can always come to me.” The girl smiled at Harry who now just sat on the armchair, annoyed.

“Don’t encourage this. You weren't there when he almost killed himself because of him. This is not one of those cute, rom-com bullshit stories.” Zayn drawled through his teeth as he waited for Liam to get dressed. When he did, the oldest man just squeezed Styles’ shoulder and mouthed an apology when his partner wasn’t looking. Then, they just left.

“Was it really as bad as he says?” Eden asked when they were left alone.

“No, it wasn’t.” Harry lied. “I’m not going there to get anything out of this. I just want to say goodbye, I’m not even going to talk to him.” He sighed and reclined on his couch, his feet dangling off the furniture as he stuck his eyes to the TV, another weird documentary broadcasting since it was well after one in the morning.

“I think I’ll head out.” The girl unwrapped the blanket from around herself. “Or maybe I’ll stay if you need me… are you okay?” She asked, concerned as she didn’t know how affected her friend was with the passing of his ex’s mother.

“No, you can go. I think I’d rather be alone right now, sorry.” The man apologized and his friend immediately ordered herself an Uber.

“Call me if you need anything, okay?” She knelt by the couch and cupped Harry’s cheek. “And don’t be too mad at him, he just wants to keep you safe.” The girl rubbed her thumb over her friend’s stubbly cheek. “You should shave before you go, make him see what he's missing.” She smiled, her expression reciprocated even though his appearance was the last thing Styles thought about. “Okay, it’s time for me to go. Keep tight baby, I’m one call away if you need me.” Brunette just nodded in response and Eden left, finally leaving him alone to have a chance to start his grieving process; the tears he pushed back since he learned about Jay’s passing, finally had broken the barrier and soaked up in the pillow, creating a big wet stain under Harry’s cheek. 

-

“Thank you for dropping me off, and I’m sorry I had to cancel the cinema. I will make it up to you when I get back.” Harry apologized yet again and leaned over to the driver, placing a brief kiss on his lips.

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll make new plans. It can wait.” Daniel smiled ever so slightly, considering the grim reason for their plans being cancelled. “Call me when you get there, okay?” Styles nodded and men got out of the car. Dan pulled out his partner’s suitcase from the boot and set it on the ground. “When are you getting back?”

“The day after tomorrow. Around six probably but who knows how things work out.” Harry pressed his lips together and gazed at his wristwatch.

“Call me so I can pick you up.” The taller man smiled and stole a quick kiss before his partner grabbed the handle of his suitcase, picked it up and strutted the pavement to get to his station before his train left.

He was well out of breath when he finally got to his train, it took him a bit to find his seat but when he finally did, he was all set for the journey. Soft, piano music flowing from his earphones as he read his book, well… he tried to read his book. His mind kept swaying off the words he read to the Tomlinson family, even though he only knew two of the members; he felt for all of them. Some of Louis’ siblings were so young, he was worried sick for them all even though Johannah’s passing probably could be somewhat predicted.

The thoughts he had for the first time when he read in his ex’s journal that his mother is sick returned. The choking feeling of losing a parent, something that Harry knew was inevitable, yet he stupidly hoped that it wouldn’t happen for him. As if his parents losing him was any better than him losing them. That was just how the world worked, kids were there to bury their parents when the time had come to do so. Everybody knew this was how things were, yet the great sympathy he felt for Lou’s family still managed to pull tears to his eyes. Few of which managed to slip down his cheek, falling on the pages of his book not to be noticed by anybody since he sat there alone.

Harry was in Doncaster in little short of three hours. The ride extended quite a bit by the downpour; the world seemed to take notice of Jay’s premature passing. There was not much one could do in the weather like that. That’s why, even though he really didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts, he headed to his hotel after he grabbed something to eat in a vegan place located on the train station.

And that’s how he ended up, yet again alone. Nothing in his room could occupy his mind for long enough. In desperate attempt to keep his wandering thoughts at bay, Harry decided to iron his suit, which, on the second thought might have been overkill, but that was the way his mother taught him to pay his respects to people who were sent off on their final journey. And although his friendship with Jay was brief, they managed to bond quite a bit, Harry still not exactly at peace with the thought he was never going to see the woman again.

Harry stood frustrated by the ironing board and cursed the stupid idea of even touching his suit since all he did, was make it look worse than it previously looked. He was never really an ironing genius but this time, the process finished in a complete fiasco. It was thirty minutes later that he gave up, his outfit somewhat presentable when it was hung up in the closet. To occupy himself, Styles started pacing the room.

Brunette wandered around his compact room for quite a while when he finally decided to take a shower and try to fall asleep. His head was pounding from an abundance of emotions, he felt overwhelmed, the thoughts made falling asleep extremely challenging. He kept shuffling on the bed, the sheets twisting about his lanky body before he finally, after however long succeeded and passed out on uncomfortably soft mattress of his hotel bed.

The next day was even gloomier than the previous one, the setting ideal for the funeral Harry was about to attend in two hours. His mood grew more and more sombre as minutes passed. He wished he wouldn’t wake up so early, there was more than enough time left for thinking after he took another shower and completed his routine. Now, dressed in the well-tailored suit he sat on the armchair without a purpose. Passing the time as arriving early wouldn’t be a great idea when his main goal was to stay unnoticed.

He spent over an hour on that goddamned chair before it was appropriate time to head off. Considering the outside conditions and his non-existent knowledge of the town he heard quite a lot about, he chose to get himself a taxi. He quickly gave the name of a Church he was given by Niall and he was on his way, the thought of Jay not being with her kids anymore even more real as he got closer to the destination.

It didn’t take long before he got where he was headed. Harry paid for his cab and left the vehicle, not bothering to unfold his umbrella since he had only a few steps to take to get inside. He still ended up getting wet, standing outside for a bit longer than he needed to, still hesitant to the idea of attending the ceremony. But he got too far to back out, three deep breaths and he entered the place of worship, filled with people. The huge attendance didn’t surprise Styles at all, Johannah was the kindest soul he ever met; making friends with everybody she ever interacted with. The number of people that gathered to farewell the woman, only made it easier for him to blend in. Stepping to the back of the heavily ornamented building unnoticed by the majority. Standing straight as the religious event took place, sounding like a bunch of gibberish to a man who somewhere along his life parted his ways with God.

The service had dragged for an eternity before they could move on to the cemetery located just next to the church. Quite a bit of people skipped that part, considering the hostile weather. Only when the closest family was leaving the building after the casket that has been carried out first, Harry got a glance of Louis’ face and his heart completely shattered at the sight. Grey, for the lack of a better word. His cheekbones the most prominent he had ever seen them, a borderline translucent skin tightly stretched over his sunken face; his hair matte, cut in a style that made him look even more grown-up. Even though he got to look at him just for a split second, he still registered the trembling of his jaw, completely ruining the façade of this tough guy he’s put up for the outside world.

Harry tried so hard not to cry, the whole ceremony didn’t affect him as much as the expression on his ex’s face. The whole experience shook him so much, he completely ignored a girl whose arm was wrapped around Louis’ as they joined Jay in the journey to her resting place. Styles ended up standing in the last row behind the Tomlinsons; face hidden behind his umbrella as he tried to be as anonymous as possible. A one-sided conversation he had with Johannah in his head fully occupying his thoughts.

He just stood there, in the pouring rain; his eyes plastered to the back of the boy he once knew. The boy who in those six months of separation aged more than in the last few years. A full-fledged man stood a few feet ahead of him. Saying his last goodbyes to a mother who raised him, shaped to be the man he was right now. The man he always wanted to be. His wish finally realized and although there was no place for him in the life of a guy whose life he wanted to be a part of, Harry was happy for him. Knowing how big of a toll those identity struggles took on Louis, he was glad that they were over. He was broken now but he had all the time to mend his wounds and be the happy man he always dreamed to be. The most average Joe out there.

The cemetery part of the ceremony was brief, cut short due to the rain which seemed to mourn Jay’s passing along everybody else. Harry left just a few minutes before it concluded, happy that his presence in there wasn’t noticed by anybody who might have an idea who he was. 

After the main event of Harry’s day ended, he just headed back to his hotel to dwell in his not so unfounded sadness. Neither the weather nor his mood had favoured sightseeing; not that there was much to see. Yet another British town, just like many others.

It took some crying before the man finally managed to fall asleep, a nap very much needed after the long night and emotionally draining start of the day. He regretted that he couldn’t get back home earlier than the day after but he had no power over the railway. At one instance, he even debated calling Daniel and asking him to come to get him, he knew that the man would do that. The drive wasn’t even that long but in the end, he decided, that bothering the man would be rude. That’s why he was forced to stay in the place he didn’t want to be in. Waiting impatiently for the next day, maybe this one would be better.

The nap ended up taking almost as much time as the sleep Styles got at night. The sky already black when he was woken up by his phone. The device vibrating aggressively on his nightstand. It turned out to be Daniel, calling to check up on him like a sweetheart he was. 

Harry took a few loops around his room when he talked with his partner. The man mostly interested in Styles’ wellbeing; not entirely sure how close Harry was with a person that passed away since brunette had only told him that she was a friend. Not mentioning Louis at all because the information was insignificant, especially that they never actually talked about the ex.

It took quite some time for the student to convince the caller that he’s completely fine and his weird tone was only the leftover sleepiness. In the middle of his chat with Dan, Harry put his coat on and left the hotel to get something to eat since the room service in the cheap hotel he stayed in proved to be far from acceptable. 

The rain was still pouring when Styles stepped out from the building, the conversation he had with his friend over since he needed to have one of his hands free, the other one occupied with an umbrella. He didn’t really know anything about the town he was in, never got the time for getting to know the place any better. That’s why his first instinct was to hit google maps in search of places he could get something to eat. The results quite disappointing, a grocery store, a sushi place which by reviews seemed quite risky and fast food. A bunch of fast food. Probably a significant part of the reason why Tomlinson liked his hometown so much.

Defeated, Harry had to choose between a sad pre-made salad from the store and McDonald’s. Neither seemed very appealing but the grocery store was further away from where he was and that’s why he headed to the ‘restaurant’. Another plus was that he actually knew where it was, he passed it on his way from the train station.

It was Friday, late evening or early night, depends on how you look at it. Unsurprisingly, the place turned out to be packed with young people, gathering in the restaurant to hang out since the weather was bad. Harry looked so dumb in his suit, ordering his food to go since the vision of him sitting between those people, most of which quite intoxicated seemed very unappealing, especially that his unusual attire got some snarky comments already.

Thankfully, despite the high demand, the service was efficient and Styles didn’t have to wait for his order too long. Getting back to his hotel as soon as he was served. Less than ten minutes later he was back in the place he got stuck for quite a bit longer than he anticipated. Sat on the bed in a tailored suit with full McDonald’s spread. He looked bizarre, to say the least.

The midnight had passed while he entertained himself with a TV show that was running on BBC, nibbling on his cold fries one by one. The scene very depressing to say the least, thankfully there was nobody to witness the most pathetic display, which pretty accurately represented his mental state at the moment.

Harry sat on the bed for an undisclosed amount of time, judging by the number of programs he had watched it must’ve been at least two hours; his cold meal still barely touched in front of him. His phone buzzed next to him; the occurrence very unlikely considering that it turned out to be half-past two in the morning. The name displayed on the screen even more unforeseen, a name so close and dear to his heart that it still was saved in his phone, even though men’s ways finally parted six months prior. 

_“Yes.”_ Styles answered to a question he was texted, one regarding his accommodation. Louis correctly guessing his whereabouts. 

A sudden panic had struck the man as he realized that there’s a chance, he will stand face to face with the man he saw just a few hours ago. He just sat on the bed, paralyzed as he tried to compose his thoughts and racing heart. The visit was the last thing he anticipated. 

It didn’t take long before the door to his room opened, Styles’ stomach jumped to his throat when he saw Louis, still in his suit, crossing the threshold like he was in his place. His face slightly redder than earlier, his tie loosely hung over his neck like a noose. His behaviour even more bizarre, the man sat at the foot of the bed and let his back fall, laying down; his legs hung from the mattress as he stuck his eyes on the ceiling, acting like Harry was not there at all and the encounter wasn’t out of ordinary.

Brunette himself didn’t want to be the one who broke the silence, that’s why he kept quiet. His eyes plastered to the face of a man laying in front of him; having a great opportunity to actually take a closer look as Louis’ eyes were shut. He had no way of knowing Harry was staring at him, although considering the peculiarity of his behaviour, Lou could tell he was stared at.

No words have left any of men’s lips for solid ten minutes, the weirdest ten minutes in Harry’s life. Even after he took note of every single feature of Louis’ face, he still took another look around, and then again and again. Discovering new things as he went on. From the obvious ones like a prominent stubble covering the bottom half of his face, that feature noticed in the church already; to the smallest ones like a new mole that appeared on Tomlinson’s temple or a scar above his eyebrow that seemed to be a punishment for his habit of picking on his skin when it broke out. Alongside the beard, the bags under his eyes made him look even older than he already looked. His grey skin blushed just a bit from the alcohol he consumed, Harry’s nostrils flared when the smell of booze hit them. The reason behind this sudden visit was uncovered.

“Why are you here?” A voice emerged from Louis’ chest. One that was so familiar, yet so different at the same time. Deeper, more adult than Styles remembered it to be. A sigh had shifted the shorter one’s body, the clear indication that he was about to speak again before Harry got his chance to explain. “I guess you could ask me the same thing.” Lou pressed his lips together, his eyes still closed. 

“I’m sorry.” An apology the only thing the student could bring himself to voice. “I didn’t want you to see me, I really tried.” He added, and this time it was him who sighed. 

Louis brought his lean silhouette up and sat on the bed cross-legged. His trainers, so ill-matched with his suit, were kicked off his feet before he brought his legs on the bed. A bizarrely unfamiliar face was now completely obstructing Harry’s sight of the TV. Not that he was even interested in the show anymore.

“I didn’t see you, at first.” Louis shook his head, his hair still perfectly styled, held with the help of some product. There was no way the hairstyle would last this long on its own. “Charlotte recognized you from the picture.”

“And how did you even know I was here?” The older one asked, dumbfounded as to how his companion actually found out where he was staying. “I could’ve left right after the service.”

“I got a hunch.” Lou’s lips curved up ever so slightly. “I checked three cheapest hotels. This was the only one I don’t have any old friends working in. Hence the text.” He explained.

“But why?” Harry still couldn’t get the reasoning behind the sudden visit. 

“When did I ever have a good reason for coming back?” Louis grabbed three cold fries from the dinner Harry had lost all appetite for. “Other than just being an asshole.”

“I’m so sorry about your mum.” The sincere condolences made Styles’ voice break. His hand travelled towards his companion, resting on Tomlinson’s knee in a gesture of sympathy.

“You shouldn’t have come here.” Louis sighed, his hands joined Harry’s palm on his knee. Louis’ fingers started fiddling with his ex’s as he stared down at their palms. “There’s a reason why I never told you.”

“You look so much different now.” The brunette completely brushed over Louis’ words. What was the point of having this conversation when he was already there?

“What, you don’t like it anymore?” A bitter chuckle escaped thin lips which then parted to greet another delivery of fries. “You’re not the man I remember either, this… is not Harry I know.” A jokingly judgemental look was given to the junk food spread over the bedding. 

“There’s a reason why it’s been here for over two hours and I’ve barely touched it. Now it’s cold so here’s to wasting seven quid.” Styles shrugged and the fingers that were grazing his hand disappeared, busy unwrapping the cold cheeseburger, Louis biting into it immediately. 

“Still better than anything I eat at home.” Tomlinson commented and kept devouring the unappealing sandwich. “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow.” Harry simply answered, his companion nodded at the information. “Remember when you told me that I like to complicate things? ‘Oh, how the turntables…’” The man shook his head as he quoted the show they’ve watched together around Easter. One that Louis watched countless times, the reference immediately caused a smile to creep up on his face.

“I’m drunk. I’m sorry.” 

“Did you want to talk about anything in particular? You know I’m a good listener…”

“I don’t want to talk about mom if that’s what you’re asking.” 

“Okay, the offer still stands if you ever feel like talking.”

“Can I just sit with you for a bit? I don’t want to be alone right now.” The way Louis admitted that he needed company made him look so much more vulnerable in Harry's eyes. Just as if somewhere, under the scruffy exterior, was hidden a boy Harry knew this whole time.

“We’re quite overdressed, aren’t we?” Styles joked and slid himself to the side of the mattress, freeing up space for his companion to take. And so, Louis did. Cold fries in his hand as he began to pretend to pay attention to the program that was airing. 

“Did you decide to stay at school?” Tomlinson asked after a moment of silence between them. Harry was suddenly too shy to stare at the man when there was a possibility of getting caught, this feeling alone a dead giveaway that a lot had changed between them. Just a few months ago, he wouldn’t think twice before he’d annoy the guy with his staring.

“I did, yeah.” Brunette nodded as he answered.

“What are your plans after that? More school?” The questions seemed weirdly out of touch, considering the grim circumstances of their reunion. Something told Styles that this insignificant interrogation had its base in the fact that Louis wanted to stay distracted. 

“I don’t have any plans anymore.” 

“What kind of blasphemy is this? _You?_ Harry with a plan doesn’t have a plan?” An exaggerated, surprised tone manifested in Lou’s voice.

“What about your plan?” Harry shifted the conversation, he always enjoyed talking about others more than about himself.

“Will you be surprised if I tell you that I don’t have one either?”

“No, not very much. You seem to be doing well though, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess.” The smaller one shrugged. “Shush.” He quieted brunette who looked like he wanted to say something. Then he got on his knees and pressed his ear to the wall. “Somebody is shagging in there.” 

“So, you’re that kind of guy now, huh? Straight people are fucking weird.” Styles rolled his eyes as Louis got back on his place, the obscene sounds from the neighbouring room grew louder, now fully audible in Harry’s room, even with the TV on.

“Yes. All I do is peep on people fucking, why do you think I came here in the first place?” Tomlinson shook his head, his thin lips bent in a smirk. "Couldn't miss that opportunity."

“What did you tell your family? Or is going out at two in the morning a part of your routine now?” 

“Nellie was asleep when I left. She won’t know I was gone.”

“Guess it’s better this way.” Harry pressed his lips together. “Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did.” Louis answered in a mocking tone, repaying Styles for every time he ever did that to him. Quite a lot of those times. “You asking if you can ask doesn’t really foreshadow anything good, does it?” 

“Why did you leave so abruptly?” Brunette finally got the courage to ask the question that has been bugging him for quite a while. Surprisingly or not, a choking obstruction grew in his throat. Trying not to look so pathetic, he dropped on the bed, now laying flat; his eyes plastered to the textured ceiling. “You could’ve just said you didn’t want to do that anymore. I’d understand.”

“And then what?” Lou asked after a minute of silence. “Would you just let me go?”

“You didn’t even answer my question.” Styles accused. “So what? You got bored?”

“Maybe I just got too accustomed to you always being there? You were with me, you saw everything happen. It was supposed to be just sex, but then it never actually was just sex.” Louis took a deep breath before he returned to the topic that shouldn’t have been brought up in the first place. “I don’t want to be that man Harry, I hated myself so much by the end. I had to leave. The last night… I haven’t slept all night thinking whether we could give this another chance.”

“So… this whole thing was about you not wanting to be gay? I thought you were over this.”

“Not _gay_... A cheater, scumbag.” The smaller one shook his head. “I couldn’t do that. Keep you from moving on while being in a whole another relationship. How selfish was that?”

“That night… why didn’t you want to try again?”

“Because it would end the same way it did before.” Tomlinson scoffed.

“What if it wouldn’t? What if it would've worked this time?”

“You realize how bad we were for each other? You would just end up hurt all over again. You were doing so well… you _are_ doing well. I couldn’t risk breaking you.” 

“Do you think that maybe asking for my opinion would be a good idea?” Styles sighed as he reminisced about their little summer affair.

“What for? As if I didn’t know your answer.” A sombre chuckle shook Lou’s body. “I should go.” The man distanced himself from his companion as he struggled to get off the soft mattress.

“No, stay. We don’t have to talk about the past.” Harry pleaded, something desperate manifesting in his voice as he tried to keep his ex, even if for just a bit longer until they separate yet again, maybe forever this time. 

Louis seemed to be contemplating before he returned to his place. The rest of the night was spent mostly in silence, eyes seemingly focused on the pseudoscientific babbling about aliens. The topic so idiotic, yet none of the men seemed to care enough to change the channel. The reason being that neither of them paid too much attention to the program, observing each other’s every movement until Harry’s body gave up and fell back to sleep, the man who was by his side when he fell, not there when he woke up…

-

“All of you know me enough to be aware of how much I hate saying this but… I told you it would end up like this.” Zayn shook his head slowly, a judgemental look thrown at Harry who now, with the rest of their group repressed a laugh. Their efforts proved to be futile. All four of them, alongside Zayn himself, burst out laughing, the statement Malik made couldn’t have been further from the truth. If there was something he liked, it was to be right. And rubbing it into people’s faces was one of his favourite activities.

“To be fair…” Styles started as he got up from the couch. “We didn’t have sex. We talked… or just sat in silence.” He explained from above his suitcase, still spread open, laying left to the middle of the room; very unlike him that it was not unpacked yet, it was two days since he got back from Doncaster

“But you saw him, it still makes me right.” The man insisted, the dishevelled hairstyle on his head had just a bit of blueish hue leftover from the last time it was done. Another styling was way overdue. “Should we start?” He addressed Eden, who was sat on the floor on one of the pillows from the couch. She slapped her hands together as if she was waiting for the proposition and quickly got on her slim legs hugged by workout leggings.

“Sit here.” She instructed her friend after she pulled dining chair to the kitchen counter, the only suitable place since it wasn’t reached by the rug and with her luck, Eden knew she would ruin it if she got too close. Malik complied, the girl ran around the room for a bit before she found her bag. Pulling out a bare minimum of supplies she would need to sort the blue mess on her friend’s head. The minimum proved to be quite a lot of things, either way, scattered on the kitchen island.

“Shut it.” Zayn warned his boyfriend who was now chuckling at him, a makeshift cape around his body to protect his expensive clothes. His hair all over the place when it was cut by a woman who hummed a popular song under her nose. “Have you told Daniel?” The man asked his Styles, who now changed his seat to face friends who were in the kitchen.

“I haven’t seen him yet. I am not going to tell him, no.” Harry shook his head, his overgrown hair tickled his jaw as it shifted.

“Why not?” Eden joined the conversation, her brown eyes plastered to the strand of hair she was cutting.

“Because nothing happened, there’s nothing to talk about.” A shrug shook the tallest man’s shoulders, Liam quiet as ever, taking a sip of his beer every minute or so.

“Then you should tell him. Why keep it a secret if it was nothing?” Malik further inquired; his stance extremely ridiculous as he tried not to move.

“Because we never really talked about Louis.”

“Why not?” The hairdresser repeated, curious.

“Because he doesn’t want him to know that he’s not over him.” Zayn scoffed as if it was the most obvious thing ever, it actually was. At least for him.

“We did nothing wrong, we talked. Do I have to tell him about every person I meet? We’re not even anything serious.” Styles’ tone grew more frustrated as the questioning continued.

“If that person is your ex, it would be nice to do that.” This time it was Eden who added fuel to the fire. “You’re fucking. I think this is serious enough.”

“I fucked people without knowing their name before. This has nothing to do with Dan, that’s why I will not be telling him about Louis. There’s no point. He’s gone, now that Jay isn’t here anymore…” The student’s voice grew weaker, he felt a hand tapping on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. A deep breath brought him back. “Louis is not returning, there’s no reason why he would. He’s happy with his life, soon to be engaged and this is it. We’re through.” His monologue finished.

The last words echoing in his head, each time hurting more than before. That was true, Louis showed Harry the ring he had purchased for his girlfriend when he finally budged under the pressure of people surrounding them. It was not Christian of him to postpone engagement for that long, at least that’s what people said. And as much as Lou tried to convince himself that he doesn’t care what people think of him… that was not entirely the case.

“If you say so.” Zayn rolled his eyes as he scoffed, his head full of doubt about this whole closure thing. At that point, he was not even sure of the number of supposed closures Harry had. But he saw the sudden shift in his friend’s eyes when he mentioned the engagement, that’s why he decided to drop the topic. Still very much sceptical of this whole unbothered façade Styles put out, the way he reacted to his own words was a dead giveaway that he was far from through, even though he was getting into something serious with another man. Not very reasonable in Malik’s opinion but how could he tell his friend to stop seeing Daniel when he was the one who forced him to start the relationship in the first place? 

“I hate you.” Malik spewed out at Eden when he went to the bathroom to rinse his hair out. Large spikes of tin foil on his head made him look idiotic, now the reason why his boyfriend chuckled all the time was uncovered.

“Does anybody want another beer?” Eden asked as she got up from the floor and headed to the fridge. She brought back only one bottle when everybody else denied. “Y’all are a bunch of fucking grandpas.” She shook her head as she opened the bottle with a lighter. “Or not.” She laughed at Harry who now took one of the joints laying on the coffee table and lit it with the same lighter his friend was holding just before.

“Liam?” Styles proposed, his hand reached out to the man; smoking object between his fingers.

“Sorry, you know I can’t.” Liam politely denied the offer, he always did but Harry still asked. It was weird when they all smoked but not Liam. Due to random drug testing in the force, the police officer could just not risk it. And that was completely understandable.

“Don’t worry, I’m still just asking.” The host chuckled at the man he grew to love. Liam was so mellow. He never judged him, even though his problems were probably ridiculous compared to those he faced every day on duty. He was so loving and understanding, no bad bone in his body.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Zayn smirked and snatched the joint from between Harry’s fingers when he sat on the armrest of the chair Liam was sat in; slowly sliding down on his man’s lap as he continued to inhale big clouds of smoke.

“Such gentlemen.” Eden scoffed, reaching her hand to retrieve weed from Zayn who now passed it to the woman.

“Aren’t you a feminist by any chance?” The group chuckled at Malik’s remark, Liam brushing his spread fingers through his man’s damp hair. His head nuzzled in Zayn’s shoulder.

“You should ask Daniel to hang out with us next time.” The girl proposed as she passed the joint back to Harry.

“What would we talk about? He’s half of our conversation topics.” Zayn wondered as Styles choked on the smoke, his eyes watering as he coughed, giving the weed to his friend who retrieved it with great enthusiasm.

“Stooop, I want to meet him.” Eden sighed with a threat of throwing a tantrum.

“You will, it’s just early.” Harry reassured her when he stopped coughing.

“Oh, so it’s too early to meet your friends but not too early to let him put his dick in your asshole?” Malik activated again, his direct approach not shocking anybody in the group anymore.

“Can I remind you how long you two have been dating before I was deemed worthy?” Styles reminisced. “Not even that. Until I spent every second crying in your place so you were forced to introduce me?”

“Yeah, great first impression by the way.” Liam joked, the student throwing thunders at the officer before his lips curved up at the joke. “He has a good point.” Policeman concluded, his statement pulling a collective, deep sigh from the two that has anticipated meeting Harry’s new lover so much.

“Fine.” Eden rolled her eyes once again and got up from the floor. She approached the armchair the pair was seated in, stood behind them and slid her fingers into Malik’s wet hair, inspecting whether she did a good job with applying dye. “It’s late, I think I’ll bounce.” She took the joint from Zayn and took three short puffs before she handed it back. “I have classes tomorrow.” The woman excused herself, gathered her belongings and left the apartment, leaving three men exhausted without Eden’s bubbly personality that lifted the atmosphere.

“When are you seeing Daniel?” Zayn asked when he straightened his head as it was dropped onto Liam’s shoulder for a while.

“Tomorrow.” Styles sighed as he laid on the couch. “He’s going to come over after work. And I am not telling him about Louis so better drop it.”

“I wasn’t even going to ask.” Malik shook his head. “Okay, I was.” He admitted, his scalp still caressed with his boyfriend’s fingers. “Are you sure you want to get into this? I know I told you to try but…” The man sighed, shifting on his partner’s lap. “If you’re not over Louis maybe just give yourself more time. It would be cruel to make the man fall for you and drop him as soon as Tomlinson makes up his mind. Especially that he sounds like a nice guy; like he cares about you.” Malik finished and carefully observed his friend’s face.

“It doesn’t matter, Louis is over me. His mind is already made up.” Harry sighed, relaxed even though he was talking about such a painful topic. While Liam’s presence was restricting the ‘Louis talk’ at first, Styles learned to trust the man with his own life. Especially when he was one of two people who saw him right after the breakup, in the most vulnerable state he had ever been in. The officer always listened, he didn’t provide unnecessary advice, as opposed to his partner. Liam was not a judgemental type, maybe that’s why Harry liked him so much.

“If he’s so over why did he search for your hotel that night? Why did he come?”

“He didn’t want to be alone. He’s broken, his mom passed away and he doesn’t have anybody to talk to.” Harry explained once again. “Don’t you have work or something tomorrow?” Liam chuckled at the not-so-subtle attempt to get rid of them.

“I do.” Malik admitted. “But my hair is still wet.”

“There’s a hairdryer in the bathroom if you want it.” The host offered with a sickeningly sweet smile on his face.

“He’s going to propose to a bitch and he doesn’t have anybody to talk to?” Zayn completely ignored the offer and scoffed. His boyfriend’s breath hitched when he heard the hostile tone in his partner’s voice. “Where was she during all of this?”

“She was asleep.”

“Oh, yeah honey I know your mother just died that’s so sad. Here’s a bottle, cry yourself unconscious or whatever but I need my beauty sleep. Oh, fuck off, what kind of bullshit is this?” The blue-haired man finished his little scene with a question. “Why would he want to marry a person he can’t even talk to?”

“Because he doesn’t want to be gay? You know him.” Harry kept sighing, something made him so nostalgic. Probably weed, it tended to do that sometimes. “Why are you such a fan of him all of a sudden? The bottom line is that he doesn’t want us to get back together. We talked about that. Not once, not twice. The case is closed.”

“Is it though?” Malik asked and squirmed before he got off the seat, heading for his coat. His partner following him.

“Your hair is still wet.” Styles observed. “You will get sick.”

“I’ll wear a hat, don’t worry.”

“Goodnight Harry, sorry about the mess.” Liam apologized on behalf of the group and they left, the brunette sprawled on the couch, his mind had ten thoughts for a second, his brain couldn’t keep up with them even if it tried. A migraine started brewing in the back of his head as he battled with his thoughts.

What if what Zayn has said was right? What if Harry was an asshole? Dating Daniel when he clearly still had feelings for Louis was not the best look for him. But were they real feelings or just a memory of the way he loved that guy before he was abandoned? Most importantly, were those feelings ever going to go away or was Harry just doomed to live in solitude, mourning the one that got away?

-

“I’ve missed you. Very, very much.” Daniel smiled as he placed small kisses on Harry’s shoulder. It had been four days since Styles got back from his ex’s hometown before he decided to met his current partner. Making excuses since he got back even though he had more time than needed, his classes did not require too much time of him as of late.

“I’m sorry. It’s very hectic at school now, I would’ve called you earlier but I just had to finish this paper I completely forgot about.” Styles pressed his lips together in an expression resembling a smile. He couldn’t believe how easy lying had come to him with Daniel. He was never a good liar, nor he wanted to be one. He believed honesty was the most important virtue he possessed. Not anymore, apparently.

“We’re together now, that’s what counts.” Dan slid his finger down his partner’s chest as they laid in Vet’s bed. The second time the student was ever in that place. Small scratching noises disturbing their serenity as two dogs tried to get to the bedroom after not getting enough time to greet the visitor.

“Let them in.” Harry pleaded, the vision of petting two soft dogs much more tempting than having actual intercourse with Dan. Something just didn’t feel right, whether it was influenced by Louis’ unexpected visit or Zayn’s remarks about it, something was different and Styles was aware of that.

“Bold of you to assume they can’t open the door.” The man murmured, his mahogany skin glistening in the sunlight flooding the bright room. A thin layer of moisture collected on his silhouette as he had just climaxed in Harry’s mouth.

And there it was, the final attempt proved to be successful and two, very much lively dogs have jumped all over the bed, ultimately settling between two men. Harry tried to divide his attention evenly between the two but his hands were constantly nibbled by either of pets, asking him for full focus.

“You fucking cockblocks.” Daniel cursed jokingly, his hand now on one of the dog’s belly.

“Do they do that often?” Styles asked, his eyes still focused on two delightful creatures spread in front of him, their bellies exposed in the expression of unconditional trust even though it was the second time they ever saw Harry.

“No, not too much. I don’t bring a lot of people in here.” The man admitted.

“So like, two a day?” The student joked.

“Something like that.” Daniel smirked and tried to reach over the dogs to grab Harry’s cock in his free hand but the man dodged his touch.

“You’re not fucking me with them in here. You’re sick!” A deep chuckle left Styles’ mouth as he still spoiled the pets with attention. Their presence very much appreciated since it helped him avoid the awkward conversation that was bound to happen if Daniel found out that he was completely soft, something he never really had a problem with.

-

“Nothing happened. Not even a twitch. Soft as a fucking… a thing that is soft. Can’t think about anything.” Harry sighed as he confided in his friend.

“Spare me the details, for the love of God.” Zayn chuckled. “So what? The fact that he didn’t turn you one time doesn’t mean anything. You had good sex before, right?” Styles nodded. “It happens to everybody, sometimes you’re just not in the mood. This is all.” Zayn tried to lift up his mate’s spirits.

“I’m don’t have a problem with not getting up. I have a problem with not getting up _for him_. This never happened with…” The name left unsaid, both men understanding who the student had in mind. “You’ve messed with my head Zayn. I can’t stop thinking whether I’m doing the right thing dating Daniel.”

“You’re not.” Malik took a sip of his drink. “You can’t just go there, blow him just because you feel like you have to and then go home to jerk off to Louis.” He rolled his eyes when his friend’s face flushed deep red, a dead giveaway that something like this had happened at least once. “He is going to want more eventually. And then what? You’re going to tell him that he doesn’t turn you on? It will fuck him up.”

“What am I supposed to do then Mr Clever?” Harry’s back pressed to the upholstered seat. He knew that whatever he was doing was not right but what were his options? Live a lie or be alone forever. The one he wanted was soon to be married to a woman.

“Wait for the wedding and crash it since this whole story sounds like a plot of bad rom com.” Malik tried to loosen the atmosphere with a joke.

“Ha, ha, ha.” Brunette clapped his hands, no sign of a smile on his face whatsoever. “You could give me some useful advice for once.”

“Nah, this situation is too fucked up. I’m not getting into this. I’ll just sit here and judge you.” Malik shook his head violently. “Do whatever feels right, man. It’s your life, your happiness is on stake.” The man shifted the tone of their conversation.

“Even if it’s running back to Louis?” Styles scoffed, fully aware of the unfavourable opinion his friend had on his whole relationship with Tomlinson.

“I don’t fucking know anymore.” Brown eyes fell when the man sighed deeply, defeated. That was a response Harry would never expect. His friend’s outlook on his ex was very clearly negative up to that point. “Why do you have to be such a grandpa? Why can’t you just fuck somebody and move on?”


	20. Chapter 20

“Are you very busy tomorrow?” Daniel asked as he leaned down to place a small kiss on Harry’s lips when he was about to leave after their little ‘date’.

“I am, sorry. The exams are wild. Much harder than I’ve anticipated. I need to revise some things. I will see you after the weekend though… Monday? Come by after work.” Harry pressed his lips together, pouting apologetically.

“I’m going to miss you.” Dan rubbed his nose on Harry’s and left his apartment. Styles closing the door right after the man disappeared behind it. He had a habit of coming back for more kisses ever since he went domestic and to be completely honest, that was something Styles wanted to avoid.

It was eleven in the evening when he got rid of his clingy boyfriend, the man refusing to leave even when brunette had told him repeatedly that he has to study for his finals. Were they really harder than he anticipated? No, but that was a good excuse.

The thing with Daniel turned out to last longer than Styles would ever predict it to last. But it was May and they still were going strong. The other man grew quite attached to the student, fully submitting all of his time and efforts to the relationship he was happy in. It was a bit different on Harry’s part. While he obviously liked Dan, he still wasn’t struck with the real, genuine feeling to the man he was dating. Still hoping that maybe one day he would learn to love a guy that was so good to him. Maybe a bit too needy but there was no denying that he was a good man, indeed.

As Styles told his boyfriend, he gathered few textbooks on the coffee table and started to shift through them, revising the most important parts for his exam in accounting, apparently a class essential for managing art. But it was late, he was tired and it was Friday. No knowledge was actually going to stay in his head after this poor studying session. So, the man just gave up. Leaving books on the table as he toed to the bathroom, undressing his sweatpants when the shower was getting hot for him.

Something about the way the water scorched his pale skin felt very cleansing to the man. As if he was boiling out every bad emotion that dawned on him throughout the week. The shower lasted longer than it probably should, the majority of it spent just stood up, face buried in the stream as Harry relaxed after a very stressful half of an exam session. It was finals season, he was the type to be anxious about things like that, it was inevitable that he would feel the pressure no matter how much he spent studying. And he spent a lot of time. Sometimes even going as far as turning to books to avoid hanging out with his partner who if he could, would move in with Styles already.

Harry couldn’t blame his boyfriend. He knew exactly how Daniel felt because he felt that before. Just not in relation to the Vet he was dating. That’s why he decided to suffer through it. Perhaps even getting slowly closer to reciprocating at least part of the feelings Dan had for him which he was excited for to a certain extent. He had a great man by his side and appreciating him fully was something brunette wanted to do, he just couldn’t bring himself to by then.

The water started getting colder, indicating that the boiler was nearly empty. That’s when Harry finally decided to finish his relaxing activity. Stepping out on the mat he had laid by the tub. He stood before the mirror but it was cloudy with steam, that now covered every surface of his small bathroom. Not really wanting to leave fingerprints on the mirror, the man decided to leave it to come back to normal on its own.

Styles wrapped his hair in a towel and headed for the fridge, his nude body in full display as he didn’t bother with drawing the curtains. It was just body, every person had one.

With a drink in his hand, Harry went for his bedroom and took the sheets off after he set the glass on the dresser. Maybe midnight was not the best time for doing laundry but that way, it would be ready for him to hang on his balcony in the morning, letting it dry over the course of the day and he learned to take advantage of the good weather till it lasted. Who knew how many sunny days they were going to get before the rain starts pouring again?

A load of laundry was already spinning in the machine when the man went back for his drink. A wet circle uncovered when the glass was lifted, the moisture swiped with a palm before it could do any damage.

The man was on his fourth drink when he finally gathered the energy he needed to put on the new sheets. His hips swinging to the sound of music as he walked to his bedroom, ready for the dreaded task. His bed left somewhat made because there was no point of doing it nicely since he was going to mess it up either way.

It was a few minutes after midnight when the man heard knocking on his door, a deep sigh left his lungs when the identity of his visitor struck him. It could only be Daniel, it happened already that the man had returned even after he got to his home. Thinking it could only be that one person, Styles approached the door, still nude, with a drink in his hand.

“Did you forget something? You’re so forgetful lately, maybe there’s another reason behind it?” Brunette chuckled as he opened the door, his breath catching when he froze at the face that was less likely to be there than Jesus himself. “Louis, oh… sorry.” Harry dipped into his apartment, running to his bathroom. “Come in, please.” He shouted as he put on a robe, the dark emerald fabric, finished with gold trim made him look almost royal.

“Were you waiting for someone?” Tomlinson asked with a smirk on his face as he confidently walked into the living space. Settling on the couch as the host fixed them a drink.

“Oh, no. Not at all. I thought it might be… somebody else.” The taller man shook his head violently as he approached his visitor, placing a glass in front of him. “What brings you here? I thought I would never see you again.” The student admitted as he took a sip from his glass, his gesture mimicked by Tomlinson.

“I… don’t know. I just got into my car and an hour later I was here.” The shorter man shrugged.

“Speeding? Being naughty, aren’t we?” Harry shook his head, faux disappointed look on his face. “I’m sorry I am tipsy, it’s been a long week.” He giggled sweetly.

“No worries, I can only envy you.”

“Let’s fucking go then.” Styles clapped his hands and got up from his seat, stirring more booze into margaritas he made earlier. A full pitcher on the coffee table as he topped Louis’ glass.

“You’re insane.” Louis shook his head but he drank the contents of his glass quite quickly as if he really wanted to get drunk.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” The taller one simply shrugged.

“Beyonce?” The younger one asked; sceptical look on his face as Harry’s head was bopping in the air to the sound of music.

“It’s not mine, I promise.” The host lifted his hands in a gesture of surrounding.

“But you’re loving it. Don’t lie to me.” Men burst out laughing because that was true, Harry actually enjoyed the song very much.

Why was Louis there? Who was the man Harry anticipated? Was Louis engaged? Those questions were never asked. Men entertaining themselves with meaningless conversations as if they never separated. The banter even more natural when Louis’ level of intoxication matched with Harry’s. It was weird, they had so much to talk about. Harry’s school, Louis’ new job, even Beyonce for god’s sake!

“Is opening the door with your dick out a part of your spiritual awakening or something?” Louis chuckled as he downed another glass, the pitcher empty as they sat next to each other on a couch, the feeling of each other’s presence felt extremely natural.

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Harry grimaced and crossed his arms on his chest. “I’m glad that was you though, it could’ve been a neighbour. I was pretty noisy before you came.” A sigh of relief seeped through Styles’ mouth when he realized that it could have been, in fact, his next-door neighbour that he had an ongoing feud with. The one that had a habit of dragging her kids every single time she came with a complaint. The ending of that encounter most likely not as pleasurable as this little chat he had with Louis.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before.” Tomlinson shrugged and his eyes unwillingly travelled lower, he was caught red-handed staring somewhere where he definitely should not be staring as a straight man he was claiming to be. His lips licked obscenely. “What were you doing that was so noisy?” Louis inquired giving his companion a suspicious look.

“Laundry.” The host deadpanned. “I know it’s late, don’t scold me.” He murmured.

“I was not going to, by no means.” Louis shook his head. “You have someone.” An unexpected sigh left his lips after he stated the obvious.

“I… it’s complicated.” Styles lied, not sure why he did that. The scariest thing was how easy it came to him. How he just renounced his man altogether. “You’re staring Louis.” The man snickered, his companion’s eyes travelled up to his face.

“Maybe I wouldn’t…” The visitor pressed himself closer, grabbing the flaps of Harry’s robe and closing them. “If you weren’t exposing yourself before me, you fucking tease.” Lou sighed, the hot air coming from his nostrils grazed the exposed skin of brunette’s chest.

The last of Styles’ common sense was replaced with the heat brought by the booze, the feeling amplified by the presence of a man who he was still so attracted to. Something even hotter with the way half of his face was covered with scruffy, unkempt stubble. This was not the boy he had to take care of. It was a man, something threatening about the way he gazed at the host, provoking a reaction with his intense stare.

But Harry did not budge. Instead, he joined the game. Delicately grabbing the strap keeping his robe together and untied it, the flaps of heavy material falling open, revealing everything that was to see, well… almost everything.

Louis’ breath caught in his throat as he admired the sight before him. Not even trying to pretend he wasn’t staring. The provocative pose Harry had settled himself in was the last straw, Louis gave up. Cursing his weakness out in his mind as he straddled his ex’s lap; his lips devouring his lover’s. The tongues were rubbing against each other in a straining battle, neither of them wanted to surrender to the other.

It was only when Tomlinson’s hips started rolling, prominent bottom pressed hard to his stiffening cock when Harry finally gave way, letting his companion take over the passionate kiss. Their breaths heavy as they tried to stay connected.

Restless hands wandering over the smaller man’s body until Harry found what he was looking for and slid his big palms under his partner’s t-shirt. An electric shock passed their bodies as the bare skin touched after such a long time. The chemistry was undeniable, Harry was so hot for the man who kept grinding on him, clearly equally as turned on as the man whose cock painfully weighed on his thigh.

Animal-like growl got lost in Harry’s mouth when his hand dropped to Louis’ crotch, rubbing the stiffening erection through his pants. The guest quickly took his shirt off, exposing his chest that was nowhere close to as smooth as the student remembered it to be. He nuzzled his nose in the patch of hair covering the middle of it and savoured the scent that despite the time that had passed, was still the same. If anything, it was even more potent, intoxicating.

“I will rip you to shreds.” Louis growled into Harry’s ear and nibbled on the lobe. Sliding down his body, leaving a trail of maroon marks across Styles’ skin, ones he received so willingly, not even thinking how he’d explain them to Daniel. That man did not exist for him, not now. Not when Louis made such a sweet promise.

“Let me take care of you.” Harry begged as his lover has knelt between his legs which he threw open for ease of access. Swollen lips nibbling on the skin of man’s inner thigh, his body heavily scented with his own, personal blend. Surfaced on his skin with a layer of moisture summoned by Louis' touch, the man now was savouring the familiar fragrance, his nose pressed to Harry’s groin as he inhaled sharply. “Louis, please.” The man pleaded.

“We do as I please.” Another growl seeped through Tomlinson’s teeth, making brunette’s body shiver with excitement. Even more silky substance spilt out of his slit that begged to be taken care of. Throbbing, red… desperate.

“Take me, Louis, please.” Yet another pathetic whine has left Styles’ lips. He bit down on his bottom lip not to come before he was even touched. Something extremely arousing about his ex, marking his skin in such an intimate way. “Oh.” Harry whimpered when Lou’s finger slid down his cock, the subject itself twitching violently at the smallest of a touch. It didn’t take long for his head to slip into the heat of Louis' mouth, a slim tongue focused on tasting every last drop that had been spilt for the man to taste. “Fuck.” Haz cursed, grabbing on the pillow which he now squeezed until his knuckles whitened. It was already too much and Louis has barely done anything.

But then the head started bobbing up and down the length, restless fingers stimulating the part that did not make it past the lips. The tongue swivelled just the way it did before, making the partner enter another dimension, a sensation unholy, yet so god-like as he was sucked off by a man who claimed to have no interest in men. Those were not the things straight men should be doing. They should not even know how to do those things. Yet, Louis did know. He did it so well.

“So, you’re going to come for me or not?” Tomlinson asked, his fingers slowly creeping past Harry’s tight opening. Brunette’s head shook violently as he bit on his lip, drawing blood. “Fine.” The man growled and dipped his head down yet again, devouring almost the entirety of his partner’s shaft as he tried not to choke. His fingers scissoring inside of the man, spreading him open for Louis to take.

A pathetic cry had emerged from Styles’ gut as Louis sucked on him harder, his tongue efficiently drying every drop of clear liquid leaking from his tip, by the amount he could tell the man was close, no matter how stubborn he was, it was not going to be long before he comes.

Louis’ slipped his third finger past Harry’s rim and shoved them deeper than before, prodding at man’s prostate as he screamed, the sound muffled by a pillow; his back arched, pushing the cock deeper into the throat, willing to accommodate him almost whole. The length twitched and a warm, viscous liquid started slipping down Tomlinson’s irritated throat.

“No?” The man chuckled when he was given a defeated look in response. Then he dipped his head again, pressing his tongue tightly to the underside of his partner’s cock, sucking on it, not letting it go limp. It didn’t, Harry was yet again whining, his hips rolled as he wanted to feel Louis’ fingers deeper. It was not enough, fingers were not going to be enough.

The tongue wandered further back, the tip sinking ever so slightly past the rim when Louis licked around his fingers, a wet sensation made Styles’ head spin like it never did before. Not even with Louis himself. It was different, the way he wanted to feel him, it was way past sexual pleasure at that point. Every cell of his body craved Louis, he wanted to fully submit himself to the man. And so, he did.

“What about now? Are you going to come when I ask you to?” Harry whimpered, embarrassed to say that he has already spilt all over his belly. A wet stain licked off when Louis noticed it. “Jesus, you’re so horny, aren’t you?” Brunette just nodded, needy whine seeped through his nostrils. His erection not going down even though he climaxed two times already. “Bed?” Another nod.

Unwillingly, Louis had slipped his fingers out of his partner, the man leading him to the bedroom. A heated body clashed with the coldness of silky bedding, a pleasant sensation as he settled on the pillows, getting ready to be taken.

“Not like that, get on your knees.” Tomlinson instructed and his partner complied, his knees slipped on silky sheets, leaving him more and more open, allowing Louis better access. The man now fully nude as well. His face stuck between the cheeks as he licked the rosebud passionately, making Harry’s eyesight go hazy, his legs weak as he was worked open.

“Fuck me, Louis… please.” Styles pleaded desperately, his eyes watered from the need he felt inside of him. So unfamiliar to anything he ever felt.

“You want my cock?” Tomlinson asked, a smug smirk on his face before he returned to rimming his lover.

“Yes, yes… please.” Styles voice choked as he thrust his hips to get Louis’ tongue where he wanted it.

“Stay still, we do as I please, remember?” Harry felt a slap on his right cheek, a bright red shape surfacing where the delicate skin made contact with Louis’ rough palm. Tomlinson knelt behind his partner, his cock hardest it has been in months when he teased his partner by grazing his rim with just the tip, lubricating the opening liberally with the clear substance collected around it.

Harry’s hands fell on the sheets when he felt the tip pressing against his hole. He wanted Louis to fill the craving he was feeling. It was only him who could supply what he needed. His face pressed to the cold sheet, tears filling his hazy eyes, back arched in a vulgar pose when he tried to sink Louis inside of him, unsuccessfully.

“Don’t move.” Louis growled when his lover tried to take matters in his own hands. “Who fucks you better Harry? Is he better than me?” The man kept growling, something primal about the way he claimed his territory, tried to get his lover to admit things he already knew by the way his body reacted to the touch. “Is he?!” Tomlinson hurried the man up.

“Nnn… No, Louis no. Nobody does...” The man whined, his stance fully submissive. “Please, Louis.” Harry cried, his tears soaking up in the sheets he just changed.

“You’re such a good boy, Harry.” Louis grabbed the base of his own cock and aligned it with Harry’s opening. Slipping it in, slowly. Letting the man under him get used to the tip filling him before he pushed himself deeper.

“Fuuuck.” Styles screamed into the pillow at the first thrust, Louis’ thighs fully pressed to his partner’s; his cock balls-deep into the heat he craved for so long.

“I thought you were a good boy, aren’t you Harry?” The man grasped a handful of Styles’ dark hair and pulled him back, his kneeling body back to being supported on his hands.

“I am, I am a good boy. Please.” Styles whined when his lover stopped moving. “I am sorry, I am so sorry. Please don’t stop.” He begged, feeling everything at once as his cock leaked on clean sheets.

“Good boy.” Louis’ thrusts grew faster, his hand followed Harry’s jaw and when it finally got to his neck, the palm grasped tightly on brunette’s throat, obstructing his airflow as he was getting fucked, lewd noise emerging every time their skin slapped together, filling Styles deeper than before. Harry felt that Louis was bigger than he used to get, that’s because he was ravenous, craving the heat that accommodated him even more than he was craved himself.

Styles struggled and Tomlinson let him catch a breath only to choke him yet again. His hand pressed tightly to his larynx as his heat was pumped aggressively.

"I will make you not want any other cock but mine, Harry. You will not let that guy touch you, you're mine. Do you understand?" The older man fought for breath, his face more and more flushed with every passing second." Do you understand? " Louis repeated himself as he didn't get an answer, brunette nodding frantically; Tomlinson’s grasp loosened, permitting the man kneeling in front of him to inhale. 

Harry fell on the bedding, his body limp as he was still getting pounded; Louis’ hips lowered as he proceeded to take what was his. He felt his body shudder before his hot come shoot into his lover’s strained hole, a loud whimper leaving Styles’ mouth agape as he felt warm substance coating him inside before Louis had slipped out.

“You’ve made a mess, Harry.” Louis shook his head in disappointment broken with a smirk, a big stain consisting of two full climaxes the man had leaked presented proudly on the bedding. “Look what a beautiful mess you've made. You were such a good boy today, oh Harry.” Louis took the duvet off the bed and brought them a blanket. Stretching it over his partner’s body. Sore in the best kind of way when he pressed his back to the belly of a man that made him feel so many things at once. He was slowly getting back to reality but he fell asleep before he could complete the task. His body was drained and so was his cock. The unexpected encounter with that unknown side of Louis had been everything he never knew he wanted…

~*~

“We shouldn’t have done it, Harry. We’re bad, we’re so bad.” Louis shook his head as he whined deeply, his lips brushing against his partner’s who tried to catch them but to no avail. 

“You realize how ridiculous you sound right now?” Styles only chuckled and threw his head back; his legs clasping tighter around the man who was deep inside of him. An unexplainable need to feel him even closer, for their bodies to merge together took over his mind as he felt so good, so safe under the man who visited him just last night but never left.

Harry regretted nothing, he felt that he’s right where he wanted to be. In the company of a man, he’d spend the rest of his life with if it was his decision. It wasn’t. That’s why he enjoyed the moment. Long strokes of Louis’ hips made him go ballistic, it was so different than the night before. Nowhere as filthy, yet still very much primal. Their bodies just craved one another, that was undeniable ever since Tomlinson stepped his foot into Styles’ apartment for the first time.

Louis was a bit uneasy about the situation they found themselves in. Consistently repeating how bad they were for doing that to their partners, evil. But the truth was that Harry didn’t mind being evil with Louis, the eternal damnation seemed to be a small price he’d have to pay for the way he’s been feeling when the man touched him, he’d do anything to make this last.

“Let it go, Louis. We’re here, we’re doing this, it’s beautiful. I want you, you want me… there’s nothing wrong about this.” Harry slipped his finger into his partner’s mouth, parting his lips to grant himself an entrance; his thumb sucked on when he tried to retrieve it. Tomlinson’s eyelids dropped, his hand found their way to Styles’ and their fingers intertwined as his thrusts slowed down, each and every one thought out, giving them both the most pleasure. “Come for me, Louis.” Harry pleaded and started rolling his hips to match his lover’s movements. His lips pressed to Lou’s as he slipped his tongue past parted lips, his thumb abandoned as the man’s interest shifted to another object.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Harry.” The smaller man murmured into his partner’s mouth his reaction caused a smug smirk to appear on Styles’ face.

“Yes, baby. I’m here, I’m yours.” Brunette whispered, a shiver travelling through his body as his painful erection spilt between their bellies. The softest whimpers Louis had ever heard had unleashed his own climax, hot seed filling every crevice of his partner’s hole. Few soft strokes and he slipped out, falling right next to his lover, their breaths so uneven, yet so synchronized when they let their bodies mend.

“What are we doing, Harry?” Louis asked, his lips curved upwards when he admired the sight right in front of him. The man he longed for every time they separated was finally there, sprawled just next to him, his body shaky, breath shallow as he glistened gloriously in the beams of sun which peeped at them through the window.

“Doesn’t it just feel so right?” Styles finally asked when he turned on his side, his fingers coming into contact with the skin of Louis’ side as he grazed it ever so slightly with his middle and ring fingers. The smaller man squirmed just a bit at the touch before he fully succumbed to the simple pleasure. He felt so adored, he felt like the most beautiful creature when he was with Harry. The ease with which brunette made him feel so important was astounding. And it was only him who had that power, he hasn’t felt those things ever since he was with that man for the last time.

“What are we going to do?” Tomlinson whispered, his own fingers dragging along Harry’s chest as he was tormented with thoughts. He felt so wrong, he shouldn’t have come here. He didn’t even know why he chose to visit, the decision seemed to be made without his knowledge, just a subconscious itch that needed to be scratched. A desperate need of attention, love that Nellie could never give him.

“I am going to take a shower, would you care to join me?” The host proposed and lazily slid off the bed, reaching his hand for Louis who caught it, his body being lifted by his companion.

“How do you even have stamina for all of this?” The guest asked when he felt a nude thigh rubbing against his crotch as the shower was getting hot. Harry’s lips pressed against Lou’s when brunette caused Tomlinson’s length to perk up yet again, his own lazily stiffening between his legs as he watched Louis’ body react to him.

“I’m not wasting any time, not today. I need to enjoy before you slip away again.” Styles murmured, his face buried between the smaller man’s legs as he enjoyed the moment. “Hop in, you’re going to squeal for me, baby.” The older man instructed, Louis complied; leaving Harry kneeling before he got up and joined his lover, taking it upon himself to shower the smaller guy thoroughly, not taking his hands off him for a single second as the terrifying thought of separation was creeping up on both of them. Neither willing to let go and come back to reality without one another.

“Can you stay with me one more night?” Harry whispered, his head resting on Louis’ chest, his partner’s fingers grazing his scalp delicately.

“And then what?” Tomlinson asked; a deep sigh lifted brunette’s head. “We are crazy, Harry.”

“I don’t care what happens later. Just this one night. I will let you go if you choose to leave, but I don’t want you to. Not yet.” Tears glistened in the dark, frantic blinking rid the green eyes of the wetness. The inevitable parting was absolutely terrifying, he was not ready. But was he ever going to be ready?

“You’re shivering, are you cold?” Louis brushed over the topic and stuck his flattened palm to Harry’s bare chest. It quivered ever so slightly under his touch, the reason couldn’t be further from the one Lou has guessed.

“No, I just… I just feel so many things at once, Louis.” The taller man admitted, his hands trembling as he grazed the soft skin under his fingers. “I’m overwhelmed.” 

“Are those good things?” Tomlinson asked, his hand still dug in the dark hair as he stroked his man soothingly. He, better than anyone else knew how Harry felt.

“Mostly. Louis…” Host’s voice choked up as he called for his lover. “I don’t want you to go. Please.” Student pleaded.

“Believe me, I don’t want this as much as you. Or more.” Harry shook his head in silent denial. 

“Then stay, come back.” A hopeful proposition slipped through brunette’s lips; the man pressed a loving kiss to his partner’s chest. The innocent softness of the moment made him genuinely think that there was a chance he’d say yes. Even if the chance was microscopical, he was going to ask.

“We’ve been through this Harry. We’d just end up hurting each other over again. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to ever see you in the state you were in when I left. You’re happy, you’re doing well. You don’t need me, baby. You have a boyfriend who treats you well. He’s good for you. Better than I ever was.” Louis tried not to give away how much the words he spoke hurt him. The fact that he knew he was right made things even worse.

He was a horrible person. Selfish. He left his girlfriend at home, one of the sweetest people he ever met and went to the guy he should’ve left alone months ago. He played with Harry’s feelings, seeing him like that… vulnerable, so desperate to keep him for just a little bit longer. He didn’t deserve the treatment he got from the man. He didn’t deserve the hands that clung to his body for dear life, he didn’t deserve the unconditional trust Styles put in him even after everything Lou had ever done to mess up his life. Just as he was doing right at the moment, putting a huge question mark on Harry’s relationship, a healthy one because he just couldn’t let him go.

“I am not happy, Louis. I wasn’t for a long time.” Styles sighed. “Just tell me that you don’t want me, don’t try to make it about me because it’s not.”

“This is much more complicated than you think it is.” Louis murmured, his lips pressed to the top of his lover’s head as he kissed it in a loving gesture.

“It’s only complicated because we keep making it like that.” Harry shifted in his place and sat on the edge of his mattress. “I’m hungry. Are you?” He asked, his back turned to the man who simply could not take his eyes off the brunette, even if only to stare at his pale back.

“Get dressed, I’m taking you out.” Louis sprung out of the bed and started putting his wrinkled clothes on. “I will not take you to McDonald’s.” The man scoffed when he saw a smug smirk on Harry’s lips. His widening grin further proved that he correctly guessed what was crossing brunette’s mind. He approached his lover and climbed on his tippy toes, pinching blushed cheeks as he admired the beloved face. “I will stay the night, Harry. If you still want me to, of course.” The dimples in Styles’ cheeks grew even deeper as his face was pulled into the kiss, one so soft and intimate his heart skipped a bit.

“You can’t wear that.” Brunette commented on the unacceptable state of Lou’s t-shirt. “It looks like it’s been chewed up.” He chuckled and grabbed a hem of the top, the younger man’s hands flew up as he let his ex undress him. 

“I look like a baby in this.” Tomlinson complained when Harry had slipped a simple long sleeve on his torso, the sleeves covering his palms completely, leaving a bit of overhang. He was sure that Styles had something smaller but just chose to give him the biggest piece of clothing he owned.

“You’re right. You look adorable.” The taller man smiled and continued sorting himself out before they left the building; headed to Lou’s car where Harry took the passenger’s place. 

“You’re like a whole another person, I don’t even recognize you anymore.” Harry chuckled when Louis’ fingers grazed his, both placed on the table for everybody to see when they waited for their order.

“Took me long enough to understand what actually matters.” He smiled sweetly at the man who nibbled on a piece of bread. “This… all those people do not.” 

“I’m glad you’re doing so well. I’m proud of you Lou, I really am.” 

“Are you sure you’re safe in here? I wouldn’t want you to have any problems after I leave.” Tomlinson asked as he looked around, nervous but for a whole another reason than when he used to go out with his lover before.

“Dan’s at work, it’s fine. He has no reason to be in here.” Styles reassured; his tone subdued after the remark of an inevitable parting. “Let’s not talk about him, let’s not worry today. It’s a good day, we’re together and it’s all that matters.”

“What if I’m not here, tomorrow?” 

“Then I’ll worry.” Brunette chuckled bitterly, his fingers brushing against Lou’s, their thumbs wrestling one another.

“What if I don’t want you to worry?” 

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do about that.” Styles shrugged. “Well, there is but that’s not an option.” Their hands separated when the waiter brought their dishes accompanied by their beverages of choice. As soon as they stopped touching, their legs twisted together under the table, taking advantage of every second they had left in each other's company. 

“This looks delicious, thank you.” Louis addressed the waiter who smiled at them.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” The man asked, his long, blonde locks gathered in a bun.

“Thank you, we’re good for now. We will call if we need assistance.” The blonde nodded and left them to their own devices. “This looks nice.” The man grabbed the cutlery and stabbed a piece of stuffed pasta he had on his plate. Instead of bringing it to his mouth immediately, he offered it to his companion to try.

“It has blue cheese in the filling.” Brunette observed as he chewed on his bite.

“I don’t mind it now.” Louis smiled proudly. “I’m a big man now, not a baby. 

“I don’t know. You still look like a baby to me.” Styles wrapped a nest of his pasta around the fork before he brought it to his lover’s mouth. 

“This is nice.” He admitted. “Yours is better though.” 

“Yeah, right.” Brunette rolled his eyes and they focused on their meal.

“I’m not lying, nobody does it better than you.” Tomlinson complimented the older man, the ambivalence of his statement very much intended. “Whatever happened to that Alex guy?” He asked when their conversation died just a bit.

“Well, Zayn begged me to finally tell him I’m not interested and I did, he bounced right after.” 

“Oh, how is Zayn doing? Is he still with the cop?” Another question, Harry’s eyes flickered in the dim lighting when he heard his friend’s name.

“Liam, yes. They’re together, I don’t think they ever fight. I think we’re looking forward to an engagement.”

“Zayn? Engaged? Please.” Lou scoffed, a smug smirk on his lips when he sipped his coffee. It was late, yes but he did not intend on falling asleep that night.

“Well… Zayn won’t propose, that’s out of the question. But I don’t think he’d reject if he was proposed to. Liam is a teddy, I know he’s thinking about this.” 

“What about school? Does he study like you do?” 

“No, no. He finished when we graduated. He works in Pakistani Consulate. I don’t remember what he does exactly, sorry.”

“Zayn? With an office job? I’d love to see that.” Louis laughed again, he couldn’t imagine his old friend working a boring office gig, that was the last thing he would predict in Malik’s future.

“There’s a time all of us have to grow up, Louis. He wouldn’t make a living painting walls in abandoned buildings. I’m still living the dream, delusion at this point, to be honest. At the end of the day, I will end up working in some restaurant, regretting wasting so much time on painting.” Harry’s face fell when he imagined his future. Louis’ fingers touched his, causing the green eyes to meet with the blue ones. 

“You’re not wasting time if you’re doing something you love. You’re talented, you’ve sold your paintings for so much money already without any publication. You’re destined for great things. So extraordinary.” Tomlinson tried to cheer his companion up, he meant what he said and it showed. That’s why a smile broke the solemn atmosphere, Harry’s cheeks dimpled sweetly.

“You’re full of shit.” The emerald eyes rolled to the ceiling.

“Even if you ended up working in the restaurant, would it be that bad? You love cooking, you’re a good chef.”

“Stoop.” Harry chuckled, his cheeks blushed. “Are you done? Can we go?” He inspected empty plates ahead of each of them.

“What about dessert? You don’t want something sweet?” 

“Oh, I do want something sweet. And I will get it, don’t you worry about it.” The taller man licked his lips obscenely, Lou’s foot kicking him under the table as a warning.

“Can you promise me something, Louis?” Harry lifted his head off his lover’s shoulder, an intense gaze piercing those blue eyes, foggy from the overwhelming stimulation he felt when his lover rode him.

“I will promise you anything when you look so beautiful on me.” The younger one panted, his lips trying to get ahold of Styles’ but to no avail. 

“Then do.” Brunette insisted. “Promise you will come back. I don’t care if it’s in a week, in a month, a year or twenty… If you have to, lie to me but say that you will come back.” Brunette whined, something very much desperate manifested in his voice; his back arched as he felt Louis’ tip hitting his tender spot. Short nails digging in the skin of his back further amplifying the high he was experiencing, his hips circled with Lou’s shaft still inside, as far as it went as both men panted heavily. Styles’ legs grew weaker, a few lazy movements and he felt as Lou filled him with warmth, a weak moan brushed against brunette’s ear when his partner’s body trembled.

“I promise Harry, I will come back to you. I always will.” Louis nearly cried into his lover’s ear, a gust of hot air heated the lobe as it was being sucked on. The empty promise enough to bring Harry over the edge, two strings of milky substance slid down Tomlinson’s navel when his partner shot on his belly, each spill less and less copious since his body couldn’t keep up with the demand.

“I don’t want to go to sleep Louis.” Harry whispered; his forehead supported on his lover’s shoulder as they were winding down after the exhausting activity, especially on brunette’s part. His legs sore as he let them rest, straddling his guest, still filled by his softening shaft.

“Then we won’t go to sleep today. Why do you think I’ve ordered that coffee?” Louis chuckled at a smiling face; a heated cheek pressed to his own before Harry’s body straightened. Short fingers clung to the soft skin as Tomlinson couldn’t get enough. “I’m so sorry, I’ve scratched you too hard.” The man apologized honestly when he noticed blood collected under his fingernails. “So sorry.” 

“You haven’t scratched me hard enough, you don’t have to keep yourself in check when you’re with me, remember?” Styles grazed a scar he had on his wrist. One that not too many people knew the origin of. Only three of Louis’ teeth left a permanent mark on pale skin; including that cute crooked one, Harry loved so much.

“You can’t excuse me being violent, never.” Tomlinson shook his head.

“It’s not violence if I like it.” Harry smirked. “And you know I love it.”

  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

“ _See? You said I can do nothing about you worrying._ ” Harry smiled at the text message, one of the dozens he received throughout the evening.

“ _You’ve exceeded the expectations. God, I want you here._ ” He responded and slid his phone on the table, screen down since he knew he’d get in trouble if anybody found out who he was texting.

“He can join us if you want, you don’t have to text each other the entire evening.” Zayn scoffed, giving Harry a look. If he only knew… the angry look would pierce through Styles’ head.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen Dan in a long time.” Eden joined. “Tell him to bring the dogs!” 

“He’s working late, sorry.” Harry lied to his friends, that one went straight to his conscience. As much as lying to Daniel didn’t affect him that much, he really hated being dishonest with his friends, even when those were just meaningless, white lies. Lies are lies, that’s what Styles has been taught by his parents. 

“Next time.” Eden insisted.

“Sure.” Another lie, well… maybe not a lie. Harry doubted that his relationship would last to his next hangout with friends. How could he go back to that man after everything that happened during the weekend?

“ _Do I look hot?_ ” The brunette opened another message, a selfie made him chuckle. Louis’ face in his staple blue steel Harry was already familiar with. The main event being the beard that was trimmed Hulk Hogan style, successfully taking student’s mind off the yearning he felt, even though it was less than twenty-four hours since Louis left.

“ _So hot, daddy!_ ” The man sent his answer, adding a few suggestive emoticons in the end. “ _No, abort. Please don’t make this a thing, I regret everything._ ” He typed quickly.

“Can you PLEASE, put your phone down for a minute?” Zayn scolded his friend, and Harry only nodded in response.

“ _Daddy… I like it._ ” The text read, Harry snickered under his breath.

“ _Zayn is making me put the phone down. I’m sorry._ ” He sent, attaching a sad emoji.

“ _Tell him I said hi._ ” Louis joked. “ _Call me later, I won’t go to sleep until I get a goodnight._ ” The message read, then Harry could finally put his phone down and focus on his company.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been awful today. I’m all yours now.” Harry apologized to his friends.

“Yay.” Zayn rolled his eyes. “Why are you so chatty all of a sudden? You’re never texting him when we’re together.” His brown eyes lifted, head twisted as he looked at his partner who brought their dinner to the table. “Thank you, baby.”

The most sincere smile grew on the officer’s face when he sat on the loveseat next to his man who was now devouring his creation.

“Nothing happened, don’t worry about it.” Harry shrugged and reached for his plate. “Oh, that’s so good.” He complimented their friend, knowing himself the best how much he liked when people appreciated his cooking. Liam just smiled at him, his cheeks full of food.

-

“Louis? What are you doing in there so long?” The man heard a familiar voice behind the door of a bathroom he had locked himself in.

“I’m shaving, sorry. Do you want to come in?” He asked as he thoroughly wiped the counter off the hair he’s been getting rid of. Those from his face, and his nether regions. Now he was back to feeling his best self, finally having a reason to groom himself properly. While Harry seemed like he couldn’t care less, it was better for Lou’s confidence when he was trimmed.

“Finally.” Nellie sighed, she was the leader of the beard haters club. “No, I don’t. Take your time. I’m going to sleep.”

“Okay, darling. Goodnight.” He exclaimed, but he didn’t get a response. 

As soon as Louis made sure he didn’t leave a mess behind, he hopped into the shower. A heavy weight started growing between his legs when he unwillingly reminisced about the showers he took over the course of last weekend. His visit “at Niall’s”, left a lot of pleasant memories ready to be relived until he could come back for more. And he was coming back, just as he promised.

The shower was cut short since Louis was awaiting a call, his erection completely ignored when he was putting his clothes back on. The phone vibrated violently on the counter, announcing a message.

“ _’m almost home, are you still awake?_ ” The message read, his lips curving upwards when he saw Harry’s name on his screen.

“ _I am, I promised._ ” He answered and left the foggy bathroom. With Harry having announced himself already, Lou quickly travelled to the back door; his feet put into the slippers as he left to the backyard of Doncaster house he was renting with Nellie. He just laid on the garden swing as he waited for a call, his eyes stuck to the stars as he smiled in anticipation. 

But then it happened, Lou’s phone vibrated on his chest and his hand bolted to answer it. Nobody was saying anything but there was an audible giggling on the other side, one that made Tomlinson’s heart flutter.

“ _Hello… daddy_.” The deep voice emerged through the laughter, the sweet sound replaced by a groan of distaste, Harry still not warmed up to the new nickname he came up with.

“ _Oh, I love it._ ” Lou chuckled. “ _How was your day? What have you been up to?_ ” He asked, showing genuine interest.

“ _Lonely._ ” 

“ _You were with people just a second ago._ ” 

“ _I knooow._ ” Harry whined, and his friend coculd picture the pout that was now on his face. “ _I was at school. Then I ate and I went to Zayn’s and Liam’s and I ate there too. And we smoked, and I missed you. Very much. They thought I was texting Daniel this whole time._ ” A deep chuckle emerged on the other side. “ _Zayn got so mad at me._ ”

“ _What did you eat, was it good?_ ” He asked. “ _Maybe you should pay attention to your friends next time, don’t be rude, I'm still going to have to win him back eventually._ ” Tomlinson fake-scolded his friend whose hear might have skipped a beat at the single thought of Louis' and Zayn's reunion. Not that he cared especially extremely about the duo's friendship. Well... he did, he secretly loved how the two of them were the most annoying little shits once together. But then, even the fact that Louis as little as thought of getting the gang together, could only mean that he was, in fact, serious about this, somehow this more convincing than all the times he reassured Harry that he wasn't going to leave.

“ _I ate ramen at home, that shitty one you like._ ” Styles announced. “ _It was bad… But then Liam made some steak and it was very good. You’d love it._ ”

“ _Oh, I want some steak now._ ” The younger man felt his mouth water. “ _Maybe you’ll make me one when I drop by for the weekend?_ ” 

“ _You’re coming?”_ Louis could hear a breath catch in his lover’s throat. 

The reaction fully solidified the plan of spending the next weekend in Manchester. “ _I’ve promised, haven’t I?_ ” 

“ _You did._ ” Harry hummed into his phone. “ _I will cook the most delicious steak you ever had._ ” He promised.

“ _I want to go back already, I miss you._ ”

“ _Then do. There’s always a place for you in my flat… in my bed._ ” The older man sighed. “ _I should’ve given you the key._ ”

“ _Even when Daniel is there? Is there a space for me too? Are you suggesting a threesome?_ ” Louis chortled, trying to cover the sudden bitter tone in his voice when he remembered that he was not the only one who touches Harry, that he’s the other one in his life. 

“ _There’s no place for him, remember? I only want you… I only want you to touch me, to fuck me, Louis. I don’t want him, I never did._ ” Harry pleaded into the phone, his weak voice showed how submissive he was to the man he was talking to. The memory of a Friday night, joined by the borderline whining that was blessing his ears, made his cock twitch in his sweatpants.

“ _That’s unreasonable, Harry._ ” Louis murmured, trying to talk some sense into the man even though the last thing he wanted was for brunette to take his words seriously. “ _I can’t be there for you all the time, he can. You deserve so much better than me, baby_.”

“ _I don’t want better, I want you._ ” The man whispered.

“ _The masters of moving on._ ” Tomlinson laughed bitterly.

“ _Don’t you think that if we were meant to, we would have moved on already?_ ”

“ _You were so close, though and I’ve fucked everything up._ ” 

“ _Yeah, you did._ ” Styles snickered. “ _What a beautiful mess you’ve left though._ ” 

“ _It’s still a mess._ ”

“ _Where are you right now? Are you alone?_ ” The student asked.

“ _Yeah, I am, in the garden._ ” Louis admitted. “ _On a swing._ ”

“ _Are you thinking of that…_ ” 

“ _Yes_.” Tomlinson cut his lover off before he could finish a story about how they ended up fucking on one of those swings when they were left alone in Styles’ family house.

“ _Naughty._ ” Harry laughed. “ _That was a good day, wasn’t it?_ ”

“ _Very good._ ” Louis only nodded to himself. “ _Can I see you? I miss your face._ ” He asked and the connection was lost, only to return a few seconds later, bringing a visual treat to his eyes.

“ _Hello_.” The brunette grinned at his lover, deep dimples pulling Louis’ focus. “ _If I squint really hard…_ ” His emerald pupils almost completely disappeared under his eyelids. “ _I can kinda see you._ ”

“ _Oh, you can?_ ” Louis mocked. 

“ _Yeah, you look hot._ ” Styles bit his bottom lip.

“ _You’re so silly._ ” The older one shook his head. 

“ _Why’d you shave?_ ” 

“ _I wanted to be pretty for you._ ” The smaller man chuckled. “ _At least prettier, it doesn’t get anywhere close as good as what I’m looking at._ ”

“ _I like the stubble, looks good on you._ ” 

“ _I thought you liked when I was soft and smooth, like your good boy._ ” 

“ _A good boy wouldn’t spank me like that, that’s what daddy would do._ ” Harry, once again grimaced at his own words. “ _I can’t do this, this is wrong. I am disturbed._ ” 

“ _I don't hate it._ ” Louis shrugged. “ _But I don’t want to make it a thing if it makes you feel weird. There’s plenty of other names to choose._ ” 

“ _I’ll think of something before you come back._ ” Styles smiled. “ _Are you touching yourself?_ ” He asked.

“ _Not yet, but I can see you are._ ” Tomlinson snickered. “ _I thought you would have enough after however many times you came for me… at least for a bit. How many times it was, do you happen to know by any chance?_ ” He kept reminiscing every time he made his lover climax, there was a lot of those times; making the younger one feel pretty proud of himself.

Bashful, the student covered his face with a sheet for a quick second, taking it off imediately when he heard a displeased groan from the other side. “ _I lost count after eleven._ ” 

“ _Beautiful._ ”

“ _Is Niall in on this?_ ” Harry asked, a worried tone in his voice as his face fell.

“ _No, he’s not._ ”

“ _So, you’re just playing with fire?_ ” 

“ _Yeah, I am._ ” He laughed. “ _Doesn’t this only make everything more exciting?_ ”

“ _I guess, I am happy as long as I get to have you. Even if it is for these calls._ ”

“ _I’m sorry._ ” Louis apologized for like the millionth time about the same thing.

“ _I knew what I was getting into, don’t worry about me. If I can’t be the only one, I can at least have this._ ” Styles pressed his lips together.

“ _Shit, sorry._ ” Tomlinson cursed when a light came on inside the house.

“ _What’s happening?_ ” 

“ _Nellie is up. I’m sorry._ ” 

“ _Don’t worry. Will you call me tomorrow? When you have time, you don’t have to but… I like hearing your voice._ ” The bunette asked, a shy smile on his face.

“ _I will, I promise. You look so pretty, baby. I’m sorry. I love you._ ” Only when he ended the call, Louis realized what he just said, and he knew he was going to hell for that. 

“What are you doing?” Louis heard the voice of his girlfriend who was looking for him.

“I was smoking, sorry darling.” He apologized and got off the swing. The lighting conditions were on his side, the dim light doing a great job of covering his boner; the length painfully swinging between his legs as he returned home.

“Come to bed.” Nellie demanded when she disappeared in their shared bedroom. 

“I’ll just brush my teeth and join you.” He excused himself for a minute, closing the door to the bedroom before he locked himself in the bathroom. The lack of time has forced him to ease his lust in the most humiliating way imaginable. He jacked off on the toilet to the thought of Harry touching himself, feeling like that pathetic teenager he used to be back in the day.

It took him a bit before he composed himself enough to join his partner in bed, her hand chasing after his as the woman clung to it, unaware of the fact that the same hand was accessory to the sin Louis committed just a moment ago.

-

“I’m sorry Daniel, I don’t have anything else to say… and I know that it doesn’t mean shit to you right now.” Harry apologized after the words that, by the reaction they got, broke Dan’s heart.

“What did I do wrong?” He just asked, his eyes teary when Styles still held his hand.

“You did nothing wrong. I’ve told you already.” Styles sighed, feeling like a complete asshole, the feeling not unfounded. He really was one. “This is more complicated than you’d ever think.” 

“I thought we were good together, is it because of school? If you don’t have time… we can work through it.” 

“No, it’s not that. You were nothing but lovely and that’s why I feel so awful right now but… perhaps I wasn’t as ready for a new relationship as I thought it was. I’m sorry, you deserve better than that Daniel, you’re truly beautiful.” Dan slipped his hand from the embrace.

“Do you have any of your things in here?” He asked, his voice cold. Harry only shook his head in denial. “Than go, you could’ve at least waited after you’ve dumped me to fuck another guy, I thought you were better than this.” Dan’s head shook in disbelief as he looked at the red mark that got exposed when the material of Styles' top shifted. 

The student didn’t say anything else, he left. The relief he thought he’d feel was overshadowed by the self-hatred he felt. Daniel’s words have made him realize that he thought better about himself too. Apparently, he wasn’t that great of a person after all. Lying to his friends, cheating on his boyfriend… that was somebody sophomore Harry would never respect and yet, he became the very thing he always hated.

“ _I don’t know if I can say that but… I really need you right now._ ” The man typed out a message, but after a lot of contemplation, he could not bring himself to send it to Louis. He needed him, yes, but that was something boyfriends were for, he didn’t have a boyfriend. Nellie had, and Styles just couldn’t deny that he was not the one Tomlinson should be comforting. He had nobody he could talk to, and that was the worst part of the situation he found himself in.

He couldn’t go to his best friend. Zayn would only end up being mad at Styles and that would make things even worse. He could probably go to Eden, he was sure she wouldn’t spill his secret to Malik if he asked her not to, but the thing with Eden was that she had limited knowledge of the things that went down between Louis and him. She didn’t even fully understand the tangled web they woven with Tomlinson and why they just couldn’t stay away from each other. That’s why he ended up going home, confiding in his dearest friend who only now made its return from the bookcase. Cream-coloured pages soaked up his every word willingly, giving his racing mind an outlet.

-

“Put your phone down for god’s sake.” Zayn snarled at his friend. He was on the edge the entire evening, and Harry had no idea what caused his irritation. He was not going to ask either if the man didn’t feel like sharing.

“I’m sorry, I’m back.” Styles slid his phone into the pocket of his pants after he excused himself to Louis, whom he was messaging back and forth with for pretty much the entire day.

“I have something for you.” Malik announced, his friend visibly confused as the shorter man went to his home studio and brought back a paper bag which he handed to Harry.

Curious, Styles opened the bag only to find his stuff inside. Stuff that he had left at Daniel’s even though he thought he didn’t.

“What are you doing, Harry?” The blue-haired man asked after he sighed deeply, exhausted with the constant Louis talks he had to endure over the course of more than two years since his friend meet that guy.

“I’m doing what feels right.” Styles answered, squirming in his seat under intensive stare received from his friend. “Oh, fuck you. Don’t give me that look, that’s exactly what you’ve told me to do!” His voice grew louder when he defended himself from unsaid judgement.

“Giving up a good thing for a guy who will never grow balls to be with you fully, is that what feels right?”

“Louis feels right, he mate. You should let him go, move on.” Malik shook his head, styled array of hair bouncing pushed by the air as he sipped his drink.

“It’s been two years. We’ve been together for nine months. Do you think we wouldn’t have moved on if that was possible?”

“I think it would be more likely to happen if you’d stop running back to him whenever your life started getting back on track.” Malik scoffed, at the same time the handle of the front door moved, Liam entering the flat.

“Am I disturbing something?” He asked uncertain, looking at two men and their serious faces when he unbuckled his belt, leaving it on the dresser as he proceeded to take off the rest of the heavier parts of his uniform.

“No, we have amazing news actually!” Malik cheered with ironic excitement. “Guess who’s back!” He looked at his partner. “Louis! Isn’t that just splendid!?” He raised his hands in faked celebration as he continued to chipper.

“Oh.” Liam could only bring himself to make a single sound. He approached his boyfriend and laid a small kiss to his lips. “Hello, Harry.” He pressed his lips together as he squeezed Styles’ hand. The atmosphere was extremely heavy, that’s why his first instinct was to get out. And that’s what he was going to do. He poured himself a glass of scotch and headed to their shared office to do... whatever with his time, he just didn't want to be there, no actual alternative for the evening.

“You don’t have to run, Liam. Come hang with us. Zayn will stop being an asshole.” Styles proposed, and Liam complied, seeming rude was the last thing he wanted.

“False, I will not stop being an asshole.” He smiled sickeningly at his best bud as he leaned into his partner’s body. “You’re a fucking masochist Harry, this will not end well.”

“It’s different this time.” The student opposed.

“Tell me, how many times have you've used that argument in his defence?” Malik asked, breathing in heavily to visualise his frustration.

“But it is different!” Styles insisted. “He took me to the restaurant, he held my hand in front of everybody. Zayn, you know that he would _never_ do that before. He changed.”

“Yeah, right. Till his yet another homophobic episode.” Malik shifted in his seat, squeezing himself deeper into his partner’s embrace. “When did you have time to do all of this anyway? Between Daniel and school?”

“Let’s just say that I had a very intensive weekend.” A proud smirk has bent student’s lips when he brought back memories of the past weekend.

“You’re playing with fire, what did he tell his girlfriend?”

“That he’s visiting Niall.” The brunette’s face fell just a bit when he admitted his lover’s lie.

“Leave him out of this, he’s an dick for even putting Niall in the position where he’d have to lie for him.” The shortest man got even more triggered.

“He doesn’t have to, Louis told him to say he’s with another friend if she ever calls, and he doesn’t even think she would ever do that.” Harry explained, sitting straight when they were bouncing arguments off of each other.

“Oh, hi. Louis can’t take your call because he’s balls deep in his ex’s asshole. Call later, please.” The ridiculous reenactment made the policeman’s lips curve to the ceiling. “Liam, please back me up on this.” He pleaded when he lost patience with his friend.

“Maybe… and don’t get mad at me.” The officer started, his face as innocent as ever when he got ready to voice an opinion that did not completely agree with his boyfriend’s. “Just _maybe_ … we should give him the benefit of the doubt? You’re not the same man you were before we met, are you?” Zayn shook his head, more in disbelief than answering the question.

“He’s still cheating on this poor girl, don’t make it seem like it’s normal.” Zayn looked at his man as he searched for support.

“No, that’s wrong and there’s no denying that.” Liam admitted.

“So, what is he exactly? Is he really bi? Does he fuck her? Eat her out? What’s up with him?” Malik asked, genuine curiosity on his face.

“Well… She’s um- _religious_.” Harry grimaced at his own words and took a swig from his bottle when he saw the look he was given.

“You’re fucking with me!” The shortest man slapped his thighs as he cackled. “Liam, am I fucking insane? This is not happening! He did just not say that.” The officer remained silent. “What the fuck? Is this a joke?” He exclaimed. Madness shone in his dark eyes as he laughed maniacally. “He’s a man who’s been known to enjoy a dick in the past and he’s ready to get engaged to a girl even though he didn’t fuck a pussy in his life? Harry, do you hear yourself?”

“Yeah, I do.” Harry joined his friend in laughter, only when Zayn put it like that, he realized how actually stupid this sounds. “He did not seem like he wasn’t enjoying himself now either.” The brunette laughed.

“What was so wrong with Daniel that he couldn’t suffice? Why do you always have to go back to that boy?” Malik shook his head slowly, defeated look on his face.

“Let’s just say that I’ve come more in that weekend alone than during a month with Daniel.” Styles boasted in front of his friends.

“You’re full of shit.” Zayn didn’t seem to believe his mate’s words.

“I’ve lost count after eleven. Bone fucking dry by the end.” The guest smirked, Liam raised his eyebrows, impressed when the number was brought up.

“So, what, it’s just sex? Again?” Malik inquired. “How many meetings until he disappears?” Another question even though he knew that Louis was not entirely responsible for bouncing the last time.

“We’ve never talked about that. He said he’d always come back.”

“This I don’t doubt, you two just can’t live without each other.” The friend sighed, his partner still silent, offering absolutely no advice but also no judgement. “I fucking hate you two, you’re the worst. Just go get fucking married and leave me the fuck alone with your relationship bullshit.” Zayn rolled his eyes.

“Do I have your blessing to keep seeing him?” Styles provoked his friend.

“I do not give a single fuck anymore. This is ridiculous and you will cry because of him and frankly? I don’t care.” Malik slapped his thighs yet again when he ended the topic.

-

“ _Tomorrow baby, I can’t wait to see you._ ” Louis whispered into the microphone as he smoked a cigarette on his swing.

“ _This is not real._ ” Harry chuckled on the other side, causing his lover to smile. “ _Am I crazy?_ ”

“ _Well, you definitely are._ ” The older man responded. _“I think we’ve established that a long time ago… I have to go, I’m sorry._ ” He apologized. “ _Can I get a picture of your beautiful face? I miss you._ ” He pleaded as he observed Nellie’s shadow in their bedroom window.

“ _You’re not tricking me into taking a selfie, Louis._ ” Styles continued laughing, the sweet sound echoing in Lou’s ears.

“ _Oh, so you’re above taking a selfie but a dick pic is okay?_ ” Tomlinson mocked his lover.

“ _You’ve gotta pick your battles._ ” Another snicker. “ _Goodnight Louis, I will be thinking about you tonight._ ”

“ _Don’t think too hard, we don’t want you drained when I come, do we?_ ” The man murmured. “ _You promised me a feast._ ”

“ _Oh, so you ask me to talk dirty while you jack off, but I can’t do the same?_ ” Harry teased, pushing an offended attitude.

“ _Don’t worry about me, there’s plenty saved up just for you._ ”

“ _This is not how testicles work Louis. We’ve been over this before._ ” Harry kept laughing, ecstatic about the upcoming visit. “ _Have a good night, and arrive hungry because those steaks are huge._ ” The students warned his lover.

“ _Damn straight I’ll be hungry. Rest well, love._ ” Louis smiled to himself when he ended their call that turned out to be longer than anticipated, their little calls extending more and more, the thirty minutes they’ve totalled that night not even close to their record and it had been only four days since they separated.

“Who were you talking to?” Nellie asked when Louis got back to his bedroom, getting straight into the bed since he’s been outside in his pyjamas.

“Niall, he had some problems getting tickets for the game but it’s all sorted now.”

“Go brush your teeth, you stink.” The girl’s face deformed when she complained about the smell of tobacco smoke. Louis knew that brushing his teeth again would not get rid of it, the odour immortalized in his skin after years of addiction. That didn’t stop his girlfriend from complaining about it every chance she got. That, on the list of other things she loved to nag about, took the very top spot. But Louis got up, yet again, like he always did and dragged his feet to the bathroom where he refreshed his breath with mouthwash.

“Would you mind if I headed to the city right after work?” The man asked as he slipped under the covers, curling his knees up to his chest in order to somehow imitate the tight embrace he loved to fall asleep in. There was no place for that in that particular bed. There was space for him, for Nellie and for Jesus, tucked comfortably right between them.

“Of course not, I’ll invite girls over for wine and gossip.” The girl chuckled. “Are you going to be away next week too? People at church have been asking about you, I’d like you to be home next time.” She complained, her fingers grazing Louis’ back ever so slightly when she reached for his hand. The man pretended like he never felt the touch, his back turned to his girlfriend as he made a bad job of hugging himself.

“I will stay if you want me to.” He answered as if it was nothing. It wasn’t. Now he had to explain to Harry why he wouldn’t be able to see him next week. The things complicated and they’ve only started seeing each other again. This is how things work when you’re living a double life, they had to either get used to that or cut ties before they got too serious. The first option was the only one Louis was willing to accept, his heart dropped to his stomach as soon as he thought about the other solution.

Nellie didn’t speak again, she breathed softly next to Louis who could only think about his lover. How safe he felt in his arms when they fell asleep, aware of each other’s every move or breath. He thought how Harry accepted him with every flaw he had, Harry never complained about his smell, he never complained about the beard. He admired even the worst of his habits, made him feel like the most important being walking the earth. He liked to feel like that, he liked to be appreciated, praised.

-

_“Are you dropping to the city by any chance?”_ Louis received a message from a person he hasn’t contacted in months, the bitter end of their last conversation still a memory he didn't like to come back to.

_“I’m on my way now actually.”_ He answered while in traffic, radio playing soft sounds of a playlist Harry had burned out for him when they still were dating. A disc he kept stuck in his radio forever, one that his girlfriend (oh, irony), loved.

_“Meet me in the bar, when can you get there?”_

 _“I’ll be there in thirty.”_ He responded while on a red light, the excitement he felt on his way to see his lover fogged up by the uncertainty caused by Zayn’s sudden message. Louis knew that the man found out about their affair, Harry apologized to him for that countless times even though it was not his fault. All Tomlinson knew was that the text did not bode well considering how things played out the last time he received a similar message.

“Hi, I’m sorry… it took longer than I’ve anticipated.” Louis apologized to the man he once called his good friend. Zayn’s stance seemed relaxed enough for the younger man to let his guard down, so he did that... well, at least attempted to.

“Don’t worry, I was late too.” He shook his companion’s hand.

“Of course, you were.” The shorter one chuckled.

“I’m not here to fight, I just want to talk.” Malik raised his hands in a gesture of surrender when his old mate sat down opposite of him. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“No, thank you.” Lou shook his head. “What prompted this?” He asked with his brows furrowed, acting clueless.

“I’m trying to understand something and I hoped you’d explain the issue to me.” Zayn started when he took a sip of his coke. Louis swallowed hard when he realized that he does not have an answer to an obvious question his companion was going to ask him.

“Go ahead.” He shrugged, arms crossed on his chest.

“What is this? Why come back now?” Louis’ silhouette tensed up when a variation on the exact question he’d been expecting was asked. He inhaled slowly while he tried to gather his thoughts.

“Just so you know, this answer is shitty and probably won’t satisfy you.” Corners of Louis’ lips twitched just a bit. “But that’s only because my reason is shitty. It just comes down to the fact that I want him in my life.” Louis sighed realizing how selfish he sounds.

“Sometimes you can’t have everything you want, Louis. Sometimes you just have to take one for the team and leave. Like you did back then.” Zayn shook his head slowly, reminding his younger friend of the last chat their had as if it was needed. “Why return now?”

“When my mom died…” The shorter one inhaled sharply, stopping incoming condolences with a gesture of a hand. “I realized that I don’t have anyone to talk to. You know, _really_ talk to. Like I did with Harry, even you for that matter.” He exhaled slowly. “And I felt so lonely… My sisters were there for me, they always are, but I had to be strong for them, I couldn't be always honest. With Harry… I never had to be strong, I could be weak and he’d carry us both, and I’d do the same when he was down. And as much as I've tried to deny that I did, I needed that at the moment. But then he came to the funeral and I was so furious at him.” Louis chuckled at his own stupidity. “I thought he did that to boast how good he’s doing. How handsome he looked, how happy he was when I was in pieces. I truly thought that it was his reason to come all the way to Doncaster. As if I never knew him.” He shook his head, still smiling.

“Why did you come to his hotel then? Why did you search for him? He couldn’t have been that easy to find.” The companion inquired, emptying the beverage that became flat as the story progressed.

“Because I was looking to pick a fight. I needed to get some things off my chest and he just happened to be there to be the scapegoat I needed.”

“That worked perfectly…” Malik shook his head in, mocking as he waited for the rest.

“But he was so sweet, I ate his dinner and we just sat there. He listened, and that’s what I needed… and then I’ve learned about that man, Daniel.” Louis sighed, his eyes squinted just a bit at the thought of the man his lover was dating. “I’ve congratulated him, I said I was happy that he finally moved on, but then I got back home and almost punched a hole in the wall. I was so angry.” The younger one shook his head yet again. “I could not bear the thought of another man touching him. I know he’s been sleeping around before but neither of those people was serious, this time was different. I could not shake this irrational feeling of betrayal for so long. And then I broke. I got into my car and drove until I got to his building, I don’t even know when I’ve decided to go to see him.” He shrugged.

“And what then? What now?” Zayn asked a difficult question. “Why not drop everything you have with that girl and come back? Louis, we both know this whole bi thing is a bunch of bullshit.” The man rolled his brown eyes to the ceiling. “You know he’d take you back in a heartbeat, this is everything he always wanted, and as much as he pisses me off with how whipped he is for you, I can’t deny that he looks happy. He _is_ happy.”

“I’ve wasted so much of her time with my lies, she doesn’t even know that I’ve been… _exploring_ before.” Both men smirked. “And now I feel like I at least owe her following through with my promise. She wants to get married and I… I think it’s too late to turn back.” The shorter man sighed, his voice barely audible in a bar that was close to empty.

“It’s not too late until there’s a ring on your finger, Louis.” Malik stated. “Hell, I don’t think it would be too late if there was one. Not for Harry.”

“You might be right about that.” Blue eyes squinted when the man smiled sombrely.

“What about his time that you’ve wasted? Your own?” Another sigh left Tomlinson’s gut when the question dawned on him. “Don’t you think you’re wasting more of her time by actually following through? You will never be able to give her what she wants. Okay, maybe you can get through the sex part… and whatever you may be thinking it’s not similar at all.” Louis chuckled because that was exactly what he thought. “She’s going to want to have your children, raise them in a happy family. How could those kids ever be happy if their parents’ marriage is fictional? Are you going to make those trips to Manchester forever? Make Harry’s life revolve around those visits? You know he won’t move on until you’re not completely gone. I doubt he’d do that even with you out of the picture.” Malik sighed. “This is unrealistic. You can force yourself to live like this, but what kind of life is that?” A look of pure concern manifested on Malik’s face as he looked at the man who still, despite everything that happened between them, had a friend in him. “I know it’s not my place to tell you what to do with your life, God knows I’ve tried and you did not listen.” They joined in a chuckle. “But she can still have the life she wants. She’s young, I’ve heard she’s attractive, and she has to be nice if you like her. If you really do… have the decency to let her have it, to find a nice, Christian man that will give her what she wants. Maybe just a little less of a cock enthusiast than you are. One to give her a whole bunch of babies they can raise. It’s not too late, the longer you’re going to drag it out, the more you’re going to hurt her if that’s what you’re worried about. And you will leave, eventually. Either divorce or a bullet to your head, I know you, Louis. More than you would probably like to admit. Can you stand that for what… sixty years? Maybe even more if you’re not lucky enough to die early. And you will want to die. Ask any man who decided to marry a woman and live a lie. There’s been a few of those.” Zayn sighed. “You won’t change, Louis. Jesus won’t heal you because you’re not sick, despite the vile shit you’re being fed by whoever keeps putting those dumb ideas into that head of yours.” The man shook his head as he finished talking.

“I’ve never heard you talk for so long.” Louis laughed, but his face fell right after. “I was expecting you to yell at me, maybe punch me. Not… _this_.” He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the inspecting look he felt on him. “That would be better than reality.” He shook his head. “Now I know why you’re such great pals with Harry.”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because you both just love to complicate my fucking life.” His body bounced when he laughed bitterly.

“Oh no, you don’t get to say that when you’ve been doing the same thing for years.” Malik opposed. “I can only guess you’re in a hurry, I too have a pretty handsome hunk to meet in a short while so… I’ll let you go.” The man stood up from the seat. “I know our relationship has been a rollercoaster but if you ever need to talk, you can always call me.” The man opened his arms and embraced the friend he reunited with. “You don’t have to go off and fuck my best friend ten times every time you feel like chatting.” Zayn patted the smaller guy’s back, Louis’ face flushed red with the embarrassment.

“It was more than that!” He bragged when he remembered that Zayn had no taboo.

“Sure thing.” The brown eye winked at him as if he did not quite believe the story he’s been told by two people already.

“Thank you for this, even though you did a phenomenal job of fucking with my brain.” Louis pressed his lips together when his friend started walking away.

“I’ve heard that one before.” Malik chuckled and a few seconds later disappeared behind the door, leaving Louis alone with so many thoughts. The most prominent one was screaming at him to get to his car and go see his lover.


	22. Chapter 22

“What took you so long?” Harry complained as he started riddling beloved face with short kisses. “Fuck, I’m going to get you sick, sorry.” He distanced his lips from his lover.

“I could use a sick leave.” The shorter man chuckled and climbed on his tippy toes, reaching to place a juicy kiss on his partner’s chapped lips. “The traffic was pretty intense, I’m sorry.” He apologized; his nose nuzzled in his ex’s collarbone. “How do you still have that cologne?” The man asked when he detected the fragrance he associated with the man he’s been touching.

“I might have repurchased it.” Styles admitted. “Twice.” He scrunched his face with a smile. “Go wash your hands, the dinner will get cold. I really hope you’re hungry.” He watched his visitor leave and got back to the counter to plate the food for them.

“You know I am always hungry.” Tomlinson chuckled when he got back from the bathroom, sitting in his usual spot at the decorated table. “This is very fancy, you shouldn’t have troubled yourself so much. Especially not when you’re sick.”

“This a steak, it’s far from fancy.” Harry acted clueless when he filled their glasses with wine.

“That looks nothing like the steaks I’ve ever seen at Tesco’s.” He looked at the piece of meat covering the majority of his plate. “And that...” He pointed at a piece of green vegetable peeking from under the neatly sliced meat. “I don’t even know what the fuck this is.”

“I’ve promised you the best steak you’ve ever tried. I had to hit up a butcher, didn’t I?” Harry smiled sweetly. “And this… it tastes like cauliflower, it just looks fancy. You still like cauliflower, right?” Brunette quickly got back into the habit of explaining every ingredient of the dish he made for Louis, something that he just had to do before; the boy he knew would never touch something he didn’t recognize. The man opposite just nodded and got up from his seat when he saw brunette’s jaw quiver just a bit. He retrieved a colourful blanket from the couch and draped it over Harry’s silhouette, tying it in a knot under his chin.

“Tell me why did I bother getting dressed nicely?” Styles sighed, grabbing a piece of meat from his plate between his fingers and slipping it into Louis’ mouth since he wouldn't leave him alone, the man kept rubbing his nose against the student’s neck, savouring his distinct scent.

“This is delicious.” Louis murmured as he sucked his lover’s fingers clean. “And the clothes… I don’t know why you’ve bothered either. Your efforts will all go to waste when we’re done with this.” Louis pulled the blanket higher, pulling it all the way up over Harry’s hair and sat back on his chair, digging his fork into the dish that had not only delivered on a promise of the best steak he ever had, it also dethroned every other thing he had ever eaten.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you with coming over when I’m sick.” Harry apologized; his face pressed to his lover’s hand as he placed soft kisses on his skin. “I’m selfish, I didn’t think about wasting your time like that but I’ve missed you, forgive me… I’m just tired, I will take care of you later, I promise.” The man sighed deeply, his back pressed against Louis’ who stroked his naked side. Brunette’s muscles still twitched even though he’s been winding down for a while now.

“Whose time is being wasted? It surely is not mine.” Louis murmured with his face buried in dark, messy hair. “I am having a great day, I truly am.” He tried to rid his partner of the guilt he felt for not being able to tame the cough that has been tormenting him the whole day, not stopping even when his mouth was clearly busy with other things. “We had wasted a lot of time, you have a lot of movies to watch, TV shows to catch up on. Oh boy, you’re behind.”

“You’re such a dork.” Host’s mood has been eventually bettered, not that it was bad in the first place. How could it be bad with Louis’ arms wrapped around him?

“Yeah, I am. And what are you gonna do about it?” They joined in a chuckle, their bodies shifting in laughter.

“Nevermind. I’ve decided that I am not sick.” Harry exclaimed. “I don’t want to hear the s word, the r word or the d word, I don’t want to hear any of those and I just want to enjoy you while you’re here.” Styles’ body did not obey the new rules he’s made; his whole silhouette wrenched violently with a cough.

“You need to rest, don’t worry about me. I’m enjoying myself greatly.” The man slid off the bed, his lovers’ body longing for the heat of his belly pressed onto the skin of his back before he returned with his laptop, the device set on the mattress in front of Harry’s face so they both can see.

“What did I say about the r word?” Brunette snarled, a well-known theme song of The Simpsons made him remember the better days or the bad ones they’ve spent just like that, cuddled up in the bed watching silly cartoons.

“How about a doctor, did you see one? That cough sounds serious.” Louis stuck his flattened palm to his lover’s forehead, pushing away the hair stuck to it with sweat before he tried to estimate his temperature. “I think you’re feverish, did you measure your temperature?” He noticed, worried; he was glad he came to take care of Harry when he needed it. Especially that it was not often that this man got sick and even if he did, he still wouldn’t let himself rest.

“I broke my thermometer and forgot to buy a new one, so… no.” Harry pulled the hand his head rested on closer, nuzzling his face in the crook of Louis’ elbow when he drifted to sleep, taking advantage of his partner’s warmth because, despite his fever, he was freezing.

“Louis?” Styles whispered when he finally woke up, his hand patting the mattress behind him searching for the man whom he expected to feel, but didn’t. He groaned weakly disapproving of the fact that he was left alone in his bed. A bed which he left in an instant when he heard a commotion behind the door of his bedroom. One indicating that Louis was still there.

“Oh, you’re awake. Did you sleep well?” Tomlinson asked when he emerged from under the kitchen counter he squatted behind to check on the meal he’s been preparing.

“Louis, you’re cooking?” The student asked; a confusion mixed with a fright emerged on his face. The second one caused by the memory of the last time this man had taken upon himself preparing something more intricate than scrambled eggs or pancakes. The fact he used an oven was screaming complicated already.

“I might be.” He smiled sweetly. “Don’t get your hopes up too much, it might be terrible.” The man approached the couch Harry sat on, wrapping the brunette in a plush blanket tightly.

“Yeah, it might be.” Both men chuckled. “You should’ve stayed in bed with me, there was no need to bother with cooking.” Brunette closed two petite hands in his big ones and kissed them over and over.

“I wanted to, don’t you worry too much… well, maybe you should worry a bit because I’ve never cooked anything like that…The crust is pre-made though so it shouldn't be awful.” Louis grimaced and freed one of his hands, pressing it to his lover’s red cheek right after. “You’re still burning up.” He sighed concerned. “But your feet are so cold.” He sighed when he reached to the big foot peeking from under the blanket. “You should see a doctor.” The man insisted when he distanced himself from the brunette only to come right back with a pair of fluffy socks which he slipped on Harry’s pale feet.

“I will if I don’t get better until Monday.” The man rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

“I better take good care of you. I know you don’t like doctors.” Louis pressed his smiling lips to each of his lover’s ankles before he pulled the colourful socks higher.

“That doesn’t sound bad at all.” Harry murmured into the fabric he pulled all the way up, only emerald eyes peeking from below the blanket, smiling lovingly just as the lips which were hidden.

“We will eat, I will run you a nice bath and we’re going back to bed.” Tomlinson planned when he fumbled around the kitchen. He set the kettle on the stove and finished doing the dishes before the water boiled. When it did, he prepared a sachet of Lemsip which he picked up from the pharmacy alongside some other things to make Styles feel better. “But first, this.” The man brought a mug to the coffee table and set it in front of the brunette.

“Please, don’t make me drink that.” Harry pleaded when the smell of the liquid seeped through his blocked nostrils.

“It will make you feel better.” The younger man insisted. “So you can sleep through the night.” He sat next to the sick one and slipped his hand under the blanket, grazing heated skin with his fingertips.

“What if I don’t want to sleep tonight?” The taller one asked, his eyes teary from the illness.

“I don’t care. You’re sleeping today and this is not up for a discussion.” Louis’ face tensed up as he tried to appear strict.

“Yes, sir!” Harry chuckled. “Sir… I like sir.” He murmured more to himself than to his companion.

“What are you on about? Are you delirious?”

“I think I have a nickname for you, I’ve told you I’ll think of something.” He smiled sweetly, his cheeks dimpling in the most adorable way possible.

“Raise your hand, I’m going to take your temperature.” Tomlinson completely brushed over the topic Harry brought up, he was not a masochist and he already had a hard time keeping his hands off the brunette.

“Are we really going to do that? I’m not a baby.” Styles sighed and shook his head.

“You are a baby and raise your hand or I’m going to stick it in your bum.” The shorter man warned when he turned the thermometer on.

“That was supposed to be scary?” The student dared. “Know your audience.” He smirked; something naughty dancing behind those green eyes of his.

“You’re an idiot, hand up.” Louis demanded but his order was not obeyed. His fingers started swirling on Harry’s ribs, tickling him until he surrendered and the device was slipped in his armpit. “Drink while it’s hot, baby.” The man touched the tip of his lover’s nose in endearing gesture and left him on the couch just a few seconds before the oven started going off.

“What did you make?” Curious Styles followed the cook to the kitchen, steaming mug tightly squeezed by his cold fingers. But he sipped the liquid, a look of absolute disgust shaping on his face after each gulp.

“A chicken pot pie.” The man set the pie dish on the cutting board, presenting his creation proudly before his ex’s eyes. “It doesn’t look too bad, does it?”

“It doesn’t, smells delicious too.” Brunette wafted the steam to his face so his nose had a better chance of actually catching the smell. “Where did you learn to cook? I’ve barely taught you anything.” Harry asked, genuinely interested in the answer.

“I’ve cooked with mom quite a lot when she still was functional, Nellie cooks a lot too. I guess I’ve picked up some things.” He shrugged, but his face fell when he registered his companion’s reaction to his girlfriend’s name. “I’m sorry, shouldn’t have brought her up.” He grazed his fingers over Styles’, pale, lean ones still using the warmth of the mug to their advantage.

“I’ve asked, don’t worry. Us not mentioning her won’t make her disappear.” Harry pressed his lips together tightly, a sombre look in his eyes. “Get the plates, I’m hungry.” The older man smiled and dug a knife into his visitor’s creation, placing a piece for each of them. “Even vegetables are here? I’m impressed.” Styles joked as they sat on the couch, completely ignoring the nicely set table.

“Eh, thought it would be worse.” Louis sprawled on the couch when he put his empty plate on the coffee table. “I’m dying.” He grunted.

“I enjoyed it very much, thank you for cooking.” Harry put his plate away too, he had a bit leftover since he went overboard with the servings. “You don’t have to eat everything if you’re full, do you still remember?” He chuckled and reached for the hem of Louis’ t-shirt and pulled it upwards as he leaned over and kissed his bulging belly.

“It hurts so bad but it feels so good.” Tomlinson kept on complaining over his fate which he willingly brought upon himself by eating too much. “Now a bath.” The man lazily got back on his legs and approached the record player, smirking just a tad when he noticed ‘their’ record still set up and ready to go. It took him just a few seconds to remember how to use this ancient set up Styles still had going on, the sound of jazz music bringing a very relaxing atmosphere right away.

Louis toed to the bathroom and plugged the bathtub before opening the faucet, a wide stream of steaming water cascaded to the vessel when the man let it fill, coming back to find his man cleaning their dishes up.

“No, leave them. I’ll take care of it while you bathe.” Lou’s arms wrapped around Styles’ silhouette, his cheek pressed to the heated skin stretched over his lover’s back. “Oh, what was the temperature, you’ve never told me.” He said in an accusatory manner but didn’t move his face at all.

“It was normal, I’m not sick.” The taller one insisted but something in his words didn’t sound genuine, that’s why Louis had let go of his companion and went after the thermometer that was put down on the counter.

“You liar.” The younger man accused his partner when he turned on the device, the last memorized measurement said that he had almost thirty-nine degrees, an obvious fever.

Harry only chuckled when his caretaker took off to the bathroom to turn the faucet of the half-filled bath to the cold region, bringing the temperature down significantly so hopefully, it would help just a bit with the fever.

“God, you’re so annoying.” The patient sighed deeply as his partner rubbed his body clean with a sponge, kneeling by the bath to ensure his lover is comfortable.

“Look how the turntables…” Louis chuckled reminiscing about how many times the roles have been switched and Harry was the annoying one. “Don’t complain, you’ll feel better.” Harry’s eyes fell closed when his companion rinsed suds off his chest with the help of his sponge. He was very comfortable like that; it was just that he had other plans for that weekend. Plans that were thwarted by his stupid white blood cells that were too lazy to fight the bug he caught.

“I’m sorry, I’ve ruined your weekend.” Styles repeated himself, shifting in the bath since his tailbone started aching from sitting on it for too long. It was over half an hour since he entered the tepid bath. Louis’ caring hands constantly agitating his skin with a sponge, making sure that he stays as long as possible in the cooling water.

“I don’t want to hear a word about you ruining anything.” Tomlinson shook his head as he cut the complaints that were getting on his nerves at that point but he did not let that be shown. He was strict but composed.

“Yes, sir.” Harry smirked just a bit, his head thrown back when his partner went over his neck for the third time already.

“Are you cold?” Louis asked when his fingers grazed over goosebumps on brunette’s arm.

“No, it just feels nice.” Harry explained, a guttural hum seeping through his nostrils. “I’ve missed you.” He admitted, his eyes still shut. “I’ve missed your pretty face, your smile and your laugh… and your snores and your clothes all over the floor. Everything.” Styles’ voice grew weaker when he spilt his deepest thoughts in front of his ex. “I’m sorry.” He apologized for being so open. “I’m speaking gibberish, it’s the fever.”

“I’m sure it is, baby.” Louis chuckled bitterly and pressed his lips to Harry’s temple; his wet fingers stroking brunette’s scalp soothingly. “Come up, we’ll get you to bed.” The taller man complied and stepped out of the tub, his body dried thoroughly before he was told to sit on the edge. Tomlinson remembering to apply moisturizer to his lover’s face before he took him back to bed.

“What now?” Harry asked, smirking as he laid naked on the bedding.

“Now you’re going to sleep. You look tired.”

“I’m not.” Brunette opposed, his arms crossed on his chest when Louis left the bedroom, returning right after with a box.

“You are. But first, lay still.” The younger man demanded as he straddled the host’s hips, focused on getting the box open. “No funny business!” He slapped his partner’s hands when they started creeping behind his bottom.

“Yes, sir!” Harry smiled devilishly as a big dollop of VapoRub landed on his chest, jelly substance smeared all over his skin by small hands that made sure to rub it on every piece of Styles’ skin.

“That’s not fair, you’re enjoying this way too much.” The student accused his carer as he covered him up and down with the rub, his fingers kneading tired muscles along the way.

“False. I’m just taking good care of you, baby.” Louis chuckled as he kept on rubbing his lover’s belly; his butt pressed to Harry’s crotch when he took probably more time than he needed to.

“Yeah, that must be horrible for you.” The taller man sighed and reached his hand forward, cupping the stiffened front of Lou’s sweatpants before the owner could stop him. His breath hitching in his throat at the touch.

“Why won’t you ever listen?” The younger one shook his head in faux disappointment. “Hopeless, just hopeless…” He whispered under his breath and fell on his back right next to his lover.

“No!” He pushed the man down when he started getting up. “Fifteen minutes, sunshine. That’s what the box says!” His laugh ringed in the room when he proudly reciprocated for something Harry had done almost two years before.

“Thank you for coming here to see me.” Harry broke the silence when Louis came back from his quick shower and laid in the spot that whether he in Harry’s life or not, was still his. “I can only imagine how hard it is for you.” He sighed. Louis put down the phone on which he’s been checking the outcome of the game that was his alibi for that particular week.

“It’s only hard when I’m not here.” Tomlinson said when he turned on his side, stroking his lover’s face lovingly. “Thank you for letting me come here, to see you.” His finger dragged over Styles’ bushy eyebrow.

“I broke up with Daniel.” The taller one admitted, his face fell just a bit when he remembered that Louis did not want him to do so. Drunk Louis did want that, he demanded of Harry to do so, but sober Louis didn’t.

“Oh, no… Baby, why would you do that? He was good for you.” Louis sighed deeply, his fingers still wandering all over his lovers’ face, pale skin flushed with the fever.

“He wasn’t good Louis, nobody else ever will. And I wasn’t good either. He is a good guy, really good and I just couldn’t do that.” Tomlinson shook his head when he realized how much better his lover was than him. He was doing the same exact thing, but he didn’t have balls to make a decision. One way or another, he just couldn’t bring himself to choose either in fear of hurting people he cared for so much. Fully aware that he was hurting them both as the whole situation went on. “I thought that if I ever found anybody even half as good as you… that I would be fine, it would do but… I’ve tried and it didn’t. It just wasn’t what I want.” The tears twinkled in Styles’ eyes as he reached to dry them; his hand stopped by Louis, who was attentive enough to prevent the tragedy that was bound to happen when his partner rubbed his eyes with his hands covered by the ointment.

“Don’t touch your eyes, it’s okay.” They let the tears roll down on the pillow. Louis couldn’t bring himself to say a word, he didn’t know what possibly he could say to make it better.

“Every time that I’ve met anyone even remotely interested in me… I’d just end up making a stupid list in my head, comparing them to you and quite frankly…” Harry smirked just a bit. “Nobody compares to you.” He pressed his hot face to Louis’ chest, breathing in softly, enjoying the calming presence. “And I’m sorry I’m saying all of those things Louis… I really am.” He shook his head. “But you know me better than anybody else ever did and I’m sure you’ve already known what was going inside my head before I’ve opened my stupid mouth.” Brunette murmured softly, restless fingers tossing his hair soothingly. “And as much as you may not want me to, I love you, Louis. I always did and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I know all I do is complicate things but I want to be transparent with you… I don't think I can ever be happy with anyone but you. God knows I've tried." The student sobbed ever so slightly, his whole body trembling as he did.

Louis hated himself for making him cry. All he wanted was to tell him to stop, promise that he was always going to be there for him and that they will be together in the end. But he couldn’t, he didn’t know that. He wanted to believe that it would end up like that but he had a very hard decision to make, and very little time to do that.

“Don’t cry, love. I beg of you.” He nuzzled his face in the dark hair as he held his lover closer. “I’m such a horrible person. I should’ve just let you heal.” He kept cursing himself out in his head when he tried to comfort the man he hurt all over again. “I wish I could give you everything you deserve right now, and you deserve the world…” His lips bent in a smirk. “I will never be enough for you, see? You’re crying because of me… like many times before.” Lou gave himself mental lashing as wet tears kept on slipping down his chest.

“I’m content with what we have now.” Harry answered and distanced himself from the man just enough to look into his teary eyes. “I will never ask for more than you have to offer, Louis.” He pressed his lips, bitten raw to Louis’ soft ones. “This… what we have right now it’s just enough. I’m happier than I’ve ever been since you left.”

“Aren’t we just hopeless?” He smiled at his lover, the expression reciprocated; sad eyes stuck to each other. “Go to sleep, love. You’re exhausted.” Harry sighed, defeated as he turned Louis on his side and closed him in an embrace, one the smaller one needed so much knowing that he won’t do too much sleeping that night.

“Oh no, baby I’m sorry.” Louis whined when his phone started going off on the nightstand, Harry’s hand wrapped around his cock when he returned the favour his lover had done for him a few times already. He pleasured him to the best of his abilities but his moves were quite restricted due to the shortness of his breath and that’s why he resorted to his fingers.

“Pick up, what are you looking at me for?” Styles laughed as his lover looked at him uncertain whether he should go to the other room. “Oh god, you can stay. I’m not a baby.” Green eyes rolled to the ceiling as he let go off Lou’s length only to grab it back, tighter when the call has been answered.

“Hello Nellie, how are you doing? I didn’t expect you calling so early, did you have fun with girls yesterday?” Louis asked all the questions at once to keep himself distracted from the fingers that were crawling further and further north when he talked to his girlfriend.

“Oh… I’m fine, thank you. We did have a great night but I couldn’t sleep without you.” The woman laughed into the phone.

“That’s quite unfortunate, darling. I hope this night will be better.” Louis’ head fell back when he felt Harry’s middle finger slipping inside of him. A feeling he had been robbed off for a lot longer than he liked. A deep chuckle escaped his gut.

“What’s so funny? How are you doing?” The girl asked, confused.

“Oh, my friend is messing around, I’m sorry. I’m doing quite well, thank you. Splendid actually.” Tomlinson pressed his arm to cover his mouth, moving the phone away when he whined, feeling the unexpected wetness on his opening.

“Is that Niall? Please tell Niall I’ve said hi.” Nellie demanded.

“No, it’s an old friend we kind of stumbled into last week. We’re catching up. But I will be sure to tell Niall you’ve said hi when he wakes up.” The man rolled his hips, begging for more. And more, he got. Another finger joining his lonesome friend inside, massaging tight muscles much to Lou’s liking; his eyes watering while he wanted to scream. “Any plans for today?” He asked his girlfriend to keep the conversation going, even though that was the last thing he wanted.

“I’m meeting girls for lunch, then I’ll probably sew some things for the fundraiser…” Louis hissed a curse word when his breath caught in his throat; Harry apparently finding enough air to take care of his throbbing cock, spewing clear only for brunette to devour. A task in which he partook with great pleasure, sucking on the tip to ask for more, his wishes granted. “Are you okay, what happened?” Nellie asked, distressed.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve… tripped over my own damn shoes.” Louis lied, his hips rolling constantly as he tried to take every single bit of Harry’s fingers inside as he was sucked off, intricate tongue movements making his head spin, breath becoming shaky, fingers trembling, clasped around the phone he decided to put on loudspeaker since he just couldn’t keep it in his hands any longer.

“Maybe that wouldn’t happen if you’d stop leaving them everywhere.” Nellie complained, Harry completely unphased by her voice. He was on a mission, one that he was so close to completing.

“I know, darling. I know.” Tomlinson sighed, his hands pressed to the back of Harry’s head, his hips thrusting himself deeper when he was still getting fingered. Big beads of hot sweat surfacing on his skin.

“When are you going to be home tomorrow? In the morning or…”

“Late, sorry.” The man cut the woman off.

“I won’t bother with dinner then. Okay Louis, I better go.” She waited for a farewell maybe a bit too long. Louis’ knuckles white, his fingers squeezed on the sheets when he came in his lover’s throat. An unintentional cough emerged in the room when Styles choked.

“Yeah, don’t bother. See you tomorrow, Nellie.” He struggled the words through and ended the call quickly. Screaming his lungs out as soon as his phone returned to the wallpaper; his brute howl completely overtaking Harry’s coughing.

“Was this nice? Did you like it?” The taller man brought himself higher, kissing his lover with utmost passion. He looked very proud of himself, that’s because he was, in fact proud.

“You’re insane, but god it was so hot.” Louis moaned, his spent cock twitching violently, asking for more. The wish has been granted; Harry was ready for another round.

“Can I go with you? Please I’ll go crazy if I’m stuck in here for so long.” Styles pleaded when Louis was gathering his things to leave.

“Wait a minute.” Tomlinson left on the balcony to assess the weather conditions. “It’s warm, I guess you could use a walk.”

“Louis, you’re wearing shorts. Of course, it’s fucking warm.” The taller one rolled his eyes when he put his t-shirt on. “I’m ready.” He smiled sweetly as his lover approached him and brushed his messy hair with his fingers.

“Now you are.” Louis gave him a small peck on the lips. “I don’t think isolation would’ve damaged your brain any more than it already is.” The man intertwined his fingers with Harry’s and they left the apartment; nodding to the neighbour when they were locking the door.

“Can we actually go for a walk?” Styles asked when they left the building. He caught himself getting used to holding Lou’s hand way too quick. “We’ll get groceries but I just want to be outside for a bit.”

“Of course, we can, love.” Harry’s face crumpled at the beloved nickname. “We can go to the park for a bit, then we’ll get food.” Louis rubbed his thumb over Harry’s when they walked.

“Do you mind if I pop into the craft store? I haven’t used my paints for a while, some of them have dried up.” He sighed reminiscing his uninspired period.

“You haven’t been painting?” The smaller one asked, his eyes focused on the man he was walking with, their hands joined together as they got closer to the park.

“No… I hav… um- I didn’t have an inspiration.” The student stumbled trying to find correct words. “Every time I’ve tried, I would just get angry at myself so, I stopped. And then I was mad that I’ve stopped so, yeah… I’ve been struggling.” He smiled. “But I found my muse, I’m feeling extremely fertile lately.” He squeezed the small hand harder, Louis took a quick turn into the grocery store shuffling through the shelves; they left with a bag of sunflower seeds and a pack of Lou's brand of cigarettes. Their hands kept together, even when the elderly cashier gave them a whole bunch of weird looks.

“I think I know the answer but could you please tell me who would be that new muse of yours?” Louis asked when they sat on the bench near the water. His legs were crossed; eyes plastered to the profile of brunette who fed the ducks with seeds.

“My muse is far from new.” The man grinned, shushing away the ducks that got a little too close. His head turned to the side to receive a sweet kiss right on his lips. “What a beautiful muse that is.” He chuckled, bottom lip sucked under his teeth.

“You’re so silly.” Louis grabbed a handful of seeds and started feeding the ducks that were further back and couldn’t get to the ones Harry threw. “I’m glad you’re creative though.” He chuckled as he threw the seeds, some of which carried even further back by the wind that picked up.

“Can I draw you today? Just like when we met?” Harry asked, looking at his man who only smirked.

“Yeah? Will you get me a nice jewel to hang on my neck?” He chuckled. “Of course, you can draw me, baby. You can do whatever you want with me.”

“I will get you all the jewels you want.” Styles smiled. “There’s no stone beautiful enough for you, though… I’ll be on a lookout, I promise.”

“Luna’s getting married?” Louis asked, confused when he read through a wedding invitation which he took off the fridge.

“Oh, yes. She is, quite soon actually.” Harry smiled when he remembered how excited his friend was for tying the knot with a man she loved. Styles, himself absolutely got why she was so happy. He’d be too. “Thank you for reminding me, I’ll have to let her know that I won’t be bringing a plus one. She’ll get angry, it’s late. Ugh, I might as well be dead.” He chuckled nervously.

“She was single when I last saw her, isn’t it early?” Tomlinson asked, putting the decorated cardstock back, where he found it.

“When you know, you know Louis. There’s no right or wrong time. You just feel when you’ve met a person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s as simple as that.” The taller one shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

“Yeah? And since when you’re such a soulmates expert?” Louis teased him when he stood right next to him, putting stuff on the shelves the smaller one could not reach. Harry just smirked, his eyes grew sadder on an instant. That’s when the younger one realized how big of an idiot he was.

Lou stood right in front of his lover, climbed on his toes and brought his arms above Harry’s shoulders, hugging him as close as it was physically possible.

“I do not deserve you, look I’m being stupid again.” The smaller one whispered to his partner’s ear as he kept on cursing himself out in his head.

“I don’t care that you’ve passed your exams, you still can’t call yourself stupid.” The taller one warned as they held each other close, something extremely intimate in the way they clung to each other. Louis wanted so bad for Harry to somehow hear his thoughts because only then he’d know what he felt. How complicated it was and how hard he had to bite his tongue not to say what he wanted to say. Those words were to be left unspoken, at least till the decision is made.

“Okay, I won’t. I’m sorry baby.” He rubbed Styles’ back and fell on his feet when his toes started hurting. But Harry did not let go, he leaned, instead to keep the moment going even though they both could smell the pie they were reheating in the oven burning.

“What would you like to eat for dinner tomorrow?” Harry asked when Louis was taking loops around his apartment wearing the emerald green robe that was obviously too big on him.

“Oh, don’t bother.” He shook his head. “You should rest, not cook. We’ll order something.”

“No, I’m cooking.” The taller one insisted as he approached the couch on which his lover just sat. “I will make you something so delicious, she will never beat that.” The brunette sat on his partner’s lap and pulled him into the kiss, licking his way inside as he ground his hips rhythmically.

“You’re getting jealous now?” Louis snickered into the kiss.

“I’m always jealous.” Styles nibbled on his lover’s lip. “Always.” He growled.

“I don’t think this is how it went in a movie.” Tomlinson voiced his doubt as the robe he’s been wearing opened, exposing his nude body for Harry to devour.

“I don’t think I care.”

“Good morning sleepyhead, are you feeling better today?” Louis asked as he leaned over his lover, stroking his cheek with a flattened palm to assess the temperature. “You’re still burning up.” Lips pressed to brunette’s dewy forehead. “You did not sleep very well today, did you?”

“I’m sorry, I kept waking you up.” Styles apologized for his coughing fits that carried on throughout the night. “I’ll need to get some ingredients for the dinner later, would you care to join me?” He asked, pressing Louis’ palm to his cheek.

“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere. You are not doing anything today.” Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his skull when he got ready to oppose his partner’s orders but before he could do so, Louis pressed his palm to his lips, blocking the protest. “I’m going to run you a nice bath and make you breakfast. You will see a doctor tomorrow, please promise me you will.” Tomlinson swiped his thumb over his lover’s sunken lips.

“I will go to the doctor, I promise.” A quick peck graced the tip of brunette’s nose and his guest left him alone in the bedroom, only to be followed by a man who wanted to take advantage of every second they had left before Louis had to go back to his hometown.

“Drink up.” Harry sighed when the familiar smell hit him even before Louis got to the bathroom where he was sitting, submerged in lukewarm water that was supposed to help with his fever. At least that’s what Louis’ mom always taught him, and he trusted her unconditionally.

“Louis…” The taller one moaned in disapproval as he watched the yellow liquid splash in the mug that was trembling with his hands.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Tomlinson cut him off. “Are you cold? You’re shivering.” The man fell to his knees and gave his lover a worried look.

“I’m not cold, no. Hot actually.” The student explained as he sipped the hot beverage he was brought.

“I’ll be right back.” The smaller one excused himself only to come back a few minutes later with a plate full of pancakes. “Open up.” He commandeered, slipping bites of the breakfast into host’s mouth. “At least you still have your appetite.”

“Oh, I always have an appetite.” Harry smirked. “Louis… thank you. I know I shouldn’t even have bothered you with coming here but you took such good care of me and went above and beyond to make me happy. I’m sorry I was so lousy, I will be better next time. I promise.” Styles’ eyes fell closed when he chewed on a piece of pancake with the strawberry jam he made himself. “I will be better.” He repeated himself nodding ever so slightly.

“I don’t know how can you be even better but I’d like to see you try.” Louis snickered just a bit. “Are you still hungry? I can get you some more.” He asked when the plate was cleared.

“No, no.” Brunette shook his head. “I wanna get out now, spend some time with you.” He stood up and left the bathtub allowing his lover to dry his body with a towel.

“When am I going to see you again?” Harry asked a difficult question when they laid on the couch, pressed close both due to restricted space and the need to stay like that until they couldn’t anymore. Dark hair was slipping between Lou’s fingers when he stroked his lover’s scalp.

“I wish I could give you a date, I really do.” Tomlinson sighed. “I won’t make it next weekend, Nel asked me to stay with her, I’m sorry. I will come back the first chance I get.”

“Oh.” The taller man’s face clouded with sadness. “I understand, don’t worry.” He pressed a kiss on Louis’ palm.

“I will call you every time I get off work, I promise.” He nuzzled his face in brunette’s hair. “I’m sorry I can’t be with you all the time.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. You’re still here and it’s all that matters.” Harry slid off the couch, leaving his partner longing for him with a confused look on his face.

The host just went to his bedroom and brought a flowerpot from the windowsill. He showed his lover the cactus Louis bought for him. It had a big, bright yellow flower growing out of its side.

“See how big it got?” Styles presented the plant proudly. “I’ve struggled with keeping it alive for a while but look at it now, it’s flourishing. And of all the colours… it’s yellow.” Ge grazed the petals with just his fingertips. “You’re so fucking yellow, Louis.” The man spilt all of his feelings with a single gaze.

“God, aren’t you just perfect?” Tomlinson placed his open hand on his lover’s thigh. “I want to take you somewhere and never return, run away with me Harry. To Paris, you’d fit so well in Paris.” Both men chuckled bitterly.

“I wish it was that easy.” Styles sighed and returned to his previous spot. “I don’t think Zayn is mad at me for seeing you, not anymore.”

“I’m glad he’s not, I couldn’t bear the thought of you fighting because of me.”

“Oh, he’s fine. He just likes to complain a lot.” Harry rolled his eyes.

“You better not give him too many reasons to complain… he’s such a good lad, you know he is.” The taller one nodded knowing damn well that it was true, pretty sure that the friendship he had with Malik is one he’d never lose.

“I wish we could go back to how things were before I’ve fucked everything up.” Styles sighed as he reminisced the glorious days of having Louis in his apartment all of the time, of hanging out with their shared friends…

“We both made some mistakes, Harry. Mostly me, to be honest.” Louis murmured. “And I would not like to go back to those days… I was so dumb.” He shook his head. “Concerned about all the wrong things. Not taking good care of you, not treating you how you deserve to be treated.” His hand slipped down his lover’s spine.

“Please, don’t take it as me pressuring you into doing something… you can do as you please. Just know that there’s always space for you by my side if you’re willing to fill it.” Styles pressed his face to Louis’ arm.

“I know baby, I know. Oh, how I love you so much.” The smaller guy whispered, his lover’s heart almost jumping out of his chest when he heard these words. Louis had no idea how much time Harry spent thinking about that one time when he heard those words at the end of a phone call. In the end, he decided that it was a slip-up on Lou’s side, just something he got used to saying to his girlfriend when they called each other. What Styles didn’t know was that Louis never actually ended his calls with Nellie like that, it was just something he did so instinctively because he did, in fact, love him. He never stopped, even when he tried to convince himself he hated him.

“Why are feelings so complicated?” The older one grunted and turned to face his partner.

“They’re not, Harry. Not at all.” Tomlinson rubbed his thumb over his lover’s cheekbone.

“Harry?” Louis called his lover when they were both running around the apartment searching for his phone. The student’s device in his lover’s hand when he pressed the wrong button and brought their texts on the screen.

“Yeah, you’ve found it?” The man emerged from the bedroom empty-handed. 

“Oh, no. No. I just… why didn’t I get that message?” Harry cursed under his breath when he recalled what message he had left in the drafts. One he typed right after he broke up with Dan. When he felt worthless, like a complete asshole. Still in there even if they've exchanged hundreds of messages since he typed it out, but those were not texts, though.

“I, um… don’t worry about it. We need to find your phone.” Brunette completely brushed away the topic and Louis let him, for now. “I hear it, help me.” The shorter man rushed to help and found his lover struggling with a bed frame; the furniture way easier to move with two sets of hands. “Here.” He gave the phone back to its owner, a sad smile curving his lips since he knew that there was nothing stopping his guest from leaving. It was late, very late. It was half-past three in the morning and they both did everything in their power to postpone the inevitable farewell. But it was time to go, Tomlinson had to be back before Nellie woke up at six.

“Harry, why?” Louis demanded an answer; his lover’s hands stuck in his as he looked deep into those eyes he already started missing. “I want you to reach for me when you’re down. Please, never hesitate to do so.” A small hand slipped down Styles’ cheek.

“I need to deal with my own problems, Louis.” Harry shook his head. “You’re not my boyfriend, I have no right to bother you with my feelings. You could’ve been with her.”

“You never have to deal with anything on your own.” The man nuzzled his face in his lover’s shoulder as he hugged him. “You can call me, text me… whenever and I’ll be there for you. Maybe not always in the flesh but I will be there.”

“This is so stupid, we’re the worst.” Harry chuckled, his partner joining him right away.

“Hopeless, just hopeless.” Louis whispered and kissed his ex before he got up from the bed. “Oh, I miss you already.” He sighed deeply, holding his duffle bag in one hand, the second one laced with Harry’s when he was walked to the door.

“Call me when you get home, so I know you’re safe.” The taller man demanded, stealing small kisses, stalling at this point because he didn’t want to let Louis go. He wanted to keep him.

“You’ll be asleep, I will text you.” He pinched the beloved cheeks and climbed on his toes to kiss his lover when he stopped. “Remember to drink your Lemsip when you’re up and go see a doctor. Give me updates, all the updates.” 

“You’re sure you can drive? I can make you another coffee… or you could stay.” The brunette shrugged as if it was even possible.

“I’m fine, it’s not that big of a drive.” Louis bit his lover’s lip. “I will call you tomorrow, and the day after, and the next one too… Please, stay in bed and take care of yourself.” The man one last time assessed his lover’s temperature by pressing his lips to his cheek. “I love you, Harry, I will see you as soon as it’s possible, okay?” Harry nodded, pushing the tears away. “Now, go to bed.”

“Not yet, I need to know you’re home safe.” The student disobeyed.

“No, no.” Tomlinson dropped his bag on the floor and pulled his partner to his bed. “Lay down.”

“Yes, sir.” Harry chuckled and slipped under the covers. Waiting for Louis who went to fetch him a bottle of water.

“Drink a lot, and stay warm. Are you warm?” Styles nodded. “Okay, okay.” He whispered to himself as he pulled the covers up to his lover’s chin, tucking him in tightly. “Here’s your phone, here’s your water… do you need anything else?” The host only smirked and retrieved his hand from the cocoon he’s been hugged by; his fingers grasped on Tomlinson’s hand as if he wanted to pull him on the bed to stay with him. That’s exactly what he’d do if it wasn’t so late. “Silly boy.” Tomlinson’s blue eyes twinkled when he leaned over to kiss the patient one last time. “Goodnight Harry, sleep tight.” He rubbed brunette’s hand with his thumb.

“I like you, Louis, I REALLY like you.” Men exchanged a sweet smile when the memories were brought back by Styles.

“I do too, I really do.” He sighed and headed to the exit, turning off all the lights before he left, locking the door with a spare key he was given back.


	23. Chapter 23

“What is this? What are you doing?” Louis chuckled disoriented when Harry opened the door to his apartment; a piece of fabric wrapped around the shorter man’s eyes as a makeshift blindfold. “Oh, something smells nice.” He huffed when he was led inside of the apartment.

Instead of saying anything, Styles untied the knot behind his lover’s head, revealing to him the little project he’s been working on. A breath hitched in Tomlinson’s throat when he saw the apartment.

“You’ve said you’d like to go to Paris with me…” Harry murmured into his guest’s ear; his hands wrapped around Lou’s waist. “We cannot go at the moment so… I’ve brought Paris to us. At least I tried.”

“Harry, you’re so cute. This is perfect.” Blue eyes scanned the living room, an abundance of fairy lights hung on a painted sheet of fabric in the shape of Eiffel tower, there were candles lit around the room, furniture pushed to the walls with Harry’s mattress in the middle, flooded with pillows and blankets.

“Look what I’ve got!” Brunette jogged to the record player and with pride presented a vinyl with a soundtrack from Disney’s Ratatouille. He pressed the right button and music tied the whole scenery together.

“I’m sure this is exactly how Paris looks like.” Louis approached the ‘Eiffel Tower’ and grabbed one of the lights between his fingers. “The tower, check. The food…” The man scanned the cluttered kitchen island. “Check. The Ratatouille soundtrack, check!” The man chuckled. “This is so sweet, how can you get any better I don’t know.” He shook his head, grinning widely.

“I think I know… stay here.” Harry dipped to his bedroom and his laugh re-entered the living room before his body did. Apart from his white shirt, tucked into his tan-coloured chinos rolled up to his ankles which he wore before, he had a beret on his head. “Did it work?” Harry kept laughing as he approached his lover. “A kiss under the tower, please.” Styles chuckled and leaned just a bit to reach his partner’s lips. The first kiss after they couldn’t see each other for two weeks lasted for an eternity. Their lips stuck to each other for little short of three minutes, pausing only when necessary.

“You’re such a dork, I love you.” Tomlinson shook his head with a loving smile on his reddened by the lack of oxygen face. He reached his hand up and grabbed the antenna of Harry’s beret between his thumb and index finger, snatching it away and putting on his own head.

“You look so cute.” Brunette complimented the shorter guy and dug his fingers between Lou’s ribs, tickling him until the man bent in half. He looked so boyish with his face shaved clean, hair trimmed and cheeks rosy. He looked just how he did when they met, his eyes twinkled when his laugh filled the room with a beautiful melody.

“Please, stop!” Tomlinson pleaded; his eyes teary when his lover just wouldn’t let him go. “Harry!” He screamed louder, only then the taller one stopped stabbing his ribcage with his slender fingers.

“So cute.” The host pinched Lou’s cheek, a small peck pressed on the tip of the small nose.

“Oui, oui. So cute, indeed.” The man nodded, making his partner laugh even more.

“Silly boy.” Harry laughed. “Are you hungry? I have everything ready, minimum work required so I don’t have to leave you alone for a moment.” The man fixed the hat on his lover’s head.

“Not yet, no.” Louis shook his head. “I had a late lunch at work.” He explained. “How do you feel about a shower? I could use a shower.”

“Will bath do? I kinda have one ready.” Brunette admitted and led his lover to the bathroom, an array of candles scattered around the room.

“Flowers?” Tomlinson chuckled at red petals floating in milky water. He started unbuttoning his lover’s shirt. “Oh, what are those?” The man was surprised how he managed to miss Harry’s perfectly manicured hands, fingernails painted neatly with red polish. “So pretty.” He lifted his lover’s hands and pressed a kiss on each of them.

“You don’t mind? Zayn said you wouldn’t like them.”

“I love them.” They exchanged the sweetest of smiles. “Hop in, you didn’t think I’d use that bath alone, did you?” Louis smirked.

“I hoped you wouldn’t.” Styles submerged his body in hot water and grabbed the bottle of champagne he had ready for them. Uncorking the beverage and pouring them a glass just when Louis joined him, settling himself in a tight space.

“To the greatest weekend in Paris.” Louis chuckled and clinked their glasses together, smiling so wide that his face hurt; he felt so many things at once and the weekend barely started.

“I need to talk to you about something.” The smaller man spoke when a grape was slipped into his mouth. “Something serious.” His face blank when the fruit was crushed with his molars, sweet juice flooding his mouth when he chewed on it.

“I’m listening, I always am.” Harry murmured, still feeding his lover from a cheese platter he prepared for them to indulge in.

They laid sprawled on the mattress that took the majority of the living room. Their bodies nude as they just simply enjoyed each other’s company.

“I’m sorry I’m bringing this up right now, ruining the mood but… Nellie asked if I’d like to move back to Manchester.” Styles’ eyebrow lifted just a bit. “Our lease is coming to an end and girls are doing okay, so we could… what do you think about that?” He asked.

“Why does it matter what I think?” Brunette asked, his brows furrowed in deep thought.

“Everything you think matters. This is a big decision, you’re a big part of my life… I want to get your opinion because I’m lost.”

“But do you want to move back?”

“I… honestly don’t know. It would make things both easier and more difficult at the same time.” His hand searched for his lover’s; their fingers linked when he found it. “I could be here more often, so that’s a plus. A big one. I could get a better job here, make more money. I could be better of a friend for Niall…” The man kept listing the advantages of coming back to the city.

“…but?” Harry asked, there were some minuses, Louis’ face clearly said so.

“It would get difficult with the sleepovers.” The twinkle in blue eyes dimmed a bit. “And we would have to be careful outside…” He sighed. “I don’t know Harry, I really don’t.”

“What would you do if I was out of the picture?”

“I would move.”

“Then do. We’ll figure it out. We always do.” Styles pressed his lips together and smiled; his cheeks dimpling sweetly when he did. “It would be nice having you close. It was nice before you left, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was.” Tomlinson nodded.

“But don’t leave this time, please.” Harry rested his head on his lover’s chest and grazed it with his fingers.

“Never.” The shorter man pressed a kiss on his partner’s forehead and they fell asleep, wasting some of their time together on a nap.

~*~

“Now, this is everything.” Louis sighed in relief when two last boxes were set on the floor of his new apartment. Harry beaming at him, tired but happy. Mostly about the fact that he would have Louis all to himself for three whole days before Nellie joins Louis in their new apartment. And while they were both very much tired from the move, it was still better than their meetings that grew sparse, once the woman voiced her dislike of her boyfriend spending so much time in the city while she was at home.

“I’ll get started on the kitchen, you do the bathroom.” Styles instructed and vigorously pulled a box onto the kitchen counter, slashing the tape with a knife to expose a bunch of dishes, ready to be put away.

“I’m tired, can it wait?” Tomlinson nuzzled his face in his lover’s neck when he hugged him from behind, getting fussier and fussier as the day progressed. Mostly from heat and exhaustion but the fact he had Harry this close and couldn’t act out on his desire was a factor as well.

“Well… it could, but the faster we finish this, the faster we can go rogue.” A smirk tug on Styles’ lips when he put various dishes in the cabinet, remembering that neither of the actual tenants was as tall as he was. “You can go to sleep if you’re tired. I’ll get things sorted.” He offered, grazing his fingers delicately over his lover’s hand that was pressed to his own chest.

“You’re right. I’ll get to it.” Louis sighed and took one of the boxes to the bathroom, unpacking Nellie’s and his belongings without much thought. He figured that his girlfriend would rearrange things to her liking when she came so why bother.

“I think it’s enough for today.” Harry murmured into his lover’s ear when the smaller one was hanging clothes in the wardrobe. “We’ll get finished on the clothes tomorrow. You’re tired.” The man slipped his fingers down Lou’s cheek, their equally tired eyes stuck to each other.

“Okay. A shower?” A small fist rubbed a blue eye when Lou asked the question.

“We’ll shower in the morning. You look sleepy.” Brunette smiled at his lover and in one fell swoop took Lou’s big t-shirt off.

“I’m not that sleepy.” The man lied, a devilish smirk on his face when he slipped his hands under Harry’s shirt. He shivered just a bit when he felt the touch on his chest. Restless fingers grazing his nipples when men linked in a kiss.

“Are you sure? We can wait till morning.” Styles proposed.

“No, you can wait till morning. I never said anything.” Louis chuckled and pushed the taller man on the bed that was made when Lou went back to Doncaster for the last of his stuff.

“Too tired to put the stuff away but not too tired for this?” Harry mocked his partner when the smaller man straddled his hips.

“Gotta make some good memories in this place, don’t we?” A moan escaped Styles’ lips when he felt Louis’ bum pressed along his groin. He’s been deprived of his man’s touch for way too long.

Louis whimpered feeling Harry’s wandering tongue slipping inside of him, joining the stiff fingers that probed his Lou’s prostate, making him shudder with every single hit.

“You like that? Does it feel good, baby?” Another push, a loud squeal breaking the silence; Styles had better things to do with his tongue than talking. “I want you to get a boner every time you eat your cereal in the morning. I don’t want you to think about anything else but this.” Brunette chuckled and pushed his fingers rhythmically, his lips clung around Louis’ shaft as the smaller one laid on the kitchen island, his knees bent, toes curled on the edge of the countertop when he got the permission to thrust into his lover’s mouth. The opportunity very much appreciated.

Harry’s jaw limp, his hot breath pooling at the base of Lou’s cock when he started thrusting his hips forward, digging himself deep into his lover’s throat only to fall on his fingers. Louis felt his man swallow around him when he fucked his pretty face. He couldn’t seem to get enough of him. Sexting and wanking on video calls were not even near to satisfying any of them. That’s why they used the time they had to the best of their abilities.

Another squeak slipped through Louis’ lips, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he kept getting deeper, hitting the back of his lover’s throat with his tip. The fingers pleasurably filling him up, hitting the tender spot causing a shudder. His toes were white on the edge of the counter when he bucked his hips a few last times and released into his partner’s throat.

“Beautiful.” Harry hummed when he slid Lou’s erection out of his mouth, a single string of viscous substance hanging between his lips and the reddened tip. “Is this enough to make your cock twitch every time you sit here?” The man asked, proud of himself when he brought his lips to Louis’, his fingers still nudging the tender spot.

Tomlinson just nodded frantically, still whining when he kept getting fingered. He looked divine, sprawled on the counter, his flushed body contrasting with the white surface below him.

“Harry…” He panted, his legs weak when his man was appreciating the view of the smaller guy squirming, rolling his hips to feel him deeper. So vulnerable, so needy.

“Come on, baby. One more time.” Styles encouraged and stretched his finger so they reached the spot, massaging it, making Tomlinson’s body shiver as he spilt just a bit on his stomach. The come did not get a chance to cool down before it’s been licked off. “Yum.” Harry smirked when Louis’ eyelids parted, his eyes hazy when he gave his partner the most loving look.

“I’ve returned the ring, Harry.” He admitted, a smile still stuck to his face; infecting the taller man.

“You did?” Brunette asked and dipped his head down to kiss Tomlinson who could taste himself on his lover’s tongue.

“Harry?” Lou whined when their lips parted.

“Yes, baby?” A wide grin still stuck to brunette’s face when he looked down on his love.

“Would you like to fuck me?” Styles’ face froze just for a bit as he was caught off guard by the question. They have never talked about switching roles but as it turned out, it was something that Louis thought about. “Oh, we don’t have to if…” Tomlinson reacted to the startled expression on brunette’s face.

“I would love to, you’ve just surprised me a bit.” The student laid a gentle kiss on his lover’s lips. “Not today, though. Not like that.” He shook his head and helped the smaller man off the counter. “We’ll get back to it, now let’s get this place sorted. I need to make you come in a few other places when we’re done.” Louis sighed at the mission his lover had set for himself, to fill the apartment he was going to share with his girlfriend with memories of him. Memories that would strike with every step Tomlinson took around his small flat…

~*~

“Wait, you want to bottom for him?” Zayn asked with pure confusion painted on his face. He and Louis were sitting in Malik’s living room, waiting for the rest of their group to get there. It wasn’t long after Tomlinson’s return to the city until they started hanging out together again. As it turned out, there was no bad blood between Harry’s best friend and his partner. With Liam and Eden, Lou has gotten along just fine.

“Well… I thought about that, yeah.” Louis admitted, his hand subconsciously snapped to the back of his neck, stroking the skin in embarrassment.

“Have you told him yet?” Malik asked, sipping his cold beer, relaxed as if they were talking about the weather.

“I did, yeah. He said that we’ll get back to this but it’s been a week and the topic never returned. Do you think he doesn’t want me to?” Tomlinson finally had an outlet for thoughts that cluttered his brain for a while now. His body stiffened on the sofa once he realized that maybe he was in the wrong. “I’m such an idiot, I probably shouldn’t have even proposed that.” He rolled his eyes. “I mean, it had always been him and now I’m trying to switch things up. I just didn’t think that he was so used to things being that way.”

“What did he say when you told him, though?” The taller man got up from his armchair and got to the fridge to get himself another beer.

“He told me he’d love to fuck me.”

“Then it means that he wants to do that. Maybe he’s nervous.” Zayn shrugged and fell back onto his seat.

“Why would he be nervous? It’s easy.”

“Well… it was easy for you two. Harry had bottomed before so he knew how things work. He’s probably scared that you might not like it.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Louis asked with confusion clouding his face.

“It’s not exactly a walk in the park, especially the first few times. It can hurt like a bitch. He probably doesn’t want to hurt you. You know how he is.” Another shrug shook the taller man’s lanky silhouette.

“Does it really hurt that bad? Do you…” Louis continued his questioning and only then realized that he never uncovered the mystery of Zayn’s preferred position. It had always interested Lou for some reason, probably because Malik always gave away very mixed signals.

“Yeah, now I do.” The man admitted without hesitation.

“Now?”

“Well, we kinda had to make do with Liam. It was me who lied so here we are.”

“Lied? How did you two even meet?” Another question asked when Tomlinson remembered that even though he knew Liam already, he never heard the story behind the relationship.

“I was out painting. Alone because Harry had better things to do as you might know.” Both men smirked at the reminder. “I got too distracted and next thing I know there’s a fucking cop staring at me. He was cute so I thought I might flirt my way out of getting arrested.”

“It worked, huh?” Louis chuckled and in the same moment, the door flung open, Harry and Liam entering the room.

“It sure did. I mean, who could resist this?” Zayn laughed as he pointed at his face.

“Not me.” Liam approached him and pressed a kiss onto his lips. “I’m going to join you in a minute, I’ll change into something more comfortable.”

“How was your day?” Harry murmured into Lou’s ear when he squeezed himself between Louis and the armrest; his lover settling himself against his body as soon as it was possible. Their silhouettes clinging to each other like two magnets.

“It was great, thanks for asking.” Zayn joked as he looked at the scene ahead of him with an inscrutable look on his face. “How was school?”

“It was fine, just school. You know how the school is.” Harry shrugged; his boyfriend’s body moved with his. “I might be getting another exhibition.” He added shyly, his fingers searching for Louis’, braiding together when they met halfway. “It’s not anything certain, but I’ve talked with Harris about it, she has a friend who owns a small gallery and likes to support ‘young talent’.”

“I think I’ll text Niall then, we’re going to need more booze to celebrate.” Zayn smiled ever so slightly, which was already pretty rare to that particular man, always cool and collected.

“What are we celebrating?” Liam asked, looking so much less intimidating without his uniform on. The gun he was carrying on duty also looked better left alone on the dresser.

“Harry is getting another exhibition.” Louis spoke, the pride audible in his voice when he squeezed his lover’s hand harder.

“I MIGHT be getting one.” Harry interfered. “There’s nothing to celebrate yet.” He sighed deeply.

“I think there’s plenty to celebrate either way.” Tomlinson pressed a small kiss on his lover’s wrist.

“This is absolutely not what I do at my job, Niall.” Liam sighed after another inspired by an action movie assumption of his day at work.

“Have you ever used your gun? Can I hold it?” Horan did not budge. Still asking the same questions he asked before.

“I have, in training. I never shot it at somebody, thankfully. You can hold it when there’s no booze involved.” Payne answered and looked for support around the rest of their group but only Zayn somewhat paid attention to their exchange. Lovebirds were content with each other’s company, taking as much as they could before Louis would have to get back to his girlfriend. Eden was stuck on her phone, texting a man she met on Tinder. Zayn was technically there, but he was busy with stroking his boyfriend’s arm and thinking about nothing in particular.

“I think I’ll head out. I have a wedding to cater in the morning.” Eden got up from the floor and searched for her jean jacket before she put her shoes back on.

“You better go to sleep soon, we don’t want any bad reviews on your site, do we?” Zayn smiled sincerely at the girl he recently officially accepted into his sparse friend group.

“No, we do not.” She shook her head frantically, searching her bag for cigarettes.

“Don’t worry. For every bad review, we’ll give ten good ones from fake accounts.” Niall cackled in his usual fashion.

“There won’t be any bad ones, I’m amazing!” The woman leaned over and rustled Horan’s hair with her spread fingers. “Thank you, though. I’m going to cut your hair next time so you can give me a real review.” She smiled and waved to the group before she left.

“Are you sure you can’t stay at mine today?” Harry murmured into his lover’s ear when he stroked Lou’s scalp soothingly.

“I’m afraid I cannot.” Louis whined. “Next week I’m all yours, I promise.” Louis gave his man an apologetic look. 

“You’d make great money renting your guest room by the hour.” Niall joked as all eyes were plastered to Louis and Harry, sprawled on the sofa; completely unaware of the fact they were talked about.

“There’s no money that would be worth the trauma.” Zayn shook his head as he pointed at Harry’s bruised neck. “That little shit there, he’s a biter.”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you…” Louis forced himself to look at the rest of his friends. “Nellie said she’d like to have you for dinner. To thank you for help with painting and setting the place up. To meet those friends that were taking so much of my time lately.”

“I think it will be enough if you bring only Harry then. I barely saw you.” Niall joked and pulled a laugh from Zayn and Liam. Louis was nowhere near laughing, so was Harry. His body stiffened when he heard the invitation.

“Won’t this be… awkward?” Liam asked, clearly nodding at Styles who got stuck in his own head.

“Hi baby, meet Harry. The man I’ve been fucking for years now.” Zayn scoffed, his tongue stumbling just a bit due to slight intoxication.

“Stop it, please.” Louis basically moaned. “I know this is a bad idea, she just keeps pushing and I… just don’t know what to tell her.”

“Hi Nellie, I’m gay.” Another valuable addition from Malik himself. His boyfriend was clearly more aware of the shift of atmosphere in the room; he pushed his fingers between Zayn’s ribs to warn him, pulling a hiss out of his partner. “I’m sorry, it’s just weird.”

“I know.” Louis sighed; his face fell when he felt Harry coming alive under his body again.

“When’s the dinner?” Brunette asked, his fingers clutched harder around Louis’ arm. He did not like to even think about the fact that his man had a girlfriend, not to mention actually meeting the girl. How could Louis be his if he was also hers? That made no sense.

“She didn’t give a date, she asked me to settle on one that would be okay with all of you. Is the third weekend okay?” He asked.

“I’m sorry, I’m on duty then.” Liam, in his usual fashion, apologized for something he had no power over.

“The one after?” This time it was Niall who shook his head.

“I have an evening shift at the bar. Eden has a wedding then too.” He excused himself.

“How do you suddenly know so much about Eden’s life?” Zayn threw his head in Horan’s direction and gave him an inspecting look.

“That’s what happens when you pay attention to what people are saying instead of rubbing against each other all evening.” Niall scoffed and shifted on the floor, his bottom aching from sitting on it so long.

“Touché” Zayn smirked and brought his attention back to Louis, his eyes unwillingly riding up to Harry’s face. His expression was saying a lot about how he felt with this whole dinner situation.

“How about the next weekend?” Louis proposed and the room fell quiet. Nobody seemed to have anything planned at the time.

“Then we have a date. Save your Sunday evening for a roast at mine.” Louis announced with an overly chipper tone that only gave away that he was nowhere as excited about this whole situation as he posed to be.

“Sunday, after church roast. Got it!” Zayn mocked his friend and the way he was forced to attend services each Sunday. “Do you confess to this before God?” The man kept mocking, nodding at his friend pressed to his boyfriend.

“Would you just shut up?” Harry barked out at his friend and brought attention to himself. He felt bad that he snapped at Zayn like that but he should know better than making fun of a situation that was far from funny. “Sorry, I better go home.” Styles got up immediately, not even thinking about Louis who fell on his back when he lost support provided by his lover. “Sorry about the mess.” He apologized but then he still gathered Louis’ and his empty bottles and brought them to the bin before he left.

“Don’t look at me, go after him.” Zayn kicked his friend off the couch and Louis obeyed. Not that he wasn’t already thinking about how he could excuse himself and follow Harry.

“Baby, wait.” Tomlinson stuck his leg between two parts of elevator door so they opened for him. Harry only looked at him, his eyes dark before he plastered them to the floor. “I’m sorry. I should’ve just told her no.” He sighed and laced their hands, still clammy from when they held each other before.

“It’s not surprising she wants to meet your friends, is it?” Styles finally spoke when they left the elevator, subconsciously heading in the direction of Harry’s apartment.

“I guess it’s not.” Louis chuckled bitterly. “I’m sorry, I’ve ruined the evening.”

“Zayn just should learn to shut up sometimes.” Brunette sighed, their hands joined when they walked empty streets. “He knows that it’s a fucked up situation, yet he still makes jokes.”

“Isn’t that why we love him, though?” The smaller guy smirked ever so slightly.

“No.” Harry deadpanned, pulling a chuckle from his boyfriend.

“Don’t be so hard on him, he just tried to loosen up the atmosphere.”

“Well, he failed miserably.” There was quite a bit of silence before Styles chuckled to himself. “I’ve overreacted, haven’t I?” He asked and with dread observed that they were very close to his building, which only meant he’d be left alone soon.

“Yeah, you did. Just a bit though.” Louis grazed his thumb over the top of his lover’s palm. “I’m going to drop by tomorrow, are you working?” Brunette just shook his head, his face a bit less tortured.

“Don’t eat, I’ll cook something for us.” He leaned and pressed a kiss onto his lover’s lips. Two of them kept kissing when Louis’ Uber was on its way.

“I love you, Harry, I really do. I’m sorry.” Tomlinson apologized once again and kissed his man’s hand before he jumped into the car, opening the window to have one last look at his lover. “Goodnight Harry.” He smiled lovingly at his partner who did not respond, he just looked at the car that drove away. A puzzled look on Styles’ face the last thing he saw.

_ “Goodnight baby.”  _ He received a message just as he drove off and suddenly everything was back to normal.

~*~

“All I’m saying is that I could’ve cooked something for us.” Harry kept arguing when they were getting closer to the restaurant Louis had invited him to. “We could’ve eaten there and cuddled afterwards.” He shrugged, pulling his boyfriend’s hand up just a bit.

“I wanted to take you out, all we do is stay at yours. We’ll go back and there’s plenty of time for us to cuddle.” Louis smiled sweetly at the man when they finally got to the restaurant. Harry opened the door for him and they entered. Waiting just a few minutes to be seated.

“Look who wants to be out in the open all of the sudden.” Styles chuckled when he was looking through the menu, deciding between two dishes to order.

“What are you getting?” Louis asked him after he sipped the water the waiter brought for them with menus.

“The seafood risotto sounds nice but the cod too and I don’t know.” He shook his head in frustration, the waiter was approaching which did not help with making the decision.

“Are you ready to order?” A clean-shaved guy asked, his hands crossed behind his back.

“Yes, I’ll take the cod with a side salad.” Harry decided on the spot and shifted the attention to his partner.

“I’ll have the seafood risotto, and a bottle of your best Pinot Grigio, please.” He gave the waiter a kind smile which quickly got reciprocated.

“Of course, if I could be of any use, please don’t hesitate to call for me.” The waiter nodded and distanced himself from their table, leaving them to their devices.

“Pinot Grigio, when did you get so fancy?” Harry teased his lover as he leaned towards him over the table.

“I watched some YouTube video, wanted to impress you.” The smaller man shrugged and opened two buttons of his shirt, feeling the collar suffocating him just a bit. He felt the nerves finally catching up to him, overshadowing his initial confidence when he admired the view before him. Harry’s green eyes gleaming in the warm light provided by a candle that stood between them. 

“You’re always impressing me. You don’t need no internet videos.” Brunette grinned at his man. “Thank you for taking me here, I know that this is far from random but I see that you’re trying to distract me from the dinner and I appreciate it, I really do.” Harry reached his hand over the table and their fingers linked in the middle. “Don’t worry about tomorrow too much, we’ll get through it. We always do.” Styles gave his boyfriend a reassuring smile that calmed his anxiety just a bit, even though the source was nowhere near where Harry thought it was.

“It won’t be that bad. Niall won’t shut up, he’ll do all the talking.” Louis chuckled.

“Do you think she’ll like me?” The taller man asked and Tomlinson hated that the conversation shifted to the topic he wanted to completely avoid during that dinner. “How does she feel about gays?” He continued questioning.

“I have no idea, to be honest. It never came up.” Lou admitted. “She doesn’t have to know if you don’t feel comfortable with her knowing, right?”

“Louis, please.” Harry scoffed and lifted his free hand to present his painted nails. “I guess I can get them off but there are still so many giveaways.”

“Don’t get them off, please.” Louis lifted his lover’s hand to his lips and kissed each of his fingers. “Who cares what she thinks about you? I surely don’t, neither should you.” He spilt all his love with a smile when their hands parted so the waiter could place their dishes in front of them.

“Thank you, William. We’ll call when we’re ready for the dessert.” The young man nodded and left them alone. Louis poured them a glass of wine they’ve accepted before.

“Did you make a good choice?” Louis asked when his lover got the chance to try both of their dishes.

“I think I did, after all.” His smile grew bigger, flames dancing in his eyes. Louis thought that his lover never looked more gorgeous but then his brain was flooded with images that completely discarded that statement. He still looked very sharp and handsome, his shirt unbuttoned almost halfway, a silver cross hanging off his slim neck.

Harry’s relationship with all things divine was complicated, on and off but at that time, he claimed to be a believer, and so did Louis. Maybe weekly services were a bit too much for him personally, but he wanted to believe that there was something bigger than all of them. That there was something after they all, inevitably die. Whatever it was, Louis was also scared of it. He wasn’t very good of a man, not at that moment. He doubted that he’d be greeted with open arms at the heaven’s gate when his time comes.

“What are you thinking about?” Harry asked when he noticed how out of it Louis was. Spooning his dinner into his mouth almost automatically.

“Oh, sorry… God, I guess.” He shrugged and took a sip of his wine. The shift of temperature made his teeth ache.

“Okay.” Brunette snickered between the bites of his dinner. “Anything in particular?”

“Just… in general. Dying and stuff.” He pressed his lips together and burst out laughing when he realized how it came out.

“When the date is so boring, you’re thinking about dying.” Brunette joined his lover in laughter, their hands linking again when their empty plates were collected. The waiter had left them for a minute to let them decide on the dessert.

“No, no… please, no.” Tomlinson pleaded, still not completely recovered from laughing. “I just… I thought about heaven and hell and if any of this truly exists.” He tried to end the topic. “I know, stupid thing to think about during a date. I’m sorry, I’m all yours.”

“What are you ordering?” Styles asked when he noticed that Louis did not want to delve deeper into the existential reflections.

“I think I’ll go with cheesecake.” He answered and just as if he was called, William, their waiter returned to their table to take their order.

“Do we have a verdict?” The man asked with a polite smile on his face and Harry nodded.

“We’ll have cheesecake and the lemon meringue pie, thank you, William.” Brunette took upon himself ordering and the man nodded and left again just like he could just sense that Louis wanted them to be alone.

“Harry…” Tomlinson started, swallowing the lump in his throat with the sip of his wine. 

“Yes, love?” Styles brought all of his attention back to his lover, wiggling their linked fingers in the middle of the table.

“You know I love you, right? So, so much…” He asked, reassuring his partner of his feelings.

“Of course, I do, silly. I love you just as much.”

“I know that I’m not making anything easy on you with my stalling and I want you to know that I am serious about this. About us. I’m not playing with you and I will be yours, I just need a moment.” His eyes became teary when he laid his feelings out in front of his lover.

“I know, Louis. I understand.” Harry reached to wipe the tear that had not even fallen, the liquid smeared by his thumb immediately when it fell from Lou’s waterline. “Don’t worry about me, I can handle it. We’ve been through so much already, we’ll get through this too.” He smiled softly and propped his head on the hand that was touching Tomlinson’s cheek just a few seconds ago.

“We will get through this, we’ll get through anything. Together.” The smaller guy grazed his fingers over the top of his partner’s palm. It was soft, warm, very much comforting in this moment of distress which he had not anticipated at all. His body had betrayed him yet again, making him look like a complete baby in such a moment. “I promise you it’s not going to last long. I really do.” His voice grew quieter with every word that slipped past his lips. “For the time being… I want you to have this.” Louis lifted his partner’s hand and slid a silver band on his ring finger. “I want you to know that I’m very much serious about this. That I want you to be mine, I want to be yours. Forever.” His gaze met with Harry’s whose wide eyes shifted from the ring to Lou’s face.

“Did you just…” A blinding grin dimpled Styles’ cheeks, his emerald eyes filled with tears as he looked at his lover, the weight on his ring finger felt almost natural, like it had always been there.

“I think I might have, yeah.” Louis nodded, a nervous chuckle escaped his lips as he circled the ring with his index finger. “Fuck yeah, I did.” He continued, his confidence boosted by his partner’s wide smile. “Only if that’s what you want too. It doesn’t have to be an engagement ring. It could be a promise if you’d rather see it like that.” He swallowed despite his mouth being completely dry from the nerves.

“Aren’t promise rings kind of childish, though?” Harry teased his man. Yes, his man. He was the one with a ring on his finger, did Nellie have one? He didn’t think so.

“I guess they are.” Tomlinson shrugged with a shy smile.

“We’re not children, are we?” Louis shook his head. “I want that too. I want us, I want forever with you, Louis.” Styles looked even more beautiful with his face flushed, his eyes happier than ever. “I think we’re on the same page with this. Fuck I did not expect any of that.” He looked at his hand and smiled even wider, his eyes dreamy.

“I’m very glad that we are.” The shorter man pulled Harry’s left hand to his lips and pressed a kiss above the band he placed on it just a minute ago. A minute that felt like an eternity, the time seemed to slow down to let them enjoy the moment.

“You have no idea what you’ve unleashed with this.” Harry spun the ring around his finger. “You know I get jealous, and now… that you’re officially mine…” The grin seemed to immortalize on his face, not that Louis would mind seeing his man like that all the time. “I’m going to raise some hell.”

“I’ve expected nothing less from you.” Louis smiled and conveniently, the waiter brought their dessert just then after they had their moment.

Louis asked for the bill right away and they ate their treat in silence, fingers still in contact. All Tomlinson could think about was how normal it all felt. People were busy with themselves, there was no cheering, no tears. It was just them two, eating maybe a bit faster than they should, impatient to get back to Harry’s to enjoy their evening. What Styles didn’t know was that his boyfriend had an alibi for the night. No… his fiancé had an alibi. This fact would make him even more pleased that he already was.

All of Harry’s doubts have evaporated into thin air once that ring was slipped on his finger. He got used to it so quickly, it fit like a glove; like it was an integral part of him. Which was true to a certain extent. This band symbolised Louis, their love. And Louis was, is and always will be a part of him. The only thing in the world he couldn’t live without.

“I think I know the answer but…” Harry broke the silence disturbed only by their even breathing. It was late, very late and they were laying, their bodies intertwined in the dark, softened only by silver light flooding the bed through a window; a round face of the moon peeped on their tender moment. “Are those…”

“Yes.” Louis cut his man off when he saw brunette staring at the ring he now held between his fingers. He sighed just a bit when he counted the diamonds fitted between some other, blue stones. They were peaking shyly from the socket between two pieces of silver. “I got them from a ring my mom gave me. She got it from her grandmother, it had survived both wars. And now, those stones will outlive us, even our children probably.” Harry’s heart fluttered just a bit when he heard Louis talk about children as if he knew that it was a certain part of their future. From what they’ve discussed throughout their rocky relationship, it actually was.

“Your mom would be so pissed that you’ve destroyed it.” Styles chuckled and slipped the ring back where it belonged.

“She gave me the ring when we were still together, she had to know I’d fuck with it.” Louis chuckled at the memory of his mother and her stubborn face when she forced her son to take that ring from her. “Lottie will probably claw my eyes out when she finds out though, she always had her eyes on it.” He grazed his partner’s face with his fingers. “Do you like it? I’ve designed it myself. It’s not flashy, but it’s beautiful. Just like you are.” They exchanged a loving smile.

“I love it, it’s perfect.” Harry adored the piece of jewellery on his hand.

“I’ve added the blue ones...” Tomlinson searched his head for a name. “Sapphires because I wanted it to be blue.” Louis’ chest shook a bit when he chuckled under his man. “Blue is security, blue is loyalty and blue is trust. Things I never knew before I’ve met you, things you’ve taught and given me.” He pressed a kiss on his partner’s temple.

“And blue is your eyes. I love it. I love you.” Harry sighed into his fiancé’s chest, he was exhausted. They both were. From their days, from the dinner, from their own celebrations. It didn’t take a lot of time till they finally fell asleep and all Styles could think about was that this whole day was just a dream. That he’d wake up, alone with his lover in his girlfriend’s bed. He really hoped it wasn’t though…


	24. Chapter 24

It was Sunday, Louis had barely returned to his apartment before guests were there to join them for dinner. Much to Lou’s surprise, it was Zayn and Liam who arrived first. He had an idea that it had been Liam who insisted on getting there a bit early to help with things like setting the table and whatnot.

While Zayn, in his usual fashion was reserved, polite but as always unbothered; Liam was his polar opposite. The ease in which he and Nellie engaged in conversation was quite surprising to Louis, who knew Liam as the quiet man. Maybe he just wanted to overcompensate for his boyfriend’s behaviour. They were talking about Liam’s job, Nellie had mentioned that she’s a dental hygienist but there was not much to go on in regards to her profession.

Malik had stayed quiet, responding only when he was spoken to. He looked perceptive, though. As if he was evaluating Louis’ girlfriend and had certain categories on which basis he’d rate her later. He told a thing or two about his job, and only then Louis had learned that he handled cases of refugees that were struggling to get the citizenship. It was somewhat surprising to Tomlinson that his friend, who on the outside was this cold, unphased guy took care of such an important issue.

The dinner was almost ready when Niall and Eden joined the party, the girl had a different hairstyle than she had when he last saw her, that’s why, along with Liam, Louis had complimented the girl. She just loved getting compliments, but who didn’t.

They were sat in the living room, Louis’ eyes focused on the TV when the rest of the gathering was chatting along. Everybody but Zayn seemed to get a good connection with Nellie. Babbling about nothing in particular while the party waited for the last member. Malik looked at the clock and his gaze met with Louis’ when they’ve heard a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it.” Tomlinson sprung back on his legs and headed to the corridor, taking a turn right that separated him from the living room. He opened the door and his grin died a bit when he saw a smile on Harry’s face, the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“You just had to look like that today, didn’t you?” Louis sighed when he pressed his lips gently onto his fiancé’s; savouring the smell of Harry’s cologne when he slid off his body.

“I’m here to raise some hell.” Styles winked and took the lead, heading to the living room where a short, blonde girl was waiting to meet him. “Hi, I’m Harry. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Nellie. I’ve heard quite a lot about you.” Brunette offered the girl his most charming smile when he nodded his head politely to greet her.

“I hope whatever he told you was positive. It’s nice to meet you too, Harry.” The blonde smiled and pointed to the living room where Styles sat on the floor, next to Zayn who looked weirdly out of place without Liam clinging to his side. “Now that we’re all here, I’ll get the dinner plated.” Nellie announced and people got up from their seats. Some of them went to wash their hands, some, Harry included joined Lou’s girlfriend in the kitchen to help her.

Louis had noticed that his lover was maybe too well accustomed with the layout of things in the kitchen, but that wasn’t necessarily surprising since he was the one who arranged everything. Nellie had complimented on the organization of the cabinets and drawers, and Louis took the credit for it since he never really talked about his partner with the girl.

“Smells nice, you’ve used rosemary on the chicken, didn’t you?” Harry started the conversation, his tone completely unchanged. It was the tone Louis heard his partner use before. The first time he witnessed it, was with Lou’s mother. Tomlinson was not aware of the twisted game his partner was playing but he could see that he tried to charm the woman he hated with every bone in his body, despite the fact that it was Louis who was at fault for everything he hated her for.

“Yeah, I did. You’re cooking too?” Lou scoffed silently when he thought, how disappointed Harry will be with Nellie’s cooking. Or maybe it would be a complete opposite. Maybe he’d be happy that there’s another thing she will never beat him at. Styles had this weird competition going on ever since he first learned about Nellie. As if she ever could beat him in anything.

“I’m working part-time in a restaurant. I’ve been working in some over the holidays too. I’m very passionate about food, yeah.” Louis kept observing from a safe distance how Harry took the chicken apart like a professional he was, plating the meat on grey dishes which Nellie filled with roasted vegetables.

“What are you doing on the daily? Sorry if I’m being nosy, Louis just never seems to talk about you.” Louis could see the smirk that bent his man’s lips as he placed pre-made Yorkshire puddings on each plate.

“I’m studying Art Management, it gets busy so, right now mostly that. I work three days a week too. I’m a chef.” Harry shrugged. “Nothing that interesting, to be honest.”

“So, you’re an artist? What exactly do you do? Paint? Sculpt?” The girlfriend inquired, the rest of the group oblivious to what was going on in the kitchen, arguing over some competitive TV show. Louis kept his gaze somewhat hidden, so he wouldn’t be caught staring. He knew that Harry was aware of him, keeping an eye on the conversation but Nellie didn’t seem to notice.

“I paint, mostly. Sometimes I draw too but nothing stands a chance against a canvas and an easel. There’s just something so exciting about seeing your vision progress into something you’ve never anticipated.”

“It sure does sound exciting.” Nellie smiled and they brought the plates to the table. Guests taking their seats chosen by their preferred cut of meat. Louis, much to his disappointment stuck with white meat since it would be weird if he didn’t sit next to his girlfriend.

Just as if Harry had known his thoughts, he lifted himself from a seat opposite of his man and switched their plates; gaining himself attention from everybody at the table.

“Louis does not like breast, he likes dark.” Styles had explained himself and Zayn, for the first time during the evening found himself in the centre of attention when he choked on his drink. Liam’s hand flying to the rescue as he gave his partner few, hard smacks on the back.

Harry sat back on the chair like nothing happened, struggling just a bit to get settled between Niall and Liam since they were so close together due to the lack of space to entertain such a group in the small apartment. Louis hated the smirk that grew on his lips when he realized the ambiguity of his words. More than anything, Louis hated the way his body reacted to those words.

Just as if the memories of taking his man on every flat surface of the apartment he shared with his girlfriend wasn’t enough, now the words were playing over and over in his head, making his cock swell under the table as he watched his partner innocently pour gravy on his plate to help the dry meat slip down his throat.

“Niall, I’ve heard that you’ve got yourself a lady, is that right?” Nellie started a conversation when everybody was busy eating. Horan’s face lit up immediately when the topic of his girlfriend was brought up, it was still quite fresh but the man was crushing on that woman pretty hard.

“Yeah, I did. Her name is Chelsea, I met her at work.” He kept smiling, stuffing his mouth with food.

“At a bar? In what circumstances? That doesn’t sound like a place you’d like to meet somebody in.” Nellie scoffed and Louis caught the surprised look Liam had thrown at her after that uncalled for opinion.

“Oh, no. We sometimes have live music going on in the background and she was performing there once. She’s amazing. Really.” He tried to convince everybody that it was the truth. None of them had a chance to meet the woman, yet but nobody ever doubted in Niall’s judgement. Until Nellie apparently.

Just as Louis thought that the seemingly unplanned innuendo was the last of Harry rising hell that day, he felt his man’s foot grazing his own under the table, riding up his leg boldly, claiming his territory and Louis was embarrassed to admit how hot it felt to have his lover touch him so shamelessly with his girlfriend right next to him.

“Well, if you say so, Niall.” Nellie smiled at him, back to her pleasant side. “Now that you have somebody, maybe she’ll make you cut those sleepovers you have with Louis.” She chuckled sweetly as she glanced at ‘her’ man; his lips parted ever so slightly as his fiancé was feeling him up, causing a painful weight in his briefs.

“Wouldn’t be so sure about that, there’s still plenty of time for the boys, isn’t there?” Zayn took the matters in his own hands and forced a smile on his lips.

“Of course, there is.” Niall cackled when his friend rescued him from the awkward situation.

Harry’s foot got back on its place when Nellie searched for another person to talk to. Louis was left alone on the chair. Shaky and very much needy, his lover smirking at him proudly as he struggled through the meal.

“Eden, it was you who cut Louis’ hair, wasn’t it?” Tomlinson fully checked out when the topic shifted to all the different things Eden could do. Starting from cutting hair, through makeup and nails, ending on actually getting rid of hair. Considerably enough, she didn’t get into the details of hair removal too much.

The women babbled along about nothing in particular for quite some time, another conversation was going on between Liam and Niall who, yet again tried to convince Zayn’s partner to let him check out his gun. Harry was silent, so was Louis. They were eyeing each other all evening, exchanging meaningful gazes that seemed not to be caught by anyone, until Harry got cocky again and started massaging his man’s crotch with his foot, yet again.

This time, Zayn whispered something into his boyfriend’s ear and the leg that was reaching Louis was kicked off by Liam, Louis’ face flushed red when he caught Zayn’s gaze.

“Harry, that’s a beautiful ring you have on your finger.” Nellie noticed and just as she finished saying those words, Harry’s hand gravitated to his chest.

“Thank you, it was a gift.” Louis observed how his partner from cocky, suddenly turned timid, shifting in his seat when he felt everybody staring at him. By the reaction the piece of jewellery got from the rest of the group, Tomlinson could see that they all, some faster than others grasped the meaning of that band on Harry’s finger. Zayn gave Louis a panicked look and he only responded with a shrug.

“A beautiful gift, maybe I’ll get something like that someday too.” The girl nudged Louis’ arm and the moment was over. She pulled a few laughs from the guests but all Tomlinson could see were those sad eyes of Harry’s, plastered to the tablecloth.

“How long have all of you known Louis for?” Nellie asked when she noticed that it was the end of her brief exchange with Harry. Brunette’s mood was ruined completely by a joke about the engagement, which he perfectly knew was not going to happen. But Louis was aware that the situation was plenty hard for both of them, especially Styles since he was just kind of dropped into everything without a say. Louis had the power to actually end it, yet he didn’t do that. Now it was Tomlinson, who reached his foot and rubbed it over Harry’s in a comforting gesture. The student’s head still down, plastered to the band which he twisted around his finger.

“I’ve only met Louis when you’ve moved back to Manchester, officially. I have heard a lot about him from Zayn over two years or so, though. Eden met him right around the same time, right?” The girl nodded and took a sip of her tea.

“Who’s like the best friend though, the one who knows him the best? I want to get some dirt on him.” Nellie joked and everyone’s eyes jumped to Harry, who was still stuck in his thoughts.

“That would be me.” Niall had stepped into the occasion. "I’ve known him the longest, it’s only right that I’m the best friend.” He argued. “Don’t know if there’s any dirt on him, though.” Louis could see Zayn rolling his eyes as Horan lied in front of everybody. “Just that he’s a messy lad but you probably know that already.” Few laughs emerged around the table when Nellie got up and started collecting their empty dishes, Liam offering his help immediately.

“I’m sorry, I’m going for a smoke. Will be right back.” Harry finally spoke, and left the table, slipping outside to the backyard the apartment came with. Everybody knew how bullshit this excuse was, but neither seemed to comment on it. Louis without a thought excused himself and told the company that he’d join his friend.

When he found Harry, he was standing still, his back pressed to the brick wall as he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

“Harry, I’m sorry. This was a horrible idea.” Louis brought his arms around Styles’ neck and embraced him closely. Murmuring how much he loves him into his ear.

“I thought I could handle it better than I did.” Brunette apologized for his behaviour. “It’s just hard knowing that I can’t…”

“I know, baby. Don’t worry about it, you’ve done well considering the circumstances.” Tomlinson caught his partner’s left hand and started twisting the ring around his finger. “I’m all yours, remember?” He kissed his hand and nuzzled his face against it.

“Mine, not hers.” Harry’s face lit up just a bit. “We should probably get back.” Louis reached his lover’s lips and pressed a gentle kiss on them. He fixed Styles' shirt, which he crumpled with the hug and one, loving smile later they returned inside. Nobody really took notice of them entering because they seemed to be occupied with picking up a board game to play together.

“You keep arguing and I’ll get started on the dishes.” Louis announced and Harry’s stomach turned when he saw his fiancé brushing his finger over Nellie’s shoulder. Without a word, he followed Tomlinson to the kitchen where he took his ring off and started washing the dishes, accompanied by Lou, who dried them and put away on a pile.

“Don’t forget this.” Louis whispered and slipped the ring back where it belonged; when he saw that his girlfriend had her back turned to them, he managed to steal a quick kiss before they went back to the living room and sat on the floor. Tomlinson, without thinking too much, wiggled himself in a tight space between Harry and Zayn, drawing some kind of comfort from the way his knees touched Styles’ due to the lack of space in the room.

“Oh my god! No, Zayn. What the fuck?!” Louis cackled when Malik had admitted to creating one of the vilest sentences each and every single person sitting in that living room had ever heard. Niall’s prominent laugh filling the space ever since the sentence was read by Eden.

They’ve spent over two hours, playing cards against humanity and everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves. Zayn, Louis and Niall in competition as to which one creates the most disturbing mix of cards, the rest playing along and entertaining their sick ideas. Even Harry came alive for just a bit to voice how appalling one of Niall’s creation was, only to dim back to his usual state.

“My beer’s empty, does anybody have the same problem?” Louis asked when he got up from the floor, he was handed three other bottles. One of which was Harry’s.

“Thank you for this evening, it’s been lovely but I think I’ll head home. I have a paper due tomorrow and it’s still not close to finished.” Styles got up from the floor and stretched his lean body before he left the living room, leaning over Nellie who smiled at him and thanked for coming to hang out.

Louis rushed to deliver the beers and offered to walk Harry to the door, missing one of the rounds in the process.

“What did you tell her?” Louis chuckled when he watched his man, leaning on the doorframe.

“I told her the dinner was delicious and thanked for an invitation, that’s it.” Styles shrugged and smiled at his man who seemed to look less moody without Nellie in sight.

“You’re full of shit, Styles.” The smaller man teased him and fingers he’s been holding slipped away from his embrace.

“Are we still on for tomorrow?” Brunette asked and leaned over to steal a quick farewell kiss.

“We are, I’m going to call you when we’re done with this.” Lou gave his partner a loving smile and Harry was off to get home.

“This was nice, wasn’t it?” Nellie broke the silence when they were cleaning up the apartment after everybody was gone. It was quite late, almost midnight when they were left alone after an enjoyable evening together.

“It was, even Zayn came alive when we played the game. I did not expect him to.” Louis chuckled as he put the dishes he cleaned with Harry in the rightful spot.

“Harry didn’t though, he was weird. What’s his deal?” The girl asked and Lou could feel his stomach contracting at the memory of the hurt expression on his partner’s face.

“It’s just Harry, he’s just quiet like that.” Tomlinson lied, knowing that his girlfriend will most likely never get to see Styles’ loud, bubbly side. “Did you like them?”

“Liam and Eden are so nice and Niall of course. It was nice seeing him again.”

“Did I hear correctly that you’ve made some plans with Eden?” Louis asked, to be completely honest, he was not happy about his two worlds colliding like that.

“Yes, she agreed to dye my hair, it could use some attention.”

“What about Zayn and Harry, though?” Tomlinson asked, curious when he laid back on the couch.

“I don’t know about Zayn, he just seems arrogant.” The girl shrugged and sat on the armchair to Lou’s left. “And Harry… he’s gay, isn’t he?” Louis felt himself getting infuriated at the condescending tone.

“Is there something wrong if he is?” He asked, his fist clutched so hard, his knuckles turned white.

“I don’t mind them…” The last word surprisingly venomous. “But isn’t that a bit too much, with the nails and stuff?”

“He’s my friend, I don’t care how he dresses like.” He shrugged and loosened his fist. “You liked Liam, are you going to change your mind if I tell you he’s gay too?” He mocked the girl and he could hear the breath getting stuck in her throat.

“Is he? No, he isn’t!” She protested using that weird voice which made a cameo when she gossiped with her friends.

Louis was not sure why Zayn and Liam chose to be separate during the evening but apparently, they were doing good enough of a job to fool Nellie.

“Sorry to break it to you.” Louis shrugged and got up from the couch. “I’m going to grab a beer or two with Harry, he seemed like he could use a friend.” He announced and put his hoodie on. “Don’t wait for me, I might stay at his tonight.” Lou did not wait for a response, there might have not been any coming. Nellie wasn’t clueless enough to miss that her boyfriend was upset.

And that’s what Tomlinson did. He took an Uber to his boyfriend’s apartment to compensate for that trainwreck of a dinner they had both been through…

~*~

“Why aren’t you asleep? Come back to bed.” Louis murmured when he woke up in the middle of the night to Harry sitting at the desk, scribbling frantically in one of his notebooks. He stopped when he heard his partner and obeyed, pressing himself close to his man, his face nuzzled against Lou’s bare chest and inhaled softly, finding comfort in the familiar scent in combination with the serenity of his childhood bedroom. The bedroom where their relationship had fully flourished during the Christmas break a few years prior.

“I needed to get some things off my chest.” Harry admitted, exhaling slowly when he felt Lou’s fingers brushing his scalp.

“You should’ve woken me up.” Louis sighed, knowing damn well that Styles would never do that. Especially when it was that late, the sky had barely started getting navy, which meant it had to be something around five in the morning.

Harry was not sleeping well these past three nights they’ve spent together in Holmes Chapel. It had everything to do with the grim circumstances that brought them to Cheshire.

It was short to a week after the engagement when Louis found his fiancé laying on his couch, crying after he arrived from work for their scheduled meeting. He got frightened pretty bad before Harry told him that his stepfather had passed away. Then it got really weird. To be completely honest, Louis was never really close with Robin. Of course, his untimely death was very much saddening but more than that, Louis was concerned about Harry’s wellbeing. Brunette wouldn’t really show how hurt he was, after that initial outburst. He was just… empty, for the lack of a better word. Louis, however, had an idea how it felt to lose a parent and that’s why, without even consulting Nellie, he packed some essentials and drove his partner to his hometown.

Louis spent pretty much every minute of their days in Cheshire by his partner’s side. It fully depended on Harry’s mood whether they were talking or just being quiet together, it didn’t matter, though. Styles knew that he had full emotional support in his fiance and that was the most important thing. He had somebody to confide in, hold his hand and just be there so he wouldn’t have time to overthink. 

Harry’s surficial composure turned out to be something running in the family, most likely passed down with Anne’s genes since the woman and both her children seemed to be grieving silently, their days seemed to be somewhat normal for the most part. This was not how Louis remembered his process, not by a long shot. He was useless when his mother died, first three days spent on one-person pity parties he threw for himself; getting drunk and thinking. It took him embarrassingly long to realize that he was not the only one who lost a mother and he had to step into big brother’s shoes and be there for his siblings who were younger and less aware of their mother’s state. Then, his little parties were moved to the late evenings, but they still were there.

One thing that Harry’s family did, was to spend quite a lot of time together, but that might have been the normal state of things, every day Louis had been in Holmes Chapel they used to hang out together a lot, but somehow it felt different that time. Perhaps it was Robin’s absence, maybe it was something else. Maybe they just relied on each other to silently provide the emotional comfort to one another. Whether it were their meals together or just laying on the couches in front of the TV every single evening of Harry’s visit. 

Louis was not sure if he was a fan of his partner’s faux composure, it was not once and not twice he was fooled by it in the past, leading to him not being there for Harry when he needed him. That’s why he was particularly clingy and supportive throughout the visit, just in case; not holding his affections back even when Harry’s extended family started coming to his childhood home to visit or stay the night before the funeral. 

It was Gemma who first noticed the ring on Harry’s finger, she was suspicious about the jewellery but both Harry and Louis insisted that it was just a ring, without much meaning behind it. The woman let the topic be brushed off, even though Louis had his doubts whether she believed him or not, it was quite a ring for it to be nothing in particular after all. It surely did not feel like the right time to announce their engagement though, especially when their situation was still not entirely clear. 

It started clearing out for Louis, though. Nellie was livid about Lou’s unannounced absence, she kept on calling him and yelling through the phone, insulting both him and Harry in the process until Tomlinson just had enough and shut his phone down altogether. The girl’s reaction and the whole negative attitude she had towards his friends, Harry especially left a bitter taste in his mouth and his view of the girlfriend was tainted by her unexpected behaviour. Even before the trip to Holmes Chapel, she’d try to limit Lou’s outings with friends that were, in reality just an alibi to spend some time with Harry but she had no way of knowing that it was just an excuse.

And they were just living there, day by day. Spending time with Harry’s family, supporting each other silently and mourning the death of the head of the family. The lack of Robin’s humorous presence was very much noticeable despite Louis’ hardest efforts to provide comic relief when it was appropriate. 

When the day of the funeral came, Harry used all of his power not to burst out crying during the ceremony. Louis could tell that by the way he clutched his hand when they stood side by side during the final farewell with a man who raised Styles to be the man, he grew up to be. To be completely honest, even Tomlinson had troubles keeping a straight face. It was just a lot, he kept thinking about Harry’s mental state which only led to him thinking about his mother, on top of that there was also actual mourning of his partner’s stepfather and the pile was way bigger than Louis could deal with.

A lot of people gathered to send Robin off on his final journey. After the ceremony, the closest family stayed just for a bit longer and took some more time to say their final goodbyes. Louis was amongst those people, solely to be his fiance’s emotional support, not letting go of his hand for the entire time they were there, loosening the grip he had on brunette’s hand only when they got back to the house, his hand still laced with Styles’ when Tomlinson took upon himself the dreaded task of driving. 

“I love you so much.” Louis murmured, his fingers grazing his partner’s face delicately as they swung in the garden, brunette’s head resting on his man’s lap, legs bent in the knees as they separated from the rest of the guests that came to Anne’s house for a little something in the shape of the wake. A small dinner for the closest family to celebrate Robin’s life.

Harry was in the mood for none of that, that’s why, after quite a bit of persuading Louis had managed to pull him away from the people and they just hung out in the garden where the gathering took place. Seemingly still participating, but to be completely honest, they were in a whole another world. It was just them, tender gazes exchanged between the men when they swung, sheltered from the scorching sun by the leaves of a tree, ruffled by the wind.

“Thank you.” Styles pressed his lips together and pulled one of Lou’s petite hands to his chest, lacing their fingers together.

“Love you too would also work.” Tomlinson smiled at his partner in amusement, the expression reciprocated for a split second.

“You know what I mean.” Brunette shook his head as he sighed deeply. “Did you talk to her?” He asked, brows knit together making his gaze seem more serious.

“My phone’s still shut down.” Louis shrugged. “Don’t even know where it is, to be honest.”

“What are you going to tell her when we go back? It’s soon, she’s going to want an explanation.”

“I don’t know, I don’t care, honestly.” Lou’s soft breath brushed his partner’s face when he exhaled sharply, he truly did not care. 

“She’s pretty pissed, isn’t she?” Harry chuckled, and kept playing with his lover’s fingers, he got this strange satisfaction from the fact Tomlinson’s girlfriend was mad at him, one that he would never admit to before anybody, one that he was embarrassed to acknowledge before himself.

“I guess she is, do you blame her?”

“No, not really.” Harry smiled softly, he pulled Louis down with his tie and kissed him, seeking solace in their closeness. It worked, he was really glad that Louis had decided to go with him, even though he got himself in quite of a pickle with his girlfriend for leaving so suddenly.

“You’re sure you want to go back on Sunday?” The shorter one asked, they’ve spent five days already in Harry’s hometown yet he didn’t feel like leaving in two days, he didn’t even mind using up his vacation days on that little trip of theirs.

“Yeah, my mom is driving me crazy with all the questions.” 

Yeah, Anne asked a lot. But neither of them could really blame her for doing that. To her and Gemma’s knowledge, this relationship was long gone, Harry never mentioned about their reunion when he talked to his mom on the phone, perhaps he didn’t want to tell her anything until they were officially back together, fair enough. That’s why the women were quite surprised when Louis arrived with Harry, nevertheless, they welcomed him with open arms, like the whole breakup never happened.

“Are you cold?” Louis asked when he felt the shiver that shook Harry’s body. They spent over five hours hoarding the swing, occasionally letting one of the small cousins hop on for a bit. Then the whole wake thing concluded, they helped Anne with cleaning the place up and returned to their spot, blankets wrapped around them as they swung, it was late. Very late. The stars shone brightly on the pitch-black sky, all lights in the house were off, everybody but them was asleep. 

“No, I’m not.” Styles shook his head frantically, unwilling to go back to the house because somehow, it still felt like there were somewhere else, the problems they had did not matter, they did not exist until they were there, on the swing that with every passing minute was less and less comfortable. 

“You’re sure?” Tomlinson saw through his partner’s bullshit and covered him with his blanket, even though he, himself might have been just a bit cold in his t-shirt and sweats which he changed into when the guests were gone.

“Now you’re cold.” 

“Scoot over, then” Tomlinson commandeered and sure enough, Harry made enough space for him to lay partially on hard planks, the other piece of his body pressing into his partner’s side but none of them seemed to mind too much. Harry pulled him even closer, encasing their bodies in two layers of thick fabric as they swung until they fell asleep right there, under the stars, the moon watching over them as they slept through the rest of the night.

~*~

“I’m sorry I left like that, it was urgent.” Louis apologized yet again for his sudden absence but Nellie seemed to have none of it. She was pacing their apartment ever since she let threw a fit and screamed out every insult imaginable at her boyfriend who to be completely honest, let her words be swept away by the breeze, none of her yelling ever hooked inside of his brain.

“How is this urgent? His father died, tragic! What I don’t get is how does that involve you?” The woman was still pissed, just as Harry predicted. It didn’t help that it was not the first time they’ve argued over Styles.

After the dinner, when Louis left to spend the night at his friend’s; brunette returned quite frequently as a basis of their arguments. Mostly because Louis was still hurt over the sheer disgust Nellie spewed out whenever she talked about Harry. He had enough of her saying vile shit about his partner when she never spoke in such a manner about neither Zayn nor Liam, so this could not be only the issue of his homosexuality. Not that her homophobia would make things any better. Nellie went as far as straight-up saying, that she doesn't want Louis having friends like THAT. 

“I knew Robin, I wanted to be there for his funeral. Why is this so bad?” Tomlinson sat on the couch and took his phone out of his pocket, adding fuel to the fire with his composure. What else he could do? He just decided to let the girl have her moment and perhaps text Harry while she was at it.

_ “You’re alive yet? Should I call the police?”  _ Lou received a message from his fiance, one that made him smirk, the expression noticed by Nellie.

“Do you know parents of all of your friends? Did Harry know your mother? Was he at the funeral as well? It was not him who collected your mess, it was me! Maybe he should get himself a boyfriend or something to sort his shit out, you’re not the one to do that.” She screamed, her face getting redder and redder with every word, her hands flying in all directions when she gesticulated heavily.

“He was at the funeral, and you did not collect shit. Don’t flatter yourself, Nellie. You know where I was the night of the funeral? Why I wasn’t there when you woke up? I went to Harry, I needed to talk to somebody because you were just too busy to listen, too busy babbling about how sad you were even though you barely even met her! She loved Harry, she adored him! Because everybody does, it’s only you who has this stupid bias towards him. Because of what? Everything was fine and then after the dinner, you’ve turned into this…” Louis’ composure broke when the woman brought the topic of his mother, the topic that he did not want to bring out, especially during Nel’s stupid tantrums. Suddenly, he felt the heat of anger spreading throughout his whole body. He was overwhelmed with everything. He was stressed with work, with managing his double life, he was worried about Harry who still was in this weird state of numbness, hidden behind a mask. Now, more than ever he was needed and he couldn’t always be there for him. He felt frustrated, stuck in this caricature of a relationship which he dragged out only from the sympathy he had for Nellie.

“You know what? Fuck you, Louis! All I do is be there for you and cater to all of your needs and get nothing in return, never ask for anything for all that matter. You’ve been treating me like shit ever since your mother died, running back to those stupid friends of yours every chance you get and what do I have left? I keep making excuses for you because apparently you’re too busy to even take an hour off your week and go to church with me.” The woman’s voice grew a bit quieter, lower-pitched when she leaned on the counter and threw daggers at Louis with her sight.

“You and that fucking church.” Louis pushed an exaggerated sigh out of his lungs. “Church this, church that. It’s all you have to say? Switch things up for once, don’t you see that I don’t give a fuck about going there?” The man scoffed. “Don’t even get me started about being there for me… When was the last time you showed any kind of interest in my life? Only complaints, the beard is awful, the cigarettes smell bad, the haircut is bad, blah, blah… It’s nothing new, it’s all been there before and now you’re acting brand new and complaining. It’s just church, complaints and fucking engagement with you, change a record for once because it’s just fucking boring at this point.”

“Is it really that weird that I think about settling down after what? Two years of being together? Grow the fuck up Louis, we’re not children anymore. I won’t be waiting forever, you need to realize that your boys will get bored soon and perhaps spend some more time with me instead of those little fag friends of yours. Why are they all gay either way? Is there something I should know about you?” The girl scoffed, a derisive smile on her face when she looked at Louis with sheer disgust painted on her friends.

“You know what? I don’t think you need to worry about any of that, to be honest.” Tomlinson sent her a sickeningly sweet smile and just left the living room, pulling the duffel bag he just unpacked and started chucking some pieces from his wardrobe into it.

“What are you doing? Where are you going again?” The woman asked when she leaned on the doorframe, hands crossed on her chest. “Why am I even asking.” She scoffed. “Go to that faggot, you’ll come back when he rapes you in your sleep or something.” Nellie spewed as she watched her boyfriend pack. "Or maybe you'll like it, who knows." The woman mocked. 

“Jesus, you’re such a blind bitch. What a fucking waste of time.” Louis chuckled bitterly when he zipped his bag and threw it over his shoulder. “Don’t call me. I want nothing to do with you. I’ll come for the rest of my stuff when you’re at work.” He threw one last look at the woman and grabbed his wallet and keys from the kitchen island. The feeling of freedom he felt when he crossed the threshold couldn’t have been compared to anything else, he ever experienced. It was exhilarating, it was freeing and the last thing he felt was guilty. He’d ask his friends to meet the girl earlier if he knew the event would have such a glorious conclusion.

Harry stood in front of the stove, alone in his apartment, as per usual when he heard a key turning in the lock and his heart started beating harder. He knew who it was, unannounced visits became more and more frequent and Styles could not be happier. Especially that he was feeling kind of down lately and Louis put all his efforts into being there to comfort his partner.

Styles did not turn away from the pan he was scrambling eggs on, he waited for one of those hugs from behind which his fiancé always gave him when he was cooking, but the embrace was not there, even after a while since the door was locked by Louis. Only then he turned on his heel to meet the widest grin he had ever seen on that beloved face of Lou’s. It took him a while to peel his eyes off the smile and notice a bag that was filled with so much stuff, the zipper popped open; his heart jumped to his throat when he dared to think about what it meant.

“You didn’t…” He shook his head, and even though he tried not to get excited, tears were already pushing on his waterline.

“I'm pretty sure I actually did.” Louis’ voice was higher-pitched than usual, only indicating that he was just as happy as Harry was.

In the last moment of clarity, Harry turned the burner off and approached his man. Yes, HIS man. Taking him in a tight embrace, rising him up in the air as he kissed Louis’ face.

“You’re mine, you really are mine now.” Brunette cried out, his fingers resting on Lou’s jaw when they looked into each other’s eyes, the picture distorted with the tears that wouldn’t stop slipping down his face. It was the happiest they’ve ever been. Maybe even happier than during the evening when they’ve promised forever to each other.

“Would you mind if I stay on your couch for a while?” Louis joked when they laid on the bed together, still denying the reality of the situation they’ve found themselves in. Bodies intertwined, every dark thought that tormented any of them before, now pushed to the realm of things insignificant. 

“I would, actually.” Styles deadpanned and turned to face his partner; the dimples seemed to immortalize in Harry’s cheeks as the grin barely left his face throughout the night. Louis was there, Harry was there and nobody else but them. This was what they always wanted, they were together, really together. At last.


	25. Chapter 25

“How are you even real, Tomlinson?” Harry sighed deeply when he took one last look at his man before they sat down. A well-tailored suit hugging every curve of Louis’ body perfectly, accentuating his prominent bottom which Styles just adored, especially that it became even fuller since the man put on a little weight. “So gorgeous.” Brunette whispered into his fiancé’s ear when he pushed his chair just a bit before he settled next to him. They were was not many people in the venue when they’ve arrived. It probably wouldn’t be the case if they haven’t shown up late to the church, the situation forcing them to stand the closest to the entrance when they watched Harry’s friend getting married.

There were six other seats by their table. Two of which were not a mystery, Zayn and Liam seated to Louis’ right. Curious, Harry took a stroll around the table and Louis could see his man physically cringe at one of them.

“Oh god, who’s that?” Tomlinson tried to better his partner’s mood with an encouraging smile.

“Alex.” Styles sighed, a worried look on his face when he observed Lou’s reaction that seemed unexpectedly mild.

“I don’t care, do you?” The shorter one shrugged when Harry sat down, he searched for his man’s hand and braided their fingers together, resting the hands in his lap.

“Wait till he starts telling his stories, I guess you have the advantage since you haven’t heard a bunch of them like three hundred times already. Zayn is going to be pissed.” Brunette scoffed and there they were, Zayn and Liam, hand in hand walking to their table. Liam pulling the outside chair for his partner.

“Maybe it will be better if Zayn sits between me and you.” Louis addressed Payne, his words meeting with a confused look on both faces.

“Alex is sitting with us.” Harry explained and Louis could see the soul leaving Malik’s eyes when he cursed under his breath.

“We’re going to need A LOT of booze.” Malik sighed and sure enough, he sat between Louis and his own plus one.

“Sure thing.” Tomlinson patted his friend on the back. “Maybe this time I will be getting your ass away from a fight.” The man chuckled, yet again doing a good job of lifting his companion’s spirits up.

“I think the bar is already open, we might as well get a head start if the company is going to be that difficult.” Liam announced and smiled at Louis who got up from his seat to join him.

“What are you drinking?” The shortest one leaned over to ask his boyfriend.

“Bleach.” Harry scoffed, pulling laughs from all of his companions. “Whiskey’s good, thank you, baby.” He pressed a kiss to Lou’s palm before he left with Liam to fetch their beverages.

“Looking dashing, Elton.” Zayn acknowledged Harry’s vibrant, suit in a colour of aubergine, which stood out like a sore thumb from the crowd of plain, black and navy ones. The buttons of his patterned shirt were opened just a bit, a patch of hair peeking from Styles’ chest, his silver cross shining in contrast with his skin.

“Do I look dumb?” Brunette sighed, he was already kind of regretting his choice and his friend’s remark did not make the case any better.

“Are you kidding? You look fit, don’t worry mate.” Malik reassured him and thankfully, Styles’ face lit up. He knew that his friend wouldn’t hold back if he actually looked stupid. “I bet Louis had a hard time letting you out of the house when he saw you.” The man winked at the brunette and dragged his fingers through his own, dyed blonde hair which was reduced to a simple buzzcut, a style Zayn was not used to just yet, hence him constantly fixing hair that was not there anymore.

“Why do you think we were late?” The student smirked at the memory of them steaming his pants in a rush since they just couldn’t fight the urge.

“So… Alex?” The shorter man brought the conversation to the unpleasant territory. “What does Louis think about that?”

“He said he doesn’t care.” A simple shrug shook Harry’s body. “We’ll get through it, Z. We have to.” A reassuring smile bent Styles’ lips, his cheeks dimpled adorably.

“Was that genuine though? We don’t want to have another Jonah situation on our hands, do we?”

“I don’t think he was lying.” The curls bounced around brunette’s head when he shook his head just a little. “Even if he did, what’s a wedding without a fight?” The man joked as if a vision of Louis fighting with anybody, let alone a man bigger than him wasn’t making him nauseous.

“Does he know about Jo…” Harry cut his friend off with a gesture of his hand, flinching at the mention of his stalker.

“He does but you mentioning him doesn’t help, I’m repressing that memory.” Styles pretended that he was gagging before he noticed his boyfriend, gracefully slipping through people who slowly gathered in the venue.

“I swear, I will never speak of it again then.” Zayn promised and brought his full attention to Liam whose head stuck above Louis’ due to their height difference.

“Sorry, there was quite a lot of people at the bar.” Louis excused them and gave his boyfriend the drink.

“If every table has an Alex kind of guy, I’m not really surprised.” Malik joked and took a sip of his whiskey. “They should’ve just given us a few bottles up front.”

“We were stupid for not seeing this coming, of course, he was going to be here. Of course, they sat us together.” Harry kept nagging, immediately cutting his complaining when the rest of the table arrived. At first, neither Zayn nor Harry even recognized the unwelcome guest, his hair sloppily dyed black, fringe falling lazily on his face, stuck to his forehead due to the humidity that made the heat even more unbearable.

“Harry? Zayn! Fuck it’s good to see you again.” Alex’s face lit up at the sight of his old friends. The fakest of smiles also appeared on Malik’s and Styles’ faces when they got up to squeeze the familiar hand and the other ones which belonged to men whom Harry kind of knew from school but not enough to remember their names.

This situation was quickly resolved by Louis when brunette introduced him as his fiancé. More than telling everybody that Louis and he are engaged, he loved how caught off guard Alex was by the revelation. When the introduction was over, Harry felt less insecure knowing other men’s names, since they repeated them for both Louis and Liam. The new company just sat down and entertained themselves with a chat.

Much to their satisfaction, the table kind of divided into two groups that never really mixed too much. Harry’s friend group back on their usual bullshit, trying hard not to create opportunities for others, especially Alex to join their conversation. Their plan was working, up until the entrees were served. Styles’ circle was on their third drinks at that point.

Unfortunately, Zayn commented on the dish in some way, seeking Harry’s opinion on it and that was the great mishap that opened a window for Alex to join. Somehow, he managed to bring the conversation to his life, such an Alex thing to do.

Turned out, that he had even more stories to tell about all of the exciting things he was doing in London, where he moved back after only a year of studying in Manchester. The best thing that probably happened in Zayn’s life. Harry could swear he saw tears in those deep, brown eyes of his when he shared the news with Styles. In spite of Malik’s deepest wishes, Alex did not leave him alone when he stopped talking to Harry.

Louis was the absolute angel all the way through, sitting by brunette’s side, holding his hand and entertaining the whole table with humorous banter. He went on quite a bunch of drink runs with Liam, by the halfway mark, when he got an insight of the importance of those runs, the bartender served their drinks with the highest priority, so neither Harry nor Zayn had to stay long without a beverage and their partners. 

To be completely honest, Tomlinson didn’t find this Alex guy even half as annoying as his man and friend painted him to be. Yeah, he was quite full of himself, obnoxious and kept on babbling about the backpacking trips he frequently takes. He also preached about things like human rights, freeing his mind from technology and then jumped back to his iPhone, which was a very ironic occurrence, the only thing that pretty much begged for snarky comment.

Liam seemed to have a similar outlook on the guy from his boyfriend’s past. He might have been a little more averse to the guy, only because he was with Zayn back then and heard the stories about Alex’s borderline stalking behaviour. Louis only had that particular evening to judge the man, and his conclusion was that he knew more irritating people. In one instance he even had a thought that the man would make a great pair with Nellie, both the same amount of ignorant.

“You look tired, how about we head home?” Tomlinson leaned to his partner, pressing his flattened palm to his chest. The time was quickly approaching midnight but the reception still went on, not even foreshadowing a quick ending.

“Please.” Styles sighed and looked over the table to find there only two of the four men that they have spent the evening with.

They got up from their seats, politely said goodbye to their companions and left the table, followed by Zayn and Liam who were the instigators of their untimely leaving.

“Did you like the wedding?” Harry asked when he finally fell back onto his comfortable bed, his bottom aching from sitting on the chair the entire evening since Louis didn’t even want to hear a word about dancing. That’s why Styles stayed seated for pretty much the entirety of the reception, Louis’ bum, at least got a relief when he went to the bar or have a cigarette with Zayn.

“It was nice, not really in my style but it was fine.” Louis shrugged as he struggled to undress his partner, who refused to cooperate. He tugged on the pants, not even concerned about wrinkling them, since both of their suits had to be dry cleaned due to the sweat the fabric had absorbed on that surprisingly warm day, only exaggerated by the number of people that gathered to celebrate the union.

“What is your style then?” Brunette took pity on his man and lifted his hips just a bit, letting Tomlinson take his clothes off.

“Something smaller. Way smaller.” The petite man wondered about his dream wedding. “Open-air, a lot of it.” He sighed when he remembered the stuffy atmosphere in the venue where Luna’s wedding took place.

“Glad we’re on the same page.” Harry giggled quietly, finding something amusing in the way Lou was clumsily unbuttoning his shirt.

“God, you’re such an annoying drunk.” Louis sighed yet again, still adoring his partner who acted like a child on a rare occasion when he got particularly plastered. “I love you.” He whispered when he finally found his way to the bed, the lights all off but he still was lost in those eyes he loved so much, the green slightly fogged up by the alcohol-induced haziness.

“I’d marry you anywhere.” Styles beamed, his right hand grazing his partner’s cheek. Neither of them spoke again. Exhausted and happy, they fell asleep, both secretly thinking about the day they would finally after all the hardships tie the knot.

~*~

“This game is fucking rigged, I’m out.” Louis threw his hands in the air in frustration and got up to fetch Harry and him another beer.

“How is this rigged, though?” Niall asked with his guitar tucked under his arm.

“Don’t worry, he’s just bitter that they’re losing.” Zayn scoffed and their Irish lad started pulling on the strings yet again, playing some song that neither Louis nor Harry could guess.

“Radioactive!” Eden jumped in her seat when she guessed correctly and got a point, ecstatic even though nobody even kept the score.

“All Harry listens to are some hippie 80’s records, this is not fair.” Tomlinson kept whining when he gave his partner a new beer, sitting on a log next to him, slouching just a bit to keep the physical contact.

“It’s your boyfriend… fiancé, whatever. You want to abandon ship because of a stupid game that doesn’t even matter?” Malik kept mocking the man who took their activity way too seriously. “Harry, you better think this through. In sickness, in health but not in a bonfire game apparently.” Lou felt Harry’s body tremble when he laughed at the joke, which only infuriated him further.

“I think I’m going to get the tent set up before I’m too drunk to do that.” Styles said and slapped his knees before he got up, leaving his man to throw thunders with his gaze. Liam, without a word, joined Harry to help him, because that’s what Liam did.

“I don’t care about this game, are we doing something else?” Louis finally spoke and pushed a half-burned log with a stick, a bunch of fiery sparks flew up, only to die immediately.

“What? Truth or dare?” Zayn scoffed. “There’s only so many games we can play without lifting our asses.”

“Might as well.” A small shrug shook Louis’ silhouette and he just could see how Eden lit up seeing the possibility of getting some dirt on her friends. “Let’s wait for Li and Haz, though. I think I have a question for one of them.” The man looked over his shoulder to find their tent pretty much set up, men were only occupied with setting up the pump for the air mattress.

“Yeah, what are you going to ask him to marry you or something?” Niall scoffed, still strumming on his guitar some unidentified melodies.

“Ha, ha, ha.” Louis deadpanned; his head turned when he felt two, big palms on his shoulders, massaging his tense muscles. But then, Harry disappeared again. A loud sound of the electrical pump briefly made talking impossible but then it died and both Harry and Liam came back. Styles draped his fleece jumper over Louis’ goosebumps-covered arms and sat back next to him, pulling him closer to share some of his warmth.

“We’re playing truth or dare, you’re in?” Niall asked men that returned to the circle. Bright orange light cast on their faces when they smirked at the childish proposition.

“Sure, I’d like to see any of us getting up from here, though.” Liam commented when he searched for Zayn’s hand, he found it hanging loosely and intertwined their fingers, resting them on his lap.

“Then we’ll spill some tea, can’t say I’m disappointed.” Eden rubbed her hands together, both in excitement and in order to get them warm. She was leaning on Niall, wrapped up in his hoodie.

“Fucking hell.” Zayn cursed through his teeth when he tried to swat a mosquito that bothered him. “Who’s starting?” He asked and gulped from his bottle. “I’m out, be right back. Anyone else?” He took two more bottles from their friends and brought them new ones from the fridge, along with the bag of pretzels he kept for himself.

“Eden, truth or dare?” It turned out to be Liam who started off the game.

“Truth, I’m not risking it with your dumb asses.” The girl shook her head and brought her bare feet closer to the fire.

“Do you REALLY enjoy taking care of our hair, painting Harry’s nails and stuff?” The man started innocently enough. A slight smirk appeared on Eden’s lips when she felt every single pair of eyes on her.

“Yes, for the most part. It gets annoying when you’re drunk and can’t sit still for a minute.” She gave Niall a meaningful gaze because he was the one, who was guilty of this offence predominantly .“Okay, my turn. Harry?”

“Truth.” Styles murmured and got back to nuzzling his face in his partner’s hair. 

“Will you let me paint your nails for the wedding?”

“Don’t you think it’s quite early for wedding arrangements?” Harry scoffed and asked his man a question with his gaze. Louis just shrugged, a smile tugging the corners of his lips. “But sure, why the hell not.” The man took a bit of time thinking about his options. “Niall?”

“Dare. I’m not saying shit to you, assholes.” The man cackled and waited for the assignment.

“Eh, I don’t know. Cannonball into the river.” Harry shrugged, secretly hoping that Irish lad opted for the question. 

“How much more basic can you get?” Zayn scoffed as they saw Niall undressing. He stood bare ass naked on the pier for just a bit before he jumped, screaming when the cold water came into contact with his skin.

It didn’t take long for Niall to return, soaked, shivering with his manhood hidden in his palm. He took a beach towel from Louis and dried himself before putting his clothes back on.

“I regret everything.” He complained, wrapped up in a blanket Eden shared with him as they got their bench closer to the fire. “Louis.” The man decided to take a jab at Harry by targeting his partner.

“Truth, I’m not doing any of that.” Lou pointed at his friend’s quivering jaw. It wasn’t even that cold, but a dunk in the river was the last thing he felt like doing.

“Is this going to be one of those forever engagements that never really lead to the wedding?” Horan crossed the arms on his chest as he gave his friend an inspecting gaze, so did the rest of the company, even Harry.

“No, there’s going to be a wedding. Chill, we’ve barely got engaged.” Louis noticed the wide grin on his fiancé’s face and to be completely honest, he was surprised that Styles even had to hear the answer. He thought they were on the same page. “I kinda have a date in mind.” The man admitted. “Liam?” Louis finally got the chance to ask a question which he changed million times over the course of their short game.

“Give me that damn question.” The officer rolled his eyes to the dark sky.

“Would you agree to go on a date with Zayn if he told you he was a top?” Tomlinson asked, and now it was Zayn himself who looked very interested in the answer.

“Probably not.” Payne answered after a while of contemplation and took a swig of his drink immediately.

“Fair enough.” Louis commented and looked at Liam, who picked his next target.

“Niall?” Horan brought his head up and looked at the policeman, defeated.

“Truth.” The Irish one sighed; reluctant to the idea of another dare.

“Does Chelsea actually have a gig or she just doesn’t want to meet us?”

“She has a gig, it’s not about you.” Horan raised his eyes to the stars. “Eden?”

“Truth.”

“Was that guy you were seeing an actual asshole or did you just get bored?” Niall asked a question that was asked repeatedly by pretty much every single member of their group ever since the girl supposedly broke up with a man who she was gushing over before.

“I’ve ghosted him, okay?” She burst out laughing when she gestured with her fingers the reason why she stood the guy up.

“You’ve dropped a guy because he had a small dick?” Zayn asked, pretty much choking from laughter.

“Zayn, REALLY.” She even further presented the size, which to all of them seemed quite unbelievable but they weren’t going to dig deeper into the issue of Eden’s ex. “Okay, you’ve been very quiet the entire time.” The woman pointed at Malik who immediately regretted bringing attention to himself.

“Ask away.” He shrugged, composed as ever.

“Do you ever use that sexy little uniform of Liam’s in bed?” The woman asked, curling her knees to touch her chest as she got hot from the fire.

“Can’t say it hasn’t happened.” Malik squeezed his partner’s knee as he smirked at him. “Louis.”

“Question.” Tomlinson answered, pressing himself closer to his boyfriend.

“Is this whole bi thing just bullshit you’ve made up for your family?” Zayn asked and Louis could hear a small hiss that emerged when Harry inhaled through his teeth. Brunette’s hand clenching around his fiancé’s arm when he thought his friend crossed the line. Even without looking at Styles, Lou could pretty much feel the daggers he was throwing at Zayn with those emerald eyes of his.

“Yeah, utter bullshit.” He answered as if it was nothing because it stopped being a big deal a long time ago. They were in a group of trusted friends so why would he care. Not to mention that his days of being scared of being gay were long gone.

“I knew it.” Malik triumphed.

“Zayn?” Louis decided to pick the nosy friend again.

“Give it to me.” He smirked.

“Handcuffs?”

“Sure.” Zayn scoffed in response. “Eden.”

“Yeah?”

“How short was he?”

“I don’t know. Ten centimetres maybe, it’s not that I’ve measured.” The girl answered with embarrassment painted on her face.

“You can work with ten!” Malik shook his head in faux disapproval of their friend’s discrimination.

“Sure, Zayn baby?” The man only stared at her while he waited for a question. “Would you date Liam if he had a tiny prick?” She returned the dubious favour.

“Why me? You are all racist, homophobic and this is a hate crime. I’m being targeted.” The man acted outraged. “There’s so much more to a man than his cock.” He shook his head again. “I would stick to that one even if he had no dick.” He patted his man’s thigh and leaned over to press a kiss to his lips. “I’d fuck his pussy if I had to. Fuck it just right.” Malik smirked at his partner, his hand stroking Liam’s thigh.

“This is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Fucking gross.” Niall voiced his disgust. “This is not fun anymore. I’m going upstairs, I need a hot bath or I’ll have to say goodbye to my balls, thanks, Harry.”

“Hey, I wanted to ask a question.” Styles only shrugged.

“Yeah, I’m tired. When are we on for breakfast?” Eden asked when she finished her cigarette.

“Don’t expect me to be here before noon.” Zayn announced when he stood up from the log he was sitting on, pulling his man up by his hand.

“Noon it is.” Harry announced. “Oh, I’ll take care of it.” He reassured Liam who started getting around to putting the fire out. “Goodnight guys.”

“No fucking in my tent!” Niall warned and went to the cabin to get his body back to normal temperature.

“No skinny dipping either!” Zayn mocked their Irish friend when he put down his cigarette.

“Skinny dipping might be the last thing I’d like to do after getting a glimpse of Niall’s shrivelled raisins.” Louis commented and lit a cigarette with a piece of burning wood.

“We can get you set up in the living room, are you sure you won’t be cold?” Liam asked, considerate even despite being quite drunk already.

“No, we’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” Harry answered. “Goodnight, see you at breakfast.” The man greeted them and they left, sliding the door closed behind them.

“Are you a good camper?” Styles asked, putting his spread fingers on his lovers’ hips, pulling him closer even though Louis was still smoking, and he was not the biggest fan of the smell.

“Never tried it, have you?”

“Seriously? Of course, I did!” Harry’s eyes widened as he could not believe his ears. “Now that I know this is your first camping experience, I might pull some tricks to make it even more special.”

“No fucking in the tent!” Tomlinson mimicked their friend’s accent, his eyes just a bit hazy from the alcohol which he consumed quite a bit of.

“Who’s saying something about fucking? I’m going to make sweet, sweet love to you.” Harry winked and clung to his fiancé’s lips as soon as the cigarette was dropped into the fire. He tugged on Lou’s lip with his teeth, his hand dragging up and down the shorter one’s spine.

“What are you talking about, sir? We’re not married yet!” Louis joked, slipping his cold hands under his partner’s t-shirt, grazing his warm belly with the tips of his fingers.

“If this is the treatment I get now, I’m scared to think what will we do when we’re married.” Brunette winked and dipped his head down, pressing his moist lips to Lou’s neck, brushing them along his skin delicately before he got to his collarbone, taking his time, savouring one of his favourite features of his man’s body.

“Maybe you’ll finally fuck me.” Tomlinson scoffed, pulling dark locks off Harry’s face before he slipped away, leaving his partner with the task of putting out the bonfire when he closed himself in the tent.

It didn’t take long for Harry to get back to his man. He found Louis snoozing on the mattress with a pillow tucked under his head. He managed to undress before he wrapped himself with a blanket.

His little nap hasn’t even properly started when he was woken up by the way the air mattress dipped when Styles settled himself next to his partner.

“Louis?” Brunette broke the silence after he took his clothes off and slipped his body under the same blanket Louis was covered with.

Louis was startled by his voice; the darkness, the silence and the comforting smell of burning wood which settled in his fiancé’s hair brought him immense comfort, doing a great job of lulling him to sleep. Exhausted, drunk he could fall asleep in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah?” The man struggled to get his eyes opened when he finally succeeded, he found Harry way closer than he expected him to be. Their noses were almost touching, Styles’ eyes plastered to the sound face of his man.

“Do you think I don’t want to fuck you?” He asked, very much concerned with the hurt note that manifested in Lou’s voice just a few minutes before.

“You’d do that already if you wanted.” Louis shrugged, setting his delicate hand on his lover’s stubbly jaw. “Don’t worry though, I’ve thought about it and I was stupid for even suggesting. I just didn’t know you were so set on your current role.” A small smile bent thin lips when he pushed his face forward to kiss his man. But Harry pulled away, leaving Tomlinson confused and borderline offended.

“No, no… baby.” Harry whined, creating random shapes on his partner’s belly with his fingers. “What if I told you that I am scared? I don’t want to hurt you.” The big palm slipped back to Lou’s bottom, pulling the man closer so their bodies clung to each other.

“I’m not so fragile. Is it even that bad? Did I ever hurt you?” Tomlinson asked, his eyes even heavier when he felt his partner’s fingers grazing his rim ever so slightly.

“No, of course, you’ve never hurt me.” Harry shook his head frantically, pushing away the memory of that one time he chose to never bring up immediately after it happened. “You’re just so pretty and delicate, I can’t help it, I’m scared.”

“That sounds like your personal problem Harry, I want you to fuck me till you come inside me and I’m getting it one way or another.” Louis growled, the sudden threat caused the blood to boil in Styles’ veins. A breath hitched in his throat when he fingered his lover, Louis panting under his touch, his head thrown back.

“What a filthy little camper you are.” Styles murmured, his nose grazing Lou’s neck before he brought his lips up to link them with his partner’s. Small whimpers getting lost in the sloppy kiss.

“Harry, please.” Tomlinson moaned into his partner’s mouth when the third finger slipped inside, spreading him open, causing his body to shiver with every hit on the prostate.

“Oh, baby, your first time won’t be in this stupid tent, on this godawful mattress.” Brunette chuckled when he reached his fingers even deeper, stiff digits prodding his man’s tender spot. “Give in to me, Louis. I can see that you want to.”

Louis’ stubborn expression softened when Harry slipped down his body and licked a bold stripe up his shaft; the feeling of firm fingers exploring his hole, joined by the wet lick made him come, his cock spilling on his partner’s tongue.

“I want to try, Harry. I really do.” Louis whined, breath getting stuck in his throat when those lean fingers that were touching him so shamelessly slipped out, leaving him to heal on his own.

“I know baby, soon. I promise.” Styles pressed a small kiss onto his needy partner’s lips and said his goodnights before he slipped away from the tent, knowing damn well that Louis will be fast asleep when he comes back from the bathroom. He wasn’t wrong, Tomlinson only shifted on his belly when Harry returned with a bottle of water.

~*~

“So… I guess this is it.” Harry approached his partner, embracing him from behind; his chin fitted into Lou’s shoulder when they stood in the threshold, eyeing the mess in front of them. Half of their belongings laid scattered in boxes, along with the furniture that was still to be put together.

The decision of moving was a sudden one. Harry’s lease came to an end and after quite a bit of talking, they’ve decided that they could use something bigger. The move gave them also an opportunity to start fresh, without the burden of unpleasant memories bound to their previous flat. It was their time to start anew, together.

The suddenness of the decision made the entire debacle quite challenging and hectic. Louis could not take days off work at first, leaving most of the packing for Styles who was between jobs, due to the last restaurant he worked in closing. Thankfully, they could count on Zayn and Liam who helped both of them tremendously with relocating.

“I’m hungry.” Louis whined, his fingers searching for Harry’s, finding them on his chest.

“I’ll order pizza, the guys should be here shortly.”

“I have a feeling we’re going to regret living so close.” A sweet chuckle seeped through Lou’s parted lips when he dragged his feet inside, Harry kicked the door closed.

“It won’t be that bad.” Styles left his man standing in the kitchen and took another loop around their new place. This was a huge thing for him. Their both names on the lease was another thing that made their relationship even more serious, brunette still had problems grasping the whole engagement deal. He still sometimes panicked when he woke up and Louis was not by his side. Perhaps, he had slight abandonment issues developed throughout their rocky relationship but he worked on them, tried to better himself for his man. “This one is bigger, right?” He asked when Louis joined him in a bedroom.

“Yeah, why?” Tomlinson asked when he opened the window, letting the scorching air inside. “I thought we could set the bed by that wall, we could get some cute pictures hung above. Or a painting, those we have plenty of.”

“I know, I need to get rid of some. You’re partially guilty, though. I’ve never been as fertile as an artist as I am now.” Styles shrugged and set his hands on his fiancé’s hips, pulling him and closing his lips with a kiss.

“I couldn’t’ be happier about that.” Louis snickered sweetly; his face flushed from the heat. “You’ll have enough space to store them in the spare bedroom, I thought you could set up a studio in there. So I don’t distract you too much.”

“You know I don’t mind you distracting me.” Harry lied, both of them knew how annoying Lou got when he was bored and his partner was busy working on a painting. He would keep nagging the artist, who still was great in covering his irritation but the way his brows furrowed in the process always gave him away.

“Yeah, sure.” Tomlinson stole a quick kiss and distanced himself from his man when they’ve heard the door flying open.

“We’ve picked up a volunteer.” Liam announced before the tenants even left the bedroom. They did not need to see the new companion to identify Niall from his characteristic laugh. “There’s more stuff in the car. We’ve checked everything and left the keys in the mailbox like you’ve told us to.” The officer set two toolboxes on the kitchen island, Niall and Zayn put two boxes they’ve carried on the floor.

“Come on, no slacking in here.” Niall called them and they all left, to bring the rest of the stuff.

It took them maybe twenty minutes to get the van emptied, all boxes, except those labelled as essential were pushed into the spare bedroom, left to be dealt with later. After everything was in the apartment, they sat on the floor and ate pizza which arrived in the process. Cold beers doing a very good job of cooling the company down.

“Couldn’t you move in November or something?” Zayn complained as he took his t-shirt off, exposing his tattooed chest in order to ease his suffering. “Don’t think I’ll settle for this, we still have to get together to catch up and get plastered.” Malik nudged Louis with his fist. The man kept pushing on doing something special to celebrate his promotion and Niall’s new job.

“We could go to the cabin for a weekend, just chill. Nothing too big or anything.” Liam proposed and that idea seemed more fitting than getting smashed in some random bar.

“That sounds like a better idea, just set the date when everybody could be there. Just the closest circle though.” Harry targeted the warning at Zayn, whose cabin parties were pretty much legendary for constantly getting out of hand.

“How about next weekend?” Zayn asked and nobody seemed to have anything scheduled.

“I’ll ask Eden how she feels about next weekend and I’ll give you an answer tomorrow.” Styles stood up from the floor and gathered the impressive amount of boxes they’ve managed to empty. Without further ado all men got to work, Liam, Zayn and Harry took upon themselves putting together different pieces of furniture, Niall joined Liam when his project turned out to be the most complicated and Louis… Louis provided banter, fetched the beers and annoyed everybody by taking pictures to immortalize that pleasant evening.

“Oh, that’s ridiculous. You can stay over in the spare room. Going home makes no sense when you’re going to go back in the morning.” Harry proposed when Niall started putting his shoes on, ready to leave alongside Zayn and Liam, who lived a five-minute walk away from the new apartment Styles was sharing with his partner.

“You can stay at ours, I wouldn’t expose myself to that trauma either.” Zayn chuckled, his comment made Louis roll his eyes. He did not know when Harry and he started being perceived as a pair of sex-crazed, dry-humping idiots but apparently, that was how their friends saw them.

“Shit, thanks. I didn’t feel like going home, to be honest.” Niall laughed in his usual, loud fashion.

“Thank you for coming to help us, guys. You’re saving our asses.” Styles thanked them and walked the company to the door. Liam only said something about this not being a problem and they were left alone for the first night in their new apartment.

“Are we really those horny, disgusting weirdos they think we are?” Louis sighed when he was leaning on the kitchen island, his butt pressed to the counter when he was approached by Harry, a smug smile on his face.

“Don’t know about you but I am.” Brunette cupped his fiancé’s butt and lifted him to sit on the counter, fitting himself between Lou’s legs. For a quick minute, he only stared in those blue eyes he loved so much but then he leaned forward and started placing small kisses on his partner’s thin lips.

Louis’ thighs hugged Harry’s hips tightly, he parted his lips, letting those kisses get deeper, needier. They were both tired, yet they still were craving each other too much to let go. That’s how their life looked after Tomlinson finally cut ties with his old life when he finally became Harry’s. They had wasted a lot of time and felt like they have to make up for it, that’s what brought them so close.

“I think they might be right.” Louis chuckled in the kiss and gasped when he was lifted up, Harry’s big palms supporting his weight when he was brought to the bedroom. “How can I ever have enough of you?” He whispered after his partner put him on their bare mattress, not wasting any time before he tugged his sweatpants off.

“I hope that never happens.” Styles smiled and knelt at the foot of the bed, kissing down Louis’ nude torso, exposed right before his eyes. “Look how pretty you are, unbelievable.” Brunette chuckled, the tip of his tongue swirling around the hardened nipple, making the smaller guy squirm from the pleasure, his hands stuck in Harry’s hair when he pushed his head down, impatient to cut to the chase.

But when he finally got where Louis wanted him to be, he completely ignored the heavy boner resting on Lou’s belly. Instead, he focused on those thighs he loved so much. Kissing every inch of delicate skin, savouring the distinct scent intensified by heat and the physical exercise Louis got that day. He felt lightheaded, grazing the thin skin with his lips, sucking it in to leave his marks when he travelled up.

Louis sighed, content when he felt those plump lips kissing up his shaft, his legs going limp when Styles slipped the reddened tip into his mouth, circling his tongue around the head, his tongue clinging to the raging erection as he went further down, stopping only when his gag reflex kicked in. A deep hum escaped his gut when he tried to fight against his body, taking his lover even deeper, feeling that Louis was not going to last too long.

“Maybe it’s better that Niall is not here.” Tomlinson said and whined at the flick of Harry’s tongue. Styles just loved the way his man squirmed from the pleasure, getting loads of satisfaction from the sounds alone. Just when he felt the pressure making Lou’s cock twitch in his mouth, he slid a bit up, grazing the underside with his bottom teeth ever so slightly before he fully surrendered his throat to the lover, who took full advantage of it.

Tomlinson pushed his partner’s head down, submerging himself completely before he pulled away, only to thrust his hips back in, enjoying the obscene, wet sounds breaking the silence. He felt dizzy from the experience, his body trembled just a bit, announcing the climax. It didn’t take him long to peak, Harry’s restless fingers, grazing the thin skin of his groin brought him over the edge. He released into his lover’s throat, feeling brunette swallowing around him before he came back to his face.

“You’re so pretty.” The younger man adored the sight before his eyes. Harry’s face was flushed red from the lack of oxygen, his cheeks were wet, tears still present in his eyes. Styles wiped the saliva mixed with precome from his chin with his t-shirt and threw it on the ground, his eyes stuck to the love of his life, who now became giddier, eager to take care of his man.

“In the morning.” Harry smiled at his man as he denied the favour, his voice raspier than usual from the strain on his throat from sucking Louis off. “I love you.” He declared; his eyes sleepy when he placed a small kiss on his fiancé’s lips. He wiggled from his shorts, throwing them where his top was laying, curling up on the bare mattress.

Louis, despite the exhaustion, forced himself out of the bed and found a pillow for them to share. And so, they did. Laying on the bed, their bodies clinging to one another as they fell asleep, for the first time in the apartment they were going to start their new life in.

~*~

“Does it have to be just one? Look at them, how can I choose?’ Harry whined as they paced around the cages in the shelter. They’ve been there for an hour, still not even close to picking a pet, which Louis promised his boyfriend.

“Harry, one is already too much.” Tomlinson sighed and brought his finger to one of the cages, trying to pet one of the cats that were ready for adoption. His hand scratched fiercely, accompanied by a hostile hiss. “Not that one.” He commented looking at the mean cat.

“He’s probably just scared, put yourself in his shoes.” The taller man leaned over and looked at the cat who attacked his partner. He did not look exhilarated with the attention, unlike the other animals.

“Why don’t we get a dog? Dogs are so much better.” Lou complained, even though they were already over the conversation why they couldn’t get a dog. Cats were just way better with solitude, and both Harry and Louis were out of the flat for quite lengthy periods.

“How about her?” Harry asked, squatting by the cage at the end of the corridor. In the place where Louis noticed the shelter kept the least appealing cats. Whether they were sick, old or just not very pleasant. Of course, Harry would venture there.

“It’s your cat, you can get the mean one for all I care.” The shorter man shrugged but joined his fiancé; they were both looking at an elderly cat, one of its eyes missing. At least it wasn’t aggressive, the cat patting their fingers delicately with her paw. “You want her?” He asked, somewhat confused with the choice, only a bit later did it occur to him, that it was such a Harry thing to do. “She’s ten years old, that’s an old ass cat.”

“I doubt she’s going to be interested with this.” Louis commented when Harry was checking out a cat toy, which he took from the rack. He teased their new pet with it and sure enough, the animal became excited with the transporter Lou was carrying. The toy landing in their basket right away.

“I think we have enough.” Styles spoke after he once again made sure they had everything they needed.

“Yeah, enough. For three cats probably.” The shorter one scoffed and followed his partner to the self-checkout.

“Louis?” Harry spoke when they were laying on the L-shaped couch in their living room. A cat hidden somewhere, getting used to new surroundings.

“Yuh?” The voice startled Lou, he was deep in his thoughts. Somewhat gloomy since he woke up that day.

“Remember when we were playing truth or dare at the cabin?” Harry’s fingers traced the rough canvas upholstery, before he found Louis’ hand, grazing the coarse skin with his fingertips.

“Parts of it, yeah. Why?”

“You’ve said something about having a wedding date in mind but never told anything more than that and I was wondering…” Styles stopped, he didn’t want to come off as if he was pushing the whole event.

“Oh, I thought about September, after you’ve graduated.” Tomlinson answered. “It would still be warm, you wouldn’t be so busy with school… you can propose something else if that’s not right, it’s your wedding too.” He shrugged, Harry’s face shifted just a bit, getting hidden in Lou’s hair.

“I like that, it’s sooner than I’ve expected. Do you think we’ll be able to save up the money? We’re not doing very good of a job right now.” Brunette chuckled, circling his partner’s fingers.

“I actually thought about the money lately.” Tomlinson confessed.

“Yeah? You came up with something?”

“I did, yeah.” The man took a deep breath, knowing that his idea might meet with disapproval. “I’ve been saving some of my money for a while now but I thought we could like, I don’t know… put your paycheck on the savings account and live off my salary. I’m making enough to support us both, we wouldn’t have to make any major sacrifices.” He explained his idea; he could already hear his partner getting ready to trash it.

“I don’t want you to pay for me, I can provide for myself.” Here it was, exactly what Louis had expected.

“Of course, you can. We both know that. And it’s not paying for you if the goal is our wedding.” Tomlinson reassured his fiancé, the deep sigh brunette pushed out of his lungs made him think that he succeeded.

“I guess you’re right. Is that going to be enough? I only work three days a week. I guess I could pick up more shifts if…”

“No, no. You have too much on your plate already. You earn what, an eighty a day?” Louis asked, never before particularly interested in Harry’s financial situation.

“A hundred with tips.” Louis nodded.

“That gives us twelve hundred per month. Since you work full time during the summer it’s what? Almost ten thousand per school year. I have like twenty-three saved from the paychecks and my mom’s insurance.”

“Well, my scholarship doubles that ten thousand.” Harry corrected. “With my summer pay, we’d come up to something around fifty? We could always sell some of my paintings if it’s not enough.” He shrugged, getting more accustomed to the idea.

“Fuck, that’s a lot of money.” Louis shook his head. “There’s no way we’ll spend that much. Never really realized that those fancy weddings are so expensive.”

“Thank god I don’t want anything fancy. Something lowkey… us, the family and the closest of friends.” Harry smiled sweetly; his fingers tied with Louis’. “I think your idea is good, we can do it like that.”

“Please just promise me that you won’t hesitate to ask if you ever need anything.” Louis pleaded, knowing that his partner had too much pride to ask for money, even though the situation was so much different than actually asking because he doesn’t have any.

“You can get worried when my paintings start appearing on eBay.” Styles snickered and nudged his man on his side.

“I’ll just put the majority of my paycheck on your account, God knows you’re so much better with that whole budgeting stuff.” 

“Years of experience in being a starving artist.” They laughed at the joke, which now, that Harry actually could work part-time was funny. It wasn’t when he had only scholarship and mom’s support to live off of. Thankfully, he was done with leeching off his mother. Now he had his fiancé to do that, apparently. “Louis?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Do you still have bad days?” Styles asked, the question prompted by those moody days Louis had from time to time.

“Sometimes.” The blue-eyed man answered.

“Are those the same bad days you had before?” Another question, worried note manifesting in Harry’s raspy voice. He thought that those bad days were over, that Louis did not have those existential dilemmas anymore.

“No, no… never those.” Louis shook his head vigorously; his fingers clinging to Harry’s harder to reassure him, that he does not have any doubts regarding their relationship. “I just miss mom, some days more than the others. It’s just that.”

“Oh, okay.” Styles sighed, content with the answer.

Of course, he was not happy that Louis was hurting in any way, but he still felt relieved when he learned about the source of those bad days his partner had currently. This time, he could understand Louis, he had the same bad days ever since his stepfather passed away. Louis had helped him tremendously with the grieving process, knowing too well how it hurts to lose a parent. Now, that he knew the source of his partner’s melancholy, he could help him too.

~*~

“Louis, you literally have two pairs of shorts and a pair of joggers. You need more than that.” Harry rolled his eyes when he looked at the nearly empty basket Louis held in his left hand, lazily sorting through stuff hung without any order whatsoever.

Tomlinson had finally budged and let his partner take him thrifting. It was something that he did once, with his oldest sister and he hated the process. But now, it was kind of necessary. He practically lived in Harry’s clothes ever since he moved away from Nellie. The girl, in the last fit pretty much shredded all his clothes to pieces. He was left only with those few pieces he packed the night he left. He had to get almost a whole new wardrobe, and thrifting seemed to be the best way of doing that without breaking the bank.

“Why won’t you just pick something for yourself? You are way better than me at doing this and god knows I still like your clothes better.” He smiled innocently at his man, both of them knew that Louis didn’t really mind sharing wardrobe.

“Fine, we still need to get you a few new bottoms. I won’t let your ass bust another pair of my jeans.” A smug smirk slipped on Styles’ lips at the memory of his jeans bursting under pressure Lou’s bottom put on the fabric.

“Ugh… I hate this.” Tomlinson sighed heavily but he started paying more attention to the pants hung before his eyes. Harry already in his element, putting quite a few quirky t-shirts Louis managed to miss into their basket.

“Well, as much as I love the way your ass looks in them, they are too tight.” Styles commented on the jeans he helped his partner put on, they were squeezed together in a small, makeshift changing room. Brunette reached down to the button and opened it, Lou breathing in heavily when his gut stopped being restricted by fabric.

“We have plenty already.” Louis looked down on the pile of clothes he already tried on. Most of them fitting.

“You have like five pairs of sweatpants and not even one pair of jeans. We have three pairs left. If none of them works, I’m giving up and we’re going to the mall.” Styles pressed his lips in a thin line and squatted to basically rip the jeans off the legs he loved so much, even though they were a nightmare to fit into any pair of jeans.

“Fuck, when did I get so fat?” The shorter man stared into his reflection in the mirror. He grabbed on his belly too hard for Harry’s liking, his fingers leaving red marks on the skin. “You’re overfeeding me.” He sighed.

“I don’t want to hear any of this.” Brunette shook his head in disapproval. He leaned down and started placing small kisses on the marks left on the belly that poked out just a little bit, he loved that his partner put on a bit of weight. He lost quite a chunk after they broke up. “I have a good feeling about these.” Harry helped his fiancé into the next pair and they actually fit. The student thanked the gods knowing that it wouldn’t help his partner’s body image if they left with nothing.

“Now you only need a jacket or two and you’re set. See? We would’ve spent five times as much if we opted for new.” Styles commented when he followed Louis after he opened their apartment. He headed straight to the bathroom, splitting their shopping in two and putting the first load of laundry on.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re the king of budgeting, we get it.” The younger man mocked his partner, sprawled on the couch with a cat in his lap. The pet might have been Harry’s choice but somehow, she tended to cling to Louis more.

“Zayn called, they want to hang out sometime soon. Eden’s back too.” Styles announced when he laid back by his boyfriend’s side, his hand reaching for soft fur of his new friend, Beatrice.

“You know my schedule, ask them over.” Louis only shrugged, petting the cat that purred loudly, content with the attention. Lover’s fingers crashing with each other as they pet the animal.

“What are we eating?”

“Nothing, we had ice cream.” The shorter one pulled his t-shirt up and looked at his stomach.

“Ice cream is not a meal, we’ve been over this how many times?” Brunette slid off the couch and knelt before his partner, leaning his head just a bit; his hair brushing against soft skin before he started placing small kisses all over the surface. “And I will not stand of any of this tummy slander. I love it, arguably one of my favourite parts of your body and god knows I love your body.” More kisses, delicate, borderline worshipping the fat gathered under the skin. Louis squirmed just a bit when his partner’s tongue dipped into his belly button. “So sweet, so beautiful.” The student shook his head as he could not believe how he ever got this lucky.w

“I knew you were a pervert. One of those feeders, ew.” Lou joked but pulled his man to his face, peppering his golden skin with small pecks. “Now make me something to eat, you creep.”

“That’s more like it.” Harry bit his lip when he got up after completing his mission. Taking upon himself the task of stuffing bell peppers for them to eat for dinner.

~*~

“God, stop kicking. Such a baby.” Harry chuckled, his head shaking in frustration mixed with endearment, his arm around Louis’ head when he tried to escape from his lap.

“Dude, you’ve asked him to do this.” Zayn commented, looking with slight annoyance painted on his face, dodging the kicks as he was sitting in the danger zone.

“It’s this or glasses.” The student warned and sure enough, his partner fell pliant, letting him drop his eyes since they were quite dry after the long day. Ocean eyes blinking franticly to disperse the moisture evenly. “Thank you.” Harry leaned and kissed the tip of his fiancé’s nose.

“Maybe we should get one of those.” Liam smiled sweetly at Beatrice, who loved him even more than she loved Louis. Every time the band hung out in that particular spot, the cat wouldn’t get off officer’s lap even for a second.

“Over my dead body.” Malik never really hid his dislike for cats. He blessed poor Bea with his touch only when he was drunk, REALLY drunk. Thankfully, the pet didn’t have to beg for attention in their group. Every single person adored the floor she walked on, practically fighting as to who gets to pet her.

“We could get a dog.” Payne shrugged; his eyes still fixed on the purring bundle of joy that blinked at him lovingly.

“We could.” Pretty much everybody seemed surprised with the ease Zayn was ready to commit to something as serious as owning an animal with his partner. For Harry it wasn’t nearly as shocking, he knew, more than ever that his best friend was head over heels in love with Liam. The relationship was going on, without any turbulence for over three and a half years, the most serious thing Zayn ever had in his life, getting a dog was the least he could do to show his partner that he treated the thing very seriously.

“What’s up with him? He’s been snoozing the entire evening.” Harry nodded at Niall who was napping at the end of the couch, curled up in a ball.

“He’s been like that the last time too. Is he still with that Chelsea girl? Maybe she doesn’t let him sleep at night?” Liam brought up a question that neither of them knew the answer to. At least that’s what they were thinking.

“He’s not. They broke up like a month ago.” Eden deadpanned, making the rest, particularly Louis feel like the biggest assholes since the girl knew that and they didn’t, even though they knew Horan so much longer than she did.

“Fuck, we have to hang out more frequently. We’ve been struggling lately.” Zayn said, his head hung when he realized that they really have been neglecting their friendship. Each one of them had their personal life, they were growing up, settling down. It was difficult balancing their jobs, personal and family lives.

“We really do. We’re coming over, next week.” Louis slapped Malik’s knee and the man smiled, nodding ever so slightly.

“Niall?” Tomlinson woke his best friend up when everybody was gone, Harry and him heading to bed.

“Huh?” The Irish lad opened his eyes, disoriented. He rubbed his eyes with clenched fists. “Fuck, where’s everybody? What time it is?”

“It’s almost four, I’ve made the bed for you in the guest room.” Lou helped his friend up and led him to the spare bedroom.

“I can go home, don’t want to bother you or…”

“Oh, sod off.” The shorter one cut his protests with a gesture of his hand. “You’ll sleep and we’ll talk in the morning. Harry will make us breakfast, we have some catching up to do. It’s been too long, mate.” Tomlinson smiled at his friend as Niall settled himself under the covers, wiggling out of his clothes, throwing them on the floor only to be picked up by Lou, folded neatly and left on the desk chair. “Goodnight Niall.” He got only a murmur in response, not so subtle snoring emerging from his throat as the man backed off, turning the lights off before closing the door.

“Is he alright?” Harry asked when his partner curled up to his side, a big hand pressed to his chest almost instinctively.

“Yeah, he’s asleep. We’re going to talk in the morning. I’ve promised him a nice breakfast though.” Lou’s body trembled just a bit when he chuckled.

“I’ll figure something out.” Styles joined his partner in a chuckle and brought his feet further, enveloping his partner’s cold ones to lend him some of his warmth.


	26. Chapter 26

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you up.” Harry squatted by Louis’ side of the bed and grazed his thumb over the stubbly cheek of his boyfriend.

“You’re leaving?” Tomlinson asked, rubbing fisted hands over his tired eyes. “What time is it? Why is it so dark?” He kept complaining, sweeping the room with his gaze.

“Half-past six. Yeah, I’m leaving. Gonna miss you.” The brunette smiled sweetly. “See you in the evening. Don’t forget to feed Bea before you leave.” The man leaned and pressed a gentle kiss onto his partner’s forehead. “Now, go back to sleep. I love you.” 

Harry stood up straight and smiled at the incoherent love declaration he got in return. It was early, too early to be up on a Saturday, but that was a one-time thing. He was heading to the gallery where his exhibition was going to be held. He had to be there early to make sure everything is fine for the opening night, especially that this time, both his family and a part of Louis’ were going to be there.

Despite the fact, that he had already met Lou’s family a few times, they even spent New Year’s together, he was still somewhat nervous. He always was when it came to hanging out with the Tomlinsons, even though they never gave him a reason to feel like that. 

When he got to the gallery, Zayn and Liam were already there. Let’s just say that one was more thrilled about helping Styles than the other.

“We’ve picked up the champagne on our way here. Must’ve looked great buying twenty bottles at six in the morning.” Zayn scoffed as he put the corresponding descriptions under the paintings they hung up the day prior. 

“As if getting plastered at the brink of the morning was beyond you.” Liam joined Harry in a laugh when brunette joked about Malik, his brows furrowed as the reaction.

“You wake up, five in the fucking morning to help and this is how they treat you…” The shortest one shook his head in disbelief as he mumbled complaints under his breath.

“I just wanted to say that if you want to get married in September, you should be planning already.” Anne provided her opinion when the topic, inevitably crossed to the wedding territory. It always did, ever since the families got the big news.

“Well, yeah. It’s just that neither of us has time to take care of anything. I don’t know… we’ll just end up getting married in the City Hall and go to McDonald’s to celebrate. Louis would probably love that.” Harry sighed and felt the daggers being thrown at him from both his mother’s and Lottie’s eyes. “Or we’ll just postpone, I don’t know.” He felt Lou’s hand gripping his harder in a protest to his idea. 

“Okay, just hear me out.” Lottie spoke after she finished her champagne. “What if I help you plan? You know, as my wedding gift to you. You’ll give me the budget, your vision and I’ll work something out. With my organising skills, I’m sure I can meet the deadline.” The girl proposed, looking at her brother, eyes glittering with excitement.

“You’re delusional if you think I would trust you with something that serious.” Louis scoffed. “We’ll look for a planner next week.”

“Do you remember my eighteenth birthday? I did everything alone.” The woman tried to prove her worth.

“I don’t think this is a bad idea.” Harry supported his future sister-in-law. “It’s gonna be fine, I told you already that I’d marry you anywhere.” The men exchanged loving smiles. “Oh, I think I’m needed, excuse me.” The brunette reacted to Zayn calling him with a gesture of a hand. It was Harry’s evening but he decided to spend it with family, that’s why Malik had proposed to handle things if anybody wanted to do business with the artist.

“Mom, who even is that?” Styles asked glancing at another foreign name he highlighted. After ten of those, he started having doubts if asking his mom to help him prepare a guest list for the wedding was a good idea. At this point, he had more names highlighted for a further review than people who should be invited.

“That’s my cousin and her family.” Anne explained, royal blue mug grasped in her dainty hands as they sat on the couch. Harry settled in the corner, with his mom on the right and Louis’ head laid in his lap as the man worked with his sister on his side of the guest list. 

“When have I seen them for the last time, mom?” The brunette rolled his eyes when he predicted the answer to be not satisfactory. He did not even remember his mother having any cousins.

“My wedding probably.” The woman shrugged, taking a sip of her tea.

“That was years ago, no way. I told you I want to keep the list small.” 

“Small like what? A hundred?” The mother asked and Harry started feeling frustration building inside of him. He should’ve just done it by himself, or with his sister. His partner seemed to be doing way better of a job.

“We were thinking fifty.” Harry confessed. 

“Fifty? You have at least ten of your friends only.” Anne protested, getting cut by her son in a gesture of a hand.

“That’s what we want. Closest people only. Why do I need to have there an aunt that I haven’t seen in ten years? That doesn’t make sense. You, dad, grandparents, your brother’s family. Some friends from the town, that’s it. I don’t need anybody else.” Styles sighed and threw his head back, his fingers gravitating towards his partner’s hair, burring between strands almost instinctively. He looked down and saw Louis smiling at his struggle, it both pissed him off and provided some stress relief. “Funny, huh?” He scoffed but a smile also crept onto his lips. “You have like three thousand people there.” The student commented on the extensive list on a piece of paper Lou was holding.

“Well, you knew I have a big family.” Tomlinson shrugged and crossed two names off the list.

By three in the morning, they were more or less done with the guest list. After a lot of small arguments, the number came up to little short of seventy people. It was more than both of them anticipated but somehow, they overlooked how big Louis’ family was.

Louis and Harry were left alone in the living room, laying down on the uncomfortable couch while Lottie and Louis’ youngest siblings took their bed, only those three decided to stay the night. Anne occupied the guest room. It was dark, the only light illuminating the room came from the street. 

“Are you sure you want Lottie to do this?” Tomlinson asked as he squirmed on the couch, the foam was not thick enough and a piece of wood painfully pressed on his ribcage.

“Why not, I bet she’ll do so much better than any of us would. Plus, Gemma said she’d help, I can vouch for her, we have nothing to worry about.” The brunette reassured his partner and pulled him over his body, switching places since he knew that his side was way more comfortable. 

“Nothing? There has to be something for us to do, or do we just show up?” The shorter one chuckled and nuzzled his face into his man’s chest.

“Well, we have small things like deciding on the menu, picking the cake, invitations, the first dance song. But I hope everything else will be set by them. I really didn’t feel like organising shit. I just want to marry you and go on our honeymoon.” Brunette smiled at the thought of their honeymoon, even though they haven’t even decided on the destination.

“Fuck.” Louis cursed; his body tensed up just a bit. “I completely forgot about the dancing thing.” 

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll just wobble around until the song is over.” Harry’s lips pressed a small peck on his partner’s temple.

“We better pick a short song then.” Louis chuckled against his fiance’s skin. “What’s the shortest song that exists?”

“I kind of have a suggestion.” Brunette admitted with a slight smirk on his lips.

“It’s from that stupid jazz record, isn’t it?” Their bodies shook from the chuckle produced by the older one. 

“It might be, yeah.” Louis smiled at how predictable his partner was. He was never a great fan of that record, but now that he thought about that, he couldn’t imagine them having their first dance to any other song than the third track on that particular album. It was such an integral part of their relationship, accompanying them in so many milestones, moulding their relationship into what it came out to be. 

“Fine, but I’m picking the cake.” 

-

“So what, you have everything set up now?” Liam asked from above his drink, his partner fitted right under his arm when they sat on the couch in their shared apartment.

“Pretty much.” Harry pulled himself up on the couch and looked at his wristwatch as he impatiently waited for Louis to get back from work.

“Did Louis ask Niall yet?” Zayn joined the conversation. “Give the poor guy at least some time to prepare a speech or something.”

“So, there’s a speech?” Styles asked, raising an eyebrow at his friend who never really had to be officially asked to be the best man at the wedding. Well, he was asked but that was so long ago, Malik probably managed to forget it ten times.

“Oh, there will be one. I saw him scribbling shit already.” Payne regretted his words as he got nudged in the ribcage with his boyfriend’s elbow.

“Where are we getting married, mister smartass?” Zayn brought the attention away from himself, petting the English bulldog sprawled in front of them, the animal taking more space than both men combined.

“Are we driving to the hall tomorrow? You know I’d do that.” The officer leaned and placed a small kiss behind his partner’s ear.

“Yeah, and burn all of the bridges with my family in one go. My wedding will be huge and I don’t think I have any say in that matter. Guess you should’ve looked into Muslim weddings before you asked me out.” 

“They don’t have too much on Muslim gay weddings on the internet.” Liam joked and nuzzled his face into Zayn’s exposed shoulder.

“You’ve googled?” Harry cooed, taking a swig from his bottle.

“I might have.” Zayn only shook his head with a smirk on his face. Everybody knew that proposal was long-time coming in that particular relationship. To a certain extent, they already behaved like a married couple. It was just formality at this point. Nobody other than Harry knew that but Liam was waiting for their friend’s wedding so he wouldn’t take the spotlight off the event when he pops the question. Despite numerous times Styles reassured him that neither him nor Louis (of course, he told Louis) minded him proposing before their wedding, he still stuck by his decision to wait. It’s not like they had to wait too long either way.

“Honestly, where the fuck are they?” Malik looked at the door, his sudden movement met with a disapproving groan from their somewhat new pet, Winston. Just as if the men heard his call, the door flung open, revealing two, very much amused individuals.

“Finally.” Harry sighed, his body shifting instinctively so Louis could snuggle against his chest. And so, he did, the brunette’s arms clung to his man’s torso after they exchanged a quick kiss as a greeting since they haven’t seen each other at all that day. Harry worked the early shift and had barely missed his partner who had the evening one.

“You can tell them, what are you waiting for?” Tomlinson scoffed looking at his best friend who looked like he was suppressing sharing the news which was not really a mystery to anybody.

“I’m a best man, ha!” The Irish lad boasted in front of his friends, doing some weird dance with his hands as he opened a beer for himself. “ _The_ best fucking man.” He cackled.

“You realize that there’s two of us?” Malik broke his bubble. “Good luck with writing the speech.” He winked at the friend whose grin still hasn’t faded.

“Sod off, let me have my moment.” Horan smiled at his best friend, their bond rebuilt after that small crisis they had some time prior. Louis loved how happy his mate was about being his best man as if he couldn’t predict being chosen. It was an obvious choice, they knew each other for ages. 

“God, you’re ugly, Winston.” Louis leaned over the dog and grabbed his big head between his palms, squishing the loose skin even more as he massaged dog’s snout. “You have a life, mate. Laying here all day, they feed you and don’t even judge for your farting and snoring.” He shook his head, the dog’s beady eyes stuck to his face, the animal completely clueless to what the man was saying.

“Sounds like your weekends.” Malik teased his friend and nudged the shortest man on the shoulder with his fist; the comment met with a cold stare which almost immediately melted with a smile.

“I hate you.” Louis only snarled at his friend and leaned back, resting on his partner’s body. Harry’s hands already massaging his tired muscles as Louis took over his beer.

“Save a date for me to take you two wankers shopping, we need to get you some nice suits so you don’t look like a pair of bums.” Zayn broke off the string of Niall’s babbling about nothing.

“Do we even need suits?” Harry asked his fiance, nuzzling his face against Lou’s ear.

“I need one, the old one doesn’t fit anymore. Guess it wouldn’t hurt getting you one too.” Louis answered, and turned Styles’ wrist to expose the face of his watch. It was late.

“Do we have a budget for that?” 

“Oh, shut up. It’s a gift.” Malik rolled his eyes and cut with a gesture of his hand the protest that was already building up in both Harry’s and Louis’ throats.

“Guess we can go on Thursday, you can tag along for cake tasting.” Tomlinson suggested as he got up from the couch, placing a small peck on top of Winston’s head before he gathered the empty bottles from the table and brought them to the bin.

“Um… can I too?” Niall asked shyly. “I think I should have a say about the cake. You know, as the best man.” The man winked and Louis only nodded at him.

“We have tasting at one, we’ll gather you two like half an hour prior so, be ready.” Harry warned. “Are you tagging along too?” He asked Liam.

“Nah, working.” The man shook his head. “Always working when there’s something cool happening.” 

-

“We’ve booked the honeymoon.” Harry smiled at his friend when a tailor was taking his measurements. Louis was in another room with his best man, doing the same exact thing.

“Still Paris?” The shorter one asked, his opinion on the destination wasn’t very positive. He thought it was tacky, overdone. He didn’t know about the reasoning behind that choice, though, and he wasn’t going to get to know. It was something Louis and Harry decided to keep for themselves. Something secret, something theirs.

“Still Paris.” Styles chuckled when the dressmaker accidentally grazed his fingers on the tender spot behind his knee. “Did you like the cake Louis chose?” 

“I’d go with the chocolate fudge one but coconut is good too.” The shorter one shrugged. Their heads turned when they heard the door open. It was Niall, his head poking through the gap.

“Are ya done yet?” Horan asked, impatient.

“Almost there.” The tailor answered for them and kept on taking measurements.

“Are you nervous at all? It’s so soon.” Malik smiled at his friend in encouragement. “Everything’s done, right? It’s just the suits?” 

“Nervous? Not at all.” Brunette shrugged. “If anything, I can’t wait.” The man took a deep breath, the stuffy atmosphere of the room was too much, especially on such a hot day.

“What about graduation?” 

“What about it? I passed everything, I’m done with school in this life. Couldn’t be happier, to be honest.” He answered truthfully. By the end of the academic year, his graduation was not exactly as obvious as it seemed to everybody. With the wedding, his job and the school… it got a bit hectic, was kind of hard to find time for everything and Louis on top of that. Doesn’t matter how busy he was, he always found time for his partner; painfully aware of the consequences he had to face the last time they had neglected their relationship.

“What now? Vacation? New job? The old one?” 

“We can’t afford a vacation right now, guess I’ll stick to what I know, at least for now. I’ll take full hours at the restaurant plus those articles I’ve been commissioned by the paper. We’ll do just fine.” 

“Isn’t this a waste of your time? Studying art for so much only to end up working in a restaurant?”

“I don’t see it like that, I like my job. Plus, I’m doing those articles, maybe someday that will become something more serious, I don’t know, I’m fine by now.”

“I guess... what does Louis think about it?” The friend interrogated, the tailor, made Harry spread his arms to once again measure his chest and waist.

“He doesn’t care where I work until I’m happy.” 

“Of course, he doesn’t.” Zayn scoffed. “Is this everything?” He addressed the middle-aged man who only nodded at him.

“We will give you a call once the suits are ready for fitting.” The dressmaker informed them and they left after saying goodbye.

“Did you like the measuring process? Did you get touched inappropriately?” Louis chuckled into Harry’s ear when they walked the pavement to the car.

“No, _did you_?” Styles burst out laughing as they approached the vehicle, settling himself in the driver’s seat.

“There were some close calls.” Harry shook his head in amusement when he buckled up, Louis’ hand gravitating to his knee almost instantly after he put his seatbelt on. Soft music was spilling from the speakers after Styles turned the key in the ignition. 

-

“How are you feeling?” Harry murmured into the skin behind Louis’ ear when he placed soft kisses on the thin surface. 

The bright light was seeping through the curtains, the air was hot and heavy around them when they woke up. It was late, way too late to be just waking up.

“Sleepy.” The shorter man answered, his fingers dug into the thin sheet they were sleeping under when he felt fingers running down his spine. He threw his head behind, fully surrendering to small kisses riddling his heated skin.

“Sleepy? It’s four in the evening.” The man chuckled, his lips tickling his partner’s neck just a bit when his hand travelled to Louis' front. “Oh, that’s not sleepy.” He pretended to be shocked when he grazed upon Louis’ boner; the feeling itself releasing a content groan from the smaller one’s throat. “Is my little fiancéhorny? God, I’m going to miss calling you my fiancé.” Restless lips slid down Lou’s chest, small pecks leaving a wet trail on the skin.

“Well, you have two weeks to say goodbye to that word. Then I’m going to be your boring husband.” Louis snickered sweetly, his eyes barely opened when he admired his partner who fully paid attention to his perked up nipples.

“Say that again and we’ll have to change the sheets.” Styles moaned, his lips already on his partner’s navel. “Never boring, not now, not in five years, not in sixty years.” 

“Sixty years, fuck… now that you’ve said it, I might have to think about it more.” Tomlinson teased, a sharp breath sucked into his lungs when Harry’s lips wrapped around his length without a warning. “Oh, okay. Sixty is fine.” He nodded, pulling a chuckle from the man who grazed his shaft with his parted lips, sucking the thin skin ever so slightly.

Harry nipped up the stiffened cock with his lips only before he fully devoted himself to a task of making his partner feel good. He swiped just the tip with his tongue, relishing the fleshy taste that was the taste of Louis, pushing him deeper, his cheeks hollowed as he sucked his man off, absolutely admiring the way his fiancé’s body twitched under his touch.

The air was hot, sweat was beading on Louis’ golden, tanned skin as he squirmed from pleasure, feeling Styles’ fingers fondling his balls as his shaft was being sucked off, the most obscene of sounds breaking the complete tranquillity of their shared bedroom. Both of them choose to ignore their indignant stomachs, demanding to be fed; stuck into the bliss of this late, very late morning of theirs.

“Oh no, oh… fuck.” Louis cursed, warning his partner of the climax that had already announced itself with every move of his body. Harry’s fingers deep into his lover as he scissored them inside, pushing on the muscles ever so slightly to relax them. Tomlinson’s rim taking his fingers with utmost pleasure, the owner rolling his hips frantically to get the most of the touch.

“Louis, baby?” The brunette asked as he admired the sight before him. Louis’ tanned body, glimmering gloriously in the beams which found their way to the bedroom, sneaking through the gap in between two dark curtains. His eyes were closed shut, lazily parting at the sound of his name. A wide grin making the effort well worth it. He didn’t respond, he just looked, his eyes hazy from the pleasure. “I thought that maybe we could…” 

“Yes, yes… please.” His sentence cut short, the frantic nodding of Lou’s head made Styles think that maybe his partner anticipated the moment more than he thought he did. A lot of time had passed ever since Tomlinson expressed his interest in bottoming, neither of them bringing the topic up too much. Every time Louis tried, the conditions turned out not to be ideal. Harry even thought about finally budging, making it the conclusion of their wedding night, the idea quickly discarded after he remembered the pain he felt during his first time. 

But now, they were together in safe space of their shared apartment. Alone, they had all the time in the world and Harry, while very much aroused, leaking on his thigh, he felt like he could control himself enough to suppress his urges if anything was wrong. That was his biggest apprehension, he never, under any circumstances wanted to cause his little, fragile partner pain.

“Louis, baby. Listen to me, okay? Are you listening?” The man nodded, still rolling his hips, at this point pleasuring himself with fingers that did not move inside of him. “You’re not listening, god you’re such a needy boy.” Harry pushed the air out of his nostrils and much to Louis’ disappointment, he pulled his fingers out. Only then, Tomlinson’s attention was brought to this partner. 

Harry pushed himself up to his fiancé’s face, placing a small kiss on his lips. 

“I’ll try to make it as easy on you as possible but remember what I told you?” Louis nodded. “It may, and probably will hurt at first. You just need to relax and trust me. Do you trust me, baby?” The smaller man released a desperate whine as he kept nodding, his whole body begging for more of Harry’s touch. “What do you do if it gets too bad?” 

“I tell you… I’ll be fine. I want this, I want to feel you, all of you.” Tomlinson kept whining, his eyes pleading for attention to his body.

“Well, let’s keep all of me for later. We’re going to try light this time.” Brunette smiled sweetly and pressed his plump lips to Lou’s dewy forehead. “God, you’re so beautiful, have I told you that already?”

“A few million times, yes.” The younger man squirmed, pulling himself up on the pillows, making it easier for himself to see what’s happening near his bum.

“Good, still not enough.” Styles chuckled and leaned over to the nightstand from which he retrieved their almost empty bottle of lube. “Almost out.” He warned, never before aware of their lube levels since it was never him who made use of it. It felt weird, his hand covering his raging cock lavishly, slick fingers looping around Louis’ rim, smiling at the pink rosebud that craved him so much. “I’m sorry if it hurts, I really am. Please tell me if it does.” 

“Oh, shut up and fuck me already.” Louis’ body trembled just a bit as he started laughing, his reaction doing a great job of loosening the atmosphere. 

“God, I love you.” Brunette chuckled just a bit as he navigated his tip, pressing just a bit onto Louis’ opening before he let himself deeper, giving his partner some time to get accustomed to the feeling before he proceeded.

“Oh, oof.” Louis sighed at the new sensation, his eyes half-lidded as he looked at his partner, his eyes foggy both from the lack of contacts and all the stimulation.

“Is it alright? Are you good?” Styles’ expression more and more worried with every single second he didn’t get a reaction.

“What did I say? Let yourself go, I’ll tell you if I want to stop.” Tomlinson’s lips stayed parted, the softest of whines escaping them as he tried to take matters into his own hands and slide himself down. 

“Naughty boy, stay still.” Harry warned him, linking their fingers together before he pushed himself further in. Louis winced just a bit, body twitching under Harry’s when the older man paid more attention to his partner’s face than to the glorious feeling of Louis’ rim clenching around his cock.

“You can do better than that.” Tomlinson scoffed at the lazy tempo, his brows furrowed when he felt his lover filling him with his length. It was weird. It was new. The feeling itself was so much different than just fingers. There was something so intimate in opening yourself to your partner like that, surrendering your body completely. Louis was overwhelmed. Now, he finally understood that the tears that terrified him so much when he had sex with Harry for the first time, were not even associated with pain. 

Louis sighed deeply, squeezing his eyes closed as he started rolling his hips slowly, meeting his man in the middle of his thrusts that grew faster as the bottom didn’t voice any complaints. He felt the discomfort, it was there. That weird pressure that disappeared once Harry’s tip collided with his prostate, the smaller one’s whole body shivered as he discovered the whole new world of sexual pleasure. He never felt closer to his man, that was his favourite thing. This, and Harry’s face. At first he was focused, his brows knitted as he searched for any signs of displeasure in Lou’s expression, now, that he did not find any, he gave way to the feeling. Thrusting his hips faster, deeper, admiring those whimpers that without permission left his partner’s mouth. 

“Fuck, you’re so...” Styles cursed, his eyes opening just a bit to look his partner in the eyes, that was the part he loved the most. The connection, the bond, stronger than ever before. “Oh, what did you do?” He chuckled just a bit, hips thrusting deeper and stronger as Louis’ legs twitched around his hips. Even though he promised himself to be attentive, somehow he managed to miss the moment when Louis’ cock spilt hot come all over his little tummy, the liquid pooling in the depression of his belly button.

“Your turn.” Louis whispered weakly, his legs fell pliant as his partner gave into the pleasure, pounding his hard cock into his partner’s hole, sliding himself all the way in even though he said he wouldn’t. He felt too good to stop, too good to even restrict himself. It was he and it was Louis and it was so new, yet not new at all. Louis’ fingernails dug deep into Styles’ back as he thrust, his thighs slapping against his lover’s red skin as brunette squeezed his partner’s hand, pressing it into the mattress. Panting heavily when he finally got his fix and emptied into his soon-to-be husband, and god if he wasn’t spent, he’d come once more at the thought of Louis being his husband in just two weeks.

“That was something, huh?” Louis smiled at his partner when he finally returned to his side. The smaller one more talkative since he had just a bit more time to wind down. 

“I’m sorry, I was not supposed to go all the way… I don’t know what happened. Did I hurt you?” Styles kept on asking questions, worrying too much and Louis hated to admit how characteristic to his man this behaviour was.

“Do you think I’d come so much if I was in excruciating pain?” Tomlinson lifted his partner’s spirits. “I get it now, I think I do. I always thought you were a masochist or just didn’t want me to suffer but… even when the idea of it seems so filthy it really isn’t. It’s…”

“Romantic.” Harry finished the sentence his partner started. “So, now what? We’re going to fight over who takes it?” The man chuckled, grazing small circles over his partner’s chest with his fingers.

“We’ll stick to how things were before, we’ll switch sometimes.” The smaller one shrugged. “I think I deserved a good dinner.” Louis smiled at his man and got up, a small hiss seeped through his teeth when he sat on his sore bum.

“Are you okay?” Styles asked, concerned as always.

“I’m doing great, thank you.”

-

“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to puke.” Zayn asked his friend when they were hanging out in Malik’s apartment. Only two of them before Liam returned from work and could join them.

“Are you surprised? With the amount of booze, you forced into me yesterday? I’m dying.” Styles shifted in his seat, patting the belly of a dog that laid beside him.

“And it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re getting married tomorrow?” 

“It has everything to do with your stupid plan about keeping us separate tonight, it doesn’t make sense.” Harry sighed and yet again glanced at the screen of his phone, nothing. 

Zayn went out of his way and even drove to get Styles right after work, so Louis and he wouldn’t get a chance to see each other. Neither of the grooms had agreed upon that whole scheme but neither of two best men cared. Niall was back in Lou’s and Harry’s apartment babysitting Tomlinson while brunette was stuck at his friend’s.

“Miss him already? Good, that’s the goal.” The shorter man chucked his crisps bag aside and licked his fingers off the seasoning.

“I hate you, you’re uninvited. Liam can still come, though.” Harry deadpanned, another deep sigh shook his body just a bit.

“Guess that’s what you get for not letting us throw you a real bachelor party.” Malik shrugged and got up to get himself another beer.

“What was wrong with the one we had?” 

“First of all, Louis shouldn’t be there. There should be a stripper and we probably shouldn’t be sitting in our flat.” Malik spewed out, still somewhat bitter about the whole failed bachelor party thing he had in mind.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you a stripper for your party. Hell, we’ll get Liam one too!” The groom joked, his laughter got lost on its way out when he saw his phone light up. Thankfully, Zayn was still in the kitchen when he opened the message from… Niall?

_“Go to the bathroom, now. Take your phone. L”_ The message read, Styles felt he sudden rush pump through his veins as he hopped on his big feet, much to Winston’s disapproval and went to the bathroom, locking himself in before his friend could ever get a hang of his disappearance.

Sure enough, the phone started buzzing right after Harry sat on the edge of the bathtub. He felt so giddy all of a sudden. Yeah, they were not supposed to contact each other but it was Zayn’s and Niall’s fault for fucking up and giving them the opportunity to do that.

“Hiii.” Louis giggled into the phone when his partner answered his phone, a heavy feeling settled in his heart when he realized how much he missed Louis.

“Hello, baby. I miss you very, very much.” Styles chuckled into the phone and just for a quick second, they were silent, listening to snippets of each other’s laughter.

“I miss you more. I stole Niall’s phone.” Tomlinson boasted and brunette could practically see before his eyes the smug smirk on his partner’s face.

“I figured, you’re gonna get in trouble.” And just as he stopped talking, Harry heard knocking on Louis’ side.

“Oops.” He only got in response. “Oh, sod off!” The man shouted to the friend who kept on trying to disturb them. “Are you nervous?” He asked, his voice quiet, he was whispering. Something in the way he sounded made Harry think that perhaps he was a bit scared.

“No, not at all. Are you getting cold feet?” Brunette chuckled into the phone, yet again. 

“No, no cold feet. I’m just a bit scared. That’s it.” He sighed. “Eh, my feet are quite cold, to be honest. Could use you here.” 

“Of course, they are, when are they not?” Harry scoffed. “Scared? What are you scared of?”

“Knowing me I’ll probably get words mixed up or trip or I don’t know. I’m scared to make a fool out of myself.” The younger one sighed deeply. “You’ll be perfect and I’ll look like an idiot.”

“If you trip, I’m going down with you. Isn’t that what this whole thing is about? And I can promise you that you will see me cry tomorrow. That’s far from perfect.” Harry’s laugh ringed just a bit in the air. “I love you, Louis, it’s going to be perfect. Whatever happens.”

“Did Anne tell you anything? I’m scared that we’ll arrive and there’s nothing.” 

“If something was wrong, they would’ve told us. Don’t worry, baby. Did you pack yet?” Brunette tried to provide emotional comfort to his partner. Harry, himself was much to his own surprise pretty calm. 

“I’m kind of in the process.” Lou sighed yet again. “I’m tired, I miss you.” He whined, summoning some weird protective instinct that stung in Styles’ chest.

“I know baby, it will all be worth it though. You better go to sleep, we have a big day ahead of us. Don’t worry about packing for the trip, I’ll do that for you.” 

“No, I’ll do it. Don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight. It’s weird and the couch is so uncomfortable. Niall will probably snore too.” 

“There are earplugs in one of the bathroom drawers. Have a drink or two with Niall or with girls when they return.” The older one proposed different solutions to Lou’s sleeping problems. “Think about the next night though. We’ll stay in bed till it’s dark out. The earlier you go to sleep, the sooner you’ll see me.” 

“Finally, some good motivation.” Louis laughed into the phone, the sound sent a whole bunch of serotonin to his partner’s brain. “Oh, I think the girls are back.” 

“You better go then, I love you, Louis. Sleep well and don’t worry about anything. It will be perfect and nothing can make it any different.” 

“Jesus, how do you always know how to say the right thing?”

“Wait till you hear the vows I got from google.” Styles successfully bettered his partner’s mood with a joke. “Kiss Bea from me, okay?”

“How about me?” Tomlinson tried to come off as angry.

“I’m gonna kiss you myself, tomorrow. I love you, my pretty little fiance.” Brunette took one of the last opportunities he had left to use that word he grew to love so much.

“Love you too, very much. See you tomorrow?” 

“I’ll think about it.” Harry chuckled and finished the call after just a bit of struggle. He wanted to keep talking but he heard that Niall was supported in his yelling at Louis by Lottie and some other Tomlinson voices that kind of morphed into one.

When brunette returned to the living room, Liam was already there.

“What were you doing in there so long?” Zayn asked, his eyebrow raised in suspicion when Harry got the bag of pretzels from the coffee table and took the limited space he had next to snoring bulldog that came somewhat alive when Styles came back.

“Um… nothing.” The guest shrugged and started chomping on salty snacks, his mind still in the apartment not that far away from where he was right now.

“I fucking hope you weren’t wanking in there.” Malik threw him a warning gaze, his eyes dark, threatening.

“God, no! I was talking to Louis. I’m not thirteen.” The brunette rolled his eyes to the ceiling and his eyes went back to the dog, who now begged him for the pretzels he’s been eating. Sure enough, Harry budged and gave him three.

“I don’t know which is worse.” Liam chuckled just a bit. “If you keep giving him those, you’ll be the one suffocating with his farts the entire night.” The man warned.

“Oh, sorry.” Styles gave an apologetic look to the animal which looked at him sadly. “Is everything okay, you know… in the place.” He asked Liam, who just now got back from the venue. They went in the morning, he took Harry’s mom, sister and Louis’ sisters there so they could tweak just the last things. 

“Everything is great, don’t you worry about it.” Payne comforted his friend and shifted his attention back to Zayn, who was very much delighted with that outcome. Their lives were quite hectic too, with all that wedding chaos.

The clock showed twenty past midnight when Harry was still sat in the living room, his favourite notebook propped on his knee as he read through the vows he had ready for tomorrow. He felt pretty good about them, as he should since he started writing them not that long after the proposal. It wasn’t that serious at first, just small bits and pieces that sometimes found their way into his brain, ones that he was scared to forget so he wrote them down. Singular, jumbled sentences that he put into this sort of a speech he was going to prove himself to Louis with.

It wasn’t much, though. Harry always thought that he was one of those people that would just keep on babbling and babbling until everybody had enough but when it came to writing his vows… there was not much he had actually to say. Just because all of those things were so, so personal to him and Louis, maybe even too personal to let their wedding guests on them. That’s why he had this sort of side project he was going to present to Louis sometime else, but the plans had changed along the way and he ended up texting the snippets that did not make the cut to his soon-to-be husband since he knew, that Louis’ phone was shut down and in Niall’s possession. Just this little treat he’ll have when he finally gets his phone back.

It was late, Styles knew that he should’ve been sleeping already but he just couldn’t. It’s not even nerves he was feeling, no. He just missed Louis, to be honest. They haven’t spent a night apart in so long, it was weird and every time Harry tried to lay down for the night, he felt like something was missing. Because it was. This petite guy that breathed so softly by his side was not there and his absence was very much noticeable. The plan Zayn and Niall had to separate them in order to get them both a good night’s sleep had backfired and Harry could only imagine that Louis was awake too.

The hand of the clock had passed one in the morning when Styles finally turned off the lights and headed to the spare bedroom/studio/office he was going to sleep in. His lips twisted just a bit when he saw Winston, the glorious creature sprawled on the bed, taking up almost the entire space. Snoring, oh how he was snoring. It was bound to be a sleepless night, whether he was disturbed by the dog or not. That’s why he just went along with Winston’s wishes and slid him just a tiny bit to the side, so he had somewhere to lay. To muffle at least some of the snoring that was so loud, that it kind of made it seem like the whole room was trembling, Harry put his earphones on, turning on the playlist he’s been listening to lately and much to his surprise, he ended up falling asleep quite quickly. 


	27. Chapter 27

“Can you tell me why the fuck are we up so early? There’s so much time left.” Louis scolded Niall who dragged him out of the bed at nine in the morning.

“Anne made us breakfast, come on. It’s still warm.” The Irish lad seemed to be quite excited about this little gesture of kindness from Harry’s mother.

“Are they still here?” Lou asked, somewhat guilty about his reaction to being woken up, especially if Anne was still there. If they were still here, she was bound to hear his little diva moment.

“No, they’ve just left. Liam took them. It’s just us.” 

“Cool.” The shorter one got from the couch he was sleeping on and as soon as he did, he felt the blunt pain on his side, just in the spot the wooden piece of the couch was pressing the whole night. 

“I don’t think I can even eat right now.” Louis admitted after he fumbled with his scrambled eggs for enough time for them to get cold. 

“Are you okay? You look bizarre.” Niall commented as he ate the second serving of the breakfast. He wasn’t wrong, though. Louis’ skin looked sickly pale, borderline green when he sat by the table.

“I’m fine, I just need to smoke. That’s it.” The man got up from the seat and dragged his bare feet to the balcony that was small, but still bigger than the one they had in their previous apartment. This one was big enough to fit this wicker sort of loveseat which Louis’ weak legs appreciated at the moment. He just sat on it and chain-smoked as he thought about Harry. Was he awake too? He couldn’t be, not with Zayn being his babysitter.

He was quite pissed that he was woken up that early. Yes, the breakfast was a nice gesture and Louis appreciated that but he still couldn’t rid his mind of this weird irritation he felt solely from the fact that he had full six hours till Niall and he can head to the venue. Till he can see Harry.

“Can I get my phone back, please?” Tomlinson smiled overly sweetly at his friend who still was going through his breakfast. 

“I guess, yeah. It’s in the drawer with all the kitchen stuff.” Niall pointed his finger in the general direction of the drawers as if Louis didn’t know where he had them in the kitchen. It didn’t take long for Louis to find his phone. His fingers clasped around the device like he was scared to lose it again, perhaps he was just a bit. He waited impatiently as the welcome screen went away, revealing over twenty new messages. Every single one from Harry.

_“Hello baby, you look beautiful this morning.”_ The last one read, so Harry was not asleep either. 

Louis grinned at the screen, even though he knew damn well he looked like he was hit by the bus at least three times.

“Eden’s going to be here at two, to get your hair sorted.” Niall broke the silence but the information flew right past Tomlinson as he was focused on scrolling up his messages. 

He ducked to the bathroom to get some privacy, turning on the tap to seem like he was showering when he wasn’t. He sat on the tiles, his knees pulled to his chest as he went on the journey through Harry’s texts.

-

“I can do my own hair, what even is this?” Harry glanced at the array of various brushes, hairdryer attachments and styling products laid before him on a table.

“Harry, why do you have to be so difficult?” The girl sighed deeply as she tugged just a bit on Styles’ wet hair that started twisting into its characteristic waves. “You need to look good, you’ll look like a bum next to Louis.” The girl tried persuading her friend who was now busy admiring his painted nails. A splash of silver, glittery polish perfectly matched the band he had moved onto his right hand. It felt very out of place in there, still less bizarre than actual lack of the weight on Harry’s ring finger.

“He looks hot, doesn’t he?” Styles chuckled even though he had no idea how Louis looked after Eden was done with him. Either way, he could’ve been dragged straight out of bed, his hair messy, eyes wonky and he’d still look heavenly.

“He does, that’s why you have to stop whining and let me do your hair. We don’t have too much time and there’s still the blonde little princess we have to take care of.” The girl threw an amused look in Zayn’s direction. The man was steaming their shirts with a grimace on his face.

“Do you have everything? Please tell me you have everything? The rings, the… what are you even supposed to have?” Harry couldn’t sit straight in the car, annoying the hell out of Zayn who was driving them to the venue.

“I have everything, don’t worry about it, Mr Unbothered.” Malik scoffed, he tried to act like this whole nervous Harry persona wasn’t quite endearing to look at. The nerves finally caught up to him, thankfully they were almost there.

“DO I HAVE EVERYTHING?” Styles said with a panic in his voice when he started patting his entire body, relaxing only when he found a slip of cream-coloured paper in his chest pocket. “It’s here, we’re good.”

“Should I get you a shot? Maybe a blunt?” The friend proposed when he took a turn and the gravel started crunching underneath the tires. 

“I’m okay, I’m not going to get married stoned.” He threw his friend an irritated gaze as if he wasn’t the annoying one.

“We’re here.” Zayn chippered when he parked. Their car was one of the last ones, pretty much all the spaces were taken when they left the car, the same gravel that stretched from the main road led to the pavement.

“Louis is here already?” Harry asked in a sudden rush of fear that his fiance was not going to show up. He did not know why he wouldn’t, Louis seemed to be very much into the idea of getting married. Especially when he called him, crying after he went through Styles’ texts. But nothing in Harry’s head was rational. There was just this terrifying thought that for some reason he was going to be stood up.

“He’s here. Liam got him and Niall earlier. Everything’s fine.” Harry stood on the stone path, his eyes stuck to the tent in the distance. There were people in there, some familiar, some not so much. People he thankfully didn’t have to entertain at least till the ceremony is not over.

Despite Louis’ worrying, the scenery looked better than Harry imagined it to. It was modest, but that’s exactly what they wanted. Blades of green grass were upright, alert after the little drizzle they got last night. The path they were walking on was surrounded by flowerbeds with blue and white hydrangeas mixed in them, a permanent fixture to the venue. The walkway split near the middle, one part leading to the garden, where all guests were gathered, socializing before the main event; the second leading to the small, brick building where Harry and Zayn were headed. 

It was a lot to take in. Styles was mad that his brain pulled such a trick on him. He never felt nervous at the thought of the wedding, not until they had to leave Zayn’s apartment and it all of the sudden became too real.

“Are our bags in the car?” The groom asked, ticking all the stuff he asked for from the list he made up in his head. Rings? Check. Vows? Check. Louis? Check. Him? Yep. 

“Yes, everything is set and ready to go. And if not, you have a whole ass crisis force to your disposition.” Zayn chuckled under his breath as he pulled the heavy, mahogany door and let his friend take the lead. “The second door to the right.” He instructed and sure enough, Harry obeyed and dragged his heavy feet to the door. He tripped on the rug, thankfully he could regain the balance before he fell to the floor.

“Stooop.” Brunette complained when his sister entered the room with a camera, snapping candid pictures of him as he sat on the chaise longue and read through his vows. Making sure he did not make a typo as if it even mattered, considering that he was the only person who was going to see the paper it was written on.

“Probably shouldn’t have told Louis that you’re relaxed and not nervous at all.” Gemma nudged her brother in the shoulder as she fixed her angle, taking a closeup of her brother’s profile. “To be fair, you were when I saw you the last time.” 

“Is he nervous?” Styles couldn’t help the smirk that bent his lips upwards, getting out of control and exposing his teeth just a bit as he thought about Louis who, he knew for a fact was in the room next to his. 

“Just a little.” The woman chuckled. “A whole fucking lot, actually.” She sat next to her brother and rested her head on his shoulder. “Kinda not fair that you’re the first one.” 

“Yeah? Should we call this whole thing off then?” Harry teased, the engagement ring clasped between the thumb and an index finger as he spun it around, nervously. The stones flashing shyly in the sunlight that fell through the window.

“Fuck no, they’d murder you. Mom, Lottie… You’d be done for.” A collective chuckle shook their bodies, their similarities jumped out when they were just there, side by side. 

“I’m real fucking terrified right now.” The man confessed; his eyes plastered to the wooden floor as he observed dust particles dancing in the beams to occupy his racing mind.

“Why though? Doesn’t it feel right? Do you have doubts?” Gemma asked and twisted the ends of her blonde-dipped hair around her finger.

“No doubts, never.” The taller one snickered when he realized that his fear had no source, it just was there. “I don’t know, it’s dumb.” He cut when the door opened and Anne joined her children. She looked elegant, in her dark crimson dress that ended just a bit below her knee. 

“Our little boy is scared shitless, mom.” Gemma poked at her brother when Anne approached her son, leaning just a bit when she pinned a small boutonniere to the lapel of the groom’s jacket. Harry smiled at the sight of a bright yellow sunflower that now ornamented his quite simple suit. 

“Of course, he’s scared. It’s a big day for him.” The woman smiled sweetly at her son, poking his nose with the tip of her finger. “Can’t believe you’re getting married.” She sighed. “Just a few years ago you were this small little thing, always so chipper.” The man reached his palm to his mother’s cheek when he saw tears threatening to ruin her makeup. They didn’t, Anne composed herself before they could.

“It feels right, mom. It really does.” The man sighed deeply when his mother sat next to him, she took his hands and put them on her lap. Glancing at Gemma who decided to immortalize that gentle moment.

“I know it does, honey. It always felt right, didn’t it?” Harry only shook his head in agreement, a phantom object obstructing his airflow when the dark thought emerged in his head. What if they never reconciled? What would be Harry doing with his life right now?

“Stand up, you sap.” Gemma commandeered and pointed to the space where she wanted the pair to pose. A wide grin on both of their faces when the picture was snapped.

“I’m so proud of you.” Anne admitted when the photographer left them alone to take more pictures of Louis, Harry could only imagine how enthusiastic his fiance was with that little photoshoot. 

“I love you, mum. God, I’m scared.” A delicate hand rested on Styles’ soft cheek, a thumb grazed the skin delicately.

“It’s going to be over very soon, there won’t be any fear then.” Harry swallowed hard when he glanced at the clock that proved that he had less time than he thought he had.

“Wish Robin could be here today.” The man sighed, squeezing his mom’s hand in a comforting gesture.

“He is, so is Johannah.” Anne smiled softly. “He’s proud of you too, baby. He always was and always will be.” Wetness danced in both of their eyes, so alike each other before the woman stood up. “I’ll see if I’m needed somewhere else, do you want to have a moment alone?” She asked as she slipped her petite hand from her son’s embrace. 

“Maybe, I don’t know… You can tell Zayn to come here if you stumble upon him. I could use his attitude right now.” Styles chuckled to himself when he realized that it was actually true. The boundless collectedness he sometimes could not stand, was something he’d appreciate at the moment.

“Of course, baby. I love you, don’t forget to breathe.” Anne winked at her son before she disappeared behind the door.

The solitude was especially heavy at that particular moment. Thankfully, Harry did not have many opportunities to experience it on his wedding day. There was always somebody around him and yet again, just when the loneliness started to get unbearable, Zayn entered the room. 

“Are we okay? Still have that blunt if you changed your mind.” Malik chuckled at the terrified expression on his friend’s face.

“Still no.” The shorter man approached Harry and straightened his suit jacket. Brunette noticed a smaller, similar boutonniere pinned to his best man’s jacket.

“Can we go now?” Zayn asked and he could not help but snicker at the sickly expression on his friend’s face.

“Already? I thought we…” Styles glanced at the clock and sure enough, the fifteen minutes he thought he had disappeared somewhere between his worrying and panicking.

“He’s waiting for you already.” The flaps of brunette’s jackets were delicately flattened with the cinnamon hued hands of his friend when Malik offered this gaze that Harry had never seen before. It was calming, it was happy it was everything the groom needed at the moment.

“He is?” The taller one struggled through his closed-off throat and his best man only nodded.

“He wasn’t easier to get out either. At one point, I think he was seriously considering accepting that blunt.” Both men’s teeth got exposed with a smile as Harry took three last breaths, checked if he still had his vows ready, just in case and let himself get dragged to the undisclosed destination.

And suddenly, they were there. Standing right opposite each other, eyes plastered to one another's faces as they soaked up the moment. It was very anticlimactic. All the worries, all the panic had vanished when Harry’s eyes landed on his fiance and it was just the same for Louis. 

They walked hand in hand to the white arch, fresh flowers woven between the wooden construction that turned out to be their stop. A woman was standing between them, very official yet not intimidating at all. Her hair was blonde and smile was warm and that’s pretty much everything that either of them could remember after the ceremony. How could they focus on anything else besides each other? Especially when both of them looked incredibly handsome in their simple, tailored suits. 

When the time has come to exchange vows, Harry could swear he heard his partner curse under his breath as he unfolded a piece of white paper with his trembling fingers and he’d lie if he’d say that this was not the most Louis thing to do. There was nothing else. It was Harry, it was Louis and nobody else. Just as if they were alone in that beautiful garden. Filled with various sized sunflowers because that was the only thing Harry had contributed to the wedding preparations. It just had to be yellow, so yellow.

“Harry.” Louis swallowed when he brought his head up to look at his partner, his blue eyes just as teary as those green ones opposite of him. “You know that I’ve never been good with words and honestly, you probably should be glad that I did not get this from the internet.” A wide grin was exchanged between grooms when a small wave of laughter passed through the guests, sitting on the rustic benches so close to them, yet so far away. “When I met you, I was lost. I did not know who I was, did not know what I wanted. I did not know how it felt to love and be loved and suddenly, you were there. With your stupid little school project and that pasta you made when we met, honestly, that pasta is probably the reason why we’re here today.” Tomlinson took a deep breath, pushing his tears away as he scrunched the piece of paper and put it back into his pocket. "The point is, that we’ve been through a lot with each other and I know how it is to live with you and live without you and I know that sounds corny as fuck but I don’t want to ever live in a world you’re not a part of. You and your weird vegetables that you make me eat, you and that awful smell of paint thinner that lingers in the apartment when you paint, you and how jealous you get because Bea likes me more than you... Nothing will ever make me give up any of these because those are the little things that make you, and I love you and I always did and I always will. Whether you’re such a handsome hunk you are today or a bald, toothless grump that I’m pretty sure is your ultimate form.” The crowd joined in a chuckle. “I want you to annoy me with your sunscreen and want you to annoy out future children with it because I just know, that you’re destined to be a father.” The man swiped a tear with the top of his hand. “I’ve been babbling for way too long already…” He sighed. “The bottom line is that I want to have you beside me, for better or for worse. I want you to be by my side when I’m sick, when I’m healthy and when I die, and I promise that I will be there for you, whenever you need me because we’re a team and we’ll get through anything as long as we stay together.” Louis’ bit his cheek in an attempt to stop the trembling of his jaw which was quite fruitless. Harry full on delivered on his promise of crying at that moment, big, wet pearls slipping down his tanned cheek and he just saw Gemma zooming on his face, he was sure that on the other side, one of the twins was doing the same to Louis.

“Harry, would you like to say something to Louis?” The official asked pulling Styles out of the deep ocean of his partner’s eyes.

“Oh. Yes, naturally.” Brunette sighed deeply, his eyes plastered to Louis who showed him a whole another side of him. One, Harry did not know before. “And I thought mine was long.” His wet cheeks dimpled with a grin as he felt a small kick to the tip of his shoe. “Louis, baby, sunshine…” Styles stalled as he tried to compose himself. “It’s kind of creepy how similar out vows came out to be but I guess this only means that we’re compatible or something. So, I’m going rogue.” The taller groom disclaimed. “Louis, I don’t even think that there are words that could possibly describe how I feel about you because love just doesn’t seem to be big enough.” He sighed and shook his head, a smirk still stuck to his face. “You’d think that after years of knowing that this day was bound to happen I’d have something more to say than that I’m beyond excited to share my life with you because it feels so right, it always did I am more than certain that it will never stop. I always had this fairy tale idea about love, a fantasy of a prince that will come on a white horse and sweep me off my feet and well… the bus worked too, as we can see. And yeah, it was not always perfect and there are some things that we could’ve done better but honestly, standing here with you today… I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you, Louis, for teaching me what true happiness means, for always being by my side when I need you and for promising me such a perfect future. I can promise you the same in exchange and it feels like it’s too little and also just enough at the same time… I want you, I want all of your sass and all of your quirks, I want them forever, I want to discover new ones as we go and I promise to love and adore you like you deserve to be adored each and every day we spend together, because… Louis Tomlinson, I like you. I REALLY do like you.” Tomlinson scoffed at the little easter egg woven in the improvised speech. He wasn’t crying, yet. He knew he would before the day was over but he promised that he wouldn’t cry at the altar and he was stubborn enough to keep his promise. 

And soon, it was all over. Their hands felt heavier, a lot heavier than the weight of the bands on their fingers. Somehow, they fit into one another even better than they did before, and every time they had to separate for just the shortest of moments, it felt wrong. Like something was missing. Because it was.

They were busy, oh so busy. Occupied with classic, wedding things. Side by side receiving wishes from family and friends, mingling and being social despite the fact that all they wanted was to be alone. 

Louis’ legs were tired from all the dancing he’s been forced to do. With Harry, their little wobble to the sound of their song, with his sisters and his new in-laws. But as much as the man hated dancing, it was all good, beautiful. It was perfect, way beyond what he had imagined. 

He still hasn’t cried, it was well after the official part, everybody sat at the two long tables that looked positively rustic when Zayn got up from his seat, he looked terrified, to say the least, Louis was surprised that he hadn’t made use of that joint he proposed him earlier. The man smoothed his suit jacket as Liam brought everybody’s attention by gently knocking his knife on the thin glass his champagne was in. By the threatening gaze Louis saw his friend throw at his partner, he could only imagine that Malik perhaps needed just a bit more time, but oh well… It was not the first thing that did not go exactly as they planned but it was all okay. Everything would be okay as long as Louis was with Harry, pressing into his body as they recovered from the first round of the dinner, the soup portion might have been a bit bigger than it needed to be. 

“Everybody who knows me, or ever had a dubious pleasure of interacting with me is aware that I’m everything but a talker.” Zayn started, looking around the guests who encouraged him with a collective laugh as he fought his hatred for public speaking. “Due to my role in this beautiful event we all have the honour of participating in, I’ve been kind of forced to say something so I guess… here goes nothing.” The guests chuckled again when the man searched his head for the words which he had somewhat prepared. “Harry we’re all seeing today, sitting there all handsome and social is not a Harry I knew a few years back. Harry I knew was closed off, melancholic prick who I had to threaten so he’d leave his flat. He was so in love in the idea of being in love that he REFUSED to date anybody, thinking that if he’d ever find the one…” Malik took two last words in pretend quotation marks. “…it would be obvious from the start. And now that I’m thinking about it… That fucker was right, wasn’t he?” Zayn looked down at his best friends; Harry’s hand wrapped around his husband’s waist, clinging to him even though they had more than plenty of time to enjoy each other’s company. They were grinning, widely. The happiest they have ever been. “Harry I knew wouldn’t stop talking about Louis from the moment they’ve met. Charmed by those thunder thighs of his, quickly getting lured by his soul and that little foul mouth of his. Harry I knew told me I’ll be the best man at their wedding a month after they’ve met. That was Harry I knew. A hopeless romantic with head in the clouds.” Zayn shook his head while he grinned at his best friend. “But then Louis came to the picture and flipped everything upside down. He made my friend so happy, so confident and that’s a thing I couldn’t be thankful enough for.” Malik leaned to the smaller groom and ruffled his hair in a gesture of endearment, pulling a laugh from the crowd, Louis’ face scrunching in annoyance. “Out of anybody, this is the guy who transformed the most. From timid, conflicted, annoying child he grew into a man who knows what he wants, the bravest lad I had the chance of meeting. A loud, loving dude who still annoys the hell out of me. For whole different reasons though.” Malik smirked. “Some of us probably know more than the others that their relationship was far from steady, on and off but they still always managed to find their way to each other. Very irritating in the process if I can say so myself.” Another laugh, Zayn’s mouth getting dry from talking so much. “But let’s let the past be the past. We’re gathered here on this beautiful evening to celebrate the love that despite all of the hardships, was always there. And will always be there. I can bet that it will.” Malik smiled lovingly to all of the people he was sharing a table with. “So, I’ll finally shut up. But first, let’s raise our glasses to those guys that we all know and adore. To old Harry, old Louis who did everything in their power to make things harder on themselves; to new Harry, new Louis that finally got what they always wanted. To their love that brought us all here on this day. To eternity they have to share, to milestones they have ahead of them and the beautiful bond that will last forever. And most and foremost to that bubble butt that started the chain reaction that resulted in this marriage.” Zayn let the guests laugh when he swallowed hard. “To Harry and Louis, to love.” Malik raised his glass and was joined in a toast by all of the guests.

“Man, what the fuck?” Tomlinson nudged his friend’s shoulder when he finally sat after making the toast. Tears were shining in his eyes for the quickest of seconds but he refused to acknowledge that fact. “Who would’ve thought, Zayn has a soul.” He snickered just a bit when he brushed his spread fingers through his hair, fully parting with the nice hairstyle Eden worked so hard on.

“Who did you pay to write that?” Niall gave him an accusatory look, not very excited that he made Malik talk before him.

“I saw him write it, it’s all from that cold heart of his.” Liam supported his partner and flattened a palm on the spot where he could feel Zayn’s heart beating.

“He’s a cop, he can’t lie.” Harry spoke as he nuzzled his chin deeper in his husband’s shoulder. The whole word still felt unreal when he thought about Louis like that.

“Sure, let’s just say that I can’t.” 

There was more time for wedding-y stuff, the day was blending into the night when Harry came back from dancing with his godmother, his hair just a bit damp by the roots as Louis reached to fix it. 

“How’s my husband doing?” Brunette asked for maybe the tenth time that evening, he just loved the way the word sounded in his ears, the way Louis smiled at his new title.

“Splendid… and tired.” Tomlinson answered the question, his hand grabbing onto Harry’s when the commotion broke out, their heads turning only to see the cake they’ve chosen themselves being wheeled on some sort of cart. Fountains of sparks flew from the candles as the guests cheered, giving the grooms the cue to get up.

Cutting the cake took way more time than it needed to take. Yeah, of course, they smeared the icing all over each other’s mouths in the process as they plated and handed the very classic treat to their guests, receiving repeated wishes from some of them in the process. Despite Louis’ protests, his husband cut him the biggest piece and now they were sitting on the bench, devouring the dessert when Niall got up from the seat, his moves way less graceful than Zayn’s, hitting his knees on the table as he got up, the unbelievable amount of noise he managed to create immediately pulled attention of the majority of guests.

“Hi there, I guess it’s my turn to say something to give us an excuse to drink.” Niall endeared the guests with the first sentence that left that loud mouth of his. “I know that everybody who had a chance to say something today said the same, but I’m not bullshitting you when I say that speeches are not my forte… So I guess I’ll just do what I always wanted to do and embarrass the hell out of them, Louis especially because oh well, he’s the one who gave me this power so it’s only right that I make him regret it, right?” Tomlinson gave his friend a suspicious look but Horan fully brushed over it and just raised his glass. “Let’s just raise our glasses to our friends, our family. To Louis who once sucker-punched a dude twice his size because he made sweet eyes to Harry, and to Harry who probably saved our sassy friend over there from being murdered that day. What else I can say? To love, and let’s just get smashed.” Niall cackled and downed his glass of champagne in one go, sitting on his place right after he stopped talking, amused laughs still echoing when he got back to eating.

“Do you think anyone will mind if we sneak away?” Harry murmured into Louis’ ear, their fingers intertwined, laying on Tomlinson’s lap. There were not sure about the time, it was dark for quite a long already so it had to be late.

“Uh, you always know what to say.” Louis sighed deeply and straightened his posture. “Anne?” He addressed his new mother-in-law.

“Yeah, darling?” The woman offered her most sincere smile as she watched her son in this tender moment.

“Do you know what time it is by any chance?” The man reciprocated her expression as the woman gave a quick look to the phone she had in her handbag.

“Oh, lord. It’s half past midnight. When did it get so late?” She shook her head and took a sip of her drink.

“Is it rude if we leave now?” Harry asked his mother, after all, she was better accustomed to all the wedding etiquette stuff.

“No, I don’t think it’s rude.” The woman shook her head and scooted closer, placing her delicate hand on the cluster of Louis’ and Harry’s hands. “Am I going to see you before you go to Paris?” 

“Yeah, we’ll be home tomorrow evening.” Harry reassured his mother. “Please, don’t forget to feed Bea.” Brunette reminded his mother, always so considerate about that little pet of his.

“Of course, I doubt she’d let me forget.” Anne chuckled. “Okay then. Rest well, have fun and… I’m so proud of both of you, so happy.” Tears danced in her eyes just for a second before she pushed them back, placing a small peck on both of her son’s cheeks. “Say goodbye to people, okay?” She gave a warning stare to Harry who only nodded.

“Goodnight mum.” Styles got up, pulling his new husband away before he could say his goodbyes, the half-assed wave had to do.

“I’m pretty sure your mum didn’t mean Zayn when she told us to say goodbye to people.” Louis scoffed as they sat in the back of Liam’s car when the man hauled them to their hotel for the night.

As much as both of them thought it was unnecessary, that they’d be good with spending their wedding night at their own place it only made sense to stay in one of those fancy suites since every flat surface in theirs and Zayn’s place was packed with air mattresses and the closest family to occupy them.

“Yeah, I think we’ll be in trouble when we get home.” Styles grimaced and opened his mouth to receive the spoonful of cake his husband fed him. A big chunk of their leftover treat laying in a box on Louis’ lap as they devoured it on their way.

“Should I be scared now too? You know, she’s my mum too now, isn’t she?” Louis’ teeth showed in a wide grin as the thought of the whole day started being more and more real.

“Oh, boy… get ready for the ass whooping.” Styles laughed as Liam took a turn, groom’s bodies leaning to the right.

“From her or you?” Louis teased with a devilish smirk on his lips, just a bit of white icing in the corner of his mouth, quickly swiped with Harry’s tongue as he leaned into the kiss. One of the first kisses as the married couple tasted particularly sweet, and it was not the lingering taste of cake in their mouths that made it that way.

“Hands where I can see them!” Liam gazed at them in the rear-view mirror as he joked. “Thank god, we’re here.” The officer pulled up and parked in front of the hotel. “You’re sure you’re good now?” He asked again when his friends insisted that he did not have to help them with checking in. 

“What now?” Louis asked when he bounced his bottom on the soft mattress of the enormous bed of the suite, they had all to themselves.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” Harry scoffed as he untied his bowtie, unbuttoning his shirt right after. “Look at us, clueless virgins.” He shook his head, the shirt landing on a desk chair, accompanied by his jacket.

“I’m so glad we’ve waited till marriage.” Louis got up from the bed, the bedding wrinkled where his butt indented it. “Maybe we just should go to bed instead, I’m tired.” The smirk on his face exposed all his intentions.

“Yeah, right.” Harry scoffed and brought his hands up to touch his husband’s face, his fingers fanned out on his cheeks, reddened by the alcohol he consumed. He wasn’t drunk though, positively tipsy. “You’re so beautiful, I love you so much. My pretty little husband.” Styles’ eyes glistened with wetness in the dim lamplight reaching them from the nightstands when he leaned down to kiss his partner, his thin lips still sweet from the cake they left in the car.

“Did you really tell Zayn we’re going to get married a month after we met?” Tomlinson remembered the question he was going to ask since he heard Malik’s speech and so, he did. A mocking smirk bent his lips just a bit.

“Yeah, I did.” The taller one admitted, his cheeks dimpled as he grinned happily. “Right after Christmas… Look at me, a prophet of sorts.” Both men chuckled but Harry slipped away, leaving his lover standing when he ducked into the bathroom, opening the faucet to fill the enormous bath they had for the night.

“Get naked, hubby. We’re taking a bath.” Brunette laughed and got back to the main room, he took out the bottle of champagne the hotel provided for them from the ice bucket and uncorked it, a loud noise startled Louis just a bit when the cork went flying… somewhere. 

“Can you believe?” Harry asked as he looked at the wedding ring on his finger, the bottle of champagne in the other hand as they took turns taking swigs of the alcohol. 

“Oh, stop being such a sap for a minute!” Louis chuckled and threw his head back, reaching his lips to the rim of the bottle as he pressed his back into his husband’s belly. “Did you ever think it would end up this way?” Tomlinson murmured, his neck bent in an awkward angle as he gazed at the love of his life.

“I just told you that I did.” Harry scoffed and gulped from their nearly empty bottle.

“No, but you know… seriously.” Lou’s eyes rolled to the ceiling, his fingers grazing the skin on Harry’s thigh.

“When am I not serious, Louis?” Brunette’s fingers twisted the wedding ring on his husband’s finger, his face nuzzled in Lou’s damp hair when he opened the faucet once again, letting the hot water bring the temperature of their bath back up, stirring in the cascade into the lukewarm bath so they wouldn’t get burned.

“You’re such a sap.” Tomlinson dropped the empty bottle on the fuzzy rug laid by the bathtub and turned his body, taking full advantage of the huge bath as he straddled his husband, fanned out fingers digging into Harry’s dark hair, stiffened just a bit from the product Eden used while styling it. “What a handsome sap, though.” The man sighed, lips pressed to his partner’s ear, teeth nibbling on the tender skin behind it, brunette’s head turned to the side to allow easier access. 

“God, how do you keep getting better?” Harry murmured, his hands wandering along Louis’ sides, fingertips brushing on the wet skin ever so slightly, worshipping every inch of the tanned skin. 

“It’s gonna go downhill from here.” The shorter one chuckled, boozy breath pooling around Styles’ ear when his man started rolling his hips in circles, his fingers massaging Harry’s scalp as his lips started sliding down, leaving prominent bruises on the thin skin of brunette’s neck. “Let’s get out.” Lou commandeered and much to the older one’s disappointed stood up, the rhythmic movements of his hips missed right away.

The want turned out to be too urgent, men laid on the neatly made bed, still wet since they deemed drying their bodies off redundant. Harry hovered over his partner, his lips coming into contact with his husband’s skin ever second, placing delicate pecks while he stroked the shorter man’s raising erection with his palm. He felt Louis’ fingers creeping up on his bottom and only gave him a dreamy gaze as he felt fingers brushing against his rim.

“Oh, god.” Louis spewed out in between shaky breaths, Harry’s head in between his spread legs as he ate him out, fingers involved for no reason other than pleasuring his partner. “No, no… please.” The man begged Styles to stop. “Want to come with you, don’t…” A breath hitched in his throat when his husband obeyed, pulling out his fingers, not forgetting about ‘accidentally’ hitting Tomlinson’s tender spot on the way out. “Little shit.” The shorter one chuckled, taking three deep breaths before he got up and sat up, his legs folded under his bum when he cut to the chase and started blowing his husband who now laid on the mattress, legs thrown open, left hand disappeared in Tomlinson’s hair as he guided the pace, gently pulling the brown hair when it felt appropriate.

“Close…” Was the only thing brunette could force out of his throat, three fingers scissoring inside of him, his cock still surrounded by his lover’s pretty mouth. “Please…” The man begged and Louis didn’t have to be asked twice. He helped his partner rest his long, strained limbs on his shoulders, as he pushed inside of him. Loud moans mixing as men got bolder with expressing their pleasure. “Oh, fuck.” The taller one cursed loudly when his lover bottomed out, filling him up in the most pleasurable way. “Love you so much.” He reassured, smiling sweetly from behind his hazy eyes when Louis pulled out almost completely, slamming his thighs back against Styles’ skin, green eyes rolling back as he whined, completely overcome with the emotion.

“Happy tears?” Tomlinson asked, concerned when he saw the wet beads slipping down his partner’s flushed face, lips bitten raw when Lou continued thrusting into his husband, fast, needy. 

Harry started nodding frantically, finding his husband’s hand on the mattress, braiding their fingers together, eyes plastered to one another’s, both men fighting to keep them open. The brunette was so well accustomed with his partner’s body that he could feel the approaching orgasm, his own hand gravitating to his cock, tugging on the length when he was fucked like he was never fucked before, at least that’s how it felt like. 

“Fuck, baby…” Louis cursed, pressing his glistening forehead to his partner’s shoulder, panting heavily as he spilt inside of his husband, Harry’s body trembling right below him when he felt him coming on his belly, come smearing between them as the younger guy’s hand gave up supporting his weight and the man fell, pressing himself completely to the brunette who now was kissing his husband’s palm. “Love you, love you so damn much.” Tomlinson whispered, kissing the salty skin of Harry’s shoulder, his teeth nibbling just a bit, tongue soothing the irritation away after he left the mark.

“Was I good? You know… for my first time.” Louis smirked at his partner as they laid on the bed, their bodies twisted together when they watched the sun come up. The sky progressively brighter, orange hue mixed with the blue when they refused to fall asleep, listening to each other’s shaky breaths.

“Eh.” Harry shrugged, the joke cost him a painful nudge in between his ribs. He traced his fingers over the skin on Louis’ shaky chest, he felt this inexplicable need to touch him, to admire every inch of his golden skin, to count his every breath, feel every beat of his heart under his fingertips. 

There was something unexplainable in the way they felt, neither of them addressed it but the sex was just so different from everything they’ve ever done even though, on the first glance it was not different at all. It was close, it was sweet and it was tender. But it was also primal, needy; oh so needy. There were bruises on Harry’s neck, a bite on his wrist and this warmth that filled every single vessel in his body. It was them, and it was simple. It was forever.

~*~

“Paris, huh?” Louis asked when they closed the door to their hotel room. “How’s my party pooper doing?” He teased his husband, his hand slipping down Harry’s slim body, tugging on the hem of his shirt before his hand slipped underneath it, grazing the skin delicately in an unambiguous way, curious fingers quickly finding their way to the button of Styles’ jeans.

“You can call me party pooper all you want but I will not let you fuck me on a plane.” Harry shook his head, throwing his head back against the door when he felt a hand gripping his stiffening length.

“We’ll see about that.” Louis smirked devilishly, his lips pressed to his husband’s neck as he sucked fresh love bites on the surface. “Harry Styles, we will join that club whether you like it or not.” The man whispered into the heated skin, just a little bit damp from the rain they were caught by on their way from the airport.

“Harry Styles? Don’t know the guy.” Harry’s adam’s apple bobbed just a bit when he laughed, a deep, guttural chuckle made his body tremble just a bit.

“Oh, right. Harry Tomlinson, I will fuck you on that plane if it’s the last thing I’ll do.” The shorter guy promised and proceeded to undress his husband, taking full advantage of their hotel room before the weather cleared up and they could do all of those things they pretended they did on their stay-at-home Paris trips.

“I don’t want to go out, can we get room service or something?” Louis whined from underneath the covers, his lips pressed to his husband’s groin.

“We could’ve stayed at home if I knew you’ll make a fuss about getting out of bed.” A small hiss seeped through Harry’s teeth when a slicked finger slipping past his strained rim.

“We’ve barely arrived, the weather is shit, we’ll go out tomorrow… I promise.” Louis reacted immediately to the pained expression on brunette’s face, spread him apart and pressed his tongue to the sore opening, a delightful moan escaped bottom’s lips as a confirmation that the smaller guy was doing a good job. “We’ll switch now, okay?” The man asked, concerned with the toll their very intensive sex life took on Harry’s body.

“Yeah, yeah… okay.” The taller one nodded. “I’ll get us something to eat first, I’m starving.” He groaned and reached over to the phone that was set on his nightstand. “Please don’t… oh” He asked his partner who wasn’t keen on the idea of stopping. “What do you want to eat?”

“Chips.” Louis murmured, still rubbed his partner’s rim with his tongue, Harry’s thighs twitching around him.

“We are in France and you want to eat chips?” Brunette scoffed, lifting the cover to send his partner an amused look.

“Aren’t they called french fries in the states? I’m not eating frogs or snails, get me chips and a beer, please.” Louis demanded and got back to the activity his partner interrupted. Harry calling room service with his husband still between his legs.

~*~

“Oh my, would you look at that ass.” Harry murmured in his husband’s ear, his arms wrapped around his man’s waist from behind, head resting on his shoulder when they looked at the Denis Foyatier’s sculpture of Spartacus that concluded their visit at Louvre. Brunette’s hips pressed tightly to Lou’s bottom giving him a good idea what ass was he talking about.

“Jesus Christ, behave… we’re in public.” Louis chuckled, his fingers grazing his partner’s hands delicately.

“What about that time when you’ve palmed me in that one café? That was pretty in public as well.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The shorter man acted clueless and turned around, giving his husband a quick kiss on the lips. “Hungry, can we go eat now?”

“I’m still not eating any snails, I swear to God, it’s not happening.” Louis looked at his companion who kept persuading him to try one of the escargot he ordered. 

“They’re so good though, you’d like them.” Harry reached his hand and grazed it over his partner’s for just a second, creating a diversion as he stole one of the clams from Lou’s plate. “Snails are pretty much the same as clams, why are you eating those then? They’re like brothers.” The taller one threw an accusatory look at his partner, trying to convince him to try something new even though he knew he lost that battle already.

“Not eating snails, talk more and the next dinner will be at McDonald’s.” Tomlinson spun some pasta around his fork and devoured it instantly.

“Will eat ass but not snails, got it.” Styles rolled his eyes to the sky that started turning grey all of a sudden, dark clouds sliding right above the men as they ate. “We better eat fast, it’s going to rain soon.”

“What about the tower?” 

“We’ll get an umbrella, I’m not giving up on the tower.” Brunette smirked at his partner lovingly, focusing on eating his dinner.

“Kinda disappointing isn’t it?” Louis asked looking at the iron tower in front of them, yellow lights glistening right before their eyes, people swarming around their linked bodies striving to take the best pictures possible.

“I liked our one better.” Harry murmured, pressing his lips to the lobe of his partner’s ear. “Heading back?”

“Yeah, please. My legs are killing me.” The smaller guy complained as he snapped a quick pic of the tower, sending it immediately to Zayn as his little project of proving Malik that he was wrong while making fun of their honeymoon destination.

“Wanna piggyback ride?” Brunette proposed but Louis shook his head, grabbing his partner’s hand, bodies pushed close together under the black umbrella shielding them from the rain when they walked the streets to their hotel.

~*~

“Do you want everybody to hate us here?” Louis chuckled looking at his partner, sprawled on the blanket set on the green grass. This was their last day in Paris, they had nothing else planned for the day apart from going around different parks that were staples in the area. The smaller guy was ripping apart a sourdough baguette they bought on the way to their caricature of a picnic. Harry laid down, his curls pooling around his head while he observed white clouds travelling across the blue sky, the soundtrack of Disney’s Ratatouille playing from his phone as an inside-joke. 

“They probably hate us already, nobody likes obnoxious tourists.” The man sat down, hand travelling behind his body when he reached for the beret he got years ago, propping it carelessly on top of his husband’s head.

“Tell me again, why exactly did you bring that?” Tomlinson sighed deeply, wondering what was on his man’s mind when he packed the damn headpiece but did not remember to grab his toothbrush. 

“Don’t judge me.” Harry squinted his eyes and leaned over to his partner, pressing a delicate kiss onto his crumb-covered lips before he slipped away and returned to the spot where he laid, snapping candid pictures of Lou, devouring the fresh baguette piece by piece.

~*~

“Would you please explain to me what it is that you think you’re doing?” Brunette asked when he rolled his head to the other side to confront Louis who interrupted his nap with a hand, wandering around Styles’ crotch. The malicious intentions were uncovered just when the taller one thought his partner covered him with the fleece blanket from the kindness of his heart.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” The other man shrugged, a smug smirk on his lips when he looked straight forward, eyes plastered to the little monitor streaming some animated movie. He continued his little investigation though, slipping his small hand underneath the waistband of his partner’s sweatpants, summoning a reaction when Styles pushed the air out of his lungs rapidly. His eyes failing to stay opened when he looked around the cabin to check if anybody could see what Tomlinson was doing. Didn’t seem like it, the passengers on the other side of their row were a mother and a child, both dead asleep even though the flight was not even two hours long.

“Jesus Christ, you’re such a little shit.” Harry murmured into his partner’s ear, pretending like he wanted to rid of the hand twisted around his cock when, in reality, he didn’t. 

“No, you are. If you weren’t I’d be balls deep in that tight little hole of yours right now.” Lou tried to sound threatening when he drawled through his teeth into his partner’s ear but broke the character in the end, chuckling just a bit as he stroked his husband shamelessly. The seats he booked himself having that little activity in mind proved to be perfect for what he was doing.

“Oh, sorry.” Styles shrugged just a bit, fighting to keep his breath somewhat normal when he was getting fondled underneath the blanket. He felt how determined his man was to make him come into his underwear and brunette was fully aware that the shorter guy will not rest until he reaches the goal. Much to his own surprise, Harry found this little project of Louis’ very hot, his mind racing as he was focused on the headrest in front of him, trying not to finish immediately so his husband wouldn’t be disappointed.

“You don’t seem so against the idea now, do you?” The shorter one chuckled when he felt a shudder shaking his partner’s body, his dark brows furrowed as he came, concluding his partner’s little side project. 

“I hate you.” Harry sighed deeply, looking around to make sure nobody saw them in the act, thankfully, it did not seem like it. The stewardesses still busy with passengers when the thing was over. 

~*~

“Exhausted.” Harry answered to the question about their wellbeing Zayn asked. They got back from their honeymoon just a day prior but they still managed to gather in Malik’s place to catch up, since the Tomlinson’s place was a whole mess caused by unpacked suitcases and laziness. 

“You did not hit it with the weather, huh?” Eden spoke, her back secured on the armchair as she sat on the floor. “What did you even do when it was raining all the time?” 

“We ate a lot of bread and tons of cheese; we saw the tower which is not as glamorous in person. We went to like a hundred museums and parks, saw like a million paintings, he even made me go to the opera, God, the opera!” Louis’ body shivered at the memory of their opera date which was, hands down the worst date they ever went on. 

“You took HIM to the opera?” Niall cackled looking at Louis’ face when the man still recalled the traumatic experience.

“It was in the tourist guide.” Harry shrugged as he took a swig from his bottle.

“And he didn’t even fuck me on the plane after!” Lou shook his head in disappointment as his joke received mixed reactions. From sheer fright in Niall’s eyes to amusement in Zayn’s.

“Okay, but now let’s talk about something actually important… gifts.” Malik gave the pair an inspecting look.

“Well, the thing is…” Brunette started, swirling the liquid at the bottom of a bottle he was holding. “We’ve got the gifts but we still haven’t unpacked. Next time, though.” He promised and sure enough, Zayn’s stare softened just a bit.

“How’s the married life treating you two?” Liam joined the conversation as he slid behind his partner, gladly letting the smaller man lean over him, his fingers clinging to Zayn’s right away.

“It’s exhausting.” Harry joked, but not really. He was awfully tired, both of them were. It was the good kind of tired, though. The too much sex and affection kind of tired and it would be just stupid to complain about it, yet he did. In a somewhat joking manner. 

“Gonna be hard going back to the boring life, won’t it?” Eden asked and brought back the topic that neither Harry nor Louis wanted to think about. Yeah, sure. They had their time to celebrate and enjoy each other’s company but they had only two days left till they had to go back to work and the thought of it was excruciating to both.

“Eh, I’ll have some quiet time without that one.” Brunette’s sense of humour was not appreciated by Louis who nudged him in the stomach but still clung to the hands that wrapped around him. “Gonna change my name on Monday.” He grinned widely at his friends, ecstatic about the idea of officially becoming a Tomlinson.

“Harry Tomlinson? Fuck, that’s weird.” Niall commented, his lips pressed together as he observed the married couple before his eyes.

“It’s not weird, you’re just used to Styles.” Harry shrugged and pressed a brief kiss behind his husband’s ear.

“Wouldn’t it be smart to keep the Styles, though?” Malik asked. “You want to start building your name from the bottom again?”

“Zayn, I’m not Monet, nobody even knows me. I’m sure the new name won’t affect my career.” The green eyes rolled to the ceiling as he clutched his arms tighter around the petite man in front of him, his man.


	28. Chapter 28

“One more day at this horrible job and I will murder that guy, I swear to god!” Harry sighed deeply when he plopped on the couch between his husband and best friend, moving a slightly overweight, a ginger cat they’ve adopted after Beatrice passed away after four years of a happy life she had with the Tomlinsons to his lap, the animal purring loudly at the single touch since that one was way fonder of brunette than Bea ever was. “I don’t know, maybe I’ll just quit and look for somebody else?” The man looked over his companion’s faces, blank and focused Louis and visibly amused Zayn. He just loved to see his friends struggle for some reason.

“What did he do now?” Malik asked, hopeful that he will pull more details of his friend’s misery.

“He has me calling a client all day, setting up the price for his paintings which are mediocre at best and once the guy finally budges and agrees on a price that is way too high for that shit, my little boss changes his mind because he thinks he can get two hundred quid more for each. Newsflash, he can’t. The guy said no so I guess he’ll have to shove his pretty little paintings up his ass, store them right beside his head.” The tallest man vented with every sentence deepening the smirk on his friend’s face.

“Maybe quitting is not the best thing to do right now…” Louis finally spoke, passing his beer to his husband who took a swig immediately to remedy his frustration.

“Why? We’ve been approved for the mortgage already. I’ll find somebody new in no time, I’ll ask at the office, people come to them when they’re looking for agents.” Harry sighed again as he trailed his eyes after Louis who went to fetch each of them a new beer.

“Well, it would be ideal if nothing changed, at least not for worse in our financial situation.” The shortest man kept dropping those cryptic messages that Harry could not, for the life of him decode.

“What are you on about? What’s happening?” Brunette asked, a bit unsettled with the secretive behaviour of his husband, Zayn only looked at them, still amused, pissing his best friend off with that grin of his.

Louis sat down in his spot and leaned his body towards his partner’s finding his hand tangled in cat’s fur as he laced their fingers together.

“The lady from the agency called, we’ve been approved.” Louis’ teeth got exposed in a wide smile as he watched his husband react to the news he dropped on him.

It was a while since they filled the adoption application, something around five months, it was maybe two months in when Harry started worrying that they just did not meet the requirements and were dropped without being even notified.

But now, ten emotions chased each other on his face. Five different shapes of confusion, genuine happiness and worry.

“Approved? W-what now?” He stuttered, his throat contracting when he swallowed in a sudden panic. 

“Well… There’s still a lot to go through. You’ve read all about it in those pamphlets. The waiting was the worst part though.” Louis reassured his husband, squeezing his hand tightly when their door flung open and Liam joined them, with a wide grin on his face which only indicated that Zayn already shared the news with his husband.

“Hello, daddies.” The officer beamed at his friends, two cases of beer in hands when he unbuckled his belt, putting the weapon on the kitchen counter since he was straight off work.

“Don’t say that, ever.” Zayn looked at his man with sheer disgust painted on his face. Liam only chuckled, put the beer he brought into the fridge and sat next to his partner, observing the tender moment, the weirdest expression on Harry’s face.

“So, what now? When are you getting that baby?” The policeman inquired, his eyes smiling alongside his lips.

“Well, there is still a lot to do.” Louis shrugged as he explained to his friend, seemed like he was explaining the process to his husband also, even though Harry was the one who paid more attention to the abundance of brochures the agency sent them. “There are these classes we have to take, something like birthing school but for adoption.” A smirk bent Lou’s face when he still gazed at his partner’s expression. “Social worker will do some visits to see if we’re not some bums, plus the medical check so, no weed and no libations in here.” He warned their guests who simply nodded. “Then there’s a background check if we’re not some criminals and the lady said we’ll need to give them three names of people who will vouch for us, you know. Say that we’re good lads or something.”

“This does not sound too bad, you don’t have a record, do you?” Another panicked gaze was thrown at Louis after Harry relaxed a bit.

“Of course, I don’t. I never got a speeding ticket!” The shortest man boasted in front of his companions.

“Because you barely drive.” Zayn scoffed, his eyes smiling at the thought of his friend’s adoption. “I want in on that list you have to give them. I’ll be honoured to tell them what a bunch of awful assholes you two are.” Malik nudged Harry with a fist and sure enough, he startled just a bit before he came back to the reality.

~*~

“We have to give them the list of names to check for the adoption process, are you still in?” Harry asked his best friend when they sat on the couch in their living room. It was four of them, yet again because that was what their group kind of consisted of at the moment.

It was pretty much inevitable that their circle was going to go through changes, things like that always happen. Some of them settled, Zayn and Liam eventually tied the knot too, slowed down their lifestyle. Some of them were still not ready to do so. Niall left Manchester, he claimed that it was temporary so he can see the world and come back, he still popped in sometimes to hang out with the friends who never stopped loving that man to pieces. Eden was doing her own thing in London, it wasn’t long after she finished school when she landed a makeup artist gig in BBC, all the news they got about her life was from her social media, the contact kind of simmered down as the time went, dying completely two years after the Tomlinson wedding.

“Of course, I am in, who else do you have on there?”

“Anne, of course, and my godmother. She’s not my actual relative and I need somebody to tell them that I’m amazing too, you know? She was my mum’s best friend, she saw how good I am with kids and we still see each other quite frequently so we might as well do that.” Louis shrugged. “Niall called.”

“Yeah, where is he these days?” Liam asked; crumbs of the cookie he’s been nibbling on scattered his uniform.

“No fucking idea, somewhere in Ireland I think but you know how he talks, it’s hard to understand him sometimes.” The group laughed collectively because yeah, Louis was right.

“I don’t think they should give you that baby after all.” Zayn scoffed as he watched Louis propping his head on his husband’s lap.

“What? Why?” Lou asked, hurt note manifesting in his voice.

“Because you can’t even put eye drops in your fucking eyes, how are you going to change a diaper?”

“I don’t think there will be any diapers involved, also… I’ve changed a ton of fucking them back in the day, so don’t you worry about that.” The shortest man remarked at his friend with an overly sweet smile on his lips.

The attention of the group was pulled by Harry’s phone, buzzing violently on the coffee table as four men relaxed in front of the TV.

“Hello? Yeah, it’s me.” Brunette sounded extremely professional, that’s why everybody kept quiet. It had to be work. “Yeah, of course. We’re at home right now so any time, absolutely.” Harry nodded as if the person on the other side could see him to so and then only hummed out a simple farewell before he threw his phone back on the table and got up from the couch.

“What’s up?” Liam asked, looking at the friend who circled the apartment, tidying it up as he went.

“The social worker is going to come by… like, soon.” The man announced, his body tensed up as he kept looking around the place.

“Oh, should we…?” The officer asked with uncertainty in his gaze.

“As long as he’s not stoned, you’re welcome to stay.” Louis answered. “Besides, you’re in your uniform so that might get us bonus points.” He chuckled and got up from the couch, leaving their friends to their devices as he helped Harry clean up the apartment that wasn’t even messy in the first place. That’s why they mostly just ended up looping around the place without purpose.

It was not long after the call that the social worked arrived. It was the first time they’ve seen that particular woman, but it wasn’t necessarily surprising since there was quite the rotation of people who were working on their case. Probably just to provide different opinions and stuff.

There were two similar visits before, mostly just consisting of talking though. Asking Tomlinsons questions, letting them ask theirs, just chatting in general. About their family background, work, relationship and stuff. It was kind of weird to open up like that to a stranger but they were ready to do so if that was required for them to adopt, of course, those people only wanted to ensure that they were able to take good care of a child.

“That’s where the child would be sleeping, right?” The woman asked pointing at the door to the studio/spare bedroom she already saw.

“Yes, initially. We’re in the process of purchasing a house right now. We’re not sure yet how long it will take because there have been some issues with the bank, but hopefully, it’s not long till we get to move.” Louis explained, his whole demeanour changed when the woman arrived. They were sitting in the living room, five of them and drinking tea when the worker asked essential questions after she concluded the swooping of their apartment, considerably enough not mentioning the bottle of lube which she found in their bathroom cabinet, sticking out like a sore thumb in between mundane bathroom supplies when she looked for things like unattended medicine and such.

“A house? Where exactly? Is it a mortgage or…?” The blonde asked questions to which answers should’ve been in their file. Apparently, the previous worker didn’t care enough to put them in there or the current one couldn’t be bothered with preparing for her visit.

“If everything works out it won’t be too far from here, just on the outskirts. If it doesn’t it still will be in this general area, we both have family near here, so we’re not looking for anything far away. It’s a mortgage, ten years since we’ve managed to save up some money for the downpayment.” Harry joined the conversation, as always getting involved when the topic shifted to more serious stuff, it was him who had head for numbers so Louis just stayed quiet, throwing daggers at Zayn who seemed weirdly amused with the situation.

“Any other loans you’ve taken before the mortgage? How’s your financial situation? Where do you work?” Another question they’ve answered around ten times at this point. Louis started getting irritated, thankfully it was not his place to talk, Harry was way more patient with all of that stuff.

“No other loans, this is our first one. Louis is the head of the sales department in a printing company, I’m managing two local painters and writing articles for an arts column in a newspaper. Sometimes there’s additional income from my works but that’s inconsistent so we never really included it in the survey.” Brunette smiled politely as he reminded the woman that she probably should’ve known all of those things he said. “Our financial situation is comfortable, we manage to keep our heads above the water and still by the end of the month have some funds spare to put on the savings account for a rainy day or just like now, the downpayment on our home.”

“It seems that you have quite a busy lifestyle, are you working a lot? How many hours on average you’re out of the house?”

“I work from home, mostly. Sometimes I have to meet a client or go see some exhibition to gather material for the article, but that’s quite rare. We wouldn’t be thinking about adopting if we had doubts about whether we had enough time to raise a child.”

“Why now? You’ve been married for what? Four years, right?” Both men nodded. “Why now? Why not earlier? Or later for that matter?”

“I was a chef in a restaurant before, I was working quite a lot so that was not an ideal situation, now that my work schedule is way more family-friendly we’ve decided to apply. And later… I’m thirty-one already, I’d like to raise a child actively before my knees go weak and stuff.” Harry managed to pull a chuckle from the woman opposite of him, her very serious mask broke just a bit. Louis pressed his body closer to his husband’s, finding comfort in the way their arms touched.

“What about the cat?” The woman asked, startling Harry with her question.

“What about him?” Louis asked not entirely sure what she meant.

“Is he good with children?” The question was ridiculous enough for Louis to have to push away a stupid comment that just asked to be said.

“Oh, yeah. He’s a sweetheart, I have young siblings and he never had any problems with any of them.”

“If it ever becomes a problem, my mother will be more than glad to give him a steady, loving home without children.” Brunette added quickly, just to be sure. “I hope it never comes to that though.”

“Of course, he’s pretty… chubby isn’t he?” The woman pretty much insulted the animal who laid on the couch, sprawled in all of his glory.

“To be fair, I can vouch that this guy was this chunky the day they brought him from the shelter, bigger even. He’s been slimming out on his diet.” Liam joined the conversation, his voice surprising Harry who didn’t expect their friends to speak without being addressed.

“You’re Zayn, right? The man on the list I’ve been given?” The blonde addressed the man who still sat relaxed as if there was no intruder around.

“Yeah, that’s me.” The man nodded, a tiny smile tugging on his lips as he tried to seem inviting, to the best of his abilities at least.

“What’s your profession, Zayn? How long have you known these guys?” The woman nodded at the men in question.

“I’m working in a consulate, handling cases regarding citizenship and things like that.” Woman’s brow furrowed just a bit as she received the information, noting it on the piece of paper that she’d probably throw away right away so other workers could ask Tomlinsons the same questions all over again. “I’ve met Harry at Uni, must’ve been like nine years ago… something like that. I’ve known Louis for a little less than that, seven years, maybe a bit more.”

And so it went, questions upon questions. At least these were new, since the woman shifted to interrogating Zayn who really, painted her a great picture of his friends. Perhaps a bit idealized but they were sure that it’d match with everything two other people on the list would say.

It was almost six in the evening when the worker left, leaving Louis pissed off and hungry, which probably only amplified his irritation. Only when the woman left, Harry jumped on the task of preparing them something to eat.

“God, that’s exhausting.” Liam concluded the meeting in one sentence when he finally could pop open a beer.

“Kinda unfair that it takes one broken condom for some people but you have to go through all this shit.” Zayn provided comic relief to the group who was now spooning risotto Harry made into their bowls, each of them equally hungry despite Louis’ efforts to prove that he was the hungriest.

~*~

“Look at us, adulting.” Louis embraced his husband from behind when they stood on the balcony of their new house, eyeing the garden, the grass was green and lively, the patch of exposed soil by the fence was ready to nourish every vegetable Harry could think of planting on it.

“Homeowners, who would’ve thought?” The taller man grinned at his surroundings.

“Yeah, yeah, lovebirds. Which one is the master?” Niall disturbed their tender moment as he carried a big box of things into the room.

“This one, are you blind?” Louis scoffed and removed his limbs from around his partner, joining his friend when they went back for more stuff, Harry followed their lead.

“Why won’t you ever learn? This is the last fucking time I’m putting up furniture in the middle of summer, I swear to god.” Zayn complained about the scorching heat which affected everybody, not only him, even though he was not grasping on that idea.

Yeah, it was hot. Everybody was sweating, working on their separate projects, even Louis lending helping hand in between his runs for beers and such. Their move was delayed quite a while, first, there was a problem with their mortgage, then it came to doing renovations that could not be done with them living in there and instead of the winter date, they ended up moving in the middle of summer.

It was okay though, at least for Harry and Louis it was. There was something so exhilarating in moving to a place they could finally call their own. Yeah, they still had to pay off their loan for ten years but that’s still better than having to ask some grumpy old guy if they could hang up a picture on the wall and stuff. Not to mention that those payments went for something that after those ten years would be theirs, something they’d be able to pass to their children when the time for them comes.

Even Niall came down to help with the process, he’d mentioned something about coming back to the city, quite tired with that nomad lifestyle he led for two years already. Getting older finally caught up with that one, making him want to find a steady job, rent a flat and just settle down, grow roots in Manchester because despite travelling so much, seeing all of those beautiful places, he never really felt like home anywhere else than in his hometown and Manchester. Perhaps it was people who made this place so special, he still decided that it’s enough to come back though.

The adoption still did not go through entirely. They’ve completed all the classes they had to take, they did the medical checkup, the background check, family one… all those checks and still nothing. It was over two months since the last contact they had with anybody from the agency and to be completely honest, they were quite exhausted with the whole process.

Louis even joked about convincing some knocked-up teenager to give them her baby, hell, paying her even because that would be way easier than the shit they’ve been through with the agency. The hassle would’ve been worth it if they left with a baby, yet they didn’t. No child, no info, just frustration and stress.

It was Harry who was affected the most about the situation. Louis was mainly pissed about it. But The older one kept overthinking, as he always did. Did he say something wrong? Is his job not good enough? Are they not going to get a child because they had booze in the fridge that one time the social worker came? He tried not to think about it too much, now very much distracted with the whole chaos of moving to their new house but still, when he laid down for the night, the thoughts popped into his brain, rushing through his head as he lost sleep over some lousy work of the people who handled their case. Louis was mad at them, wishing they would at least get something to ease their minds. Yes or no, it was not a hard question.

~*~

“Never thought I’d be irritated seeing you at your knees again.” Louis joked seeing his husband fiddling with his veggie garden, his face streaked with soil that stuck to his sweaty skin when he looked up at Lou, who despite the efforts to sound annoyed, was beaming at him, his eyes squinting from the sun that shone directly into them.

“Oh, I know. I’m almost done. Look at them!” A wide grin appeared on brunette’s face when he pointed to a bunch of ripe heirloom tomatoes he grew from the seeds he got from his mother. He looked proud, even though the fruits were weird-looking, to say the least. But they were Harry’s and Harry was proud of them so Louis only smiled at him lovingly.

“I’m going to pick up mom, okay? Wrap up with this nonsense, take a shower and perhaps cook something nice for dinner?” The smaller man suggested his husband’s evening plans as if Harry hadn’t already planned the dinner for them, especially now that his mother was going to spend some time with them.

“Will ramen do?” Brunette teased, the comment not even worth Louis’ attention, so he just turned on his heel and left to get Anne from Holmes Chapel.

“Oh, this is so nice.” The woman commented when they finally arrived after the exhausting trip consisting of more traffic than actual driving.

Anne already saw the house a few times but every time she came back, there was something new to look at. The latest project was the guest room, now fully ready to accommodate Harry’s mother.

“Oh, it’s still empty.” Louis informed when the woman’s petite hand wrapped around the handle of the room they had reserved for a child they tried to adopt. New concepts for the space had emerged in both of their heads as the time went by and the phone did not ring.

“Still nothing?” Anne asked, her face fell just a bit even though she tried to keep her composure.

“Nothing.” Louis pressed his lips together so he wouldn’t look so sad. “Harry’s worrying so much lately, he always been but now I catch him not sleeping at night and I can only assume that he’s overthinking everything we’ve ever done in the process. Every conversation with social workers, every visit. You know the best that it’s exactly what he does.” The man confided in his mother-in-law as they stood separate, looking at the empty room, Harry left in the kitchen, finishing cooking the dinner.

“Of course, he worries, being a father is all he ever wanted.” The woman sighed. “Perhaps no news is good though... if they rejected you, they probably would’ve called you already.” Louis reciprocated the encouraging smile he got from the woman who reminded him of his own mother so much, he loved Anne ever since he met her but now, they were closer than ever. He’d go as far as calling her his friend, the whole mother-in-law stereotype was not present in that particular family.

“We should’ve just went with a surrogate, we’d have a child by now.” Louis exhaled sharply, even thinking about the whole process frustrated the hell out of him.

“Yeah, you’d be in so much more debt though. Either way, Harry always wanted to adopt, didn’t he?”

“Of course, he did want to adopt, it’s Harry. He always wants to help those less fortunate. That’s why we always leave the shelter with the ugliest cat they have, even his tomatoes are so damn ugly.” The man shook his head when he thought about his husband’s crops. “It’s just hard, all the waiting.” He sighed. 

“I know, darling. I know… but call my tomatoes ugly once again and I will smack you.” The woman threatened with a smile on her face, lifting Lou’s spirits before they got down to the kitchen to join Harry.

~*~

“Niall, I’m doing laundry. You have anything?” Harry asked when he was circling the house, collecting his husband’s clothes scattered around their bedroom. His call with a client had been rescheduled for later that week, that’s why he found some spare time to tackle the laundry debacle before it got out of control, which quite frequently happened, with slobs like Louis and Niall completely brushing over the existence of the laundry hamper, hoarding their dirty clothes near their beds instead.

It was maybe a month since Tomlinsons finally moved to their own house that Niall came back to Manchester. It was just around the time when students were hunting for apartments, the prices were ridiculously high at the time, that’s why Louis offered him their spare bedroom until the market comes back to normal again. And so, they were living there, peacefully for the most part.

For Niall, it was a dream set up. He was included in all the meals Harry cooked, their laundry was done together, still mostly by Harry and he paid them only as much as he did for his previous apartment. Louis told him numerous times that he did not have to even give them any money but Horan was stubborn, the additional cash went to the savings account.

“Of course, I do.” The man yelled from his room. “Leave it, I’ll get my stuff and do it. You need any help in the kitchen?”

“No, I’m almost done. Thanks though.” Brunette did as he was told, he gathered Louis’ clothes and brought them to their tiny laundry room in the basement where he shoved it into the machine for Niall to set up later.

It was around an hour before Louis should be back from work, Harry was finished with preparing stuff for dinner, everything was ready to be cooked right before his husband’s return, as it always was. He was swinging in the hammock in their garden, shielded from the sun by a big walnut tree that had to be growing in there for decades now, big enough to provide shade to the majority of their backyard. He was pretty much done with work for the day, he was only reading through the article he wrote about an exhibition he saw a week prior, one of a person he remembered studying with. Of course, the thing would be corrected by a professional but the man still liked for his work to be done properly, so he wouldn’t embarrass himself in front of his co-workers.

It was hot, the strings of the hammock were indenting the bare skin on his back and arms, tanned during those extensive, evening hours he spent in the garden, taking care of his plants and making sure the grass is nice and plump. Louis sometimes even irritated with how much time he took tending to his little veggie garden.

His reading session was disturbed by his phone, buzzing in the pocket of his shorts. Without much thought, certain that it was Lou, calling to check in if there’s something he should get from the grocery store, as he usually did, Harry answered immediately, still not taking his eyes off the sheet of paper he was studying.

The sun started setting before Louis came back from work, he set full bags of groceries he brought on the kitchen island and brushed the downstairs with his gaze, Harry nowhere to be found. The uncooked dinner on the stove was bizarre enough on its own. He called for his husband but got no response, a slight panic seeped into his brain that quite quickly vanished when the man realized that all of Harry’s shoes were still by the door, his car was also in the driveway. So, he just hopped upstairs and checked every room for his partner, still nothing.

“You’ve seen Harry?” The man asked his best friend who was playing his guitar, relaxing after a stressful day in the office.

“He was in the garden like two hours ago, why?” Horan asked, confusion painted on his face.

“Nothing, just can’t seem to find him. I’ll check in the garden, thanks.” Louis closed the door after he left the room and sprinted down the stairs, his bare feet sticking just a bit to the wooden floor.

Sure enough, Harry was laying in the hammock, swinging with some documents in his hands.

“You’re asleep?” Louis’ voice startled his partner who flinched just a bit before he opened his eyes.

“No, no. I’m not. I just, sorry it’s late. I’ll get started on dinner. Sorry, got distracted.” Brunette kept apologizing, a bizarre expression on his face when he hopped off the hammock, his feet bare on the soft grass.

“It’s okay, nothing happened. Why are you acting so weird?” The shorter one crossed his man’s path and climbed on his toes so he could kiss him like he always did. The lack of initiative from brunette’s side was another weird occurrence.

“I am a bit weird, aren’t I?” The artist chuckled. “I got a call from the agency.” He admitted after he took a deep breath, his expression still puzzled.

“Oh, when? What did they say?” Louis’ voice went higher in pitch, he tried not to get excited over nothing but it was easier said than done.

“Just now, an hour ago maybe. They found children for us.” Louis felt his heart picking up a faster pace, his eyes started getting wetter as he looked at his husband even though they’ve been very dry just a second ago.

“Children… we get to choose? They said we wouldn’t. Why are you not happy?” A frustration manifested in the smaller one’s voice as he looked at his partner’s expression. He looked far from excited, Louis was so happy and just couldn’t get why Harry wasn’t as well. He was the one who wanted to go with adoption this whole time.

“Children as in two, siblings.” A breath hitched in Louis’ throat, Harry’s hand wrapping around his bicep as he led the shorter man to the hammock, sitting him on the knitted construction without a voice of protest.

“Two? What if we don’t…”

“They’ll separate them since nobody seems to want them in bulk. Or they will start over and look for a new match for us.”

“No, not separating…” Louis’ voice came off as panicked because that’s exactly how he felt. All he could think about was how he would feel if he was separated from his siblings. “How old are they? What kind?” Harry scoffed in amusement when he heard his partner talk about kids in such a weird manner.

“A girl and a boy. The boy is older, he’s two. The girl is three months old.” Brunette embraced his partner when he saw the tears glistening in his blue eyes. It was weird but at the same time who was he to judge, he had more time to get accustomed with the thought, sitting a whole hour on the hammock and contemplating. “Oh god, don’t cry, baby.” His fingers grazed the golden skin of Louis’ arm when he tried to comfort his husband in a tender moment he never saw coming.

“They’re so tiny, we can’t let them…” The man swallowed, his throat contracting visibly as he did. “We… we could do two. Couldn’t we?” Louis asked, nuzzled into his partner’s chest.

“We’ll talk about it. Later, okay? I’ll get dinner ready.” Harry kissed his husband’s forehead and left him on the hammock while he headed to the kitchen, it did not take long before Louis followed him, hopping his butt on the counter when he watched his partner cook, unpacking the groceries in the process.

~*~

“Is now later?” Louis asked when the commercials interrupted the movie they’ve been watching on the telly, squeezed together on one of the sections of their L-shaped couch. It has been three days since they’ve learned about the adoption opportunity, both of them were deep in thought during those days. Louis was impatient to make the call since his decision was made the moment he learned about those poor babies. With every passing hour when Harry did not mention the situation, his husband was more and more nervous, thinking that brunette was not sure if they should go through with that.

“I guess, it’s not like we can just not talk about it, right?” The taller man dipped his head down and nibbled on the tip of his partner’s nose with his front teeth to get rid of the frown on Louis’ freckled face.

“I don’t get it, you seem so… reluctant to the idea. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? A family? With me? Now that we can finally have it you don’t seem like you want it anymore and…” Lou’s brows furrowed again when he played nervously with his fingers, a gesture Harry was not very happy to see back since it only meant that his partner was stressing.

“No, no… of course I want that I just… it’s twice as much as I was ready to put on my shoulders and to be completely honest, I’m scared.” Brunette explained his point of view, he caught his husband’s hands in his own, stopping the man from fiddling with his fingers. “They’re also younger than I’ve expected them to be, I don’t know… I don’t want to be a bad father.” The man sighed deeply after he voiced his concerns.

“Harry, baby… there’s no way you could ever be a bad father. Whether we have one child, two or twenty.” The younger one freed his hand and rested it on his partner’s stubbly cheek, grazing his thumb over the tanned skin. “I can’t make that decision for both of us, I know that but I also know that we could do this, I would be home with you during that weird leave thing Becca was talking about until we’d get a hang on the situation I just…” Louis swallowed the imaginary object blocking his throat. “We can’t let them be separated… they’re so small, Harry.” The familiar panicked note found its way into Lou’s voice when he thought about being separated from his siblings. He knew that he shouldn’t have but from the moment he heard the story, he got so emotionally involved with those babies.

“Who’s gonna call Becca?” Brunette grinned at his husband, the tears gathered around his blue eyes evaporated as soon as he grasped the meaning of the words he just heard, new, happy ones coming right back when he cupped his husband’s face and placed a kiss on his plump lips, tears streaming down his cheeks when the idea of becoming a parent started to get more real after long months of the struggle.

~*~

“Honestly, Harry. Never thought you’d be such a green thumb.” Anne commented as she observed a bunch of cherry tomatoes Harry put out in a bowl for guests to snack on.

“It’s just a good soil or something, they really don’t take that much work.” The man shrugged; his hair pushed away with a hairband when he tried to light a fire under the charcoal grill. “Do you know if Gem will come over by any chance? She never answered my text.”

“Of course, she didn’t, you know her. As far as I know, she should be here today, why?”

“No reason, just miss her.” Harry lied and closed the lid of the grill when he finally succeeded.

It started getting late, the sky was slowly turning navy in colour when Louis got back to the garden, with a homemade ice lolly, one of the bunch he distributed to his young siblings. He sat on the plastic chair by the table and rested his head on his partner’s shoulder. There was still plenty of food to eat, yet nobody seemed interested in any of it. They were just drinking beers and complaining about being too full because Harry, in his usual fashion prepared too much, the fact that his mother helped him with food department meant only that the amount was even bigger, the tendency of overexaggerating people’s appetites seemed to be genetic.

It was a bit more than a week after the phone call they got from the adoption agency when they’ve thrown this little barbecue party for their closest friends. Everybody was there. Zayn, Liam, Niall obviously, Harry’s mom and sister and a whole bunch of Tomlinsons, the smallest of which scattered around the backyard, taking turns on the hammock, not willing to spend time with boring adults.

The whole barbecue was only an excuse to gather everybody to finally, after a struggle of keeping their mouths shut share the news with the people they loved. Keeping the secret proved to be extremely challenging, even more than any of them expected. To be fair, the whole adoption process was so slow, they were tired of waiting, they also knew that people close to them were worried about the whole debacle as well, so they wanted to break the news immediately, call everyone as soon as they made the decision, yet they decided not to, the news deserved to be shared in person.

After the initial agreement that they probably could adopt two children instead of one, there was quite a lot of talking, calculating funds and time they had, the conclusion was that they could pull it off, especially that Louis was about to take the half a year leave provided for adoptive parents.

Yeah, they were aware that taking care of two, especially babies that small, would be harder at first but they both knew that it wouldn’t end on one either way so they might as well adopt the ones they’ve been matched with. Louis very emotionally involved in the case from the start, deep down Harry knew that it would end up in them adopting the siblings from the moment he saw those tears in his husband’s eyes.

There was still a lot of things to go through, a lot of paperwork, court visits and they’ve still haven’t even seen the children they’d hopefully adopt but that was not important at the moment, they were happy, they were hopeful and if everything went just as their social worker said, they’d be parents soon.

“We’ve been matched.” Harry deadpanned when the commotion around the table silenced for a bit. All the faces travelled to the husbands who were enjoying the confusion mixed with happiness on the faces that were looking at them.

“You’re getting a baby?” Niall asked, mouth agape when someone, most likely Zayn was choking on his beer.

“Two babies, actually.” Louis explained with a smile tugging on his lips. “Well, if everything goes as expected.”

There was even more confusion, an abundance of happiness and tears, there were some of those too when the whole family celebrated the lovely news that was dropped on them unexpectedly.

~*~

“How about we just take off and steal them?” The shorter man grinned at the bubbly toddler babbling at him from the stroller Lou was pushing, the smaller baby sound asleep in her part of a double pram. “I don’t think I will survive if they don’t give them to us.” He sighed deeply and lifted his head just for a moment just to see that his man was equally as charmed by the boy who was chewing on a toy they bought before their first visit.

“They wouldn’t let us see them if they didn’t want to give them to us.” Harry put his hand on the small of his partner’s back smiling at the little boy, completely gone with those joyful brown eyes of his. “You have nothing to worry about, we’re killing it. Aren’t we, Eric?” Brunette’s deep voice became softer when he leaned ruffled the blonde bowl cut the boy was rocking. “We should probably head back, let’s not test our luck with being late.” The taller one announced after he glanced at his wristwatch, their two hours coming to an end faster than they’ve anticipated.

The adoption process was still kind of lazy but now after they’ve called Becca, the social worker who handled their case the whole thing sped up significantly in comparison to how things were up to that point. It was maybe three weeks after the call when they met the babies for the first time in their foster parents’ house and from the moment, they laid their eyes on the two, every doubt that still lingered in their heads vanished in the thin air.

Slowly but surely, men started visiting, bonding with the babies as well as they could with children that small. There was still a lot of steps to be taken before they could finally call those babies their own, but the vision of parenthood that became more real with every visit, every picture they received from the foster family made all the hassle worth it.

“Oh, don’t worry, darling. She’s been fussy with everybody lately, she’s teething.” Trisha, the foster mother reassured Harry who was cradling the six-month-old in his arms, a worried look on his face when the baby started whining. “You can try massaging her gums if you want to.” The woman encouraged and sure enough, the weird instinct that awakened in both Louis and him took the wheel, Harry’s index finger slipping into the girl’s mouth as he rubbed on the inflamed gums, bringing the baby relief when Louis was preoccupied feeding the boy in the kitchen.

“I forgot the list I’ve made but oh my, Trish we have so many questions.” Brunette shook his head with a smile on his face when he felt the baby in his arms biting his finger.

“Don’t worry about that, you have my phone number I’m here if you have any questions.” The woman smiled from behind her coffee cup, glancing on the two more children she was fostering as they played with building blocks.

“Are they on any kind of medication? You know… something we should know about when we take them outside.”

“No, no medication at all, I can show you their red books if you’re interested.” The redhead proposed, shifting in her seat, looking around the space.

“Oh, there’s no need, thank you.” The man searched his head for questions Louis and him written on the piece of paper that they left stuck to the fridge with a magnet. “Any allergies?”

“Eric does get hay fever in the spring, nothing extreme, eyes watering, runny nose and this kind of stuff. Phoebe’s still very little, food allergies might surface when the time comes for the lead weaning, right now she’s strictly on formula.” Harry only nodded, understanding every word the woman said even though just a few months before he would’ve had no idea what lead-weaning even meant, apparently he was doing quite well in his research. He looked down at the girl he held in his arms when the baby stopped nibbling on his finger, her eyelids fluttering just a bit when she fell asleep. Harry pulled his finger out, wiping the slobber on his t-shirt.

“Have you fostered a lot of kids? You don’t have to answer if I’m being rude or…”

“We usually have four at the time, we’ve had…” The woman counted on her fingers. “Your two are eleventh and twelfth. We’ve been doing it for quite a while.” She chuckled, giving a loving look to two boys playing in the living room.

“Twelve, wow Trish. Wow.” The man shook his head in disbelief. “Thank you, by the way, Becca said you’ve put a good word for us. We appreciate it greatly, this has been such a struggle so far, worth it obviously but we just can’t wait.” He sighed deeply, the baby in his arms shifting just a bit.

“They’ve just asked me what I thought about you two, I told the truth. Nothing to be thanking for.” Trish smiled at Harry, the expression reciprocated. “The process is complicated, obviously but you’ll see how gratifying the feeling when you finally get to take them home will be. It’s the last straw at this point, it will all be good.”

~*~

“Don’t worry guys, we’re doing so well… no need to help us or anything.” Liam announced when he and Harry plopped down on the couch next to their husbands and Niall, pastel paint speckling their glistening skin in the dim light.

“Good, we were not going to either way.” Zayn scoffed and opened beers for the two that joined them during a break they’ve got from renovating the upstairs bedrooms.

“I can help with putting the furniture up, not touching a roller though.” The Irish friend proposed, his legs thrown over the backrest of the sofa as he sat upside down for some undisclosed reason.

“We’re done for today, I’m going to do the furniture myself tomorrow. Thanks.” Brunette explained, his head resting on Louis’ lap, fingers rustling his dark locks that were overdue for a trim.

“I’ll come by and help you after work.” The officer informed, his arm wrapped around his husband’s waist.

“I’ll come by and help you with even more beers.” Zayn nudged Louis with his foot while taking the last sip of the beer he was holding, opening next in a matter of seconds.

“Thank you, don’t know what I would do without you.” The smallest man scoffed at his friend. “Better pick up some because God knows I’m not leaving this place tomorrow.”

“FINE. But I’ll pick up Niall on my way too. Gonna take advantage of you daddies before you get buried in diapers and never speak to us again.”

“Yeah, like you would let that happen.” Harry winked at his friend when they just simply hung out in the living room.

November had snook up on the Tomlinsons, the time extremely busy with work-related events and A LOT of adoption-related stuff. Social worker visits, meetings with children and foster parents, paperwork galore but the whole hassle was proved to be worth it the day they’ve learned they will be able to take the babies home in the second week of December.

Then it was even busier, hectic baby room renovations, babyproofing the place since Eric was very much curious and lively the few times they brought the babies to their home. On top of that, both Louis and Harry were catching up on work before they could take the leave provided to get used to the new, parental lifestyle. Zayn and Liam yet again proved to be literal angels helping dads-to-be with everything they could help with.

It was the end of November, the days were shorter, the weather was merciless when the Tomlinsons prepared to welcome two bundles of joy into their home, their family. All that was left to do was shopping since up until then, men only bought some odd bits and pieces that were mostly just impulse buys fueled by the excitement. Apart from that, it was only finishing the nurseries and the guest room which they had to sacrifice and move to one empty room they had in the basement. They were pretty much set to go and very much pumped about the end of their long journey. Well, not the end but it was fair to say that they were on the last straw of the adoption process.

“Come to bed, you’ve been up since the sunrise.” Louis murmured when he wrapped his arms around the taller man’s waist, pressing his cheek to warm skin of Harry’s shoulder. He grazed the skin of brunette’s stomach with his thumb as they looked around one of the nurseries they were getting ready to finally be inhabited by one of their future children. “We’ll finish this off tomorrow, we still have time.” The man reassured his partner and freed him from his embrace, pulling the taller one towards their bedroom after he turned off the lights of the yellow bedroom.

“Gonna shower first, I’m all disgusting.” Harry sighed and dragged his feet to their bathroom, his husband following since he refused to let go of brunette’s hand. “You’ve showered already.” The man smiled against his partner’s lips when he pressed a delicate kiss to them. “Go to bed, I’ll be back in a minute.” He kissed his husband’s nose and smacked his butt to send him off to the bed since he knew that Louis how draining his long days at work were, not to mention the chaos around him when he got back home. “Love you, so much.” The taller one smoothed the frown on his man’s face with the words and sure enough, Louis obeyed and left the bedroom, his mind set on waiting till his partner is finished so they could spend some time together.

With the whole mayhem they were surrounded by, they still were determined to show each other affection and it worked for the most part. They’ve been having consistent date nights, their sex life was still very much satisfactory so they were doing well in that department. They were both quite nervous how their relationship is going to transform when the babies arrive, that’s why they both kind of made extra effort to be there for each other despite not really talking about their concerns too much.

Harry smiled to himself when he came back to the bedroom, a towel chucked into the hamper when he found his husband sound asleep on their still made bed. Yeah, perhaps he should’ve been disappointed that their time together was interrupted by Lou’s sleepiness but seeing him finally getting some sleep was superior to anything they could’ve been doing instead.

The man silently approached his partner and slipped an iPad from his hand, another smile bent his lips when he realized that Louis was yet again watching one of those mummy YouTubers talking about essential products for babies, a notepad opened in another tab with a list the man was creating for a while now.

“Baby…” Brunette murmured into his husband’s ear, lifting him just enough to get rid of Lou’s t-shirt. It took more effort to take off the bottom of the younger man’s outfit but the task was completed after all. “Go on, under the covers.” The man instructed Louis who woke up in the process of getting undressed, obeying Harry immediately, curling himself in a way that allowed his partner to spoon him and obviously, that’s what the taller man did, pressing his belly to Louis’ back as their exhausted brains shut down for the night.

~*~

“Hell no, I’m not having any children.” Zayn scoffed at the sight of a receipt he got from one of the bags him and Louis were unpacking in the living room. “I could get so much weed for that not fucking diapers.” The man shook his head in disbelief when he dumped the contents of a bag on his lap, cutting the tags away and throwing baby clothes on a pile to be washed later.

“Always thought you’re the fun uncle type, what does Liam think about it though? Does he not want kids either?” Louis lifted his head from the manual of the baby monitor they’ve bought on their shopping spree.

“See, we’ve talked about this but he’s not sure yet. We’ll just keep our eyes on your struggles and decide whether it’s worth it or nah.”

“What if he says he wants a child?” The shorter man inquired, postponing reading the instructions so he could focus on the conversation, his hands occupied with stubborn packaging of bottles that would not budge when the man tried to destroy it without scissors.

“Then we’ll get one, I’m not some kind of baby hater, you know?” Malik scoffed.

“I can’t wait to see you fall in love with Eric and Phoebe, you’ll be done for just like we were the first time we saw them.” Tomlinson smiled at the thought of the babies, missing the hell out of both even though he saw them just a day prior.

“I’ve seen quite a bunch of kids in my life and I’m still not willing to go through the hassle of getting one so I’m sure those miracle babies of yours have nothing on me.” The taller man smirked looking at one of the rompers Harry picked up. “Daddy’s boy.” He laughed at loud. “This is the most disturbing shit I’ve ever seen, that word has been ruined by a kink.” The friend commented throwing the piece of clothing on the pile.

“That’s exactly what I’ve told Harry but he wouldn’t leave without it.” Louis’ eyes rolled to the ceiling, staying there just a bit when he listened to the heavy footsteps above their heads. Liam and Harry were working in there, tweaking the last things before the nurseries were ready to be filled with a bunch of stuff Tomlinsons bought for the children.

“How is this even going to work?” Zayn asked, receiving a confused look from his friend who did not get what he was asking about. “You know, the whole two daddies thing, how do you not confused who they’re calling for?”

“We’ve discussed it and set on Harry being papa while I remain… well, daddy.” Lou admitted, still not entirely sure where he stands with the new title of his.

“Bet Harry loves that nickname on you.” The friend winked at Louis, a smug smirk on his lips when he dumped another bag full of fabric in the place of one he cleared previously.

“Oh, shut up. I’ve forbidden him from using that word when the babies are not present.”

“Sure you did.” Zayn threw an onesie at his friend who in return chucked a pack of pacifiers at Malik, who now was laughing as he threw more and more stuff at his friend, making an entire mess out of the couch and its surroundings.

~*~

“He’s asleep.” Harry grinned at his husband when he finally came back from the little tour around the upstairs bedrooms, checking in on children that have been settling in their house for around a week now. It’s been hard. Especially for the older one, Eric. He’s been quite fussy which was not anything extremely unusual considering that he was still getting accommodated in the new house. Despite of all the time they’ve spent getting to know the children, it was still a big change for both of them. The first three nights were a nightmare, the boy would barely sleep because he just missed his foster parents, that’s why Harry could not be happier when he finally managed to set the toddler down. One of their cats, the orange one, Titus kept the boy company, guarding him as he slept.

“Did he cry?” Louis asked after the struggle he endured the last night, when it was his turn to complete the boy’s bedtime routine, the smaller one was way more peaceful, sleeping pretty much the entire time either way.

“He did not, not today.” Brunette smirked proudly as he took his clothes off, pulling his pyjama bottoms on before he hopped on the bed next to Louis, exhausted with that whole new life of a dad.

They were trying not to get excited before the children are fully accommodated and their adoption legalized but it was hard not to get carried away and call the children their own when they’ve been waiting for them so long.

“What a good daddy you are.” Louis leaned and pressed a gentle kiss onto his partner’s lips.

“We’ve agreed on papa, don’t change the rules now because you discovered a new kink.” Harry chuckled against his husband’s lips. “The social worker is coming over tomorrow, you remember?”

“Yeah, of course. You’ve reminded me like ten times today.” The man smiled lovingly. “This dad life sure is exhausting. I can’t feel my legs but at the same time feel them too much. Weird thing, weird.” Lou complained.

“You’ve been chasing after that lad the whole fucking day, I’m not surprised he went down that easily, not that I am complaining.” The taller one scooted to the foot of the bed and grabbed his husband’s bare foot, kneading the tired muscles as he looked in those bright blue eyes. “I love you, I’m so happy. You have no idea.” He leaned, his dark hair pooling on his husband’s skin when he kissed his ankle.

“I love you too, love this. All of this.” Louis smiled lovingly at his partner. “The worker said something about the court paperwork, I know there’s still some time till we have to do that but she mentioned something about picking names for them… you think we should change them?” The shorter one asked; uncertainty painted on his face since he just thought that it would only make things more confusing for the children.

“I like Eric, it’s nice.” Harry commented; a simple nod indicated that the other parent agreed with his statement. “We kind of have to change Phoebe’s, don’t we?” Brunette chuckled just a bit, still amused by the coincidence that caused the baby girl to share a name with one of her aunts.

“Any ideas? I’m blank.” Louis spread his arms in the gesture of surrender.

“I actually think I do have one or two.”

“Would you care to share?”

“Ruby.” Brunette proposed the name he had ready for god knows how long, years already.

“Ruby? Why Ruby?” Louis asked, sceptical about the idea his husband seemed to be pretty excited about.

“Remember that one time… not that much after we got back together. You were still with Nellie and… I’ve promised that I’ll find you a jewel to match your beauty and I thought…”

“Oh my god, you’re such a sap.” A wide grin bent Lou’s face as he looked at the love of his life, Brunette’s cheeks flushed just a bit when he admitted to the reasoning behind the name he chose for their daughter. “I’m surprised you even remember… Ruby, we can go with Ruby, I like it.”

“I love you.” Harry repeated, he’s been saying that quite a lot lately, especially after the vision of them becoming parents started getting more and more real. He was so happy, they both were. He had this beautiful house which maybe wasn’t very big but it was more than enough, some things still yet to be finished but they were working on it. He had his beautiful husband whom he loved even more than he did on their wedding day, falling for him more and more each and every day. Now, he also had those children that were more than likely to become theirs. Every dream he ever had realised, their future together painted brighter than Harry would ever expect it to be.

They were both exhausted and that wouldn’t probably end very soon but what they also were, was happy. They were together and it was no longer them two, it was four and their two weird cats.


	29. The Epilogue (part I)

“Harry! Harry, please!” Louis yelled out for the third time since his previous calls were ignored by his husband. He stood there, in the shower; water streaming down his back as he looked at a black spot on one of the tiles.

“Daddy?” A small, blonde head peeked through the gap when the door opened. Little Eric looking at his father with fear in his eyes after hearing distressed calls.

“Oh, baby. Could you please get papa for me?” The man asked, still not taking his eyes off the spot he was carefully watching. “Tell him it’s important.” He added and he was left alone immediately, fervorous stumping of small feet giving the father a clear indication that the boy took his task very seriously.

Seconds dragged mercilessly as Lou waited for any kind of reaction, whether it was going to be Harry or their son with information that brunette just couldn’t be bothered with coming to help him. He wasn’t necessarily surprised that he was ignored. After all, Harry and he had a bit of a quarrel and still weren’t speaking to each other. Just maundering around their house, doing their thing without even acknowledging each other’s presence.

Well, until that moment. The crisis Louis faced was way too serious and he was not going to face it on his own because of his pettiness.

“Could you not scream? I’ve laid Ruby down for the night.” A raspy voice broke through the thud of running water, causing the shorter man to exhale with relief when he was not alone with a monster before his eyes.

“Oh, sorry.” Lou apologized, his voice quite a bit lower than previously. He cut the water and wrapped himself sloppily with a towel before he opened the shower door and looked at his husband who carried their four-year-old, the boy looking at Louis, somewhat soothed by the lack of urgency in his father’s demeanour.

“What do you want?” Harry’s voice still just as frosty as the last time Louis heard it when his husband asked the question. His expression impenetrable as he looked at Lou’s abashed face.

“Um… there’s a spider in here and it’s been staring at me for five minutes and I wondered if you’d…” The shorter husband hung his head in embarrassment, thinking how useless he was without Harry. Seriously, he was a grown-ass man yet he wasn’t capable of getting rid of a bug without help. He shouldn’t be as dependent on his man, yet, he was. That fact wasn’t that surprising since Harry was all he ever knew. He had him at his side for years now and Louis never really had to worry about similar emergencies. Well… until that moment when the crisis struck in the midst of their conflict; the silent treatment way too severe of a punishment for the crime committed by the younger man.

“Oh God, are you serious?” Harry only sighed when he cut his man off and proceeded to approach the shower, their son looking from face to face with uncertainty as he came along with brunette.

“Daddy is scared of spider?” Eric asked as he looked at the taller man with fingers clasped around the collar of his father’s shirt, brows furrowed in confusion since both fathers always claimed that they were not afraid of things like that, more Harry’s parenting decision than Louis’.

“Daddy is not scared of a spider, no.” A lie slipped out of Haz’s mouth with surprising ease. He got way too good in the white lies department when they become fathers.

“Daddy’s allergic.” Louis supported his man when he watched him reach his hand to the spot where the spider had settled, the thing not moving a muscle, playing dead in hope he wouldn’t be messed with.

“Yeah, allergic.” The shorter one could’ve sworn that he saw a seed of a smirk on his partner’s face, the little curve of those plump lips flattened immediately when their eyes met. “See? Nothing to be scared of.” Harry looked away and addressed Eric who was now looking at the decently sized arachnid which envigored by the threat of losing a life, now was circling brunette’s palm in search of an escape route.

Louis couldn’t help but flinch at the sight of his man transferring the abomination on their son’s little hands, the boy still observing the spider that was now swerving between his little fingers. The whole scenery making the man weirdly nauseous. Yeah, he knew that Harry was probably right with the whole raising their children not to be scared of bugs idea but the thing was, that Louis was not raised like that, he hated those things and seeing his children handling the subjects of his fears with such ease, almost made him gag. On the other hand, he’d much rather go through the hassle if it meant Eric and Ruby wouldn’t grow up scared of spiders which Louis would have to get rid of if Harry was not around, not to mention that Harry’s way could possibly triple the number of spider-handlers which wasn’t a bad thing either.

“Let’s get our little buddy outside and then it’s bedtime.” Brunette announced and retrieved the spider from his son’s hands. Louis could finally take a breath since he trusted more in his husband’s ability to keep the… thing confined.

“Thanks for help. Love you so much, goodnight baby.” The shorter man leaned forward and pressed his lips to his son’s forehead, shortly after he was left alone to finish his shower when the two took the spider outside.

“Can we not fight anymore? I can’t stand it when you’re like that.” Louis sighed when he slipped on the bed where Harry was already reading. He sat with legs crossed and observed brunette whose eyes were still plastered to the book. Something in the way his brows furrowed and green eyes stayed focused on one spot made the shorter one think that the man was not actually reading, at least not anymore. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Yes, you shouldn’t have.” A deep voice broke the complete tranquillity of their shared bedroom. There was still some resentment spicing those words but Louis knew he could break through it.

They never really fought too much. Yeah, there was some bickering here and there, they were married after all but they had little to none of those big fights that would end up in them not speaking for days. Harry wouldn’t allow that to happen. Despite how things looked during that particular disagreement, it was usually Louis who held the grudge and was just straight up petty. If it ever came to them having a squabble, it was brunette who extended an olive branch at the end of the day since he just hated the idea of going to sleep mad at each other. That’s why Louis felt so out of his element trying to bury the hatchet.

“How many times do I have to apologize so you’d look at me? Don’t ignore me, please, I can’t stand it.” The shorter one whined and pulled one of his husband’s hands away from the book which fell to the side.

“You could just stop undermining my authority and the whole thing wouldn’t happen, you know?” The voice still screaming ‘angry’, yet Louis couldn’t be happier to hear it. His man always went dead silent when it came to them fighting. He wasn’t a screaming type, he just went about his business, not talking until he felt like it. That was both a blessing and a curse. Yeah, due to this strategy, neither could get carried away and say something they didn’t mean and would’ve regretted later but then, the whole not speaking thing was hard on both of them. Thankfully, it wasn’t like they fought frequently enough for it to be too big of a problem.

“I know, I’m sorry. I will not do that again.”

“You will because you always do.” Harry sighed, his expression relaxing just a bit. “When I say no chocolate before dinner, I mean it.” He gave his husband a gaze that made the smaller man regret everything. “You know how big of a struggle it is to get them to eat, especially Eric and yet you make it even harder on me. Not to mention making me look like a joke. You can’t just teach them to come to you when I tell them no. This is not how any of this works.”

“I know, you’re right about this.” Louis hung his head, staring at the bedding. “It was kind of hard to tell them no when I was caught red-handed eating it, you know?” If the man would raise his eyes, he’d see the smirk winning the battle with Harry’s annoyed stare. “It was supposed to be a secret.”

“What kind of backwards logic makes you think that telling me that I wasn’t supposed to know about this makes it any better?” The taller man asked with amusement audible in his words. “Plus, in what world is Ruby capable of keeping anything secret? She’s always the first one to spill anything she learns about. Frankly, I think she got this from you.” Brunette chuckled.

“You’re not mad at me anymore?” Louis smiled shyly.

“I’m not. But don’t do that again. You’re not an exception from the no chocolate before dinner rule.”

“You are not my dad.” The younger guy scoffed and crossed his arms on his bare chest. He smiled knowing that everything has been resolved and they could go back to normal.

“Yeah? Thought I’ve heard you call me that once or twice… must’ve been mistaken, I guess.” Brunette shrugged and placed palms on his husband’s shoulders, pulling him onto himself so he could entrap him in a tight embrace. “Missed you.” He murmured with face nuzzled against the crook of Louis’ neck, rubbing his nose against the skin that smelled like the mix of shower gel and, well… Louis.

“You did not look like you’ve missed me.” Louis complained. “So cold.” He shook his head. “Hate seeing you like that.”

“And when was exactly the last time, when I was like that? I never stay mad at you for long.”

“Then why did you today? I’ve done worse things than give kids chocolate before dinner.”

“Because you never learn.” Brunette grazed the delicate skin with his teeth, his hand slipping down Louis’ side; pulling his bottom closer when he got to his hip. “So stubborn.” Harry pushed a guttural chuckle out, his warm breath soothing the skin he’s been nibbling on.

“Look at me, a perfectly good boy while you’re the one acting indecently.” Louis’ laugh transformed in a hiss when he felt Harry’s hand wrapping around his thigh. The man pulled the smaller husband on his lap in one fell swoop. “Naughty.” Lou smirked when he bit into the lip he started kissing.

“Wanna give me a spanking? I think I deserve punishment.” Brunette winked suggestively, his hands resting on his lover’s hips; the same ones that ground against him.

“I don’t condone physical punishment.” The younger man shook his head. “Perhaps I’ll put you in timeout…” He wondered, in contrary to his words, he found the hem of Harry’s t-shirt and pulled it off the man. “I guess I could let it go if you’d apologize nicely.”

“Look at you, full-on daddy mode even during foreplay.” The taller one’s laugh disappeared in his partner’s mouth. Harry slipped his bum down the bedding, pulling his man higher so he could get rid of his pants. Louis now straddling his husband’s hips.

“Oh… this leads to something?” Louis pretended to be oblivious, dipping his head down to reach brunette’s lips. “Wasn’t aware.” He tried to seem unbothered, his façade quickly broken by a deep sigh that escaped his lungs, lips falling open when he felt delicate fingers slipping down his spine. “I guess I can if we have to.” He rolled his eyes as he continued his silly game.

“Such a little shit.” Brunette scoffed, digging his fingertips in Louis’ sides. “Sit on my face.” He asked; the veins of gold in his pupils melted with arousal, mouth watering at the filthy thought rumbling in his brain. “Please?” The man pleaded when his request met with uncertainty in his lover’s expression.

“FINE!” The shorter man sounded like a sole thought of being eaten out was unbearable. His act completely ignored by his partner who was grinning widely as the man shifted his body; knees pressed on both sides of Harry’s chest, his bottom pushed back to give his partner full access. “Dig in.”

“Yum.” Brunette smiled when his comment was punished with a slap on his stomach. He was way too busy with observing how his husband’s ring fluttered when he laughed. Without further ado, he spread Louis open, his palms squeezing the substantial mass as he placed a wide lick right on the spot, his saliva providing a nice slip to next, more frantic licks.

Despite Louis’ reluctancy to the idea of rimming, he was sold on it from the second he felt the wetness on his pink opening. His body jerked with an abundance of reactions to Harry’s tongue digging inside of him, hot air tickling his skin just a bit. He bucked his hips fervently, his hard cock heavy on brunette’s chest, causing the older man to shift his hands, securing his partner’s bottom so he wouldn’t get out of reach when he tried to agitate his erection without touching it.

“Lend me a hand?” The taller one didn’t have to provide further instructions; his partner’s hand rested on his own bum, spreading himself open. “Beautiful.” Harry chuckled between the licks; his partner still very much restless on his chest. The situation changing completely when brunette slipped a finger past his husband’s rim, causing the man to stay still; Harry not moving either, taking in the way his partner clenched around him before he pressed another, slim digit in. A shudder shook the younger one’s body when the artist curved his finger in a well-known direction.

Louis decided to take matters in his own hands or… hips when his lover’s stillness started to make him impatient. He started fucking those fingers, buried deep inside of him with utmost urgency, getting a bit carried away as he almost made himself come.

“Wait for me, you selfish little slut.” Harry teased when he heard a pained moan, clearly indicating the reason why the lover stopped moving all of a sudden. “Since you feel like such a cowboy today…”

“Yes, yes… please.” The smaller one nodded his head in agreement to a proposition that never left his partner’s lips.

“Such a needy boy…” Brunette shook his head, amused smirk on his face when his dark curls tickled his husband’s bottom. “Be still for me.” The man commandeered and pinched his man’s side, making him twitch just a bit before he stilled completely, letting his partner work him open, feeling every movement of fingers scissoring inside of him, purposefully avoiding that button which would definitely bring Louis over the edge if accidentally pressed or even brushed over.

The shorter man fell onto his husband’s body, pressing his lips to the erection that filled with blood throughout the rimming part, now proudly presenting its full potential on brunette’s navel. Obeying Harry’s order came with unforeseen consequence of not being able to blow the man like Louis wanted to; in the end, he resorted to a sloppy handjob with a guest appearance of his tongue, swivelling around the parts he could reach without moving, sucking eagerly on the tip as he was still being fingered.

“Give me a moment.” Harry laughed, his man’s body trembling as he warned him not to proceed with palming him if they wanted to go through with their plans. While he just loved the feeling of Lou’s hands touching him with such enthusiasm, he recognized the odd sensation in his gut and let’s be honest, the time of his recovery lengthened quite significantly as he aged. Of course, he could’ve pulled off the second round, he wasn’t THAT old but he’d need some time and he was aware that both Louis and he were just straight-up tired. It was a weekend after all, what once was the time to blow some steam and relax, turned into mayhem when they become parents. Lovely but still tiring and chaotic.

Louis clenched his muscles vigorously, jiggling his bum just like his lover liked; Harry’s face buried in between two, perfect rounds when he rubbed his wet tongue over his husband’s rim for a few, last times. His jaw aching from the exercise it got, certainly not from talking too much. Brunette breathless when he finally let his head fall back onto the pillow, face flushed from the lack of oxygen.

His partner couldn’t wait much longer, simply because he didn’t want to. His thighs twitching when he shifted again, going back to straddling his partner; his slick with saliva bum pressing against his man’s length, rubbing on it just a bit with small, seemingly unintentional slides of his hips when he reached to the bedside drawer to retrieve their near-empty lube bottle.

“You’re so hot.” Harry murmured after he wiped his chin clean with a t-shirt he was wearing earlier. Much to his liking, Louis leaned down and started kissing him ardently as he went about the familiar routine, without paying any attention slicking Harry’s throbbing cock with lube he warmed in between his fingers, pressing the excess into himself, his impatient fingers circling his rim causing another shudder.

“Oh my…” A little voice slipped past the smaller one’s lips when he guided his partner’s cock to his opening, the red tip pressing on the ring before it fully pushed inside, causing the reaction of a man who wasn’t necessarily used to bottoming since he took that spot, on rare occasion.

“Love you.” Brunette reminded his partner, turning his head to the left to reach one of the hands which Louis placed above his lover’s shoulders to support his weight as he gradually pushed down on the length. Sweet, solicitous kisses pressed on the pale skin on the underside of the smaller one’s arm until he took the hands away; Harry’s erection fully enveloped when the bottom sat straight, getting used to the sensation, every single twitch of his muscles felt by the taller one.

The younger man’s desire showed perhaps a minute after he took his husband’s full size. The man ambitiously guiding his hips up and down, riding his partner like it was their last day on earth, small hands resting on Harry’s chest, his whines muffled as he bit his lip perhaps a bit too hard.

“Oh, fuck.” Louis cursed when he slammed down on Harry’s cock, his body shaking from everything he felt both physically and emotionally. Their closeness very much appreciated after the small silent period they had going on that day.

Harry threw his head back when his partner slammed down on him for the third time, his right hand pulling on Lou’s hard-on that was leaking profusely on brunette’s chest when his husband rode him to oblivion; green, sparkling eyes rolled all the way to the back when he savoured soft moans and obscene sounds of their bodies meeting at his groin. The arousal fully took over his mind, subconsciously sending his hand flying, slapping the pale skin of Lou’s bottom hard when he was halfway down his cock.

The way Louis’ mouth rounded in surprise when he was struck, made his husband do it again. Brunette smirking smugly when he did that, the increased volume of the second slap in combination with Lou’s flinch made him think he went overboard; the concerned gaze he threw at his partner met with a scoff, roll of the bottom’s eyes and a flick of Harry’s nipple which only told him that his consternation was unfounded.

“Are you close, greedy boy?” Brunette asked when he felt himself getting there. Louis, perfectly fluent in his husband’s body language only picked up his pace, slamming down harder, rolling his hips as he slid up until he felt Harry coming, filling him up to the brim; come oozing out when he abandoned his spot, pulling himself up on Harry’s chest where he was taken care off without saying a word; his husband hollowing his cheeks as he sucked the man off until he decided that he put enough strain on his jaw when he ate the man out. Then, he just fully submitted to his partner’s lust, letting the man take his throat like he wanted to. And boy, he did. Thrusting his hips in fervour, slapping against his partner’s chin, slicked with tears and saliva before he clenched his hand on a fistful of the dark curls pooled on the pillow.

“Can I come on your face?” The smaller one asked, his question meeting with an enthusiastic shake of Harry’s head who looked at his man with so much love when the partner slid out of his mouth. Louis gave himself just a few tugs before he came; milky strings contrasting with the tanned skin of brunette’s face. “God, we’re disgusting.” The younger one chuckled in the first wave of post-coital clarity, rubbing the tears away from his husband’s cheeks with a thumb.

“We’re fucking hot.” Harry smiled at his man adoringly, a content hum seeping through his nostrils when his husband started pressing small kisses to his jawline, purposefully avoiding the parts he soiled with come. “Gonna shower, will you wait for me?” A hopeful tone manifested in his voice as he started getting up, leaving Louis to wind down on their bed.

“You’ve gotta give me something to look forward to.” The shorter one teased as he watched his husband collect his scattered clothes, always so neat. He pressed a peck on the red mark on the right side of Louis’ bum, soothing the skin with his fingers before he straightened up.

“Cuddles, gonna cuddle you so good.” The vibrant green of his eyes disappeared behind his lids for a split second when he blinked at his partner affectionately.

“Say no more.”

~*~

“Eric, no. You’re not going anywhere until you’re finished eating.” Louis reminded his son who was squirming in his seat, looking for a possible escape route without any success since he was under the careful gaze of two adults.

Harry had his back turned to the kitchen table where his husband, accompanied by Anne watched Ruby and Eric eat their mid-day snacks.

“Full.” The boy insisted with his brows furrowed while he pushed the plate away just so it could be brought back by his father.

“You’ve barely touched it, don’t lie. We talked about lying, haven’t we?” Both children nodded even though Ruby was probably still too small to comprehend such abstract ideas. “Papa said you have to eat everything or you won’t be allowed to make soap with your aunties, do you want to do that?” The boy nodded with a pained expression on his face. “Let’s eat then, it’s not a lot of food. You like nuggets, don’t you?”

“I like.” Eric glanced at the whimsical shapes on his plate. “A duckie.” He exclaimed proudly when he picked one of the nuggets and presented it to both his father and grandma.

“Yes, a duckie. Go on then, up that babbling mouth of yours. Show grandma how sharp are those teeth.” The man ruffled his son’s bowl cut, the boy scrunching his face in disapproval. “And what do you have here, princess?” He asked Ruby who was now staring at a nugget; she was a mealtime champion when compared to her brother.

“Doggie.” The girl grinned and pushed the whole thing into her mouth, her cheeks puffing out since it was far too big of a bite.

“Doggie, amazing.” The father encouraged when he reached his hand to catch the glob of halfway chewed-up food that fell out Ruby’s mouth before it could hit her clothes. “Be careful, small bites or you’ll choke.” Louis warned and brought the slimy mass to the bin, rinsing his hands before he snuggled to his husband’s back; leaving children under Anne’s supervision.

“I’m pretty sure there were no doggies, no duckies either.” Brunette chuckled as he was tossing a salad, he prepared for later with a pair of utensils specially designated for that task. Very necessary in Harry’s opinion even though Louis was very much sure that a pair of spoons would do the job just as well, without taking up so much space. Oh well, after years of living with his husband, he was used to the abundance of various utensils with a single purpose that could easily be lived without.

“I’m pretty sure I don't give a fuck as long as they're eating.” The shorter one lowered his voice so his profanity wouldn’t reach the table. “Honestly, doing pretty bad job at the shapes. Couldn’t have guessed any if I tried, six years of art school went to shit.” He teased, slipping his hand under Harry’s t-shirt, rubbing his stomach for a second.

“Say that to the money that helps put those misshaped abominations on the table.” Brunette snapped back. “Zayn’s gonna be here soon.”

“What about Liam?”

“He’ll get Niall and get here a bit later; he’s on duty.” Harry explained and escaped his husband’s embrace when the man turned around to see the source of the fit of giggles that broke out at the table. Anne using her superpowers to make her grandchildren eat, even steamed broccoli disappeared from the plates and that was always the toughest one to get through. “God, how much easier would our life be if she was here all the time.” The cook wondered as he leaned down to place a small peck on Lou’s pursed lips.

“What would be left for us to do then?”

“Don’t think we’d have troubles occupying ourselves.” The taller one flicked his husband’s nose when the man still wouldn’t let him go; arms wrapped around his waist.

“Got the chairs ready, anything else?” One of Louis’ sisters entered the kitchen, her hair gathered in a tight ponytail, golden skin glowing in sunbeams falling through a window.

“Could you, please take your brother and pick some cherry tomatoes from the garden?” Harry handed Phoebe a bowl to fill when he sent the two to complete the task which he may or may not have made up so his husband would let him work on preparing food for the barbeque.

The end of August was slowly approaching, still carrying merciless swelter from the prior month when men decided to throw a little gathering. Maybe there wasn’t a particular reason to celebrate at this exact date but both children’s birthdays and their wedding anniversary were close enough, so they made this little tradition of merging three parties into one; especially since their kids weren’t the greatest when it came to celebrating birthdays separately; their one and only try at that ended up in a tantrum caused by the fact that only one was showered with gifts.

“Oh, God. You’re an angel… or a witch, there’s no other explanation.” Harry sighed deeply when his mother brought empty plates and put them in the dishwasher. “See? Wasn’t that hard to eat, was it?” He addressed his children, one of which still confined in her high-chair, the other stomping impatiently, waiting for his sister.

“Can we get candy now?” Eric asked when his father pulled Ruby from her jail and set on the ground.

“No candy, there’s going to be cake later.” The man was punished with irritated looks of his disappointed children. “Can give you a lolly but I think Gemma’s waiting for you.” He didn’t even get an answer before the kids went flying out of the door, their excited cheering flooding the backyard.

“First you’re stealing my kids and now my cat?” The cook joked as he watched his mother stroke fur of the chunky ginger cat that was still with them, thriving.

“Sorry, can’t help my natural charm.” Anne’s laugh rang in the kitchen before it faded into nothing. “Eight years, huh?” She nudged her son with an elbow.

“Feels like we’ve barely got married.” Brunette shook his head, glancing out of the window on his husband who picked the tomatoes with a grimace on his face that faded away only when he tossed the fruit into the bowl laying on the ground, making a game out of the chore. His throwing skill exposed when he missed the target most of the time which only ended up with him being further pissed since he had to pick the tomatoes that rolled away.

“Time flies when you’re happy.” The woman concluded. “When do you have those preschool trial days?”

“We had one on Wednesday, there are two next week too.”

“How did he do?” She asked. “Was he crying?”

“Yeah, he was for a bit but then he didn’t want to leave when he came to pick him up so I guess he’s done well.” The man laughed deeply as he was preparing skewers, his mother standing beside him doing the same thing. “We’ll see how he does next time when it’s more than two hours.”

“Now that you’re sending Eric to kindergarten… were you thinking about taking another one in?” The mother addressed the topic like it was nothing, her approach taking her son aback just a bit.

“No… I think we’re done with the two.” The man laughed out loud at the thought of the chaos that would ensue if they decided to adopt another child. They had more than enough on their plate as it was.

His response might sound like it was quite a spontaneous one but in reality, they’ve discussed the matter quite extensively around the time their adoption was finalized. Their entire, lengthy journey concluded a year into their parenthood; the legalization taking the irrational fear of children being taken away from them off their shoulders.

Maybe a week after, Louis finally asked if Harry would hypothetically be down to go through the process again, given that according to the social worker handling their case it would be easier the second time around. Still, both men decided that they don’t see themselves doing it again. The first obstacle was the size of their home which was pretty much perfect for the four of them. Sure, they could just move, considering that their mortgage was already almost paid off but they both loved that place. They’ve put so much heart and hard work in each and every room, tailoring the space entirely to their liking. As much as nobody can predict the future, they didn’t see themselves ever leaving that house even though they never thought about it being their forever home before they bought it.

“Here, the rest isn’t ripe yet.” Louis threw the bowl onto the counter perhaps a bit too hard, the vessel spinning just for a bit, threatening to fall off the edge.

“Didn’t you bruise them too much while missing the target completely, LeBron?” Brunette teased his partner who without much thought fisted his hand and punched Harry in a shoulder. “Oh god, eight years in and the abuse starts. Would you look at that mom…” The man joked, smiling widely at his partner who looked back at him, his expression everything but amused.

“Was asking your husband if I’m ever going to get more grandchildren than I already have…” Anne insisted on keeping the baby discussion open while she pierced pieces of meat and vegetables in order, that seemed random to Louis, even though he knew it probably wasn’t.

“Maybe you’ll ask Gemma then?” The shorter man proposed. “But she never mentioned having more so I guess this is it.” Louis shrugged. “Can’t believe you’d want more of those devils to deal with.” He shook his head.

“Well, I’m not that surprised, the cuddles and spoiling department is far more enjoyable than changing diapers and managing tantrums.” Harry gave his mother a humorous look.

“Yes, like I’ve never changed a diaper.” The woman rolled her eyes as she put the last skewer on a tray. Of course, she has; Harry was just joking. His mother helped them tremendously when the time had come for them to get back to work. With Louis out for lengthy shifts and his husband needing some time to deal with his work, she was extremely useful and her presence greatly appreciated until they got better at time management.

“Come to your favourite uncle, you monkeys.” Zayn called the babies who were running around with the youngest of Louis’ siblings and Gemma’s daughter, screaming in excitement, pretty successfully preventing the adults from talking at the table. Of course, after the uncountable times when Zayn called himself ‘the favourite uncle’, the kids started recognized him as such; as if it was his nickname or something. That’s why they immediately rushed to sit in a lap of a man who sat on a garden chair, putting his beer away to hold the children so they wouldn’t fall.

The husbands always thought that Malik would turn into that fun uncle the moment they bring the children to their home and yeah, they were not mistaken. If anything, Zayn’s behaviour exceeded all expectations, spoiling the two with gifts and attention, stepping up to babysit whenever he got the chance, sometimes even competing with Anne for the spot which was quite surprising considering how unphased the man was by children who weren’t his friends'.

The full lengths to which Zayn was able to go to for the two were uncovered not that long after Liam and he met the kids. Harry would’ve never expected that his friend would be capable of doing so, yet he surprised him when he volunteered to change a diaper. Yeah, he told later that it was a test whether he could do that since he was apparently thinking about adopting with Liam but then, he did that again and the repetition fully convinced both his friends and even his husband that there was so much love and warmth that thick shell of his.

Little Eric pushed himself up and whispered into Malik’s ear, the man nodding at whatever he was told. “I think this is a great time for ice lollies.” He smirked at the younger father. “Would you fetch us some, daddy?” He couldn’t keep a straight face while addressing his friend like that.

Louis stood up with a deep sigh and dragged his bare feet over the green grass as he walked inside.

“Which one is your favourite? Daddy or papa?” Zayn leaned down and asked a question which despite his secretive act, everybody heard. The children were looking nervously at Harry, shifting their gaze to the spot where Louis disappeared just seconds ago.

“Don’t answer that.” The father told the two that now relaxed a bit. “Zayn, don’t mess with my kids.” The tallest man threw a tired gaze at his friend since it was not the first time his children were asked the same exact question by that particular uncle.

“Fine! Was just making conversation.” Malik surrendered. A loud creak broke through the cacophony of sounds everyone had time to get used to already. All heads turned to the gate that separated the garden from the front yard only to see Liam and Niall joining the party with wide grins on their faces that appeared immediately when Eric and Ruby hopped off Zayn’s lap and rushed to greet them, getting picked up and brought back to the table.

“How about that, favourite uncle?” Gemma teased Zayn who now sat, his lukewarm beer back in his hand when he pulled an empty chair to his side from under the table so his partner could take the spot.

“Anne, honestly. That was some questionable parenting that led both of your children to be so mean. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been bullied by both of them.” Malik shook his head as he joked with a woman sitting opposite of him before he took a tomato from the bowl and crushed it in between his molars.

“Oh, how easy it is to comment on someone’s parenting when you don’t have kids of your own.” The woman snapped back at the man whose humour she got used to as the time progressed; now, that they grew closer she got better and better at throwing back snarky comments at her son’s best friend. “You’re getting any?” She inspected.

“What’s with the baby talk today? Damn, mom…” Harry looked at his mother with a smile on his face that faded away once he realized that he was caught by his children, the profanity greatly condemned by the two. “Sorry, that was a bad word.” He smiled at the kids shyly, making the grimaces disappear when he was forgiven that offence.

“As for now, we’re not. Who knows what happens later.” Liam answered the question as he looked at his husband. “Thankfully, we have these two to spoil.” He nodded at Ruby and Eric who were squirming on Niall’s lap, the man released them so they ran to their father who was now carrying a full tray of ice lollies Harry made the day prior.

“Wait a second, we don’t want to drop them. Who wants one?” Louis called loud enough so he would be heard all around the garden, passing the treats to kids and adults who were down for one. “Oh god, take it. I don’t want to go back.” He addressed Zayn who tried to refuse the only one that was left. “Take it or I’ll shove it up your throat.” He threatened.

“Kinky.” Malik winked at his friend but accepted the banana ice lolly from his friend’s hand.

“How’s it looking?” Harry asked Niall who came back from where he wandered to check on the grill, assessing the situation since he was hungry, not that it was particularly surprising.

“How would I know?” Horan shrugged; a green lolly sucked into his mouth as he waited for food.

“Give it five minutes, Horan. We’re almost there.” Gemma announced when she joined the company after spending a big chunk of her day playing with children.

“I don’t know if I won’t die before that.” The Irish one rolled his eyes in exaggeration.

“Daddy…” Louis heard behind himself, twisting his body immediately only to see his son carrying two half-finished ice lollies that were now melting on his small hands.

“Of course…” He sighed. “Give them to me, go ask Doris to help you wash your hands, Ruby too.” He sent the boy off to find Lou’s sister so she could do take care of the task. He handed one of the lollies to Harry who without any questions, started finishing it. Just another thing that you just get used to while having kids; eating slobbery leftovers.

“We’ll lay the kids for the night. Liam, check on the skewers if we won’t get here in fifteen minutes.” Harry addressed his friend and left the table, taking his husband with him so they could gather the two that was sitting on the hammock, exhausted with the intensity of the day.

“It’s your turn to get Eric.” Louis announced as if Harry wasn’t aware that he had the tedious task of putting their son to sleep where his husband had to take care of Ruby’s bedtime.

“Can we switch?” Brunette asked, sighing deeply at the thought of the struggle.

“Why would I want that?” The shorter one laughed, nudging his partner on the side with his elbow since his playful mood was further amplified by his tipsiness.

“I’ll make it up to you.” Harry promised. “Make it up to you real good.” He smiled suggestively as he wrapped his arm around his husband, stroking Lou’s side with his fingers.

“Guess we can switch.” The man rolled his eyes and escaped the embrace when he found the children, preoccupied with an iPad that they shouldn’t even have in the first place. “Hop on.” Louis nodded at the son who complied and jumped at his father, now hanging from his shoulder as he giggled. “Gonna get you to bed, you look tired.”

“I am tired.” The boy agreed as he rubbed his eyes, staying silent when they went upstairs, only laughing a bit when his body jumped as they climbed the stairs, secured by his father.

“A book.” Eric demanded when he was laid in his bed after an express bath Louis prepared for him. “The whale one.”

“Okay, of course.” Louis searched for the mentioned book and started reading through pages as if he didn’t know the story by heart already.

“You’re a superhero, how did you get him to sleep so fast?” Harry asked when Louis left their son’s bedroom. As it turned out, he was waiting in the corridor, leaning on the railing of the stairs.

“He was tired, they were all over the place today.” The shorter one entrapped his husband when he clasped his hands on the railing on both sides of brunette’s hips. “Are you rushing somewhere?” He smiled suggestively at his man who got the hint immediately.

“Think I can spare a minute or two.”

“A minute or two? Thought you’re better than this.” Louis shook his head in faux disappointment.

“Well, I was but then the thirty snook up on me, and it’s been five years ago.” A deep chuckle shook the taller one’s body.

“Oh god, when did you get so old?” The younger man teased, pulling his partner towards their bedroom, Harry sliding on his knees down Lou’s body when he fiddled with buttons of the jean shorts that were particularly tricky to undo in the complete darkness they’ve opted for in order not to alert their friends who were now hanging out in the garden.

“We have like five minutes before they get suspicious but frankly, I don’t think you’ll last that long.” Harry looked up at his partner with adoration in his hazy eyes.

“Yeah? Try me.” Louis dared his man who reached for the phone he had in his pocket, put on a stopwatch and only then pressed his lips to his husband’s length that slowly swelled as it was agitated.

“This was not fair. You usually don’t do… that.” Louis shook his head when he refused to acknowledge brunette’s win after he got his partner to spill in little short to three minutes. “And also, I was pretty riled up so tie is all I can agree on.”

“We had sex yesterday, how does that make you so riled up?” Brunette argued as they went down the stairs, Harry’s hand wrapped around the smaller one’s waist as Lou still fixed the buttons of his shorts.

“It was a tie.”

“No, I won.” Harry insisted when they returned to the garden where they found even fewer people that were there when they left. The company increasingly smaler before it was only Niall, Zayn and Liam who were left to keep the Tomlinsons company, giving the gang a chance to hang out like in the old days.

“Took you long enough.” Niall commented when both men took their places. Harry took two skewers and put them on his husband’s plate before he served himself. “I would’ve never thought that getting kids to bed would be so exhausting.”

“Yeah, sure. As if they were putting kids to bed the whole time.” Malik scoffed; his intense stare focused on Harry’s swollen lips. “Honestly, could you not wait till you’re alone? Your mother was here for fuck’s sake.” He continued, visible amusement completely negating his outraged act.

“We weren’t doing anything.” Louis argued as he started nibbling on his skewer.

“And that’s why his lips look like he had a date with a fucking vacuum cleaner.” Another snarky remark.

“We snogged. What? Am I not allowed to kiss my husband now?” The smallest man kept on going.

“Didn’t know that you can get cum on your chin from snogging, been doing it wrong my whole life.” Liam joined the small battle to support his husband and even though Louis was certain that there was nothing on his partner’s chin, the way Harry swiped it with the top of his hand was enough to expose them in front of their friends.

“Oh my god.” Niall’s staple cackle boomed in the garden when both Tomlinsons seemed to be unbothered by the confrontation, eating their food like they haven't just been exposed for fooling around with a party still in their backyard.

“Jealous because there’s nobody to suck you off?” Louis snapped back at his best friend, Horan’s laugh fading into a chuckle as he gulped his drink.

“Met a girl actually.” The Irish man smiled at his friend’s shocked faces.

“Yeah? Where?” Liam asked, pulling his partner’s chair even closer to embrace him since the evening got a bit chilly.

“At work, we had product recall and they’ve teamed us to go and apologize to some people.”

“And you’ve managed to charm a girl in those circumstances?” Louis’ chuckle emerged at the table.

“I guess.” Horan’s shoulders shook in a shrug.

“There was no dick sucking though?” Zayn joined the conversation. “Like… in a car on something?”

“No, of course not.” Niall shook his head. “We’ve barely met. She’s nice though, think she even flirted with me a bit.”

“Let’s hope she doesn’t flirt with everybody.” Malik concluded and got back to eating.

Somehow, nobody even knew how; three of men ended up in a kiddie pool which caused the party to come to an end. Harry was now collecting dishes, piling them in the sink when the dishwasher was filled to the brim; leaving the rest to be dealt with in the morning.

Louis disappeared upstairs after he decided that a hot shower would do him well after the dunk he took in cold water filling the inflatable pool. For a quick second, it made brunette think that perhaps he did that to get away from helping with the clean-up but that theory was quickly discarded when he remembered that it was Zayn who initiated the whole thing.

The reasoning behind his actions were just as mysterious as behind Louis and Niall following him, three of them squeezed in the small pool, cackling drunks slushing away, barely submerged in water that was pretty low due to safety reasons even after they filled it from a hose, drastically lowering the temperature in the process. Louis was pretty lucky that he was at home where he could hop in the shower and heat up. Of course, both Niall and Zayn were offered to do that but they insisted they’re okay when they got in the Uber, wrapped up in towels; Harry could bet that they probably got to regret the decision as soon as air conditioning hit them.

When all the food was put in the fridge, the dishes left for later, Harry decided it was the time for him to get to bed. He was quite surprised that Louis hasn’t come down to get him but considering the severe shivering of his jaw when his husband last saw him, brunette assumed that he was still in the shower. The complete silence in the upstairs corridor proved him otherwise. Running water would’ve been easily heard from the place where the man was standing.

Before the artist decided to go to his bedroom, his fatherly instinct kicked in and lured him to each of his children’s bedrooms to check if they were still asleep since he’s always done that before he laid for the night. Thankfully, they were. Sound asleep, their adorable faces lit in colourful light of the nightlamps plugged in next to their beds; a fat cat laying at the foot of Eric’s bed since it became his top sleeping spot ever since the children were brought to the house.

The mystery of the lack of Louis’ drunken clinginess was uncovered the second Harry opened the door, soft snores hitting his ears when he entered. The lights were still on, the man curled on the bed that was still made, uncovered even even though he was shivering; chilled air blowing from the balcony door that Louis must’ve left opened when he went out for a cigarette.

Brunette approached the door and closed it, leaving the rest of the windows slightly opened. He was tired, yet very reluctant to the idea of hitting their clean sheets just as he was, covered in the grime of the day, barbeque smoke and plain sweat that his body pushed out in the swelter of the evening. That’s why he decided to step into the shower to quickly rinse everything off his tanned silhouette. Not bothering with drying himself, he turned the lights off and returned to the bedroom, putting on a lamp before he shut the main light.

“Sorry, baby. Have to get you covered.” Harry murmured as he shifted his husband to get him under the sheets, the smaller man’s arm wrapping around him, Louis’ clinginess fighting with the sleepiness. “Let me go, gonna cuddle you in a second.” Lou complied and brunette could escape back to the bathroom where he rinsed the glass that was a permanent fixture on his nightstand and filled it with tap water. Then, he could get back, put the glass on the coaster that the kids painted for his birthday and finally slide under the covers. He smiled just a bit when he felt Louis shifting, the sheets crumpling as he wrapped his cold arm around his man’s chest, his cheek pressed to brunette’s side when the man took his usual spot on instinct. His soft breaths mixed with just a tad of snoring put his husband to sleep before he even could realize he was dozing off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! My unability to keep things concise ended up in splitting the epilogue in two. Sorry if I'm annoying and I promise that the next one will be the last part of this particular story.  
>  Wanted to encourage you to share the fic with people if you've enjoyed it and inform you that I'm reading through the entirety and fixing the embarrassing mistakes/typos that somehow slipped through (you should've told me!).  
>  Thank you for all the love, whether it were kudos you've left, a comment or just straight-up going along the lenghty journey with me; all of you are greately appreciated. See you sometime soon for the update, hang in there ♥


	30. The Epilogue (part II)

“Go see if you can fetch the guy with the trowel by his backpack. If not, you’re digging my grave with bare hands because I am not getting down.” Louis groaned as he sat on a piece of a tree that had rotten and fell apart. He retrieved a water bottle from Harry’s rucksack and gulped half of their water in one go.

“You love the view that much?” The brunette teased his husband when he sat beside him, a fragment of wood further falling apart under his weight. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” The man wrapped his hand around his partner’s waist, pulling him closer as they looked at the lake, stretching out at the foot of the mountain Harry insisted on climbing.

“Was that always the plan? To get rid of me on the eighth anniversary?” The smaller guy continued complaining. He toed his shoes off and kicked them to the side so his feet could rest as they sat on the top of the mountain. 

“Exactly.” Harry scoffed. “I told you not to bring new shoes, it’s your fault that they’re rubbing.” The shrug that shook his man’s silhouette infuriated Louis even further. He wasn’t going to let that be shown though. It was their anniversary, after all, fighting would be the worst thing they could do.

After Anne’s persuading, the two decided to have a little weekend getaway to celebrate, have some time for each other. That’s how they ended up in a small, Welsh village with a population of half a thousand. That’s precisely what they needed. Being alone, surrounded by nature in its early-autumn glory. Well… Louis hasn’t really cared about the nature aspect, now, that he’s been dragged up the mountain he regretted the choice incredibly. He just agreed on that destination because he secretly hoped that this trip, much like every other they’ve been on before, would end up in them staying in bed all the time, enjoying each other’s company.

Harry chose the place after googling ‘the most charming villages in the UK’. He scrolled through the list and picked one the closest to their home since they both wanted to be close in case there was an emergency. Much to The brunette’s surprise, it was Louis who had a meltdown when they’ve crossed the border. He panicked for a bit before he was reassured that the kids are safe with Anne, who was excited about spending her time with the kids. Harry trusted his mother, of course, he did, but it was still incredibly weird not to have kids for the trip. They haven’t been anywhere, just the two of them since they’ve adopted and it still felt just… bizarre.

But it was their second day in the village, and after an update, they got from Harry’s mum in the morning, they were soothed, enjoying themselves, one more than the other, without constant fears about their children’s wellbeing.

“What now?” Louis asked after they’ve spent almost an hour appreciating the view, exchanging kisses that perhaps bettered his mood just a bit. He took out a protein bar from the backpack and started eating it since he felt like having something sweet. Of course, it had nothing on a Snickers bar or even the least favourite candy the man could think of, but it’s not like he had any alternatives.

“I thought about having a walk down the river but if you’re too tired, I guess we can move straight to dinner and then head back?” Harry proposed as he fixed his hair, he pushed the curls away with a headband and got up from the log that started getting uncomfortable after a while.

“No, we can still go.” The shorter man pulled himself up with his partner’s help. “Nothing could be more boring than that godawful copper mine.” He shook his head and picked up the rucksack, swinging it on his shoulders since it was only fair after Harry dragged it all the way up.

“It wasn’t that awful.” The brunette lied. It was bad. They’ve spent over two hours in a cave, listening to some boring stories and ‘finding’ fabricated traces of leftover gold and copper. The worst way to spend a few quid, well… it would be an enjoyable evening for people who have a kink for their partners whining after every single step. Let’s just say that the adventure got Louis pretty cranky.

“It was, I should just push you off the mountain for exposing me to…  _ that _ .” Louis threw a bored look at his partner, who was now sipping water they’ve brought. Of course, he wasn’t mad. He could think about one or two things they could’ve done instead in the two hours they’ve wasted on that particular tourist attraction though.

“Are you thirsty?” The taller man offered his partner the bottle.

“Think I already drank my share.” Louis refused even though he could use a sip.

“Don’t be silly, have at it.” The younger one accepted, after all. He took just a few, more considerate sips and put the bottle back into the backpack as they started walking, the journey quite significantly less straining on the way down.

“I’m too tired to take a bath.” Louis complained when they finally got to the cabin they’ve rented for the weekend. It was small, very cosy but that was everything they needed. The only downside was the lack of a shower, which was not appreciated by the younger man who wanted to hop in for a minute or two and just get to bed.

“Oh, shush. I’ll run you one.” Before the victim of his partner’s adventure-seeking nature could realize, the brunette was not there anymore. The sound of running water, audible in the living room was a clear indicator that he was in the process of delivering on his promise.

It was around eleven in the evening when they finally got back to their spot. Somehow, Louis got tricked into yet another walk after dinner, and they ended up roaming the streets of the charming village for quite a bit, the unforeseen activity left the man feeling like he was dying, running on fumes at this point.

Harry came back from the bathroom, the water still pouring into the bathtub, a faint smell of a scented candle that was in the bathroom to provide a relaxing atmosphere, reached Lou’s nostrils as he was laying on the couch.

“Want a beer to join you in your bath?” Harry asked his partner when he was snacking on granola, dumping handfuls into his mouth.

“What are my other options, what’s on the menu for today?”

“Tea, water, a smoothie and… granola?” The brunette laughed as he presented the bag he’s been snacking from. “Any special requests? Perhaps I could work something out?”

“You?” The smaller man smirked at his partner who did the same. His lips still bent as he approached his husband and took his hand, getting him up from the couch.

“Guess we could do that.” Harry leaned down to reach his man’s lips. “Thirteen years later and it still feels like kissing you for the first time.” The man murmured with the smile still on his face.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” Louis scoffed. “Thirteen years and I still haven’t learned how to kiss?”

“I’ll leave it up to your interpretation.” The man flicked his husband’s nose. “Come on or we’ll flood the bathroom.”

“What was that?” The shorter man asked when he heard a strange noise that seemed to be coming from the cabin, they’ve been staying in.

“Shush, it’s nothing.” The other man brushed over the topic as he continued slipping his lips down his partner’s back, he started nibbling on the prominent bum when Louis began squirming, escaping his man’s embrace.

“It’s the thing I told you about. I heard that last night.” The man sat on his bum, his knees pressed to his chest while he looked at his husband with fear in his eyes. In Harry’s, there was only disappointment since he was interrupted.

“Stay here.” The brunette only commandeered and put on a clean pair of boxers.

“Don’t go…” A panicked voice left the younger’s mouth even though he knew that one of them should probably check the source of the noise. He got up, put his pyjama bottoms on and clung to his partner’s back as they both tried to trace the source. Louis knew that in the face of actual danger, his strategy wouldn’t probably be very reasonable, yet he could not bear the thought of Harry going alone.

“Oh my god, who are you?” The older one started laughing when, after just a few minutes they’ve realized that the noise was coming from outside the front door. After they’ve decided to open it, they found a dog that tried to get inside to escape the rain that was pouring outside. “You gave us quite a fright, you know?” The man knelt next to the dog and reached his hand cautiously so the animal could smell him. “What are you doing here? You poor thing…” The big hand started petting the side of the soaked dog.

The animal seemed to be determined to reach its goal. It got up and stepped inside the cabin, not looking at men before it settled on the carpet next to the couch. Both husbands stood dumbfounded, sharing confused looks before they agreed that they couldn’t just throw the pet out in the rain. Harry locked the door, and they both sat on the carpet, carefully observing the animal.

“We’ll let him sleep here and we’re going to ask neighbours if he’s local.” Harry proposed as he got up from his seat and went to the kitchen to get two bowls. One of them, he filled with water, in the second he put their leftover steak and rice dinner he cooked a day prior. Yeah, he knew that technically dogs weren’t supposed to eat leftover human food, but their little guest was skin and bones, so he surely would use the opportunity.

-

“Yeah, we stole a dog, and what?” Harry rolled his eyes under his friend’s careful gaze.

Somehow, most likely due to Louis’ constant begging, they ended up taking the dog they found, or that rather found them to their home. It wasn’t like they actually stole it, they dedicated their last day of the getaway and went around the neighbourhood, but nobody would claim the animal. It looked like a stray, to be completely honest. Its fur was knotted all over its body, it had ticks and was straight-up malnourished. That’s why Louis wanted to take the dog in, they would’ve put it down if they drove it to the shelter like Harry wanted to.

“I’ll be back whenever we’re finished.” The brunette announced and led their new pet to his car. Something about the way it was used to the lead, told Harry that the wild dog theory was not entirely true. Especially that there was this one neighbour that told them, that owners of the cabin they’ve rented brought this dog god knows when and just abandoned it, tied up to the fence before somebody took pity on it and released it.

It did not take long before the man, and the dog found themselves in a vet clinic. It was not the one Harry was used to, but it had to suffice. Due to the miserable condition of the dog, they kind of had to improvise and make an appointment at the earliest available date. It was just the day after they’ve returned from the getaway, which second part was entirely dominated with the whole dog debacle.

“Harry Tomlinson, I have an appointment with doctor…” The man failed to recall the name he was given by Louis, who made the call. He stood in front of the smiling receptionist that typed Harry’s name into the computer to find the name he didn’t remember.

“Doctor Barker, two-forty. I have it.” The woman nodded and started going through one of the drawers. She lifted her head when she heard Harry laugh. He tried not to, he really did because it was just a name and yet, he was still chuckling.

“I’m so sorry, it’s just…”

“Don’t worry. We get that reaction more than you would expect we would.” The blonde still smiled when she picked up a few sheets of paper bound with a staple. “Since it’s your first visit, we have a survey you have to take. It’s not going to take long.”

“Oh, yeah…  _ that _ .” Harry furrowed his brows at the questions printed onto the paper he’s been holding. “Actually, I don’t know any of those things.” He admitted. “We were on vacation and the dog… well, it’s a stray.”

“Okay, in that case… keep the survey and you’ll fill it with the doctor, okay?” The man nodded. “You’ll find him in number three, just knock, he should be free by now.” The woman pointed at the narrow corridor, and that’s exactly where Harry headed.

“Come in.” The brunette heard as soon as his knuckles met the door. He pushed on the handle and entered, the doctor had his back turned to him since he was going through the files.

“What seems to be the problem, mister Tomlinson?” Harry felt all the blood drain from his body when he realized why the voice he heard before he entered seemed so familiar. He fought with every instinct he had, telling him to bolt out of that place immediately when he still had the chance.

But his chance was gone as soon as the veterinarian turned to face him and Harry felt confused whether the man recognized him or not, his somewhat amused expression told the client that he probably did. Yeah, it was a long time since the two last met, but there’s no way the man wouldn’t remember him.

“This is… not your name.” Harry finally regained control over his tongue. Unfortunately, he couldn’t say the same about his brain that prompted the most idiotic reaction to seeing his ex on the chair opposite of him.

“Yeah, this is outrageous. Isn’t it, mister Tomlinson?” Daniel crossed his hands on his chest in faux annoyance. “How can people just change their names like that?” His head shook with a smirk on his face.

“I hope you haven’t married only to get that name.” Harry joked after the doctor’s relaxed demeanour spilt over him. “Wouldn’t blame you, though. It’s a hell of a name for a vet.”

“It might have been one of the reasons.” The doctor laughed. “How you’ve been? Haven’t seen you in what? Long time, that’s for sure.”

“Ten years, yeah...” The shorter one nodded, the date relatively easy to find, considering that it’s just around the time he got back with his partner. The memories the surprising occurrence summoned were nowhere near as pleasant as the thought of Louis. “I’ve been doing great, thank you. I hope it’s the same for you.” He smiled.

“It is. Glad we’re both fine, who do we have here?” The man leaned his head to look at the dog. “Please don’t tell me it’s yours…” Harry felt the inspecting gaze on his face as he stroked the fur on the dog’s side. The animal sat by his side, behaving like an angel.

“No, no… I mean, it is…  _ now _ . It’s a stray. Found it three days ago.”

“Oh, good.” Vet’s expression soothed when he was informed that it was not his ex who mistreated the dog like that.

“So… yeah. She kind of found us, to be honest.” Harry explained the story behind their new pet as he was keeping the conversation going. “After what the neighbour had told us, Louis may or may have not rung the owner of the cabin and called her a fucking bitch so yeah… guess we’re not returning there anytime soon.” The man chuckled, joined by the doctor.

“Is Louis the…” Daniel hasn’t finished his question knowing that it was not necessary.

“ _ Yeah _ .” The pet-owner only sighed, dreading the memories that struck him, pretty much the worst thing he’s ever done. “Is it bad that I still feel so shitty?” The smaller man asked as he stood by the examination table, soothing the dog as it was being checked out.

“It’s the past, Harry. Yeah, you could’ve done better but I’ve moved on… You should too. We’re both happy, we’ve done well for ourselves.” The taller man answered without taking his eyes off his patient as he was removing the tics that he found during clipping the clustered fur.

“You have kids?” Harry asked, not knowing exactly why. To break the silence perhaps. It was their second hour in the room, and it got silent quite a bit.

“No, not yet. We’ve started the adoption process like a month ago.”

“Oh boy…” Tomlinson scoffed and rolled his eyes at the thought of the hell his ex was bound to go through.

“What?”

“We’ve adopted two. It was a nightmare, the process.”

“But it’s worth it, isn’t it?”

“Of course, just frustrating.” The shorter one pressed his lips in a thin line.

“You’re ready to welcome more kids into your house?” The doctor asked, and Harry’s eyebrows might have furrowed at how inappropriate the question was. “Four-legged ones, perhaps?” Daniel joked as he was examining the dog’s belly.

“What are you… oh god, please don’t tell me…” He was almost pleading as if he could somehow alter reality.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s pregnant. Gonna give her a scan and see what we’re dealing with.”

“You won’t believe what happened.” Harry announced as soon as he came back from the vet, nearly four hours after he left. It was worth it, though. The dog they’ve adopted was almost unrecognizable.

“What?” Louis asked when he lifted his head from above a children’s book he was reading on his own for some reason.

“Well, first… your big, selfless heart landed us in a spot of daddies-to-be. Sixteen small paws are going to run around this place in about ten weeks. Twenty, if you count our children.” The brunette unleashed the dog, and it headed straight for its food bowl.

“Oh my god…” Louis sighed, trying not to grin so much. “But she’s okay, isn’t she?”

“Yes, she just needs to eat to put some weight on.” Harry explained as he laid on the couch, his head resting on his partner’s lap. “We’ll need to get her vaccinated but it’s after she’s done with feeding.”

“Okay, we’ll figure this out… oh god, it’s gonna be a nightmare with the kids and the cats…” The smaller man shook his head.

“Yeah, it will.” The brunette hummed in response. “Guess what.”

“What?”

“You might or might not have set me up with my ex for the appointment.” Harry grinned at his partner’s face that kind of froze before his eyes.

“Oh my god,  _ Daniel _ … never thought about that. Was it awkward?” Louis asked, his fingers fiddling with his husband’s hair.

“At first, yeah. We’re fine as it turned out. Gave him some tips about adoption, he gave me his card and said to call if she needs anything.” Harry pointed at the dog.

“Maybe you should sleep with him so we’re even?” The younger man joked, but his expression gave away that he did not like the vision he created.

“If you say so.” The artist shrugged as if he would ever do anything like that when he had his man. He didn’t think that he would be wrong calling himself the most satisfied husband on earth.

“If you cheat on me, I will bite the dick right off your body.” Lou’s grinning face contrasted with his threatening tone. He leaned close to his husband’s face and flicked his nose.

“That was unnecessary but okay.” The brunette laughed. “I love you. You can take the vet appointments if it makes you more comfortable, I don’t care.”

“I don’t either, would be kind of awkward to see him after how we handled the things and all.” Louis sighed. “Hi, I’m Louis. I fucked your boyfriend and ruined your relationship.” The man forced a smile after he finished his little performance.

“None of this was on you.” Harry shook his head in denial as he searched for his partner’s hand, he laced their fingers together.

“We’ve both done some shit in our time.” Lou exhaled slowly, fully aware that despite his partner’s claims, it was on him. On both of them.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” The brunette turned on his side and nuzzled his face against his lover’s t-shirt. He just laid there, for however long. He probably shouldn’t have, but he started thinking about the past. It’s not like he forgot it until he met Daniel, it came back here and there and to be completely honest, the guilt was kind of still there. However, so was Louis, and somehow it made every mistake they’ve made worth it.

-

“We have an emergency! Hello? All my special units are to be assembled. This is a national grade crisis. I need my soldiers!” Louis’ voice boomed throughout the house as he ran after his children, trying to get them to obey his orders. “Soldiers assemble! This is not a drill!” The laughter shifted to the living room, and that’s precisely where the man found the two, hiding behind a couch. “THIS IS NOT A DRILL!”

“What are the orders?” Eric scrunched his eyebrows and summoned the most serious tone he could produce.

“We’re looking for a fugitive. Mostly white, kinda spotty and very,  _ very _ fast. Gonna be trouble to capture but I believe my squad is more than capable to complete the mission.” The man gave his children a stern look and nodded. “Go, go! What are you waiting for? This is a matter of utmost urgency!” He patted his children in the back and sent them off to look for one of the puppies that somehow, Louis knew how wandered off in an unknown direction.

Let’s be honest. There’s only so many entities one can successfully manage, and with two, unruly children, two cats, a dog and four puppies that were up to no good, it got tricky. Slip-ups occurred from time to time, and Louis found a way to engage his kids in the search, making a game of it.

“Squad? How are we doing? Over.” The man asked loud enough to be heard in every crevice of the ground floor as he tossed the other puppies, keeping them contained so neither could escape before feeding time.

“Still looking, general.” Louis heard his son’s voice from the kitchen, a fit of giggles exploding right after.

“You haven’t said over, are you over? Over.” The adult exclaimed as he rubbed soft bellies of the litter that turned their lives upside down eight weeks prior.

“Over!” This time it was Ruby who answered. She wasn’t a big talker at all, still working out this whole speaking thing which was, according to the doctor normal, nothing to be worried about.

“Hello, general.” Louis got startled when he felt Harry’s lips brush against his ear. No matter how many times the man asked his partner not to sneak up on him, he never listened. Even after the time he almost lost his front teeth when he made the younger one jump. Not even a nosebleed taught him a lesson. “You better drop him off somewhere or you’ll be eaten alive.” The man advised Harry, who hid the lost puppy in the pouch in front of his hoodie.

“By you? I could get behind that.” The brunette winked.

“Oh, no… I’m not the one you should be afraid of.” Louis chuckled and sent his man off with a smack on his bum. The taller one snuck away to place the puppy somewhere so the children could find him.

“No! No! Leave me alone! General, send support! Ah, do not… I’m innocent!” The shorter father was still in the living room, listening to his partner’s distressed screams as he got caught on his mission. “Help me, I’m dying. OVER.” Deep, guttural laughter emerged from an unidentified part of the house, mixing with screams and giggles of their children, the glorious cacophony filling Louis with so much warmth.

It took some time, perhaps five minutes before the three got back into the living room. Ruby was carrying the puppy while Eric made sure that his father’s hands are secured in made-up cuffs.

“Found him, the criminal was helping the fugi… prisoner on the run.” Eric reported the incident, a spotty puppy back under Louis’ supervision, playing with his siblings.

“You’ve done a splendid job, comrades. You’ve deserved these medals!” Louis saluted and pinned the imaginary badges on each of his children’s chests. “What are we going to do with this one, then? What’s the sentence?”

“Sixty hours of tickles, and ice cream for dessert. For us.” The kids exclaimed after a brief deliberation. They turned to Harry, who started tossing his hands behind his back.

“I am not going down for this, not when  _ he _ told me to do it!” The brunette pointed the hand he freed from the ‘cuffs’ and threw himself at Louis, pinning the man to the rug, tickling him, avenging the torture he’s been through in the corridor.

“I did…” The smaller guy kept kicking his legs, wiggling uncontrollably when his husband’s fingers, much to their children’s amusement, kept digging into his sides. “I did not tell him anything!” Louis struggled to catch a breath, pretty sure his words were ignored by the giggling children who now joined their taller father, small hands tickling him clumsily as the victim tossed on the rug. “This man is a liar! I haven’t seen him in my life!”

“Don’t believe any word he says. I’m a spy, I’ve been sent by the queen.” Harry delved deeper, making up the story as he went, still not stopping tickling his partner who took the shade of a lovely, ripe beetroot. The smaller guy kept snapping his teeth at the little hands that tried to get too close. “This is not the general! It’s an imposter, general’s evil, twin brother!” The man accused, still pinning his partner down.

“I am not, I am your general! You’re disrespecting me, you will be punished. Your careers are over! I’ll put you to jail!” Louis kept threatening, confused looks exchanged by Eric and Ruby.

“Ask him a question! Anything that general would know, but a fraud wouldn’t.” Harry proposed a way they could’ve identified whether ‘the spy’ was telling the truth.

“What’s your favourite ice-cream?” Oh yes, Eric’s question bringing the conversation back to the ice-cream territory.

“Strawberry! It’s strawberry!” Louis played along with Harry’s scenario, purposefully giving the wrong answer.

“Favourite colour?” Ruby asked with her eyes squinted, the interrogation broke the streak of tickles.

“Purple, the best colour.” The shorter man answered with a straight face.

“You’re not him!” Eric exclaimed and jumped back on Louis, tickling him yet again.

“See? I told you!” The brunette triumphed. “Okay, stop the tickling. He’s a criminal but we can’t be cruel.” He stopped the borderline abuse, the break let Lou finally take a breath. “I think it’s only right we transfer my punishment to him and then we should let the queen judge him, how are we feeling about that, soldiers?” The older man addressed his kids, who nodded in enthusiasm at the thought of getting ice-cream.

Louis and Harry followed their chirping children to the kitchen, the brunette’s hand on the small of his partner’s back as he kept him in ‘handcuffs’. He sat the shorter man at the table and got out the array of flavours they had stocked in their freezer. He put the scooper in a cup of hot water and turned to face the table. His family smiling at him in anticipation, Lou’s smirk vanishing into thin air when his son threw thunders at him with his deep, brown eyes.

“Taking orders.” Harry approached the table with a little notepad he took from the fridge. “What can I get you for you, miss?” He addressed his daughter first in gentlemanly fashion, his posture perfect, tone professional as he pretended to be a waiter.

“Cho-co-la-te.” Ruby placed her order, clapping her hands together as she went, her father writing it in his notepad with a finger.

“Chocolate it is. What is your order, mister?” He moved on to his son.

“Cookies.” The boy exclaimed, excited about the treat.

“Want cookies too.” The girl changed her mind with a puzzled look on her face.

“Which one it is, then?” The brunette asked, not getting an answer. “Perhaps I could interest you in both?”

“Both.” The daughter nodded, her dad ‘noting’ the change on the yellow paper of sticky notes.

“You may pick one more since we’re doing two scoops.” Harry came back to his son, his cheeks still flushed from the exercise he got while playing.

“Toffee.” The boy grinned sweetly.

“Toffee it is.” The father nodded, adding the position to the order. “I think it’s only fair…” He gave Louis a look of pretended anger. “That we give the imposter daddy’s favourite so he hates it. What do you think about that idea?” He asked two soldiers who squirmed in their seats, impatient to get their ice cream.

“Good.” Ruby nodded and sent ‘the waiter’ off to the counter where he started scooping the ice cream into two bowls, crushing a cone on top so the children wouldn’t make a complete mess. Of course, there was bound to be some mess, but the bowls kept the dessert contained better than a cone would.

“You’re going to get yours last, you fraud!” Harry shook his head at Louis as he brought their children the long-anticipated fix.

Then, he scooped his and Louis’ usual orders in two cones, put the pints in the freezer and sat next to his partner.

“Gonna guard him, don’t worry.” The brunette promised his kids who ate, still keeping a close eye on ‘the imposter’, liquified ice cream already streaming down their chins and Harry could not say he was surprised. Was it even ice cream time if it didn’t end in taking a bath?

Reassured, children focused on eating while Harry bit his ice cream. He was also holding Louis’ cone since he was confined by the invisible cuffs. The man licked his treat, giving his partner an obscene look that made the brunette’s stomach turn. He kicked Lou’s shin under the table to stop his stupid act.

Obviously, when they’ve finished their ice cream feast, the puppies were all over the place again. That was not ideal since it was time to let them out so they could get some air in the garden while fathers bathed their children who, according to the prophecy ended up covered in sticky streaks of sugar and cream.

“Okay, this is not a game anymore.” Harry announced. “We’re splitting, each one has to come back with a puppy or else… the queen is gonna have a chat with you! Eric has preschool tomorrow, we have to get you two to bed immediately!” He commandeered, and just when he finished speaking, each of them went in a different direction in order to cover the most ground.

Not that long later, Louis came back to the living room with the biggest puppy of the bunch. Ruby and Eric already on the rug, playing with the three they’ve brought. After further calculation, the situation did not look great for Harry, who was still without a puppy and the fortune was not going to be by his side, considering that the whole litter was already collected.

“Here you are, you little tricksters… Could’ve left one for me! What am I going to tell the queen now?” The tallest man ruffled his children’s hair and approached their garden door. He unlocked it, slid open and the whole litter, accompanied by the mother that already looked like a whole different dog than when they took her in, flooded the backyard with their poor excuses for barking and a whole lot of excitement.

“Sounds like your problem, Styles.” The kids looked at Louis with confusion on their face. Something that always happened when he used his husband’s former name. Of course, they’ve explained it countless times, but neither of the kids was interested enough to remember the story. “Eric, up!” The man threw his son over his shoulder and without a word, hauled the boy up the stairs, taking him to the bathroom, Eric and Ruby shared where he started running him a warm bath.

“I want the police story.” The boy announced for the third day in a row, particularly fond of the book Liam got him. He splashed in the bath, droplets of water falling on Louis who sat not that close to him, on a lidded toilet as he supervised.

“Go on, close your eyes.” The man demanded and was obeyed. He swiped a flannel over his son’s sticky face, rinsing the fabric and giving the face another go. Other than hair and face, Eric was responsible for his own bath. “Up, it’s late already.” The boy lifted his arms so his father could put his robe on, the hood pulled on his wet hair. “Go to your room, put the pyjamas on. I’ll be back in a second.” He commandeered and drained the tub, rinsing it off suds immediately since he knew he’d be in trouble if he didn’t.

Taking care of Eric’s bedtime took quite a bit, still not close to what it used to take a while back. Harry managed to put Ruby to bed, feed the dogs and get showered before Louis was done. He laid sprawled on the bed with a book in his hands, devouring the lines in impressive speed.

“Have you decided what you’re going to tell the queen yet?” Louis murmured into his partner’s ear when he got back from the bathroom, droplets of water still clinging to his bare torso since he hasn’t put much thought into drying himself. “Heard that she’s quite a cold dame, that one.”

“Oh, you did?” Harry put a bookmark his son made at preschool between the pages and closed the book with a loud thud, putting it on the nightstand where he had a designated spot for reading material. “Guess I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

“Big trouble.” Louis mumbled against his partner’s lips as he straddled his lap, his kisses eager, playful from the first one they’ve exchanged. Somehow, they still got deeper and needier, the man brought back the look that made his partner’s skin crawl, his hips jutting wilder, providing delightful friction between them.

“What a lovely queen, I wouldn’t mind taking the punishment from her hand…”

-

“No, you did not.” Louis looked at his husband with a look that was everything but amused. But then, Harry started taking off his t-shirt, and the action only reassured his husband that he did, in fact, get a tattoo. The least of hope the younger man had for it to be a joke, disappeared when he saw that a patch of skin on The brunette’s ribs was covered by a rectangular gauze.

“Want to see?” The older one asked, grinning at his man who looked at him, his gaze clearly stating his attitude towards his husband’s birthday surprise. “Don’t be silly, it’s a tattoo. I haven’t severed my arm off.”

“If you’ve tattooed my name onto yourself, I will stab you right in it. I swear to god.” Lou shook his head even though he did not really believe that Harry would do that.

“No name, just a portrait. You’re going to love it!” The taller one joked.

It was the morning of Louis’ birthday, which also meant: Christmas Eve. They were still relaxing in bed, enjoying the time they’ve been gifted by the gods that kept their children asleep for longer than they would usually sleep for. It was glorious up until Harry revealed his surprise, answering the unasked question why the hell he slept in a t-shirt all of a sudden.

Louis sighed deeply, his eyes hung on the window since he was scared to uncover the art his partner decided to immortalize on himself. They’ve woken up just in time to see big, fluffy clusters of snowflakes fall from the sky. It was the third day that it snowed, providing a beautiful, white blanket of softness on every flat surface outside.

It finally felt like Christmas again.  _ Yeah _ , they went all out with decorations, always did ever since their first celebration with children, but nothing brought it all together like the snow did. It was their kids’ first, proper white holidays, and both fathers were thoroughly enjoying every minute of the weather. They got through everything. Out front, there were just a few, oddly-shaped snowmen, further deformed by the thick layer of snow that set on top of them, barely recognizable at this point.

The first day it snowed, Harry got perhaps a bit too excited and shoved a handful of white coldness under Lou’s t-shirt as the man was doing the dishes. The brunette’s playfulness resulted in a lengthy apology Louis had to give after he exclaimed quite a poetic cluster of profanity in front of the children. He had to sacrifice his Twix bar to be forgiven.

Of course, Louis avenged the offence the day after. Perhaps, his hit was harsher than it should be, but Louis didn’t care about that, he was still pissed about the cold and his candy.

It was five in the morning when his alarm woke him up for work. The early shift made the man even crankier. He got dressed and went on the balcony to enjoy his morning cigarette. That’s when it struck him. He gathered a big handful of snow from the railing and ran to the bed, shoving the loose powder under the covers, right over Harry’s naked, unsuspecting silhouette.

The punishment was even more severe when it resulted in kids waking up at five in the morning, left for irritated Harry to take care of when Louis left for work, taking a lunchbox his partner prepared for him before they’ve headed to bed the day prior.

But the morning of Louis’ birthday was not ruined by any fooling around with snow, Harry knew he’d cross the line if he’d try to mess around with the birthday boy. Well, he did not anticipate Louis reacting quite as negative to the news about the tattoo he got the day prior when he pretended to go to a meeting, but that was not something he could’ve seen coming.

“You’re going to see it eventually, it’s still there whether you want it to be or not.” The brunette insisted.

“No, I don’t have to see it. Ever. Our sex life is over.” Lou pressed his lips in a thin line just before he pressed his fingertips to skin above the corner of the bandaid. His cold touch made his partner flinch. “Does it hurt?” He asked, his brows furrowed.

“Your hands are cold, it’s all.” The taller man smiled sweetly at his partner who still got used to the idea of his man choosing to get tattooed as the birthday present for him. What he did not know that it was not exactly a gift for him, it would be quite stupid to try to pass the tattoo as one, there was a real gift too.

“Oh.” Louis’ lips rounded when he pushed his answer out of his lungs. Shyly, he grabbed the fabric tape that kept the gauze in place as he pulled it away, revealing a picture that was thankfully, not a portrait of Louis’ face. He was not going to lie, it was a massive weight off his chest even though, yet again, he did not think that his partner would be quite this stupid.

It wasn’t a big thing. Wasn’t small either. It was something that Louis had not anticipated, though he probably should have.

On ribs on Harry’s heart’s side, there was a triangle, the side perhaps close to the side of a coaster, it was lined thick with black ink. In the containment of the shape, well… not entirely… there were three sunflowers which varied in size and the type of the flower. The petals were, of course, yellow, stems, along with leaves green. The colours quite subdued, giving the graphic a vintage feel, delicate lining contrasted with bold black of the triangle from which parts of the flowers were sticking out, escaping the frame of the shape.

“You are so stupid.” Louis shook his head as he traced his finger over the irritated skin. “There was an 80 percent chance I’d hate it.”

“But you don’t?” The taller man squinted his eyes while he inspected his partner’s expression.

“No, I do not. It’s beautiful. Did you draw that yourself?”

“Partially, yes. The artist tweaked it here and there.” The man exhaled sharply when the weight fell off his shoulders. He had expressed an interest in getting a tattoo before, but Louis always seemed quite reluctant to the idea. After the first time, they never really discussed it. But he risked it, and it paid off. There was no way his partner hated the thing. Even if he’d try to hide that he did, not to make his man sad or something, the way he grazed the skin delicately, observing the artwork said everything there was to say.

“Do I have to get one for your birthday now?” Louis asked when he pressed a kiss onto his husband’s lips. He returned to his spot, his head on Harry’s chest, fingers still tracing the outline of the triangle as they snuggled.

“No. But I could use some underwear.” The taller man hinted, stroking his lover’s head. Enjoying their moment for a bit more before they would inevitably get interrupted by their children.

Soft cuddles did not get a chance to last too long. It was maybe half an hour after the big reveal when they could hear Ruby whining through the baby monitor which they still had installed in her room. Harry, being a real sweetheart, went to get their daughter and the son whom he might have bribed the day prior so he’d stay in his room and play for a bit when he wakes up.

Then, the soft snuggling transformed into a chaotic one. Children jumping on the bed, singing Happy Birthday, messing the lyrics just a bit when they handed Louis the cards they’ve painted with Harry. Both fathers’ hearts were overflowing with love as they laid there just for some more, bothered by restless kids who wanted to do everything but lay down. 

The longest moment of peace was provided by the tattoo which one of them finally caught. After they’ve asked a million questions, more mayhem ensued, causing both fathers to give up on their slumber and they got up. Ready to tackle the day filled with people who were to arrive in the evening to celebrate Louis during the little anti-Christmas party Tomlinsons were throwing before everybody was bound to head off to their families to celebrate on the twenty-fifth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so here it is, the conclusion of the story that was supposed be like a 100k shorter but well... life happens, I guess.
> 
> The feeling is kind of bittersweet. On one hand, I'm gonna miss the story and the characters I've grown attached to. At the same time, I'm excited to move on to other projects because while it was my first attempt at writing something properly, it sure is not the last of me. My head is full of ideas which I can't wait to verbalize, hopefully with a little less shitty outcome.
> 
> Special thanks to every single one of you, who went along with me on this journey and lasted to the end. I know, it wasn't easy. I appreciate the support very much!
> 
> Anyway, it's been fun :)  
>  As always, I encourage to leave some feedback and perhaps share my story with others.  
>  Keep tight, wash your hands and TPWK.  
>  Love, @gerardisonfire
> 
> Ps. I'm so sorry if I've made you hate any of my characters :(

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time reading the story, hope you're enjoying the fruits of my imagination :)  
> I strongly encourage you to leave any kind of feedback, I appreciate it greatly.
> 
> For any updates, questions or pointless rants please head to my twitter @gerardisonfire.


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